:lol: :goodidea: :oops:Quote:
Originally Posted by NOV
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:lol: :goodidea: :oops:Quote:
Originally Posted by NOV
i didn get it :( , gosh , he married the most beautiful one was in white color. Why , is that a secret. ? :SQuote:
Originally Posted by Wibha
Eleven people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were female, one was a male. As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish. For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered. Finally the male gave a truly touching speech saying he would sacrifice himself to save the lives of the others. The females applauded.
:rotfl:
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by rocketboy
With all the new technology regarding fertility, an 88-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit. "May we see the new baby?" one of them asked.
"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."
Another half hour passed before another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"
"No, not yet," said the mother.
A while later and again the guests asked, "May we see the baby now?"
"No, not yet," replied the mother.
Growing impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"
"When it cries!" she told them.
"When it cries?" they gasped. "Why do we have to wait until it cries?"
"Because, I forgot where I put it."
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
The one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." So they do this, and begin painting their room.
Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"
"Blind man!"
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. It should be okay." And they let him in.
The man walks in, does a double take, and says, "Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
A 45 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked, 'Is my time up?'
God replied, 'No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.'
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the street on her way home, she was run over and killed by a truck.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, 'I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the truck?'
God replied,
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'I didn't recognize you!'
Moral ...Stay the way you are !
des,
:roll:
Sure hilllllarious stuff :rotfl2: When did men start thinking so sensibily :lol2:Quote:
Originally Posted by rocketboy
akka :thumbsup: :lol:
NOV :confused2: it wasn't funny :?
designer :D
rocket boy :rotfl: :rotfl2:
sp akka :lol:
I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So, I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office.
When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked her, "And where do you think you're going?"
(You're gonna love this.)
She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark."
I definitely did :rotfl: :rotfl2: :rotfl:Quote:
Originally Posted by NOV
A man threw his wife into a pond of crocodiles.
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the crocodiles!
Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!
He was a good man. He never smoked, drank and had no affair.
When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.
They said, 'He who never lived, cannot die!'
So many options for suicide:
Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, the slow way.
Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!
:evil:
I promise not to show this page to your boyfriend. :poke:Quote:
Originally Posted by crazy
:evil: NOV :x not one was funny :hammer:
yeah....romba bayandhuttu irundhen :( nandri :bow:Quote:
Originally Posted by NOV
:rotfl:
OMG i can't stop imagining this
:rotfl2: :rotfl: :rotfl2:
Quote:
Originally Posted by NOV
NOV :rotfl:
A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing.
As he was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home.
At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the cat there.
Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?". "Yes," the wife answers. "Why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answers: "Put that damn cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!"
After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her.
Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?
God: So you will always want to look at her.
Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?
God: So you will always want to touch her.
Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell so good?
God: So you will always want to be near her.
Adam: That's wonderful Lord, and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid?
God: So she would love you.
Doctors Meeting
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.
Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?"
The other three agreed.
The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."
The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."
The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."
The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret....
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother,
"Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness,
and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a
moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
A grandfather and granddaughter were sitting and talking when the young girl
asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"
"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little
girl asked him, "Did God make me too?" "Yes, He did," the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her
own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running
through her mind. At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said,
"God's doing a lot better job lately."
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says,
"My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they
give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of
paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece
of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
the other 80% boys have girl friends with brains, so why do they need it? :wink:Quote:
Originally Posted by NOV
:lol: ...Quote:
Originally Posted by NOV
Santa comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor`s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and Santa panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor`s house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks Santa, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?".
Santa stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?".
The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"
Santa's son and two of his friends were heading home from school one day when one started the time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship.
He said, "My dad's way faster than any of yours, he can bowl a 90-kmph fast ball and run and catch it just after it crosses the wickets at striker's end!"
One of the other boys said, "Oh yeah? Well, my dad can shoot a bullet from his gun and run to the target and hold it up to make sure the bullet hits the bulls eye!"
Santa's son said, "Your dads don't even come close to being faster than mine. My dad works for the government, and even though he works every day until 5:00 he gets home at 4:00!"
IRONY
Drug stores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at thefront.
People order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
We leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
We buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
EVER WONDER ...
Why do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
:)Quote:
Originally Posted by ShereneAndrew
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully.
From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd.
When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute,
then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.
This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.
So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.
The old farmer said: 'Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement.
'And what about the men?' the minister asked.
They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.
[tscii]
You Didn't Get The Memo?
Memo from CEO to Manager:
Today at 11 oą clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the parking lot. Staff should meet in the lot at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.
Memo from Manager to Department Head:
Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will appear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The CEO will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some information. This is not something that can be seen every day.
Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:
The CEO will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the form of an eclipse. This is something that cannot be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.
Memo from Floor Manager to Supervisor:
Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the CEO will make the sun disappear for two minutes. This doesnąt happen every day. It will be safe and as usual, it will cost you.
Memo from Supervisor to Staff:
Some staff will go to the car park today to see the CEO disappear. It is a pity this doesnąt happen every day.
:rotfl: :rotfl: (though hv read earlier.. romba palasu.. it was very funny)
:)Quote:
Originally Posted by ShereneAndrew
It reminds me of what happened with me and my friend. She jovially always talks about her beauty (and NO... she is not really all that beautiful to look at, atleast due to age, though she is a gem at heart)
She cares a hoot about how she is aging or how she looks. She cracks jokes upon herself.
One afternoon, she was asusual in her high spirits.
She said "Did u see my beauty"
me: "yeah I am speechless, how is it possible!"
she: "thats because god made me just the next second after he made AISHWARYA RAI"
me: "My god! ONE second makes so much ruins!!"
she: (such a sport she is, such a darling she is, she started laughing heartily :) )