Why is matrimony seen as something so important for women?

[Bipolar]

I wonder, why is marriage seen as something so important for women in our society? We have this expression - "vaazhkai kudukkuradhu" - as if a woman's life is not worth living without marriage... We also have other words such as "vaaLaavatti" - which I think is a horrible word - but it shows to me that we have to change many of the attitudes in our "great" culture (Thamizh kalaachaaram)...

Many parents who have daughters seem to think that they have a "duty" to get their daughters married... I think that the only duty that parents have is to provide decent education (of course - food, clothing, shelter, etc.). But I feel that parents should not keep making decisions for their children - they should teach their children to make decisions for themselves - it should be the decision of the children when and whom to marry...

The practice of arranged marriages, in my view, is not entirely suitable for the world we live in today...

I think, in the past, arranged marriages were required because people lived in joint families, so a new person coming into the house affected everyone - so the aim was not just to choose a suitable wife for the young man, but to find a suitable daughter-in-law, so everyone had to have a say, not just the two people who were getting married. But in today's world, nuclear families seem to be the growing trend...

Plus, I feel that the caste system probably was a cause - people wanted to make sure that marriages were within the caste, so they had to "arrange" things appropriately...

Plus, it was probably seen as a way for families to establish relationships with each other...

But with the way society is today, I think the emphasis should be on providing education - not just a school education and a university degree, but proper character development, and teaching of the realities of the world, so individuals can make proper, informed, knowledgeable decisions for themselves.

Women shouldn't just be encouraged to adopt figures such as KaNNagi and Sita as their role models... (meek, obedient housewives) I think they should adopt strong, high-achieving women as their role models...

Marriage should be a matter of choice, not obligation!!!

[Bipolar]

By the way, when I used the word "figures" in my post above, I wasn't using it in that sense... I was using it in the sense of "prominent individuals"... Thanks :D !

[pavalamani pragasam]

The title itself needs a correction- why is matrimony important for women AND MEN, it should be! It is important for both sexes to lead a happy, balanced, disciplined, productive life. We have idioms in Tamil for men also- 'kaal kattu pOduthal' & some derogatory terms for men leading an indisciplined life. All dinnings in Tamil culture which superficially criticises a separated married woman has been indirectly for her good & the ultimate good of the society- a warning to all women( and men also) about the unpleasant consequences of separation/inadaptability.

As for the advantages & disadvantages of love marriage & arranged marriage it is arachcha maavai arachchifying & thuvachcha thuNiyai thuvachchifying! :lol: Many threads have seen it waashed threadbare!!!

[P_R]

By the way, when I used the word "figures" in my post above, I wasn't using it in that sense... I was using it in the sense of "prominent individuals"... Thanks :D ! :lol:

Bipolar it is not just Tamil culture. At various levels of subtlety the fear of being unmarried is universal. The anxiety is higher with respect to women than men; and the reason is biological.While the single man is also eyed with 'pity', it manifests quite quickly for women simply becaus their probability of raising a family drops sharply very quickly.Like most things cultural, this is not explicit but what subtly motivates the whole system.

It is widely believed that marriage and children manufactue meaning in an otherwise scarily absurd, empty existence. Despite the progressively uneven bounce on this track, the belief will last for a few more years. The armchair sociologist in me gives it another century if not two :-)

Till then we should atleast be aware of the stench of oppression in terms like "வாழ்க்கை குடுக்குறது"; and slowly withdraw these things from public vocabulary and prevent reinforcement of such mindsets.

[Shekhar]

Why marriage is important for a woman?!!! What a question to ask?!!
It is a complementary pass to free board and lodging with a man servant thrown in the deal!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Hulkster]

Well i think it depends on the character and how they view marriage. Maybe most women do view marriage as important in our society but that is because they are brought up in a confined surrounding with many restrictions to their character and ample focus on their physical sex.

If they are allowed to interpret every issue without having to "follow" ;with freedom then this topic will be rendered irrelevant.

[crazy]

porutham udalilum vendum
purindhavan thunaiyaaga vendum
kanavanin thunai odu thaane kaamanai vendraaga vendum


thread perai paarthadhum indha paattu thaan ngaabagathukku varudhu.
As PP am said matrimony is not only important for women but also men :)

[Bipolar]

What do you mean by "Kaamanai vendraaga vendum"? Are you saying that "Kaaman" is an enemy who has to be defeated?

[Fridge]

[tscii] Bipolar

I think it is all that nice gold one gets at the wedding.

Well why does a women need and then takes a man.

1. Well it starts with the hormones does'nt it? the opposite sex starts looking attractive. and then culture and upbringing plays a large role in what the ultimate goal will be....somewhere in the goal there could be a need for a male.

2. The reproductive system development in the body including Hormones are there to play one major role and that is procreation. So maybe women just wan´na have kids. there we need the man again.

3. Another difference: women are the ones who get to produce a fetus and ensure its growth into a healthy human being. here she can be vulnerable and needs to rely on other people for help, eg needs husband for foot massage and back rubs. Also needs man as protection from physical danger, previously physical danger was in form of wild animals however in the modern world physical danger could be present when women has to exert herself and make her own tea.

4. Nursing a baby, here the women need to make sure she has enough of everything around her and is usually supported by other females from the community or extended families, in the nuclear family situation however most women have a man to take over these duties.

5. I have seen dads who are staying home while the wife works in some of the playgroups that I attend with the kids and they seem to be doing a great Job in a world that is traditionaly seen as womens world, so at this level men and women can both do a great job at raising kids and I guess it works financialy when the person with the smaller paycheck stays home.

Have you ever heard the phrase 'her biological clock is ticking', well yes women have only a certain amount of fertile years in which to have these kids. so yes there is a bit of pressure. But all she needed to do was to find a man.

Due to a high risk for promiscuity and men not knowing whether the offspring was theirs or not they invented marriage so that they would leave their earnings to their rightfull heirs.

So generaly women who want to have children, flirt, play the cat and mouse game, play hard to get and whatever it takes to secure herself a husband so that she can follow natures coarse and fill the earth with children.
To ensure that our species does not become extinct women give up their freedom and even conform to societies rule and marries and settles with one partner for the rest of her life.

Look at the sacrifices that women make and what do men do?
They invent matrimony much to our disadvantage and then ask why it is so important to us.

[Fridge]

Shekhar

''the free boarding pass'' ha ha...and at your house the man servant also has a lifelong contract to the couch as well.

[pavalamani pragasam]

:clap: to fridge! Very well expressed! In a tickling manner too!

[pavalamani pragasam]

What do you mean by "Kaamanai vendraaga vendum"? Are you saying that "Kaaman" is an enemy who has to be defeated?

Not exactly an 'enemy'! But a necessary evil, an 'entity' to be kept under curb!

[ajithfederer]

Only biological reasons :lol:


[tscii] Bipolar

I think it is all that nice gold one gets at the wedding.

Well why does a women need and then takes a man.

1. Well it starts with the hormones does'nt it? the opposite sex starts looking attractive. and then culture and upbringing plays a large role in what the ultimate goal will be....somewhere in the goal there could be a need for a male.

2. The reproductive system development in the body including Hormones are there to play one major role and that is procreation. So maybe women just wan´na have kids. there we need the man again.

3. Another difference: women are the ones who get to produce a fetus and ensure its growth into a healthy human being. here she can be vulnerable and needs to rely on other people for help, eg needs husband for foot massage and back rubs. Also needs man as protection from physical danger, previously physical danger was in form of wild animals however in the modern world physical danger could be present when women has to exert herself and make her own tea.

4. Nursing a baby, here the women need to make sure she has enough of everything around her and is usually supported by other females from the community or extended families, in the nuclear family situation however most women have a man to take over these duties.

5. I have seen dads who are staying home while the wife works in some of the playgroups that I attend with the kids and they seem to be doing a great Job in a world that is traditionaly seen as womens world, so at this level men and women can both do a great job at raising kids and I guess it works financialy when the person with the smaller paycheck stays home.

Have you ever heard the phrase 'her biological clock is ticking', well yes women have only a certain amount of fertile years in which to have these kids. so yes there is a bit of pressure. But all she needed to do was to find a man.

Due to a high risk for promiscuity and men not knowing whether the offspring was theirs or not they invented marriage so that they would leave their earnings to their rightfull heirs.

So generaly women who want to have children, flirt, play the cat and mouse game, play hard to get and whatever it takes to secure herself a husband so that she can follow natures coarse and fill the earth with children.
To ensure that our species does not become extinct women give up their freedom and even conform to societies rule and marries and settles with one partner for the rest of her life.

Look at the sacrifices that women make and what do men do?
They invent matrimony much to our disadvantage and then ask why it is so important to us.

[Querida]

It is nice to know hubbers such as Bipolar and Fridge are present :) Reading through first Bipolar's post touched upon the very same doubts I have had, and reading Fridge's response has been uncannily the same opinions that my girlfriends and I have come to agree upon.

I doubt (and seriously hope!) that women of this generation will see such figures as Sathi-Savithri as even reasonable figures to live up to. Though even knowing that we are educated, and able to support ourselves...there is still that desire to have a husband, to have that wedding, to have a married life in which wanting divorce is not even a concern...the only thing that may hinder this all is of course the doubt of who we're ending up with.

:P if you eavesdrop on a variety of groups of ladies who are in discussion...you will undoubtedly hear the most horrible examples of relationships gone to ruin and marriages wrecked...almost always it will involve him cheating, walking out, abusing, being uncaring, etc. (or in the case of arranged marriage: still in contact with his girlfriend, has slept around, really has done it all to shut mummy up, is a boozer, drug addict etc.)

I understand your point of everyone needing a say in arranged marriages when it comes to joint families...but nowadays the bride and groom have considerable more say than they had before...

Well look at it this way...from an educated, employed woman who can support herself...if a woman wants a child, she can adopt, she can support herself and buy her own house, car etc. and she does most of the housework all by herself anyways...but what safety or happiness is there in numerous, temporarily, fufilling relationships that one will seek in need of companionship? Or a relationship in which two people live on their own but continue to do things together...the goal of this relationship to be deemed successful is still marriage. What I have come to understand is that a women may not need a man (especially cause she need not depend on him fully) but she wants one. And marriage is the safest way to go about it.

[chevy]

The title itself needs a correction- why is matrimony important for women AND MEN, it should be! I think he's mentioning about why is it that for women they say "ponnu ku vazhkai kudukrathu" . I d like to see someone say "antha payyan ku vazhkai kudunga!"

Well, people are just used to saying it I suppose. No point arguing. Girls today get opportunities for career and vocation so big deal about phrases formed yesteryears. I do empathize with those girls who are compelled to marry against their wishes to pursue further studies or work or plain, just feel ready for a responsibility like marriage.

There are some who are denied further education and married off because they are too few prospective guys in their subcaste who have pursued masters. Ugh.

[chevy]

Why marriage is important for a woman?!!! What a question to ask?!!
It is a complementary pass to free board and lodging with a man servant thrown in the deal!! :lol: :lol: :lol: Wow, how beautifully explained!! Did that come out of experience?

[chevy]

[tscii]
COOL shud have read this before CBSE 10TH Board exams. I would have scored better in the Biology paper. Lol :S

Anyway .. u r right about your points.. Early marriage may be good health wise, but today's gen wants to have a life and then commitments and responsibilities and that is not a negotiable point.

[Lambretta]

Early marriage may be good health wise, but today's gen wants to have a life and then commitments and responsibilities and that is not a negotiable point.
Being single is having a life?! :sigh2: :roll: :|

[chevy]

Early marriage may be good health wise, but today's gen wants to have a life and then commitments and responsibilities and that is not a negotiable point.
Being single is having a life?! :sigh2: :roll: :| as in first enjoy have fun and then get into responsibilities... I am sure we can postpone the fun of kitchen , work and family commitments to a future period.

[Lambretta]

as in first enjoy have fun and then get into responsibilities... I am sure we can postpone the fun of kitchen , work and family commitments to a future period.
fun of kitchen?? OK u'd hav this "fun" even if ur single for sure- I can say from my experience! :mrgreen: :P :roll:

[chevy]

any fun is funner in the carefree life of a single..Period. Not negotiable.