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How To Deal With Negative People
By Eddie Chandler
Stress Management Specialist

Nobody likes a negative person. Listening to complaints from someone with a pessimistic, mud-slinging, doom and gloom attitude can drain your energy, push your patience to the limit, and impact your mental and physical health.
If someone who's close to you is consistently negative, you'll want to do something to help them change their attitude. That's because you can see what they can't: that their comments and actions are negatively impacting their career and hurting their interpersonal relationships.

Yet even if the negative person in your life is only a casual acquaintance or colleague, you may still need to address the issue. After all, their negativity can be both exhausting and can impact your own work and personal life. Take action to change their attitude, or you may find their negative mentality rubbing off on you -- making you become cynical and pessimistic, too.

whiners and complainers
Negative people find problems in every situation. They're never happy. They choose to focus only on problems and pitfalls, and never see any solutions or silver linings. They are worriers, always getting anxious about things over which they have no control. They're quick to blame others and to classify themselves as victims, always operating under the belief that the world is out to get them.

help them and yourself
In dealing with these people, you'll first have to accept that many of them may not see themselves as being negative. In fact, if you draw their attention to it, they might think you're after them. There's always a possibility that the problem is deeply rooted and that they are paranoid, delusional or clinically depressed and in need of professional help. In most cases, however, people choose their attitude, whether it's positive, negative or Posi-Real .

Someone who constantly wallows in self-pity is getting some personal payoff or benefit from it, or they would not allow it to continue. You can't always change other people, but you can control your reaction to them. Seeing how you react might be enough to prompt them to choose to change.

Here are some tips to help you counteract a contrary attitude.

Cut them some slack
Make sure your assessment is accurate. Sometimes we listen to so much whining and bitterness that we come to anticipate more of the same. We assume the worst, and expect certain people to complain before they even open their mouths. Make sure you're not putting a negative spin on someone's comments and actions. Most people don't consciously decide to make colleagues and family miserable. Condition yourself to believe that people generally mean well and have good intentions.
Don't let their negativity infect you...


Establish boundaries
Limit your contact with people who are pessimistic and selfish. Don't let another person's negative ways affect you, no matter who they are. Even if it's your best buddy or the colleague who sits next to you at work, you can choose not to react to his words or actions. Learn to recognize self-serving comments that are designed to get you to do something you otherwise would not even consider.

Ask for clarification
Don't jump to conclusions until you are sure of someone's true intents. Read between the lines and ask questions. Make them clarify, explain and repeat back whatever negative remark they just made. This might help the negative person realize how he sounds and demonstrate to him that there's no real foundation for what he's saying. In being forced to qualify his comments to you, a negative person is simultaneously forced to qualify them to himself.

Offer solutions
To keep a situation from being blown out of proportion, offer to help find practical solutions. Keep the communication open and show interest, but never accept responsibility for fixing the perceived problem. A negative person has a limited field of vision and cannot see the big picture. You'll have to point out the positives and help him focus on the benefits instead of the potential liabilities. Offer some perspective on what he's saying or doing, and he might see how ridiculous he's being. Use diplomacy and empathy without buying into the problem.

Don't get baited
Never fight someone else's turf war. Take what a negative person says with a grain of salt; it's not necessarily completely accurate. Some people complain in the hopes that someone else will fight their battles for them. Don't take the bait. Never let yourself get caught in a triangle, as a messenger between a chronically negative person and someone who has allegedly done him wrong. If you must play mediator, have both parties present and keep in mind that their miscommunications are their problem, not yours.

Call them on it
If someone is fishing for sympathy, call him on it. Question his manliness and tell him to quit complaining. Use humor to draw attention to pessimistic comments. Try mirroring his attitude by being as negative as he is. This may seem patronizing, but for some people, this might make them recognize their defeatist approach and incite them to change. In extreme cases, taping them or taking pictures might also help you prove your point, as they'll see their facial expressions, hear their negativity and notice how others behave around them. Enlist the help of colleagues or other friends to try to work on the problem together.

Don't let it get to you
Ignore negative comments from a known grouch. Don't let their negative vibes suck you into their downward spiral. You don't need your perceptions tainted by someone else's hypercritical viewpoint. If all else fails, avoid them entirely so their negativity does not bring you down. A negative environment will impact your productivity at work and your personal relationships. If, despite your best efforts, their fault-finding persists and starts to infiltrate your own outlook, walk away.

negativity is contagious
Some men enjoy being miserable. If they so choose, it's their right to be. But you needn't let their bad attitude adversely impact your own life. People who are constantly critical, continually complain and always make derogatory comments are exhausting to be around.

Try to make them see how their negativity is alienating people. Help them focus on the larger picture instead of minor setbacks, petty disputes and trivial details.

As a general rule, surround yourself with people with more positive and realistic viewpoints. Your priority must always be your own body and mind.