MARRIAGE ...Aspects & PROBLEMS.!

[Sudhaama]

.
Dear Friends,

POLL - OPTIONS Description :--

(1) LOVE MARRIAGE ignoring the Parents :-- Choice and Decision by the Lovers independantly... irrespective of both sides Parrents' Wishes - Even if unconsented by the Parents, IGNORING their advice and Objections... getting Married by Lovers' exclusive decision only.

(2) LOVE MARRIAGE with the consent of Parents :-- After taking initial decision independantly by the lovers, getting the Consent of both sides Parents by any means of Persuasion, and then getting Married.

(3) ARRANGED MARRIAGE by the Loving Parents :-- This does not mean the Age-old method of joint-decision by both sides Parents only.. at the tender age of the Couple before adolescence... and getting them Married by means of exclusive decision by the Parents.

But the Spadework is performed by the Loving Parrents. Various options of the proposals are searched for by them.. who function as the Secretaries for the couple, and on the youngsters behalf... selection is made by the Couple on the recommendation and advice of the Parents...

Finally decided jointly by the Parents and the Couple.

Here the persuasion is from the Parents to their Son/ Daughter... whose concurrence is the most important...

...although unanimously decided by the Parents and the Couple.

In our present days.. which is the Best?...Arranged or Love Marriage?... Why?

By Your experience...SEEN AND HEARD... how many Love-Marriages are Successful.. and

....How many NOT?...Why.?... What were the PRACTICAL problems.. comparatively?

How many Arranged Marriages had failed... or had lot more problems.?.. What sort of problems?

What is Your Advice to the present day Youngsters on the matter?

Shall we discuss?
.

[Wibha]

:clap: nice thread :D

[Shakthiprabha.]

The whole concept of ARRANGED MARRIAGE is weird.

Yes it works for most because of coercion and pressure.

It works out for some cause they are lucky.

Love marriages also dont work out at times. Even otherwise, its always better to try KNOWN devils than UNKNOWN ones.

I aint saying, ELOPE with the person you want, WITHOUT PARENT'S CONSENT. that is a GRAVE MISTAKE. IRREPAIRABLE.

Get the consent of ur parents, (which is no.one) then get married.
IF they dont, try and convince, IF THEY STILL DONT AGREE.....

CHOOSE another (OF UR OWN WILL, NOT PARENT'S ARRANGED ALLAINCE) which ur parents approve of.

[Wibha]

arranged marriages and love marriages have their own pros and cons... but loving and eloping for the other person is foolishness.....the marriages which always work are arranged marriages......it's chosen by parents who can never think bad for their children..........and so whomever they choose will actually be fit for the person....... ARRANGED MARRIAGES are always the best......

or like SP akka says choose someone whom u like and parents will agree

arranged marriages can never get oudated.no matter what

[littlemaster1982]

:notthatway: Good intentions don't guarantee good results always.

How you will decide about a person whether he/she is suitable for you over a cup of coffee?.

How many parents ask their children about their preferences when they look for a match?

I feel it silly rather than wierd.

[Wibha]

if the person parents choose is wrong there's always a solution and moral support.......u fall in love and know it's a wrong person......is there a bigger heartbreak than this? and nowadays parents do ask if the person likes the match..it makes sense

[Shakthiprabha.]

Parents if they really love their children,

SHOULD support whatever happens due to any marriage (love or arranged)

JUST BECAUSE U DONT LISTEN to them, and get into love marriage, THEY WOULD WASH HANDS OFF YOU?? (assume the extreme case of marrying without consent)

if any parent, FIND THIS OPPORTUNITY TO PICK upon their kids, and wound them for wrong choice, IN MY OPINION, they have MORE EGO, than love for their own children.

[littlemaster1982]

There's always a solution?!!! :roll: Only you will get loads of advice with the conclusion "Kalyanaathula ithellaam sagajam. neethan adjust pannikkanum".

Falling in love and later knowing your selection is wrong? That means you have not understood your partner properly. That's all I can say :)

I don't know how I can like or dislike a person without knowing even a little bit.

[MuratuKaalai]

These days Marriages should be made with the following pre-requisites:

1. HIV negative certification

2. No midnight partying habits

3. No 2/3/4th husband or wife [ illegal affairs]


have an option as "Physically and Morally Healthy Marriage With Consent of Everyone!"

That would be apt in today's scenario
Udamba Paathukonga Makkale
Kaalam ketu pochu ... mulichiko usaara irundhuko

[Wibha]

These days Marriages should be made with the following pre-requisites:

1. HIV negative certification

2. No midnight partying habits

3. No 2/3/4th husband or wife [ illegal affairs]


have an option as "Physically and Morally Healthy Marriage With Consent of Everyone!"

That would be apt in today's scenario
Udamba Paathukonga Makkale
Kaalam ketu pochu ... mulichiko usaara irundhuko

:lol: :D :yes:

[sivank]

The whole concept of ARRANGED MARRIAGE is weird.

Yes it works for most because of coercion and pressure.

It works out for some cause they are lucky.

Love marriages also dont work out at times. Even otherwise, its always better to try KNOWN devils than UNKNOWN ones.

I aint saying, ELOPE with the person you want, WITHOUT PARENT'S CONSENT. that is a GRAVE MISTAKE. IRREPAIRABLE.

Get the consent of ur parents, (which is no.one) then get married.
IF they dont, try and convince, IF THEY STILL DONT AGREE.....

CHOOSE another (OF UR OWN WILL, NOT PARENT'S ARRANGED ALLAINCE) which ur parents approve of.


:notthatway: If you love somebody deeply you have to stand for them. Sometime parents do it for the sake of their own prestige: I call it as selfish.

[Wibha]

Parents if they really love their children,

SHOULD support whatever happens due to any marriage (love or arranged)

JUST BECAUSE U DONT LISTEN to them, and get into love marriage, THEY WOULD WASH HANDS OFF YOU?? (assume the extreme case of marrying without consent)

if any parent, FIND THIS OPPORTUNITY TO PICK upon their kids, and wound them for wrong choice, IN MY OPINION, they have MORE EGO, than love for their own children.

should only parents support us forever no matter what we do.....we get pissed off if someone does something we dont like.why cant we expect the same.......why can't we support them.they sacrifice their whole life for us.what do we give in return to them.......atleast we can marry someone they want us to and then make our lives happy and also see their happiness.....even when you love you love a stranger.you don't love someone you know........... you love and then marry......instead in arranged marriages you can marry and then fall in love..........

[thamizhvaanan]

Why everyone is cursing arranged marriages... there are certain ppl like me who count on arranged marriages to get a decent wife :cry2:

If I do go out, looking for a female... the process of natural selection rears its ugly head and spoils everything :banghead: :curse:

[crazy]

never ending argument :roll:

I am ok with all the three options :oops: but i feel, love marriage with the consent of parents is the best :P

I wonder how Valluvan got married Vasugi, was that love or arranged marriage :swinghead:

[Shakthiprabha.]

should only parents support us forever no matter what we do.....



I aint saying, THEY NEED TO SUPPORT BLINDLY AND SHAKE THEIR HEADS for every decision of ours. They HAVE A SAY.
Even, If they dont like it, for any silly reasons like EGO OR PRESTIGE, THEY ARE OBLIGED AND SHOULD BEND for us out of LOVE.


we get pissed off if someone does something we dont like.why cant we expect the same

Yes, as a young girl, you are bound to get pissed off faster and carry it for longer time. AS PEOPLE who are MORE MATURED, they should learn to FORGIVE and LEARN TO look from their chilndren's point of view too.


.......why can't we support them.they sacrifice their whole life for us.what do we give in return to them.......

what do u think you should give?

the decision for them to CHOOSE whom u marry ALL BY THEMSELVES?

DO U give up UR CAREER OR STUDYING OPTION for their sake?
Say u are good in science, ur prents wants u to become a chartered accountant, DO U GIVE UP UR NATURAL INTEREST AND GO IN FOR ACCOUNTANCY?

If such is THE freedom GIVEN for trivial (relatively) m atters like UR CAREER, how much of importance should be given to UR LIFE?

SHOULD IT NOT BE A joint decision?
A DECISION WHERE U CHOOSE whom u marry, and THEY APPROVE OF IT, IF FOUND RIGHT.


atleast we can marry someone they want us to

WHO is gonna live together? Are parents gonna live with their children's spouse? or

are YOU gonna tackle day to day problems wiht ur spouse?
Its GONNA BE A LIFE LONG DECISION, most of us dont call off marriage for small reasons, SO A LIFE LONG COMMITMENT!! where UR LIFE and UR CHOICE IS 900% ESSENTIAL



and then make our lives happy and also see their happiness.....

Its our duty to keep them happy, see that they are NOT OFFENDED by our choice.

but....

happiness in MARRIAGE SHOULD NOT BE WORKED OUT.

it should BLOOM NATURALLY!


even when you love you love a stranger.you don't love someone you know...........

When u fall in love, YOU DONT SEE, HOW MUCH THEY EARN, WHICH CASTE they belong to, HOW IS THEIR FAMILY etc?

YOU fall in love for other reasons (lets leave love which happens primarily for looks)


you love and then marry......instead in arranged marriages you can marry and then fall in love......

oh dont count on it!!

There are marriages, (lots of them I should say) atleast in older generation, where THEY STAYED TOGETHER, because of society.

ELEMENT OF LOVE? where is it?

[Shakthiprabha.]

The whole concept of ARRANGED MARRIAGE is weird.

Yes it works for most because of coercion and pressure.

It works out for some cause they are lucky.

Love marriages also dont work out at times. Even otherwise, its always better to try KNOWN devils than UNKNOWN ones.

I aint saying, ELOPE with the person you want, WITHOUT PARENT'S CONSENT. that is a GRAVE MISTAKE. IRREPAIRABLE.

Get the consent of ur parents, (which is no.one) then get married.
IF they dont, try and convince, IF THEY STILL DONT AGREE.....

CHOOSE another (OF UR OWN WILL, NOT PARENT'S ARRANGED ALLAINCE) which ur parents approve of.


:notthatway: If you love somebody deeply you have to stand for them. Sometime parents do it for the sake of their own prestige: I call it as selfish.

Well 99 percent WE do stand for them.
Yes, some parents do it for prestige and are selfish for society's cause. If parents REFUSE to go in,

sivan, my view is, BEND FOR UR FAMILY.

Every love NEED NOT END in marriage. Every love which does not end in marriage IS NOT A FAILURE.
It has been given up for LOFTIER PURPOSES.

If u are not able to forget ur love, REMAIN un married.

I DO NOT EVER WANT SUBSCRIBE TO MARRIAGE WITHOUT APPROVAL OF PARENTS.

They raised us, THEY LOVE US, THEY CARE FOR US.
THERE CAN NEVER BE a peaceful life, without their HAPPINESS AND BLESSINGS.

[crazy]

If u are not able to forget ur love, REMAIN un married.

:exactly: :cry2: :cry2: :cry2:

[Shakthiprabha.]

and yes..

THE MOST SADDEST and WRONG thing one can do is...

GIVING UP LIFE OR committing suicide FOR LOVE! .. AND claiming... ITS DIVINE love!! :roll:

DIVINITY never say COMMIT SUICIDE. :hammer:

I CONDEMN all such movies, which PUT IN SUCH ideas THRO THEIR super duper hits :rant: :curse:

[sivank]

Hi SP,

Great writing :clap: :clap:

[Shakthiprabha.]

:oops: thx. Just was jut a normal post, dont elevate it to WRITING :)

[MADDY]

the whole system of Indian marriages is flawed :hammer:

Arranged Marriages:

Girl/ her family are looking for a boy with Good job,decent background/family, onsite/offshore - :hammer: ..........so, the girl invariably tells a "yes" if the guy is in a good position - :hammer: - in my case - all the position,salary that i have achieved now is all bcos of my dad......any person studying in decent school, decent environment,good college with millions of coaching classes - will obviously reach where i have - nuthing great........but there are somethings exclusive to me - which the girl shuld ideally like and tell a yes......adhellam enga - :hammer: .......i dont want a girl to marry me bcos i work in a MNC :evil: ...........imagine a Maniratnam/ARR bashing girl, as my wife, who married me for just my company - my life will be crippled :rotfl: .........arranged marriages are way too kiddish even now.....the process of selection shuld mature......

Love Marriages:

Ideal for me - but girls seem to have a hatred for good guys with very strong ideologies :cry: - nowadays girls/guys want a good popcorn than a healthy meal.........when they apply the same logic to marriage partners, it goes horribly wrong..... :rotfl: ..........atleast, yes, love marriages is not all about money.career like arranged marriages - again, the decision making power of girls/guys have to mature.......also, the ugly caste/religion equations lying beneath :shaking: ........its way too complex to decipher :banghead: ....but yea, u cant adjust with mutually opposite cultures..........imagine, u praying sun and ur wife praying moon :oops: ......

ultimately, its people who have to mature and stabilise the process of marriages in India - :D .....so i'm waiting :noteeth: ....

[Lambretta]

Yet another thread tat has drawn me towards the hub....:P :D

the marriages which always work are arranged marriages......it's chosen by parents who can never think bad for their children........and so whomever they choose will actually be fit for the person....... ARRANGED MARRIAGES are always the best.....
:shock: Is this for REAL?? I mean, a present-gen. teenage girl actually saying this??!! 'hope I'm not imagining things! :P :lol:
OK ok :oops:, jokes apart, well, to be honest, I for one am not exactly against love marriages, atleast not for theones WITH parental consent......I've known a few ppl. who've done tat....but again tat is poss' I guess only for individuals both within a particular community/religion.....if it goes outside tat it turns out to be rtaher complicated.....giving rise to issues like religious conversions etc.....this IMO is a misuse of religion, as a ticket to a preferred marriage! :x
I usedto be all for arranged marriages only, feeling the same way bout thm.....until recently when I began having 2nd thots bout them......altho I shudnt say this, IMO arranged marriages in general nowadays hav lost their original purpose of parents looking for well-being of their children....today they have mostly grown commercialised/highly materialistic, w/ the intentions of the parents entirely different, intending more to attain, as sivan said, a certain 'prestige' status in society (viz. having an NRI/SW/IT Prof. s-i-l) thru the arrangement & using their children as a bait, rather than jus following a cultural norm for a good cause..... :x


or like SP akka says choose someone whom u like and parents will agree
Still not tat easy, unhappily not even if its sumone from the same community, as parents (esp. of the girl) r likely to bring up the issue of educational background, job, career, 'status' :roll: & things like tat & put the choice to an end!


arranged marriages can never get oudated.no matter what
Maybe not.........but even then they're likely to continue jus as a mere social custom/formality more than nething else....... :(

[Lambretta]

These days Marriages should be made with the following pre-requisites:

1. HIV negative certification

2. No midnight partying habits

3. No 2/3/4th husband or wife [ illegal affairs]


have an option as "Physically and Morally Healthy Marriage With Consent of Everyone!"

That would be apt in today's scenario
:exactly:

:thumbsup: :D

[Lambretta]

the whole system of Indian marriages is flawed :hammer:

Arranged Marriages:

Girl/ her family are looking for a boy with Good job,decent background/family, onsite/offshore - :hammer: ..........so, the girl invariably tells a "yes" if the guy is in a good position - :hammer:
but there are somethings exclusive to me - which the girl shuld ideally like and tell a yes......adhellam enga - :hammer: .......i dont want a girl to marry me bcos i work in a MNC :evil: ...........imagine a Maniratnam/ARR bashing girl, as my wife, who married me for just my company - my life will be crippled :rotfl: .........arranged marriages are way too kiddish even now.....the process of selection shuld mature......
:exactly: :clap:
I know how u feel....imagine a Saree/trad. garb bashing girl as my wife who married me for a similar reason..... :x :oops:


Love Marriages:

Ideal for me - but girls seem to have a hatred for good guys with very strong ideologies :cry: - nowadays girls/guys want a good popcorn than a healthy meal.........when they apply the same logic to marriage partners, it goes horribly wrong..... :rotfl: ..........atleast, yes, love marriages is not all about money.career like arranged marriages - again, the decision making power of girls/guys have to mature.......also, the ugly caste/religion equations lying beneath :shaking: ........its way too complex to decipher :banghead: ....but yea, u cant adjust with mutually opposite cultures..........imagine, u praying sun and ur wife praying moon :oops: ......
ultimately, its people who have to mature and stabilise the process of marriages in India - :D
Agreed again! :( :|
:)

[tvsankar]

Dear Sp and Maddy,

NIce analysis about marriages.

But one thing - ippadi niraiya think panravangaluku Love panradhu kashtam or Love varadhu. :D

Bala kumaranin oru kadhaiyil love patri avarudaiya varthaigal -

podhum enra manadhu udaiyavargalai kadhal patruvadhu illai.

saathika vendum, idhu podadhu , innum vendum enra manadhu udaiyavargaluku kadhal patrukiradhu .... unmaiyaga irukumo?

[Hulkster]

Bala kumaranin oru kadhaiyil love patri avarudaiya varthaigal -

podhum enra manadhu udaiyavargalai kadhal patruvadhu illai.

saathika vendum, idhu podadhu , innum vendum enra manadhu udaiyavargaluku kadhal patrukiradhu .... unmaiyaga irukumo?

Manithargalin manasu niranthiramaaga irunthaal ithu unmaiyaagum..anaal manithanin manasu ovvuru nimidathil varum sambavathin nigalvugalei porathirukkiruthu....antha sambavam avarakku kathal patriyum puriya veikkulaam..solla mudiyaathu

As long as your a human being your mindset will always be affected by things that happen around you and you may never know when your mindset will change if you come across any hardhitting situation....and trying to ignore the opposite sex is impossible..our body is built in a way to be attracted to the opposite sex...even if we do ignore our feelings somehow we have the urge to look at a girl/boy

Manithargal ninaipethu ondru...kadavul seivethu verondu :D

[Shakthiprabha.]

Dear Sp and Maddy,

NIce analysis about marriages.

But one thing - ippadi niraiya think panravangaluku Love panradhu kashtam or Love varadhu. :D

Bala kumaranin oru kadhaiyil love patri avarudaiya varthaigal -



I disagree :wink: :P (OR... MAY BE THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS :P )

yup... we try to get more logical... and practical in any issues or most issues.

love is a cute thing, which is BEYOND ALL LOGIC :P

yES, May be we dont carry our heart up the sleeves, to let it escape, every now and then :lol:,

but we do have our heart deep down and secured, WHICH DESPITE OF EFFORTS, sneaks out at t imes :D

[Roshan]

Bala kumaranin oru kadhaiyil love patri avarudaiya varthaigal -

podhum enra manadhu udaiyavargalai kadhal patruvadhu illai.

saathika vendum, idhu podadhu , innum vendum enra manadhu udaiyavargaluku kadhal patrukiradhu .... unmaiyaga irukumo?

I think it's more or less correct !!


This is anyway a never ending topic like KH Vs RK or Ajith Vs Vijay or IR Vs ARR So let me remain a silent observer hence forth :)

[Shakthiprabha.]

podhum enra manadhu udaiyavargalai kadhal patruvadhu illai.

saathika vendum, idhu podadhu , innum vendum enra manadhu udaiyavargaluku kadhal patrukiradhu .... unmaiyaga irukumo?

In my opinion, This is true to a GREAT extent :)

[VENKIRAJA]

Dear Sp and Maddy,
Bala kumaranin oru kadhaiyil love patri avarudaiya varthaigal -
podhum enra manadhu udaiyavargalai kadhal patruvadhu illai. saathika vendum, idhu podadhu , innum vendum enra manadhu udaiyavargaluku kadhal patrukiradhu .... unmaiyaga irukumo?

naan innum innum vendum enru ninaikirene..... :P
jus kidding.i feel love marriages with consent would be okay otherwise loving the girl whom parents give consent(befor marriage).hmmmmmm lets see what god decides would be best for me!

[Wibha]

should only parents support us forever no matter what we do.....


I aint saying, THEY NEED TO SUPPORT BLINDLY AND SHAKE THEIR HEADS for every decision of ours. They HAVE A SAY.
Even, If they dont like it, for any silly reasons like EGO OR PRESTIGE, THEY ARE OBLIGED AND SHOULD BEND for us out of LOVE.

isn't prestige important in life :huh: they struggle all their lives to build a status and everything in society and we just break it in seconds for some person we know for just 2 or 3 years and tell that they are our soul mates....we don't want our ego to be let down but is it alright if we put down the ego of the people who have given birth to us....looked after us and did everything for us



we get pissed off if someone does something we dont like.why cant we expect the same

Yes, as a young girl, you are bound to get pissed off faster and carry it for longer time. AS PEOPLE who are MORE MATURED, they should learn to FORGIVE and LEARN TO look from their chilndren's point of view too.

y can't we as children think from our parent's point of view.is it something wrong.even they are humans and have dreams for their children.we can tell them what kind of a better half we want and they can find the best for us........



.......why can't we support them.they sacrifice their whole life for us.what do we give in return to them.......

what do u think you should give?

the decision for them to CHOOSE whom u marry ALL BY THEMSELVES?



DO U give up UR CAREER OR STUDYING OPTION for their sake?
Say u are good in science, ur prents wants u to become a chartered accountant, DO U GIVE UP UR NATURAL INTEREST AND GO IN FOR ACCOUNTANCY?


If such is THE freedom GIVEN for trivial (relatively) m atters like UR CAREER, how much of importance should be given to UR LIFE?

SHOULD IT NOT BE A joint decision?
A DECISION WHERE U CHOOSE whom u marry, and THEY APPROVE OF IT, IF FOUND RIGHT.


when they choose everything for us from the smallest pencil to a car,shoe,sandals,make-up,cell-phones,dress everything and they tell us what is good and bad when it comes to marriage why can't we have the same trust in them.when they choose the smallest things so carefully do you think they will put our lives for a toss when it comes to marriage?

[Sudhaama]

.
. Most of the FAILURES are LOVE-MARRIAGES.!..Why?

Yes... the Present-days' Statistics... COMPARATIVELY states so. !!

Especially in India Now-a-days.!!... Why?

Can anybody quote their Practical experience / Observation seen and heard...

... in support of their stand.?... Pro or Anti.?..

... Instead of VAGUE COMMENTS... and...

... just LOOSE TALK.!!.
.

[Wibha]

Yet another thread tat has drawn me towards the hub....:P :D

the marriages which always work are arranged marriages......it's chosen by parents who can never think bad for their children........and so whomever they choose will actually be fit for the person....... ARRANGED MARRIAGES are always the best.....
:shock: Is this for REAL?? I mean, a present-gen. teenage girl actually saying this??!! 'hope I'm not imagining things! :P :lol:
OK ok :oops:, jokes apart, well, to be honest, I for one am not exactly against love marriages, atleast not for theones WITH parental consent......I've known a few ppl. who've done tat....but again tat is poss' I guess only for individuals both within a particular community/religion.....if it goes outside tat it turns out to be rtaher complicated.....giving rise to issues like religious conversions etc.....this IMO is a misuse of religion, as a ticket to a preferred marriage! :x
I usedto be all for arranged marriages only, feeling the same way bout thm.....until recently when I began having 2nd thots bout them......altho I shudnt say this, IMO arranged marriages in general nowadays hav lost their original purpose of parents looking for well-being of their children....today they have mostly grown commercialised/highly materialistic, w/ the intentions of the parents entirely different, intending more to attain, as sivan said, a certain 'prestige' status in society (viz. having an NRI/SW/IT Prof. s-i-l) thru the arrangement & using their children as a bait, rather than jus following a cultural norm for a good cause..... :x


or like SP akka says choose someone whom u like and parents will agree
Still not tat easy, unhappily not even if its sumone from the same community, as parents (esp. of the girl) r likely to bring up the issue of educational background, job, career, 'status' :roll: & things like tat & put the choice to an end!


arranged marriages can never get oudated.no matter what
Maybe not.........but even then they're likely to continue jus as a mere social custom/formality more than nething else....... :(

:lol: :lol: lamby it's me don't be surprised.personally i think there's nothing like love, etc etc......... it's all BS :banghead: and the true fact is that i'm completely against marriage be it love or arranged..........but then arranged marriages make more sense........and i've seen many idiotic love marriages landing up nowhere in life :banghead:

i dont' mean to hurt anybody but it's just what i feel........love panni enatha saadhikka poroam.........atleast by marrying s'one we are told to we give happiness to many people.and life's all about sharing happiness............

[Lambretta]

Arshu,
Love is much more than wat is shown in the movies/songs.....:)
'not saying tat it cant happen in arranged marriages.......ther r 'n' no. of cases where it did infact......but in today's commercialised & materialistically aimed society where an arranged marriage is just a means of achieving sum social 'status' :roll:, u cant always be too sure....
I'm reminded of this couple, family friends of ours here, who had their daughter marry an NRI guy even though she herself wasnt keen on moving out of India......they obv. forced her to accept the match! :x
And the father once told my folks bout how settling abroad is simply not worth it & we'd be treated like 2nd class citizens wherever we go etc. etc......:roll:
I might be digressing here but since then I've partly lost the regard I had for our society's 'elders' after noticing this kinda blatant hypocrisy on their part! :x
Neways, am too sleepy to say more for now..........will revert tomorrow......:wave: :fatigue:

[Wibha]

atleast we can marry someone they want us to

WHO is gonna live together? Are parents gonna live with their children's spouse? or

[are YOU gonna tackle day to day problems wiht ur spouse?
Its GONNA BE A LIFE LONG DECISION, most of us dont call off marriage for small reasons, SO A LIFE LONG COMMITMENT!! where UR LIFE and UR CHOICE IS 900% ESSENTIAL
of course it's us............but do u think they will blindly just give us in someone's hands..plus nowadays after the engagement the guy and girl are given the opportunity to go out and know each other.is that not enough?
how sure are you that after the love marrige you are gonna be with him/her forever? how sure are you that the person will never cheat on you?



and then make our lives happy and also see their happiness.....

Its our duty to keep them happy, see that they are NOT OFFENDED by our choice.

but....

happiness in MARRIAGE SHOULD NOT BE WORKED OUT.

it should BLOOM NATURALLY!

.............once you are married you will automatically get the feel for your husband or wife.it just happens.........you are not forced to do it.........but still you will love them.....that's love



even when you love you love a stranger.you don't love someone you know...........

When u fall in love, YOU DONT SEE, HOW MUCH THEY EARN, WHICH CASTE they belong to, HOW IS THEIR FAMILY etc?

YOU fall in love for other reasons (lets leave love which happens primarily for looks)

:lol: caste ok.but money or earnings :huh: :rotfl:



you love and then marry......instead in arranged marriages you can marry and then fall in love......

oh dont count on it!!

There are marriages, (lots of them I should say) atleast in older generation, where THEY STAYED TOGETHER, because of society.

ELEMENT OF LOVE? where is it?
..............love can't be expressed..........one can tell oh i'm with him/her only cuz i'm married...but the truth is there is the love for their better half somewhere deep inside their hearts which they are not ready to agree.................and nowadays i doubt if anyone care about society.....

[Wibha]

and yes..

THE MOST SADDEST and WRONG thing one can do is...

GIVING UP LIFE OR committing suicide FOR LOVE! .. AND claiming... ITS DIVINE love!! :roll:

DIVINITY never say COMMIT SUICIDE. :hammer:

I CONDEMN all such movies, which PUT IN SUCH ideas THRO THEIR super duper hits :rant: :curse:

:exactly: :banghead:

evano oruthan/orthikaaga.............. life-a end pannindu :banghead: stupidity, foolishness :banghead:

[Wibha]

If u are not able to forget ur love, REMAIN un married.



:exactly:

best thing to do is..........do not fall in love and never marry.lead a happy life on your own...... do what you want,live with independence,freedom...this way there's no torture to society and to you.you do not have to bother about anyone and everyone can be happy with their lives.......

[Sudhaama]

.
.Arranged Marriage.. Need not be by Parents..

... but also by Independant Self too.!!

I know one case of a Young Man... who had misunderstanding with his Parents... due to some hitch on properties...

..and got separated from them before Marriage.

But he is a nice Gentleman of principles.

So even after separation, he took care of his parents through others.

He arranged for his Marriage INDEPENDANTLY...

... in consultation with several Well-wisher Elders and Friends... who were already Married.
Advertised calling for proposals... handled the whole matter, as any Parent may do...

..Finally selected a Stranger-Girl after repeated interviews of several Brides...

Got married and is QUITE HAPPY and SUCCESSFUL Now at USA.!!!

..No LOVE-AFFAIR prior to Marriage.!
.

[kannannn]

..No LOVE-AFFAIR prior to Marriage.!
.
Adhu enna 'affair'? As in 'having an affair'?

[Rocky_]

they struggle all their lives to build a status and everything in society and we just break it in seconds for some person we know for just 2 or 3 years and tell that they are our soul mates....

Most Parents choose to ruin their Status when they disagree and force the kids to move away. If they just agreed to the marriage for the sake of their kid's happiness, then what harm comes to their Social Status? :huh:

Afterall, it is the kids that are gonna live their life right? Not them...they'll get the kids married and their done, it's the kids who have to live their entire life. The parents have to think abt what is more important...Their EGO, or the happiness of their children.

But the kids also have a decision to make. Do they really want to start their marriage life without the asirvadham and blessings of their parents?? Is such a life worth living?

These values differ from person to person. For me, I'd never be able to live a content life knowing that I hurt my parents so much. If I was in that situation, I'd try to get them to say yes to the marriage, or I'd never get married at all...to anyone, and I'd say that they shouldn't ever ask me to get married to anyone either.

But like I said, these values differ from person to person, that's why as crazy said, this is a neverending debate. :P

[Wibha]

But the kids also have a decision to make. Do they really want to start their marriage life without the asirvadham and blessings of their parents?? Is such a life worth living?



:exactly:

[Querida]

Can I please ask Sudhaama to be the first in addressing love marriages as "Independent Marriages"....I believe any good relationship should have love, whether they are arranged by family or the two people in question.

IMO both procedures (shall we say) take TRUST and I have seen in BOTH that trust is not something that comes automatically with the longevity of relationship....which is a shame...you would think that both parties of both procedures would want the best for both people....but no....actually such trepasses in trust whether it is hidden truths in arranged marriages or independent marriages have been the ruin of so many couples.

[pavalamani pragasam]

Wibha! :clap: :2thumbsup:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Rocky,

u talk precisely whats in my mind too.

Wibha,

I DISAGREE with u to a great extent. Anyway its ofcourse personal choice.

Ofcourse parents can choose pencil, pen, rubber etc.

I think LIFE PARTNER CANNOT be equated to pencil, pen and shoes :roll:

TRUST in them is needed, SO MUCH AS FOR APPROVAL, NOT FOR INTIAL CHOOSING.

I mean, SOMEONE whom u are gonna spend life, spend MOST intimate moments, AND WE DECIDE WHO IT IS, with the help of A GANGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!! :lol:

We do not LET our parents choose even FRIENDS, (ofcourse they have a say on keeping or leaving friends when the friends are not the right ones for our healthy upbringing).......

and we LET THEM DISCUSS as A GANGGGGGGGG! (beats meeee :banghead: ) as to WHO WE AM GONNA HAVE CONJUGAL relationship.

Weird...
you say yes AFTER EATING SOJJI BAJJI and FORMLALLY SEE THE GIRL with a GANG (THIS WORDS PISSES ME OFF SORRY)

Discuss WITH A GANG, how much monetarily are they compatible and all other stuffs.

then... WHEN U CONSULT UR ASTROLOGER, PARENTS, CHITTAPA, CHITTI, AUNT, NEIGHBOUR, UR PET AT HOME... FINALLY... give a consent.

aallllllllllllllll of a sudden, the wholeeeeeeeeeeeee COMMUNITY and family and friends, START TEASING U.......

EXPECT U TO FEEL SHY, feel different with a person, WHO WAS A STRANGER till yesterday!!!

lo!! get married after 3 months (with probably 3 to 5 phone calls, and may be 2 to 3 times get to meet in person )

and then U ARE SUPPOSED TO BE all blushing and red and pink and grinning ... on some night, with flowers and milk and A STRANGER whom u hardly know
:banghead:

I stop my post in this thread, as I seem to get extremely emotional despite my effort.

I shall be back, when I am sane enough to post with neutral feelings :lol:

:wave:

[Shakthiprabha.]

I should say, ARRANGED marriages have however evolved more sensibly these days.

thanks to the mentality change ! :roll:

[Rocky_]

Weird...
you say yes AFTER EATING SOJJI BAJJI and FORMLALLY SEE THE GIRL with a GANG (THIS WORDS PISSES ME OFF SORRY)

Discuss WITH A GANG, how much monetarily are they compatible and all other stuffs.

then... WHEN U CONSULT UR ASTROLOGER, PARENTS, CHITTAPA, CHITTI, AUNT, NEIGHBOUR, UR PET AT HOME... FINALLY... give a consent.

aallllllllllllllll of a sudden, the wholeeeeeeeeeeeee COMMUNITY and family and friends, START TEASING U.......

EXPECT U TO FEEL SHY, different with a person, WHO WAS A STRANGER till yesterday!!!

lo!! get married after 3 months (with probably 3 to 5 phone calls, and may be 2 to 3 times get to meet in person )

and then U ARE SUPPOSED TO BE all blushing and red and pink and grinning ... on some night, with flowers and milk and A STRANGER whom u hardly know


That is a VERY Awkward and Depressing Senerio! :lol2: :oops: Ppl are BRED like Herds of Cattle! :lol: :banghead:

[Rocky_]

I have a question....after all this awkward and absurd behavior...does the mother of the daughter (as in tamil movies) rally come up to the dauther the next day and ask "Were u Happy?" :mrgreen:

It's almost like she is mocking @ her misery. :P

[pavalamani pragasam]

:notthatway: I cannot but :cry3: :cry3: :cry3: :sigh2: :sigh2: :sigh2:

[Shakthiprabha.]

pp maam,

:|

:(

anyway, rocky,

yup many moms do ask the question.
From their position, the tension and worry they undergo is quite understandable.

Not everybody think like some of us, to feel, INGREDIENT love is important initially, to get into ANY KIND of relationship, or even THINK of getting into relationship.

Being on the pracitical side, MOST PPL, get on with life and have or find NO BIG diference between falling in love and getting into a relationship or getting into relationship and later, slowly falling in love .
:)

[Hulkster]

Let me put down my views...despite having relationships with father and mother..ultimately when it comes to marriage decision and life rests with two people which is the husband and wife.

Of course the father and mother also need to be notified but one must remember that they are human beings just like the rest of us...the role of the father and mother is to ensure the child that they bring up is able to stand on its own
feet...not restrict it to the opinions of the father and mother.


Marriage itself can only succeed..once again i repeat love and understanding...if you can atleast understand and like each other...even if you have not really fallen in love with the person your still bound to click..the problem with love marriages is that they just restrict themselves to love but without understanding each other truly...its just plain romantic emotions without understanding what both partners need....at the same time other factors like male/female domination and suspicions will arise if you dunt have proper understanding. BOTH love and understanding is a must in any marriage.

You may notice why arranged marriages are successful for a sole simple reason. The fact that both parties are strangers and their non-exposure to love before plays in inducing their interest in each other. They gradually let the marriage become a sort of platform to understand each other and develop into a happily married life. There are other "successful" arranged marriages but these are usually forced due to parents' wishes and the sake of not angering society customs and afraid of tarnishing family image if asking for divorce.

Whether ARRANGED or LOVE...the fact remains that for the marriage to be successful..excluding reasons like forced to live together or fear of angering society....that they need to like each other and understand each other...if not even simple mistakes can lead to physical intimidation.

From the parents side...it must be understood that their children are full grown human beings like them...decision making must be left to them to decide who they want as their future life partner..trying to restrict them or holding onto them doesnt show parental love..it shows restriction of a human beings will to think and decide and it is AGAINST HUMAN RIGHTS. There can be parental love..but it must not lead to curbing a human being down. :D

[pavalamani pragasam]

That is more soothing! :D

[ajithfederer]

Ennatha arranged marriage ennatha love marriage :lol2:

[Raikkonen]

Ennatha arranged marriage ennatha love marriage :lol2:

Marriage aana sari...

[Wibha]

Ennatha arranged marriage ennatha love marriage :lol2:


:lol: maarriage-ea vendaam :boo:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Ennatha arranged marriage ennatha love marriage :lol2:


:lol: maarriage-ea vendaam :boo:

:lol:

[Wibha]

Ennatha arranged marriage ennatha love marriage :lol2:


:lol: maarriage-ea vendaam :boo:

:lol:

SP akka but m actually seirous about it

[Hulkster]

SP akka but m actually seirous about it

Not marrying is no wrong decision...after all it is you who decide your life...you can choose to be married and choose not to be..ultimate decision is yours :D

[Raikkonen]

sometimes parents force their kids to love marriage..:lol:

[Shakthiprabha.]

I know u are serious wibha. I WAS TOO once :D

we all were :lol:

[Wibha]

I know u are serious wibha. I WAS TOO once :D

we all were :lol:

:lol: that's what all say....... when i say this..........but aren't there any women who have remained unmarried......sushmita sen :clap: :notworthy:

[littlemaster1982]

I know u are serious wibha. I WAS TOO once :D

we all were :lol:

:exactly:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Dear all,

WHEN it comes to the QUESTION OF success in marriage....

THESE are the points I like to put forward.

* expectations regarding partners are almost NIL in arranged marriages.

* Hence whatever lil nice face they show, we get the happiness and get CONTENDED fast.

* EVEN if u are not happy, u try ur BEST to patch up, live for the sake of ur parents happiness or society.

in LOVE marriages

* expectations are TOO HIGH.

* any small swerving from the understanding takes a toss.

* since u are CONFIDENT taking decisions, U BREAK up with equal speed on any trivial matter, MOST DONT try to patch up or WORK the marriage out.

However,

LOVE marriages these days HAPPEN with sense. So, the partners themselves GIVE room for understanding to grow. It is not like olden days oF falling in love for looks, and romance and later repenting.

__

Having said all this,

BOTH marriages FAIL equally. (given a chance and freedom to call off without social pressure)

BOTH marriages have equal frustration.

BOTH marriages HAVE no difference aftter a year or so. (both sail in same boat, with similar love or understanding)

So, HAVING SEEN, the result of any marriage is SAME...

I only talk about HOW WE GET INTO A MARRIAGE (not its affer effect as its the same in every case)

HOW WE GET INTO IT?

without love with the idea of working out love?

or...

with love, with the idea of SUSTAINING love.

thats all.

HOW we get into a relationship is not very acceptable, for some of us, when it is arranged.

I find it similar to buying a house or fridge or tv, where we decide unanimously on the color, guarantee, status appeal, budget and the like.

LOVE is an emotion AND ITS IS QUITE surprising that IT COULD BE BOUGHT and developed.

Having said this I still feel, BOTH MARRIAGES HAVE FLAWS and DO NOT WORK OUT later date UNLESS both AGREE TO ADJUST AND COMPROMISE.

whatever be the marriage.

COMPROMISE/ADJUSTMENT are the two main mantras added with a potion of love and understanding.

[Shakthiprabha.]

I know u are serious wibha. I WAS TOO once :D

we all were :lol:

:lol: that's what all say....... when i say this..........but aren't there any women who have remained unmarried......sushmita sen :clap: :notworthy:

THERE ARE. I know some of my distant relatives, WHO ADAMANTLY remains unmarried.

Both these ladies are 50 years of age now.

THEY DONT REPENT their decision. THEY ARE HAPPY, stayign with their other sisters and brotehrs and helping their family in all possible ways.

they GO OUT FOR SOCIAL CAUSE AND SPEND time on useful things.

THEIR PARENTS did not force them, AS THEY WERE ONE AMONG THE 11 KIDS they delivered (NOT single child LIKE US, WHERE WE ARE bound to marry for the sake of our parents ) :)

I KNOW how lovely human beings they are to the society and t heir family.

I ADMIRE them :clap:

[Wibha]

I know u are serious wibha. I WAS TOO once :D

we all were :lol:

:lol: that's what all say....... when i say this..........but aren't there any women who have remained unmarried......sushmita sen :clap: :notworthy:

THERE ARE. I know some of my distant relatives, WHO ADAMANTLY remains unmarried.

Both these ladies are 50 years of age now.

THEY DONT REPENT their decision. THEY ARE HAPPY, stayign with their other sisters and brotehrs and helping their family in all possible ways.

they GO OUT FOR SOCIAL CAUSE AND SPEND time on useful things.

THEIR PARENTS did not force them, AS THEY WERE ONE AMONG THE 11 KIDS they delivered (NOT single child LIKE US, WHERE WE ARE bound to marry for the sake of our parents ) :)

I KNOW how lovely human beings they are to the society and t heir family.

I ADMIRE them :clap:

wowww......... :clap: :cool: thank god m not a single child :D :boo:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Dont count on it :wink: :D

Wibha, you are too young to decide on a decision like that.

LET IT COOL, decide after 10 years IFFFF u still feel the same way :)

[Wibha]

Dont count on it :wink: :D

Wibha, you are too young to decide on a decision like that.

LET IT COOL, decide after 10 years IFFFF u still feel the same way :)

indha bayamuruthara velai ellam kodadhu :notthatway: :D

i still have a lonnnggggggggg time ahead of me but i m 99% sure i wont change :shaking:

[Lambretta]

:lol: maarriage-ea vendaam :boo:
:shock: Enna Surya oda influence-a?? :P :lol2:

PS- un avtaar kalakathu!
:D

[Wibha]

:lol: maarriage-ea vendaam :boo:
:shock: Enna Surya oda influence-a?? :P :lol2:

PS- un avtaar kalakathu!
:D

i've had this forever :P

:ty: :D adhu naan illai thou :oops:

[Lambretta]

:lol: caste ok.but money or earnings :huh: :rotfl:
:exactly: :banghead: :x


.....love can't be expressed..........one can tell oh i'm with him/her only cuz i'm married...but the truth is there is the love for their better half somewhere deep inside their hearts which they are not ready to agree.................
Hmm.........tat sure is true.....


'course I know tat isnt u!
:roll:

[Wibha]

:lol: caste ok.but money or earnings :huh: :rotfl:
:exactly: :banghead: :x


.....love can't be expressed..........one can tell oh i'm with him/her only cuz i'm married...but the truth is there is the love for their better half somewhere deep inside their hearts which they are not ready to agree.................
Hmm.........tat sure is true.....


'course I know tat isnt u!
:roll:

:x enna solla vareal: :evil:

[Lambretta]

:x enna solla vareal: :evil:
:huh: :? :roll:
Nvr mind, lets not digress here.......brb! :wave:

[Wibha]

:x watever back to marriage :?

[swathy]

Ennatha arranged marriage ennatha love marriage :lol2:


:lol: maarriage-ea vendaam :boo:

ipdi than naangalum sollittu irundhom

[Wibha]

Ennatha arranged marriage ennatha love marriage :lol2:


:lol: maarriage-ea vendaam :boo:

ipdi than naangalum sollittu irundhom

i was expecting this reply from everyone :lol:

i've actually planned ways of escaping marriage :shaking: :D


and hopefuly i am one among the few women who can accomplish it :D

[dev]

Get the consent of ur parents, (which is no.one) then get married.
IF they dont, try and convince, IF THEY STILL DONT AGREE.....

CHOOSE another (OF UR OWN WILL, NOT PARENT'S ARRANGED ALLAINCE) which ur parents approve of.

:shock: :roll: :x

[pavalamani pragasam]

'Not getting married' appadinnaa 'celibacy'-nnu theLivaa sollungappaa- if that is what you plan, illaatti illaatha santhEgam ellaam vanthurum inRaiya 'free' society-la! :roll:

[Lambretta]

PP ma'm, :lol: :clap:
Yea, tats true......if ur ready to live w/out marriage u must hav the fortitude to maintain celibacy too! :twisted: :D

[Hulkster]

Get the consent of ur parents, (which is no.one) then get married.
IF they dont, try and convince, IF THEY STILL DONT AGREE.....

CHOOSE another (OF UR OWN WILL, NOT PARENT'S ARRANGED ALLAINCE) which ur parents approve of.

:shock: :roll: :x

Parents need to understand that their children are full grown human beings like them..they either reap or regret from the decisions they make..parents can help give some advice but not totally make the decision...sometimes when we have children we get so attached to them we forget that they are human beings just like us and have to make their own decisions :evil:

[tvsankar]

Arranged marriage innum outdateda agalai nu ninaikiren.

Love varadhavangaluku kalyanam na arranged marriage dhanae orae vazhi... :D

Ana, Arraanged marriage la 2 type irukae.

1.Love illamal, amma appa parthu kalyanam seidhu vaikum oru murai.

2.thannoda son/daughter love panranga nu therinjum, adhai thadukaradhukaga avasaram avasarama - parents - marriage arrange pannuvanga.

idhil 2nd one - konjamum seri illai.

en patti 70s layae solvanga - Oruthar yarai love panrangalo avangalukae kalyanam seidhu vaikanam .

Manadhil orutharai nenachukittu, aduthavangaluku kalyanam seidhu vaithal - adhu aduthavangaluku seiyara dhrogam. Andha thappai periyavanga seiya kudadhu.Adhu konjamum nyayam kedaiyadhu'nu..

[Wibha]

'Not getting married' appadinnaa 'celibacy'-nnu theLivaa sollungappaa- if that is what you plan, illaatti illaatha santhEgam ellaam vanthurum inRaiya 'free' society-la! :roll:

pp maam........ :lol: with celibacy :notworthy:

[Nakeeran]

Though arranged marriages have been by and large successful ( by past history of our ancestors ) , I still wonder how one can chose the spouse in just few minutes of interaction !

Generally parents look at the following aspects :

1. Good family with a decent past
2. Spouse ,educated
3. Spouse , social

Amazing that most of the cases have been successful . One reason could be COMPROMISE AND ADAPTABILITY .
A woman , once she steps into the house of inlaws, on seeing the state of affairs prevailing, she adjusts / adapts herself to the given situation & leads her life.
Alternatively, the hubby has to adjust / flexible to the expectations of wife.

This is how the past would have been successful I presume. :roll:

On the contrary, love marriage ( sans attraction more sexual ) may prove to be more successful as both take a thorough look at each others' +vs and -ves and then decide.

I will vote for love marriage which is more pratical oriented than the theoretical arranged marriages where EVERYTHING IS BASED ON HOPE

[pavalamani pragasam]

A whole lifetime is not enough to "take a thorough look at each others' +vs and -ves" :lol:

[Nakeeran]

Madam,

Illogical , it sounds . Wonder how one can chose a spouse in 30 mts !!

Neenga ellaarum anubavasthargal. Pl enlighten us.

[pavalamani pragasam]

periyavangakitta anupavam(discernment), akkarai, aNukumuRai techniques iruppathaal pakkuvakamaaka, palavithamaaka yOsiththu mudivu seyvaarkaL. Those who believe this implicitly need never have any doubt about their happy married life. When we set about looking for marriage alliance for our 3 children we first give them a questionnaire to know about their preferences. We chose accordingly. Now we have 5 grandchildren! This is what happens in all our families. No frustrations, frictions, disappointments, disillussionments so far. Our wards luckily never thought of venturing out on their own in such an important matter! :D

[tvsankar]

Arranged marriage - Nichayam Money Matters la compromise agi vidugiradhu. Thats all.

True Love Marriage - Manadhal nichayam agiradhu.
Iruvarum oruvarai oruvar purindhu kondu marriage seidhu kolvadhal. avargal porupai avargal sumapargal.

Infact, irandu side parents kum responsibilityae kidaiyadhu.Iruvaraiyum periyargal purindhu kondu support seidhalae podhum.Periyavargal enra peyaril kurai solli manadhai kedukamal , nirai solli support seidhalae podhum.

[Nakeeran]

periyavangakitta anupavam(discernment), akkarai, aNukumuRai techniques iruppathaal pakkuvakamaaka, palavithamaaka yOsiththu mudivu seyvaarkaL. Those who believe this implicitly need never have any doubt about their happy married life. When we set about looking for marriage alliance for our 3 children we first give them a questionnaire to know about their preferences. We chose accordingly. Now we have 5 grandchildren! This is what happens in all our families. No frustrations, frictions, disappointments, disillussionments so far. Our wards luckily never thought of venturing out on their own in such an important matter! :D


Oh thats great ! :D Participative decision making may be is the ideal way. Making the parties also part of the process , taking their opinion / likes and arranging an alliance could be the most ideal one.

[thilak4life]

Madam,

Illogical , it sounds . Wonder how one can chose a spouse in 30 mts !!

Neenga ellaarum anubavasthargal. Pl enlighten us.

haha :lol: Mudiyaadu NAkeeran sir. child marraige is just a worse case scenario of arranged marriages in this country. And marrying to animals,etc.. - idellam kooda..

Our culture is flawed at many levels and we will find bliss even then. we just see the statistical data that both the forms of marriage have success rate. But If someone asks for reevaluation of these flaws like marrying a stranger - they call it as aping 'western' culture.. haha

Wonder how female infanticide, sati, etc are eradicated - because of rational minds who took special care to stop the nonsensical things happening in the society..

Love marriage is rational and not a shot in the dark - just that some people love to put the blame on their parents and go for arranged marriage. haha! idellam yenna polappu!

LOVE Marriage especially intercaste - I think we should support it.. And stop the bigotry in different casts.

As Aandavar says in VNS "Naallaam(4th) thalamurai-aey paar, naadivanum Sithapan Aavan"

And to remain single - Welcome..

less population - in turn means less pollution - global warming is taken care of.

Or else have a relationship or marry a mutual partner and don't have kids..

'To have a kid' is a wonderful feeling - I agree. But what happens in different cases - they will basically ruin the parent's happiness. you will loose half your time (and your hair) caring about their education and life. You can't enjoy your food because your kid might need lactogen.. after few more years, the kid needs you to wear the shoes for school - so you will skip the breakfast ..ippidi daan namba ooru-la mukavasi parents kalatha oturanga.. If you ask them, they would say "anda Kadamai-la irukkura sugame thani".. haha :rotfl: seri seri.. who knows I might even say this..

I am sure those people would any day prefer traveling, trekking, reading books, enjoying life, helping the society, etc..

So.. Don't look with contempt at those who are single or the couples who have no kids in their relationship..

Moreover, I would like to call directors and filmmakers (especially idiots like KB in films like "Sindhu bairavi" and 'kalki') who portray that thaaimai is woman's biggest gift and Aanmai is to have kids - hahahaha ... Society in our country is a godforsaken entity.. (ah funny that God comes here as well)..

Give the individual, total freedom and don't be irrational!!!!

[Nakeeran]

[quote="thilak4life
Or else have a relationship or marry a mutual partner and don't have kids..

'To have a kid' is a wonderful feeling - I agree. But what happens in different cases - they will basically ruin the parent's happiness. you will loose half your time (and your hair) caring about their education and life. You can't enjoy your food because your kid might need lactogen.. after few more years, the kid needs you to wear the shoes for school - so you will skip the breakfast ..ippidi daan namba ooru-la mukavasi parents kalatha oturanga.. If you ask them, they would say "anda Kadamai-la irukkura sugame thani".. haha :rotfl: seri seri.. who knows I might even say this..

I am sure those people would any day prefer traveling, trekking, reading books, enjoying life, helping the society, etc..[/quote]

Hi T4L

U have given a new dimension now to this thread ! :)

How long would one travel , trek etc ?? As age passes, ageing takes over & the resultant oldage. So , dont we need EMOTIONAL support atleast with our children, grandchildren around giving all the happiness which a travel or trekking or reading books might not give ?

[Roshan]

I thought of remaining a silent observer here as I am quite possitive these kind of debates dont take us anywhere but your post has prompted me to respond.

As usual superb response.. kalakkiteenga :thumbsup: (even though my views differ slightly from yours)

[thilak4life]

Or else have a relationship or marry a mutual partner and don't have kids..

'To have a kid' is a wonderful feeling - I agree. But what happens in different cases - they will basically ruin the parent's happiness. you will loose half your time (and your hair) caring about their education and life. You can't enjoy your food because your kid might need lactogen.. after few more years, the kid needs you to wear the shoes for school - so you will skip the breakfast ..ippidi daan namba ooru-la mukavasi parents kalatha oturanga.. If you ask them, they would say "anda Kadamai-la irukkura sugame thani".. haha :rotfl: seri seri.. who knows I might even say this..

I am sure those people would any day prefer traveling, trekking, reading books, enjoying life, helping the society, etc..

Hi T4L

U have given a new dimension now to this thread ! :)

How long would one travel , trek etc ?? As age passes, ageing takes over & the resultant oldage. So , dont we need EMOTIONAL support atleast with our children, grandchildren around giving all the happiness which a travel or trekking or reading books might not give ?

I don't think most of them these days care to give it. If at all, anyone gives it.. It would be the spouse. As I said, having kids is a great feeling. But I have always felt those who don't have kids have enough conviction and reasons too. Our society is entangled with false notions that they look at them with disdain. I touched on it to give a new dimension :)

[Shakthiprabha.]

Get the consent of ur parents, (which is no.one) then get married.
IF they dont, try and convince, IF THEY STILL DONT AGREE.....

CHOOSE another (OF UR OWN WILL, NOT PARENT'S ARRANGED ALLAINCE) which ur parents approve of.

:shock: :roll: :x

I dont BELIEVE in anything called AMARA KAATHAL or...
a love which sustains for JANMAS.

get going...

thats life.

BETTER STILL, U CAN REMAIN unmarried :thumbsup:

IF given a chance, and we remain uncommitted and free enough to legally look out, I THINK LOVE HAPPENS lots of times, NOT NECESSARY ONCE.

It does not sound INDIANISH :D

does not matter.. I am MADE this way :)

[Roshan]

I don't think most of them these days care to give it. If at all, anyone gives it.. It would be the spouse. As I said, having kids is a great feeling. But I have always felt those who don't have kids have enough conviction and reasons too. Our society is entangled with false notions that they look at them with disdain. I touched on it to give a new dimension :)

Good one again :clap:

[Roshan]

IF given a chance, and we remain uncommitted and free enough to legally look out, I THINK LOVE HAPPENS lots of times, NOT NECESSARY ONCE.

It does not sound INDIANISH :D

does not matter.. ITS MY VIEW :)

Yes I agree. Intha 'indianish' pOrvaiyila nadappathellaam utter hypocricy :x

Just reminded of KH song - kaadhal oru kadalu maaridA - tumblerukkuL neechal yEnadA :lol:

[thilak4life]

Thanks Roshan,

Even I was a silent spectator. But my extreme hatred over some of the false notions in the society made me lash out strongly! Expecting some good discussion as I would like to learn how different subjective views over this issue has a pattern. If we trace it, it would be ideas imbued from the society itself.

[Nakeeran]

Sakthiprabha :

BETTER STILL, U CAN REMAIN unmarried

God ! :shock: This is the 3rd dimension to this thread !

So, why Marriage is your point !

If a man or a woman is destined to live and die as single, the nature would not have created the other spouse ! There is a definite reasoning behind this creation of both the spouses .

Enna SP Akka ippadi solteenga ? Well. I am not married yet . Can look for thoughts from experienced like u all .

[Shakthiprabha.]

How long would one travel , trek etc ?? As age passes, ageing takes over & the resultant oldage. So , dont we need EMOTIONAL support atleast with our children, grandchildren around giving all the happiness which a travel or trekking or reading books might not give ?

Who do u think these days get EMOTIONAL support from children and grandchildren?

Most of the times, its friends and neighbours.

EMOTIONAL supprot and LOVE does not necessarily result only in BLOOD bonds. It can COME OTHERWISE IN THIS VAST UNIVERSe.

LOVE IS STREWN eveywhere. wE JUST need a right attitude and wider heart to accept it from other sources.

[Roshan]

If a man or a woman is destined to live and die as single, the nature would not have created the other spouse ! There is a definite reasoning behind this creation of both the spouses .

.

Agree Nakeeran but being married or single should be up to the individual and shouldnt be happening for the sake of family, society, naalu pEru enna solluvaanga type of things.

[Shakthiprabha.]

IF given a chance, and we remain uncommitted and free enough to legally look out, I THINK LOVE HAPPENS lots of times, NOT NECESSARY ONCE.

It does not sound INDIANISH :D

does not matter.. ITS MY VIEW :)

Yes I agree. Intha 'indianish' pOrvaiyila nadappathellaam utter hypocricy :x

Just reminded of KH song - kaadhal oru kadalu maaridA - tumblerukkuL neechal yEnadA :lol:

yo! roshan :)

love is a beautiful feeling.

We can remain seperated and still pray for the other's well being.

LOVE IS NOT NECESSARILY SEXUAL OR necessarily end in a marriage.

i BELIEVE in this.

by this I DO NOT SUBSCRIBE TO MULTIPLE RELATIONSHIP. I hope I am understood in right sense :roll:

[thilak4life]

If a man or a woman is destined to live and die as single, the nature would not have created the other spouse ! There is a definite reasoning behind this creation of both the spouses .


Yes. The reasons are 'attraction' and 'intimacy'. And of course the 'three letter word'. Or else how to demarcate that relation from my best friends (most of them guys and few girls). :shock:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Sakthiprabha :

BETTER STILL, U CAN REMAIN unmarried

God ! :shock: This is the 3rd dimension to this thread !

So, why Marriage is your point !

If a man or a woman is destined to live and die as single, the nature would not have created the other spouse ! There is a definite reasoning behind this creation of both the spouses .

Enna SP Akka ippadi solteenga ? Well. I am not married yet . Can look for thoughts from experienced like u all .

Nakeeran,

I am not advising every person to remain UNMARRIED. IF /.. I insist IFFF, u feel , u can only LOVE ONE PERSON, and U CANT MARRY THEM, its better to remain unmarried, as A PERSON WITH SUCH attitude, would ruin the other's happiness.

if u are a person who has LOTS OF LOVE, which can be GIVEN TO THE SOCIETY, ANDDDDDDDD, IF U WANNA REMAIN UNMARRIED, cool enough, share the love with needy and poor ppl and live for a nice cause.

REMAINING UNMARRIED IS NOT EVERYBODY'S CUP OF TEA. its a rare case we are talking.

[Shakthiprabha.]

3 ppl voted for love and marrying against wishes :| :)

now, thats SAD.

anyway opinions differ :)

[thilak4life]

IF given a chance, and we remain uncommitted and free enough to legally look out, I THINK LOVE HAPPENS lots of times, NOT NECESSARY ONCE.

It does not sound INDIANISH :D

does not matter.. ITS MY VIEW :)

Yes I agree. Intha 'indianish' pOrvaiyila nadappathellaam utter hypocricy :x

Just reminded of KH song - kaadhal oru kadalu maaridA - tumblerukkuL neechal yEnadA :lol:

yo! roshan :)

love is a beautiful feeling.

We can remain seperated and still pray for the other's well being.

LOVE IS NOT NECESSARILY SEXUAL OR necessarily end in a marriage.

i BELIEVE in this.

by this I DO NOT SUBSCRIBE TO MULTIPLE RELATIONSHIP. I hope I am understood in right sense :roll:

I think I have some 40 odd lovers(guys and girls) from what you said.. I hope they do good and have some sort of special feeling towards them.. I feel love is all about having that extra 'attraction' and 'intimacy' in addition to what you would have for your best friends!!!

[Shakthiprabha.]

I think I have some 40 odd lovers(guys and girls) from what you said.. I hope they do good and have some sort of special feeling towards them.. I feel love is all about having that extra 'attraction' and 'intimacy' in addition to what you would have for your best friends!!!

:lol:

What is love IS EACH ONE'S UNIQUE definition.

WHAT IS LOVE, changes from the relationship u have.

love u have for parents, friends is also love. In a spouse u look for the element of CHEMISTRY / shyness / attraction ALONG WITH LOVE.

I am sure IT DOES NOT HAPPEN WITH 40 PPL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :shock:

For a normal human being who is not committed, and who failed in marryng the first love, HE CAN STUMBLE upon love once more, AND ANOTHER TIME TOO.

I think MORE THAN 3 TIMES, if u stumble upon such love, then, its not quite normal.

RATIOs VARY person to person.

However I DO NOT BELIEVE, with ur first love lost, UR LIFE IS LOST.

[thilak4life]

I think I have some 40 odd lovers(guys and girls) from what you said.. I hope they do good and have some sort of special feeling towards them.. I feel love is all about having that extra 'attraction' and 'intimacy' in addition to what you would have for your best friends!!!

:lol:

What is love IS EACH ONE'S UNIQUE definition.

WHAT IS LOVE, changes from the relationship u have.

love u have for parents, friends is also love. In a spouse u look for the element of CHEMISTRY / shyness / attraction ALONG WITH LOVE.

I am sure IT DOES NOT HAPPEN WITH 40 PPL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :shock:

okay.. Now I can safely say I'm straight .. Thanks :)

[kannannn]

3 ppl voted for love and marrying against wishes :| :)

now, thats SAD.

anyway opinions differ :)
Why SAD SP? I think it depends on the situation. Summa 'against parents wishes'-nu generalize panna mudiyathu..

[Shakthiprabha.]

THILAK,

:lol:

[Shakthiprabha.]

3 ppl voted for love and marrying against wishes :| :)

now, thats SAD.

anyway opinions differ :)
Why SAD SP? I think it depends on the situation. Summa 'against parents wishes'-nu generalize panna mudiyathu..

True! I agree! :)

[Shakthiprabha.]

Whatever said n done, kannan,

IT PAINS the parents :(

It EMOTIONALLY KILLS them seriously...

Whether they DESERVE such a treatment or not is a different issue.

[thilak4life]

Whatever said n done, kannan,

IT PAINS the parents :(

It EMOTIONALLY KILLS them seriously...

Whether they DESERVE such a treatment or not is a different issue.

So, people who have no kids can save themselves this torture :D

[Shakthiprabha.]

Whatever said n done, kannan,

IT PAINS the parents :(

It EMOTIONALLY KILLS them seriously...

Whether they DESERVE such a treatment or not is a different issue.

So, people who have no kids can save themselves this torture :D

:lol:

do u susbcribe to 'DINK' fever thilak?

[Roshan]

love is a beautiful feeling.

We can remain seperated and still pray for the other's well being.

LOVE IS NOT NECESSARILY SEXUAL OR necessarily end in a marriage.

i BELIEVE in this.

by this I DO NOT SUBSCRIBE TO MULTIPLE RELATIONSHIP. I hope I am understood in right sense :roll:

Yes I agree and confirm that you are not misunderstood :) As you said i very strongly hold the same view that I DO NOT BELIEVE, with ur first love lost, UR LIFE IS LOST. appadi oru thavaRaana mAyayai yErpaduthuvathaithaan indianise pOrvaiyil nadakkum hypocricy-nu sonnEn. Adhathaan KH ( Vairamuthu who wrote the lyrics) had said it in a different way :)

Hope I am understood right now :)

[thilak4life]

No. I am just endorsing it. Because this world is practically flooded. so, it can do with Dinks after all :P




Whatever said n done, kannan,

IT PAINS the parents :(

It EMOTIONALLY KILLS them seriously...

Whether they DESERVE such a treatment or not is a different issue.

So, people who have no kids can save themselves this torture :D

:lol:

do u susbcribe to DINK fever thilak?

[Wibha]

:omg:

[thilak4life]

love is a beautiful feeling.

We can remain seperated and still pray for the other's well being.

LOVE IS NOT NECESSARILY SEXUAL OR necessarily end in a marriage.

i BELIEVE in this.

by this I DO NOT SUBSCRIBE TO MULTIPLE RELATIONSHIP. I hope I am understood in right sense :roll:

Yes I agree and confirm that you are not misunderstood :) As you said i very strongly hold the same view that I DO NOT BELIEVE, with ur first love lost, UR LIFE IS LOST. appadi oru thavaRaana mAyayai yErpaduthuvathaithaan indianise pOrvaiyil nadakkum hypocricy-nu sonnEn. Adhathaan KH ( Vairamuthu who wrote the lyrics) had said it in a different way :)

Hope I am understood right now :)

:thumbsup:

Wibha,

yenna ma aachu?

[Shakthiprabha.]

Roshan, true.


Also esp MOVIES (indian movies) of 70z and 80z HAVE INCREASED THIS craze for love.. and if u dont win them, RESORT TO SUICIDE. :evil:

Life is so precious and THERES MUCH MORE TO IT THAN just winning ur love.

Worst is duo who are in love, DECIDE TO COMMIT SUICIDE TOGETHER :banghead:

Cant they atleast ELOPE AND OPEN A PAAN SHOP OR IDLI SHOP AND liveeeeeeee somewhere?!!!

or... SACRIFICE UR LOVE...

So what!!! if u dont win ur first love... LIFE STILL WAITS ON ... with another intersting person... or... may be u are born for better cause!

[kannannn]

Whatever said n done, kannan,

IT PAINS the parents :(

It EMOTIONALLY KILLS them seriously...

Whether they DESERVE such a treatment or not is a different issue.
Hmm.. There are two issues involved here:
1. Do you think your kid's partner is not compatible with him?
2. Do you think your kid's partner is not compatible with you?

If it is the first point, I think your kid knows more about compatibility than you. If it is the second point, that is selfishenss, and you have lost the moral grounds for argument.

[Shakthiprabha.]

No. I am just endorsing it. Because this world is practically flooded. so, it can do with Dinks after all :P


:)

Better still, ADOPT a child :) and shower all ur love ... :thumbsup:

[Wibha]

adhilla 1 hr-la intha thread full josh la iruku......... aanal ellarum ean arranged marraiges-a ivlo titareal? :evil: :(

[Shakthiprabha.]

Whatever said n done, kannan,

IT PAINS the parents :(

It EMOTIONALLY KILLS them seriously...

Whether they DESERVE such a treatment or not is a different issue.
Hmm.. There are two issues involved here:
1. Do you think your kid's partner is not compatible with him?
2. Do you think your kid's partner is not compatible with you?

If it is the first point, I think your kid knows more about compatibility than you. If it is the second point, that is selfishenss, and you have lost the moral grounds for argument.

I perfectly understand and agree with the second point, BUT...

FIRST POINT...

parents HAVE THE RIGHT to tell us kannan,
and also, THEY MAY KNOW YOU, in a different perspective which u are unaware !!!

parents know us BETTER than our own selves, esp at immature age, and they have BETTER EXPERIENCE in these fields.

its wise to take their consent too.

no parent WOULD WANT MISERY FOR THE CHILD, aint not :)

[Nakeeran]

There is a great +ve aspect in Love marriage.
It saves DOWRY. 100 % guaranteed.

[Wibha]

There is a great +ve aspect in Love marriage.
It saves DOWRY. 100 % guaranteed.

nowadays even in AM's there is no more dowry

[Shakthiprabha.]

There is a great +ve aspect in Love marriage.
It saves DOWRY. 100 % guaranteed.

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

:yes: :yes: :yes: :yes: :yes: :yes: :yes: :yes:

I thought of posting it too, good that u posted.

[Nakeeran]

There is a great +ve aspect in Love marriage.
It saves DOWRY. 100 % guaranteed.

nowadays even in AM's there is no more dowry

R U sure ? I dont think so.

Atleast love marriages are 100% dowry exempted .

[Shakthiprabha.]

There is a great +ve aspect in Love marriage.
It saves DOWRY. 100 % guaranteed.

nowadays even in AM's there is no more dowry

WIBHA,

Indian community is VAST...

:)

[thilak4life]

Good idea.. but naan avalo nallavaen illa (to be brutally honest) :lol:

But those who are benevolent souls can do it.



No. I am just endorsing it. Because this world is practically flooded. so, it can do with Dinks after all :P


:)

Better still, ADOPT a child :) and shower all ur love ... :thumbsup:

[Wibha]

i'm 100% sure that nowadays even in indian MOST ORTHODOX communities also they dont' take dowry......

[Nakeeran]

i'm 100% sure that nowadays even in indian MOST ORTHODOX communities also they dont' take dowry......

With due respects, the marwari sect & some telugu sect , its a way of life ! Heavy money / wealth in kind gets exchanged in the form of SHaadi

[Roshan]

:)

Better still, ADOPT a child :) and shower all ur love ... :thumbsup:

YES !! I am 100% for that :clap:

[Shakthiprabha.]

i'm 100% sure that nowadays even in indian MOST ORTHODOX communities also they dont' take dowry......

Check out nakeeran's post.

That was just a glimpse :)

How can u be 100 percent sure on something u have not done a detail reserach :P

wibha,

LOWER middle class la niraiya idathula irukku... :)
lower class kekkavE venam.

upper class PRESTIGE kaaga kepaanga
UPPER middle class la vena kurainjirukku...
middle class la kurainjirukku.

orthodox kum ithukkum sambatham illai...
community, caste, class, status, studies ithu poruthu amaiyum. :)

[Nakeeran]

I am not seeing much of exchange from a senior parent's perspective.
PP madam may definitely throw more light on how a parent will react in a given situation like a love marriage or an arranged one.

Most of us around in this thread are either in the age group of late 20s or max of early 30s. We all have not experienced the FULL FAMILY LIFE .
We dont know how we will react when we reach that stage of the 50s age group when our siblings will have to be married. So, all of ours are pure theories now.

PP Madam. Please come out with a clear striking message.

Good night to you all

[Shakthiprabha.]

:)

Better still, ADOPT a child :) and shower all ur love ... :thumbsup:

YES !! I am 100% for that :clap:

GOOD. :)

I know many of my own relatives (distant) who have decided on that, simply out of GOOD WILL and no medical compulsion

[thilak4life]

i'm 100% sure that nowadays even in indian MOST ORTHODOX communities also they dont' take dowry......

Go and see alliance bureau.. it will have word "sovereigns" in most of the registers as being "offered" - these are ads from the side that offers it while dowry for the other which receives. This has become a matter of "status".. :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

[Roshan]

Roshan, true.


Also esp MOVIES (indian movies) of 70z and 80z HAVE INCREASED THIS craze for love.. and if u dont win them, RESORT TO SUICIDE. :evil:

Life is so precious and THERES MUCH MORE TO IT THAN just winning ur love.

Worst is duo who are in love, DECIDE TO COMMIT SUICIDE TOGETHER :banghead:

Yes again :banghead: :twisted: :twisted: But SP as much as I hate those kind of movies I hate movies which are of 'alaigaL Oyvathillai' type :evil: :evil:

[Wibha]

ok....but after LM no respect in family, and even in in-laws house......ill treatment.is all those all right?

[Shakthiprabha.]

Roshan, true.


Also esp MOVIES (indian movies) of 70z and 80z HAVE INCREASED THIS craze for love.. and if u dont win them, RESORT TO SUICIDE. :evil:

Life is so precious and THERES MUCH MORE TO IT THAN just winning ur love.

Worst is duo who are in love, DECIDE TO COMMIT SUICIDE TOGETHER :banghead:

Yes again :banghead: :twisted: :twisted: But SP as much as I hate those kind of movies I hate movies which are of 'alaigaL Oyvathillai' type :evil: :evil:

why roshan?

I liked alaigaL oivathillai, EXCEPT THEY SHOWED 15 and 17 yaer old's IMMATURE age's love :(

paneer pushpangaL has better concept :)

[Shakthiprabha.]

ok....but after LM no respect in family, and even in in-laws house......ill treatment.is all those all right?


Its LOVE MARRIAGE with CONSENT wibha

Why should u have ILLTREATMENTS :? :confused2:

[thilak4life]

:)

Better still, ADOPT a child :) and shower all ur love ... :thumbsup:

YES !! I am 100% for that :clap:

:notworthy:

actually even I know a couple of them who opted for it and not for dysfunction or anything.. In fact my neighbors are looking for that despite having their own child. :clap:

[Shakthiprabha.]

oks.. pps...

this topic is SOOOOOOOOOOO TEMPTING... and I can go on.. and on... and on.

but... MY DAUGHTER IS SCREAMING at me, cause her bedtime story is due.

SO... would be back with full josh and enthu tomm :wave:

[Roshan]

Roshan, true.


Also esp MOVIES (indian movies) of 70z and 80z HAVE INCREASED THIS craze for love.. and if u dont win them, RESORT TO SUICIDE. :evil:

Life is so precious and THERES MUCH MORE TO IT THAN just winning ur love.

Worst is duo who are in love, DECIDE TO COMMIT SUICIDE TOGETHER :banghead:

Yes again :banghead: :twisted: :twisted: But SP as much as I hate those kind of movies I hate movies which are of 'alaigaL Oyvathillai' type :evil: :evil:

why roshan?

I liked alaigaL oivathillai, EXCEPT THEY SHOWED 15 and 17 yaer old's IMMATURE age's love :(

paneer pushpangaL has better concept :)

Thats why I hated it :banghead:

[Nakeeran]

ok....but after LM no respect in family, and even in in-laws house......ill treatment.is all those all right?

Wibha

I dont think that those old crimes of Motherinlaw-Daughter in law kind of a stuff do exist now. Now a days, DOL are more powerful and authoritative . So the case of ill treatment from inlaws for sure has come down drastically. ( ofcourse, what we see in mega serials are all crap stuff :evil: )

[Lambretta]

Madam,

Illogical , it sounds . Wonder how one can chose a spouse in 30 mts !!

Neenga ellaarum anubavasthargal. Pl enlighten us.
Nakeera,
The process of arranged marriages has undergone quite a change, as PP ma'm says.....I'm surprised u still think of it the same old way! :lol:
Besides, its not nec. a 30 mts. interaction nemore......both the individs. r allowed to have a long engagement of 6 months, even 1 yr during which time they can meet each other (within permissible/acceptable limits) & get to know each other better b4 finalising on the marriage. I know quite a few who've been thru this..... :)

[Wibha]

ok....but after LM no respect in family, and even in in-laws house......ill treatment.is all those all right?


Its LOVE MARRIAGE with CONSENT wibha

Why should u have ILLTREATMENTS :? :confused2:

what if the parents agree of r the HECK OF it :huh:

[Nakeeran]

Madam,

Illogical , it sounds . Wonder how one can chose a spouse in 30 mts !!

Neenga ellaarum anubavasthargal. Pl enlighten us.
Nakeera,
The process of arranged marriages has undergone quite a change, as PP ma'm says.....I'm surprised u still think of it the same old way! :lol:
Besides, its not nec. a 30 mts. interaction nemore......both the individs. r allowed to have a long engagement of 6 months, even 1 yr during which time they can meet each other (within permissible/acceptable limits) & get to know each other better b4 finalising on the marriage. I know quite a few who've been thru this..... :)

Its all fine but the original engagement still stands good no despite any unanticipated issues that crop up post engagement ? I dont think the engagement gets cancelled . Here the compromise or adaptability factor which might rule. The result - Unsatisfied alliance and further problems.

[kannannn]

Whatever said n done, kannan,

IT PAINS the parents :(

It EMOTIONALLY KILLS them seriously...

Whether they DESERVE such a treatment or not is a different issue.
Hmm.. There are two issues involved here:
1. Do you think your kid's partner is not compatible with him?
2. Do you think your kid's partner is not compatible with you?

If it is the first point, I think your kid knows more about compatibility than you. If it is the second point, that is selfishenss, and you have lost the moral grounds for argument.

I perfectly understand and agree with the second point, BUT...

FIRST POINT...

parents HAVE THE RIGHT to tell us kannan,
and also, THEY MAY KNOW YOU, in a different perspective which u are unaware !!!

parents know us BETTER than our own selves, esp at immature age, and they have BETTER EXPERIENCE in these fields.

its wise to take their consent too.

no parent WOULD WANT MISERY FOR THE CHILD, aint not :)
I am not against taking consent. Infact, that is the best thing to do. But what if you don't see eye to eye? Parents certainly have the right to tell us. But are they better in these fields? Love and understanding are intimate feelings which doesn't necessarily depend on experience. As for wordly affairs and 'DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE', how does arranged marriage score over love marriage?

[Shakthiprabha.]

Madam,

Illogical , it sounds . Wonder how one can chose a spouse in 30 mts !!

Neenga ellaarum anubavasthargal. Pl enlighten us.
Nakeera,
The process of arranged marriages has undergone quite a change, as PP ma'm says.....I'm surprised u still think of it the same old way! :lol:
Besides, its not nec. a 30 mts. interaction nemore......both the individs. r allowed to have a long engagement of 6 months, even 1 yr during which time they can meet each other (within permissible/acceptable limits) & get to know each other better b4 finalising on the marriage. I know quite a few who've been thru this..... :)

Shyam,

i LOGGED OFF, and u made me log in ... :evil: :( cause I was tempted to answer u.

anyway,

U HAVE 6 MONTHS... fine.

but shyam, after 6 months fullll 6 months of freaking out with this guy or girl, going to lunch, or meetups or phone calls, IF U DECIDE TO CALL OFF UR ENGAGEMENT OR PROPOSAL OR ALLIANCE,

how would be the situation ?

think bout this.

YOU go with the CLOSED HEART, that U N EED TO UNDERSTAND THIS PERSON, hook or by crook, and MARRY HIM OR HER, and ADJUST unlessssssssss HE OR SHE HAS An unacceptably major flaw :roll:

the th ought that I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE AND LIKE THIS PERSON would always be in ur mind.

THATS the diff between,

LOVE OR understanding happening naturally

and

LOVE or understanding happening with a GIVEN STIPULATED TIME TABLE :roll: :|

:wave:

BYE ALL SERIOUSLY.

[Wibha]

ok....but after LM no respect in family, and even in in-laws house......ill treatment.is all those all right?

Wibha

I dont think that those old crimes of Motherinlaw-Daughter in law kind of a stuff do exist now. Now a days, DOL are more powerful and authoritative . So the case of ill treatment from inlaws for sure has come down drastically. ( ofcourse, what we see in mega serials are all crap stuff :evil: )

not all DOL's are able to show their power.........what if the people were of different castes and the Mother-in-law is of the higher on

[Nakeeran]

Lamby

Besides, I strongly feel that both the parties ( spouse ) may not reveal their true identity / colour . They will try to project a CLEAN image just to be in good books. The true colour will come out after the marriage.

[Wibha]

k all :wave:

[kannannn]

There is a great +ve aspect in Love marriage.
It saves DOWRY. 100 % guaranteed.
Oh! don't be so sure. My friend's parents consented to let him marry his sweetheart, but only after the girl's parents agreed to give dowry. Ofcourse, getting married was upmost in their mind that they didn't object to the arrangement.

[Roshan]

actually even I know a couple of them who opted for it and not for dysfunction or anything.. In fact my neighbors are looking for that despite having their own child. :clap:

inga hub-la kooda rendu moonu pEr irukaanga and I do greatly admire them :notworthy: I too have some relatves and family friends who have done the same. But enakku chinna vayasula irunthE ulla aasai athu. I donno why. Specially to adopt a girl child :)

[Roshan]

I am not against taking consent. Infact, that is the best thing to do. But what if you don't see eye to eye? Parents certainly have the right to tell us. But are they better in these fields? Love and understanding are intimate feelings which doesn't necessarily depend on experience. As for wordly affairs and 'DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE', how does arranged marriage score over love marriage?

Good question Kannan :)

[Nerd]

Lamby

Besides, I strongly feel that both the parties ( spouse ) may not reveal their true identity / colour . They will try to project a CLEAN image just to be in good books. The true colour will come out after the marriage.

May I come in :lol:

Valid point Nakee, but eventually they will be *forced* to love each other and most of the Indians are brought up like that and thats why arranged marriages (marriages) in general are vastly successful!

Also someone mentioned that the parents know about one's self more than the person himself. if I know that the person I have chosen (lets say we both have been going around for 3-4 years) will be a perfect match for me and if my parents dont approve that, its stupidity on their part and I will elope.

[Lambretta]

Its all fine but the original engagement still stands good no despite any unanticipated issues that crop up post engagement ? I dont think the engagement gets cancelled . Here the compromise or adaptability factor which might rule. The result - Unsatisfied alliance and further problems.
Well I guess the idea behind introducing the process of engagement is tat unlike a marriage it can be even cancelled if ne dispute arises.....:?
As for unsatisfied alliance, it can occur even otherwise w/out engagement.....in tat case it'd be worse considering tat its made w/ expectations of a confirmed alliance.

[kannannn]

if I know that the person I have chosen (lets say we both have been going around for 3-4 years) will be a perfect match for me and if my parents dont approve that, its stupidity on their part and I will elope.[/b]
Appadi podunga!! When the lovers are mature enough to know each others short comings and look past it, where do the parents come in?

[Roshan]

Oh! don't be so sure. My friend's parents consented to let him marry his sweetheart, but only after the girl's parents agreed to give dowry. Ofcourse, getting married was upmost in their mind that they didn't object to the arrangement.

enakku therinju there's one couple who had similar experience. Finally the girl's brother had to give all his hard earned money to get his sister married to that guy. I was more angrier with the girl than the guy. nAnA irunthA pOdannu solli iruppEn :x I will never make my family shoulder the burden - for a choice made by me :evil:

[Roshan]

Appadi podunga!! When the lovers are mature enough to know each others short comings and look past it, where do the parents come in?

True but as you said only when they are mature enough to know each other. Just trying to insist on that a bit :)

[kannannn]

Finally the girl's brother had to give all his hard earned money to get his sister married to that guy. I was more angrier with the girl than the guy. nAnA irunthA pOdannu solli iruppEn :x I will never make my family to shoulder the burden - for a choice made by me :evil:
Adhedhaan :). Not only dowry. Even in matters of religion and caste, I know people who have compromised just to get the consent of their partner's parents. It defeats the very purpose of love marriage. But the point is, with all its short-comings, love marriage is the most logical and natural thing to do.

[thilak4life]

Finally the girl's brother had to give all his hard earned money to get his sister married to that guy. I was more angrier with the girl than the guy. nAnA irunthA pOdannu solli iruppEn :x I will never make my family to shoulder the burden - for a choice made by me :evil:
Adhedhaan :). Not only dowry. Even in matters of religion and caste, I know people who have compromised just to get the consent of their partner's parents. It defeats the very purpose of love marriage. But the point is, with all its short-comings, love marriage is the most logical and natural thing to do.

:thumbsup:

[Lambretta]

Shyam,

i LOGGED OFF, and u made me log in ... :evil: :( cause I was tempted to answer u...............
:wave:

BYE ALL SERIOUSLY.
:roll: Hmm..........since u've nevertheless managed to log off we'll talk bout this tmorrow....:|

[Roshan]

Finally the girl's brother had to give all his hard earned money to get his sister married to that guy. I was more angrier with the girl than the guy. nAnA irunthA pOdannu solli iruppEn :x I will never make my family to shoulder the burden - for a choice made by me :evil:
Adhedhaan :). Not only dowry. 1. Even in matters of religion and caste, I know people who have compromised just to get the consent of their partner's parents. It defeats the very purpose of love marriage. But the point is, with all its short-comings, 2. love marriage is the most logical and natural thing to do.

1. Mostly it is forced to compromise - specially by the guy - athulEyE paathi love pOyidum :( kEttA athukkum oru indinaised viLakkam. Payyan religion ethuvO athathaan ponnu follow pannanum. Adhan namma kalaachaaram. :x

2. Yes :thumbsup:

[Nerd]

But the point is, with all its short-comings, love marriage is the most logical and natural thing to do.

But there is a problem with this. Watching a lot of movies (mostly) all the teens/pre-teens are dying to fall in love. This is a very bad sign. Love should be spontaneous and not forced. Most of those people think that falling in live is *cool* and it has now become a status symbol, seriously :(

[kannannn]

Roshan, I agree. Reminds me of our movie dialogues: "pombalana eppadi irukkanum theriyuma..?"

Nerd, andha love-ellam ethana naalaiku? As Roshan said, the emphasis should be on 'Mature Love'.

[ajithfederer]

:exactly:

Most of those people think that falling in live is *cool* and it has now become a status symbol, seriously :(

[ajithfederer]

It happened in my cousins family very recently. Eventhough me and my other cousin oppsed it vehemently..
Adhukku avanga sonna vilakkam : Neenga chinna pasanga ungalukku ithellam puriathu :banghead:



Finally the girl's brother had to give all his hard earned money to get his sister married to that guy. I was more angrier with the girl than the guy. nAnA irunthA pOdannu solli iruppEn :x I will never make my family to shoulder the burden - for a choice made by me :evil:
Adhedhaan :). Not only dowry. 1. Even in matters of religion and caste, I know people who have compromised just to get the consent of their partner's parents. It defeats the very purpose of love marriage. But the point is, with all its short-comings, 2. love marriage is the most logical and natural thing to do.

1. Mostly it is forced to compromise - specially by the guy - athulEyE paathi love pOyidum :( kEttA athukkum oru indinaised viLakkam. Payyan religion ethuvO athathaan ponnu follow pannanum. Adhan namma kalaachaaram. :x

[Rocky_]

This happened to a friend of my Cousin's.

This guy was from this very Conservative Tamil Family in Kovai, and he is Very Very well educated, he got a very high paying job here and moved here, he'd send so much money to his parents back home which they were very happy with.

Soon he fell in love with a white women, and they both decided to get married. He went to India alone to explain the Situation to his parents, and they opposed it rabidly due to their ego, and their superiority complex that tamil culture is so superior and how can u marry a white woman, with the usual Mumbo Jumbo like "U will not see us alive" blah blah blah. He didn't put up a fight, but he said "I will not marry her, since u oppose it SO MUCH. But u should give me ur word that u will never ask me to marry anyone ever again." so the parents agreed, happy that he won't marry the white woman, and they thought they could convince him later on.

He came here, got married to the girl. The parents have no idea. He still visits his parents regularly every year, and sends them good money every month etc. For the last few years, they've started to try to persuade him to get married. He uses the promise that he got from them to say No. They're now supposedly depressed. This guy lives happily here with his wife and 2 daughters. 8-)

I really like the way he handled the Situation. 8-) He got what he wanted, he saved his parents EGO, and their Superiority Complex. But they are now miserable because they want him to get married to another Tamil Girl and have grandchildren etc, but according to them their son won't marry.

Every year he visits them, they try to get him to see other girls but he says no, and lately he said that he will stop visiting them if they continue. :P So they stopped doing that as well..

Nicely Done..don't you think?

[podalangai]

Better still, ADOPT a child :) and shower all ur love ... :thumbsup:
YES !! I am 100% for that :clap:
Unfortunately, the Indian government does not seem to be :( They make it so difficult for people who try. :cry:
Sorry for the digression. :yessir:

[ajithfederer]

Yes of course ...Many of my telugu roommates/friends they say they would get in lakhs/crores in dowry 8-)


i'm 100% sure that nowadays even in indian MOST ORTHODOX communities also they dont' take dowry......

With due respects, the marwari sect & some telugu sect , its a way of life ! Heavy money / wealth in kind gets exchanged in the form of SHaadi

[rachel]

//He came here, got married to the girl. The parents have no idea. He still visits his parents regularly every year, and sends them good money every month etc. For the last few years, they've started to try to persuade him to get married. He uses the promise that he got from them to say No. They're now supposedly depressed. This guy lives happily here with his wife and 2 daughters.

I really like the way he handled the Situation. He got what he wanted, he saved his parents EGO, and their Superiority Complex. But they are now miserable because they want him to get married to another Tamil Girl and have grandchildren etc, but according to them their son won't marry//

he is a liar.he didn't tell his parents he's married and has kids..he is cheating his parents...it's ridiculous :x

[Rocky_]

Of Course! But his parents don't know that.

His parents and him are still very close, he still takes care of them, and makes sure that they're well off. Visits them for about a month every year. Talks to them all the time. etc

This is much much better than abandoning them in their old age and demolishing their EGO IMO. 8-) It's a Win-Win Situation. 8-)

[Wibha]

Whatever said n done, kannan,

IT PAINS the parents :(

It EMOTIONALLY KILLS them seriously...

Whether they DESERVE such a treatment or not is a different issue.

:yes: :yes:

[Wibha]

This happened to a friend of my Cousin's.

This guy was from this very Conservative Tamil Family in Kovai, and he is Very Very well educated, he got a very high paying job here and moved here, he'd send so much money to his parents back home which they were very happy with.

Soon he fell in love with a white women, and they both decided to get married. He went to India alone to explain the Situation to his parents, and they opposed it rabidly due to their ego, and their superiority complex that tamil culture is so superior and how can u marry a white woman, with the usual Mumbo Jumbo like "U will not see us alive" blah blah blah. He didn't put up a fight, but he said "I will not marry her, since u oppose it SO MUCH. But u should give me ur word that u will never ask me to marry anyone ever again." so the parents agreed, happy that he won't marry the white woman, and they thought they could convince him later on.

He came here, got married to the girl. The parents have no idea. He still visits his parents regularly every year, and sends them good money every month etc. For the last few years, they've started to try to persuade him to get married. He uses the promise that he got from them to say No. They're now supposedly depressed. This guy lives happily here with his wife and 2 daughters. 8-)

I really like the way he handled the Situation. 8-) He got what he wanted, he saved his parents EGO, and their Superiority Complex. But they are now miserable because they want him to get married to another Tamil Girl and have grandchildren etc, but according to them their son won't marry.

Every year he visits them, they try to get him to see other girls but he says no, and lately he said that he will stop visiting them if they continue. :P So they stopped doing that as well..

Nicely Done..don't you think?

ippadi yemathie promise pannarathu nicely done :huh: god forbid it's as good as killing them............... they happen to know it through someone what would happen to his parents..........has he ever thought of that............. doesn't he have a heart which tells him not to cheat? how can he evenvisit them after lieing and promising? ithu nambinavaala kaivittu eamataradhu

[Wibha]

How long would one travel , trek etc ?? As age passes, ageing takes over & the resultant oldage. So , dont we need EMOTIONAL support atleast with our children, grandchildren around giving all the happiness which a travel or trekking or reading books might not give ?

emotional support need not come only from family or grandchildren.etc.it could be friends........................

or if it has to be a family one can remain unmarried and adopt a child........which is giving life to one and support for both

[Wibha]

:)

Better still, ADOPT a child :) and shower all ur love ... :thumbsup:


do they allowed unmarried man/woman to adopt a child :roll:

[dev]

Yes of course ...Many of my telugu roommates/friends they say they would get in lakhs/crores in dowry 8-)

With due respects, the marwari sect & some telugu sect , its a way of life ! Heavy money / wealth in kind gets exchanged in the form of SHaadi

Yes... that's true... have heard it from some telugu friends here...not all telegu ppl but a few sect of ppl still do get/give heavy dowry...They kindof talk like 30-40 lakhs is a pretty low dowry... :evil: :hammer:

[thamiz]

They never feel ashamed of it either, that is the scary part! :twisted:

[Shakthiprabha.]

if I know that the person I have chosen (lets say we both have been going around for 3-4 years) will be a perfect match for me and if my parents dont approve that, its stupidity on their part and I will elope.[/b]
Appadi podunga!! When the lovers are mature enough to know each others short comings and look past it, where do the parents come in?

Kannan, nerd,

As 2 ppl, who have given life and been THE MOST INTERESTED person in ur life, DO U THINK, its right on one's part to CAUSE PAIN TO THEM?

And sometimes (lot of times) THEY SEE the other perspective of our own self which we dont see.

IF PARENTS DONT COME IN AND INTERVENE in our lives (NOBODY ELSE CAN AND NOBODY ELSE WILL AND NOBODY ELSE SHOULD) THEN who can?!?!?

As parents, we should give them, THIS DESERVED RESPECT AND LOVE AND TRUST. poor souls!

[Shakthiprabha.]

Oh! don't be so sure. My friend's parents consented to let him marry his sweetheart, but only after the girl's parents agreed to give dowry. Ofcourse, getting married was upmost in their mind that they didn't object to the arrangement.

enakku therinju there's one couple who had similar experience. Finally the girl's brother had to give all his hard earned money to get his sister married to that guy. I was more angrier with the girl than the guy. nAnA irunthA pOdannu solli iruppEn :x I will never make my family shoulder the burden - for a choice made by me :evil:

:thumbsup: :clap:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Finally the girl's brother had to give all his hard earned money to get his sister married to that guy. I was more angrier with the girl than the guy. nAnA irunthA pOdannu solli iruppEn :x I will never make my family to shoulder the burden - for a choice made by me :evil:
Adhedhaan :). Not only dowry. Even in matters of religion and caste, I know people who have compromised just to get the consent of their partner's parents. It defeats the very purpose of love marriage. But the point is, with all its short-comings, love marriage is the most logical and natural thing to do.

:yes: no second thoughts :)

[ajithfederer]

Yes of course..The talking terminology for that is "Market Rate"... Some even argue why whats wrong in getting that?? :rotfl: ..I Can Quote the caste names here(where dowry is more predominant) but avoiding it for obvious reasons 8-)


Yes of course ...Many of my telugu roommates/friends they say they would get in lakhs/crores in dowry 8-)

With due respects, the marwari sect & some telugu sect , its a way of life ! Heavy money / wealth in kind gets exchanged in the form of SHaadi

Yes... that's true... have heard it from some telugu friends here...not all telegu ppl but a few sect of ppl still do get/give heavy dowry...They kindof talk like 30-40 lakhs is a pretty low dowry... :evil: :hammer:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Finally the girl's brother had to give all his hard earned money to get his sister married to that guy. I was more angrier with the girl than the guy. nAnA irunthA pOdannu solli iruppEn :x I will never make my family to shoulder the burden - for a choice made by me :evil:
Adhedhaan :). Not only dowry. 1. Even in matters of religion and caste, I know people who have compromised just to get the consent of their partner's parents. It defeats the very purpose of love marriage. But the point is, with all its short-comings, 2. love marriage is the most logical and natural thing to do.

1. Mostly it is forced to compromise - specially by the guy - athulEyE paathi love pOyidum :( kEttA athukkum oru indinaised viLakkam. Payyan religion ethuvO athathaan ponnu follow pannanum. Adhan namma kalaachaaram. :x

2. Yes :thumbsup:

I am talking a happening which happened 15 years back.

I know a TAMBRAM (tamizh brahmin) girl, an acquaintance, not really a friend, who fell in love with a KASHMIRI muslim......

they.. converted her, SHE severed all relationship with her ppl (already they did not consent) and HAPPILY, BEAMING WITH JOY, changed her name and WENT OFF TO KASHMIR never to return

I somehow felt pained :(

[Shakthiprabha.]

This happened to a friend of my Cousin's.

This guy was from this very Conservative Tamil Family in Kovai, and he is Very Very well educated, he got a very high paying job here and moved here, he'd send so much money to his parents back home which they were very happy with.

Soon he fell in love with a white women, and they both decided to get married. He went to India alone to explain the Situation to his parents, and they opposed it rabidly due to their ego, and their superiority complex that tamil culture is so superior and how can u marry a white woman, with the usual Mumbo Jumbo like "U will not see us alive" blah blah blah. He didn't put up a fight, but he said "I will not marry her, since u oppose it SO MUCH. But u should give me ur word that u will never ask me to marry anyone ever again." so the parents agreed, happy that he won't marry the white woman, and they thought they could convince him later on.

He came here, got married to the girl. The parents have no idea. He still visits his parents regularly every year, and sends them good money every month etc. For the last few years, they've started to try to persuade him to get married. He uses the promise that he got from them to say No. They're now supposedly depressed. This guy lives happily here with his wife and 2 daughters. 8-)

I really like the way he handled the Situation. 8-) He got what he wanted, he saved his parents EGO, and their Superiority Complex. But they are now miserable because they want him to get married to another Tamil Girl and have grandchildren etc, but according to them their son won't marry.

Every year he visits them, they try to get him to see other girls but he says no, and lately he said that he will stop visiting them if they continue. :P So they stopped doing that as well..

Nicely Done..don't you think?

:lol: :thumbsup: seems to be a GOOD IDEA.. indeed.

What if the parents visit him :? :?

[Shakthiprabha.]

Better still, ADOPT a child :) and shower all ur love ... :thumbsup:
YES !! I am 100% for that :clap:
Unfortunately, the Indian government does not seem to be :( They make it so difficult for people who try. :cry:
Sorry for the digression. :yessir:

NOPES. Its not difficult. Not as much as its hyped about.

[Wibha]

Finally the girl's brother had to give all his hard earned money to get his sister married to that guy. I was more angrier with the girl than the guy. nAnA irunthA pOdannu solli iruppEn :x I will never make my family to shoulder the burden - for a choice made by me :evil:
Adhedhaan :). Not only dowry. Even in matters of religion and caste, I know people who have compromised just to get the consent of their partner's parents. It defeats the very purpose of love marriage. But the point is, with all its short-comings, love marriage is the most logical and natural thing to do.

:yes: no second thoughts :)

what if the guys parents are ready to agree to the love marriage only if they receive a dowry? :roll:

[Shakthiprabha.]

:)

Better still, ADOPT a child :) and shower all ur love ... :thumbsup:


do they allowed unmarried man/woman to adopt a child :roll:

As far as I know, they dont.
you need to have a partner to raise the child in an amicable situation.
One of my relative wanted to know bout this too.

I AM NOT SURE about this :?

atleast in india I am not sure. It may be possible in any other country.

you should show ur salary income and other properties, so that they believe u can raise the child in a decent surroundings :?

[Wibha]

:)

Better still, ADOPT a child :) and shower all ur love ... :thumbsup:


do they allowed unmarried man/woman to adopt a child :roll:

As far as I know, they dont.
you need to have a partner to raise the child in an amicable situation.
One of my relative wanted to know bout this too.

I AM NOT SURE about this :?

atleast in india I am not sure. It may be possible in any other country.

you should show ur salary income and other properties, so that they believe u can raise the child in a decent surroundings :?

oh :D

:banghead:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Finally the girl's brother had to give all his hard earned money to get his sister married to that guy. I was more angrier with the girl than the guy. nAnA irunthA pOdannu solli iruppEn :x I will never make my family to shoulder the burden - for a choice made by me :evil:
Adhedhaan :). Not only dowry. Even in matters of religion and caste, I know people who have compromised just to get the consent of their partner's parents. It defeats the very purpose of love marriage. But the point is, with all its short-comings, love marriage is the most logical and natural thing to do.

:yes: no second thoughts :)

what if the guys parents are ready to agree to the love marriage only if they receive a dowry? :roll:

What will u do, if in arranged marriage, U ARE indirectly, with a SWEETLY COATED MEDCINE, asked to pay dowry?

We say 1000 reasons like "nalla varan " etc right?

In love marriage, if u think GUY is worthy enough, and U FEEL, u dont wanna lose him, ITS UR WISH TO pay.

it kills the whole purpose of love though.

the guy SHOULD HAVE SPINE to stand up and say

'NO TO DOWRY'

Its EQUALLY WISE to call off too, if u find u are being sold . ( and u stand an equal chance and fear in case of arranged marriage :? )

[Wibha]

Finally the girl's brother had to give all his hard earned money to get his sister married to that guy. I was more angrier with the girl than the guy. nAnA irunthA pOdannu solli iruppEn :x I will never make my family to shoulder the burden - for a choice made by me :evil:
Adhedhaan :). Not only dowry. Even in matters of religion and caste, I know people who have compromised just to get the consent of their partner's parents. It defeats the very purpose of love marriage. But the point is, with all its short-comings, love marriage is the most logical and natural thing to do.

:yes: no second thoughts :)

what if the guys parents are ready to agree to the love marriage only if they receive a dowry? :roll:

What will u do, if in arranged marriage, U ARE indirectly, with a SWEETLY COATED MEDCINE, asked to pay dowry?

We say 1000 reasons like "nalla varan " etc right?

In love marriage, if u think GUY is worthy enough, and U FEEL, u dont wanna lose him, ITS UR WISH TO pay.

it kills the whole purpose of love though.

the guy SHOULD HAVE SPINE to stand up and say

'NO TO DOWRY'

Its EQUALLY WISE to call off too, if u find u are being sold . ( and u stand an equal chance and fear in case of arranged marriage :? )

so love marriage la dowry vaangina justified? :huh:

[pavalamani pragasam]

Some greedy people have made 'dowry' a wicked, illegal thing. But is the concept really so bad?

When you go to visit someone you don't go empty-handed. Also when your guests leave you give some memento, be it atleast flowers. So when you send your dear daughter away from your house is it not natural to see she has all she loves to have in her own house?

There definitely is a limit to this gift!!! Ponna vaikkiRa idaththila poova vaikkalaam. But we do want to give gift to our parting daughter. And the son-in-law has a place of honour & favour in your household. He is a special guest, has right to privileges like your own son.

Do we not love to shower our sons with love, then why not on the son-in-law? The most important thing to remember is 'seer seyvathu' with pure love- voluntarily - is a beautiful experience. In our culture our ancestors have created hundred & odd occassions to do it, making family life more beautiful, meaningful, profitable!

[Shakthiprabha.]

so love marriage la dowry vaangina justified? :huh:

Nobody is subscribing to that and say its justified.

My point was, ANYWAY u are gonna pay in some form or the other ... in ANY marriage.

There would be a give and take IN A MARRIAGE WHERE THERE IS PARENT'S CONSENT. When u are NOT FORCED, but do the give and take, out of FREE WILL and well within ur budget and monetary capacity IT CANNOT BE TERMED AS DOWRY

If u really wanna avoid dowry, the best way is to ELOPE and get married :roll:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Some greedy people have made 'dowry' a wicked, illegal thing. But is the concept really so bad?

When you go to visit someone you don't go empty-handed. Also when your guests leave you give some memento, be it atleast flowers. So when you send your dear daughter away from your house is it not natural to see she has all she loves to have in her own house?

There definitely is a limit to this gift!!! Ponna vaikkiRa idaththila poova vaikkalaam. But we do want to give gift to our parting daughter. And the son-in-law has a place of honour & favour in your household. He is a special guest, has right to privileges like your own son.

Do we not love to shower our sons with love, then why not on the son-in-law? The most important thing to remember is 'seer seyvathu' with pure love- voluntarily - is a beautiful experience. In our culture our ancestors have created hundred & odd occassions to do it, making family life more beautiful, meaningful, profitable!

Most of us know the origin of dowry and the genuine purpose of the same pp maam.

The question here is, IN HOW MANY CASES, atleast 20 years before, was it VOLUNTARY?

Even now, in some or most communities and classes, they unashamedly QUOTE the price.

If, everything else seems okei, the boy and the girl are fine, horoscope and whatever u wanna see in arranged marriage clicks, THEN WHY DO PPL CALL IT OFF for monetary reason?

There are even known ppl to me, who CALLED OFF the idea of proposal, BECAUSE, they felt, the girl's side wont do a decent marriage.

I DONT FIND THAT justified.

[Shakthiprabha.]

Even if u say beautiful reasons for justifying the beautiful experience,

I FEEL we count the hand full few BRIDEGROOM'S family who SHARE THE MARRIAGE EXPENSE!!!

Both are getting married. Both are starting a new life. IS THE EXPENSE SHARED EQUALLY?

I DOUBT it.

In recent days, in few castes and communities, amidst educated ppl, THE IDEA OF SHARING THE MISCELLANEOUS EXPENSE is picking up, which is a welcoming change.

[Hulkster]

For arranged marriage, parents go through horoscope and then decide whether the man/woman is suitable for marriage without looking at the character compatibility and whether both like each other...even if the marriage is successful it is not due to horoscope but because of both liking each other or worse to worse, forced.

There can be two sides...if people think that horoscopes, society and parents decide marriages...then they are living on the decisions on others and not your own..and that also show the lack of logic as marriage should and must be the decision and lives of the people living it...are our parents and society going to marry us?

Trying to arrange a marriage between two people with rituals,horoscopes thinking these will fix the success rather than the two individuals understanding each other is absurd and illogical.

I cant believe people dunt understand that marriage does not necessarily need parental consent. I agree that parents are our force of our development but they are human beings just like us. There will come a point of time where we have to make our own decisions and our life has to be decided by us...whats the use if marriage which is a decision made by us is decided by our parents?

People please understand...there are certain events like marriage which is solely our decision...we cannot let our heart choose what our parents like..we can only let it choose what it likes...of course we can evaluate whether what the heart has chosen is right or wrong...but if it is right trying to reject it only harms yourself even if your parents are happy.

This is not about making sacrifices...it can be called making sacrifice if marriage involves everybody...but marriage only involves two individuals and possibly their children..so there is no sacrifice to be made here...choose your partner wisely and understand each other very well....if parents reject the marriage and threaten with suicide...it only shows that they are restricting us human beings of our right to choose our own partner...besides parents are not GOD..they are human beings as well...parents should remember that their children are not brought up to become enslaved to their wishes...but to stand on their own and make their own decisions.

It is right to inform of our parents of our marriage..but expecting their consent only shows that we are not making our own decisions...we are only living based on other's decisions...our parents are human beings..they can make mistakes as well...so it is best to choose what our heart desires...of course provided it chooses the right thing :D

[Rocky_]

This happened to a friend of my Cousin's.

This guy was from this very Conservative Tamil Family in Kovai, and he is Very Very well educated, he got a very high paying job here and moved here, he'd send so much money to his parents back home which they were very happy with.

Soon he fell in love with a white women, and they both decided to get married. He went to India alone to explain the Situation to his parents, and they opposed it rabidly due to their ego, and their superiority complex that tamil culture is so superior and how can u marry a white woman, with the usual Mumbo Jumbo like "U will not see us alive" blah blah blah. He didn't put up a fight, but he said "I will not marry her, since u oppose it SO MUCH. But u should give me ur word that u will never ask me to marry anyone ever again." so the parents agreed, happy that he won't marry the white woman, and they thought they could convince him later on.

He came here, got married to the girl. The parents have no idea. He still visits his parents regularly every year, and sends them good money every month etc. For the last few years, they've started to try to persuade him to get married. He uses the promise that he got from them to say No. They're now supposedly depressed. This guy lives happily here with his wife and 2 daughters. 8-)

I really like the way he handled the Situation. 8-) He got what he wanted, he saved his parents EGO, and their Superiority Complex. But they are now miserable because they want him to get married to another Tamil Girl and have grandchildren etc, but according to them their son won't marry.

Every year he visits them, they try to get him to see other girls but he says no, and lately he said that he will stop visiting them if they continue. :P So they stopped doing that as well..

Nicely Done..don't you think?

:lol: :thumbsup: seems to be a GOOD IDEA.. indeed.

What if the parents visit him :? :?


Good Question! :lol: I guess there might be some Sundar C type Comedy Scenes @ that point! :lol2: (Kaadhala Kaadhala, Naam Iruvar Namakku Iruvar etc)

[Rocky_]

Reg Dowry: Obviously guys who accept it, or even let their parents talk abt it are agreeing that they are nothing other than Male Prostitutes. 8-)

[Nerd]

Kannan, nerd,

As 2 ppl, who have given life and been THE MOST INTERESTED person in ur life, DO U THINK, its right on one's part to CAUSE PAIN TO THEM?

Yes, they are the most interested people in my life. So apparently they should not do something that will make me unhappy. Also their age is at least 20 years more than mine. So they will have the mental maturity and stuff. They should know better. Its like pushing me inside a water-less well (paazhum kiNaru :P). The pain that I feel will be 100 times more than the pain they might have to feel, becuase I am less matured than they are and I may not stand the pain.




And sometimes (lot of times) THEY SEE the other perspective of our own self which we dont see.

Quite true. But I am talking about a well matured guy/girl here (at least 21+)


IF PARENTS DONT COME IN AND INTERVENE in our lives (NOBODY ELSE CAN AND NOBODY ELSE WILL AND NOBODY ELSE SHOULD) THEN who can?!?!?
That is right. But dont you think your spouse is as important as your parents? I am going to spend the rest of my life with her and lets say I had been going around with her for long that I *know* her and apparently they dont even know her and them refusing the proposal does not make sense at all!


As parents, we should give them, THIS DESERVED RESPECT AND LOVE AND TRUST. poor souls!
Absolutely. I will try to get their consent first or I will sit and explain the whole scenario. avLo solliyum kEtkalainA, eventually they wont like me anymore so I will probably elope :P

[Hulkster]

Shakthi akka think these way...normal mammals like tiger,lion care for their young..teach them the tricks of their kind, nurture them into fully grown animals and let them stand on their own but our parents hang on to us even if we are fully grown and ready to stand on our own...its sad to see tears and pain but its not sad when tears and pain are meant to cause tears and pain to another one.

One must realise that our children do not belong to us...in fact no human being belongs to anybody...the reason why parents always try to make decisions for us is due to them getting so attached to us when we are young that they FAIL to realise that we too will become fully grown human beings like them and have to make our own decisions...it is because of these attachment and failure to realise that it leads to not being able to bear the outcome if their child chooses their own partner and they dunt like the person even if the person is justified. It is nice to have paasam,anbu but just having it without any knowledge of the truth or logic is dangerous :D

[Shakthiprabha.]

Shakthi akka think these way...normal mammals like tiger,lion care for their young..teach them the tricks of their kind, nurture them into fully grown animals and let them stand on their own but our parents hang on to us even if we are fully grown and ready to stand on our own...its sad to see tears and pain but its not sad when tears and pain are meant to cause tears and pain to another one.

One must realise that our children do not belong to us...in fact no human being belongs to anybody..:D

nerd, hulk,

I aint disputing that nobody belongs to anybody.

I basically cannot, CANNOT, build a family or start a life on the tears of my loved ones (here my parents)

Opinions differ and RESPECTED too :)

[Nerd]

SP, just one question :)

Can you stand the tears/pain of your loved ones (here your children) ?

For me, thats more painful than ME getting pained :)

[Wibha]

This is the story of one of my seniors

Her's was love marriage WITH the consent of the elders.......they did not like it but they agreed........after the marriage she went into torture........and even now she has NO support from her husband the person she "loved"........now she repents.....her parents had adviced her many times she did not listen.and even the loved guy is not on her side.......... so who's the sufferer here? love marriage with consent

[Hulkster]

Depends on whether the opinions are truthful...all of us have opinions but we cannot just use the excuse of its our own opinion unless it is justified...theres a greater opinion called the truth which cannot and never will be denied.

Akka if you think like that...then your only making your parents seem like GOD...no matter how much we like our parents they are vulnerable to wrong decisions just like us. It is IMPORTANT to know that things like marriage only involve the lives of the two individuals...if both of us can live together that is enough...if marriage involves our parents and others then that is a different case.

If i become sentimental without logic then i will not start my married life if even my best friend doesnt accept my marriage...it is important to understand that ultimately decision is ours and it is us who have to see whether the decision is right or wrong..if we ride on sentimental reasons and anbu/paasam we will be sacrificing truth and logic for the sake of emotions...remember emotions are not always right..they can be passionate but not right....sometimes your parents can reject the truth that your husband is a good man for their own personal reasons(as i said they are vulnerable to wrong decisions) and will cry for that...will you just ignore the truth and go towards your parents just for the sake of appeasing them.

It is wrong if tears come as a result of us doing wrong but not wrong if it comes as a result of personal assumption and ignoring the truth. Remember akka, if you choose to make decisions based on others then your rejecting your own human right to choose and make your decision. :D

[MADDY]

This is the story of one of my seniors

Her's was love marriage WITH the consent of the elders.......they did not like it but they agreed........after the marriage she went into torture........and even now she has NO support from her husband the person she "loved"........now she repents.....her parents had adviced her many times she did not listen.and even the loved guy is not on her side.......... so who's the sufferer here? love marriage with consent

my frnd had an arranged marriage......she got proposals from so many handsome/good guys - including urs truly :oops: ........but she was intent on marrying the person her parents see......she married and that guy turns out to be a "amma-adimai" ..... :rotfl: ......and her maamiar is so dominating.... :evil: ......she decides on the venue of their dates :hammer: .........eppa enna sollura idhukku?? :poke:

also, can we discuss abt sex life and how it is vital for a good marriage life , here?? :yessir:

[Hulkster]

This is the story of one of my seniors

Her's was love marriage WITH the consent of the elders.......they did not like it but they agreed........after the marriage she went into torture........and even now she has NO support from her husband the person she "loved"........now she repents.....her parents had adviced her many times she did not listen.and even the loved guy is not on her side.......... so who's the sufferer here? love marriage with consent

This one depends on whether we make the correct decisions...nothing to do with parents consenting or not..there have been arranged marriages where the groom/bride has been a tormenting human being. A marriage can only be successful based on understanding...no use if the love is one side or understanding comes from one side....your senior's story is a result of lack of understanding each other deeply...if she had loved him understanding his character properly such consequences might have been avoided...but sentimentally and with hope that he will support her she just went on with him...loads of people make that mistake :cry:

[Hulkster]

As parents...if we bring up our children teaching them how to make decisions and when they reach a point when they are ready to stand on their own...we should let them take the lead with us helping when they are in need of advice....when we bring up our children like this even if they make the wrong decisions we can easily talk it out and wunt have such hard feelings and if our children choose their own partner we wunt have problems accepting...but if we just bring up with love without understanding their needs and ignoring their rights then it will only lead to problems and hardness to accept their decisions later on :D

[Wibha]

my frnd had an arranged marriage......she got proposals from so many handsome/good guys - including urs truly :oops: ........but she was intent on marrying the person her parents see......she married and that guy turns out to be a "amma-adimai" ..... :rotfl: ......and her maamiar is so dominating.... :evil: ......she decides on the venue of their dates :hammer: .........eppa enna sollura idhukku?? :poke:

also, can we discuss abt sex life and how it is vital for a good marriage life , here?? :yessir:

the husband is a nice guy.....so it's her mistake if she doesn't no how to make her husband support her........ it's not like the parents chose a completely wrong guy

[MADDY]

the husband is a nice guy.....so it's her mistake if she doesn't no how to make her husband support her........ it's not like the parents chose a completely wrong guy

but when u marry someone - ur marrying his family - okvaaa :D ......i wanted to stress that, even arranged marriages has flaws....sometimes, u r left helpless......

[Shakthiprabha.]

my frnd had an arranged marriage......she got proposals from so many handsome/good guys - including urs truly :oops: ........but she was intent on marrying the person her parents see......she married and that guy turns out to be a "amma-adimai" ..... :rotfl: ......and her maamiar is so dominating.... :evil: ......she decides on the venue of their dates :hammer: .........eppa enna sollura idhukku?? :poke:

also, can we discuss abt sex life and how it is vital for a good marriage life , here?? :yessir:

the husband is a nice guy.....so it's her mistake if she doesn't no how to make her husband support her........ it's not like the parents chose a completely wrong guy

wibha kutti,

:lol: ithelaam nee ninaikara alavu easy illa mma :D

[MADDY]

my frnd had an arranged marriage......she got proposals from so many handsome/good guys - including urs truly :oops: ........but she was intent on marrying the person her parents see......she married and that guy turns out to be a "amma-adimai" ..... :rotfl: ......and her maamiar is so dominating.... :evil: ......she decides on the venue of their dates :hammer: .........eppa enna sollura idhukku?? :poke:

also, can we discuss abt sex life and how it is vital for a good marriage life , here?? :yessir:

the husband is a nice guy.....so it's her mistake if she doesn't no how to make her husband support her........ it's not like the parents chose a completely wrong guy

wibha kutti,

:lol: ithelaam nee ninaikara alavu easy illa mma :D

she thinks evryting is possible.... :poke: .....she doesent understand that family life is a very complex puzzle......... :lol: ....u know satkhiakka - andha payyan, TV-la channel change panradhu kooda ammava kaettu pannuraan...."amma cricket match paakalaama" :rotfl: ......and no exaggerations from my side, maa kasam....... :D .....paavam yen frnd-u - :poke:

[Shakthiprabha.]

maddy,

:banghead:

Its so painful from the girl's point of view. In our society, All she can do is QUIETLY GRIN AND PUT UP with it, because HE SEEM TO BE FLAWLESS in every other way :roll:

[Wibha]

my frnd had an arranged marriage......she got proposals from so many handsome/good guys - including urs truly :oops: ........but she was intent on marrying the person her parents see......she married and that guy turns out to be a "amma-adimai" ..... :rotfl: ......and her maamiar is so dominating.... :evil: ......she decides on the venue of their dates :hammer: .........eppa enna sollura idhukku?? :poke:

also, can we discuss abt sex life and how it is vital for a good marriage life , here?? :yessir:

the husband is a nice guy.....so it's her mistake if she doesn't no how to make her husband support her........ it's not like the parents chose a completely wrong guy

wibha kutti,

:lol: ithelaam nee ninaikara alavu easy illa mma :D

yes i no that.........but y can't she fight for her rights? :banghead:

its' HER husband.......

[Wibha]

she thinks evryting is possible.... :poke: .....she doesent understand that family life is a very complex puzzle......... :lol: ....u know satkhiakka - andha payyan, TV-la channel change panradhu kooda ammava kaettu pannuraan...."amma cricket match paakalaama" :rotfl: ......and no exaggerations from my side, maa kasam....... :D .....paavam yen frnd-u - :poke:

there is NOTHING IMPOSSIBLE :poke:

and family is not a complex puzzle. WE make it complex......we exaggerate everything in a small family..........

[littlemaster1982]

my frnd had an arranged marriage......she got proposals from so many handsome/good guys - including urs truly :oops: ........but she was intent on marrying the person her parents see......she married and that guy turns out to be a "amma-adimai" ..... :rotfl: ......and her maamiar is so dominating.... :evil: ......she decides on the venue of their dates :hammer: .........eppa enna sollura idhukku?? :poke:

also, can we discuss abt sex life and how it is vital for a good marriage life , here?? :yessir:

the husband is a nice guy.....so it's her mistake if she doesn't no how to make her husband support her........ it's not like the parents chose a completely wrong guy

wibha kutti,

:lol: ithelaam nee ninaikara alavu easy illa mma :D

yes i no that.........but y can't she fight for her rights? :banghead:

its' HER husband.......

Fight for rights?!!!! :shock: :shock: The girl got married with lot of dreams and hopes and she has to fight for even changing the TV Channel :shock:

What made you think that the guy is nice :confused2: If the guy had understood his wife, she doesn't have to suffer. There is no point in fighting for these basic things, IMO.

[Wibha]

LM i didn't THINK but i was TOLD that the GUY is very nice and had only one negative point.- amma's chellam :P

[littlemaster1982]

You were told?!!! I read Maddy's post again, but I didn's see anything like that. In your POV, a guy who doesn't respect his wife's feelings just because he doesn't want to disobey his mom, is OK and the poor girl has to fight for her rights :shock:. Baffling!!!

[Wibha]

You were told?!!! I read Maddy's post again, but I didn's see anything like that. In your POV, a guy who doesn't respect his wife's feelings just because he doesn't want to disobey his mom, is OK and the poor girl has to fight for her rights :shock:. Baffling!!!

LM after maddy comes clarify with him if the guy is a nice one or not :P .....i didn't tell him NOT to disobey his mom.all i say is he has a wife too who is supposed to be given importance and the same equality.......even in a family everything is equal.......if she is not ready to make her husband do s'thing she wants then she should not complain about him being a mom's pet

[MADDY]

she thinks evryting is possible.... :poke: .....she doesent understand that family life is a very complex puzzle......... :lol: ....u know satkhiakka - andha payyan, TV-la channel change panradhu kooda ammava kaettu pannuraan...."amma cricket match paakalaama" :rotfl: ......and no exaggerations from my side, maa kasam....... :D .....paavam yen frnd-u - :poke:

there is NOTHING IMPOSSIBLE :poke:

and family is not a complex puzzle. WE make it complex......we exaggerate everything in a small family..........

ok, u think we make it complex......fine........how will u - help out my frnd in her case??? :lol2: ......how will she change that guy from his mom's grip???......a guy who changes TV channels on his mom's orders - :huh: .....

keeping a rigid rule like "only arranged marriage whom my mom sees" doesent help, is my point......she is paying for missing out on good guys.... :lol2: .......

also, i dont think u havent seen life of a woman, whose husband is a amma-jalra and how tuf it is for her.........i have seen it and lived with it...:cry:

[littlemaster1982]

OK Let Maddy come and clarify a bit. See you later :)

[Shakthiprabha.]

Fighting for rights is not as easy as u type.

It leads to bickerings, misunderstandings, broken hearts, tears, rift, ego clashes :) And those my dears, are the least effects expected :)

[Wibha]

Fighting for rights is not as easy as u type.

It leads to bickerings, misunderstandings, broken hearts, tears, rift, ego clashes :) And those my dears, are the least effects expected :)

true but there's no success without effort..........to gain something u've to lose something...no pains no gains :D

[MADDY]

Fighting for rights is not as easy as u type.

It leads to bickerings, misunderstandings, broken hearts, tears, rift, ego clashes :) And those my dears, are the least effects expected :)

true but there's no success without effort..........to gain something u've to lose something

wibha , even if the girl shows a bit of dissent towards domination - she'll be branded a "adavadi" , then wheres the question of "fighitng" for rights??? and if my frnd changes that guy to answer back his mom - that'll cause a much bigger reaction from her in-laws side........by doing all this, arent u coming abck to square1?? fighting, quarell, ego clashes, cold war...... :huh: ....wheres ur happy and peaceful life?? :huh:

in such cases, the girl has to let them dominate, no other go...... :cry: ......just ignore it and move on and just pray that their domination doesent reach heights.....thats it....

also, the arguement was about -Love marriage or arranged marriage - arent we seeing problems in arranged marriage?? :huh: .........please dont say - "hardowrk pays" , "consistency is the key" and all those BS..... :lol: idhu onnum exam illa - idhu life.......

[villan007]

please dont say - "hardowrk pays" , "consistency is the key" and all those BS..... :lol: idhu onnum exam illa - idhu life.......

:rotfl2:

[Wibha]

Fighting for rights is not as easy as u type.

It leads to bickerings, misunderstandings, broken hearts, tears, rift, ego clashes :) And those my dears, are the least effects expected :)

true but there's no success without effort..........to gain something u've to lose something

wibha , even if the girl shows a bit of dissent towards domination - she'll be branded a "adavadi" , then wheres the question of "fighitng" for rights??? and if my frnd changes that guy to answer back his mom - that'll cause a much bigger reaction from her in-laws side........by doing all this, arent u coming abck to square1?? fighting, quarell, ego clashes, cold war...... :huh: ....wheres ur happy and peaceful life?? :huh:

in such cases, the girl has to let them dominate, no other go...... :cry: ......just ignore it and move on and just pray that their domination doesent reach heights.....thats it....

also, the arguement was about -Love marriage or arranged marriage - arent we seeing problems in arranged marriage?? :huh: .........please dont say - "hardowrk pays" , "consistency is the key" and all those BS..... :lol: idhu onnum exam illa - idhu life.......

maddy then all marriages have the same issues............... love marriage they dont' care about family........arranged marriages they care........BS is not telling hardwork pays and stuff if that's all you no then......

[thamizhvaanan]

lol.. didn wibha mention a case wherein LOVE marriage failed maddy? :huh:

the issue dat u are talking abt is just an ego issue. Girls are so possesive that they feel egoistic about their man. Not getting to watch a TV channel that u wish is just a sappa matter :lol2: .

But losing one's life to a poor selection isnt. As sudhama pointed out, there has been numerous instances of failure in LOVe marriages. What abt that?

[MADDY]

maddy then all marriages have the same issues............... love marriage they dont' care about family........arranged marriages they care........BS is not telling hardwork pays and stuff if that's all you no then......

thats my point - All marriages have flaws :lol2: .......isnt it??? then how is "arranged marriage" better??? just bcos we are satisfying our parents' egos by marrying a person from the same caste and religion - is it great??? :huh: ......just bcos, we let our parents say proudly "yaen ponnu/payyan, yen pechha meerave maattanga"- is it great - serious BS.........take it from me........ :lol:

theres no way in this world, u can decide ur life partner over a coffee/sojji/bajji and in front of 15 silk saree clad aunties and 20 white dhoti uncles :lol: ...........

who cares about what in arranged marriages?? :huh: ........enga akkava arranged marriage-dhaan panni kuduthhom.......avanga naalaikku(god forsakes), problem-nnu vandhu ninna - enga amma rendu sottu kanneer, ava maamiarukku rendu saabam, enga apppa - rendu word vetti advise , naan - "it happens,,,,chill" .......aaana, she ultimately will face the music....:cry: ....a girls' feelings are never cared in arranged marriage setup...... :cry: .........

Root of the problem is choice making ..............girls need to choose a guy who is smart and respects girls's feelings.......neenga enga - HP-a, IBM-a, Intel-a, Infy-a nnu dhaan paakkareenga........namma jaadhikkaarana?? :banghead: ...........

we need to come up with better ways to choose partners :D .....one that is followed in mumbai is good..... :thumbsup: ...will post if ppl. need details :wink:

[Wibha]

who cares about what in arranged marriages?? :huh: ........enga akkava arranged marriage-dhaan panni kuduthhom.......avanga naalaikku(god forsakes), problem-nnu vandhu ninna - enga amma rendu sottu kanneer, ava maamiarukku rendu saabam, enga apppa - rendu word vetti advise , naan - "it happens,,,,chill" .......aaana, she ultimately will face the music....:cry: ....a girls' feelings are never cared in arranged marriage setup...... :cry: .........


arranged marriages-la oru sottu kanner vidavaathu yaarathu irupaa.......love marriage la adhu kooda kidaiyathu

[villan007]

we need to come up with better ways to choose partners :D .....one that is followed in mumbai is good..... :thumbsup: ...will post if ppl. need details :wink:

sollungo 8-)

[villan007]

arranged marriages-la oru sottu kanner vidavaathu yaarathu irupaa.......love marriage la adhu kooda kidaiyathu

kanneer vitta enna use ? prachnai theerndhuduma ? :lol:

[littlemaster1982]

who cares about what in arranged marriages?? :huh: ........enga akkava arranged marriage-dhaan panni kuduthhom.......avanga naalaikku(god forsakes), problem-nnu vandhu ninna - enga amma rendu sottu kanneer, ava maamiarukku rendu saabam, enga apppa - rendu word vetti advise , naan - "it happens,,,,chill" .......aaana, she ultimately will face the music....:cry: ....a girls' feelings are never cared in arranged marriage setup...... :cry: .........


arranged marriages-la oru sottu kanner vidavaathu yaarathu irupaa.......love marriage la adhu kooda kidaiyathu

What is the use of "oru sottu kanneer". will it solve all the problems :huh:

[Shakthiprabha.]

who cares about what in arranged marriages?? :huh: ........enga akkava arranged marriage-dhaan panni kuduthhom.......avanga naalaikku(god forsakes), problem-nnu vandhu ninna - enga amma rendu sottu kanneer, ava maamiarukku rendu saabam, enga apppa - rendu word vetti advise , naan - "it happens,,,,chill" .......aaana, she ultimately will face the music....:cry: ....a girls' feelings are never cared in arranged marriage setup...... :cry: .........


arranged marriages-la oru sottu kanner vidavaathu yaarathu irupaa.......love marriage la adhu kooda kidaiyathu

MISCONCEPTIONS with captal M

[littlemaster1982]

Pangaali, what a coincidence :thumbsup:

[Wibha]

appona marriage-ea pannika mudiyathu........... :poke: Am's u have moral support which is MORE than enough unlike LM's where there is nothing........

SOMETHING is ALWAYS BETTER THAN NOTHING

[villan007]

Pangaali, what a coincidence :thumbsup:

yea :notworthy:

[Shakthiprabha.]

TV,

What is a failure?

JUST THE NO. OF DIVORCES?

or..

THE UNHAPPINESS within the family, inspite of it, they try to pull on mechanically.

ITS EQUAL with both marriages.

BOTH marriages ALSO PULL ON, MECHANICALLY.

In my term, WHERE HAPPINESS FAILS, despite efforts, ITS A FAILURE.

so dont just count on DIVORCES.

Also, divorces are increasingly happening with equal competition wiht ARRANGED MARRIAGES too

[thamizhvaanan]

neenga enga - HP-a, IBM-a, Intel-a, Infy-a nnu dhaan paakkareenga........namma jaadhikkaarana??

we need to come up with better ways to choose partners :lol: ya, choose based on wether he is from HP, IBM, Intel or Infy, in that order :lol2:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Wibha,

Who told u PPL DONT SUPORT LOVE MARRIAGE DROP OFFS?

Who told u ppl shed tears on arranged marriage failures?

you talk about EARLY 20TH century where ppl look down upon love marriage and PARENTS WASH THEIR HANDS OFF.

Try to look around urself and SEE whats happening in the current century.

[villan007]

appona marriage-ea pannika mudiyathu........... :poke: Am's u have moral support which is MORE than enough unlike LM's where there is nothing........

SOMETHING is ALWAYS BETTER THAN NOTHING

aana Arranged marriage ku financial support venum.. illaya ?

dowry :lol2:

[MADDY]

we need to come up with better ways to choose partners :D .....one that is followed in mumbai is good..... :thumbsup: ...will post if ppl. need details :wink:

sollungo 8-)

i dunno if its prevelantly followed.....my frnd hails from UP but settled in Mumbai.........their system of choosing girls is like this....

they get a proposal from known people/portals........check whether they are compatible in terms of status.......parents will contact each other.......then, if they are satisfied, they let girl and boy talk.......they give 15 days-1month for the boy and girl to arrive at a decision...:clap:......the boy and girl talk over the phone, go out, hang out etc etc :lol2: .........that makes million times sense over our setup.......the key factor here is "time"....idhuvum arranged marriage dhaan - aana andha 15 days,1 monthla love panna oru feelingum irukku :D

[Shakthiprabha.]

we need to come up with better ways to choose partners :D .....one that is followed in mumbai is good..... :thumbsup: ...will post if ppl. need details :wink:

sollungo 8-)

i dunno if its prevelantly followed.....my frnd hails from UP but settled in Mumbai.........their system of choosing girls is like this....

they get a proposal from known people/portals........check whether they are compatible in terms of status.......parents will contact each other.......then, if they are satisfied, they let girl and boy talk.......they give 15 days-1month for the boy and girl to arrive at a decision...:clap:......the boy and girl talk over the phone, go out, hang out etc etc :lol2: .........that makes million times sense over our setup.......the key factor here is "time"....idhuvum arranged marriage dhaan - aana andha 15 days,1 monthla love panna oru feelingum irukku :D

Maddy,

THIS PRECISELY is what happens in arranged marriages which is increasingly turning sensible in our south community too (atleast offlate)

[Wibha]

appona marriage-ea pannika mudiyathu........... :poke: Am's u have moral support which is MORE than enough unlike LM's where there is nothing........

SOMETHING is ALWAYS BETTER THAN NOTHING

aana Arranged marriage ku financial support venum.. illaya ?

dowry :lol2:

for ur info love marriages also have dowry problem :)

[Shakthiprabha.]

I like the way wibha argues WITHOUT BATTING HER EYE LASHES TO THE SAY THE LEAST AND without EVER GIVING UP :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Ramakrishna]

appona marriage-ea pannika mudiyathu........... :poke: Am's u have moral support which is MORE than enough unlike LM's where there is nothing........

SOMETHING is ALWAYS BETTER THAN NOTHING

aana Arranged marriage ku financial support venum.. illaya ?

dowry :lol2:

for ur info love marriages also have dowry problem :)

In this case, the problem is for men :lol2: Necklace vaangikudunga, ring vaangi kudunga-nnu pudichu torture panniduvaanga :wink:

[thamizhvaanan]

SP,

Here is my main concern. When you go in for LOVE marriages, the burden of choosing the right partner rests with the individual right? At what age do you think an individual will be best equipped to make the right decision? I am sure if love marriage trend is encouraged, there will be a lot of marriages at young age and consequently a lot of poor choices. I beleive, in such marriages it is the women who become much gullible.

Young age women are very susceptible to make poor decisions, especially in their post teens and early twenties. I have seen that myself personally. LEt me say it blandly that , i have seen girls of my age group being fooled into PMS so easily. And it is not a huge leap from there to an immature marriage.

:?

[MADDY]

I like the way wibha argues WITHOUT BATTING HER EYE LASHES TO THE SAY THE LEAST AND without EVER GIVING UP :lol: :lol: :lol:

thats irritating FYI - :hammer: - love marriage-la dowry problem-a?? :lol:

wibha, i dunno abt others , but i'm not against arranged marriages........even u know, i'm going to have one :lol2: .......but the fact i'm worried is "choice making" ability of girls and our current selection procedure......dont tell me, that is also perfect.......u've got to accept there are flaws in this selction thingy....:hammer: .......

SP akka - super :D ........yes, love marriages are no more taboo in our society.........parents understand these things much better nowadays.....and arranged marriages are not all that perfect as ppl. portray it to be.........:clap: .......so, we have to get the root cause of such problems - our own choices...... :D

[Shakthiprabha.]

TV,

What makes u think individual can make right decision after 25?
Madness can happen anytime at any age.

LOVE can make u blind so easily at ANY AGE.

Extra marital affairs are examples to show, PPL GO INSANE at any age.

I agree pre 20 decision may be wrong. but after 20, any individual's brain is equipped enough to think pros and cons.

Thats also why I insist, IT SHOULD BE WITH THE CONSENT OF PARENTS (the marriage I mean)

U CHOOSE, take OPINIONS ALONE.

not

THEY CHOOSE AND take ur opinion

whose life is it anyway?

and...

PMS syndrome, depends a LOT ON BRINGING UP AND values of individual. Not whether u fall in love or go for arranged marriages.

LOVE HERE, not necessarily mean, TAKING THE FREEDOM AND LIBERTY for PMS.

IF they do, AGAIN CONSEQUENCES faced by women alone biologically, emotionally, and physically is vulnerable.... (leave the good for nothing society's comments)

ANY LOVE, before 20 SHOULD WAIT to see how it blooms after 20.

ANY LOVE, before marriage ITS BETTER WAIT and think before entering into PMS.

Else if u are TOO LIBERAL and have different social values, USE SAFETY MEASURES :?

[thamizhvaanan]

neenga "wait" "after 25 " nu ellaam solreenga.. but how many ppl do u think have the patience?

What i am saying is that, just like how PMS happens in a rush, a decision to marry can also arise in a moment of insanity. I dont agree with AM completely too ... but i am jost pointing out the pitfalls in blindly supporting LM'es.

Seems that there is no middle grounds :(

[MADDY]

TV,

What makes u think individual can make right decision after 25?
Madness can happen anytime at any age.

LOVE can make u blind so easily at ANY AGE.

Extra marital affairs are examples to show, PPL GO INSANE at any age.

I agree pre 20 decision may be wrong. but after 20, any individual's brain is equipped enough to think pros and cons.

Thats also why I insist, IT SHOULD BE WITH THE CONSENT OF PARENTS (the marriage I mean)

U CHOOSE, take OPINIONS ALONE.

not

THEY CHOOSE AND take ur opinion

whose life is it anyway?

and...

PMS syndrome, depends a LOT ON BRINGING UP AND values of individual. Not whether u fall in love or go for arranged marriages.

LOVE HERE, not necessarily mean, TAKING THE FREEDOM AND LIBERTY for PMS.

IF they do, AGAIN CONSEQUENCES faced by women alone biologically, emotionally, and physically is vulnerable.... (leave the good for nothing society's comments)

ANY LOVE, before 20 SHOULD WAIT to see how it blooms after 20.

ANY LOVE, before marriage ITS BETTER WAIT and think before entering into PMS.

Else if u are TOO LIBERAL and have different social values, USE SAFETY MEASURES :?

super - :clap: ...bang on.....arranged marriages are sometimes like - u marry for the sake of it.......... :roll: ............

PMS - adhu thimuru pudichha ponnunga pannuradhu..........naa romba azhagunnu nenappu irukkuravanga pannuradhu.... :evil: ........also, bcos they prefer smart-bad guys than a boring-good guy.....again, problem of choice.....this is just for girls from families who are conventional........

for girls from liberal families - it just doesent matter.... :oops:

[Shakthiprabha.]

neenga "wait" "after 25 " nu ellaam solreenga.. but how many ppl do u think have the patience?

What i am saying is that, just like how PMS happens in a rush, a decision to marry can also arise in a moment of insanity. I dont agree with AM completely too ... but i am jost pointing out the pitfalls in blindly supporting LM'es.

Seems that there is no middle grounds :(


I dont deny this.
I completely agree.

My point is that, THOUGH there are pitfalls in both, LOGICALLY, choosing our partner by ourself seems sensible.

tv,

WRONG THINGS happen in indian society too. IT MAY BE less in number BECAUSE OF SOCIAL PRESSURE, not because of moral pressure :roll:

I would say lot of ppl here are hypocrites.

[littlemaster1982]

TV,

I guess most of us here are not supporting Love Marriages blindly. As you said both are having its own advantages and disadvantages.

Think about mature lads and girls who could make their own decision but are bound to parent's wish and getting married for the sake of it :)

[Shakthiprabha.]

Maddy,

PMS need not happen with BEAUTIFUL GIRLS/ handsome guys, it lot of times happen with GIRLS WHO DONT FEEL they are beautiful, or men who feel they are not attractive or handsome, go for PMS JUST TO SATE THEIR EGO, WHEN they find that someone actually is excited or attracted about them.

are we deviating from topic :?

[tvsankar]

Inraiya nilaiyil,

Arranged or love marriage - paarents should support the gal and guy.

Inraiya nilaiyil,

Girl or Guy - yarum yarai depend pannara nilaiyil illai.

Mathavangalai adjust seiya theiryum ivangaluku.
Ana HUsband and Wife relationship la avvalava theiryalai.Ego clash varadhu.

So, Irandu side parents um thalli irundhu. ivanga understandinga kudumbam nadha kathu kodukanam.Engahum periyavanga IMPORTANAT aga iruka kudadhu.Idhu dhan inraiya periyavanga kathuka vendiya oru vishayam...

[Anoushka]

Interesting topic :)

Love marriage or arranged marriage - for it to work I think the couple should work at it... and no one else can help!