US and THEM

[complicateur]

[tscii:e85e93133b]Reworked an old attempt at a bit of fiction. It seems a little simplistic in hindsight but I would like second, third and many other opinions.
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“Bob! Tall white soy mocha with no whipped cream for Bob!” the barista called out. As I walked to the counter and picked up my drink, a girl waiting for her order took one look at me and smiled. I smiled back sheepishly. I had taken to giving my name as “Bob” at restaurants and cafés that felt that knowing their customer’s name made service more personalized. It’s not that I am ashamed of my name. It saved me the trouble of having to spell out Kothandaraman each time and them the embarrassment of butchering my name. At my regular haunt downtown they just call out my drink, but I guess it wasn’t the smartest move to assume they would do the same here. I slink back to my table, thankful for The Times and bury my head in an article about Rahm Emmanuel. Just as I learn that Rahm’s brother Ari is a Hollywood heavyweight, the phone vibrates indicating I received a text. “About 5 minutes away” it said, “just getting gas.”

It was a similar vibration that had brought me to this suburban Starbucks. As a 27 year old single Indian straight male I was beginning to suffer from a common affliction, giving-in-to-your-parents-wishes-itis. The symptoms were fairly easy to spot – I was tired of coming home to an empty apartment, the channa masala that tasted divine after the third experimental trial in grad school just didn’t cut it any more and watching the end of When Harry met Sally actually left me with a lump in my throat. It wasn’t by choice that the apartment was empty though. I’d been on my share of dates and sowed the occasional wild oat but it had become increasingly clear why birds of a feather flocked together. I had no explanations for Susan when she asked why I would rather go watch a movie where a middle aged cop romanced a young divorcee in song and dance while hunting possibly homosexual serial killers than come to her sister’s daughter’s bat-mitzvah. Elle couldn’t wrap her mind around the idea that I could listen to some dude called Sikkil Gurucharan elaborate on a single letter, aaaa, for 15 minutes straight and term it delightful music. It was a cop out, but I had decided that it might be easier to convince a ThirunelvEli girl to shop at Victoria’s Secret. But my ever-enterprising parents had a middle of the road solution. Apparently they knew a single ThirunelvEli girl who lived within a 50 mile radius who did shop at Victoria’s Secret – Ok I’m exaggerating that isn’t exactly what they said in the phone call that brought me to the café. (Boy would that have been an awkward conversation) So I gave Priya a call and set a date, today, to grab a cup of coffee. And now I wait as she fills up her car.

When she walks in 20 minutes past our set time, I still have my head buried in the Times. I jump a little when she taps my shoulder but recover when I remembered the picture I had on my Gtalk profile. We exchange the usual pleasantries, bash our respective bosses in moderation and talk about how opportune it is that gas prices fall during elections. The election being recent and fresh in our minds we dwell a little. “I’m so glad we could finally erase the race barrier. Electing Obama is a big step. Do you realize Bobby Jindal might actually have a shot at being president?” she says. I nod in agreement. “Not politically inclined?” she asks sensing a lack of interest. “No I’m just a good listener” I deflect. She smiles and continues, “I don’t think we should bail out the auto manufacturers in Detroit.” “We?” I say. “Well I mean the U.S. Government. What kind of free market economy socializes banks and then bails out its industries? They ought to die their rightful death if you ask me” she opines. I continue smiling and nodding. “Still being a good listener?” she jibes. “OK I won’t drone on, lets talk about something else. I just saw Burn after Reading. The Coens are hilarious, right? What was the last movie you saw?”. “Devar Magan” I say. “It has been so long since I saw a Tamil movie you know, very little access around here. You probably have Indian stores close to your place huh?” she says. “Nope I own a pirated copy; I can send you a link for an online version if you’re interested” I offer. “Sure. But I doubt if I’ll get time to watch it. Anyway I prefer watching movies on the big screen. What kind of music do you listen to, mostly Indian film?” she assumes. I don’t feel the need to go over how I had played Dark Side of the moon in concurrence with the Wizard of Oz to verify the legend or how I had shelled out a large amount of money to see Radiohead live just a few weeks ago. “Yup!” I confirm and the conversation swings into shutdown mode. We go through the usual lets-stay-in-touch-but-not-really motions and she gets up to leave. As I get into my car my phone vibrates again. This time it’s my parents. “Enna aachchu” its says in English alphabet. I control my urge to diffuse a serious conversation by replying “kozhanthai azhuthuthu. Please buy Woodwards Grape Water”. I don’t know whether to laugh or get mad at how involved they are in this process. I begin to type “I think she is a little too Americanized Maa…
[/tscii:e85e93133b]

[pavalamani pragasam]

An increasing dilemma in the marriage scenario!!! Choices and desires, old traditions and new trends coming to a confrontation! Compromises the only option? How sad! :(

[Querida]

not simplistic at all! It's so rich with detail!...I'm surprised that i think it's the first time I've read about a girl and not have her described (usually with stereotypical features/notions) but it would lend a possible reason to why our hero is so reticient....???
I wonder if you will elaborate why he wouldn't take more charge of the conversation or allow her to think he only listens to desi music....will you continue? I hope so!

[crazy]

:lol: sorry I just like the way you end the story(?)

Good... :clap:

[complicateur]

Querida: Thanks. And good point on the lack of description of the girl. I would like to claim credit for leaving that angle open, but the truth is I was so obsessed with the central conceit that it is just a happy coincidence. About continuing, I am a little obsessed with the theme, so I might continue but in a different setting.

Crazy: Thanks. Ithukku ethukku sorry ellaam?

[complicateur]

pavalamani pragasam: Compromising always leads to issues. Not compromising does too. Damned if you do, Damned if you dont and all that. Thanks for your comments.

[pavalamani pragasam]

Absolutely correct! I have chance to witness it around today's changing scenario!

[P_R]

Very well written complicateur :thumbsup:

Wild oat pretensions and the overrated independence of culinary experiments have been finally shown their right place.

When people take umbrage to a society categorizing them as consumers (an n point vector in the market space - pardon the microeconomic pun), one can apply the balm that the consumption set can include not just products and services but also 'art and culture' consumables. Along such definitions we labour to bring about to mould 'ourselves'. It helps to present an easily digestible picture of ourselves to other people. But then we settle to 'understanding' ourselves on the same lines. And The humour coccoon one withdraws into with its palliative functions came out well.

Do keep writing. :thumbsup:

cheers
Prabhu

PS: Next time,do look around when there is a chai tea latte for 'Jamal'. ;-)

[complicateur]

Et tu PR. In keeping with Aristotle's guidelines, I guess Jamal is the more probable impossibility :) .


Loneliness is the last great taboo.

"If we don't accept loneliness, then capitalism wins hands down. Because capitalism is all about trying to convince people that you can distract yourself, that you can make it better. And it ain't true.

I also thought the above quote from this (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-513967/Tilda-Swinton-Her-toyboy-elderly-lover-intriguing-m-nage-trois.html) link is very apt considering your microeconomic punnery.

And Thanks. I will try to keep writing. Hopefully one in Thamizh soon.

[P_R]

Was re-reading the story again last evening. Must say very well written.

The mathematical analogy I was trying to make was to heighten the absurdity. "Tell me about yourself" is such a stumper. You can't quite answer that in a remotely satisfactory way. In fact as you form an answer you surprise yourself. "I am x...I like y" etc. and in the background you are going " really ?....hmm... not that sure". And all this when "likes and dislikes" are themselves overrated as steps to understand a "person". But it is not just capitalism that has us believe this. It is a soft target. It is just the human urge categorize, enumerate, to order for ease of understanding and absorption.

To quote a line from an old Tamil poem:

பக்கத்தூர் பட்த்து மைல்
என்று காட்டுகின்ற கைகாட்டி
இரண்டடிக்குள் முடிந்துவிடும்
திறம்மிகு திறனாய்வாய்

Yeah ! The board isn't 10 miles long, it has hopefully communicated the distance to the reader. Can we do the same ?
Can we really say. Words, with their feeble abilities are all we rely on for vital things. Even if words were to be 'understood' correctly, to expect people tp go beyond and understand and ignore words when necessary is just too much of an expectation.

Having to make sense and having to be reasonable is itself a task.

From AK Ramanujan's "Love Poem for a Wife", it can be distractingly shocking but conceptually he just nails it:

Probably only the Egyptians had it right:
their kings had sisters for queens
to continue the incests of childhood
into marriage.

[thilak4life]

Nice. :clap:

I'm inclined to go a bit tangential now.

Is arranged marriage a faux-pas? The short exchanges before the decision, they don't really give you the picture. Do they? Then again it depends. Is it mental or physical stimulation you're looking for..


And all this when "likes and dislikes" are themselves overrated as steps to understand a "person".

I agree. But again, You need not understand the person, and still have a relationship for the "likes and dislikes", and live together. you get aroused by some quality so to speak..

And yes, that excerpt from "Love Poem for a Wife" is a honest reflection in deed.

[complicateur]

The mathematical analogy I was trying to make was to heighten the absurdity. "Tell me about yourself" is such a stumper. You can't quite answer that in a remotely satisfactory way. In fact as you form an answer you surprise yourself. "I am x...I like y" etc. and in the background you are going " really ?....hmm... not that sure". And all this when "likes and dislikes" are themselves overrated as steps to understand a "person". But it is not just capitalism that has us believe this. It is a soft target. It is just the human urge categorize, enumerate, to order for ease of understanding and absorption.
Completely understand your reason for the quip Prabhu and agree that capitalism is a soft target. The reason I brought that quote up was not to re-inforce my own opinion on the subject. Just that quite coincidentally just a couple of nights before your post I had an extensive chat with an acquaintance on the vagaries of marriage and consequently monogamy.

Tilda Swinton came up over the course of conversation as a result of her rather non-traditional relationship and we uncovered that quote from her. Not surprising considering her allegiance to communism. We (meaning my conversation partner and myself) obviously had opinions that differed with her and between ourselves as well. It just seemed oddly appropriate to bring up the quote in relation to your characterization of self as a "consumer" in a market space.

When faced with absurd questions such as the one you mention above I am often tempted to get lost in extrapolations and caveats, sometimes even in a job interview much to the detriment of my fiscal entity. In a social situation, one assumes that the constructs being less rigid gives one more leeway to elaborate. But the truth is one ends up a cat with balls of twine, running in all directions trying to tie up loose ends without opposible thumbs. I am unable to stop laughing (or crying - same thing really) when I hear dialaak's like "oruththara oruththar nallA purinjukittOm" and all that.

Leaves me with a question. Is it intellectual elitism to deny someone else's prerogative to classify us as "x who likes y"?



From AK Ramanujan's "Love Poem for a Wife", it can be distractingly shocking but conceptually he just nails it:

Probably only the Egyptians had it right:
their kings had sisters for queens
to continue the incests of childhood
into marriage.

Brilliant lines - distracting only if one is unable to see beyond the literal.


Nice. :clap:

I'm inclined to go a bit tangential now.

Is arranged marriage a faux-pas? The short exchanges before the decision, they don't really give you the picture. Do they? Then again it depends. Is it mental or physical stimulation you're looking for..

Thanks Thilak. The term "arranged marriage" is a misnomer. There may be an arranged wedding at best.


I agree. But again, You need not understand the person, and still have a relationship for the "likes and dislikes", and live together. you get aroused by some quality so to speak.. Compatibility-ngrathu enna-naa......

[P_R]

much to the detriment of my fiscal entity. :lol:



But the truth is one ends up a cat with balls of twine, running in all directions trying to tie up loose ends without opposible thumbs. As Raju would say...nyAbagam vachigirEn....engiyAvadhu adchchu udrEn


Is it intellectual elitism to deny someone else's prerogative to classify us as "x who likes y"? Yes. But man should fight being reduced to a blurb and resist all attempts at categorization.

In Madurai District Central Library I once found History of Cricket categorized under History ! I won't be surprised if "Birth of a Nation" was categorized under gynaecology and obstetrics !

Epigraph to GV.Desani's "All About H. Hatterr".

Indian Middle-man (to Author): Sir, if you do not identify your composition a novel . how them do we itemize ? Sir, the rank and file are entitled to know.
Authir (to Indian Middle-man): Sir, I identify it a gesture. Sir, the rank and file are entitled to know
i.m.m : Sir, there is no immediate demand for gestures. There is immediate demand for novels. Sir, we are literary agents not free agents
Author: Sir, I identify it a novel. Sir, itemize it accordingly
:D

[thilak4life]

Compli,

"arranged wedding" it is.


Compatibility-ngrathu enna-naa........:confused: I said this need not always be the case.

I said "still have a relationship for the "likes and dislikes", and live together. you get aroused by some quality so to speak.."

Admittedly a risky egjample, I saw this film Unnale Unnale today. I'm tempted to bring it into this context. Vinay isn't really "compatible" with Sadha, while he gets along very much with Tanisha mukherjee, the exact antithesis of Sadha. But Vinay still urges for the arrogant ever-so-doubting Sadha. This isn't inexplicable really.

Let's take "arranged wedding", I know few guys(especially fellow software coolies) who yearn to go abroad, simply because they could get better looking girls. However ugly it sounds. Few people look for physical stimulation from a relationship. Then there are others who would prefer a girl who could engage in Kierkegaard aesthetics and Dostoyevskian fixation. There is a lovely short story "The whore of Mensa" by Woody Allen which has tarts who do intellectual intercourses for money. :)

[complicateur]

In Madurai District Central Library I once found History of Cricket categorized under History ! I won't be surprised if "Birth of a Nation" was categorized under gynaecology and obstetrics ! :lol: .

PR: It seems Desani was just as concerned with the well being of his fiscal entity :) .




Is it intellectual elitism to deny someone else's prerogative to classify us as "x who likes y"? Yes. But man should fight being reduced to a blurb and resist all attempts at categorization.
I read the "Yes" very matter-of-factly and started :lol:




Compatibility-ngrathu enna-naa........:confused: I said this need not always be the case.

I said "still have a relationship for the "likes and dislikes", and live together. you get aroused by some quality so to speak.."

Admittedly a risky egjample, I saw this film Unnale Unnale today. I'm tempted to bring it into this context. Vinay isn't really "compatible" with Sadha, while he gets along very much with Tanisha mukherjee, the exact antithesis of Sadha. But Vinay still urges for the arrogant ever-so-doubting Sadha. This isn't inexplicable really.

Let's take "arranged wedding", I know few guys(especially fellow software coolies) who yearn to go abroad, simply because they could get better looking girls. However ugly it sounds. Few people look for physical stimulation from a relationship. Then there are others who would prefer a girl who could engage in Kierkegaard aesthetics and Dostoyevskian fixation. There is a lovely short story "The whore of Mensa" by Woody Allen which has tarts who do intellectual intercourses for money. :)

Thilak,
The open endedness of my repartee' was in light of both the ambiguity and my lack of understanding of this term (compatibility) that has inherited some sort of implicit meeting. avvaLavE.

And risky example indeed. But I guess the point being discussed is not so much explicability as the need for things to be explicable. "She has a certain je ne sais quoi" is just as common a refrain as "we have so much in common".

And thanks for that short story tip - have looked it up for later reading. I guess a question to ask as related to your coworker example is - What is the level of confidence they have in their choice of stimulus ?

[equanimus]

Few people look for physical stimulation from a relationship. Then there are others who would prefer a girl who could engage in Kierkegaard aesthetics and Dostoyevskian fixation.
Clementine: Joel, I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm going to make them alive. But I'm just a f*cked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours.
Joel: I remember that speech really well.
Clementine: I had you pegged, didn't I?
Joel: You had the whole human race pegged.
Clementine: Hmm. Probably.
Joel: I still thought you were going to save my life, even after that.
Clementine: Mmm. I know.

On a different note, I'm somewhat disappointed at the mild disdain towards, ahem, "arranged" marriage. But I guess it needs to be addressed rather eloquently. :P

Complicateur,
Accept my apologies for mini-hijacking the thread. EdhO thUkkak kalakkaththula post paNNittEn. I'll sink myself into your story and wash off the misdeed.

[complicateur]

Eq.: I like the visual metaphor for mini-hijacking. And hijack away without guilt. While it is appreciated if you do take the time out to peruse the story and provide feedback, there is as such no "pollA janangaL" catharsis requirement to participate in the discussion.

P.S: While I look forward to you polemic piece on the perceived disdain towards arranged marriage, where was it that you sensed the disdain in the discussion?

[thilak4life]

What is the level of confidence they have in their choice of stimulus ?

One should look in context of "arranged weddings". I'm going to get a girl whom I may have not met. A good-looking girl would be some consolation. Social construct, and natural instinct(s), etc... Generally, The confidence level is higher in "arranged weddings".

[thilak4life]

Few people look for physical stimulation from a relationship. Then there are others who would prefer a girl who could engage in Kierkegaard aesthetics and Dostoyevskian fixation.
Clementine: Joel, I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm going to make them alive. But I'm just a f*cked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours.
Joel: I remember that speech really well.
Clementine: I had you pegged, didn't I?
Joel: You had the whole human race pegged.
Clementine: Hmm. Probably.
Joel: I still thought you were going to save my life, even after that.
Clementine: Mmm. I know.

:)


On a different note, I'm somewhat disappointed at the mild disdain towards, ahem, "arranged" marriage. But I guess it needs to be addressed rather eloquently. :P

Trust me it is quite insignificant on a broader scale. :P

Love or arranged marriage debate is tiring. I don't know how many times it boils down to statistical assumptions, and subjectivity. Darn the Post modern relativism. "if the boot fits, then wear it".

Then there is always an element of uncertainty about the "other". The "ideal" soul-mate is reserved for Pigeons. Humans are complicated, right? So there is no perfect "marriage". Oh, what a profound observation I've made. :P Personally, I'm fine with Humans finding (or trying to find) happiness, love and solace in their own ways (rape, homicide, pedophilia, serial killers don't count).

[equanimus]

Trust me it is quite insignificant on a broader scale. :P

Love or arranged marriage debate is tiring.
Yes. That's exactly the point I was trying to make. To put it bluntly, prachanai ellAm oNNu dhAn. Eloquent essay cancel.

[pavalamani pragasam]

:)

[chevy]

[tscii:2864a7eb97]Haha. "I control my urge to diffuse a serious conversation by replying “kozhanthai azhuthuthu. Please buy Woodwards Grape Water”. " lol..


good one. [/tscii:2864a7eb97]