Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
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Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
Mayawati got Amul Milk modelling assignment, so she posed with buffaloes. Newspapers published the pictures with caption - " Mayawati, 3rd from left".
A modern day Birbal ki kahani...
An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile. A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named.
When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath.'
He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.
When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.'
The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then.'
The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.'
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by ksen
Investigating a terrible accident
There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, they start asking the questions.
The police chief asks, "What were the people doing on the bus?"
The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing around; meaning the people were dancing and having fun.
The chief asks, "Yeah, but what else were they doing?".
The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle.
The chief says, "Oh! They were drinking, huh??!" The chief continues, "Okay, were they doing anything else?"
The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning they were talking.
The chief loses his patience, "If they were having such a great time, who was driving the stupid bus then?"
The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel.
Thanx for cleaning up that joke directhit :P
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Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Milly! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"
Milly turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"
Life after death :
BOSS said to an employee: "Do you believe in life after Death?
EMPLOYEE : "Certainly not! There's no proof of it", he replied.
BOSS : "Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle's funeral, he came here looking for you!
Alexander the Great, Napoleon, and Louis XV meet up in the astral plane for a chat.
All being great military leaders in their day, they decided to visit earth to see how war has changed.
They are just amazed by the modern battlefield in Iraq.
"If I had had just a few of these tanks," says Alexander the Great, "I could have conqured all of India!"
"Incredible!", says Louis XV, "and if I had had just a few of these airplanes, I could have finished the Seven Years War in just weeks!"
"Amazing!", says Napoleon, "and if I had had FoxNews nobody would have ever heard about my defeat in Russia!"
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "This gun was loaded with false bullets" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair!!"
MORAL: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them
Hmmm nice move switching genders at punchline...that's right...:P
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Mr.Ivanov, a Russian engineer is caught on the streets by the KGB, brought with a black car to the secret headquarters for interrogation...
KGB agents: "Where do you live?"
Mr.Ivanov: "I live on Stalin Street, number 9"
After a few hours he gets beaten up and asked again...
KGB agents: "Where do you live?"
Mr.Ivanov: "I told you, I live at Stalin Street number 9"
He gets beaten up, tortured and thrown into a chamber...
The next day he gets asked again, then beaten up again and so on...
After a week of beating and torturing, the KGB agents think he's crazy and let him go home...
When Mr.Ivanov arrives to his building, his neighbour, and old lady whispers to him: "Psst! Mr.Ivanov! There were a couple of agents here, several times this week, they were asking whether you lived here. But don't worry Mr.Ivanov, I told them I never heard about you!"