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complicateur
16th October 2008, 06:18 AM
[tscii]On July 29th 2008 there was a 5.4 on the richter earthquake epicentred in Chino Hills in California. I sat in my cubicle through it, completely oblivious and listening to Harris Jayaraj's En Anbe from Sathyam. The incident inspired the fictional (really short) story below. It needs work, so feedback would be appreciated.
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Notepad and blackberry in hand, I strode out of the conference room in a great hurry, thankful that I had picked the flats over the heels from the line up this morning. No sauntering for me today, not if I had to get those TRP reports out by COB. It is busy work and I always put it off till later. Like Phil said the other day, procrastination is like …, in the end I was just screwing myself. I had acted disgusted when he said it, but I have to admit it was funny and sort of appropriate. Aah, there it is, my other Eden, demiparadise, my cubicle. I set my notepad and blackberry on the desk and pull the Ipod out of the purse. Total godsend that machine. I couldn’t get through the rest of the day without it. I pull my ‘auditiara’, Phil-speak for headphones, on and let the music provide me aural succor. Half a report in I've drifted into cruise control.

Sixth report in, something new pops up on my playlist. Guitar strumming that sounded oddly like a chinese harp.A few interesting notes from the voice and my mind was off standby. Then the chorus. It had a sort of effervescent quality to it. Lifting my memories to a more uncomplicated time. Or was it?

"ஆத்தாடி ஆசை அலை பாய,
சேர்த்துக்கோ மீசை கொட சாய..."

It was his moustache that made me notice him first. Under his nose sat the most anachronistic Frank Zappa moustache. Of course at that time I had no clue who Zappa was, the ‘stache just made him seem older and consequently cooler. Didn't hurt that he was easy on the eyes of course. We always sat in the same spots on the college bus. Vandhana and me two rows behind the driver and he and his friend Nari one row behind us on the other side. Isn’t it weird how intrinsically transitive things, like seats, become constancies sometimes? They were the talkative ones, Vandhana and Nari. Partners in crime and otherwise, they always had a wisecrack handy for the cleaners mixtapes and always had a prank in the planning. Birthdays and wastefully spent cakes were their specialty. So much so that people went to extreme lengths to hide their birthdays. I was the spectatorial type and he was... OK, I assigned him the strong but silent role. Why else would both of us pick the window seats? Observer's delights those window seats - just far enough from the action, both inside and outside the bus.

"கூத்தாடி கொட மழை பெய்ய"

It was one of those December chennai evenings. The clouds had spent their rain, everything was damp and the liquid embers were still on the window frames. The cleaner insisted on playing an old Raja mixtape and there were no complaints from the bus inhabitants, for once. I was letting the wind caress my cheeks through the window while stealing the occasional glance towards him. During the peak of one of those pendulous eye movements I spied a tear escaping his eyes. I think Nari noticed it too." என்னடா அழற்ரியா ?" he had asked. "இல்லடா, just a drop of water from the window" he replied, afraid of the hazing that was in store if he couldn't explain it away convincingly. Nari believed him, but I didn't. I had watched as that single tear escaped through the inner corners of his eye. Incongruous little thing - it sat oddly with the rest of his facial features. I don't even know what the tear was doing there, but it was something about him that only I knew and I liked that. As "நேத்து ஒருத்தர ஒருத்தர பார்த்தோம்" played on the stereo, I went into a Raja fueled reverie where everyone was opening our wedding invitations in utter disbelief. How surprised everyone would be when we told everyone about our little love story? How it was the both of us, not Nari and Vandhu, that had gotten together after college? How they would say that it was the silent ones that could never be trusted.....

I am pulled out of my double reverie by Phil's voice. "You didn't feel that?" he asks. "What?" I shoot back. "We just had a minor earthquake. Everyone evacuated the building. I came back to get you". I guess there's some benefit to sleeping with a coworker. I sheepishly gather my Ipod and followed him out, head phones still on my ear. "Princess can't bring herself to take of the tiara, huh?" Phil chuckles. And the song played on...

"ஆத்தாடி அசந்தே போனாயா?
ஆசையில் மெலிந்தே போனாயா?
நாக்கடி நலிந்தே போனயா?
காதலில் கரைந்தே போனயா?"

crazy
16th October 2008, 09:43 PM
:)

thilak4life
17th October 2008, 01:08 AM
Complicateuss?

complicateur
17th October 2008, 02:41 AM
Crazy: Thanks (?)

Thilak: Did you intend that as a female version of my nick ?

thilak4life
17th October 2008, 02:51 AM
Crazy: Thanks (?)

Thilak: Did you intend that as a female version of my nick ?

-deleted-

thilak4life
17th October 2008, 03:09 AM
:oops: Sorry dude. Just saw the other thread. Sure you convinced me with une fille voice. :D

complicateur
17th October 2008, 03:11 AM
No intended as in, You are a bird? At risk of sounding sexist, Strange that you like Cartman.

I say you aren't being sexist if you erring on the side of statistics.

But no, not a bird. Just trying on some feathers for size :) . I was attempting to write like a woman (but in a less snarky manner than Jack Nicholson in As Good As it Gets).

thilak4life
17th October 2008, 03:15 AM
No intended as in, You are a bird? At risk of sounding sexist, Strange that you like Cartman.

I say you aren't being sexist if you erring on the side of statistics.

But no, not a bird. Just trying on some feathers for size :) . I was attempting to write like a woman (but in a less snarky manner than Jack Nicholson in As Good As it Gets).


:lol: (ok, I'm watching too much of SP)

P_R
17th October 2008, 01:04 PM
The gender of the narrator caught me off guard. I had to re-read.
All this after waxing eloquent on multiple occasion of distancing the narrator and author, the author is dead and all that :-) Good one complicateur !

The chronological order of the reverie and what is being remembered was a bit elusive.

From the expression 'double reverie' I could infer something about the order. That rather seemed to indicate that the first reverie - inner loop if you will - was a musing on the possibilities than a recollection. That reading made it very impressive for me.The uncertainty of the realization and memorable passing fancies seemed to connect to the mild (eventless) tremor.

Am I overreading ?

complicateur
17th October 2008, 08:39 PM
The author is dead and all that :-)
The chronological order of the reverie and what is being remembered was a bit elusive.
From the expression 'double reverie' I could infer something about the order. That rather seemed to indicate that the first reverie - inner loop if you will - was a musing on the possibilities than a recollection. That reading made it very impressive for me.The uncertainty of the realization and memorable passing fancies seemed to connect to the mild (eventless) tremor.

Am I overreading ?

Thanks for your insightful reading, as always, Prabhu. Once something is written it belongs more to the reader illayA. So overreading isn't that much of an issue. In this case you've got to the root of the writing stimulus perfectly.
Firstly the death of the author - Itha ezhutha attempt paNNathe athukku thAn. I was thinking in terms of separation of self. I suppose we are referring to the same thing.
About the chronology - Yea I was worried about that structure. Must work on it if I rewrite this. And then you hit the nail on the head, with that passing fancy mild tremor connection - that sort of brought things together after that first idea.

MADDY
15th November 2008, 10:40 AM
I guess there's some benefit to sleeping with a coworker

ngokka makka :lol: beautiful story :wink: .........leaves u with a scattered image of things :)

pavalamani pragasam
15th November 2008, 10:58 AM
Beautifully, cleverly structured! Complicated like a zigsaw puzzle, yet clear as its whole pattern! :clap: If detailed, direct description is one genre this leaving things unsaid, but clear for a comprehending reader is another genre, a more interesting, intelligent one, of storytelling.

complicateur
18th November 2008, 12:02 AM
Maddy: Thanks. The scattered image is possibly a function of the structure.

pavalamani pragasam: I believe that sometimes there is more music in silence and more meaning in what is unsaid, so thanks a million for the compliments.

Querida
22nd November 2008, 04:24 AM
Complicateur this is the second time I hoped that your next post would be " to read more please purchase my novel available at all bookstores this month!" I got the weirdest look from my friend when my eyes widened at "benefits of sleeping with a coworker", that really did surprise me...i'm so use to desi authors maintaining the purity/chastity of their female characters...well friend read it and you guessed it..it led to yet another fan of your writing! :D Hope you continue to write even if it isn't (sadly) a continuation of the stories you have begun :thumbsup:

complicateur
24th November 2008, 06:51 AM
Querida: Thanks for the effusive praise. But one is embarrassed when words like novel are bandied about. I'm definitely not there yet.

chevy
26th January 2009, 10:48 AM
I am becoming your fan complicateur.. next time (have those tamil words typed in english..i ll read 'em much faster ) lolz

complicateur
29th January 2009, 09:40 AM
Thank you Chevy. :)
Since the song was in thamizh I felt it was only appropriate to let the source reflect accurately! Will make a note for the future.