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Santa the Traveller
The Traveller
A traveller had just booked in at a hotel and was unpacking his luggage in his room on the 14th floor.
Suddenly the door opened, a bellboy rushed in and shouted, "Mr.Santa, your wife and daughter have both been killed in a car accident!"
The traveller felt very saddened and desolate on hearing this, and concluded he had nothing more left to live for.
He decided to commit suicide and so, once the bellboy left the room, he went to the balcony, climbed on the railings and jumped out.
While falling down, as he reached the 10th floor, he remembered that he didn't have a daughter at all.
As he reached the 6th floor, he remembered that he was as yet unmarried and so couldn't possibly have a wife either.
While almost nearing the ground floor, he remembered that his name was not Santa!
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Rules For Managers
Rules For Managers :
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic .
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager's hades.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.
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Newton's laws of LOVE
First law:
A boy in love with a girl continues to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy continues to be in love with him, until and unless any external agent(brother or father of the girl) comes into play and breaks the legs of the boy.
Second law:
The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to his bank balance.
Third law:
The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals.
Universal law:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed, it can only be transfered from one girlfriend to another girlfriend.
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When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
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The average man's life consists of :
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
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A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got married?"
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Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life."
Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."
The whole audience including priest started laughing.... ...... but not the poor groom!
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Lalu spoke in love, "Why don't you and I go to some place where there is nobody."
Pyari flirted, "You won't make any mischief with me there, would you?"
Lalu assured in fright, "Not at all"
Pyari angered, "Then why the hell you want to go to there?"
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Always listen to your wife, she gives sound advice :
99% Sound and 1% Advice
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repeated jokes :roll: 4-5 of them :?
maathinga NOV :twisted: :evil: