BOLT FROM THE BLUE

[chevy]

[tscii:97eb0c2bc7]Hi ..

This is one story I wrote when I was in eighth or ninth standard , so you’ll be able to see how kiddish the writing style had been then ( it still is, to be honest... )

Do read and tell me what you think ..
And I’ll tell you the reason behind me writing it.
( i had named it as the torn shirt then ... )


cheers !
chevy
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[chevy]

[tscii:6d126f67c4]A certain man, who I am acquainted with for the last ten years, told me a bitter and edgy experience that he encountered recently .This friend , whom we shall refer to as X ,is a man of a diffident and shy character.
While speaking to woman who is not acquainted with him, his inferiority complex makes him nervous and stammer.

A few days back, X went to his home town in a first class train wearing one of least favorite shirts, one that was too tight for him and had florescent colored , printed designs .He couldn’t care less for what he wore , after all he was going to the village .He got into his compartment a few minutes before the train departed , relieved to see that no one else in the same compartment .
He comfortably settled down and began reading.

The station master waved the green signal and the train slowly began to move .Just as X breathed a deep sigh of relief ,a young boy flung open the door and a woman slowly walked into the compartment without noticing him .She staggered as she walked but before our gentleman X could even think of asking if she needed help she seated herself opposite to him .The young boy put her luggage on the top berth and to X’s abhorrence and detestation , he left the compartment with a ‘see you ’, leaving the woman and my friend X alone . The journey would take an hour, the thought of which made the introverted Mr. X even more terrified.

After nearly ten minutes of silent communion, X decided to take an initiative to begin a conversation .He lifted his bent down head and his jaw dropped at what he saw . It wasn’t just the black overalls and black leather shoes that he’d noticed for so long . Opposite to him was an angel-like face .As she looked up he sank into the unfathomable depth of her deep blue eyes .Her hair tresses ,like lush dark forests ,fell on her shoulders beautifully .Suddenly he noticed she was looking at him .He gave her one of his best smiles .
She simply didn’t notice him. ‘How arrogant!’, thought X ‘ Even the prettiest rose bush has thorns .How true’

All of a sudden, the cell phone of X rang which startled both the lady and X out of the blue .After X finished his call , he thought of making yet another attempt .Yes and this time he must talk . “Hello, sorry if I caused a disturbance ,actually …..”
“Oh , no problem . Where are you going ?”
“I am going to my native village for ….”
Slowly the conversation built up and went on for an hour . Thoughout the conversation .Mr. X withered uncomfortably in his tight and bright pink shirt .A gorgeous woman was next to him and he was in his worst array. His shirt and tie were flamboyant in disposition . He pulled his shirt and folded his hands to hide the fading printed designs .

Suddenly , Zrrrrrrrrp ! his shirt tore at the back
He smiled sheepishly .The lady gave no response .Mr.X was in the most unpleasant situation of his life .He bent sideways and reached out for his bag and dragged it towards him .he pulled out the first jacket he could spot and put it on over his shirt . “It’s getting slightly cold , isn’t it?” he said with a imperceptive grin .

After about thirty minutes , the train arrived at the station . ‘ Finally !’ he sighed .
He quickly took his baggage (without turning , of course !) and slid the compartment door open .
“ See you” he told the lady trying to get out as soon as possible .
“ Excuse me , could you help me with the luggage ?”
“oh, sure”
‘What hard luck !’ he thought . He took her luggage and placed it down . Suddenly , he realized he was facing his back to her .He turned quickly to find the lady smiling behind him . He smiled back at her expecting a ‘thanks’.
“see you then”, he said preparing to escape .
“oh, you’ve placed it ? thank you .”
Mr. X nodded his head , bewildered . ‘Weird lady’ he mumbled .
Just as he was about to turn the lady gave him a furtive smirk .He quickly pulled his jacket effusively .

“excuse me for being so barmy ..but I am laughing at my own pitiable state …..”, she said .

Mr. X adjusted his jacket yet more and even looked back to see if the torn part was visible .
He wondered if the lady would say, ‘What a pity , I have to travel with a guy who’s wearing torn clothes’.


But he was puzzled when she said , ‘ I am so unfortunate that I have traveled with such a gentleman who I cannot see ..’
...

‘You see sir , I am blind , even if you stood bare in front of me and grimaced at me I wouldn’t know’


Mr. X’s jaw dropped .




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[pavalamani pragasam]

Not bad! A fairly good suspense!

[chevy]

yeah .. thanks for da honest opinion ... PP ma'am
:D

[crazy]

dear................have to sleep, will read it tomorrow and let u know my ................... :)

[crazy]

chevy i read a story like this before, not sure when and where
but u r story is quite good :)

let me guess............what made u write this..... :roll:
ur own experience?

[chevy]

chevy i read a story like this before, not sure when and where
but u r story is quite good :)

let me guess............what made u write this..... :roll:
ur own experience? hi vasvi akka ..

though your guess is wrong it's vaguely close to the truth ..

i haven't had an experience when my dress tore in public
no pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
no thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but the fact is that ...
when i was in eighth or ninth grade , when ever i used to meet those guys with looks that really sweep you off the ground , i used to have this inferiority complex or some discomfort in communicating with them ... i used to keep fiddling with my side fringes or my fingers or something else. Some times , i used to even have a problem looking at that person in the eye while talking to them.
Ofcourse i ain't like that now, though at that age, i din't kno how to put down my feelings just like that lest some one read it !!
So i put it as a story...

so i ve tried to explain the discomfort or how self conscious one gets.... so much so that they make things worse for themselves ..

[crazy]

Dear not just u, i used to have the same inf. complex.............
but nice story, keep writing :)

[chevy]

cud u tell me some other heading for this .. i first named it as the torn shirt .. .
and then bolt from the blue ..

any suggestions ?

[pavalamani pragasam]

Veil of Darkness?

[chevy]

Veil of Darkness? hmm ..okay ...

but why .. i dint understand .. .

[pavalamani pragasam]

Darkness is another word for blindness here in this story which acted as a veil in between the two, hiding his shame from her. Also darkness is ignorance, his unawareness of her loss of sight, an ignorance that shrouded like a veil him extreme sensitive, self-conscious predicament.

ivvalavu sappaikattu pOthumaa? :D

[chevy]

Darkness is another word for blindness here in this story which acted as a veil in between the two, hiding his shame from her. Also darkness is ignorance, his unawareness of her loss of sight, an ignorance that shrouded like a veil him extreme sensitive, self-conscious predicament.

ivvalavu sappaikattu pOthumaa? :D tahnks PP ma'am ..

sappaikattu na enna ???

[P_R]

Nice one chevy.

Try reading the short story : "The eyes have it" By Ruskin Bond. A similar twist and he would have maintained the suspense beautifully. So I kind of guessed the twist beforehand. Still it made interesting reading, particularly the man's attempts to hide the 'faded shirt'.

How about the title : The Judge

Often we submit ourselves to others' judgement. We anxiously anticipate their opinions, sometimes to the extent that we their evaluations too seriously. It may even be the case that they may be incapable of evaluation at all. It is our judgement of them that may be at fault (like hasty allegories like "the best of roses have thorns")

[bingleguy]

i dont feeling anything kiddish in this ;-)
u have penned it well ...... :clap:

just got to get reminded one of Mr.Bean's series ..... While goin down for a swim down the beach. .. our Bean is so shyish to change to his underears in front of an old man sittng in the beach ... he takes all pain n then finally comes down to ready situation... while he sees the old man get up n go with his black goggles and a blind seeker stick .... this was said humourously ...

but ur writing has told it very touching .....

now we know that one concept can be told in many number of ways .....

GOod work !

[Shakthiprabha.]

I could guess that shez blind, right half way thro.

Wont say good story, I would rather give ur due for the excellent way of writing, which took us thro the story.


and NO... IT IS NOT kiddish. U have a definite talent. :)

[chevy]

I could guess that shez blind, right half way thro.

Wont say good story, I would rather give ur due for the excellent way of writing, which took us thro the story.


and NO... IT IS NOT kiddish. U have a definite talent. :) yeah .. i suppose "suspense was not sustained" till the end..
wrote it very long ago..

thanks for the honest opinion..

[chevy]

i dont feeling anything kiddish in this ;-)
u have penned it well ...... :clap:

just got to get reminded one of Mr.Bean's series ..... While goin down for a swim down the beach. .. our Bean is so shyish to change to his underears in front of an old man sittng in the beach ... he takes all pain n then finally comes down to ready situation... while he sees the old man get up n go with his black goggles and a blind seeker stick .... this was said humourously ...

but ur writing has told it very touching .....

now we know that one concept can be told in many number of ways .....

GOod work !


hehe .!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
yeah i ve seen that swimming pool one of the Mr. Bean series.
wow! never thought of that !

[chevy]

chevy i read a story like this before, not sure when and where
but u r story is quite good :) oh :( okay .. :cry:




let me guess............what made u write this..... :roll:
ur own experience?

well . . i wrote this when i was pretty young. I think i was about thirteen or fourteen then. I used to have this difficulty in communicating with people who looked good. or were popular.

Probably it was shyness or it was inferiority complex.
But it was really a problem... sometimes i used to realize that people listen to what you talk .. they don't "see" ..

sometimes i used to be so self consciousness and make myself so uncomfortable.... and later realize it was not at all needed.
sometimes.. people would notice that i am so conscious and silently laugh i suppose....

but later
i realized if u look great ..someday.. you are a heroine for that day.. but .if u say something that's insanely humourous n entertain the crowd. . u are certainly the heroine for the year!

I am certainly not like that now. no complexes or shyness.

Anyway ..i hope it answers " what made you write this story "

[chevy]

Nice one chevy.

Try reading the short story : "The eyes have it" By Ruskin Bond. A similar twist and he would have maintained the suspense beautifully. So I kind of guessed the twist beforehand. Still it made interesting reading, particularly the man's attempts to hide the 'faded shirt'.
i will definately read it ..



How about the title : The Judge

Often we submit ourselves to others' judgement. We anxiously anticipate their opinions, sometimes to the extent that we their evaluations too seriously. It may even be the case that they may be incapable of evaluation at all. It is our judgement of them that may be at fault (like hasty allegories like "the best of roses have thorns") thank you so much !!!
in fact . . i am just thinking. . "the eyes have it " is a very good title. .
wondering if " the black skirt has it" wud be a title .. jus kiddin .. lol .

[chevy]

hey vasi .. i forgot that i had already answered u .. and posted again ..

[Querida]

Hey Chevy so what if we have read similar to this it's a common ploy even i was going to mention that mr. bean episode but was beaten to it! :P It doesn't mean it's any less...why in art class do they make you copy others techniques before asking you to develop your own technique...it's only to refine your skills! :D Anyways nice little story....i had fun reading it...it was like reading those little anecdotes/jokes/stories inbetween the articles of reader's digest....ever read that magazine?

[chevy]

Hey Chevy so what if we have read similar to this it's a common ploy even i was going to mention that mr. bean episode but was beaten to it! :P It doesn't mean it's any less...why in art class do they make you copy others techniques before asking you to develop your own technique...it's only to refine your skills! :D Anyways nice little story....i had fun reading it...it was like reading those little anecdotes/jokes/stories inbetween the articles of reader's digest....ever read that magazine? hmmm well .. seriously this wasn't inspired from the Mr.Bean beach episode or anyother similar story .....
i mentioned as a reply to Crazy , why i wrote this one ...
yes Querida !! i love readers digest .. not a regular reader though...
Is an e-version there???

[Querida]

eh yeah....but you have to empty your purse out...so i rather read it when i get my hands on it :D