MARRIAGE ...Aspects & PROBLEMS.!

[dsath]

:omg:
17 pages in 3 days.
I think the notion that arranged marriages are more successful is wrong. If our society allows it, then the number of people who would opt out of unhappy marriage would be many.
Also the current trend of love marriages is :banghead: . I have seen only 2 'mature love' marriages within close friends and family and a handful more in my friends circle and am not at all impressed with the way they married. Of course there are exceptions.

In one of those marriages (with the consent of parents) , no dowry was 'asked', but was automatically understood that the girl's parents should give gifts equivalent or more than the other DIL of the family. What was really :evil: abt it was that the guy involved made sure that the gifts would be more than the other DIL. He did this to prove that his choice was no less than his brother's. What rubbish. I feel sorry for the girl.

And as to the concept that girls/parents choose their partners based on their occupation - i don't find anything wrong in that. It is natural selection. Its natural for a female (no matter the species) to choose a strong male to ensure the survival of the next generation. Thats the reason why the male of the species are generally good looking in the animal world. In the human species fortunately or unfortunately this is reversed and hence it becomes mandatory for males to equip themselves to attract the opposite sex. In this time and age it is the nature of the job the male does that is attractive. Its called survival.

[Anoushka]

In one of those marriages (with the consent of parents) , no dowry was 'asked', but was automatically understood that the girl's parents should give gifts equivalent or more than the other DIL of the family. What was really :evil: abt it was that the guy involved made sure that the gifts would be more than the other DIL. He did this to prove that his choice was no less than his brother's. What rubbish. I feel sorry for the girl.

If I was in that girl's place, I would have walked out! I have seen cases like this too! And I've always wondered if a guy can't even take care of his wife at this stage, why get married at all?

As you said the current trend of love marriages seem to be silly! I know of a case, where the couple were married for five years (love marriage), and then one fine day the girl came back from a business trip and wanted divorce because she fell in love with another guy!

[littlemaster1982]

Anou,

In the example you have cited, it is nothing to do with arranged or love marriage. It is the problem with that individual. I can't say this is because of love marriage.

[Anoushka]

Anou,

In the example you have cited, it is nothing to do with arranged or love marriage. It is the problem with that individual. I can't say this is because of love marriage. LM: I agree with you on that, check my previous post...

I am not against either love marriage or arranged marriage. Each one can chose what suits them!

I should have been more clear... what I feel is that most youngsters think physical attraction as love these days! That is one of the reasons why love marriages fail.

FYI mine is a love marriage! :) Both our families had no problems what so ever - different caste, different languages, etc because both of us were mature enough and knew exactly what we were getting into! His family knew me before we decided to get married and they were happy with me. My parents knew about him through me though they hadn't seen him, they were happy about him.

Till date, both our parents are happy with our selection and no complaints with us as well :)

[Shakthiprabha.]

As you said the current trend of love marriages seem to be silly! I know of a case, where the couple were married for five years (love marriage), and then one fine day the girl came back from a business trip and wanted divorce because she fell in love with another guy!

It happens with ANYONE anou... why quote love or arranged.

ppl have become increasingly selfish/confused masses with ethics varying and oscilatting to extremes from person to person.

[littlemaster1982]

Anou,

In the example you have cited, it is nothing to do with arranged or love marriage. It is the problem with that individual. I can't say this is because of love marriage. LM: I agree with you on that, check my previous post...

I am not against either love marriage or arranged marriage. Each one can chose what suits them!

I should have been more clear... what I feel is that most youngsters think physical attraction as love these days! That is one of the reasons why love marriages fail.

FYI mine is a love marriage! :) Both our families had no problems what so ever - different caste, different languages, etc because both of us were mature enough and knew exactly what we were getting into! His family knew me before we decided to get married and they were happy with me. My parents knew about him through me though they hadn't seen him, they were happy about him.

Till date, both our parents are happy with our selection and no complaints with us as well :)

Anou :clap: I'm supporting these kind of marriages. As i replied to TV earlier, I m not supporting love marriages blindly :yes:

[dsath]

If I was in that girl's place, I would have walked out! I have seen cases like this too! And I've always wondered if a guy can't even take care of his wife at this stage, why get married at all?


:exactly:
They are happily married and have 2 children now. But still i think he didn't deserve her at all. The poor girl bends to accommodate the in-laws and is always at the receiving end of the pin pricks from the MIL's tongue. Her MIL is still not able to accept it although she has given consent to their marriage. That is another load of rubbish.
That incident and one of my friend's marriage made me wary of the so called 'love marriages'.

[Nakeeran]

FYI mine is a love marriage! :) Both our families had no problems what so ever - different caste, different languages, etc because both of us were mature enough and knew exactly what we were getting into! His family knew me before we decided to get married and they were happy with me. My parents knew about him through me though they hadn't seen him, they were happy about him.

Till date, both our parents are happy with our selection and no complaints with us as well :)

Nice ! Mutual consent 8-) If everything is put in place before the marriage and if both the parties concerned are in sync with core issues, then its success !

[dsath]

It happens with ANYONE anou... why quote love or arranged.

ppl have become increasingly selfish/confused masses with ethics varying and oscilatting to extremes from person to person.
Absolutely and i feel that our movies esp the silly Tamil ones play an important role in this. The crap they show in the movie and songs is :evil: . And this crap has extended to TV also.

[dev]

Intha topic-aa evalo thadavai discuss panninalum, ppl still have loads to say...:)

[Roshan]

FYI mine is a love marriage! :) Both our families had no problems what so ever - different caste, different languages, etc because both of us were mature enough and knew exactly what we were getting into! His family knew me before we decided to get married and they were happy with me. My parents knew about him through me though they hadn't seen him, they were happy about him.



:clap: :clap: :clap:

Anou,

You are one of the very few who have impressed me a lot at hub level. And my respect for you has increased further after reading this. Love marriage-nA ippadithaan paNNanum. Great :thumbsup:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Intha topic-aa evalo thadavai discuss panninalum, ppl still have loads to say...:)

yes :D

[Shakthiprabha.]

It happens with ANYONE anou... why quote love or arranged.

ppl have become increasingly selfish/confused masses with ethics varying and oscilatting to extremes from person to person.
Absolutely and i feel that our movies esp the silly Tamil ones play an important role in this. The crap they show in the movie and songs is :evil: . And this crap has extended to TV also.

I agree.

Not necessarily tamil ones dsath. You should get to watch hindi serials... ..

rather NOT GET TO WATCH :)

[Nerd]

Whats PMS :?

[pavalamani pragasam]

Kushboo-vai kELunga! :lol:

[dsath]

Anou, i think inter state love marriages work much better. I am not sure why, but the inter-state love marriages that i have come across are successful one and don't involve gifts and such things. Your marriage increases my superstitious belief for sure.

Love or arranged, it's the individuals who make it a success or failure. I guess there is nothing wrong with either.
I echo TV's sentiments, if not for arranged marriage system the chances of me getting married are next to nil (no not nil, i would like to give myself the benefit of doubt).
:lol:

[Nerd]

Kushboo-vai kELunga! :lol:

:oops:
Thanks PP ma'am. Now a lot of posts make a lot of sense :lol:

[Shakthiprabha.]

dsath, anou , others,

Coming to think bout it logically,

I also feel INTERSTATE marraige works relatively well.

WHY DOES interstate marriage work? (if its with the same religion)

May be because OF COMMUNICATION GAP.. the conflicts get less :?

not sure...

[Nakeeran]

On INTERSTATE marriages being successful , IMO :

1. INTRA state are not that successful becaz, we are quite aware of the caste of the opposite sex and express our likes / dislikes ( most importantly, we tend to go deep into the roots of that particular caste and bring disgrace )

2. INTER state has no such issue bcaz we may not be quite aware of the caste dynamics of that state to which the particular caste is placed with.

For instance, a tamil man marrying a Bihari woman will not have issues .
but when a tamil man from xxxx caste tries to marry a woman from yyyyy caste, all issues come out !

[joe]

Dear all,

WHEN it comes to the QUESTION OF success in marriage....

THESE are the points I like to put forward.

* expectations regarding partners are almost NIL in arranged marriages.

* Hence whatever lil nice face they show, we get the happiness and get CONTENDED fast.

* EVEN if u are not happy, u try ur BEST to patch up, live for the sake of ur parents happiness or society.

in LOVE marriages

* expectations are TOO HIGH.

* any small swerving from the understanding takes a toss.

* since u are CONFIDENT taking decisions, U BREAK up with equal speed on any trivial matter, MOST DONT try to patch up or WORK the marriage out.

However,

LOVE marriages these days HAPPEN with sense. So, the partners themselves GIVE room for understanding to grow. It is not like olden days oF falling in love for looks, and romance and later repenting.

__

Having said all this,

BOTH marriages FAIL equally. (given a chance and freedom to call off without social pressure)

BOTH marriages have equal frustration.

BOTH marriages HAVE no difference aftter a year or so. (both sail in same boat, with similar love or understanding)

So, HAVING SEEN, the result of any marriage is SAME...

I only talk about HOW WE GET INTO A MARRIAGE (not its affer effect as its the same in every case)

HOW WE GET INTO IT?

without love with the idea of working out love?

or...

with love, with the idea of SUSTAINING love.

thats all.

HOW we get into a relationship is not very acceptable, for some of us, when it is arranged.

I find it similar to buying a house or fridge or tv, where we decide unanimously on the color, guarantee, status appeal, budget and the like.

LOVE is an emotion AND ITS IS QUITE surprising that IT COULD BE BOUGHT and developed.

Having said this I still feel, BOTH MARRIAGES HAVE FLAWS and DO NOT WORK OUT later date UNLESS both AGREE TO ADJUST AND COMPROMISE.

whatever be the marriage.

COMPROMISE/ADJUSTMENT are the two main mantras added with a potion of love and understanding.

Excellent Points :clap:

[Raikkonen]

i think love marriage brings the best out of individuals.. it happened to my brother.. i have no time to talk about that now.. i'll discuss on this subject on friday.. :lol:

[selvakumar]

19 pages :lol:
This thread should be ideally under MISC SECTION. But Hubbers Lounge is emerging as a serious competitor to MISC SECTION :lol:

[Anoushka]

Anou, i think inter state love marriages work much better. I am not sure why, but the inter-state love marriages that i have come across are successful one and don't involve gifts and such things. Your marriage increases my superstitious belief for sure.

Love or arranged, it's the individuals who make it a success or failure. I guess there is nothing wrong with either.
I echo TV's sentiments, if not for arranged marriage system the chances of me getting married are next to nil (no not nil, i would like to give myself the benefit of doubt).
:lol:

Thanks Nakeeran & LM :)

Dsath: I agee with you that it is the individuals that make a marriage a success or a failure!

In our case it is working because neither of us believe in caste or relegion. Both of us would happily go to a church, a jain temple or a gurudwara. Even if we were from different religions I think it would have worked, because neither of us force anything on each other!

For e.g. I eat non-veg and he is a pure vegetarian. I've never asked him to eat what he doesn't like and I don't cook NV at home when he is around. At the same time, he would buy chicken nuggets /fish fingers, etc without me asking and leave it in the freezer for me!

And as for communication being a problem (or a problem solver as Shakthi mentions), it doesn't work in my case! I learnt Kannada before we got married and my hubby knew Tamizh (from his short stint in Madras). And my in-laws and my parents communicate with each other with a little bit of Tamizh, Kannada, Hindi and English :lol: They call each other up regularly. My sister-in-law makes it a point to call my parents and wish them for all festivals, they (SIL & fly) even went and spent a week with my Dad in Kochi for a holiday last year!

[Shakthiprabha.]

The plain point we observe after reading anou's post is...

MATURITY and WIDER perspective from BOTH the partners is necessary.

anou, :thumbsup:

[kb]

LOVE marriage VS ARRANGED marriage

it all depends on Marriage..

those who are successful in love does not imply that they will be successful in marriage :roll:

many may say the negative point in arranged marriage is that it will decided over a cup of coffee..

but most of the love blossoms in first sight or few days that too without knowing much about the girl.

the real thing is when a person loves.. he knows that he had made the decision and tries his best to make that love successful.

but in arranged marriage.. when a problem arises he/she will try to blame the parents .. this will lead to failure of most of arranged marriages.



:?

[podalangai]

NOPES. Its not difficult. Not as much as its hyped about.
I'm speaking from my own experience, not hypothetically. Some organisations are very good, but you can't always choose which organisation you go through, and the government encourages them to be less accomodating.

[Shakthiprabha.]

NOPES. Its not difficult. Not as much as its hyped about.
I'm speaking from my own experience, not hypothetically. Some organisations are very good, but you can't always choose which organisation you go through, and the government encourages them to be less accomodating.

I am talking from my own experience too podalangai .

Its not DIFFICULT. You need to do the right thing, get in touch with the right person.
Where there is a will, there is a way!

[podalangai]

theres no way in this world, u can decide ur life partner over a coffee/sojji/bajji and in front of 15 silk saree clad aunties and 20 white dhoti uncles :lol: ...........
And you think you can choose your life partner over a few cups of coffee every day over a period of a few years? Love marriage or arranged marriage, believe me, there're mountains of stuff - vital stuff - you won't even begin to know about your chosen partner until you tie the knot and start sharing every aspect of your daily lives. Unless you go into a marriage expecting that, you'll be hit with many a rude shock. And if you go into a marriage expecting that, it doesn't really make much of a difference if the person's someone you've known for twenty minutes or twenty months. What matters is how much time you as an individual need in order to feel comfortable that this person is someone with whom - and for whom - you are willing to take on the unknown. And this depends entirely on the individual.

[podalangai]

I am talking from my own experience too podalangai .

Its not DIFFICULT. You need to do the right thing, get in touch with the right person.
Where there is a will, there is a way!
I'm glad it worked out well for you. It didn't for me. Anyway, I'm not interested in debating this further.

[Rocky_]

- Never Mind...Question has already been answered- :P

[pavalamani pragasam]

theres no way in this world, u can decide ur life partner over a coffee/sojji/bajji and in front of 15 silk saree clad aunties and 20 white dhoti uncles :lol: ...........
And you think you can choose your life partner over a few cups of coffee every day over a period of a few years? Love marriage or arranged marriage, believe me, there're mountains of stuff - vital stuff - you won't even begin to know about your chosen partner until you tie the knot and start sharing every aspect of your daily lives. Unless you go into a marriage expecting that, you'll be hit with many a rude shock. And if you go into a marriage expecting that, it doesn't really make much of a difference if the person's someone you've known for twenty minutes or twenty months. What matters is how much time you as an individual need in order to feel comfortable that this person is someone with whom - and for whom - you are willing to take on the unknown. And this depends entirely on the individual.


:clap: :clap: :clap: to podalangai! Absolutely true!

[Nerd]

And you think you can choose your life partner over a few cups of coffee every day over a period of a few years? Love marriage or arranged marriage, believe me, there're mountains of stuff - vital stuff - you won't even begin to know about your chosen partner until you tie the knot and start sharing every aspect of your daily lives. Unless you go into a marriage expecting that, you'll be hit with many a rude shock. And if you go into a marriage expecting that, it doesn't really make much of a difference if the person's someone you've known for twenty minutes or twenty months. What matters is how much time you as an individual need in order to feel comfortable that this person is someone with whom - and for whom - you are willing to take on the unknown. And this depends entirely on the individual.

Well if I know that girl for 3-4 years, I could learn a lot about her, right. Thats better than knowing her for just 6 months (after the engagement, that is). I will certainly have a fair idea about her since I have been going around with her for 3-4 years. Her likes dislikes etc.., I would have even given up a few of my habits that she doesnt like. On an arranged marriage it will take another 1+ year to do so and we both would have practically wasted that year trying to love each other, better :)

[thamiz]

Well, I dont know, the longer you intereact with each other will make the relationship better or stronger!

[kb]

love panna aaramitchitu.. othuvaralaina.. break-upa :roll:

[thamiz]

love panna aaramitchitu.. othuvaralaina.. break-upa :roll:

Yeah, there is a great chance for that too when the relationship is prolonging, right :?:

[kb]

for some /atleast for me.. love panni break-up aagurathu.. is equal to divorce.. athuku love pannama irrundhidalaam.

ippadi-ya evalavu vaati thaan love panni love panni breakup aagurathu..

love panni break-up aana niraiya pethuku theriyaathu.. aana marraige panni breakup aana ellarukum theriyum.. but the pain is same :?

btwn.. i am not so gud in these kinda emotinal and relational arguements :ashamed:

[Nerd]

Well, I dont know, the longer you intereact with each other will make the relationship better or stronger!

That is RIGHT. If I interact with a girl for a long time before marriage then obviously our married life will be better, right :P

[thamiz]

Well, I dont know, the longer you intereact with each other will make the relationship better or stronger!

That is RIGHT. If I interact with a girl for a long time before marriage then obviously our married life will be better, right :P

Nerd,

I think you know what you are doing when it comes to specific cases. But in general, you look at a spectrum of cases and it may not be the same as specific cases, right :?:

[Nerd]

Yes. But I dont think anyone can generalize this. I mean no one will know the ground reality in a spectrum of cases and all the posts in this thread are just opinions :)

[thamiz]

for some /atleast for me.. love panni break-up aagurathu.. is equal to divorce.. athuku love pannama irrundhidalaam.

ippadi-ya evalavu vaati thaan love panni love panni breakup aagurathu..

love panni break-up aana niraiya pethuku theriyaathu.. aana marraige panni breakup aana ellarukum theriyum.. but the pain is same :?

btwn.. i am not so gud in these kinda emotinal and relational arguements :ashamed:

Well, the probability for break-up is much more than divorces. So, you cant get away with it when you decided tp love and marry! :(

[Wibha]

theres no way in this world, u can decide ur life partner over a coffee/sojji/bajji and in front of 15 silk saree clad aunties and 20 white dhoti uncles :lol: ...........
And you think you can choose your life partner over a few cups of coffee every day over a period of a few years? Love marriage or arranged marriage, believe me, there're mountains of stuff - vital stuff - you won't even begin to know about your chosen partner until you tie the knot and start sharing every aspect of your daily lives. Unless you go into a marriage expecting that, you'll be hit with many a rude shock. And if you go into a marriage expecting that, it doesn't really make much of a difference if the person's someone you've known for twenty minutes or twenty months. What matters is how much time you as an individual need in order to feel comfortable that this person is someone with whom - and for whom - you are willing to take on the unknown. And this depends entirely on the individual.

:clap: :notworthy:

[Sudhaama]

Yes. But I dont think anyone can generalize this. I mean no one will know the ground reality in a spectrum of cases and all the posts in this thread are just opinions :)

No No.. my dear Friend...

May be yours is your opinion... And those of few others..

But please don't generalise all.

Unless I specifically pinpoint as my OPINION...

All...My postings here are... GROUND REALITIES... FACTS.
.

[kannannn]

.
. Most of the FAILURES are LOVE-MARRIAGES.!..Why?

Yes... the Present-days' Statistics... COMPARATIVELY states so. !!

Especially in India Now-a-days.!!... Why?
Mr. Sudhaama, I've been meaning to ask you this: How did you came across these statistics? Please let our fellow hubbers know the source and numbers from these statistics of yours.

[Sudhaama]

.
. Most of the FAILURES are LOVE-MARRIAGES.!..Why?

Yes... the Present-days' Statistics... COMPARATIVELY states so. !!

Especially in India Now-a-days.!!... Why?

Mr. Sudhaama, I've been meaning to ask you this: How did you came across these statistics? Please let our fellow hubbers know the source and numbers from these statistics of yours.

Dear "kannannn"

You can verify yourselves the heavy amount of Divorce-cases...

..for which One?... Arranged or Love Marriages?

.. That too within a short period of Marriage... which sort?

The News-reports have repeatedly CONFIRMED the fact that...

... COMPARATIVELY the FAILURES of Love-Marriages are very much more...

... alarmingly INCREASING DAY BY DAY...now-a-days.
.

[kannannn]

Dear Mr. Sudhaama, unfortunately I haven't been able to find any correlation between divorce rates and the type of marriage (much less from any news reports).

Divorce numbers are deceptively low in our country, partly since a majority of our population lives in villages and most of them don't go to courts. Another reason why divorce rates are low is that most women are still dependent on their spouses. The point is, the number of divorces is not the right parameter to judge the success or failure of any type of marriage in our country (Italy has a lower divorce rate than India. Does that mean the majority of Italian marriages is arranged?).

There is no problem in your supporting arranged marriages. But why report false news? I am sure everyone of us can come up with examples where both types of marriages have either worked or failed. I would instead be happy if you could give your reasons for why arranged marriage is the right thing to do.

[Shakthiprabha.]

Dear Mr. Sudhaama, unfortunately I haven't been able to find any correlation between divorce rates and the type of marriage (much less from any news reports).

Divorce numbers are deceptively low in our country, partly since a majority of our population lives in villages and most of them don't go to courts. Another reason why divorce rates are low is that most women are still dependent on their spouses. The point is, the number of divorces is not the right parameter to judge the success or failure of any type of marriage in our country (Italy has a lower divorce rate than India. Does that mean the majority of Italian marriages is arranged?).



:yes: :yes:

THAT is precisely what ive been trying to say in many of my posts.

Who ever feels, that DIVORCES only talk about FAILURES?

DIVORCES are blatant or VISIBLE failures.

Failures can otherwise be INVISIBLE and quietly lying like a serpant, in a SEEMINGLY GOOD AND HAPPY family.

[Sudhaama]

.
. FORGOTTEN Factor.!!.




// (Italy has a lower divorce rate than India. Does that mean the majority of Italian marriages is arranged?)//

Yes. Italy's culture is more or less similar to Indian... with due importance and respect to Elders and their advice.

It is the Catholic Religion based country. Where Divorce is not permitted by Law. Even Love-Marriages are rare and invariably gets converted into Arranged Marriage... by means of both the Parents consent.

Best Example.. Sonia Gandhi's marriage with Rajeev Gandhi.




//... I would instead be happy if you could give your reasons for why arranged marriage is the right thing to do.

I would not say... which sort is right or wrong... Both have its own unique advantages and disadvantages as well.

So the respective couple / families have to comparatively analyse and evaluate, as applicable to them and decide.

One Man's Food is another Man's Poison.

Both the systems are the approved ones... NOT ONLY BY LAW...

..but also by even the ancient Indian Epics.

For example, Krishna-Rukmini... Sakunthala-Dushyantha... Kacha-Devayani... Santhanu-Machagandhi... were Love-Marriages.

The Inter-caste Marriage of Gandhi's Son Devadas Gandhi with Rajaji's daughter.. was a Love-Marriage.

They were all Successful.. best Examples for Love-Marriage.

But my main point I want to highlight here is...

...all of you have... FORGOTTEN THE BASIC FACTOR... the CONCEPT.

(1) The Concept of Love-Marriage is that the couple like each other on some grounds.. which they may reveal or may not.

Only point they used to insist is that.."We Love each other.. So we cannot consider any other proposal...

...whatever high and better impressive the parallel offers may be"

Here mostly it is the BODILY BEAUTY-FACTOR... by which both get lured.

At the young age... it is the only attraction and criteria of consideration.

But is that factor alone enough to be the Succesful wife and Husband?.. May be, some Lovers exchange their thoughts of Likes and Dislikes. Such people may become GOOD FRIENDS...

.. but for shaping a family of Husband and Wife... there are more criteria of richer values...

...on which can the youngsters be able to consider?

The parents, especially the Mother knows which is the best suited food, relishable to her child.. any article to his taste... etc...

..better than the relevant Son himself.

So she can evaluate better than a Boy... who can be right match for his Son.

Similarly for the Bride by her mother.

I have closely observed hundreds of families who were successful... in spite of several odds and misfits..

..as also incredible failures... just within a few months of marriage.

With an open-mind I have analysed the cases... and hence have got a lot to say...

..in the course of further discussions.

In brief... in the case of Arranged Marriage (whether arranged by Parents or others or by the Proposing Bride/ Groom)

... all the factors relevant and DIRELY NECESSARY for shaping as a Happy Prospective couple are considered on several proposals... open-mindedly

..Whereas in case of Love-Marriage.. Only One Proposal for consideration...

..on only one criteria: Glamour / Infatuation...lured by Superficial looks and dreams..

... anticipating / insisting ...Yes or No from their Well-wisher Parents/ Guardian...

...implying NO CHOICE for the Head of the Family..

Can a Boy decide better than his Loving Parents(who will never ignore their Son's wishes).?

Are not Parents the EXPERIENCED WELL-WISHERS?.. MORE COMPETENT..

...to properly judge on all the criteria in the long run towards a...

...HAPPY MARRIED LIFE... for their own Son/ Daughter?
.

[pavalamani pragasam]

"May be, some Lovers exchange their thoughts of Likes and Dislikes. Such people may become GOOD FRIENDS... "
A very valid point here! It is illussionary to think more likes between the two are a good foundation for happy married life. That is not compatibility! No! It is the willingness, the suppleness to adjust to dislikes! Actually successful pairs invariably have opposite tastes & interests!!! Fact is stranger than fiction!


"Are not Parents the EXPERIENCED WELL-WISHERS?.. MORE COMPETENT.. "

Sudhaama, it is irking, saddening ..but is the fact: the modern syndrome, a malady in the view of elders like us..youngsters no more have the submissive, respectful, confident attitude to parents/elders. In the mode of western world they nurture a mentality of independence & egoism & assert it is their life not their parents'!

They have that overconfidence about their decision-making powers & RIGHTS! It IS thanklessness of a sort! But in their newly acquired power of knowledge & economic freedom the poor youth forget basic facts about family culture.

They put practical experience, wisdom coming with years at nought. Grey hairs make old laughing stocks often instead of inviting spontaneous veneration as in the olden days. Globalisation impact, I suppose. This is a stage of flux which we have to gulp down whether we like it or not!

[Sanguine Sridhar]

one question to PP mam.

Oru payyana oru ponnukk-O alladhu oru ponnukku oru payyana manasara pidichu pona peragu, avvungala pirichu vera oru payyanukko, ponnukko kalyanam pani vaikiradhu oru vidha sadism-a theriyavillai?

[pavalamani pragasam]

T.Rajender padamellaam romba pidikkumaa? :lol: VaRattu gauravam has been saddeningly in play in some cases. But we must not generalise. The parents, elders in their ripe wisdom would have seen some inadvisability in the match the younsters chose; the youngsters may fail to see the wisdom due to inexperience, blinded by attraction, a very intoxicating feeling! I am speaking only generally, the parents' good will & responsiblity & pleasure in seeing their wards happily married. :notworthy:

[pavalamani pragasam]

sadism? :cry3: Please try to be more understanding!

[Sanguine Sridhar]

Accepted!
But arranged marriage-la mattum kuttrame illaya? Yedho oru ponna theedirnu introduce panni, oru photo-va koduthu, pudichirukka-nu ketta? Andha ponnu unmayile azhagana ponna irrundhu Ok-nu thalayatrom-nu vainga, verum physical beauty-a paathu andha ponnuku thalayaatrom-nu thaane artham? Andha ponnu alladhu payyan eppadi pattavan(I mean unmayile eppadi pattavanga) endru theriyamal kalyanam pannittu konjam konjama purinjukittu vaazhkai naduthanum.Seri, nalla character-a irrundha ok, adhuve vera maadhri irrundha? Vaazhkai full-a kashtam thaane?

Whatever you say about parents are accepted.But oralavukku pasanga choice-a consider pannanum illaya? Naan solradhu thaan kekanumnu sonna...neenga indha generation-a overconfidence-nu sonnaka naan old generation-a bunch of Highly Dominant Cowards endru thaan solluven. Again I am not generalising!

[Shakthiprabha.]

How do u justify,

parent's DISAPPROVAL merely due to CASTE/CREED/STATUS difference?

I ask another question,

WHEN the son or daughter CAN decide in marrying the chosen person AFTER KNOWING them for quite s ome months or years, (I am not talking about immature love, or love at first sight, I am talking about MATURED UNDERSTANDING, blossoming into the NEED for COMPANIONSHIP)

HOW CAN PARENTS who just see them for fleeting second, minutes or maximum few hours, CONCLUDE so confidently THAT the person is NOT SUITED for the family?

IT has to be ON SOCIAL pressures LIKE prestige, caste, creed, status. aTLEAST more likely to be that.

Or is there any other reason?

[Sanguine Sridhar]

Aranged marriage divorce avvalova varadhathukku reason ... Husband, Wife-ku naduvula prechana varudhunu vachuppom, naataamai pannuradhukku sondha kaaranga vandhuduvaanga.Pidichiruko,Pidikalayo...vaazhkai naragama irrundhaalum Otti thaan aaganum? Idhu correct-a?

Love marriage-la prechanai vandhathuna... "Neeya thedikittadhu thaane, anubavi" engira mananilai parents-ku vara thaan seiyum.Idhukku enna peru??!

A matured couples(love marriage) wont push it to that level(I mean divorce!)

[Shakthiprabha.]

Aranged marriage divorce avvalova varadhathukku reason ... Husband, Wife-ku naduvula prechana varudhunu vachuppom, naataamai pannuradhukku sondha kaaranga vandhuduvaanga.Pidichiruko,Pidikalayo...vaazhkai naragama irrundhaalum Otti thaan aaganum? Idhu correct-a?

yes!

UNLESS in extreme cases, they decide to seperate.



Love marriage-la prechanai vandhathuna... "Neeya thedikittadhu thaane, anubavi" engira mananilai parents-ku vara thaan seiyum.Idhukku enna peru??!

EGO! U never gave me the RESPECT i needed, NOW U EAT UR OWN CAKE.

Why such ego at wise age?

And

why do parents think, that, THE BEST RESPECT their kid can give, is TO LET THEM CHOOSE their partner by way of arranged marriages?

[Shakthiprabha.]

PHYSICAL beauty PARTHU decide panrathu, LOVE MARRIAGE VIDA, arranged marriages la t haan athigam.

thats the fact, bitter to accept though.

[littlemaster1982]

Yesterday I happened to see the telugu film Bommarillu. The story is about a father and son where father takes care of everything for him and treats him as if he were a child. Some dialogues are very much relevant to this thread.
Eg:

Father, l lost happiness of little pleasures because of you. You always thought of making your son a great man, and give him a good life, but you never cared to know what l want and how l want to live my life.

You're satisfied with giving more than what l ask. You don't know the pain of denying what you really want.

You invite me to play a game of carom. l want to play but you think of helping me to win. You ask me to strike black, white, or say be careful with queen, you hold my hand and... lf you play my game too yourself, why should l play then dad?

What do you want me to do now? l must marry the girl you fixed. l'll marry but l'm telling you one thing clearly, the things you gave me till now, this shirt, bike, and other things, those things don't know l hate them.

But dad the one coming now is a girl, someday she'll find l don't like her, you'll feel sad then about spoiling my life.

[Devar Magan]

"Are not Parents the EXPERIENCED WELL-WISHERS?.. MORE COMPETENT.. "

Sudhaama, it is irking, saddening ..but is the fact: the modern syndrome, a malady in the view of elders like us..youngsters no more have the submissive, respectful, confident attitude to parents/elders. In the mode of western world they nurture a mentality of independence & egoism & assert it is their life not their parents'!

They have that overconfidence about their decision-making powers & RIGHTS! It IS thanklessness of a sort! But in their newly acquired power of knowledge & economic freedom the poor youth forget basic facts about family culture.

They put practical experience, wisdom coming with years at nought. Grey hairs make old laughing stocks often instead of inviting spontaneous veneration as in the olden days. Globalisation impact, I suppose. This is a stage of flux which we have to gulp down whether we like it or not! Seems to be a POLAMBAL about the current generation's attitude :(

But, try to think as a current day youth.

It is better to suffer for your mistakes, rather than suffering for other's mistakes.

Even if a love marriage fails, look out for the next :P

[littlemaster1982]

"Are not Parents the EXPERIENCED WELL-WISHERS?.. MORE COMPETENT.. "

Sudhaama, it is irking, saddening ..but is the fact: the modern syndrome, a malady in the view of elders like us..youngsters no more have the submissive, respectful, confident attitude to parents/elders. In the mode of western world they nurture a mentality of independence & egoism & assert it is their life not their parents'!

They have that overconfidence about their decision-making powers & RIGHTS! It IS thanklessness of a sort! But in their newly acquired power of knowledge & economic freedom the poor youth forget basic facts about family culture.

They put practical experience, wisdom coming with years at nought. Grey hairs make old laughing stocks often instead of inviting spontaneous veneration as in the olden days. Globalisation impact, I suppose. This is a stage of flux which we have to gulp down whether we like it or not! Seems to be a POLAMBAL about the current generation's attitude :(

But, try to think as a current day youth.

It is better to suffer for your mistakes, rather than suffering for other's mistakes.

Even if a love marriage fails, look out for the next :P


Devar Maghan, nacchhh :thumbsup:

[kb]

It is better to suffer for your mistakes, rather than suffering for other's mistakes.


parents are different from others :?

[Wibha]

It is better to suffer for your mistakes, rather than suffering for other's mistakes.


when parents suffer for r mistakes can't v suffer for their's?

[Shakthiprabha.]

It is better to suffer for your mistakes, rather than suffering for other's mistakes


when parents suffer for r mistakes can't v suffer for their's?

:lol:

[Devar Magan]

It is better to suffer for your mistakes, rather than suffering for other's mistakes.


parents are different from others :? parents are well wishers/care takers among others. but still others thaan 8-)

[Devar Magan]

It is better to suffer for your mistakes, rather than suffering for other's mistakes.


when parents suffer for r mistakes can't v suffer for their's? just think whats the reason for our birth :lol:

then talk about suffering. 8-)

[sivank]

.
. Most of the FAILURES are LOVE-MARRIAGES.!..Why?

Yes... the Present-days' Statistics... COMPARATIVELY states so. !!

Especially in India Now-a-days.!!... Why?

Mr. Sudhaama, I've been meaning to ask you this: How did you came across these statistics? Please let our fellow hubbers know the source and numbers from these statistics of yours.

Dear "kannannn"

You can verify yourselves the heavy amount of Divorce-cases...

..for which One?... Arranged or Love Marriages?

.. That too within a short period of Marriage... which sort?

The News-reports have repeatedly CONFIRMED the fact that...

... COMPARATIVELY the FAILURES of Love-Marriages are very much more...

... alarmingly INCREASING DAY BY DAY...now-a-days.
.


Mr. Sudhama,

I would like to know the statistics you mention is it from the media of USA where nearly no arranged marriages happen or is it from Indian media where Arranged marriages are quite common. Please quote.

[Sudhaama]

.
Imagine Your Sister or Daughter.. LOVES a Boy..

...whom You, HER WELL-WISHER.. feel a MISFIT...

.. for the Girl's HIGH WORTH and QUALITIES?

I wonder almost all of you are reporting.. as if YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER..

... will not do the right selection... with your approval!

Will you please think over the case of Your Daughter or Sister..

... DISBELIEVING Your... HEALTHY INTENTIONS.?

Will you accept such UNDER-VALUING YOUR COMPETENCE AND WELL-WISHES?

Will you allow her to Marry anybody of her choice, irrespective of your concurrence?

. After all she is young girl... not experienced enough to judge others.

And Your sincere interest is to ensure her HAPPY MARRIED LIFE. Is it not?
.

[mgb]

.
. FORGOTTEN Factor.!!.




// (Italy has a lower divorce rate than India. Does that mean the majority of Italian marriages is arranged?)//

Yes. Italy's culture is more or less similar to Indian... with due importance and respect to Elders and their advice.

It is the Catholic Religion based country. Where Divorce is not permitted by Law. Even Love-Marriages are rare and invariably gets converted into Arranged Marriage... by means of both the Parents consent.


Let us also not forget the origin of Valentine's Day 8-)




Whereas in case of Love-Marriage.. Only One Proposal for consideration...

..on only one criteria: Glamour / Infatuation...lured by Superficial looks and dreams..



In arranged marriages the guy chooses a few photographs from a lot and then visits a few houses and inspects physically before zeroing on his victim... what do we call this.. if parents are the best people to find his life partner why should he get to see so many girls

I have also met up with a few love married couples.. and a mere look at them can easily tell it is just not the physical appearance alone.. and in one of the instances the girl was poor and handicapped too..

[Devar Magan]

.
Imagine Your Sister or Daughter.. LOVES a Boy..

...whom You, HER WELL-WISHER.. feel a MISFIT...

.. for the Girl's HIGH WORTH and QUALITIES?

I wonder almost all of you are reporting.. as if YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER..

... will not do the right selection... with your approval!

Will you please think over the case of Your Daughter or Sister..

... DISBELIEVING Your... HEALTHY INTENTIONS.?

Will you accept such UNDER-VALUING YOUR COMPETENCE AND WELL-WISHES?

Will you allow her to Marry anybody of her choice, irrespective of your concurrence?

. After all she is young girl... not experienced enough to judge others.

And Your sincere interest is to ensure her HAPPY MARRIED LIFE. Is it not?
.1.if she is very young, i will try to postpone her marriage.
2. how can we ensure that she will lead a Happy married life, after losing her lover?
3. even, if her first marriage fails, i will help her get a better match. 8-)

[sivank]

[tscii:f7efbbe11f]

.
. FORGOTTEN Factor.!!.




// (Italy has a lower divorce rate than India. Does that mean the majority of Italian marriages is arranged?)//

Yes. Italy's culture is more or less similar to Indian... with due importance and respect to Elders and their advice.

It is the Catholic Religion based country. Where Divorce is not permitted by Law. Even Love-Marriages are rare and invariably gets converted into Arranged Marriage... by means of both the Parents consent.


Let us also not forget the origin of Valentine's Day 8-)




Whereas in case of Love-Marriage.. Only One Proposal for consideration...

..on only one criteria: Glamour / Infatuation...lured by Superficial looks and dreams..



In arranged marriages the guy chooses a few photographs from a lot and then visits a few houses and inspects physically before zeroing on his victim... what do we call this.. if parents are the best people to find his life partner why should he get to see so many girls
I have also met up with a few love married couples.. and a mere look at them can easily tell it is just not the physical appearance alone.. and in one of the instances the girl was poor and handicapped too..


Very good one Ganesh :clap: :clap: :clap:


The very notion of Love is only infatuation or Physical attraction is not correct. I don´t know about present India but as I see generally in Europe it starts as a friendship which develops into Love when they feel that it is more than friendship.[/tscii:f7efbbe11f]

[Shakthiprabha.]

Sivan,

I am very pained to say, LOVE does not start the same way atleast as of now in INDIA.

In most cases, Its DESPERATION to find a LOVER or... INFATUATION found in a physically attractive person.

Later they do try to work out love and end in a nice successful love marriage.

Like what you said, I believe in a MATURE LOVE, that actually starts CASUALLY (not forced upon) as a friendship and then, much later, blooming as something more than friendship.

It does not happen in large cases. Times are changing though :)

[kb]

The very notion of Love is only infatuation or Physical attraction is not correct. I don´t know about present India but as I see generally in Europe it starts as a friendship which develops into Love when they feel that it is more than friendship.[/tscii:a3f2fe2f29]

anga ellam reverse la thaan nadakuthaam..

friendship kadasiyil thaanaam :oops:

[sivank]

The very notion of Love is only infatuation or Physical attraction is not correct. I don´t know about present India but as I see generally in Europe it starts as a friendship which develops into Love when they feel that it is more than friendship.[/tscii:882e562039]

anga ellam reverse la thaan nadakuthaam..

friendship kadasiyil thaanaam :oops:

yeppadi puriyaliye :idontgetit:

[Sanguine Sridhar]

Sudhamma you are point is valid for a girl who is not matured. But in many cases both guy and girl are well settled, what stops you from accepting their love?

As Shakthi pointed Respect, Caste , Language, Status, Astrology match!

Respect means respect among relatives. They feel that relatives will pass some sarcastic comments. Actually who cares about that? Its your blood loves a person. Cant you defend the relatives by saying "Ivan ennoda payyan, ivanoda sandhosham thaan engga sandhosham, avan sandhoshama irrundhaale podhum!". Then their respect over the relatives will grew automatically.

Caste, if this is the reason then sorry old generation needs their brains to be repaired. When two true hearts loves each other caste barrier-a irrundhuthunu solli priricheengana then you dont love your sons or daughter but you love your caste.Then what sort of love you expect from the kids on you?

Language, it is just a medium.When guy and girl who are going to live for 50 years together and if they understand the languages they speak, then what bothers you?

Status, If that guy earns for a comfortable life with the girl.Then what is the problem?

Astrology, I respect Astrology but arranged marriage-la astrology match aagulana dhosham kazhikiradhukku ennanomo panni rendu perayum kalyanam panni vaikireenga, why not the same thing happening in love marriage?! Ellathukkum mela manasu rendum othu pochuna appram enna Astrology!

[Sudhaama]

.
Selecting a BRIDE.. Not similar to choosing a Buffalo.!




.............

In arranged marriages the guy chooses a few photographs from a lot and then visits a few houses and inspects physically before zeroing on his victim... what do we call this.. if parents are the best people to find his life partner why should he get to see so many girls....

In our Indian culture... the PENN-PAARTHAL is not only an opportunity for the Groom and his Elders to meet the proposed Bride..

..but also Vice-versa... for the other side.

Besides, since it is a matter of whole-Life...

...widest possible choices are taken before judgement.
.

[sivank]

Sudhamma you are point is valid for a girl who is not matured. But in many cases both guy and girl are well settled, what stops you from accepting their love?

As Shakthi pointed Respect, Caste , Language, Status, Astrology match!

Respect means respect among relatives. They feel that relatives will pass some sarcastic comments. Actually who cares about that? Its your blood loves a person. Cant you defend the relatives by saying "Ivan ennoda payyan, ivanoda sandhosham thaan engga sandhosham, avan sandhoshama irrundhaale podhum!". Then their respect over the relatives will grew automatically.
Caste, if this is the reason then sorry old generation needs their brains to be repaired. When two true hearts loves each other caste barrier-a irrundhuthunu solli priricheengana then you dont love your sons or daughter but you love your caste.Then what sort of love you expect from the kids on you?

Language, it is just a medium.When guy and girl who are going to live for 50 years together and if they understand the languages they speak, then what bothers you?

Status, If that guy earns for a comfortable life with the girl.Then what is the problem?

Astrology, I respect Astrology but arranged marriage-la astrology match aagulana dhosham kazhikiradhukku ennanomo panni rendu perayum kalyanam panni vaikireenga, why not the same thing happening in love marriage?! Ellathukkum mela manasu rendum othu pochuna appram enna Astrology!


A very good one Sridhar :D

Jaadhakam nu paartha yenakkum en wifekkum ezhaam porutham. Othe varaatha jaadhakam. Western Astrologie paarthaalum naan cancer aval Aries worst combination. Engalukkum kalyaanam aagi 19 years aaguthu and still going strong :D

[tvsankar]

Arranged marriage - idhil ella vishayamum perfect aga irupadhu illai.

1.Girl kaga choose pannum Boy Bad habit aga irukalam.
ANal. Parents seidha thavaruku punishment Girl ku than.
Adjust panniko. and Parents thanga seidha thavarai sari seiya life poora support seiyaranga.

Money al support seiya mudiyadha parents aga irundhal - andha Girl ku indha life naragam dhan with her kids.......

2.Arranged marriage il nadakum thavarugal ellam - avargaludaiya support al maraika padugiradhu.
Support panna mudiyadha periyavanga laga irundhal nichayam ponnuku kashtamana kalyana vaazhkai than.

Nalla Love marriage aga irundhal - nichayam avargal Life ai avargal nadatha katru kondu, peiryavangalu oru prob aga irukamal,

innum solla ponal,
Love marriage pannindhalayae, Boy and Girl,
relations kite piriyamagavum. obedient agavum irupanga.Periyavangaluku seiyara duty ai porupa seivanga......

ana , arranged marriage la, ponnu pethavanga life poora money layum, physical support um pannidae irukanam.............

[Shakthiprabha.]

1.Girl kaga choose pannum Boy Bad habit aga irukalam.
ANal. Parents seidha thavaruku punishment Girl ku than.
Adjust panniko.

Money al support seiya mudiyadha parents aga irundhal - andha Girl ku indha life naragam dhan with her kids.......

2.Arranged marriage il nadakum thavarugal ellam - avargaludaiya support al maraika padugiradhu.


Excellent points usha!!

:clap:

[sivank]

Very good one Usha :clap: :clap: :clap:

[Sudhaama]

Sudhamma you are point is valid for a girl who is not matured. But in many cases both guy and girl are well settled, what stops you from accepting their love?


A Teen-ager is mostly innocent and IMMATURE to judge the Boy fit as her Husband... for her whole Life...

...INTIMATE enough ...MORE THAN A FRIEND

When you are adequately experienced in Married Life... I am sure, you will NOT SAY as you opine now.

You know.. in most of the Love-Marriages, it is the boy who advances and easily captures the tender-hearted girls...

If you hear the several cases of Love-marriage Failure...

...You can know the sense of what I mean...

...on the present days's lot of cases of LOVE-CHEATS.
.

[Shakthiprabha.]

Sudhamma you are point is valid for a girl who is not matured. But in many cases both guy and girl are well settled, what stops you from accepting their love?


A Teen-ager is mostly innocent and IMMATURE to judge the Boy fit as her Husband... for her whole Life...

Sudhaama,

I think sridhar clearly mentioned its love between MATURED MAN AND A WOMAN who have settled in life.

NOBODY is and will be supporting TEEN-LOVE until it matures.



When you are adequately experienced in Married Life... I am sure, you will NOT SAY as you opine now.

Atleast some of us are ADEQUATELY experienced and leading a HAPPY ARRANGED/LOVE marriage, we still hold the opinion, ITS LOGICAL and SENSIBLE to select our spouses, AND THEN ask for the opinion of parents.

[tvsankar]

arranged marriage - Relations kite partha anubavam dhan.

Love marriage - idhaiyum ippodhu parthu kondu iruken.

Love marriage - idhil sila points iruku..

Idharkum parents pakkam sila points iruku.


Girl or Guy - pethavnaga porupa, discipline aga valarthu irundhal.,

avanga habit um nichayam sariyaga than irukum.

appodhu, avanga select pannum partner um sariyana selection aga than irukum.

Freedom enrum idhu ippodhaiya culture enrum - oru recoginition illamal valarthal,

ivargalal select panna padum partner - life muzhudhum vaazhvadharku qualify ilamal pogalam.

So,

Nalla vidhamaga valarka patta Guy or Boy - ivargal Love enru sonnal

Parents dhairiyamaga accept pannikalam.



Indha kalathil, Parents dhan avanga avanga children ku Roll model....

Idhai avanga eppavum nyabgam vechukanam....

[Sudhaama]

.
Arranged Marriage is a COLLECTIVE EFFORT of Family.




........

Atleast some of us are ADEQUATELY experienced and leading a HAPPY ARRANGED/LOVE marriage, we still hold the opinion, ITS LOGICAL and SENSIBLE to select our spouses, AND THEN ask for the opinion of parents.

I have NEVER MEANT... Arranged Marriage as the Imposed Choice of the Parents...

...but with TOTAL CONSENT and APPROVAL of the Spouse on the Spadework by other Family-members...

.. Finally Parents-recommended choices for the Spouse to select the right one...

...the best option of his/her liking.

The Whole Family are the Well-wishers... they too have their Roles..

..in the Teamwork of Evaluation and selection of the Best suited one.
.

[Shakthiprabha.]

.
Arranged Marriage is a COLLECTIVE EFFORT of Family.




........

Atleast some of us are ADEQUATELY experienced and leading a HAPPY ARRANGED/LOVE marriage, we still hold the opinion, ITS LOGICAL and SENSIBLE to select our spouses, AND THEN ask for the opinion of parents.

I have NEVER MEANT... Arranged Marriage as the Imposed Choice of the Parents...

...but with TOTAL CONSENT and APPROVAL of the Spouse on the Spadework by other Family-members...

.. Finally Parents-recommended choices for the Spouse to select the right one...

...the best option of his/her liking.

The Whole Family are the Well-wishers... they too have their Roles..

..in the Teamwork of Evaluation and selection of the Best suited one.
.

Nothing is wrong in parents intervening and voicing their opinions.

PARENTS ALONE and SIBLINGS, none else.

I never feel THIS IS WRONG, provided parents are not blinded by caste/status factors.

If the ground is on MORAL OR ETHICAL principle alone, YES, we need to stand by parents, THEY SHOULD HAVE THEIR SAY.

[tvsankar]

Dear Sudhama,
Andha kalathu periyavanga - Team spirit oda ellam irundhu irupanga.

Ippo andha mahdiri oru True Hearted Relations ngaradhae korainju pochu. I feel like that.

Appo, endha vidhathilo, Parents oda responsibility than adhigama iruku - ippo seiyara kalyanam ellam.
Ana, friends circle - ivanga True Heart aga irukaravanga niraiya irukanga - ippo ellam... i feel like that...

[Devar Magan]

Sudhamma you are point is valid for a girl who is not matured. But in many cases both guy and girl are well settled, what stops you from accepting their love?


A Teen-ager is mostly innocent and IMMATURE to judge the Boy fit as her Husband... for her whole Life...

...INTIMATE enough ...MORE THAN A FRIEND

. do u arrange marriages for teenagers :twisted: :twisted: :evil: :evil:

as i said before, the correct age for any marriage is above 22 for a boy and a girl.

[Devar Magan]

.
Arranged Marriage is a COLLECTIVE EFFORT of Family.

Married life collective effort of a family kidaiyaathu 8-)

[pavalamani pragasam]

"Are not Parents the EXPERIENCED WELL-WISHERS?.. MORE COMPETENT.. "

Sudhaama, it is irking, saddening ..but is the fact: the modern syndrome, a malady in the view of elders like us..youngsters no more have the submissive, respectful, confident attitude to parents/elders. In the mode of western world they nurture a mentality of independence & egoism & assert it is their life not their parents'!

They have that overconfidence about their decision-making powers & RIGHTS! It IS thanklessness of a sort! But in their newly acquired power of knowledge & economic freedom the poor youth forget basic facts about family culture.

They put practical experience, wisdom coming with years at nought. Grey hairs make old laughing stocks often instead of inviting spontaneous veneration as in the olden days. Globalisation impact, I suppose. This is a stage of flux which we have to gulp down whether we like it or not! Seems to be a POLAMBAL about the current generation's attitude :(

But, try to think as a current day youth.

It is better to suffer for your mistakes, rather than suffering for other's mistakes.

Even if a love marriage fails, look out for the next :P

So, today's youth have made up their mind to SUFFER for their own mistakes or for the mistakes of "others"? Not confident of a happy marriage! Oh! But you are going to try, try, try again! I wish you all the best! :lol:

[Sudhaama]

.
. "Valentine's Day".. is NOT MARITAL- LOVERS' DAY.!!



............

Let us also not forget the origin of Valentine's Day 8-)


It is a Funny belief that Valentine's Day means MARITAL LOVERS DAY.

No Not all... Such Lovers advancing towards Marriage... is

...out of purview on this Annual Celebration day.

There is a History behind. There was one Pope named Saint Velentina.. who was seated in that gubernotorial post..

...at Rome.. the capital of the then Italy.

He was remarkably pious and free friend of all... spreading HUMANITARIAN LOVE... in the Society.

...true to the Noble concept of the Bible.

But he was miserably murdered.. by his competitors who became jealous on his fast-growing Popularity within a few weeks.

So just after 50 days he was murdered.

Romans started celebrating that day as the Martyrs day...

... a Memorial day of HUMANE LOVE... of Global-Humanity.

It has nothing to do as LOVERS' DAY.. of Marital Love.
.

[Devar Magan]

So, today's youth have made up their mind to SUFFER for their own mistakes or for the mistakes of "others"? Not confident of a happy marriage! Oh! But you are going to try, try, try again! I wish you all the best! :lol: No body wants to suffer.

who can be confident of a happy married life? appadi oruthar confident-a irunthaal athu over-confidence thaan.
8-)

[pavalamani pragasam]

Can only pity the dip in the confidence level of menfolk in a single generation's time!!! :( Lucky fathers who held their happiness in their hands! :D

[Devar Magan]

Can only pity the dip in the confidence level of menfolk in a single generation's time!!! :( Lucky fathers who held their happiness in their hands! :Denna solla vareenga?

"neenga love panna naanga othukkave maattom. ungallukku maturity illa, mannaangatti illa. naanga ellaam experienced. naanga sollurathu thaan right "

ithuve evvalavu kaalathukku. CHange is the only constant thing in this world. Adopt to it. 8-)

[Anoushka]

parents engaLukku ellam theriyum, unakku oNNum theriaathu appadinu sollrathula artham illai - because after the marriage they can't decide for everything the son/daughter does... actually that is where most problems come... parents don't stop at the marriage itself, adhuku appuram magaL enna paNNanum, magan enna paNNanum appadinu constant thaliyidal irupadhanaal thaan neraya arranged marriages-la problem varuthu! Atleast that is my opinion....

Adhu eppadi their son/daughter might be in a position at work where they handle 50 people under them, aana avangaLukku avanga life partner-ai chose paNNura maturity mattum illainu solraanga?

Another funny thing I've noticed is that the parents don't agree for love marriages because of ego reasons! Naan paarthu vaikkatha poNNai nee eppadi kalyaNam paNNikalam? :lol: Even if the girl is the same caste, a good, well educated girl, from a decent family, it will still be a problem because they didn't chose the girl! It gets ridiculously funny when the parents go, you can get married to any girl but this one! :rotfl:

oor ulagam enna sollum? this is one more reason parents give for rejecting love marriages. They are so worried about what the world will say, that they forget to see their child's happiness.

And ofcourse there are thousand other creative reasons the parents come up with... "people from a certain region/caste" are very bad/wicked/etc... , nee ippadi oru kalyaNam paNNikitta vayasana kaalathula naanga un veetula vandhu irukka mudiyuma?..., etc!

I am not against arranged marriages. It works for some doesn't work for some. But forcing someone into an arranged marriage is what I don't like!

I couldn't have gone in for an arranged marriage... I always knew proposals were coming in for me from my family/extended family because of my father's position in the society, whereas my much more beautiful cousin of the same age whose father is not such a good position was getting less proposals! It was a fairly easy decision for me to make and my parents understood why I did what I did then!

If it was an arranged marriage then it would have been more like give an ad in the newspapers and then pick one out of that rather than go for someone who knows us very well!

[Shakthiprabha.]

I wanna analyse a new angle to this ARRANGED marriage concept.

MOST PARENTS are cute enough to ask their daughter or son "DO U HAVE ANYONE SPECIAL"

If the answer is NO, or NOT YET, then they busily start looking out for partner t hemselves.


WHYYYYYYY???????????

because

IN INDIA, it is a PRESTIGE ISSUE / sentimental issue to see ur son or daughter marry off at the right age (fixed by the society)!.....engalukku VAYASAACHU, so get married!!!

I MEAN... this is..... :roll:

CHILL IT.

Let them get married at 30 or 40 or 45!!

THE AIM IS TO SEE THEM HAPPY, let them wait for the right person.
GIVE THEM FREEDOM TO DO IT. IF its not destined for u to live to see ur children married, ITS DESTINY.

[Anoushka]

Shakthi: :lol: engaLukku vayasaachu kaLyaNam paNNikO, engaLukku vayasaachu kuzhanthai pethukO, etc... is quite common in our country...

I think there are two sides to it... one is that they want to get their child married off when they (the parents) are working and can afford it financially!

The other angle is that they are scared of what the society will say.

[Shakthiprabha.]

I AGREE with what anou said....its EGO!!

I know a friend's friend family, who saw jathakam josyam etc and fixed a girl for their son. The son took it to the extent of meeting the girl himself and getting to know her (without the knowledge of parents), later HE WANTED TO SURPRISE them pleasantly by saying "I AM OKEI with this girl"

THE PARENTS WERE SOOOOOO OFFENDED, that he decided all by himself and went this far in knowing the girl. Finally they wanted another GIRL !! :roll:

[littlemaster1982]

Getting married at 30 is OK. getting married at 45 :shock:

[sivank]

Getting married at 30 is OK. getting married at 45 :shock:

Second Marriage :D

[Anoushka]

aNNa: :lol:

LM: if you are not keen on having children, then age shouldn't be a problem! :)

[littlemaster1982]

aNNa: :lol:

LM: if you are not keen on having children, then age shouldn't be a problem! :)

yeah your point is right. Anyway you will not have the same enthu and excitement in getting married later. :roll:

[Shakthiprabha.]

lm,

99 percent U WOULD find ur partner before 45 .

one should have CONFIDENCE in one's own self.

and... IF HAVING CHILDREN is not a problem ITS JUST A COMPANION one looks forward to, nothing else.

BTW lm,

its at 45, lots of unhappy ppl are resorting sneaking out of marriage. THEY HAVE enthu enough to get into one more or secretively getting into just a plain relationship.

So, excitement is NEVER a problem for most species.
LETS NOT DEVIATE from topic.

[sivank]

[tscii:5b965a7efc]I think marriages should be made at or after 30. More over even if it is an arranged marriage they should have atleast 12 to 18 months time to know each other and during this time they should try to manage their day to day problems like finance etc.( I don´t mean living to gether) but trying to make it together as a small new family.

In europe it is some how easy because the lovers at some certain stage starts living together it is easy to see how one reacts to a certain stress or situation.

Parents should not get mixed up with their childrens problems unless they are asked for. here it is common that parents and children live in their own houses. No joint family business. In fact many children move from their parents home after their 18th year. In this way they learn the hardships of life.[/tscii:5b965a7efc]

[Sanguine Sridhar]

parents ellarum konjam nidhanama yosikanum, after all ungga payyan,ponnu viruppa padura vaazhkayya ungala erpaduthi kodukka mudiyalana adhu evvalo periya vekkam! kalyanam panni vachadhoda avvunga kadamai mudinju pochu, adhukappuram?
ovvoru naalum ungga payyan,ponnu eppadi vaazhuraanganu yosichu paathurukeengala? to be practical oru peran, pethi paatha peragu ungga life mudinjudum aana pudhusa kalyanam aanavanga appadiya?! avvunga oru 40,50 varusham serndhu vaazhanumla! andha angle-la kooda yosikka mudiyalana enna periya old maturity generation?

[tvsankar]

Sridhar,
Nice points.

Parents - ivanga duty - children thavaru seiyum podhu correct panni vazhi kaatanam.

Idhai marriage vishayathilum gavanichukanam. Ok.

Parents - avanga children ku - pidicha dress - pidicha food nu gavanikaranga.

Ana marriage nu varum podhu - indha piditha ngara vishayam kaanama pogudhu.

Marubadhiyum solren. Arranged Marriages are
compromised in Money matters,(Girl and Boy - Irandu side layum)

Nammai vida Status la ponnuku Marriage panna ella parents um asai padaranga. Thappu illai.

Ana, adhukaga nam status ku meeri Boy side la avanga expectation ku accept pannindu,
Kashta pattu adhai poorthi seidhu - Thevaiya idhu? idhil engae Boy side la thavaru iruku?

Boy side expectation ai seiya mudiyal ponal - Prob ponnuku thanae?
Adharkaga BOy side layum ponnai or avanga side parents ai kodumai padutha kudadhu dhan.

Idhu ellam Arranged marriage la vara periya THAVARUGAL.......

Indha thavarugal illadha Arranged Marriages are GOOD.....

[Anoushka]

Usha: :) the easier solution is for children to take up responsibility... vaLara vaLara thanaku pidichathai kEtu vaangi saapidavO, pidicha dress vaangikavO seyraanga illaya? andha maadhiri, kalyaNamum enga responsibility, we will spend for the wedding, appadinu ethanai piLLaigaL solraanga?

Not many children take up that responsibility, amma - appa selavu paNNuraangaLa, then OK appadinu nenaikuraanga! appadi irukumbOthu parents edhir paarka thaanE seivaanga - not that it is right to expect, but it another angle to think about. :)

also namma seyyura ella kaariyamum, nammakaga seyrathillai, it is always because what will society say!

If we do good, it is because what people will say if we do something bad appadingra bayathunaalathaan... not because we want to be good! appadi irukumbOthu, namma poNNai nagai pOdama kalyaNam paNNi kodutha mathavanga enna solvaanga, ippadi paNNina mathavanga enna solvaanga, etc, bayam irupathanaalayE indha status problem varugirathu!

[sivank]

Usha: :) the easier solution is for children to take up responsibility... vaLara vaLara thanaku pidichathai kEtu vaangi saapidavO, pidicha dress vaangikavO seyraanga illaya? andha maadhiri, kalyaNamum enga responsibility, we will spend for the wedding, appadinu ethanai piLLaigaL solraanga?
Not many children take up that responsibility, amma - appa selavu paNNuraangaLa, then OK appadinu nenaikuraanga! appadi irukumbOthu parents edhir paarka thaanE seivaanga - not that it is right to expect, but it another angle to think about. :)

also namma seyyura ella kaariyamum, nammakaga seyrathillai, it is always because what will society say!

If we do good, it is because what people will say if we do something bad appadingra bayathunaalathaan... not because we want to be good! appadi irukumbOthu, namma poNNai nagai pOdama kalyaNam paNNi kodutha mathavanga enna solvaanga, ippadi paNNina mathavanga enna solvaanga, etc, bayam irupathanaalayE indha status problem varugirathu!

very good one Anou :)

[Lambretta]

aNNa: :lol:

LM: age shouldn't be a problem if you are not keen on having children
....or on having physical enjoyment....:)

[littlemaster1982]

aNNa: :lol:

LM: age shouldn't be a problem if you are not keen on having children
....or on having physical enjoyment....:)

Lamby, that's understood :oops:

[tvsankar]

namma poNNai nagai pOdama kalyaNam paNNi kodutha mathavanga enna solvaanga, ippadi paNNina mathavanga enna solvaanga, etc, bayam irupathanaalayE indha status problem varugirathu!

Anou,

Periyavnagaluku society melae bayam garadhai vida - peirya vishayam - COMPARISON - Idhu migavum mosanama gunam - Idhanalae dhan Parents asai vadhu kashta padaranga - my feelings.

idhae dhan avanga children ku pazhagum...

[Lambretta]

aNNa: :lol:

LM: age shouldn't be a problem if you are not keen on having children
....or on having physical enjoyment....:)

Lamby, that's understood :oops:
Nope, the 2 neednt be inter-related....

[littlemaster1982]

aNNa: :lol:

LM: age shouldn't be a problem if you are not keen on having children
....or on having physical enjoyment....:)

Lamby, that's understood :oops:
Nope, the 2 neednt be inter-related....

Lamby,

I didn't say that's inter-related. May be a kind of euphemism :) Anyway, let's leave it :D

[Lambretta]

Right....:D

Neways, I'm goin2 go rest for a while......b back later! :wave:

[podalangai]

Getting married at 30 is OK. getting married at 45 :shock:

Second Marriage :D

Simultaneously, or consecutively? :P

[dsath]

Wow another 5 pages.
Somewhere in this thread i found a reference to Italy for arranged marriages.
One of those 'studies' found that more than 50% of Italians cheat on their partners!!!!!!!! :huh:
The success of any marriage is random. This is because it mainly depends on the individuals concerned and those people change. The changes can be triggered by environment, an accident, age or a number of things.But change is for certain. So we can't guarantee success or failure by arranged or love marriages.

The reason why parents of my generation are not able accept love marriages is that, they spend too much time and effort on their kids and expect the kids to repay (for want of a better word) them. The discussions in 'Women' thread regarding feeding children springs to mind. Even now mothers are expected to run around children feeding them in our country. It starts right from there......... force feeding food, then education and then finally marriage. Oh no it doesn't stop with marriage, it just continues for eternity. :roll: :(

On the other side love marriages are also very ill defined in our country. The whole concept of 'love' is blown away. The irony and hypocrisy is well defined when some of the movies which portray teenage love go on to become hits. 2 movies which comes to mind are Kadhal and Paruthiveeran. The girls are not even in college, run away - marry-fail and our people love to make it hits. Can't any directory say that it is not love at that age but crush or at most puppy love. No they won't because we won't endorse them. :evil:

[littlemaster1982]

//Digr.

dsath,

I guess "Kaadhal" movie very well portrayed the problems which a couple has to face because of immatured love.

[kannannn]

Yes. Italy's culture is more or less similar to Indian... with due importance and respect to Elders and their advice.
It is the Catholic Religion based country. Where Divorce is not permitted by Law. Even Love-Marriages are rare and invariably gets converted into Arranged Marriage... by means of both the Parents consent. Best Example.. Sonia Gandhi's marriage with Rajeev Gandhi.
What can I say Sudhaama? Both your sentences in bold are wrong. FYI divorce is legal in Italy, but the waiting period is long. Italy was just an example. There are many more countries with lesser divorce rates than India.


(1) The Concept of Love-Marriage is that the couple like each other on some grounds.. which they may reveal or may not.

Only point they used to insist is that.."We Love each other.. So we cannot consider any other proposal...

...whatever high and better impressive the parallel offers may be"

Here mostly it is the BODILY BEAUTY-FACTOR... by which both get lured.

At the young age... it is the only attraction and criteria of consideration.
I think your idea of love stems mainly from movies and pre-conceived notions :cry: . It has been agreed that the discussion would be wrt mature relationships. Also, I have seen couples from the most diverse backgrounds and physical features fall in love and marry. I could say that it is in arranged marriage that material likes and dislikes play an important role. Can you disprove me?



So she can evaluate better than a Boy... who can be right match for his Son.

Similarly for the Bride by her mother.
That is the main point of discussion. How can you decide whom your son or daughter can fall in love with?


They put practical experience, wisdom coming with years at nought. Grey hairs make old laughing stocks often instead of inviting spontaneous veneration as in the olden days. Globalisation impact, I suppose. This is a stage of flux which we have to gulp down whether we like it or not!
It makes me sad that you would arrive at such a conclusion. That is emotional blackmailing. Unfortunately, it is the parents whose egos are bruised when their children choose their life partners. And why do you assume that choosing a life partner is tantamount to insulting elders? All I am saying is, there are certain things in life where parents can't decide for us.

[Shakthiprabha.]

For those who say BEAUTY plays role in LOVE MARRIAGES...

How do u start the STEP 2 for arranged marriage?after finishing step 1 WHICH IS.... shortlisting PHOTOGRAPHS. short listing WHO IS MORE APPEALING. OFCOURSE YES, nobody can say no here.

So, how do u short list it?

PRIMARY CRITERIA, being GOOD looks.

[Selvam_mayyam]

For those who say BEAUTY plays role in LOVE MARRIAGES...

How do u start the STEP 2 for arranged marriage?after finishing step 1 WHICH IS.... shortlisting PHOTOGRAPHS. short listing WHO IS MORE APPEALING. OFCOURSE YES, nobody can say no here.

So, how do u short list it?

PRIMARY CRITERIA, being GOOD looks.

VERU TRUE!!! :)

[pavalamani pragasam]

Yes. Italy's culture is more or less similar to Indian... with due importance and respect to Elders and their advice.
It is the Catholic Religion based country. Where Divorce is not permitted by Law. Even Love-Marriages are rare and invariably gets converted into Arranged Marriage... by means of both the Parents consent. Best Example.. Sonia Gandhi's marriage with Rajeev Gandhi.
What can I say Sudhaama? Both your sentences in bold are wrong. FYI divorce is legal in Italy, but the waiting period is long. Italy was just an example. There are many more countries with lesser divorce rates than India.


(1) The Concept of Love-Marriage is that the couple like each other on some grounds.. which they may reveal or may not.

Only point they used to insist is that.."We Love each other.. So we cannot consider any other proposal...

...whatever high and better impressive the parallel offers may be"

Here mostly it is the BODILY BEAUTY-FACTOR... by which both get lured.

At the young age... it is the only attraction and criteria of consideration.
I think your idea of love stems mainly from movies and pre-conceived notions :cry: . It has been agreed that the discussion would be wrt mature relationships. Also, I have seen couples from the most diverse backgrounds and physical features fall in love and marry. I could say that it is in arranged marriage that material likes and dislikes play an important role. Can you disprove me?



So she can evaluate better than a Boy... who can be right match for his Son.

Similarly for the Bride by her mother.
That is the main point of discussion. How can you decide whom your son or daughter can fall in love with?


They put practical experience, wisdom coming with years at nought. Grey hairs make old laughing stocks often instead of inviting spontaneous veneration as in the olden days. Globalisation impact, I suppose. This is a stage of flux which we have to gulp down whether we like it or not!
It makes me sad that you would arrive at such a conclusion. That is emotional blackmailing. Unfortunately, it is the parents whose egos are bruised when their children choose their life partners. And why do you assume that choosing a life partner is tantamount to insulting elders? All I am saying is, there are certain things in life where parents can't decide for us.

'emotional blackmailing'? I am amused! This is adding injury to insult! The youth not only choose to be short-sighted, but also get emboldened to question everything & everybody dropping serious phrases casually. I am participating here, luckily as an observer, with nothing to lose personally. I thank my stars, I count my blessings, I realise what bliss is!

[dsath]

They put practical experience, wisdom coming with years at nought. Grey hairs make old laughing stocks often instead of inviting spontaneous veneration as in the olden days. Globalisation impact, I suppose. This is a stage of flux which we have to gulp down whether we like it or not!
It makes me sad that you would arrive at such a conclusion. That is emotional blackmailing.

Absolutely true. One can't blame everything on globalization, when our history is full of love stories. The concept of love marriage is certainly not new to India and parents blaming it on globalization is ridiculous.

I agree with you SP, the matrimonial classifieds are best examples strewn with requirements for fair, wheatish (whatever that means) and good looking bride/groom.

[Selvam_mayyam]

They put practical experience, wisdom coming with years at nought. Grey hairs make old laughing stocks often instead of inviting spontaneous veneration as in the olden days. Globalisation impact, I suppose. This is a stage of flux which we have to gulp down whether we like it or not!
It makes me sad that you would arrive at such a conclusion. That is emotional blackmailing. Unfortunately, it is the parents whose egos are bruised when their children choose their life partners. And why do you assume that choosing a life partner is tantamount to insulting elders? All I am saying is, there are certain things in life where parents can't decide for us.

'emotional blackmailing'? I am amused! This is adding injury to insult! The youth not only choose to be short-sighted, but also get emboldened to question everything & everybody dropping serious phrases casually. I am participating here, luckily as an observer, with nothing to lose personally. I thank my stars, I count my blessings, I realise what bliss is!

totally unwanted fr.. wat kannann said was sensible.. plz look at the context befrore u comment..he talked abt it some pages bck..

brilliant posts Kannann.. :thumbsup:

[Shakthiprabha.]

They put practical experience, wisdom coming with years at nought. Grey hairs make old laughing stocks often instead of inviting spontaneous veneration as in the olden days. Globalisation impact, I suppose. This is a stage of flux which we have to gulp down whether we like it or not!
It makes me sad that you would arrive at such a conclusion. That is emotional blackmailing.

Absolutely true. One can't blame everything on globalization, when our history is full of love stories. The concept of love marriage is certainly not new to India and parents blaming it on globalization is ridiculous.



BINGO! :thumbsup:

[kannannn]

'emotional blackmailing'? I am amused! This is adding injury to insult! The youth not only choose to be short-sighted, but also get emboldened to question everything & everybody dropping serious phrases casually. I am participating here, luckily as an observer, with nothing to lose personally. I thank my stars, I count my blessings, I realise what bliss is!
Uh.. I am sorry if I hurt you. That was not meant for you, but for those who would put forth such an argument to force someone to accept their choice. BTW, I chose let go that remark on being short-sighted :thumbsup:

[dsath]

'emotional blackmailing'? I am amused! This is adding injury to insult! The youth not only choose to be short-sighted, but also get emboldened to question everything & everybody dropping serious phrases casually. I am participating here, luckily as an observer, with nothing to lose personally. I thank my stars, I count my blessings, I realise what bliss is!

PP mam, do you think parents whose children chose their life partners are not lucky and blessed?
Don't you trust your children with the ability to choose? Are they not responsible enough at 25. If they are not responsible enough at 25 to choose a life partner to their liking, then how are they going to run a family responsibly, let alone raise their children. Anyway what is wrong with questioning. The younger generation is just following Socrates's advice.

[pavalamani pragasam]

Kannan, thanx for your magnanimity! I am touched!

My misgivings about globalisation are real. we are used to living in closeness, family members knowing, caring, tending, catering to all small & big needs of family members- parents & children, an openness of interaction, no curtains of privacy hanging around everyone. In our families we don't live in cocoons, going about one's chores as if the others didn't exist.

My parents-in-law are still alive- 86 & 79 year olds; all their four children & their children with spouses & kids interact in a sublime manner. We all live separately, far away too. But our emotional bonding is deep. My dil's mail me & call my mil to get recipes for favourite dishes of my sons. This is the secret of success in marriage. Respecting the roots, straining to please, reposing confidence in elders' wisdom & genuine affection. In such a background the concept of 'emotional blackmailing' has no place, no necessity. The trust comes natuarally. No slavery. No rebellion. All the kids are highly individualistic, with remarkable proficiency & wisdom. Still they enjoy the beauty of valuing elders' feelings.

Pages after pages of wrangling & where are those thousands of boys & girls who have surrendered with 100% pleasure their 'right' to choose their life partner to their parents??? Wiser than me, saving energy & time! :roll:

Finally, there is no denying the presence of evil practices in society, commercialising matrimony. We must bear in mind the mega population, the innumerous sects, customs, classes, the greed to ape one community or other. An ailing body must be treated for its ills & not condemned to die an accursed death!

[kannannn]

PP, please answer this so that I don't misunderstand your post. Are children who let their parents chose their life partners the most respectful? Is it the ultimate measure or being a good son/daughter?

[pavalamani pragasam]

Is there any doubt about it? :D

[Shakthiprabha.]

Is there any doubt about it? :D

:(

is it wrong PP MAAM, TO FALL IN LOVE at RIGHT AGE, and WITH RIGHT PERSON, and then ask for opinion :| ?

[Selvam_mayyam]

Is there any doubt about it? :D

:(

is it wrong PP MAAM, TO FALL IN LOVE at RIGHT AGE, and WITH RIGHT PERSON, and then ask for opinion :| ?

no..dont marry.,. instead listen to the parents who will get some psychopathic stranger for u bcoz he luks gud and earns gud bucks too.....nd ruin ur life...hehe

Kannanns old posts abt this is very true.. i m wit him all along..

[sivank]

PP madam, oru sinna hypothetical question. Unga pasanga yaaravathu love marriage thaan paanuvennu solla neenga ahukku oppose paani aana avanga still love marriage thaan pannuvennu pidivaatham pidithaal what would be ur stand

[Shakthiprabha.]

PP madam, oru sinna hypothetical question. Unga pasanga yaaravathu love marriage thaan paanuvennu solla neenga ahukku oppose paani aana avanga still love marriage thaan pannuvennu pidivaatham pidithaal what would be ur stand

I wanted to ask this question myself. thanks sivan for making my job easier :D

[Shakthiprabha.]

Is there any doubt about it? :D

:(

is it wrong PP MAAM, TO FALL IN LOVE at RIGHT AGE, and WITH RIGHT PERSON, and then ask for opinion :| ?

no..dont marry.,. instead listen to the parents who will get some psychopathic stranger for u bcoz he luks gud and earns gud bucks too.....nd ruin ur life...hehe

Kannanns old posts abt this is very true.. i m wit him all along..

I CONDEMN this statement selvam.

Arranged marriage, IS A WEIRD WAY OF marrying i.e. selection process has WEIRD CONCEPT were relationship vows are taken before LOVE BLOSSOMS....

but lot of times PARENTS ARE SENSIBLE AND NOT FOOLS TO CHOOSE PSYCHOPATHS :evil:

What guarantee u have U WONT CHOOSE A PSYCHOPATH?

[Anoushka]

PP madam: mine is a love marriage! Doesn't mean that I am not close to my in-laws. To date talk to my MIL and she will say that her DIL takes care of her better than her own daughters :)

I talk to her regularly (I learnt Kannada to communicate with my in-laws), ask her recipes, sometimes I call her just without any reason! I keep track of her medical appointments and remind her about it from thousands of kms away.

Ask my mother who used to insist that a parent coming and staying with her daughter is not acceptable if she would stay with her daughter now... and she would happily come and stay with me. Why? because she is quite comfortable with her son-in-law. Not a son-in-law she chose....

Everyone in my family absolutely love my husband and everyone in his family adore me to bits. I get mails from his cousins (mind you, no cc-ing him) asking me information or just asking me how I am doing every once in a while.

Both our parents consider themselves lucky. They even have agreed that they couldn't have found a better choice for us.

And I am not the only case like this. I see loads of my friends who are like us where parents are happy about the choice of their son/daughter. Things are changing and parents have started having a much more open outlook. :)

[Selvam_mayyam]

Is there any doubt about it? :D

:(

is it wrong PP MAAM, TO FALL IN LOVE at RIGHT AGE, and WITH RIGHT PERSON, and then ask for opinion :| ?

no..dont marry.,. instead listen to the parents who will get some psychopathic stranger for u bcoz he luks gud and earns gud bucks too.....nd ruin ur life...hehe

Kannanns old posts abt this is very true.. i m wit him all along..

I CONDEMN this statement selvam.

Arranged marriage, IS A WEIRD WAY OR selection process, WEIRD CONCEPT were relationship vows are taken before LOVE BLOSSOMS....

but lot of times PARENTS ARE SENSIBLE AND NOT FOOLS TO CHOOSE PSYCHOPATHS :evil:

What guarantee u have U WONT CHOOSE A PSYCHOPATH?

bcoz i knw da person i luv.. of course not all wud can knw completely abt a person.. bt still to blindly marry a stranger s stupid enuf.. he wil act wit u all along.. nd u choose him frm his luks, salary,etc... nt frm what he is - bcos u dnt knw it..as simple as that :P

[kb]

love itself is arranged.. it is restricted to people whom u meet only..

what if ur right match is a person whom u havent met.. and yaaro thalagar eduthukondu vara fotola antha ponnu irrundhaa..

parents-um happy.. naamalum happy :) ofcourse this is for those who didnt fall in love..
aana sila lovers .. vera aal kidaikaatha naala.. onna oor suththi avingaley love panratha ninachikittu kalyanam pannikittu kasta padraanga..

[villan007]

:ashamed:

[Sanguine Sridhar]

Come on...!! Appa, Amma paathu vaikira ponna kalyanaam pannita thaan mariyaadhai kodukradha arthama?!! adhuvum thannoda ponnu,payyan manasula innoruthar irrukaarunu therinjum! Amazing...! So all you need is respect and you dont look at your kid's happiness? EKSI!

Ennoda sondha maama love marriage thaan.Ennoda Thatha,Paati kalyanathukku mugam sulikaama nadathi vachaanga...Andha oru vishyathukaagave engga maama,athai romba romba paasama paathukitaanga kadasivaraikkum.

Neenga force panni innoru payyanukko ponnukko kalyanam panni vacha..ungalukku verum oru alppa sandhosham kedaikkum (which is called as mariyaadhai!) but pethavanga mela ulla mariyadhai pasangalukku poidum...This is the fact!

[thilak4life]

Selvam sir,

same case could happen in love marriages (Where you get to see the psycho after you marry). The statistics could work fine in both the cases. In stead of this dichotomy. I would like to generally say: To blindly follow is imbecility. Always have concrete reasoning and judgment behind your actions.

What PP mam said about being a good son/girl, that is to obey or oblige to their parents 'blindly', is basically an age-old phenomenon extended from deeply inhuman activities like child marriage, etc. This kind of logic justifies female infanticide! I'm sorry, that is ridiculous!

If fighting such bad things is called as 'aping' other cultures, then so be it. After all, we evolved from apes. Moreover, let's at least act like animals giving the individual every right to choose his/her partner rather than this 'cherry picking' with various norms. Let's not degrade ourselves by denying freedom and respect for individuals to pick their own partners for life. Of course, It's difficult to have faith in individual's capabilities to pick the right partner. But thats perfectly 'human' (even if it errs) instead of 'picking some wild goose'.

Arranged marriage - :twisted:

Love marriage - :yes:

[ajithfederer]

Sridar i can see a motive behind ur post ......... :lol: But still good one :clap:

Come on...!! Appa, Amma paathu vaikira ponna kalyanaam pannita thaan mariyaadhai kodukradha arthama?!! adhuvum thannoda ponnu,payyan manasula innoruthar irrukaarunu therinjum! Amazing...! So all you need is respect and you dont look at your kid's happiness? EKSI!

Ennoda sondha maama love marriage thaan.Ennoda Thatha,Paati kalyanathukku mugam sulikaama nadathi vachaanga...Andha oru vishyathukaagave engga maama,athai romba romba paasama paathukitaanga kadasivaraikkum.

Neenga force panni innoru payyanukko ponnukko kalyanam panni vacha..ungalukku verum oru alppa sandhosham kedaikkum (which is called as mariyaadhai!) but pethavanga mela ulla mariyadhai pasangalukku poidum...This is the fact!

[Roshan]

Kannan :thumbsup:

Thilak :clap: :clap:

Shakthi :clap: :clap:

[Roshan]

Sridar i can see a motive behind ur post ......... :lol: But still good one :clap:

:yes: :clap:

[Roshan]

-deleted repeated post -

[Hey Ram]

Why do some love marraiges have tragic ends???

Isn't the couple supposed to have UNDERSTOOD each other before marriage???

If the understanding has really occured why shall a love marriage have a tragic end?? You can say some people are psychopath... But you are supposed to have known it before!!

Podalangai sir says it all.. Post of the Discussion..


And you think you can choose your life partner over a few cups of coffee every day over a period of a few years? Love marriage or arranged marriage, believe me, there're mountains of stuff - vital stuff - you won't even begin to know about your chosen partner until you tie the knot and start sharing every aspect of your daily lives. Unless you go into a marriage expecting that, you'll be hit with many a rude shock. And if you go into a marriage expecting that, it doesn't really make much of a difference if the person's someone you've known for twenty minutes or twenty months. What matters is how much time you as an individual need in order to feel comfortable that this person is someone with whom - and for whom - you are willing to take on the unknown. And this depends entirely on the individual.

[dsath]

This is the secret of success in marriage. Respecting the roots, straining to please, reposing confidence in elders' wisdom & genuine affection. In such a background the concept of 'emotional blackmailing' has no place, no necessity. The trust comes natuarally. No slavery. No rebellion. All the kids are highly individualistic, with remarkable proficiency & wisdom. Still they enjoy the beauty of valuing elders' feelings.

Idealism at its heights.

Intolerance of supporters of love marriages and arranged marriages is evident in the 25 odd pages. Very few actually say they can accept both. :(

When young people find it difficult to understand and tolerate other views which are in no way alien to them, how can we expect the previous generation sunk in tradition and customs to understand and tolerate youngsters view, which is quiet alien to them. :confused2:

Hey Ram,
Some love marriages do have tragic ends, but some arranged marriages have tragic continuity which is even worse.
Love or arranged, i feel it is better to walk out of an unhappy relationship rather than to torture yourself/ everyone around you and stay in the the marriage. But this should be the last resort.

[pavalamani pragasam]

PP madam, oru sinna hypothetical question. Unga pasanga yaaravathu love marriage thaan paanuvennu solla neenga ahukku oppose paani aana avanga still love marriage thaan pannuvennu pidivaatham pidithaal what would be ur stand

Knowing my children through & through such a chance is utterly impossible, hence never thought about it! But since you ask...such things do happen in our families also!

We can't cut our nose to spite the face. It would have caused a lot of bitterness. We would have given in with trepidations about the child's marital bliss. A cold distance would have developed between us.

But time heals all bruises esp if the child's chosen partner fits my idea of married life described in our old literature: semmaN mEl vizuntha mazai neer semmaN niRaththiRku maaRividuvathu.

Respect for parents, parents duty to choose partners appadi ippadi-nnu conscious-aa ninaikkiRathillai; it is a very simple, straightforward, uncomplicated, implicit understanding, an allocation of what duties for whom- the children grow up with the feeling parents know what is best for them. It is no conscious dinning. It is all in the family atmosphere, the way we bring up our children, the way we interact.

The children dare not burn their fingers in such a grave matter. If it does turn bad even after parents' selection then it will be a collective process of repair, not a solitary tragedy.

After all is said & done, is it not true every marriage, arranged or love, is a risky ordeal, on the edge of turning tragic, unless both the partners make sincere, conscious, intelligent, selfless efforts to make it a success?

[Devar Magan]

Knowing my children through & through such a chance is utterly impossible, hence never thought about it! But since you ask...such things do happen in our families also!

We can't cut our nose to spite the face. It would have caused a lot of bitterness. We would have given in with trepidations about the child's marital bliss. A cold distance would have developed between us.

But time heals all bruises esp if the child's chosen partner fits my idea of married life described in our old literature: semmaN mEl vizuntha mazai neer semmaN niRaththiRku maaRividuvathu.

Respect for parents, parents duty to choose partners appadi ippadi-nnu conscious-aa ninaikkiRathillai; it is a very simple, straightforward, uncomplicated, implicit understanding, an allocation of what duties for whom- the children grow up with the feeling parents know what is best for them. It is no conscious dinning. It is all in the family atmosphere, the way we bring up our children, the way we interact.

The children dare not burn their fingers in such a grave matter. If it does turn bad even after parents' selection then it will be a collective process of repair, not a solitary tragedy.
100% ARROGANCE, EGOISM, SELF CENTRED THINKING :twisted: :evil: :twisted:

[sivank]

[tscii:2651f76c8b]

PP madam, oru sinna hypothetical question. Unga pasanga yaaravathu love marriage thaan paanuvennu solla neenga ahukku oppose paani aana avanga still love marriage thaan pannuvennu pidivaatham pidithaal what would be ur stand

Knowing my children through & through such a chance is utterly impossible, hence never thought about it! But since you ask...such things do happen in our families also!

We can't cut our nose to spite the face. It would have caused a lot of bitterness. We would have given in with trepidations about the child's marital bliss. A cold distance would have developed between us.

But time heals all bruises esp if the child's chosen partner fits my idea of married life described in our old literature: semmaN mEl vizuntha mazai neer semmaN niRaththiRku maaRividuvathu. Respect for parents, parents duty to choose partners appadi ippadi-nnu conscious-aa ninaikkiRathillai; it is a very simple, straightforward, uncomplicated, implicit understanding, an allocation of what duties for whom- the children grow up with the feeling parents know what is best for them. It is no conscious dinning. It is all in the family atmosphere, the way we bring up our children, the way we interact.

The children dare not burn their fingers in such a grave matter. If it does turn bad even after parents' selection then it will be a collective process of repair, not a solitary tragedy.

After all is said & done, is it not true every marriage, arranged or love, is a risky ordeal, on the edge of turning tragic, unless both the partners make sincere, conscious, intelligent, selfless efforts to make it a success?


Thank u very much fr ur answer PP Madam.

As u mentioned we are not going to disown our children and children don´t disown their parents if they prefer to arrange their marriages on their own. But d u think it is correct from the side of the parents to put pressureon their children in the form of "If u do that you will see me only as a dead body" usw. I think this from of presurre shouldn´t be there. After all a problem should be faced by the participants. The way of others entering the arena and giving build ups are utterly unnecessary.

[/tscii:2651f76c8b]

[pavalamani pragasam]

Knowing my children through & through such a chance is utterly impossible, hence never thought about it! But since you ask...such things do happen in our families also!

We can't cut our nose to spite the face. It would have caused a lot of bitterness. We would have given in with trepidations about the child's marital bliss. A cold distance would have developed between us.

But time heals all bruises esp if the child's chosen partner fits my idea of married life described in our old literature: semmaN mEl vizuntha mazai neer semmaN niRaththiRku maaRividuvathu.

Respect for parents, parents duty to choose partners appadi ippadi-nnu conscious-aa ninaikkiRathillai; it is a very simple, straightforward, uncomplicated, implicit understanding, an allocation of what duties for whom- the children grow up with the feeling parents know what is best for them. It is no conscious dinning. It is all in the family atmosphere, the way we bring up our children, the way we interact.

The children dare not burn their fingers in such a grave matter. If it does turn bad even after parents' selection then it will be a collective process of repair, not a solitary tragedy.
100% ARROGANCE, EGOISM, SELF CENTRED THINKING :twisted: :evil: :twisted:

Compliments received with thanks! :D

[Roshan]

[tscii]

As u mentioned we are not going to disown our children and children don´t disown their parents if they prefer to arrange their marriages on their own.

Very well said Sivan :thumbsup: Who ever who does it - are not eligible or suitable for any kind of relationship or emotional bonding.




But d u think it is correct from the side of the parents to put pressureon their children in the form of "If u do that you will see me only as a dead body" usw. I think this from of presurre shouldn´t be there. After all a problem should be faced by the participants. The way of others entering the arena and giving build ups are utterly unnecessary.

Just reminds me of a dialogue in the movie "Bombay" - when Arvind Swamy ( a Hindu) asks permission to marry a Muslim girl - his father would furiously say - "naan setthathukku appuramthaan athu nadakkum" - then AS would immediately respond "athu varaikkum ennAla kaathuttu irukka mudiyaathu" - Though it sounds a bit arrogant a good 'Saattaiyadi' for those parents who resort to that kind of emotional black mailing.

[sivank]

Thanks Roshan, I remeber the scene in Bombay.

[Shakthiprabha.]

I think its rooted in the prior generation's ideologies. Difficult to change them, JUST LIKE HOW WE DONT change ours.

[sivank]

[tscii:19ca7e73b3]
I think its rooted in the prior generation's ideologies. Difficult to change them, JUST LIKE HOW WE DONT change ours.

Hi Sp,

how do u mean it "JUST LIKE WE DON´T CHANGE OURS"[/tscii:19ca7e73b3]

[Roshan]

I think its rooted in the prior generation's ideologies. Difficult to change them, JUST LIKE HOW WE DONT change ours.

No Shakthi - there are many parents over there who understand and respect their children's wish and choice. I can proudly quote my parents, my aunts, uncles and the parents of my friends as examples. Even here we can see many of that sort - Anou's parents and in-laws for example. Yaarum yaaraiyum thookki eriyala - vittuttu pOgala. No body disowned/detached anybody. It only enhanced the love, bonding, affection and respect for each other. No complaints, no qualms and no hard feelings. It's all up to the individual to come out, see the world and to provide appropriate freedom for the children to exercise their basic rights (chosing a partner, i consider as inidividual's basic right).

[Shakthiprabha.]

Sivan, Roshan,

I do not say, A WHOLE HERD of old gen dont understand the logic behind this. There are ppl who do.

What I meant however was, EVERY GEN has its own beliefs. If not lots of them, atleast some of them strictly adhere to it, and dont wanna think wider or think differently. Its nice to quote ur parents or anou's parents and I am sure, MOST OF US can quote our parents too for the same.

By that statement I meant,

any PERSON, of any belief, WOULD NOT give in, how much ever we reason out or explain the logics.

It holds good for ANY BELIEF. If u hold on it, we wont bend for another's view. Lots of time, even if the other's view may be right, we may have 'EGO' in letting go or accepting OTHER's views.

It was a general statement, ON HUMAN behaviour.

WE dont give in for others.
Its the same with others unto u.

[Anoushka]

the scene in Bombay :lol: I remember that clearly too!

PP madam: I am not against arranged marriages... My parents are looking for a girl for my brother. He thinks that will work for him, and that is fine with me!

All I am against is that when a son/daughter goes to a parent and has a mature chat about a life partner they have chosen, why does a parent have to think that they have caused bitterness? It is amazing to what extent a parent will go to stop their son/daughter getting married to a partner of their choice... just because the partner was not chosen by them!

Anyway, I don't think I have anything extra to add to this... so I leave it here :)

[dev]

:) :) :) :D :D :D

[Roshan]

:) :) :) :D :D :D

intha punnagai enna vilai-nu pAda thOnuthu ..but ippOthaikku - intha punnagai-ku enna artham-nu mattumthaan kEkka mudiyum :)

[Shakthiprabha.]

avanga ithayam sonna artham :D ...

[podalangai]

On a related note:

"The key to a happy relationship could be accepting that some miserable times are unavoidable, experts say. Therapists from California State University and Virginia Tech University say accepting these problems is better than striving for perfection. And they blame cultural fairytales and modern love stories for perpetuating the myth that a enjoying a perfect relationship is possible."

Read the full report at:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6711071.stm

[P_R]

Any discussion about 'Arranged marriage' reminds me of the opening lines of the economist John Kenneth Galbraith book American Capitalism. He starts beautifully by an analogy that surmises his disbelief on how the system works at all !
IT IS TOLD that such are the aerodynamics and wing-loading
of the bumblebee that, in principle, it cannot fly.(but) It does, :-)

[Shakthiprabha.]

Any discussion about 'Arranged marriage' reminds me of the opening lines of the economist John Kenneth Galbraith book American Capitalism. He starts beautifully by an analogy that surmises his disbelief on how the system works at all !
IT IS TOLD that such are the aerodynamics and wing-loading
of the bumblebee that, in principle, it cannot fly.(but) It does, :-)

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :thumbsup:

[kannannn]

Any discussion about 'Arranged marriage' reminds me of the opening lines of the economist John Kenneth Galbraith book American Capitalism. He starts beautifully by an analogy that surmises his disbelief on how the system works at all !
IT IS TOLD that such are the aerodynamics and wing-loading
of the bumblebee that, in principle, it cannot fly.(but) It does, :-)
And one of the first lessons we had in Aerodynamics is not to trust this common notion. It can indeed be proven that Bumblebees use complex Aerodynamics to fly. Unfortunately, there are no governing principles when it comes to human activity and interaction.

Anyway, no one seems keen on answering how two people can be forced to fall in love.

[Shakthiprabha.]

Anyway, no one seems keen on answering how two people can be forced to fall in love.

The QUESTION IS SO LOGICALLY WRONG, that ppl cant answer.

[kannannn]

Adhu eppadi.. puriyalaiye..

[Shakthiprabha.]

LOVE IS like a beautiful flower...

SO NATURAL and would bloom at its own pace, when it wants.

IT CANNOT BE forced upon.

Forcing love is like MAKING THE FLOWER BLOOM by hand and then say "hey it looks equally beautiful, aint not?"

[kannannn]

Thanks for explaining SP :). Makes sense to me

[thamiz]

* LOVE IS like a beautiful flower...

* SO NATURAL and would bloom at its own pace, when it wants.

* IT CANNOT BE forced upon.

* Forcing love is like MAKING THE FLOWER BLOOM by hand and then say "hey it looks equally beautiful, aint not?"

Flower has a life it closes after a while and it dies after some time. How about love? :roll:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Tamizh :roll:

The similie was clearly mentioned that it was for BLOSSOMING of love, not ITS LIFE OR DURABILITY.
How convenient to misinterpret examples!!!! :shock:

[Roshan]

Thanks for explaining SP :). Makes sense to me

Naan nenechEn neenga solliteenga ;)

Anyway SP,

Your answer summarises the whole thing ;) :)

[Shakthiprabha.]

roshan :) :thumbsup:

Ive always (for a long time) related falling in love with a blossoming of flower.

Famous song goes

"poo poothathai yaar paarthathu
kaathal kooda poovai pondrathu"

[P_R]

Anyway, no one seems keen on answering how two people can be forced to fall in love. hmm.... all this is a bit overrated IMO.

I'll bravely attempt to demolish the pink poetic haze around: 'love'. The poetry in 'there is someone out there for you' is all fine. But if there is exactly one out there, in the whole mass of people in the world, basic probability theory rules out meeting the one ever in one lifetime :-)

Every marriage - regardless of how it came into being - works because people get used to one another. So the sojji-bajji route, though seemingly an unbelievably horrible decision process: is not significantly inferior to self-selection. You get to know people only as you move on. Surprises and disappointments are in store.


Why everyone is cursing arranged marriages... there are certain ppl like me who count on arranged marriages to get a decent wife :cry2: AhA ! noothula oru vaarthai ! ditto ditto :thumbsup:


aallllllllllllllll of a sudden, the wholeeeeeeeeeeeee COMMUNITY and family and friends, START TEASING U...... :lol: well nailed... this is the most curious and hilarious reaction of all.

[thamiz]

Anyway, no one seems keen on answering how two people can be forced to fall in love.

The QUESTION IS SO LOGICALLY WRONG, that ppl cant answer.

Kannan:

When I was a kid we used to have pigeons in our home. It is really fun taking care of them.

When the daughter pigeons grow up to become a "full grown" male and female, sometimes, we chose who should become whose partner.

We put male and female in one "small room" and provide even food inside that "room".

Believe it or not, 90% cases, they will become partner and have kids!

I dont know, I believe, here they had been forced to love and it did work out. They are better than humans and they dont fool around like human folks! They generally 'lived" with one partner for ever! :)

[Tia]

i would find it soo strange if my parents look for a guy tht suits me....i'd rather find one myself :roll: but then agen...dont mind arranged long as i've know the boy for long! :D

[Sudhaama]

.
.Boy said: "I prefer.. ARRANGED MARRIAGE".!!

I know one case... where the Parents (Forward Community), especially the Boy's Mother was so much attached and affectionate..

... towards her lovable Son, a Gentleman of high principles and calibre... well-educated and employed as Engineer..

..was permitted to LOVE ANY GIRL of any Caste, Language, Religion and Nationality...

..whom the Parents were prepared to accept and get married.. and allow them to stay aloof from them... on Thani-Kudithanam.

He was asked to inform them.. if he had any such proposal.. ready on hand.

Whereas the Boy, Quite handsome and well-mannered, employed at a remote place ... said "Amma several girls advanced towards me offering their Love and proposing for marriage... even their parents too..

.. but I have not yielded to their offer...even though some of them extremely pretty, highly rich...offering a higher independant status as their Son-in-law...

.. because, Amma I PREFER only an ARRANGED MARRIAGE.. Why?

(1) If I am allowed to choose my would-be wife... at my present day youth... my top-most Criteria will be the Girl's Beauty... which is no doubt... one of the factors... NOT THE ONLY FACTOR... nor the Main criteria.

(2) If I love a girl or prepared to consider... who is attracted by MY LOOK...

...such a basis will be wrong. Since that impression and image will continue... only until I am her lover...

..But when the girl owns me by marriage.. such a girl's psychology will become different. Her outlook and preferences as wife, will have to become different.

..Then the glamour will lose its main role but will be superseded by personal ego... as we have seen practically in several cases.

(3) Some people offering heavy dowry, status etc... to cover up their Social-disparity... either by Caste or Religion...

.. and some are very poor... cannot dream to match with me..

..which factors in case of Love-Marriage will be IGNORED...

..So they try to avoid approaching you but luring me... by way of SIDE-ATTRACTIONS.

(4) Some other girls with NO DISPARITY by Marital Qualifications ...

...yet fear that they will not be accepted in case of Arranged Marriage...

...because the Girls have already been rejected by many because of the girl's either Poor-Horoscope (Dosha-Jathakam).. or

...bad character-history.. by pre-marital relations.

... or the Girl is of Unwelcome propensities of Non-womanhood as... Rowdy... Quarrelsome... Non-co-operative... highly arrogant and egoistic...

..although VERY PRETTY for look.

If I enter into Love-affair... with anyone of these girls...I will have to succumb to Love only...

...which may be successful spending HAPPY DAYS as long as we are Lovers...

... but... I will become BLIND TO REALITIES of Life... necessary for the Couple..

.. since I will tend to ignore the Main criteria for the WIFE...

...which is DIFFERENT FROM A LOVER... the Girl-friend.

So my dear Amma... if I propose any one of these girls, can I be happy as a Husband... especially in the long run?

I need a Loving good Girl... fit enough to be my Wife, Mother and Daughter-in-law ... of amicable Family-values.

...which You my parents.. since more experienced in life...

.. and know me well in and out... more than what I know about myself... can perform better than me...

... FOR YOUR LOVING SON'S SAKE.

Thus You my Parents only... are well-Qualified enough to evaluate and RECOMMEND TO ME...

...the suitable match for your affectionate son..

...and NOT DIRECTLY BY MYSELF...

You will thoroughly enquire the background and personal history of each girl..

.. and can ADJUDGE better on various proposals...FROM THE GIRLS PARENTS.... than me a youth after all."

Accordingly the Parents took the lead to invite and consider various proposals...

... recommended a few amongst them... for FINAL SELECTION by the Boy.

... with No conditions, No dowry, No demands on either sides.

The Boy and the Girls had repeated long discussions in privacy for MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING.

Out of them.. One of the Girls... mutually well-matching in all respects.. including BEAUTY...impressed one and all... ESPECIALLY THE BOY.

They got married... Successfully leading a Happy Married Life with Children now.

..Both the sides are VERY HAPPY... NO COMPROMISE...

.. but only TRUE MUTUAL LOVE and Sincerety.
.

[tvsankar]

Dear Sudhama,
Prob garadhu edho boy ku Girl nala gara mahdiri iruku unga report.

Idhae arranged marriage la enga family la past 15 years la,

relative Girls ku nadandhadhu

1. Oru Boy - Bad habit of GAmbling.

2.Other Boy - impotent

3.Another boy - Mentally ill

Ippadi seri illadha paiyanai thalaiyil kattaradhuku arranged marriage romba sowgaryam - for boy"s side,

Love marriage la indha thavaru elllam munnadiyae therinjudum.

but only TRUE MUTUAL LOVE and Sincerety. -IDhu dhan Nalla pongaluku irukum Good Quality.Indha gunam endha madhiri Boy kedaichalum, Girl side la irundhu Boy ku kidaikum.

Naan sonna enga relative side la - Seri illadha Husband ai vechundu Andha Girls ellam Familyai Munnuku kondu vandhanga.Vandhundum irukanga.With their IN LAWS)

Idhu dhan India la Good Girls oda Best Quality.

[pavalamani pragasam]

Rules have exceptions! :D

[tvsankar]

pp mam,

Marriage garadhu enna school or office? Rules or exveption garadhuku...

Marriage garadhu Oru LIFE for Boy or Girl.....

Sudhama,

Girls oda complaints ellam sonnengalae.

1.Jadhagam seri iandha jadhagam

2. some are very poor... cannot dream to match with me..


3. Some other girls with NO DISPARITY by Marital Qualifications
4. bad character-history.. by pre-marital relations.

Innum sila -ve points solli irueenga..

Indha -ve points irukum Boy ku ellam andha kalathil irundhu indha kalam varai

Arranged Marriage la - Periyavanga ellam Dhairiyama kalyanam pannitu, Girls ai kodumaiyum paduthi irukanga

Idhilae dialogue vera - Paanai pidichava Bhagyam

husband ai vechuka theriyalai etc.....

Idhu dhan Male Chavanism.....

Adharkaga female Chavanism right nu solla varalai.

Anal Arranged Marriage la irundha BOy side attagasam Seri illai......

[Sudhaama]

.
Human-Failures POSSIBLE both cases. NOT SYSTEM FAULT.


Dear Sudhama,
Prob garadhu edho boy ku Girl nala gara mahdiri iruku unga report.

Idhae arranged marriage la enga family la past 15 years la,

relative Girls ku nadandhadhu

1. Oru Boy - Bad habit of GAmbling.

2.Other Boy - impotent

3.Another boy - Mentally ill

Ippadi seri illadha paiyanai thalaiyil kattaradhuku arranged marriage romba sowgaryam - for boy"s side,

Love marriage la indha thavaru elllam munnadiyae therinjudum.

but only TRUE MUTUAL LOVE and Sincerety. -IDhu dhan Nalla pongaluku irukum Good Quality.Indha gunam endha madhiri Boy kedaichalum, Girl side la irundhu Boy ku kidaikum.

Naan sonna enga relative side la - Seri illadha Husband ai vechundu Andha Girls ellam Familyai Munnuku kondu vandhanga.Vandhundum irukanga.With their IN LAWS)

Idhu dhan India la Good Girls oda Best Quality.

Yes.. As I have narrated one of the cases of Cheating Girls... by LOVE-MARRIAGE..

...I also know several more cases of Cheating Boys too... by Love-Marriage.

Chances of Cheating is remote in Arranged Marriages...

...because it is a Collective effort of the whole family...

...especially more of EXPERIENCED ELDERS.

So it can be easily detected at the root itself... before Betrothal...

...whereas in Love-Marriage... the Girl and Boy only decide initially and urge the proposal with their Parents to approve.

There is not enough room nor alternative options for the Parents on either side..

..as also to enquire and ascertain the veracity of the background of either of the couple.

So the Cheaters prefer the Love-Marriage path...

... EXPLOITING THE YOUNGSTERS.
.

[thamiz]

So the Cheaters prefer the Love-Marriage path

Mr. SudhAmA!!!

ithellAm too much! :(

[Roshan]

- edited by Author -

[thamiz]

Mr. SudhAmA, even in sixties, some people believed that, "love" and "love marriage" is the "right way" to straighten out our society. It is certainly an appreciable thought and never considered as cheating or whatsoever! :)

A song from aduththa veettu peN!

---------------------------

ஜோதியினால்...
பேரின்பம் எங்கும் பொங்கும்
இவ்வையம் தங்கும் மெய்யன்பினால்
பேதமெல்லாம் அழியும் - இப்புவிமேல்
அன்பு மழை பொழியும்.

(பிரேமையின்)

பாரில் பிரேமை ஒன்றில்லையானால்
சீருலாவிடுமோ.. ஓ...
ஜீவன் வாழ்ந்திடுமோ.... - மெய்யன்பினால்
துன்பம் மறைந்தொழியும் - இப்புவிமேல்
இன்ப மழை பொழியும்.. ஓ..

(பிரேமையின்)

மனத்தாலே நினைத்தாலும் இனிப்பாகும் எண்ணம்
மாறாது வளர் காதல் கொண்டாலே திண்ணம்..ஓ..
ஆணும் பெண்ணும் அன்பாலே இணைந்தால்
அமர வாழ்வல்லவோ.. மெய்யன்பினால்
ஜாதி மறைந்தொழியும் - இப்புவிமேல்
னீதி மழை பொழியும் .. ஓ..

(பிரேமையின்)

-----------------------------

Thanks to madhu! :)

[Nerd]

...especially more of EXPERIENCED ELDERS.

So it can be easily detected at the root itself... before Betrothal...
Lets say I am a moron. My parents are well respected and have a reputation in the society. They let the girl talk with me and I flatter her with my glib talks. The girl's parents know my family very well but not ME. Now, how can they speculate the success of the marriage without knowing an inch about me?




So the Cheaters prefer the Love-Marriage path...

... EXPLOITING THE YOUNGSTERS.
.

Cheaters??? Who are they trying to cheat?? Only two people are essential for the success of any marriage. The bride and the groom themselves. Others are secondary!

[Wibha]

intha tread innum poindirukka :banghead: :lol2:

[Roshan]

Mr. SudhAmA, even in sixties, some people believed that, "love" and "love marriage" is the "right way" to straighten out our society. It is certainly an appreciable thought and never considered as cheating or whatsoever! :)

A song from aduththa veettu peN!

---------------------------

ஜோதியினால்...
பேரின்பம் எங்கும் பொங்கும்
இவ்வையம் தங்கும் மெய்யன்பினால்
பேதமெல்லாம் அழியும் - இப்புவிமேல்
அன்பு மழை பொழியும்.


SariyA pOchu.. neenga vEra thamiz.... ippO itha pArthuttu intha cinema (pAttu), media - thaan ellA youngstersaiyum keduthu kutti chuvarAkkiduchunnu vanthu solla pOraanga :lol2:

[Shakthiprabha.]

.

So the Cheaters prefer the Love-Marriage path...

... EXPLOITING THE YOUNGSTERS.
.

When some of u have come to SUCH BRILLIANT conclusion, there is NOTHING to argue more.

[sivank]

Mr. SudhAmA, even in sixties, some people believed that, "love" and "love marriage" is the "right way" to straighten out our society. It is certainly an appreciable thought and never considered as cheating or whatsoever! :)

A song from aduththa veettu peN!

---------------------------

ஜோதியினால்...
பேரின்பம் எங்கும் பொங்கும்
இவ்வையம் தங்கும் மெய்யன்பினால்
பேதமெல்லாம் அழியும் - இப்புவிமேல்
அன்பு மழை பொழியும்.

(பிரேமையின்)

பாரில் பிரேமை ஒன்றில்லையானால்
சீருலாவிடுமோ.. ஓ...
ஜீவன் வாழ்ந்திடுமோ.... - மெய்யன்பினால்
துன்பம் மறைந்தொழியும் - இப்புவிமேல்
இன்ப மழை பொழியும்.. ஓ..

(பிரேமையின்)

மனத்தாலே நினைத்தாலும் இனிப்பாகும் எண்ணம்
மாறாது வளர் காதல் கொண்டாலே திண்ணம்..ஓ..
ஆணும் பெண்ணும் அன்பாலே இணைந்தால்
அமர வாழ்வல்லவோ.. மெய்யன்பினால்
ஜாதி மறைந்தொழியும் - இப்புவிமேல்
னீதி மழை பொழியும் .. ஓ..
(பிரேமையின்)

-----------------------------

Thanks to madhu! :)



Beautiful one, thanks madhu and thamizh

[dsath]

Thought shouldn't reignite this, but had to answer this as some one who has opted for the arranged marriage route.

Anyway, no one seems keen on answering how two people can be forced to fall in love.
I think it is a bit harsh when u say 2 people are forced to fall in love.There is a difference between doing something willingly and unwillingly.
I think in the case of arranged marriage they fall in love willingly and sort/adjust/compromise. There is no question of force here. Ony when the marriage is forced should the question arise.



Lets say I am a moron. My parents are well respected and have a reputation in the society. They let the girl talk with me and I flatter her with my glib talks. The girl's parents know my family very well but not ME. Now, how can they speculate the success of the marriage without knowing an inch about me?

The same things can happen in a love marriage. Many people can put up a completely different face. In the case of arranged marriage you are relying on your parent's wisdom to differentiate between good and bad. In the case of love marriage you are relying on your wisdom.
In either case the family should rally behind you if there is a problem. If not, then there is no point in having a family.


So the Cheaters prefer the Love-Marriage path

What a shame, an act - love that comes naturally to all human beings should be termed as Cheating !!!!!!
Well on second thoughts there are exceptions of course, like adultery.

[Nakeeran]

So the Cheaters prefer the Love-Marriage path

This comment was made by Mr. Sudhama no ?!

Hindu mythological stories have many love marriages :

>>>> Parvathi ( devotion + love ) & Shiva

>>>> Rukmani & Krishna

>>>> valli & Karthikeya

>>>> Sita & Ram also no ?

Can we classify them also as love cheaters ? :shock:

How can we generalize something which might have faltered occasionally ?

Chief Sudhama, pls review your comments and give a clear reasoning .

[Nerd]

Dsath: I thought we all were talking about sincere, *mature* love wherein you have made up your mind that he/she is the one. Also, true family should be behind you if there is a problem but what if family is THE problem?

[kannannn]

Let me also clear my point.. :D

I think in the case of arranged marriage they fall in love willingly and sort/adjust/compromise. There is no question of force here. Ony when the marriage is forced should the question arise.
Do they have any other option :) ? That's my question..

[Sudhaama]

.
Both sorts of Marriage have their due Values.!!.. But??

.Is Love-Marriage the Bad-Option?

Oh!.. Surprised to note... Of late my friends hastily start commenting and criticising on my latest postings...

..whichever single-posting my friend may hapen to view...

..without seeing my previous postings on the relevant point...

.. nor the overall sense of my stand... conveyed through several postings here.

I have already mentioned that...

" I would not say which of these two, is Right or Wrong... Worse or Better..

Even in our Puranas and Literature... Love Marriage has been authorised.... (quoting Examples).

But... but... One Man's Food is another Man's Poison.

So each has to choose the one of the options as he/she may feel suitable and the best applicable in the individual case. "

.Cheats prefer Love-Marriage Path.!!

If we happen to note a News-report... stating that from several episodes by experience we find now-a-days...

... "Thiefs prefer Back-door entry"..

...then does it mean that all who enters the Houses by BACK-DOOR are Thiefs?

..Or the Back-door is Not at all fit for entry?

..Or the Back-door is Not a Door at all?

But it means that the Thiefs find it better for their convenience...

...and that the Back-door is of poorer safety comparatively...

...as also the most Vulnerable for the Owner of the House.
.

[tvsankar]

But it means that the Thiefs find it better for their convenience...

Dear Sudhama,
Indha velaiyai adhavadhu Cheat panravanga

CHOOSE BOTH
THE ARRANGED MARRAIGE AND LOVE MARRIAGE.

But, in your view, it sounds like, Cheaters ONLY SELECT THE LOVE PATH.

Unmai kadhal enbadhu - Ishta patta iruvar, KASHTAPATTU SERVADHU DHAN KADHAL......

[thamiz]

Cheats prefer Love-Marriage Path.!!

If we happen to note a News-report... stating that from several episodes by experience we find now-a-days...

... "Thiefs prefer Back-door entry"..

Mr. SudhamA!

This is 21st century and you have got to bring back yourself there first.

* There are cases where parents LET their children choose their partners by love or whatever. They are open-minded enough to understand the feeling of children and realize that the world is not the same and it is changing. Nobody has any right to tell anything about their decision about their beloved children's future life either.

So, please stop using inappropriate words here! Thanks! :)

[dsath]

[tscii:909c01783e]
Dsath: I thought we all were talking about sincere, *mature* love wherein you have made up your mind that he/she is the one. Also, true family should be behind you if there is a problem but what if family is THE problem?
Hmm Nerd, what can i say abt matured love.
One of my best friend’s marriage was a love marriage. Both of them were my classmates at college. They didn’t love each other in college, but somehow managed to fall in love when they were 25. While talking abt the marriage she mentioned that ‘I told ********* that I will not marry him if my parents don’t agree. Luckily my father agreed’. Now would you call that sincere, matured love? I don’t know, I have my own doubts. :roll:

For the other part of your comment, in my experience even extremely conservative parents can be toned down if you follow the right approach. A similar incident happened with a member of my family. We (hubby and me) pitched in and manipulated the situation and succeeded in uniting 2 love birds. They are happily married now. Thinking back even i am surprised about the parents accepting their child's self chosen life partners, in fact the girl’s dad has disowned her earlier. And when i say conservative, i am not exaggerating. Hence my belief, family can be worked around and initial bitterness would certainly give way.
[/tscii:909c01783e]

[dsath]

Let me also clear my point.. :D

I think in the case of arranged marriage they fall in love willingly and sort/adjust/compromise. There is no question of force here. Ony when the marriage is forced should the question arise.
Do they have any other option :) ? That's my question..
They do have other options, to opt out of the marriage and choose their life partner and i don't disagree with that.
I also believe that arranged marriage is not abnormal and certainly not forced if both the people involved in the marriage are willing to give it a go. My marriage was arranged (if my parents had allowed me to choose i would have remained unmarried - who would be willing to marry a man hating feminist, which i was in my hey days :oops: ) and after 7 years and 2 children i don't regret it a bit. It just worked out fine for me, and i recommend everyone to get married now. When people ask me how 2 persons with such varied interests get along, my answer is opposite poles attract.
One other thing i noticed is that, all my friends and acquaintance who chose love marriage speak abt arranged marriage as if its some sort of an untouchable thing. I can't understand this intolerance. :(

[Sudhaama]

.
.Wish You all Best Married Life.!!

Why I initiated this Thread?

Not to Teach you.. Nor Thrust my Opinion... Not even my Conclusions.

..but to put forth the COLLECTIVE BRAINS of all of you...the Global wisdom...

..based on their Valuable multi-faceted PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE...

..including mine.. of Long years...both in Love & Arranged..

... VARIETIES OF TRUE EPISODES.. Emulative, Exemplary and Invaluable Lessons for others.. in their interests...

...Best USEFUL to the Unmarried as well as the Married.

In fact I am putting forth both the sides of observations based on my FACTUAL EXPERIENCE seen and known...

... on both the sorts... according to the trend of discussion.

It is left to you to accept or disagree with me... BASED ON YOUR EXPERIENCE...

In fact I WELCOME such Pro and Anti Views from one and all of you...OPEN-MINDEDLY.

I am surprised to note... that in spite of my ample clarification of my stand UNBIASED to any side...

...some of you are DOUBTING ME...as if I am against Love- Marriage path.!!

For Your information... by God's grace...

.. One of my Daughters marriage is a Successful Love-Marriage.!!!
.

[Hey Ram]

I think Mr Sudhama is misunderstood!!


.Cheats prefer Love-Marriage Path.!!

Well.. My interpretation of what he's written is very simple.. "Cheaters prefer lover marriage path.".. But he hasn't really said "Lover marriages are prefered by Cheatersa alone" There's a conspicuous difference between the intended meaning and intepretted meanings 8-)

And I'm of the fervent opinion that the possibility of fraud is relatively higher in love marriages because of the collective & meticulous efforts of two or more families. Though I am not discounting the fraud in arranged marriage. It's there in both type of marriages, but higher in love marriages.

[Nerd]

.
.
For Your information... by God's grace...

.. One of my Daughters marriage is a Successful Love-Marriage.!!!
.

:clap: :clap: :clap:

And dsath, the second part of your post is very sweet indeed. But one of my close friends had to give up her love because her parents threatened her that they will kill themselves. What the..........

But she was chicken enough to fall for that. Now she is married to some other guy and I have almost lost touch with her :(

[kannannn]

I will clear any misconceptions people may have of my 'belligerent' posts. I don't look down upon people who choose to have their marriages arranged. To do that would be against my liberal views. To each his own.

Every kind of marriage has its own success and failures. Good relationships exist in both cases. I do not contradict that fact. But, I firmly believe that love cannot be willed and has to stem naturally between two people (I would be clueless if someone asked me to find a match for them). Hence my argument against the process of arranged marriage.

With that I sign off from this thread. :wave: :wave:

[thamiz]

.
.. One of my Daughters marriage is a Successful Love-Marriage.!!!
.

Good, glad to know cheaters succeed too! :lol:

[Sudhaama]

.
.. One of my Daughters marriage is a Successful Love-Marriage.!!!
.

Good, glad to know cheaters succeed too! :lol:

Dear Thamiz,

Do You take pleasure in WOUNDING OTHERS?

I am very sorry...You are crossing your bounds.

I did not say... that anybody was cheated by this Love-Marriage.

If you have not caught my point... please ask me for clarification...

I have clearly stated that both the sorts of Marriage-systems are GOOD..

...left to the choice of the Individual... both have their unique Plus and Minus points of different sorts.

Due to certain Lacunae in Love-marriage approach... some Cheaters prefer to adopt the Love-Marriage path.

I have enough of experience seen and well-known since long years... to affirmatively say so... COMPARATIVELY.

But I never meant that all the Love-Marriage seekers are Cheaters.

.. Nor the other Side... Nor Vice Versa.
.

[thamiz]

Mr. SudhAmA!

It is you who have wounded several people here (who are married by loving each other) by calling them Cheaters! 8-)

It is really unfortunate you dont realize what you are doing! :(

[Sudhaama]

.

Mr. SudhAmA!

It is you who have wounded several people here (who are married by loving each other) by calling them Cheaters! 8-)

It is really unfortunate you dont realize what you are doing! :
(

Where have I said so... GENERALISING all the Love-Marriages?

When one of our friends raised such a trace of doubt.. I immediately clarified as below.

Both sorts of Marriage have their due Values.!!.. But??

.Is Love-Marriage the Bad-Option?

Oh!.. Surprised to note... Of late my friends hastily start commenting and criticising on my latest postings...

..whichever single-posting my friend may hapen to view...

..without seeing my previous postings on the relevant point...

.. nor the overall sense of my stand... conveyed through several postings here.

I have already mentioned that...

" I would not say which of these two, is Right or Wrong... Worse or Better..

Even in our Puranas and Literature... Love Marriage has been authorised.... (quoting Examples).

But... but... One Man's Food is another Man's Poison.

So each has to choose the one of the options as he/she may feel suitable and the best applicable in the individual case. "

.Cheats prefer Love-Marriage Path.!!

If we happen to note a News-report... stating that from several episodes by experience we find now-a-days...

... "Thiefs prefer Back-door entry"..

...then does it mean that all who enters the Houses by BACK-DOOR are Thiefs?

..Or the Back-door is Not at all fit for entry?

..Or the Back-door is Not a Door at all?

But it means that the Thiefs find it better for their convenience...

...and that the Back-door is of poorer safety comparatively...

...as also the most Vulnerable for the Owner of the House.
.

[Nakeeran]

Mr.Sudhama,

Still for our small brains, we are unable to fathom what you post and what you intend to post

Any neutral reader will immediately conclude that your earlier quote is inflammable .

Me too totally taken aback by your words. Sorry

[sivank]

[tscii:a46292b86c]

Cheats prefer Love-Marriage Path.!!

If we happen to note a News-report... stating that from several episodes by experience we find now-a-days...

... "Thiefs prefer Back-door entry"..

Mr. SudhamA!

This is 21st century and you have got to bring back yourself there first.

* There are cases where parents LET their children choose their partners by love or whatever. They are open-minded enough to understand the feeling of children and realize that the world is not the same and it is changing. Nobody has any right to tell anything about their decision about their beloved children's future life either.

So, please stop using inappropriate words here! Thanks! :)



Very good one Thamizh.

That´s what I am going to do with my children. Nothing is more important than my children´s happiness. Hope u see from this aspect Mr.SUDHAAMAA[/tscii:a46292b86c]

[Sudhaama]

.
Dear Sivank,

You too have MIS-UNDERSTOOD me despite my clear wordings...

...further clarified too.

I have already mentioned that one of My daughter's is a Successful Love Marriage...

...with the least objection from me... but whole-hearted Consent and Co-operation


Mr. SudhAmA!

It is you who have wounded several people here (who are married by loving each other) by calling them Cheaters! 8-)

It is really unfortunate you dont realize what you are doing! :
(

Where have I said so... GENERALISING all the Love-Marriages?

When one of our friends raised such a trace of doubt.. I immediately clarified as below.

Both sorts of Marriage have their due Values.!!.. But??

.Is Love-Marriage the Bad-Option?

Oh!.. Surprised to note... Of late my friends hastily start commenting and criticising on my latest postings...

..whichever single-posting my friend may hapen to view...

..without seeing my previous postings on the relevant point...

.. nor the overall sense of my stand... conveyed through several postings here.

I have already mentioned that...

" I would not say which of these two, is Right or Wrong... Worse or Better..

Even in our Puranas and Literature... Love Marriage has been authorised.... (quoting Examples).

But... but... One Man's Food is another Man's Poison.

So each has to choose the one of the options as he/she may feel suitable and the best applicable in the individual case. "

.Cheats prefer Love-Marriage Path.!!

If we happen to note a News-report... stating that from several episodes by experience we find now-a-days...

... "Thiefs prefer Back-door entry"..

...then does it mean that all who enters the Houses by BACK-DOOR are Thiefs?

..Or the Back-door is Not at all fit for entry?

..Or the Back-door is Not a Door at all?

But it means that the Thiefs find it better for their convenience...

...and that the Back-door is of poorer safety comparatively...

...as also the most Vulnerable for the Owner of the House.
.

[thamiz]

Mr. SudhamA:

I believe you are saying that we all misunderstood (especially me) and misinterpreted what you really meant!

In that case, I am sorry! :)

Take it easy and take care! :D

[Sudhaama]

.
.Love Marriage ...THEN and NOW.???...!!!

This Posting...also renders the Answers...to the valid Question...

..Why some Marriages fail... subsequently.?

Love Marriage is one of the Authentic Nine-Systems of Marriage..as per Indian Culture.

But the Love Marriage as RECOGNISED by Indian-Heritage...

...is FAR DIFFERENT and CONTRARY... to the present day BASIS OF LOVE-MARRIAGE...

..IMITATED on the so called Modern Western-Culture...

...ESPECIALLY the U.S. AMERICAN way of outlook on Marriage.

Indian Love Marriage was based on not only true Mutual-Love... but also based on SINCERETY FOR EVER...

...even after Marriage... the Criteria for which are although different from that of just Lovers

So to say... the Indian Love Marriages were based on the firm underlying principle...

...that Marriage is a SACRAMANT..

....to mean... whether you my LIFE-PARTNER perform your due Role and Duty...sincerely as per your moral commitment or not...

...I will sincerely perform my Moral commitment as I am committed to... and then...

..I will demand from you... my Right to have your RECIPROCAL COMMITMENT and Duty to me.

Whereas the Westerners outlook on Love-Marriage.. is that...

...Marriage is AN AGREEMENT.

So to mean... similar to any Business or Trade-Agreements...

...my Commitments are CONDITIONAL...

If you perform such and such... and deliver me so and so...

... Reciprocally I will do such and such... and pay you so and so.

If You fail on any part of it... I too have an EQUAL right... LOGICALLY..

.. to proportionately...FAIL ON MY SIDE too... Voluntarily and INTENTIONALLY.

..REFUSE and Withdraw on my commitment and duty to you...

...partly or wholly... as I feel correct and right in my interests.

Such terms are No doubt... are Well Applicable for Business...

But can it be applicable for the Marriage.. so called WEDLOCK?

Is Marriage ...just a BUSINESS.?

Yes... that is the Westerners Outlook on Marriage...

..on which some of them are FED UP... and so now-a-days ..

... come in search of Asian girls...Especially INDIANS... who still cherish the Homely-values...

..by Treating Marriage as a SACRAMENT...Not an AGREEMENT.!!!.
.

[Madhu Sree]

:think:

Gr8 thread... :thumbsup:

I love the second option... :cool2:

But, I also prefer arranged marraige :?

hee hee hee :noteeth:

[Wibha]

indha threadukku pootu podanum :evil:

[littlemaster1982]

Wibha,

Shall we continue the arguments :lol2:

[Wibha]

I still support arranged marriages :lol2: any doubts? :evil:

[crazy]

manam pol vaazhvu or sth ???

avanga avanga istham pola kalyaanam pannikkiraanga...ithula naama solla enna irukku :huh:

orutharukku sarinnu thondrathu mathavarukku sarinu padanumngira avasiyam edhum illai...

arrange marriage thaan 100% sari endro, illai love marriage thaan 100% sarin endro ingu solla mudiyaathu......

[Madhu Sree]

vaasi, true :thumbsup:

[ajaybaskar]

I support love marriage..badly..madly...

Because I have other option...

[littlemaster1982]

Ajay,

Puriyalaiye :confused2:

[crazy]

I like the 2nd option, but I know that wont be the case for me :oops:
Our parents get too much involved into the child's marriage/love life :oops:
pudhimathi sollurathu ennamo sari thaan....aana love marriage'ku strong objection kudukkurathu ellaam konjam over :oops:

pattathaan puriyumnu vittutanum :?
there is nothing to lose in love ..u learn either way

anyway ...i am destined to meet/love/marry my Valluvan :bow:

(ithulla edha sonnaalum, enakku veetila seruppundo)

[P_R]

Er... Valluvan, if the kuRAL is any indication, can be quite a toughie

[Madhu Sree]

I really like 3rd option but dont know abt my fate :roll:

But 2nd option is always 'THE BEST' :yes:

[ajaybaskar]

Ajay,

Puriyalaiye :confused2:

Yenna...Ennudhu Love marriage... :D

[crazy]

PR, puriyala :oops:

ignoring parents sound very :? why dont u edit it, sudhama ayya?

we dont ignore them, they ignore us...or they fail to understand us :?

[pavalamani pragasam]

By and large which method, love or arranged, has proven better, lasted long and happily is the topic, I gather.
Times are changing, and that too very fast. One thing I have observed in the past few years is many of our friends and relatives who have settled down in US have invariably settled for love marriages and that too with non-Tamilian and non-Indian partners. The reasons are only too obvious: lifestyle differences making interaction of the sexes freer than at homeland; scarcity of choice among NRI families of the same community; reluctance of India-based families to accept foreign sil or dil(incompatibility on many planes). But in India the scenario however fast it is changing has not turned topsy-turvy yet. Sons and daughters still need parents' patronage and enjoy closer traditional family formalities keeping in touch with an old set of values pertaining to family relationships. A sort of sweet interdependence on the emotional plane making life more meaningful and happy. As such in most families, even in these 'modern' times girls and boys prefer their parents to choose their partners. A confidence and respect lies under this attitude. Parents these days do not stand in the way of their children's independent choice if they have confidence in the maturity of their children in this matter. But more often than not, misguided by the newly acquired freedom, the sudden release from restraints make many youth to go overboard with their youthful zest, infatuation hindering their sensible judgement, over-confidence in marital 'success' unaware of their lack of worldly knowledge. Act in haste and rue at leisure is the result with many couples who are totally unprepared for what they are entering into. Such a result is rare in arranged marriages. We are stating only the general trend, the majority of the result. And not about exceptions which are sadly on the increase due to greed of elders and maladjustment of the couples' egoes.
One thing is clear: arranged or love, marriage's demands are great for it to continue for ever and happily. This is what should be borne in mind by the would-be brides and grooms. When/if that perception is there there seems to be no great difference between the advisability of choosing this or that!

[littlemaster1982]

Ajay,

Puriyalaiye :confused2:

Yenna...Ennudhu Love marriage... :D

I didn't understand the other line in your post "Because I have other option" :confused2:

[P_R]

PR, puriyala :oops:

The thirukkuRaL has some verses about woman/wife's role which may today be considered kinda regressive. I was just trying to pull your leg that Valluvan may not be the ideal prince charming. :-)

[ajaybaskar]

Ajay,

Puriyalaiye :confused2:

Yenna...Ennudhu Love marriage... :D

I didn't understand the other line in your post "Because I have other option" :confused2:

Oh... No other optionnu type panna vittutten... :confused2:

[crazy]

oh ...naan(hopefully) adjust pannikkuven :)

[Sarna]

oh ...naan adjust pannikkuven :)

confidence :thumbsup:

[pavalamani pragasam]

oh ...naan(hopefully) adjust pannikkuven :)

athaavathu kiNaththula thaNNi iRaikkumpOthu kooppittaa paathiyila vaaLiya vittuttu Odi varuveenga! Appadi varaNumnu ethirpaar-nnu modern emancipated women assert, athellaam male chauvnism illai, enakku piriyam athigam-nu solReenga!!! :lol:

[Sarna]

oh ...naan(hopefully) adjust pannikkuven :)

athaavathu kiNaththula thaNNi iRaikkumpOthu kooppittaa paathiyila vaaLiya vittuttu Odi varuveenga! Appadi varaNumnu ethirpaar-nnu modern emancipated women assert, athellaam male chauvnism illai, enakku piriyam athigam-nu solReenga!!! :lol:

bracket'la hopefully pOttirukkaaplayE .... adha neenga gavanikkalayaa ?

[crazy]

Maybe not exactly like that, but somehow yes :)

I dont see any problem in that
Respect and Love is all I need from him....

[Sarna]

Maybe not exactly like that, but somehow yes :)

I dont see any problem in that
Respect and Love is all I need from him....

:) ingadhaan sikkalE

[crazy]

Sorry I dont understand
I havent read thirukkural except for those few we had in school :oops:

someone care to explain me what valluvans meant about women ...

[sudha india]

Did anyone see Neeya - Naana in Vijay TV last Sunday ? (23.08.09)

The topic was about Love marriage - for and against, especially in the South side of Tamil Nadu.

One group was for love marriage and the other group was totally against it.

There was one man from one community (Cholar paramparai) saying -

"Enga community-la love panravanga irundha avanga kalyanam panradhukku munnadi THADUPPOM.

Apdiye sollama kollama kalyanam pannitangana VETTUVOM. Avanga tholainjanga.....

Another man says enga oorla yarum vera endha communitya sendhavangalai love panna koodathu. Apdi meeri panna avangala oora vittu thalli vechuduvangalam. Avanga parents will be taken inside the village only after they perform Karumadhi for the son/daughter who has fallen in love.

idhukku precautiona avanga pasangala veli oorukku padikka kooda anuppa maatangalam. When Gopinath asked him, "Is this not injustice to deprive a youngster of education ?". The man cooly said padikkadhavangalellam kooda neraiya saadhichurukkanga. Padippu onnum avasyam illai.

It was so shocking to hear this, that too in a public forum, in a talk show. Kolai pannuvomnu publica solranga......

[P_R]

தெய்வம் தொழாஅள் கொழுநன் தொழுதெழுவாள்
பெய்யனப் பெய்யும் மழை

Roughly translates to rain obeys the wife who worships her husband

[hamid]

தெய்வம் தொழாஅள் கொழுநன் தொழுதெழுவாள்
பெய்யனப் பெய்யும் மழை

Roughly translates to rain obeys the wife who worships her husband

Indiala panjam thalai virichi aaduthunnu sonnanga... ippathaan kaaranam puriyuthu :lol:

[Sarna]

தெய்வம் தொழாஅள் கொழுநன் தொழுதெழுவாள்
பெய்யனப் பெய்யும் மழை

Roughly translates to rain obeys the wife who worships her husband

Indiala panjam thalai virichi aaduthunnu sonnanga... ippathaan kaaranam puriyuthu :lol:

:lol:

[crazy]

kanavane kan kanda deivam :lol:

Hm..thiruvalluvar endha arthathila sonnaro enakku theriyala, but still I dont see anything wrong in that :)

worships = being truthful = loves = respects= puts her husband above all ???

[Sarna]

தெய்வம் தொழாஅள் கொழுநன் தொழுதெழுவாள்
பெய்யனப் பெய்யும் மழை

Roughly translates to rain obeys the wife who worships her husband

http://www.dinamalar.com/kural_detail.asp?kural_No=55

தெய்வம் தொழாஅள் கொழுநன் தொழுதெழுவாள்
பெய்யெனப் பெய்யும் மழை.

மு.வ : வேறு தெய்வம் தொழாதவளாய்த் தன் கணவனையே தெய்வமாகக் கொண்டு தொழுது துயிலெழுகின்றவள் பெய் என்றால் மழை பெய்யும்.

கருணாநிதி :கணவன் வாக்கினைக் கடவுள் வாக்கினை விட மேலானதாகக் கருதி அவனையே தொழுதிடும் மனைவி பெய் என ஆணையிட்டவுடன் அஞ்சி நடுங்கிப் பெய்கின்ற மழையைப் போலத் தன்னை அடிமையாக எண்ணிக் கொள்பவளாவாள்.

சாலமன் பாப்பையா :பிற தெய்வங்களைத் தொழாமல் கணவனையே தெய்வமாகத் தொழுது வாழும் மனைவி, பெய் என்று சொன்னால் மழை பெய்யும்.

me : enakku ennamO thiruvalluvar karpa paththi pEsuraarOnu thOnudhu :?

[hamid]

தெய்வம் தொழாஅள் கொழுநன் தொழுதெழுவாள்
பெய்யனப் பெய்யும் மழை

Roughly translates to rain obeys the wife who worships her husband

http://www.dinamalar.com/kural_detail.asp?kural_No=55

தெய்வம் தொழாஅள் கொழுநன் தொழுதெழுவாள்
பெய்யெனப் பெய்யும் மழை.

மு.வ : வேறு தெய்வம் தொழாதவளாய்த் தன் கணவனையே தெய்வமாகக் கொண்டு தொழுது துயிலெழுகின்றவள் பெய் என்றால் மழை பெய்யும்.

கருணாநிதி :கணவன் வாக்கினைக் கடவுள் வாக்கினை விட மேலானதாகக் கருதி அவனையே தொழுதிடும் மனைவி பெய் என ஆணையிட்டவுடன் அஞ்சி நடுங்கிப் பெய்கின்ற மழையைப் போலத் தன்னை அடிமையாக எண்ணிக் கொள்பவளாவாள்.

சாலமன் பாப்பையா :பிற தெய்வங்களைத் தொழாமல் கணவனையே தெய்வமாகத் தொழுது வாழும் மனைவி, பெய் என்று சொன்னால் மழை பெய்யும்.

me : enakku ennamO thiruvalluvar karpa paththi pEsuraarOnu thOnudhu :?

PR translation padichi, athu pathaama Kalainjar, paappayya ellam padichi innamum :? ? :shock: :mad:

[crazy]

come on ppl
that was written very long time ago...appo irundha samugathila naama ippo illai ..so avar sonna nalladha mattum ethukittu vaazhvome :)

Love is God= God is love= Love is Husband/bf/lover(whatever)

moththathile ellaame onne thaan pola ..... :? :)

[P_R]

கருணாநிதி :கணவன் வாக்கினைக் கடவுள் வாக்கினை விட மேலானதாகக் கருதி அவனையே தொழுதிடும் மனைவி பெய் என ஆணையிட்டவுடன் அஞ்சி நடுங்கிப் பெய்கின்ற மழையைப் போலத் தன்னை அடிமையாக எண்ணிக் கொள்பவளாவாள்.

I have read it before but it is impressive :clap:

Brilliant work by MK. One has to give it to him.

The two parts of the kuRaL are independent and the joining comes from our reading.

Traditional reading

தெய்வம் தொழாஅள் தொழுதெழுவாள் (சொன்னால்)
பெய்யெனப் பெய்யும் மழை

MK's reading
தெய்வம் தொழாஅள் தொழுதெழுவாள் (எப்படிப்பட்டவள் என்றால்)
பெய்யெனப் பெய்யும் மழை (போன்றவள்)

Sharp wit !

[P_R]

come on ppl Of course...I was just trying to pull your leg. Didn't expect the joke to get this elaborate. :oops:

[Sarna]

hamid, 2000 varushaththukku munnaala ezhudhappattadhu dhaanE thirukkural.... thiruvalluvar endha arththaththula ezudhunaar'nu yaarukkumE theriyaadhu...unmaidhaanE... palar porul vilakkam ezhudhunaanga... adhula perumbaanmaya yEtrukkollappattadhu dhaan innikku naama padikkura meaning AFAIK.... adhu dhaan sariyaana meaning'nu yaarumE vaadham panna mudiyaadhu/koodaadhu IMHO....

[hamid]

Sarna,

Beauty of Tamil is such that many phrases can be interpreted in diff ways..

But I think for every ThiruKural the essence of all interpretations are almost the same.

intha kural kanavan sol peechu keyttu nadakkuratha pathithaan solluthu.. karpa pathi pesala.. matra kural athai pathi peesum..

[Sarna]

hamid , just read the below line

தெய்வம் தொழாஅள் கொழுநன் தொழுதெழுவாள்

கொழுநன் - means kanavan'nu arththamaa ?

[sivank]

hamid , just read the below line

தெய்வம் தொழாஅள் கொழுநன் தொழுதெழுவாள்

கொழுநன் - means kanavan'nu arththamaa ?

amaam

[Sarna]

தெய்வந் தொழாஅள் கொழுநற் றொழுதெழுவாள்
பெய்யெனப் பெய்யு மழை (குறள் 55)

[Sarna]

hamid , just read the below line

தெய்வம் தொழாஅள் கொழுநன் தொழுதெழுவாள்

கொழுநன் - means kanavan'nu arththamaa ?

amaam

சான்று ?

[Raikkonen]

en family-laye all 3 marriages nadanthirukku :lol:

2nd is the best option surely

[sivank]

hamid , just read the below line

தெய்வம் தொழாஅள் கொழுநன் தொழுதெழுவாள்

கொழுநன் - means kanavan'nu arththamaa ?

amaam

சான்று ?சரவணா, எப்படி ஒரு கொடி ஒரு கழியை (பழந்தமிழில் கொழி) பிடிது படறுமோ, அது போல் ஒரு கொடி போன்ற மனைவி தனது வாழ்கையை கழியாகிய கனவனுடன் சேர்ந்து இல்லறம் நடத்துவாள். ( எப்பவோ, மு. வரதராசனார் எழுதிய பொருளுரையில் படித்த ஞாபகம்)

[Sarna]

just for fun ....maybe ippadi kooda irukkalaam....
அந்த காலத்துல பெண்கள அடிமைகளா நடத்துனாங்க ஆண்கள்..... அதனால ஆண்கள கொழுப்பெடுத்தவர்கள் அல்லது கொழுப்புள்ளவர்கள்'னு சொல்ல நெனச்சி கொழு'னு சொல்லியிருக்கலாம்..... அதுக்கு அடுத்து நன்'னு ஒரு சொல் போட்டு.... நல்லா கொழுப்பெடுத்தவங்க :rotfl: