THE TRANSITION

[southiecook]

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[Querida]

Hey what a clever way to start a story....here i was thinking logically we are going to hear the young man's life! Yet you have hooked my curiosity how what event could possibly move a young man to such an open display of emotion!

I too would like to hear the gems that fall from your old man's wisdom....

[crazy]

:shock: .......................then :)

[southiecook]

Hey what a clever way to start a story....here i was thinking logically we are going to hear the young man's life! Yet you have hooked my curiosity how what event could possibly move a young man to such an open display of emotion!

Thank you very much Querida, for your encouraging words !! Kindly keep reading the other parts as well and posting comments..



I too would like to hear the gems that fall from your old man's wisdom....

Me too... :D

[southiecook]

:shock: .......................then :)

Hmmm....thanks for reading through, Vaasi!! Let's wait and see..:)

[sipi]

nice description cook... introduction of the meeting and the suspence abt that story is nice...

:cry: i cant able to understand the first para.. its tough to me...

is it will happen a guy can cry in front of unknown person, even if they ask abt him??? (i am not sure abt it...) hmmm, maybe he will have a very sentimental story beside his hears... hope so... and waiting for that...

good try southie cook... :clap: to you...

[Shakthiprabha.]

and then? :P

(good one s.c, however its lil tough to believe someone can open up before a GANG OF TOTAL strangers :) )

waiting for the next.

[Shakthiprabha.]

ah sipi

GREAT PPL THINK ALIKE :D :D

[crazy]

:shock: .......................then :)

Hmmm....thanks for reading through, Vaasi!! Let's wait and see..:)

Why thanks?
i dont have anything to do other than reading stories :)

[southiecook]

nice description cook... introduction of the meeting and the suspence abt that story is nice...

:cry: i cant able to understand the first para.. its tough to me...

is it will happen a guy can cry in front of unknown person, even if they ask abt him??? (i am not sure abt it...) hmmm, maybe he will have a very sentimental story beside his hears... hope so... and waiting for that...

good try southie cook... :clap: to you...

I really thank you Sipi, for your comments..First para is just a reflection of the feelings of extremely desperate Jeeva, who was thinking about running away from life...

Yeah, let us wait for the following parts... :wink:

[southiecook]

and then? :P

(good one s.c, however its lil tough to believe someone can open up before a GANG OF TOTAL strangers :) )

waiting for the next.

SP, Thank you very much for reading through and comments.

yep, waiting for the next ...:) 8-)

[sipi]

ah sipi

GREAT PPL THINK ALIKE :D :D

please, dont compare shakthi, the great with an ordinary one... :D

endha story padichalum, adhulaiye muzhugiduven... naan andha maadhiri oru situation la eppadi nadandhupennu yosichine varuven... adhan, appadi thoninadhu... naanum life-il azhudhu iruken, but namma mela unmaiya akkarai irukuravanga, sentimental touchinga pesum bodhu... :D

[sipi]

I really thank you Sipi, for your comments..First para is just a reflection of the feelings of extremely desperate Jeeva, who was thinking about running away from life...
Yeah, let us wait for the following parts... :wink:

why thanks, southiecook? commenting is an easy way compare to a creation of a story... :notworthy:

[southiecook]

Part 2 has been posted..

[Wibha]

SC akka going well :D

[crazy]

where is part 2??????

[ramky]

Southiecook : nice going, with an easy flow of writing. Jeeva the protagonist has certainly aroused my curiousity, also the as yet unknown character Kiran. wonder what will happen in part 3 ?! :D

Vaasi : Part 2 is posted just below part 1 in the same post :).

[Shakthiprabha.]

hmm.... :)

... where is KIRAN :P

[southiecook]

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[southiecook]

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[Shakthiprabha.]

haiyoooo...

:cry2:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Good one sc.

The story reminds us very much of the fact..

"easy to advice" :(

[southiecook]

Good one sc.

The story reminds us very much of the fact..

"easy to advice" :(

Thanks, SP :) :) !!

[ramky]

southiecook : bit of contradiction remains as yet unexplained - the very people who caused Jeeva to change his suicidal intentions have been reported as committing mass suicide ! hope the reason for their act is convincingly explained in future episodes. still, nice twist in the tale :exactly:. do continue :).

[Querida]

well SC, i've read your part two and left it for awhile cause i thought with part three i would understand more...the abrupt actions are quite disturbing and maybe that is what you are trying to get across...as readers it is unsettling to be jerked here and there while not being told why such and such a thing happen...the reason...cause we all crave reason...we hate things that are senseless....this is what i got from my reading...i do apologize if this is contradictory to what you hoped to acheive, though i do think you deserve praise for conveying quite a difficult idea....looking forward to more.

[southiecook]

southiecook : bit of contradiction remains as yet unexplained - the very people who caused Jeeva to change his suicidal intentions have been reported as committing mass suicide ! hope the reason for their act is convincingly explained in future episodes. still, nice twist in the tale :exactly:. do continue :).

Hmmmm....no more episodes, Ramky....this is the end... :(

[southiecook]

well SC, i've read your part two and left it for awhile cause i thought with part three i would understand more...the abrupt actions are quite disturbing and maybe that is what you are trying to get across...as readers it is unsettling to be jerked here and there while not being told why such and such a thing happen...the reason...cause we all crave reason...we hate things that are senseless....this is what i got from my reading...i do apologize if this is contradictory to what you hoped to acheive, though i do think you deserve praise for conveying quite a difficult idea....looking forward to more.

Thank you very much Querida, for your detailed comments. I know it is an abrupt end and the story is not a realistic one. But, the story which came in my mind was like that and I did not want to change it.

I really wanted to get responses from readers upon receiving such stories.

It is not an idea/theory, it is just a 'story', a 'made-up story'.

Also, you all, as readers, have the complete freedom & flexibility to interpret it according to your imagination.

Cheers and thanks again!

[crazy]

story end?! :(

[P_R]

Hi SC,

managed to read your story only today.It made pretty good reading.

Nice opening. You managed to keep it quite intriguing. The last line of the first paragraph was great in its ease of contrast. You have your reader glued from there.

The old man's familiar interest in Jeeva does seem a bit sudden and quick, but you have defended it well in saying how Jeeva did look and feel vulnerable. From that to the 'transition' it seemed a bit quick in the 2-3 pagraphs. IMO you could have dealt with his sorrow a little longer (even if you don't reveal any reasons), it would have got us more familiar with Jeeva's mood.

I liked some very nice lines connecting situations and expressions:
But time flew past him - just like Kiran. Special congratulations for your complete lack of anxiety to tie all threads up. It is the strong point of the story. This makes the twist abrupt and brutal and unsettles everyone. Good job.

IMO the story could have been a little longer (not the twist, that's just right in length). We (ok, I), would have gotten to know Jeeva and more importantly the old man better. This would have been easier to empathize with them and feel the transition and shock better.

Hope to read more of yours.

cheers
Prabhu

[southiecook]

PR, many thanks for your explanatory comments!

After seeing the responses, I too felt like I should have showed a little more of Jeeva's self and the story got a bit fast forwarded in the middle. Will definitely remember your points while writing in future.

Thanks again for understanding Jeeva aka Life, Kiran aka Hope aka the two-way catalyst and the fellow passengers aka nameless lives !!!