A Companion Like No Other

[AudazJay]

This is my first attempt at writing a story. To tell the truth, I have never even taken the attempt to write diaries. Continuous writing has the tendency to make me feel exhausted, you see. :fatigue:

But, for some reasons, I feel the need to share this story with you guys. As this is my first attempt at writing, I would deeply appreciate if you could give me your valuable criticisms :)

[AudazJay]

[tscii:915b9c26b8]-1-

It was a lovely day. The sky was wonderfully clear, as clear as my whole day; there were not many cases to be looked into today, which was a pleasant surprise for me. The past one month has been really hectic for me. I’ve been hogged down with work loads, attending courts, meeting clients, etc that I hardly had five minutes to spare for my lunch, let alone spending time with Chitra and the kids.

Chitra….I don’t know what I’ll do without her. She’s been my pillar of strength for as long as I know. She left a lucrative career to look after our home and kids. I know she misses her old job but she hardly shows or talks about it. Instead, she kept saying that she’s more content being the home-maker that she is. Well, I won’t lie…I’m thankful for her decision. If anything, the feeling of coming back home to your wife and kids after a hard day’s work is just…priceless.

Except, that I’m hardly back home, am I not? Most of the time, I’m only back home long after Divi and Rishi are fast asleep. In fact, the only reason why I find Chitra awake at those odd hours is because those were the only time she gets to watch Desperate Housewives and Lipstick Jungle; her favourite soap-operas, which thankfully comes in the form of DVDs now.

But today…today’s going to be different. It’s only 5 in the evening and I’m already heading back home. Maybe I’ll take them out for a wonderful dinner tonight…maybe we could catch a movie later on. Whatever the plan is, I was just excited to be home to my wife and kids.

What did I say? It was a lovely day…

…or so I thought.
[/tscii:915b9c26b8]

[Shakthiprabha]

plz continue jay, sure sounds interesting. :thumbsup:

[viraajan]

:thumbsup: Jay.

[AudazJay]

You've replied within 3 minutes? :o

I feel so humbled, thanks :D

I'll definitely continue.

[Vivasaayi]

I liked it audazay :)

[AudazJay]

Thanks:) It's just a small attempt from my part. Do tell me your opinion when I post the rest of the story.

[hamid]

hellow.......

[Thalafanz]

[tscii:84408f4890]Interesting... :)


Except, that I’m hardly back home, am I not? Most of the time, I’m only back home long after Divi and Rishi are fast asleep. In fact, the only reason why I find Chitra awake at those odd hours is because those were the only time she gets to watch Desperate Housewives and Lipstick Jungle; her favourite soap-operas, which thankfully comes in the form of DVDs now.

:lol:

Btw, You dari mana???

[/tscii:84408f4890]

[pavalamani pragasam]

AudazJay, I like your tagline very much: its meaning is profound and not realised by many! :(
About your story: Intensely likeable family theme! Your narrative skills are awesome! Not a beginner, you are a veteran story-teller! :clap:

[Querida]

Hey AudazJay,

It's funny how many times I have read the humble, modest introductions of a writer here at the hub only to be fully reeled into their story...quite intrigued now...please do go on :)

[AudazJay]

[tscii:b7fcdc0514]Interesting... :)


Except, that I’m hardly back home, am I not? Most of the time, I’m only back home long after Divi and Rishi are fast asleep. In fact, the only reason why I find Chitra awake at those odd hours is because those were the only time she gets to watch Desperate Housewives and Lipstick Jungle; her favourite soap-operas, which thankfully comes in the form of DVDs now.

:lol:

Btw, You dari mana???

[/tscii:b7fcdc0514]

KL :D

[AudazJay]

AudazJay, I like your tagline very much: its meaning is profound and not realised by many! :(
About your story: Intensely likeable family theme! Your narrative skills are awesome! Not a beginner, you are a veteran story-teller! :clap:

Likeable family theme...well, not really, but I'm not saying anything right now.

And thanks a heap for the praises :ty:

[AudazJay]

[tscii:43fb834d4c]-2-

The house sounded awfully quiet. The moment I entered the hall, there was a sudden eerie feeling running down my veins. I felt dreadful all of a sudden.

“Ch- Chitra?” I stammered. Was that me? My voice sounds alien even to myself. There was no reply.

“Chitra?” I tried again.

“In here,” came the brisk reply.

A big relief rushed through me. I quickly walked to the source of the voice and found her sitting alone on one of the garden chairs we kept at the backyard.

“Hi honey, “ I walked towards her and kissed her forehead.

“Hmmm…” her voice was barely audible.

“Did you say something?” I looked at her thoughtfully.

She was never like this. What’s wrong with her? Where are the kids? Why does the house look strange? What is this frightful feeling seeping into me today? There were just too many questions running through me right now but for some reason, I dare not ask her any.

“Hi,“ Chitra replied, rather absently I must say.

What’s wrong with her? I expected her to be happy to see me home so early. Instead, she has barely looked up to my face. She kept looking at the flower bed in front of us, all the while biting her finger nails. I sat on the chair next to her. She was still staring ahead, with a clueless look on her face. I placed my hand on her hand and stroked her hair. She turned to look at the ground now.

“Enna achu? Is something wrong? Diviyum Rishiyum engae?” I inquired.

After a few seconds, which seemed like hours to me, she told me softly, “Diveena…piano classke poireka. Vare neramthan. Rishi-“ she stopped.

“Rishi?” I asked.

She cleared her throat. “Roomle irukan….thoongeran… He’s not well.” She responded slowly.

I stood up hastily. “Why? Enna achu thidirne? Naa poi parkuren. Doctor call paniya?” I asked her, making my way to his room.

“Ram!” she called, a little too loudly, I quess. I turned to look at her.

“Avan konje neram thoongethum, I’ll call the doctor later.” She said.

“Illa Chitu-“

“Please,” she turned to look at my face. “Later…please,” she said, almost begging.

I sensed that something was just not right.

“Enna Chitu? Enna achi? Yen oru madiriya iruke? Something wrong?”

She just shook her head and turned away, but not before I saw a tear dropping from the corner of her eyes.

“Hey- ennama? Are you crying?” I said pulling her to face me. She looked into my eyes and all of a sudden, she start bursting with tears. She covered her face on my chest.

“Chitu, hey! Ennama achi? Inge pare…pareda“ I tried to look at her face but she just shook her head and cried her heart out. I only managed to hug her closer and stroke her hair, all the while consoling her to stop crying.

After what seems like ages, her cries seemed to have reduced into small sobs and she finally pulled back from me.

“Chitu please, enna achu? Why are you crying? Is something’s wrong with Rishi? Enna achu??”

“Yenaku eppadi soluredhene terile, I’m scared,” she whispered and wrapped her hands around herself.

“What do you mean? Chitra, come on. Tell me what’s wrong!” I demanded sternly.

“R-Rishi...Well, he…” she turned to look at me directly. “...he’s been acting rather weirdly for the past few days,” she said, her face filled with anxiety.

“Weird?”
[/tscii:43fb834d4c]

[Querida]

Geez AudazJay you know just how to build up the suspense.... :clap: Think about your readers' plights,don't you think you're being a little cruel? :P

[AudazJay]

:devil:

[pavalamani pragasam]

:sigh2: :sigh2: :sigh2: Daughter is leaving tonight for US with 2 kids-sons; sil left last month on a long term project. They might return in a year or two. I am scred they might get lured by American luxury! The first kid is 1st std only. Yet, I can't stop haranguing her about 'western culture' and my aversion to my progeny having to stand up to 'peer competition'! :shaking:

[AudazJay]

Don't worry, I'm sure they'll be just fine. God bless them :D

[AudazJay]

[tscii:0b85b85e17]-3-

She nodded and looked to the ground again. “I don’t know. He seems a little aloof lately. Ippe ellam, Divi kitte sariya pesa mathikiran.”

A huge sigh left me.

“Ivvalo dhana? Mandu…ithukka ivvalo periya drama pothe? Cheh, uyire poche teriyuma?” I replied, sitting on the chair again. “Akka-thambi kule aayiram irukum. Ippe sandai pothukevange, nalaike serndukevange. Ithelam oru periya problema-”

“Illa Ram, athu mathum illai. Yean kitte kude pesa mathikiran! He doesn’t eat when I tell him to. He doesn’t come down when I call him. Avan thaniyave saperan, thaniya padhethekeran, thaniya vilayaderan. Room-liye avelo neram adenji kadekeran,” she said.

For once, I was speechless.

“I don’t know…maybe it’s my imaginary…but…I caught him talking to himself lately,” she confessed.

“What?” I was deeply disturbed by this. I heard of kids talking to themselves, but…well, Rishi’s my son and he’s only three years old. Please God! Don’t tell me he has problems at this age.

Chitra nodded. “A few times…I caught him talking to himself. I thought it was my imagination, but when I asked him, he just stares at me…like he’s angry or something. Naa enna panuven? And at times, I feel…I don’t want to say this-“ she stopped again.

“What? Come on, damn it!” I shouted. She looked at me utterly shocked. I was shocked myself.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” I quickly said and I was truly sorry this time. I’ve never shouted at her or the kids before this. But this concerns my son, so how am I supposed to keep still?

“Please continue,” I whispered to her while caressing her soft cheeks.

She held my hands tightly, “At times, I feel as if Rishi is standing right behind my back or looking at me, but when I turn to see him, he’s just not there. He would be sitting quietly at the living room. When I ask him anything, he just stares at me, and walks back to the room. Is something wrong with him? Or me?”

“Nothing’s wrong, don’t worry, honey. Ittenai naala yean oru varthai kude sollame irundhe? But I’m sure, there’s nothing to worry about.” I consoled her.

“I always wanted to tell, but something just pops into my mind at that point and I just forget about it. But today, his behavior was totally different from normal,” she told me.

“Why? What happened today?” I asked her eagerly.

“AMMA!”
[/tscii:0b85b85e17]

[pavalamani pragasam]

[tscii:9045ea7eb4]Wow! What mastery in building suspense! :clap:
At first I was holding my breath about adolescent misadventures since the ages of the kids were cleverly kept unrevealed!
Now this “AMMA!”!!! :shaking:

And thanks for your kind words about our daughter's family![/tscii:9045ea7eb4]

[Querida]

I think daytime soaps could take a lesson from you for cliffhangers :lol:

I'm getting a supernatural feel from the last chapter...and then what happened? :fishgrin:

[AudazJay]

[tscii:647eaad6f3]-4-

“AMMA!” my child’s voice. Before I could turn, I knew that my 5 year old daughter was running towards the backyard to her mom. That’s Diveena…always so vibrant and excited. Unlike Rishi…now he’s a different story.

I turned to give a big smile at Diveena. She stopped at her tracks the moment she saw me standing with Chitra. “APPA!” she grinned and jumped at me. I carried her with ease.

“Wow, iniki ivalo sikirema vandhethinge! Evola naal achi ungele parthu?” she said hugging me tightly. Sadness quickly crept into me. I always knew that I should have taken more effort to spend time with them. And right now, the innocent words of my daughter felt like a slap on my face. Somehow I know that I’m guilty of depriving them from the family they need.

Chitra quickly noticed the transformation in me and attempted to change the subject. “Ennadi, ivalo naala amma amma-ne konjikite irundhe, ippe appave parthedhum, ammave marendhe poyiricha?” she teased Divi.

“Illama, appa and amma, rendu perum BEST!” she exclaimed and laughed loudly, clapping her hands.

“Ramana enge da?” I enquired about my driver.

“Uncle veliyile irukare pa. Amma, enaku sariyane pasi, oru chocolate please?” begged Divi in the cute way of hers.

“Adi vanguve! Class-ke pogum bothe oru chocolate mullenggithe thane? Iniki un-quota mudinjadhe. Marupadiyum chocolate venumne kethina, nalai-odhe quotavum cut pannidhuven,” scolded Chitra.

Divi’s face changed. She looked down and then to turned to me. “Appa, please pa. Ore oru chocolate thane pa? Please….”she begged.

I don’t know how Chitra managed to be stern with Divi. Looking at her adorable face, I just didn’t have the heart to tell no to her.

“Divi kanna, Amma sonne pechai ketkenum. Nalaiki appa periye chocolate vangi tharen, ok va?” I managed somehow.

Given a choice, I really don’t mind if Diveena has the second bar of chocolate. But the truth is, Chitra and I have an agreement between us i.e if one has set a particular rule, especially when it’s regarding the interests and the wellbeing of the kids, then the other is duty bound to go along with it, whether he/she likes it or not. This is in order for the kids to know that Chitra and I will always stand by each other’s actions and that no amount of “cute talks” by the kids would change our mind.

“Ponge pa. Bad appa! Bad amma!” she shouted and struggled to get herself out of my arms. “Videnge enna!” she shouted and started to cry. I looked at Chitra helplessly but she just stood there, shaking her head.

I was really not in the mood to hear Divi’s cries as well…not after what Ive gone through with Chitra just now…and definitely not after what I’ve heard about Rishi. God, what a day this is turning out to be.

“OK, OK, chocolate vendam, iniki appa unna shopping kutithe poren. Would you like that?” I asked.

And just like that, she stopped wailing. I could swear that her face looked as if a thousand bulbs were shining on it. “She should have been an actress,” I muttered under my breath.

“Really? Eppa porum? Ippave pogelam, vange pa!” she said and somehow managed to free herself from my grip. “Ramana uncle! Kadi ye start panunge. Namme shopping pogelam!” she shouted and ran off towards the front porch. At that point I was pretty sure that not only Ramana, but the whole neighbourhood would have heard about our shopping trip.

Ramana walked into the house the moment he heard Divi’s voice.

He smiled lovingly at her. “Enna illavarasi amma, shopping pogenuma?” he asked affectionately.

“Yes!, Kaadi start panunge Uncle,” she exclaimed.

“Irunge illavarasi. Thambi-ye kupedhe vendamma? Averum shopping-ke varenum thane?” he asked her.

“Rishi-ya? Aven enge varuvan? Yeppe pathalum avenode friend-da pathiye pesikithe irukan. Loosu Rishi!” she said.

“Diveena!” snapped Chitra. Diveena looked at Chitra and looked down again but thank God, no tears came out from her this time.
[/tscii:647eaad6f3]

[AudazJay]

[tscii:b0c08779b8]-5-

I was actually more stunned by Divi’s remark than Chitra’s sudden outburst. I looked at Chitra.

“Friend? We didn’t discuss this,” I whispered to Chitra.

“I don’t know anything,” she whispered back. I nodded, believing her immediately. I turned to look at Ramana.

“Ramana, car start pani vei. Ippo vandheruvom,” I told him.

“Ok boss!” smiled Ramana before leaving.

“I want to talk to him first,” I told Chitra.

“Yes, please,” she nodded. “I’ll get Divi ready.”

I was already walking upstairs to Rishi’s room while Chitra was talking to Divi.

“Ethanai thadhave unkitte solliruken. Rishiye loosu ne kupidhe kudhadhene-“ I heard Chitra telling Divi.

I knocked on Rishi’s room door before turning the door knob open. Rishi was sleeping soundly on the bed. “Should I wake him up?” I thought to myself.

“Rishi boy,” I called out softly. After a while, he opened his eyes slowly. The moment he saw me, his face widen with a big smile.

“Appa,” he called out.

I opened the door widely and went to sit on his bed. He opened his arms to me with a big grin. I just couldn’t resist kissing his cheeks and giving a big hug to him.

“Thukema Rishi boy?” I asked him. He nodded. Then grinning, he shook his head.

Funny, he looks perfectly fine. There was no fever and he certainly didn’t seem to be acting weird. What was Chitra babbling about just now?

“Uneke odembe sarilene Amma sonange,” I asked him. “Ippo epedi iruke?”

He looked at me…it was more like a stare actually. “Po-“ he said, or so I think. Did I hear him right? He said “po”? Did he really tell me to go away?

“Huh? Enna sonne?”

“Poi pa! “ he looked up to me and said sternly, his eyes glaring with anger.

I was really shaken up by this time. Without realizing, I had moved a few inches away from him.

“Amma poi solurange! Amma vendam pa! Rombe poi! Rombe poi!” he was hysterical by now.

“Hey, enna sollikithe iruke? Amma poi sonanggela? Enna poi?” I asked him, my voice quivering with fear.

“Ellame poi pa. Avenge soleradhe ellame poi! Nambenge, pa,” he pleaded.

I was totally dumbstruck. Chitra’s outburst, Divi’s remarks and now Rishi…suddenly the idea of coming home early didn't appear to be as appealing as i thought it would.

Even handling my most complicated clients is far easier than being with my family right now. I looked at Rishi.

He was lying back on the bed and tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Amma vendam pa. Rombe poi peserange,” he repeated continuously.

“Ram!” I could hear a distant voice calling me.

Chitra’s voice!
[/tscii:b0c08779b8]

[pavalamani pragasam]

Nail-biting suspense!!!

[AudazJay]

Glad you think so :D

There were times when i wondered if my writing was expressive enough to create the feeling that i wanted to invoke on the readers. :confused2:
Your remarks have just lifted my hope :happydance:

[NOV]

add me to your growing list Jay.
continue quickly... suspense thaangala :shaking:

[AudazJay]

continue quickly... suspense thaangala :shaking:

With pleasure :D

[AudazJay]

[tscii:55d8246533]-6-

I walked down slowly to the living room. My head was pounding, my heart was beating fast.

Chitra was lying? Was that what I heard Rishi said? What did she lie about?

“Hey!” a tap on my back. I turned. Chitra looks kinda strange now. Strange? No, not strange…different. She’s really looks different.

“So, what happened? Did you talk to him? Did he say anything?” she asked. Is she using a new perfume? She smells different.

“Hmmm…you’re right, he’s not well. Ethuvume solla mathinggira,” I told her.

“See, see! Didn’t I tell you?” she exclaimed. Her hair looks different too. Did she style it differently?

“Yeah…you did” I retorted.

“Maybe we should take him to the psychiatrist, what do you think?” She even did her manicure and pedicure. Chitra never did this…unless there’s a function to attend or someone special’s coming home.

Someone special?

“Yeah, maybe,” I managed. All of a sudden, I can’t seem to breathe easily.

“I heard about Dr. Vatsala Sivam, she’s really good, I think” So, you’ve done you homework too, huh?

“I’ll think about it,” I just have to sit. My headache is killing me. What’s happening to me? “I need some water,” I whispered softly, too soft even to my ears.

But I guess Chitra must have heard them. She was back in a jiff with a glass of water. I don’t know when I started to walk but before I knew, I was there sitting on the couch. Could this really be happening to me? Was Rishi right? I mean, I’ve heard of many stories whereby the wives cheat on their husbands, but could this be right in our case too? Would Chitra actually cheat me?

“Are you ok?” Chitra asked.

“Yeah,” I mumbled, taking the glass from her. “Are you expecting someone today?” I blurted out.

She looked at me with a blank look on her face. “Expecting someone? Who?”

“I don’t know,” I just shrugged my shoulders. “You look different, that’s why.”

“Yeah right!” so she said and went towards the kitchen. “Anyway, aren’t you getting ready?” she asked from the kitchen.

“Etheku?” For my funeral??? I’m going bonkers! I really think I am!

“You promised Divi you’ll take her out to the mall, remember?” she came to sit beside me.

“Oh right, I forgot…I don’t think I’m too well, Chitu-“

“Why? What’s wrong?” she sounded genuinely concerned.

“No, no, nothing. It’s just that…you know…with all these stuff going on today. I’m just very tired,” I informed.

“At least now you know what I’m going through,” she said.

“Can you do me a favor, honey?”

She looked up.“Yeah?”

“Can you please take Divi to the mall? I’ll look after Rishi,” I needed to do this alone.

“What? You know how difficult he is. How are you going to manage alone?” she asked.

“I’ll manage. Don’t worry. Nee kuthite po. Naan parthekeren.”
[/tscii:55d8246533]

[AudazJay]

[tscii:a25807d081]-7-

Half hours later, I was back at Rishi’s room. He was still lying on his bed, but this time I could hear him talking…but it’s hard to make out what he’s saying.

“Rishi boy,” I called out. I could see his body shudder. Slowly he turned around to look at me.

“What are you doing kanna? Mani 6 achi, yendira pa,” I told him softly.

He gave his cherubic smile again and sat up on the bed.

“Vaa, let’s go downstairs,” I just felt like getting out of this particular room.

He just shook his head. “Why? Ennachu?” I asked him.

“Avenge irupange,” he whispered with his head down.

“Yaaru?”

After a moment or two, came the reply. “Ma…”

“Amma irundhe yennada?” I tried to provoke him to talk more.
“Rombe poi,” he looked up with the same glaring eyes he had just now. It’s weird to note how his facial expressions could change dramatically from one minute to another.

“Enna poi? Amma enna poi sonange boy?”

“Ellame poi pa. Avengele veliye anupidunge! Veliye po solunge pa!” he started.

Such remarks? And that too from a three years old boy? What is he saying? Gosh! My headache came back!

I still remember how proud I was when Rishi said his first words at the age of 8 months. By the age of 2 years, he could converse fluently in both Tamil and English. That amazed me. He amazed me. But looking at him now, I don’t know if I could believe me own ears. I thought I had a perfect family. Why does everything seem to be breaking apart now?

“Rishi, please kanna,” I started. “Appadi ellam pese kudhadhe. Amma poi sole mathange."

“Illai pa-"

“Amma poi sonnangene unaku epadi theriyum?” I asked, my voice harsher than intended.

“Nikhil,” he whispered.

“What?”

“Nikhil told me,” he replied softly.

“Nikhil told you?”
[/tscii:a25807d081]

[NOV]

Nikhil my friend :lol2:

[AudazJay]

Nikhil my friend :lol2:

:confused2:

[NOV]

I think thats a movie title.
forget that, pls continue. :D

[AudazJay]

I think thats a movie title.
forget that, pls continue. :D

Did you mean to say "My Brother...Nikhil"?

Anyway, I'll continue... where was I? :confused2:

[AudazJay]

[tscii:a368395756]-8-

“Rishi,” I called out. He looked up. “Who is Nikhil?”

“He…he’s my friend.

Friend? He doesn’t have many friends. There were some young boys his age around the neighborhood and some at the Montessori he attends. Probably one of them is named Nikhil.

“Where does this Nikhil stays, sweetie?” I asked.

“Ingethan, pa. He stays with his family at the corner house,” he replied. The corner house? I thought no one stays there. Gosh, I should be more observant about my surroundings. Fancy not knowing your own neighbors.

“Ok, fine. So what did this Nikhil guy tell you about amma?”

“He knows things, pa. A lot of things…he sees everything,” Rishi says.

“Everything?”

“Everything that happens here…when you’re not around,” came the reply.

I wished the ground would just open up and swallow me now.
[/tscii:a368395756]

[pavalamani pragasam]

Absolutely terrific!!!
Is Chitra BAD? :argh: :rant: :curse: :angry2: :angry2:
Or is Rishi possessed? :shock: :shaking: :frightened:

[Shakthiprabha]

ah... so is it spooky? adulteration?
I am waiting :)
you ARE A GOOD story teller!

[AudazJay]

I'll post the rest tomorrow...til' then, keep guessing :yessir:

[NOV]

I suspect that Rishi has been abused and that he is fantasizing about having a friend Nikhil.
Classic case.

[AudazJay]

you ARE A GOOD story teller!

You just made my day! :cheer:

:ty: :ty: :ty: :ty: :ty:

[AudazJay]

I suspect that Rishi has been abused and that he is fantasizing about having a friend Nikhil.
Classic case.

Maybe...maybe not :mrgreen: Nevertheless, your remarks seems to have given me second thoughts about changing the climax! Should I? Should I not? :think:

[pavalamani pragasam]

Spinning a yarn at will!

[hamid]

[tscii:19d3a8ebc7]Andy,

your storytelling ability was :notworthy: the way to keep suspenses and keep it going till the end it great.. keep it up..

anyway I didnt like one place. where he suspects his wife.. that doesnt seem to fit the situation.. maybe "Everything that happens here…when you’re not around" cud have come there and then he starts suspcting..

anyway.... I also thought the same way NOV predicted. starting rooomba nallave irukku.. and it was kept in the same way so far .. hope and want it to end that way :D

waiting for the rest.. make sure to complete[/tscii:19d3a8ebc7]

[NOV]

if he doesnt complete, we will do it for him, ennaanga PP mam? :devil:

[AudazJay]

[tscii:695ccb9880]Andy,

your storytelling ability was :notworthy: the way to keep suspenses and keep it going till the end it great.. keep it up..

anyway I didnt like one place. where he suspects his wife.. that doesnt seem to fit the situation.. maybe "Everything that happens here…when you’re not around" cud have come there and then he starts suspcting..

anyway.... I also thought the same way NOV predicted. starting rooomba nallave irukku.. and it was kept in the same way so far .. hope and want it to end that way :D

waiting for the rest.. make sure to complete[/tscii:695ccb9880]

Thanks a lot for your valuable comments :lol2:


[tscii:695ccb9880]anyway I didnt like one place. where he suspects his wife.. that doesnt seem to fit the situation.. maybe "Everything that happens here…when you’re not around" cud have come there and then he starts suspcting..[/tscii:695ccb9880]

To tell the truth, I did have second thoughts about including this part in the story, but then for some reasons, I knew that i have to include it...I'll let you know the reasons when I'm done with the story. :wink:

[AudazJay]

if he doesnt complete, we will do it for him, ennaanga PP mam? :devil:

:omg:

But don't worry, I'll complete the story. Reading through the suggestions you guys had, I even thought about changing the climax...but then, I decided to go ahead with the original climax I had in mind...no matter how imperfect it is :yes:

[AudazJay]

[tscii:9b05d27e61]-9-

I left for office earlier than usual the next day. It’s no wonder since I hardly slept a wink last night. And I knew that Chitra had problem sleeping last night too, noting the way she kept tossing around the bed. I was positive that she was dying to know about my conversation with Rishi that evening but for some reasons, she didn’t ask me anything about it.

What would I tell her, anyway? Chitu, do you know that Rishi has a friend by the name of Nikhil? He lives around the corner and he knows what you’re doing behind my back?

Would that be right? Who is this Nikhil anyway? I’ve never met him before. Would it be right to accuse Chitu of any wrongdoings based on someone else’s words? The words of a child? A child whom I never met before?

The moment I reached my office, I picked up the phone receiver. It’s time to resolve this matter once and for all.

“Hello?” I heard a grouchy voice on the other line.

“Guru? Ram here.”

“Hey man! What’s up? How are you? And Chitra? How’s the kids?”

“Yeah, they’re fine. Listen, I need your help….”

“Hmmm…ok….fine, fine. Don’t worry, I’ll call you up as soon as I get the information.”

“Thanks Guru,”

“And Ram?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t worry. Everything will be fine, I’m sure.”

“Yeah, I sure do hope so.”

I knew that I could rely on Guru. He’s not only the best private investigator in town, he’s also my only best friend in the world.

The moment I hang up my private line, another call came in.

“Sir, you have a call at line 1. From GK Hospital,” said Sheela, my secretary.

Hospital?

“I’ll take it,” I said. “Yes, this is Ram Kumar, who am I speaking to, please?”
[/tscii:9b05d27e61]

[pavalamani pragasam]

if he doesnt complete, we will do it for him, ennaanga PP mam? :devil:

:omg:

But don't worry, I'll complete the story. Reading through the suggestions you guys had, I even thought about changing the climax...but then, I decided to go ahead with the original climax I had in mind...no matter how imperfect it is :yes:

We are very notorious story-tellers whom newcomers better beware of!!! :lol:

[pavalamani pragasam]

A devil for building suspense!!! :o My heart beats faster!!! :shaking:

[AudazJay]

A devil for building suspense!!! :o My heart beats faster!!! :shaking:

Be patient, dear...I'm almost done with the climax :lol2:

[Thalafanz]

if he doesnt complete, we will do it for him, ennaanga PP mam? :devil:

:lol: Antha nAL nyAbagam nenjjilE vanthathEy...
U wil kill everyone in the story no matter how hard PP ma'am, Sinthiya and me try our best to save them... :lol2:

[Thalafanz]

Jay, story-a romba suspense-A nagarthurIngga... So far so good... Eagery waiting to see whats wrong and with who??? :P
Either mommy or son... Let the guesses continue...

[Thalafanz]

Oru vElai... Ram kanavu kAnurArO... :roll:
He woke up and realize that he has been dreaming. The dream thought him the importance of family and Ram realizes his mistake and correct it. They live happily live ever after... Ithu eppadi irukku... :froggrin: :fishgrin:

[AudazJay]

Oru vElai... Ram kanavu kAnurArO... :roll:
He woke up and realize that he has been dreaming. The dream thought him the importance of family and Ram realizes his mistake and correct it. They live happily live ever after... Ithu eppadi irukku... :froggrin: :fishgrin:

Nallathan iruke :goodidea: but that's definitely not it. Kudiye sikirem climax post panuren :mrgreen:

[Thalafanz]

Oru vElai... Ram kanavu kAnurArO... :roll:
He woke up and realize that he has been dreaming. The dream thought him the importance of family and Ram realizes his mistake and correct it. They live happily live ever after... Ithu eppadi irukku... :froggrin: :fishgrin:

Nallathan iruke :goodidea: but that's definitely not it. Kudiye sikirem climax post panuren :mrgreen:

Tensan... Tensan... OrE tensan-appA... :P

[AudazJay]

Tension vendam, nanbane :D Itho climax...

[AudazJay]

[tscii:a7718b41b2]-10-

I hate hospitals. The last time I came to a hospital was during Rishi’s birth. Coming to think about it, I don’t really hate hospitals. It’s the waiting that I hate the most…the anxiety of not knowing how your loved one is…

I know that I shouldn’t have suspected Chitra. What did she do anyway…except surrendering her life for me and the kids? Maybe this was God’s way of punishing me! Maybe this is the price for breaking the trust of your loved ones.

I’m sorry God! I know that I’m guilty, but please don’t punish my wife for this!

I know I would have kept suspecting Chitra if not for the phone call.

The phone call…

“Your wife’s been admitted at our hospital, Mr. Ram. She’s been stabbed at her back…”

“…by your son”.

My mind just went blank at that point. I don’t know what and when I did it but when I came to my senses, I was here, outside the ICU, waiting for the doctor to come out and say something.

Hours later, I saw a well-dressed lady walking up to the reception area. She spoke to the receptionist, then turned to look at my direction. The lady nodded upon seeing me and started to walk towards me.

“Hello, Mr. Ram, I’m Elizabeth Philips.” I just managed to nod. I really didn’t want to talk to anyone right now.

“I’m the investigating officer in this matter,” she continued.

I looked up. She knew that I was interested enough to hear her out now.

“Rishi is sitting at the waiting room right now. Would you like to meet him?” she asked.

I looked down. Slowly, I shook my head. “Not now,” I whispered.

“I thought so,” she said. I looked up.

“You resent him for stabbing your wife. Am I right?” her voice seems stern, almost angry at me.

“I don’t resent him! I…I just can’t meet him right now. I need to know how my wife is, you see?”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Ram. That remark was totally uncalled for. Forgive me for my manners.”

I nodded again.

“But when a child is left here for the past three hours and the father doesn’t seem to come and meet him, well…the actions speaks a thousand words, if you know what I mean,” she continued. I sighed.

“He needs you. Would you please come?” she pleaded.

I walked with her in silence.

Rishi was there, like she said. He was sitting on the couch, his shoulders slouched. His eyes were red and puffy. He’s been crying, that much I could notice. The moment he saw me, he jumped down and ran towards me. I carried him without him asking me to. Then the tears came. He started crying. And so did I. Officer Philips just stared at both of us.

After a while, I put him down on the couch. I turned to look at Officer Philips. “Did he say anything?” I asked.

She nodded.

“What did he say?”

“Why don’t you ask him? He wanted to tell you something,” she said. “I’ll leave you both alone for the moment.”

I turned towards Rishi. I didn’t know how to ask him so I said the first thing that came to my mind.

“Why?”

He just stared at me.

“Why did you stab amma?” I blurted out.

“I didn’t pa!” he said. I was stunned.

“Then who did?”

“Nikhil.”

Nikhil again? “Where is this Nikhil??” I exclaimed. My head felt like bursting.

“He was there pa. He told me to stab amma. He said all mothers are bad. They cheat! He told me to stab. I didn’t want to, pa. Satiyamma pa. Na vendamne sonnen. But he didn’t listen. He told me to take the knife. He kept telling me to stab amma. Bad Amma! He said. Bad Amma! He kept repeating it, pa,” Rishi was hysterical by now.

“Rishi, the doctors told me that you stabbed amma. No one else was at home except amma and you. And how could Nikhil have come to our house??” I asked. My heart was beating so fast that I thought I’ll be having a heart attack.

“Avan ye friend-a pa. He was always there at our house. Nethu ninge room-ke varum pothe kudhe, avan angethan irunthan. You saw him!” Rishi said, and started sobbing.

“What? Rishi, stop lying! There was no one in the room when I came yesterday!”

“Nikhil was there pa. He was at the corner of the room, near the windows. He always sits there. Didn’t you see him?”

I stared at him. Something didn’t feel right. “How…how does this Nikhil look like?” I asked him, the colours on my face draining out.

“He…he looks a little like me, pa. A little taller. It’s just that..”

“Just what??” I was breathing hard by now.

“It’s just that…his…his eyes are white,” he said.

The phone rang. I pressed the “answer” button without taking my eyes off Rishi.

“Ram, Guru here. There’s no one living at the house you mentioned. But I found out something interesting. A news paper article actually,” said Guru.

“I’m listening,” my voice was surprisingly calm.

“Apparently, there was this young couple who lived in the house many years ago. They had a five year old son. The story had it that the boy caught his mother having affair with another man while the husband’s away on a business trip. Eye-witnesses have told the cops that the boy stabbed her with the kitchen knife and set the house on fire. Both the mother and the child were burnt to death. There’s no news about the father, anyway.”

“Did…did the article say what the boy’s name was?” I asked.

“I think so…let me see.”

Even while waiting for Guru’s reply, I knew what the name was.

“Here it is…Nikhil! The boy’s name is Nikhil.”

-THE END-
[/tscii:a7718b41b2]

[NOV]

ghost story :D :D :D

[AudazJay]

I wanted to tell you guys this earlier, but then I thought I might just save it until the end of the story...the truth is, this is a true story, well partly true anyway.

There was a boy (My friend's son) who has an imaginary friend...or so people thought. It was not actually an imagination...the boy could actually describe the friend in great details...from the height, the hair, the clothes, to the white eyes!

And subsequently we found out about a family who died in a fire accident many years ago. They happen to be staying at a corner house in the neighborhood. They had a young boy of the same age. But no one could tell for certain if he was the friend that the boy was describing.

So based on that, I just added a few other parts to make the story a little more interesting. But most of it are genuine though...including the part whereby Ram had the negative vibes about his wife right after talking to his son.

So, that's it I guess. I do welcome any comments/criticisms so do tell me what you think about this.

[NOV]

Nice story telling Jay. :thumbsup:

Except I dont believe in ghosts. If a child has an imaginary friend, its a sign of abuse - probably sexual abuse. Best thing would be to consult a child psychiatrist.

[AudazJay]

Nice story telling Jay. :thumbsup:

:ty:


Except I dont believe in ghosts. If a child has an imaginary friend, its a sign of abuse - probably sexual abuse. Best thing would be to consult a child psychiatrist.

I always thought so...but loneliness could also be a reason for kids to have imaginary friend.

Anyway, I didn't write this story to promote or debate on the existence of ghost. When I heard about this, I thought it was inspiring enough to make it into a story. Hope you guys like it :D

[hamid]

Nice Storytelling Andy.. Definitely didnt expect/predict Ghost ending :D

As NOV said.. I dont belive in Ghost.. Except that it was great.. I thought it will be soemthing like "A Beautiful Mind" ..

Anyway.. great start.. :thumbsup: write more .. :cool:

[AudazJay]

Nice Storytelling Andy.. Definitely didnt expect/predict Ghost ending :D

Thanks Hamid :D

Like I said before, at a certain point, I did think of changing the climax (esp after reading some of the hubbers' predictions on the climax.) Nevertheless, I decided to go on with the ghost ending as that was the main inspiration for me to write the story in the first place.

[Thalafanz]

Nice... Nice... Unmai sambavamA??? :shaking:
Actually, the story can be adapted into a movie with gripping screenplay... :thumbsup:

With

"All the characters and incidents are purely fictional, resemblance to any living or dead is purely co-incidental..." in the title credit... :P

[AudazJay]

Nice... Nice... Unmai sambavamA??? :shaking:
Actually, the story can be adapted into a movie with gripping screenplay... :thumbsup:

With

"All the characters and incidents are purely fictional, resemblance to any living or dead is purely co-incidental..." in the title credit... :P

:goodidea: but padam oduma illaiya-ne eneku teriyathu :ashamed:

[Shakthiprabha]

Jay,

:| ... so its based on facts.

Spooky. very.

You could have added lil more dimension to chitra and her life !

:clap: great going. I am so glad, U DID FINISH the story when the fire is on :D

[Thalafanz]

You could have added lil more dimension to chitra and her life !


Side track-A??? :P :yessir:

[Shakthiprabha]

You could have added lil more dimension to chitra and her life !


Side track-A??? :P :yessir:

illai. that I think would have added more meaning :)

[Thalafanz]

You could have added lil more dimension to chitra and her life !


Side track-A??? :P :yessir:

illai. that I think would have added more meaning :)

Pls eloborate... :) U mean more scope should have been added to show the relationship between Chitra and the kids???

[Shakthiprabha]

illai...as to why the kid and nikhil developed hatred to her. u know a genuine friend or a male company or may be even driver, she casually laughed and spoke, and the kid got restless, as it was immatured to understand the shades of relationship.

[hamid]

SP.. That was really a nice idea..
actually ungala kalaaikkalamnuthaan vanthen.. :oops:

[hamid]

Andy,

kathai peyar kaaranam ennavo?

Actualy I thought that the hero might have been the cause for all.. appadi mudiyumnu ninachen.. he is the like TM :noteeth: or something like tht...

[Shakthiprabha]

hamid,

:roll:

btw, naan kooda apdi thaan ninaichen...hero thaan cuase nnu :D

[Querida]

AudazJay great story :clap: ...I am glad you stuck with the original climax you had in mind...you might have risked being sloppy/unbelievable in order to go against expectations.. :)

You certainly kept up a good pace and I am glad you kept up the pace with posting your story too. I would have liked to know if Chitra was actually at fault as per what Shakti mentioned.

Hmm maybe I am stereotyping....but from almost every relative/family friend I have in Malaysia, I have heard one or more ghost experiences/possession/black magic stories. Even my own Father has his share. Whether or not I believe them is based on how good they tell the story ;)




Except I dont believe in ghosts. If a child has an imaginary friend, its a sign of abuse - probably sexual abuse. Best thing would be to consult a child psychiatrist.

NOV-san I do not believe that every child who has an imaginary friend is a victim of abuse. It is a phase that almost all children go through and it usually ends when ignored or lightly/jokingly indulged and the child knows the limits of this kind of playing. As long as the child is not relating distressful/questionable behavior/experiences to this "imaginary friend".

[pavalamani pragasam]

Like Nov, I too don't believe in ghosts( as a child one of my old cousin brothers tried his best in vain to create fear in me with his ghost stories told with impeccable effects!!!)
Such stories- believed to be true- do the rounds in all countries, in all ages.
Somehow I feel sympathy for parents with children afflicted with such ghostly imaginations/apparitions. It must be traumatic as well brought out in this story.
Congrats, for an interesting story!
Luckily it escaped being mutilated by wicked souls like Nov(and I!) :rotfl:

[NOV]

Luckily it escaped being mutilated by wicked souls like Nov(and I!) :rotfl:I would have killed off the good-for-nothing wife
and you, regardless of your non-belief in ghosts, would have brought her back :evil:

[Thalafanz]

Luckily it escaped being mutilated by wicked souls like Nov(and I!) :rotfl:I would have killed off the good-for-nothing wife
and you, regardless of your non-belief in ghosts, would have brought her back :evil:

:lol:

[AudazJay]

illai...as to why the kid and nikhil developed hatred to her. u know a genuine friend or a male company or may be even driver, she casually laughed and spoke, and the kid got restless, as it was immatured to understand the shades of relationship.

I did think about adding more characters but I felt that the story, as it is, was too lengthy. And adding more characters or giving more scope to Chitra's or to any other characters for that matter, would tend to make the story a little more dreary.

But thanks for the suggestions. I'll definitely keep this is in mind if/when I write my next story :D

[AudazJay]

Andy,

kathai peyar kaaranam ennavo?

Actualy I thought that the hero might have been the cause for all.. appadi mudiyumnu ninachen.. he is the like TM :noteeth: or something like tht...

The title was meant to generate curiosity...but then again, i felt that it was appropriate for this story as Rishi believes that no matter how abnormal or odd Nikhil may seem, he is his friend.
I could have used the word "friend" as compared to "companion" in the title, but the story would then be too obvious to predict.

Anyway, what's TM?

[Thalafanz]

Anyway, what's TM?

Hub-la TM-nA yAru-nu kEtta mothal aalu nEngga thAn... :lol2:

[AudazJay]

AudazJay great story :clap: ...I am glad you stuck with the original climax you had in mind...you might have risked being sloppy/unbelievable in order to go against expectations.. :)

You certainly kept up a good pace and I am glad you kept up the pace with posting your story too. I would have liked to know if Chitra was actually at fault as per what Shakti mentioned.

Hmm maybe I am stereotyping....but from almost every relative/family friend I have in Malaysia, I have heard one or more ghost experiences/possession/black magic stories. Even my own Father has his share. Whether or not I believe them is based on how good they tell the story ;)




Except I dont believe in ghosts. If a child has an imaginary friend, its a sign of abuse - probably sexual abuse. Best thing would be to consult a child psychiatrist.

NOV-san I do not believe that every child who has an imaginary friend is a victim of abuse. It is a phase that almost all children go through and it usually ends when ignored or lightly/jokingly indulged and the child knows the limits of this kind of playing. As long as the child is not relating distressful/questionable behavior/experiences to this "imaginary friend".

Thanks for your comments. I'm beaming with joy with all your wonderful remarks :D

About Chitra...well, I'm going to leave that to your own imagination :wink: Chitra may or may not be the innocent party here. After all, she spends most of her time with the kids, so there are chances to believe that she was abusive to her kids, rishi in particular which then lead him to create an imaginary friend (Nikhil).

Then again, if Nikhil is believed to be a ghost, then the chances are that he believes all mothers are evil (based on what happened in his own life) which eventually compelled him to instill the same belief in Rishi.

Reading the story again today, I felt that the part where Rishi says "that his friend Nikhil stays at the corner house" could have been avoided...that would have stirred more prophecies... :think:

[AudazJay]

Anyway, what's TM?

Hub-la TM-nA yAru-nu kEtta mothal aalu nEngga thAn... :lol2:

I'm sorry..naan inge puthusu...I'm yet to familiarise myself with the abbreviations used here. Manichukungo :ashamed:

[Thalafanz]

Anyway, what's TM?

Hub-la TM-nA yAru-nu kEtta mothal aalu nEngga thAn... :lol2:

I'm sorry..naan inge puthusu...I'm yet to familiarise myself with the abbreviations used here. Manichukungo :ashamed:

ChummA sonnEn. :) TM - Thirumaran (Mod) - Hubbers' Lounge-la romba bavviyamA, kuzhanthai thanamA ulA varuvAr... :P

[pavalamani pragasam]

'kuzhanthai thanamA'- :omg:

[NOV]

[tscii:f5d6d4f07d]
Man kills mum after late father’s ‘whisperings’


“MYSTERIOUS whisperings” from his dead father urged a man to slash his mother’s throat with a kitchen knife at their home in Kuala Langat, reported Harian Metro.

Believed to be mentally ill, the 45-year old man used the knife on his 73-year-old mother at noon on Monday.

Kuala Langat OCPD Supt Mohammad Radzi Ishak said the murder was discovered when the suspect’s brother visited his mother, who had been ill, at about 4.45pm that day.

“The suspect denied his brother entry while still clutching the knife,” he said.

Supt Mohammad Radzi added that the suspect then told his brother that he had killed their mother after hearing mysterious whisperings from their late father.

Police rushed over to the house after receiving the brother’s report and took several minutes to persuade the man to surrender, he said.

He added that they found the victim’s body in the living room with slash marks on the neck.

Supt Mohammad Radzi said the man had been remanded for seven days and that the case would be investigated under Section 302 of the Penal Code.http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2009/8/19/nation/4542868&sec=nation[/tscii:f5d6d4f07d]

[pavalamani pragasam]

Horrid!

[AudazJay]

Schizophrenia?