None

[bytezone]

None.......

[SmileAlways]

HI!!

I am no 'agony aunt' to give u the perfect advice.

I can , however, give you my two cents worth......which may help u in arriving at a solution.

You are 30. You have met a girl whom u want to marry. Then...why cant u take a firm step and make a commitment towards the girl??

Why can't u tell her parents tht u will marry only her...and pls wait for couple of months till I get my father's permission. If your father still continues to be adament.....U will go ahead with the marriage without him. If you give such kind of a commitment to the girl's parents, they will also feel tht u r a responsible person and get a good image about u.

However, if her parents insist on your father's acceptance....you can make it known tht the allaince may not go through. Itz their call , then.


There is one thing tht u need to consider before taking any step. IS it bcos you are feeling very lonely, tht u have zeroed in on this girl?? or do u really feel compatible with her??


It is important tht families like each other and a marriage is fixed. But tht cannot be the only factor!!

YOu have to take a firm stand regarding what u want to do. Your father might also come along with you, once he realises tht you r really serious abt this girl.

So...basically buddy....itz ur call!!

[pavalamani pragasam]

It is surprising how you resorted to matrimonial advertisement channel fully knowing well your father's nature! Now another girl and her family have got caught in this tangle. And yourself caught between a father who wouldn't relent and a girl's family who wouldn't relent! Since the girl's family knows your father's stand & still persists on goading you to get his permisson they don't seem to be very understanding, kind or adjusting to your predicament. A father is what you got without your consent, but in-laws are your choice. Won't you desire to live with a girl, a family who will accomodate to your situation, its problems and blessings? A father's desire to decide his son's bride is not a crime, however irking his stubbornness may be. In this modern age it is strange fathers wishing to control sons living abroad. It is in marriage only conservative parents can show/enjoy their privilege/authority over their wards who have long ago become independent. If the girl of your choice gives so much importance to your father's consent for the sake of social decorum she may easily find a wide choice of equally good offers in the matrimonials and proceed to start her life the way her family wants her to start it. For you, the most sensible course will be to let your father realise/understand through your mother & siblings your desire to get settled in life with a family of your own. Trust him to find a suitable alliance for you. Face the awkwardness of all these with grit & forget it when it is all over.

[malsi]

hm yes..i think i agree with PP mam...but again you hv to seriously sit donw and really think abt it...

do you really love the girl?..or is your age bothering you?..i think 30 is still ok for a guy...dont rush into marriage just because your age is catching up..theres no point regretting later..right?..whoever you marry ( let it be someone of your choice or your father's), you should be fully prepared to accept her as your wife..emotionally..mentally and physically...but the first two are more important...

if you are seriously in love with this girl..try talking to her parents..try reasoning out things..make them understand better...

and do the same to your father...most children feel that their parents never and will never underdtand them..but i'll beg to differ...noone else in this world can understand us better than our parents...im sure he just wants the best for you..maybe he is being adament because he might feel that he has all the rights on you ( since you are his son!!) or he is being possessive...

when the girl and her parents can be stubborn..why not your father??..ask yourself...

but whatever you do..get his blessings ..theres no point regretting later when he is no more around...

[malsi]

like the saying goes " the ball is in your court.."..hmmm

but i can definately understand your situation..

[Chappani]

Well said PP Mam :notworthy: :clap: ... Golden words indeed..

[rachel]

if he doesn't allow you to marry the girl you wanted ,you say to your dad,

1. i'll commit suicide
2.i won't marry anybody
3.i'll not talk to you anymore....

but you don't need to do those things..just to threaten him :fishgrin:

[Braandan]

This is exactly what happened to me 14 years ago. All perfect girl even the horoscope matches.. but my parents opposed just because I did the choosing by myself and told them only after promising her and her parents. Just ego problem. Her parents were happy about it at first but then became doubtful as they were adamant to get it okayed from my parents. I did a lot of fighting.. from 1990 to 1992..at last my parents had to ok it.. else they would have lost me to her..

That girl is my wife since 1992 January!

[pavalamani pragasam]

Congrats, Braandan! You did right!

[blahblah]

I think people should be a bit more practical.I really don't think loving parents will object to their son's wishes like this.Nowadays, kids are as grown up as much as their parents-in the sense- they have seen what their parents have not.

Most fathers do believe the judgement of their kids unless their is much finance or caste involved.You are the right person to decide on your own future.

I SAY THIS BECAUSE MY MOTHER AGREED TO OUR MARRIAGE BEFORE SHE SAW MY WOMAN AND MY FATHER IN LAW DID SO BEFORE HE SAW ME.PERSUASIVE AND ASSERTIVE PEOPLE CAN CONVINCE THEIR OWN PEOPLE ATLEAST.

Trust matters.Even the best of arranged marriages can go wrong. :D .Decide for yourself,not for your father,for you are the person who is going to live with her.

By the way I can't believe a thirty year old man seeking someone else's advice on stuff like this.

This is another "pierce my nose or not" thread! :lol:

[Shekhar]

Mr. bytezone,

You have neither spine nor brain.

If you had spine, you would have got married to the girl you liked and and told both the parents to come your way.

If you had brain, you would cite the matrimonial column girl as the reason for not marrying your father's choice, and the girl of your father's choice as the reason for not marrying the matrimonial girl, and would live happily without marrying anyone !!! :lol: :lol:

Because after the marriage, you would still be wondering "How do I get out of it..." :D :D

[pavalamani pragasam]

Shekhar, can you never be SERIOUS? :argh:

[Alien]

Because after the marriage, you would still be wondering "How do I get out of it..." :D :D
:lol: :rotfl:

[Badri]

Since the author has withdrawn his first post, this thread is being locked now.

[NOV]

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