A joke per day...keeps the doctor away!

[NOV]

Your joke in FB today was worthy... why don't you post it here? :p

[NOV]

I went for a meal with a chess fanatic the other day. There was a checked tablecloth on the table. It took three hours for him to pass the salt.

[NOV]

A teacher asked his class: "Where does God live?"
A student answered: "I think he lives in our bathroom."
The teacher then asked: "Why do you say that?"
The student answered: "Well, every morning my dad bangs on the bathroom door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'"

[NOV]

A man went to see the doctor.
Man: "Doc, do you think I can live for another fifty years?"
Doctor: "Do you drink?"
Man: "No!"
Doctor: "Do you smoke?"
Man: "No!"
Doctor: "Do you visit whores?"
Man: "Certainly not!"
Doctor: "Then why do you want to live another fifty years?"

[Bipolar]

You invented Tipp-Ex... correct me if I'm wrong??

[Bipolar]

So Eric Bristow came up to me... he said, "How come you put Super-Glue on one my darts?" I said "You just can't let it go, can you?"

[Bipolar]

I've just come back from a "once-in-a-lifetime" holiday... Tell you what... never again...

[Bipolar]

I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop... it was sole-destroying...

[Bipolar]

I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell...

[NOV]

A man went to see the doctor.
Man: "Doc, I think I'm spending too long on the computer, I'm starting to see spots in front of my eyes".
Doctor: "Have you seen an optician?"
Man: "No, just spots."

[NOV]

A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied the interviewer. 'And, now you sir?', he asked the second man.
'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.' He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' he said.
Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.
Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already s**t my pants.'
BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!

[NOV]

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?

Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.

Dispatcher: Do you have an address?

Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

[NOV]

The teacher asked her kindergarten student if he knew how to count her numbers.
"Yes," the kid replied."I learnt from watching my dad at home," The teacher was a bit puzzled."What comes after three?" the teacher asked.
"Four," the kid answered confidently.
"What comes after seven?"
Eight."
"Very good," the teacher said. "Your dad must have an effective method. Now tell me what comes after ten?"
The little kid said excitedly, "A Jack!"

[NOV]

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn….I think I’m going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

[NOV]

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn….I think I’m going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

[NOV]

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Shanti?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Devi!

[NOV]

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

[NOV]

At a college reunion dinner three close friends met after a long time. They were professionals - a doctor, accountant and a lawyer. While talking about their successful lives the accountant took the opportunity to ask his friend for a medical advise.

The doctor examined him there itself and prescribed medicine telling him how to take it and certain exercises. He assured him that he will be better after taking the medicine as well as following his advice and that it will not recur.

The accountant left the both and the doctor now turned to his lawyer friend and lamented that the accountant friend is very rich but he still sought a free medical consultation. He asked the lawyer friend whether he ought to send him a bill for this medical consultation to which the lawyer replied that he should since professions and friendship are separate. So, the doctor posted his bill for consultation amounting to $200.00.

The following day the doctor received a bill from his lawyer friend amounting to $400.00 being legal consultations!

[NOV]

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.

When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven. She removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.

With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, 'Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!'

At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

[NOV]

A man was staggering down the street and stopped by a policeman who asked, "Just where are you going at 1:30 in the morning?"

The man said, "To an alcohol lecture."

The cop asked, "At this hour? Where is it and who is giving it?"

The man said, "It's at my house, and my wife is giving it."

[NOV]

A turtle was walking down an alley when he was robbed by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.
The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don't know, it all happened so fast.”

[NOV]

One day a drunk man told the bartender, "I'll bet you $100 that I can bite my right eye."

The bartender grinned and said, "Okay, you drunk." The drunk pulled out his right fake eye and bit it. After more drinks the drunk said, "I bet you $200 I can bite my left eye."

The bartender knew it could not be fake, so he said, "Okay." The drunk pulled out his dentures and bit his left eye. The bartender, by now was really mad.

After a few more drinks, the drunk said, "I'll bet you $500 that if you slide a shot glass down the bar, I can hop on each stool and pee in it without getting a drop on your bar." The bartender knew he could not do it so he said okay.

The bartender slid the shot glass as fast as he could. The drunk jumped on stools and peed all over the bar. The bartender jumped up and screamed in joy because he won $500. In the back he heard, a man yelling in frustration. He asked the man why.

The man replied, "That drunk fool bet me $1000 that he can pee on your bar and you would be happy about it!"

[NOV]

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold..and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah . It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants downand started. In the deep snow, she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.

Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic, and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing, however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about 'what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal. Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.

So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down.' And you thought your first date was embarrassing.

Jay Leno's comment...'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.'

[NOV]

EVER WONDER

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

[NOV]

A blonde was driving down the highway when she read a sign saying, "Clean Restrooms Next 10 Miles." She was really late for her appointment since there were 26 restrooms to clean.

[NOV]

Ajay and Shyam were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Shyam suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Ajay promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled Shyam out.

When the Doctor became aware of Ajay's heroic act he immediately ordered Ajay to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered him to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell Ajay the news he said, "Ajay , I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Shyam , the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Ajay replied "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

[NOV]

A woman visits a fortuneteller who tells her, "Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, the woman takes a few deep breaths, steadies her voice and asks, "Will I be acquitted?"

[NOV]

Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let’s start from your bank account.

[NOV]

It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ she said . ‘Just give me something with diamonds.’

That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.

[NOV]

“Look at ME!!” boasted the fit old man, pounding a very flat and firm stomach, having just finished 100 situps before a group of young people.

“Fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t stay up late, and I don’t chase after loose women!!”

He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes aglitter, “And tomorrow — tomorrow, I’m going to celebrate my -90th- birthday!!”

“Oh, really?” drawled one of the young onlookers, “How?”

[NOV]

A blonde was driving down the highway when she read a sign saying, "Clean Restrooms Next 10 Miles." She was really late for her appointment since there were 26 restrooms to clean.

[NOV]

A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200 to get his car fixed and road-worthy again. But had run out of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the operator, and reverses the charge and says to his dad, “I need to borrow two hundred dollars.”

At the other end, his father says, “Sorry, I can’t hear you, son, I think there may be a bad line.”

The boy shouts, “Two hundred. I need two hundred dollars!”

“Sorry, I still can’t hear you clearly,” says his father.

The operator cuts in, “Sorry to cut in, but I can hear him perfectly.”

The father says, “Oh, good. YOU send him the money!”

[NOV]

A navy captain is alerted by his First Mate that there is a pirate ship coming towards his position. He asks a sailor to get him his red shirt.

The captain was asked, “Why do you need a red shirt?”

The Captain replies, “So that when I bleed, you guys don’t notice and aren’s discouraged.” They fight off the pirates eventually.

The very next day, the Captain is alerted that 50 pirate ships are coming towards their boat. He yells, “Get me my brown pants!”

[NOV]

The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. One boy says, “Elephant.”

Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.”

The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.

The boy shouts from the other side of the wall: “Maybe an elephant!”

[NOV]

There was this car that was driving very slowly down the highway. A state trooper pulled it over.

“What did I do wrong, officer?” the driver asked.

“You were going 26 MPH on a major highway, there is a law against that. You must go at least 50 MPH.”

“But when I got onto the highway, the sign said 26!”

“That is because this is Interstate 26! The 26 isn’t the speed limit!”

The driver leaned back into her car seat and the cop saw another woman sitting beside her, she looked as pale as a ghost.

“What happened to her?’ the officer asked.

“I don’t know, but she has been that way ever since we got off the interstate 160.”

[NOV]

Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hot Line ...

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will
tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press.
No one will answer.

[NOV]

Man at restaurant: Excuse me waiter, could you come here?

Waiter: Is everything okay?

Man: Everything is fine, but would you please try my soup?

Waiter: I’m sorry, sir, we really can’t do that.

Man: No I won’t say anything, please try my soup.

Waiter: Well, is there something wrong with the soup?

Man: No, but will you please try the soup?!

Waiter: Okay, okay… Where’s the spoon?

Man: Ah-hah.

[NOV]

After a minor operation, the doctor turned to the patient and said, "After this, you can’t have sex for at least three days."

"Did you hear that?" she asked her husband. "No sex for three days."

"I heard," he said. "But the doctor was speaking to you."

[NOV]

Officer: We need you in the army.

Vadivelu: I’ll join but on three conditions.

Officer: Ok. what are the conditions?

Vadivelu: My first condition is that I’ll not wear the uniform because it is hot.

Officer: Ok. What is the second condition?

Vadivelu: I’ll not do the perade and other training under the sun because it is hot. I’ll only do it under the shed or some kind of shadow cover.

Officer: Ok. What is your third condition?

Vadivelu: And my last and most important condition is that during war times, I’ll remain on leave.

[NOV]

A guy is driving around and sees a sign in front of a house that says "Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes around the house and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" the man asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?" the guy asks.

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be ! eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.

Finally, I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten bucks."

"Ten bucks?" the guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

The owner responds, "Because he's a liar. He didn't t do any of those things."

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/t1/66487_775069825838735_90029057_n.jpg

[NOV]

A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!”

The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?”

The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/t1/1508176_10151854274697624_944449915_n.jpg

[NOV]

A Chinese man and an English man were dining in a restaurant. The Chinese man lifted his glass up and made a toast to the English man, “Kan Pei” (Cheers).

The English man was confused but he continued eating. This happened a few times and whenever the Chinese man wanted to drink he would always say “Kan Pei”

The English man only nodded and silently continued to drink and eat. Not long after, the Chinese man once again said, “Kan Pei” whilst lifting up his glass.

This time, the English man put down his cutlery and angrily said to the Chinese man,
"It’s all right if you CAN’T PAY!” I'll pay! So just shut up”.

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/t1/1970486_602449033175747_648379618_n.jpg

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/t1.0-9/1606847_10200637183852306_780692677_n.jpg

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/t1.0-9/1798615_609990379088279_699167623_n.jpg

[NOV]

https://scontent-a-kul.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/t1.0-9/1959591_664028663668511_427849903_n.jpg

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/t1.0-9/10175985_10203228726574739_1792034616_n.jpg

[NOV]

Guide: I welcome you all to Niagara Falls..
These are the world's largest waterfalls & the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard. Now I request the Indian ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagara Falls...!!!

[NOV]

A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious.
She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed.
Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English.


Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The Hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Bed:
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above All:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/t1.0-9/10151231_760898953934002_653582305_n.jpg

[NOV]

https://scontent-a-kul.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/l/t1.0-9/10153202_613671102053540_539036729527523249_n.jpg

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/t1.0-9/10172589_615672245186759_2391206556836127820_n.jpg

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/t1.0-9/1011809_10200922266832752_1065040195_n.jpg

[NOV]

Day-after TN votes, on April 25 - 4 Tamil releases - Ennamo Nadakkudhu, Ennamo Etho, Pongadi Neengalum Unga Kaadhalum & Vaayai Moodi Pesavum!

- Sreedhar Pillai

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/t1.0-9/10007069_10152163930164735_3986600849107182256_n.j pg

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/t1.0-9/1528464_1425212951071238_7932120091690206100_n.jpg

[NOV]

https://scontent-b-kul.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/t31.0-8/10271301_461745647292657_3596962432596911723_o.jpg

[NOV]

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, zen itz fain

[NOV]

HOW TO IDENTIFY DIFFERENT CITIES OF INDIA :

Scenario 1 : Two guys are fighting & a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on..
That's MUMBAI..

Scenario 2 : Two guys are fighting & a third guy comes along and tries to make peace.. The first two get together and beat him up..
That's DELHI.

Scenario 3 : Two guys fighting and third guy comes from a nearby house annd says "don't fight in front of my place, go somewhere else."
That's BANGALORE..

Scenario 4 : Two guys fighting third guy comes along with a carton of beer.. All sit together drink beer and abuse each other and go home as friends..
You are definitely in GOA...

Scenario 5 : Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out & call their friends on their mobiles.. Now 50 guys are fighting..
You are in PUNJAB.

Scenario 6 : Two guys fighting. Third guy comes and shoots both of them..
You are in BIHAR..

Last Scenario: Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.. A guy comes along and quietly opens a tea stall there
That's KERALA.

[NOV]

https://scontent-a-kul.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/t1.0-9/10300707_630114777075839_7555831424849411366_n.jpg

[mappi]

HOW TO IDENTIFY DIFFERENT CITIES OF INDIA :

Above Last Scenario : Two guys are fighting. It turns into a group fight quickly, when a group of stranger people join/support each guy and start fighting without knowing or asking the origin of the fight.
That's Chennai.

[NOV]

Wife: You used to shower me with gifts before marriage, but rarely now.

Me: Yes.

Wife: Why?

Me: Have you ever seen a fisherman giving worms to fish after catching them?

[NOV]

Whenever I see a woman driving a bus I smile and think about how far we as a society have come in equality.

And then I wait for the next bus.

[NOV]

A man said to his wife, "You remind me of a hippo."

She yelled, "Are you calling me fat?"

"No, no!" I said, "It's just that you've got a huge mouth, but only got four teeth."

[NOV]

"You're a useless parent Raj."

"Says who?"

"Says Deva and Rani."

"Who the hell are Deva and Rani?"

"Your son and your daughter, Raj."

[NOV]

I walked up to a blonde girl in the pub last night and said, "Can you buy me a drink?"

"Hang on a minute," she laughed, "Shouldn't I be the one asking you?"

"Go on then." I smiled.

She said, "Can I buy you a drink?"

[NOV]

"Why the hell are you staring at my head?" asked some guy in the pub last night.

I said, "I'm checking out the hair."

"But, I'm completely bald." he replied.

I said, "I'm talking about mine."

[NOV]

I saw an immigrant standing with a sign today that said, "I'm looking for Werk."

I went over to help him out and correct his spelling but apparently that's how you spell his brother's name.

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/t1.0-9/1526312_721695304508305_1064585688_n.jpg

[chinnakkannan]

Why left Tamil nadu?





HOW TO IDENTIFY DIFFERENT CITIES OF INDIA :

A.

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/t1.0-9/551462_528740970498119_1761228271_n.jpg

[Russellhaj]

அப்பிடி இல்ல செல்லம் "அ"வ இப்பிடி எழுதணும்..!!


https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BoAQvl5CIAE5oSK.jpg

[NOV]

Always love your husband......

Love your husband when he orders you to make tea or coffee because he wants to feel fresh to listen your nonstop talks...

Love him if he looks at all the beautiful females because he is just checking that you are still the best ?

Love him if he criticizes your cooking because he is still improving his taste.

Love him if he snores at night and disturbs your sleep because he is trying to prove that he is the most relaxed person after being married to you.

Love him if he forgets to give you a gift on your birthday because he is saving money for your future.

Love him... Because you don't have a choice and killing is a legal offence.

[Russellhaj]

படித்ததில் பிடித்தது :




நான் இந்திய பொருட்களை மட்டுமே பயன்படுத்துவேன் " அப்படீன்னு பலபேர் FB ல கிறுக்கிட்டுதிரியுறாங்க !

#Mark Zuckerbergஆண்டிபட்டி காரர்போலும்!

[NOV]

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BozaIKpIYAAYUlF.jpg

[NOV]

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'

Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

[NOV]

http://www.tickld.com/cdn_image_article/a_534_20140531205754.jpg

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/t1.0-9/539615_10151507176845320_685300483_n.jpg

[NOV]

Ways to recognise a doctor in hospital.....

1. girl with apron pockets full of garbage.. restless, irritable, waddling gate.... shouting on phone... A GYNAECOLOGIST

2. steth in neck, hump at back, or sometimes belly try to come out of shirt, silent, tired walk with masked facial appearance..... no response to stimuli to smile... A
MEDICAL DOCTOR

3. snoozing on chair... but loud voice... few abuses...dominating personality.. like DON of the hospital, everybody talk to him politely including Dean or Medical
superintendent .. A SURGEON

4. brisk gait, white paste on pant and boots.... loud voice...lots of attitude... talking of self... arrogant, under influence an ORTHOPEDICIAN

5. neeras attitude... tired body... always frustrated, response to stimuli... red stetho... A PEDIATRICIAN

6. Mostly female. ...gossiping...always eating something. ..shouting on someone ANAESTHETIST

7. Calm, neatly dressed, rarely seen by patients, blurring of vision - RADIOLOGIST

8. In dirty white coat, confused, always in hurry, everybody shouting on him/ her including sister/ Mama :INTERN

9. Cool, calm, polite, smart, soft spoken with always a smile on face..sweet by nature.....These types of doctors only seen in toothpaste ads:)

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/t1.0-9/10365974_546571982118967_9152379304352098903_n.jpg

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xaf1/t1.0-9/10330456_299072336924688_512814049904494708_n.jpg

[NOV]

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BqIYVXkIEAAuLEW.jpg

[NOV]

https://scontent-a-kul.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xaf1/t1.0-9/304234_304095479602483_946758825_n.jpg

[NOV]

https://scontent-a-sin.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/t1.0-9/1558415_10152521064349578_1691242334184055735_n.jp g

[NOV]

Height of....

1.LAZINESS--Asking lift for morning walk
2.CRAZINESS--Getting blank paper xerox.
3.HONESTY--Pregnant women buying 2 tickets.
4.DEHYDRATION-- Cow giving milk powder.
5.FASHION--Lungi with a Zip.
6.HOPE--A 99 year Old lady purchasing a life time Sim card.....!!!!!!

[NOV]

In 2007, Anthony Miller tried to rob a bank in Pennsylvania , using an unloaded BB gun. He kept asking the teller if they had called the police and how long for the police to arrive.

He loitered around until the police arrived and did not put up a fight, telling them he wanted to be caught.

His reason? He wanted to get away from his overbearing and controlling wife, happily prefering jail then staying with his wife.

After the arrest, Miller's defense attorney supported him, 'After just 20 minutes in her presence, I was ready for jail too.'

[NOV]

https://scontent-b-kul.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/t1.0-9/10553543_521220757980077_7322214026710817957_n.jpg

[NOV]

https://scontent-b-kul.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10550990_10202552088231967_3916000816368778974_n.j pg?oh=27a93cd88d48f6f32d183f4d658fcf3f&oe=54526254

[NOV]

https://scontent-b-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/t31.0-8/10560492_10152595170344578_1627807639903652822_o.j pg

[NOV]

https://scontent-a-sin.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10551060_712334098804118_4384752175304617264_n.jpg ?oh=7f981346a58102e796e56197710bfb51&oe=544706DA

[NOV]

https://scontent-b-kul.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/t1.0-9/10543629_10152516820086840_1226657738492182065_n.j pg

[NOV]

Charging the battery in a cat

https://scontent-a-kul.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/t1.0-9/1504079_10202451433428428_6163649211967463149_n.jp g

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/t1.0-9/10526105_10152605539034578_7481019339600118416_n.j pg

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/t31.0-8/p600x600/10344415_10152516819086840_3469361040012777755_o.j pg

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/994178_825573124128519_1799533964833956560_n.jpg?o h=373ebf8b509486fb06cb39271a7c1e0e&oe=5435DDE3&__gda__=1413818910_d4da72a60232f11621acb2c04ee6041 d

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/t1.0-9/10568833_877821768914277_209631699371511279_n.jpg

[NOV]

https://scontent-a-kul.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10553502_740286339345853_4664075487840529721_n.jpg ?oh=12772d689f5e6fc485a6859e1785c31c&oe=54498B06

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/t1.0-9/10502392_717725311598330_7305550321665351493_n.jpg

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/t31.0-8/10553911_10152625466174578_6545280618249317215_o.p ng

[NOV]

A woman visited a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the fortune teller's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.

She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked, "Will I be acquitted?"

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/t1.0-9/10599250_589620844492936_8050622685902307453_n.jpg

[NOV]

Did you hear about the Indian drug addict who went into intensive care after mixing curry power with cocaine?

He’s now in a Korma.

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/t1.0-9/10511275_710153319021662_8875995622877520462_n.jpg

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10313079_10152609522011840_4030299986393781218_n.j pg?oh=807fadc493275446853c9f4502f1fe26&oe=5480FE83&__gda__=1417524454_540efeabe037e0468db7c8a11d1b43c 1

[NOV]

1.Whenever I Find The Key To Success, Someone Changes The Lock.

2.The Road To Success Is Always Under Construction

3.In Order To Get A Loan, You First Need To Prove That You Don't Need It

4.All The Desirable Things In Life Are Either Illegal, Expensive Or Married

5.Once You Have Bought Something, You Will Find The Same Item Being Sold Somewhere Else At A Cheaper Rate

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/10580167_713898415313819_8837550148888997279_n.jpg ?oh=f3519266c0c226dfb065ea9c42e93a03&oe=54647BA6&__gda__=1415977420_8faeb9da51197c596c881df57d36691 a

[raagadevan]

1.Whenever I Find The Key To Success, Someone Changes The Lock.

4.All The Desirable Things In Life Are Either Illegal, Expensive Or Married

5.Once You Have Bought Something, You Will Find The Same Item Being Sold Somewhere Else At A Cheaper Rate

I concur with these three statements! :)

[NOV]

A boy had a crush on his classmate..

One fine day he proposed her..
But she rejected and threatened that she would complain to the principal if he ever bothered her again..
And the boy remains silent for rest of the days..

Some days later the girl borrows a book from that boy and writes in it " I love u too. Sorry to hurt you the other day. If you forgive me, please come and speak to me."

Four years passed, But the boy never approached the girl again...

MORAL: boys never open their book!

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/1912220_819106151457349_1164811498841634426_n.jpg? oh=bbfa04b97dcd2b5ccc85a3fb5fb55e58&oe=545B1ADB&__gda__=1419024870_df50444da7f03af54debc7dbb837d4c e

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10384362_694183047337215_7410930351064787158_n.jpg ?oh=8d53f92b70336c118a18c6045a9f9b3b&oe=549A8C65&__gda__=1416960221_8339fa38d3150ce5a6534b88add5052 9

[NOV]

https://scontent-a-kul.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/1911844_686242138135602_356438148063428870_n.jpg?o h=d338f63ddd104749f23d5b78e808af91&oe=549FB495

[NOV]

Teacher : How Old are You ?

Student : Check the Register ..

Teacher : Where are you from ?

Student : Check in school Info..

Teacher : Whom do u love most Mom or Dad ?

Student : Ask My Heart

Teacher : Stupid where is your Heart ?

Student : Ask your daughter!!

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10523932_10152729992496133_5567194713948615344_n.j pg?oh=1d87971bd27e7a6281716670171c54a3&oe=54870A7C&__gda__=1418304106_79600d4accfd743fac9c568a7f1eac3 5

[NOV]

Time for some Iphone6 tweet fun.

1. The best feature of iphone6 is that if you hold upside down it becomes iPhone9..!!

2. The iphone6 unveil was great but if it still autocorrects the F-word to "ducking" I'm going to be pissed.

3. Watching the iphone6 launch was like watching some kind of Evangelical religious event...same difference, it's your money they want..!

4. Ever since the announcement of iphone6 things are really awkward between me and my iPhone 5.

Best of all..
5. Now you can get your phone, photos, and your wallet stolen at the same damn time! Thanks ‪#‎iPhone6‬..!

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10253758_628902797186955_6424646553180794200_n.jpg ?oh=0c7b89fe6b745ec02dd14921894d7e28&oe=549CF4BF&__gda__=1422912054_35b4986e9df4ffd521183b5bd7ff2c0 7

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/10308268_519599824811622_2369352284489533470_n.jpg ?oh=1e3bda6552598e957f987e4dbd63e014&oe=54858610&__gda__=1419090810_892b13297dd12ffa4fa92b120295520 b

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10393812_10152739184846133_6281467970354924608_n.j pg?oh=0df7b68dd5d9bccc85862e96424eefdf&oe=548CDCA6&__gda__=1422754736_4aa72ecc969a73ca2b3b8097bb2dc1a 4

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10603225_709437745758529_2518759051793966115_n.jpg ?oh=27d170ab65df38e9a3aed91cd3a24323&oe=5497DB1C&__gda__=1418434197_67ff4b3ec996d619bad62ac5ea36f7b 6

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10426235_740965442637803_9140311240119307261_n.jpg ?oh=92e2b6d45901b7204b523d05eb67e64a&oe=548C72B0&__gda__=1422716217_1905264a5ae645e06762516f03da451 0

[NOV]

The Banana Test

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are four animals...

A Lion A Chimp A Giraffe AND..A Squirrel.
They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.

Who do you guess will win?

Your answer will reflect your personality.
So think carefully . . .

Try and answer within 30 seconds.
Got your answer?
Now scroll down to see the analysis.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
If your answer is:
Lion = you're dull.
Chimpanzee = you're dense.
Giraffe = you're a complete moron.
Squirrel = you're hopeless.
A coconut tree doesn't have bananas!
Obviously you're stressed and overworked.
You should take some time off and relax

Have two glasses of wine.
A full box of Chocolates.
And a nice lunch.

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10675756_10152718977379559_9189095069532575780_n.j pg?oh=4886d3f230aff0b358a0891c92a2fca4&oe=549CFA26&__gda__=1417845107_2e60dc21a2dcc190c7f6e7a10c575e8 b

[NOV]

https://scontent-a-sin.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xaf1/t31.0-8/10703848_10204089430849627_8548543076108523031_o.j pg

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/10600349_770407099672104_7018389227023620246_n.jpg ?oh=48d1772d1c4c3ee2c6eafb3061e19c15&oe=54C6FD0F&__gda__=1422152805_5899d31fb6a95c7ed7961d57b67c26d 8

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/1208624_10151809380277744_2117547939_n.jpg?oh=6a22 38a7fe1392ba8cb30d77c5ef6818&oe=5492201E&__gda__=1422416068_34070bf73e86c59f00a6cb73f1d09d0 6

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10689727_533504800116741_5537054071604040193_n.jpg ?oh=35f5e1407425bb805b3f419e229f36e4&oe=54CDBEBB&__gda__=1417959939_970d4e287047b79a0ddf89717bb194e 9

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/1424355_783085305063989_5658063061316941296_n.jpg? oh=1d41072bcb20fbbe7990337c9b748c25&oe=5487D438&__gda__=1417916323_0c1d0280b7e0ce12557264a5bec3b40 6

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10659296_539146982885856_1721092522309746229_n.jpg ?oh=292c9a675b67b1a80753880fc91246d2&oe=54AEB991&__gda__=1421403433_9b5dadc7c28b7fc6de05d5516ff592c a

[NOV]

https://scontent-b-sin.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/946988_671712156206477_415031341_n.jpg?oh=1abc90e2 c944c124c8b6b8a62f309016&oe=54C755FB

[NOV]

http://www.tickld.com/cdn_image_article/a_930_20141007105523.jpg

[NOV]

http://www.tickld.com/cdn_image_article/a_930_20141007105540.jpg

[NOV]

http://www.tickld.com/cdn_image_article/a_930_20141007105549.jpg

[aanaa]

enaa romantic mood la :-)

[NOV]

https://scontent-a-kul.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xaf1/v/t1.0-9/163350_10151438642424674_600618955_n.jpg?oh=5c8152 378019fbeddd3ef80af529cfe9&oe=54BCE896

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xaf1/v/t1.0-9/10487357_10152804856146133_7752333204089180801_n.j pg?oh=98a9541bd6ff43000959cb837129a60f&oe=54F80D56&__gda__=1425380322_52281f2e4569632d39d1b9b6f087423 c

[NOV]

https://scontent-b-sin.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10622866_10152804662036133_3655418829064360035_n.j pg?oh=05e6749c2afba7adab52944eab855ad9&oe=54C9B35B

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10689656_10152308615181949_3451646994006001990_n.p ng?oh=003021b197d06ba031edd44fd0493e2a&oe=54C9A900&__gda__=1422554965_fd5cca786e546a08c154c3155a2ee46 c

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10702154_745532338815580_8799761652987529331_n.jpg ?oh=0c6cec5b4f00aa3028661aa728fed0d0&oe=54AFB5F9&__gda__=1422511141_f77c6fe1139dc48181e5fd3bf034ce0 b

[mahendra raj]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10702154_745532338815580_8799761652987529331_n.jpg ?oh=0c6cec5b4f00aa3028661aa728fed0d0&oe=54AFB5F9&__gda__=1422511141_f77c6fe1139dc48181e5fd3bf034ce0 b

This week's India Today?

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/10698529_10152730774817180_8120952179676178967_n.j pg?oh=a4fb76689b6722b12fbec0c5f9bf4094&oe=54AC1405&__gda__=1420454010_dce07bfcece84a4e09bc1658fc2bca2 2

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10150700_669743413073398_7946036866345323314_n.jpg ?oh=7e5d72653ec5273e7b985c42d7938995&oe=54F32D47&__gda__=1420437454_1f203de38f4ffbbad5129e7f4942ab9 2

[NOV]

https://scontent-b-kul.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/t31.0-8/10468472_10152858123544578_1981101213730691927_o.j pg

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t34.0-12/10726541_10201792053962467_251970424_n.jpg?oh=f8e6 3062b8f4de49aecea0fd9484bf07&oe=544ABF38&__gda__=1414232076_e401107ca0f6678a3b7ec2ae90e8ee4 f

[NOV]

E-Mail Note from a man in Sheffield to his friend in Birmingham:

I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood.

So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch.
I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIL in its centre.

Now,the Yorkshire police, the National Security Bureau, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in Europe are all watching my house 24x7x365.
My children are followed to school every day and my wife when she goes shopping.
I'm followed to and from work every day.

So no one bothers me at all.
I've never felt safer...

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10689920_10204931944278728_7642462147818063104_n.j pg?oh=e86d9ff7c8833261f0e3a26afeca9a05&oe=54E97960&__gda__=1424242038_9492e190d7fd3c9d3f7f79b4928a737 e

[NOV]

https://scontent-a-kul.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/1509060_10153250743383056_1151293655601601476_n.jp g?oh=54d957bbf5799f55176bbc6ded97e595&oe=54E5D094

[NOV]

https://scontent-b-sin.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10711052_10152766413282180_4283806326405854222_n.j pg?oh=38092d47e7fd19a5d2d874e650a00031&oe=54AAEBC9

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10584037_952363174792120_9195371685942607548_n.png ?oh=c74d721983e64c63301a05cae5df8456&oe=54D66349&__gda__=1423640768_8d8b904122508690ea37e80918285e5 f

[NOV]

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'
She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about
everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'
'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'
She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'
The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'
'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'
The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'
'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must Confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'
The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween Party.'

[raagadevan]

vElan: the cabbie/nun joke is really (really) good... just can't stop laughing! :rotfl:

[NOV]

:ty: RD :)


A Professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor:

“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology?

The sailor said no to all his questions.

Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy.

After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?

The professor said no.

Sailor: “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.

[NOV]

A new generation kid's twitter update..

"Internet was not working last night, spent time with family.
They seem to be nice people...."

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/1911636_1017156078340760_3985466208297014955_n.jpg ?oh=f655229e93cea1e6a24bedf6838114ae&oe=54D850C6&__gda__=1423331610_d7ec792802cf69d424df31a0848c2d6 6

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10704105_817086958314702_2500514912748810251_n.jpg ?oh=82b0ffe73afd6e0347449a4fc2f1f1d3&oe=54DE6588&__gda__=1423105876_ca9f9f7afbb9ad7f8e1cc25f399e309 7

[NOV]

Grandma eavesdropped on a young couple...
We've been together for 4mths now, says boy.. n what's d proof?
Girl says... ABCDEFG! What's that? asks boy...
A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl..
Grandma's jealous.. ran home n asks Grandpa...
You still love me? What's the proof?
Of course I love you.. we've been together for 40yrs..
That's not enough.. Grandma says... I want to hear ABCDEFG...!
ok.. says Grandpa.. ABCDEFGHIJK..!
Elaborate... says Grandma..
Grandpa says.. I love you cos you're... Amazing, Beautiful, Cute, Dynamic, Elegant, Fantastic, Good, Honest....
Grandma was beaming, smiling from ear to ear n blushing... n whats IJK?
Grandpa says... I'm Just Kidding....

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/t31.0-8/10620365_10152918853989578_3345514819633983154_o.j pg

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xaf1/v/t1.0-9/10689821_715196268587583_4927968845052754473_n.jpg ?oh=1a98a2addf794c8c1ac6d3da0fca5dc2&oe=54DBAAF4&__gda__=1424349509_d5df7f80af2ab29653770d1d42f0cd4 4

[NOV]

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16 You're never too old to learn something stupid.

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10806230_1566042323609959_5865325740314089215_n.jp g?oh=f9dafa1b5e1234034bc57399b314fec3&oe=54DB6B6F&__gda__=1423399231_299040342fbbc22e5f720f34554eece a

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/1525507_10205060943863637_3045707788817220588_n.jp g?oh=ed97e515e4700961b7d536a1afe8934d&oe=5512B409&__gda__=1427007286_349117c0aaebb5ee34d06296dfce3c8 4

[AREGU]

Dog 1 : vav,,vav,,

Dog 2 : vaav.. vav..

D1 : vaavv.. vavvavvav..

D2 : urrrrrrrrr...

D1 : stop.. stop.. why're you changing the topic..?

[NOV]

https://scontent-b-kul.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/t31.0-8/1965534_10152936531924578_7357402082928944333_o.jp g

[NOV]

5 star hotel chef calls his wife and asks: whats for dinner?
Wife : Steamed fine long grain white rice hand-picked in the emerald green lap of the Vindhyas, accompanied by a golden lentil spicy soup that was gently simmered with the choiciest handpicked southern spices and the smouldering tang of organic tamarind

Husband : means ?

Wife : Chorum sambarum.

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xaf1/t31.0-8/10257137_10152940997124578_7896307857052854416_o.j pg

[AREGU]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/1456690_1395970620694461_7671902348749313369_n.jpg ?oh=51194bfafac8511c41dd97559bd1fc37&oe=550B3DA2&__gda__=1423979464_78baa1f9a01c887add4184970f9707b a

[NOV]

Arranged marriage is like you are walking down a path and a snake suddenly bites you....

While love marriage is like you dancing in front of a cobra and singing will you be my chammak challo.....

[NOV]

At a party a man was seen going to the counter asking the bartender to refill every now and then. His wife admonished him saying that he should be embarrassed for asking for so many refills.

The man replied - why should I be embarrassed? Each time I ask for the refill I tell the bartender it is for you!

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xaf1/v/t1.0-9/10351601_10152892599067112_1947724661710662406_n.j pg?oh=5a90f94770b9d98349e14abc3cdbb442&oe=54DB8E83&__gda__=1427484471_2d825bf3785e0616f9b17f597363072 5

[NOV]

https://scontent-b-sin.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/1509028_637792806325021_1214318369332237898_n.jpg? oh=11b87da4ad5d853988e4b6f0c31ba329&oe=550F3A5D

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10423782_917740078250794_8911552373358420014_n.jpg ?oh=9b077fd30d711f0e5e70fd7cc05fbbab&oe=54D248A5&__gda__=1426233629_59f74c361fa5fec14ab73850dbf7659 9

[NOV]

https://scontent-a-kul.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10645087_10152831863732180_6192603524458073007_n.j pg?oh=7965f863f7e76132dc8448ba467b9b3f&oe=5513F046

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/1911989_10152834225537180_3402513690626483522_n.jp g?oh=2eaa5f104a84a0a8ba34995243ca2d91&oe=5505510C&__gda__=1426940764_e6561c8551784ab186b1e0b052637ef 0

[raagadevan]

Good blonde joke vElan! Here's another one...

In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth... if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. "I think I'm the smartest woman on earth." "POOF!" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. "I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth." "POOF!" She disappears. The blonde goes up. "I think..." "POOF!"

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/1939523_320698601450081_1225154415593928883_n.jpg? oh=c34756a8eb605828f4cdcc3127a19ebb&oe=550035B6&__gda__=1427315711_f1caf65967ccc1e12443b451789be18 2

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10432153_937977749557959_2315258271570940006_n.jpg ?oh=7fd2704cb713abd1b2baf3ba1515a796&oe=551935EC&__gda__=1426470960_ccc0a8486fc6f6cde26a0037c45a0dd b

[NOV]

https://scontent-a-sin.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfa1/t31.0-8/10620216_10152916198252112_9155278269432468886_o.j pg

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/10806496_10152921345092112_4785341349895724469_n.j pg?oh=5a11ca63927a53f9cabd43b05eb59f3a&oe=5505CD77&__gda__=1427844872_81175e2fcc31ddd711677b9128f3089 2

[NOV]

There was a family with one kid. One day the mother was out and dad was in charge of the kid, who just turned three.

Someone had given the kid a little 'tea set' as a birthday gift and it was one of his favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when kid brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise from father for such yummy tea, kid’s Mom came home.

Dad made her wait in the living room to watch the kid bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!'

Mom waited, and sure enough, the kid comes down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then she says to him, 'Did it ever come to your mind that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet comode?'

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Dad loves u but mother knows u..!

[NOV]

https://scontent-b-kul.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10299083_808107572543589_9052171025408433095_n.jpg ?oh=49ac74f11b414b45e5345731444995d3&oe=55138D15

[NOV]

https://scontent-a-kul.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10845991_857648110946115_8122232852760272299_n.jpg ?oh=5bc0660578224ca414917e04d871c141&oe=55451F40

[NOV]

https://scontent-a-sin.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/t31.0-8/10486239_10152996576459578_7057991778388005952_o.j pg

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xaf1/t31.0-8/10842356_10152999764144578_2002065981802431834_o.j pg

[NOV]

https://scontent-b-sea.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10415648_10152934027557112_6331868735946849639_n.j pg?oh=3c9f28e4b74ef9ef861784d5dd3e1bd5&oe=550706BD

[NOV]

https://scontent-b-kul.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10849995_765779680125692_5561505449352672944_n.jpg ?oh=54ba02545e76d82231ef1832e61fc1c5&oe=5543D039

[NOV]

https://scontent-b-sea.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10845902_969166616430179_446856832689715496_n.jpg? oh=df9d9f80777fe99dd0c5a72f7965be2b&oe=54FE3616

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/t31.0-8/10293602_10153018039704578_757095860450344600_o.jp g

[NOV]

A lady calls a dentist to inquire about the cost for tooth extraction.

Dentist: Rs 850 Ma'm.

Lady: Rs 850!!! Too much! Don't you have anything cheaper?

Dentist: That's the normal charge, Ma'm.

Lady: What if you don't use any anaesthetic?

Dentist: That's unusual, ma'm but can be done and will cut the cost by Rs 400.

Lady : Ok. And what if you deploy one of your trainee-dentists to do the extraction, without anaesthetic?

Dentist: Well, I cannot guarantee professionalism and it also would be painful. But the price could drop down to Rs 150.

Lady: Hmm. What if you make it like a training-session, like one of your students does the extraction, while the other students watch and learn?

Dentist: It'll be good for the students but quite traumatic. And I can pay you Rs 200 for it.

Lady: Now you're talking! Ok, it's a deal. Can I confirm an appointment for my mother-in-law for tomorrow then?

[NOV]

http://images1.tickld.com/live/articles/a_1160_20141224110342.jpg

[NOV]

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." As an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.

Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them: "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now, learn to pay attention."

[rachel]

https://scontent-b-kul.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10849995_765779680125692_5561505449352672944_n.jpg ?oh=54ba02545e76d82231ef1832e61fc1c5&oe=5543D039

:lol:

[rachel]

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." As an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.

Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them: "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now, learn to pay attention."

nov.. this is disgusting

[NOV]

A boy found a lamp in an attic and rubbed it. As expected a genie appeared.

Genie: What do you want?

Boy: A very beautiful girl.

Genie: OK, if you are a Hindu, I'll give you Priya Anand

If you are a Muslim, I'll give you Nazriya

If you are a Christian, I'll give you Samantha

If you are a Punjabi, I'll give you Kajal Agarwal

What's your name?

Boy: My name is Vijay Abdul Fernandes Singh.

[NOV]

It was the first day of a school in the USA & a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade classroom...

The teacher said: Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?

He saw a sea of blank faces except for Chandrasekhar who had his hand up & said: Patrick Henry, 1775!

"Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish 'from the Earth?''

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar: Abraham Lincoln, 1863!

The teacher snapped at the class: Class! You should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you do.
She heard a loud whisper: F*** the Indians!

'Who said that?', she demanded.

Chandrasekhar: General Custer, 1862.

At that point, a student in the back said: I'm gonna puke!

The teacher glares around & asks: All right! Now, who said that?

Again, Chandrasekhar says: George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.

Now furious, another student yells from the back of the class: Oh yeah? Suck this!

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand & shouts to the teacher: Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said: You little shit! If you say anything more, I'll kill you!

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice: Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said: Oh shit, we're screwed!

And Chandrasekhar said quietly: I think it was Lehmann Brothers, November 4th, 2008.

[NOV]

Great lines by K.V. Ramachandran:
"Change cannot be given to you everytime. You must bring the change."

Who is K.V. Ramachandran?
.......
.......
........
........

He is the great bus conductor. Now read his lines once again. :p

[NOV]

https://scontent-a-lhr.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10915210_10153125083249578_4445497469581480095_n.j pg?oh=0f540b7372797eb9e88470dd25e5cd01&oe=55245204

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10685444_649529608485309_4067829490796876569_n.jpg ?oh=5cb440e91f210baf8da1012f5c1ce5c6&oe=555C8F19&__gda__=1433137825_fa1eaefe6c1857647e950d67ddc49b8 1

[NOV]

https://scontent-a-lhr.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10922808_1235353159927580_6525718195956015563_n.jp g?oh=cec2818d8cfd02c532417a1e55f36bdc&oe=55299DAA

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfa1/v/t1.0-9/392990_10151339901939674_1621619416_n.jpg?oh=7c600 08ae55f3a708f31c9c7610f56a3&oe=5527864F&__gda__=1432102464_2cffa5392542d26be046febf2e698d8 d

[NOV]

Doctor gets a phone call.

My husband just swallowed the aspirins by mistake, what shall I do?

Doctor : Give him a headache now, what else?

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/250481_512649312097592_75433580_n.jpg?oh=a5f2961c5 c4c16595acd005419b68545&oe=552C145C&__gda__=1428263020_c5e2f617acc0b2437b24d44bfe523aa 6

[NOV]

Pre-take off announcement on a China Southern Airlines Flight.
This is true account of what was heard on a recent flight from Shenzhen to Qingtao.

"Good afternoon, Ladies and the German. This is your cheap purser Wang Lui speaking. On behalf of China Sudden Airlines, I would like to waycome you on board our Bowling 737 fom Shenzhen to Qingtao.

Members of my kew speak Chinese and other languages that you do not know. It is a great pressure serving you to-die.

Should you need any resistance during the fright, peace do pest the call button. I and my gals are available to make you feel comfortable.

Meanwhile, the airkwaft is going to fry. Peace sit upright and keep you belt tightly fastened until dinner is served at five dirty p.m..

Hope you would enjoy your fright with us. Funk kill."

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfa1/t31.0-8/10575266_10153140934884578_7206006444376739532_o.j pg

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/1526776_787086024706065_8596923897721793289_n.jpg? oh=3d8f72f851d1e4d24bc8c712d9292de4&oe=555B4BB1&__gda__=1428751146_689c3585e39faa15f1d76a70b5693fe 3

[NOV]

https://scontent-a-hkg.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/1484117_716555828453383_4504959868084233974_n.jpg? oh=78c52e99207c004395f08c00e2994c8e&oe=556D0CB0

[NOV]

There was a Japanese man who went to America for a sightseeing holiday. On the last day of his tour, he hailed a taxi to take him to the airport.

During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. The Japanese man yelled excitedly, "Honda, very fast,very fast! Made in Japan!"

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese shouted, "Toyota, very fast, very fast! Made in Japan!"

And then, a Mazda sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese man yelled, "Mazda, very fast, very fast! Made in Japan!"

The taxi driver was getting angry and irritated but he kept quiet. This went on for quite a number of cars.

Finally, the taxi arrived at the airport. The fare was US$200. The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah...so expensive!"

Thereupon, the taxi driver shouted,"Meter, very fast, very fast! Made in Japan!"

[NOV]

Wife (asking in a loving tone): "Honey, Will you build 'Taj Mahal' for me."?

Husband: "I have already purchased the land. The delay is from your side only..."

[NOV]

A man was being interviewed for a post of a commando in Army!

Interviewer: We want a person with suspicious mind, always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability and most importantly having a killer instinct! So do you think you are eligible?

Man: Sir.... Can my wife apply?

[NOV]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10505346_10202389903188740_9005477279778075149_n.j pg?oh=c0771855a9752aab06d43cd4edcdc4be&oe=55936078&__gda__=1430969117_39a4285482a13461c22185d1ec745c2 9

[NOV]

ONCE UPON A TIME

A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her,

"Father, may I ask a favour?"

"Of course you may. What can I do for you?"

"Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid that they'll confiscate it from me.

Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her.

The Customs Officer asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked,

"And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman,

but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, "God bless you, Father, go ahead."

[NOV]

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[NOV]

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[NOV]

One Engineer could not find a job so he opened a clinic and puts a board outside.. get treatment for $300... if not treated get back $1,000!

A Doctor sees this and thinks that this was a good opportunity to earn $1,000.

Doctor : I have lost my taste in eating!

Engineer : Nurse , bring medicine from box no 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth.

Patient (Doctor) : This is Petrol!

Engineer : Congrats.. you got your taste back ..give me $300!

Doctor is annoyed and goes back after some days to recover his money.
Doctor : I have lost my memory, and cannot remember anything.

Engineer : Nurse , bring medicine from box no 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth.

Doctor : But isn' this for taste?

Engineer : Congrats. you got your memory back.. give my fees $300.

Doctor goes back angrily and comes back after some days.
Doctor : My eyesight has become weak.

Engineer : Well I don't have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000.

Doctor : But this is a $500 note.

Engineer : Congrats .. you got back your eyesight .. give my fees $300!

Doctor shocks...Engineer Rocks..!!!

[NOV]

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[NOV]

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[NOV]

An Indian lady decided to celebrate Women's Day by going to a bar. As this was her first time, she didn't want to sit at the tables alone and decided to sit at the bar counter.

Not knowing how to order, she started observing the people around her.

The bartender came to take the orders. The man on her left said, "Jack Daniels, single."

The man on the other side said, "Johnny Walker, single."

The bartender looked at the lady and asked, "and you?"

The lady replied: "Meenachi Sokkalingam, married."

[NOV]

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
~By Lee Majors

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
~By Al Gore

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
~By Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
~By Mike Tyson

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"
~By George Clooney

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
~By Bill Clinton

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
~By George W. Bush

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
~By Rudy Giuliani

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
~By Michael Jordan

"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t. The third gave me more children!"
~By Donald Trump

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
~By Shaquille O’Neal

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
~By Kobe Bryant

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
By David Hasselhoff

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
~By Alec Baldwin

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
~By Barack Obama

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
~By Tommy Lee

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
~By Brad Pitt

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy : "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
~ By Jimmy Kimmel

“Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’?” Husband replies, “That’s the reason why the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first!”
~By David Letterman

“First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring...soon after....comes Suffe r..ing!
~By Jay Leno

[aanaa]

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
~By Lee Majors

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
~By Al Gore

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
~By Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
~By Mike Tyson

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"
~By George Clooney

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
~By Bill Clinton

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
~By George W. Bush

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
~By Rudy Giuliani

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
~By Michael Jordan

"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t. The third gave me more children!"
~By Donald Trump

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
~By Shaquille O’Neal

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
~By Kobe Bryant

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
By David Hasselhoff

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
~By Alec Baldwin

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
~By Barack Obama

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
~By Tommy Lee

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
~By Brad Pitt

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy : "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
~ By Jimmy Kimmel

“Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’?” Husband replies, “That’s the reason why the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first!”
~By David Letterman

“First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring...soon after....comes Suffe r..ing!
~By Jay Leno

ஏன் இவ்வளவு தாபம் ..:-)

[NOV]

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[NOV]

A man died and went to heaven..God was surprised to see his heart was still beating..

God asked him, how come?

The man replied ; I'm dead but my wife still lives in my heart..

The man was sent to Hell for over acting..

[NOV]

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[NOV]

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[NOV]

A King enrolled his donkey in a race & won.

Local paper read: 'KING's ASS WON'

The king was so upset with this kind of publicity that he gave the donkey to the queen.

The local paper then read:"QUEEN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN"

The king fainted. Queen sold the donkey to a farmer for 10$.

Next day paper read: "QUEEN SELLS HER ASS FOR $10"

The queen fainted. The next day king ordered the queen to buy back the donkey and leave it in jungle.

The Next Headlines: "QUEEN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS FREE & WILD"

The king died... !!

[NOV]

A drunken & totally naked woman jumped into a taxi at Park Beach Plaza in Coffs Harbour, Australia. The Indian driver shook his head, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the taxi.

"What are you staring at Luv, haven't you ever seen a woman with no clothes on before?"

"I'll not be staring at you lady, I am telling you, that would not be proper, where I am coming from..."

"Well, if you're not bloody staring at me Luvie, what are you doing then?"

"Well, I am looking and looking, and I am thinking and thinking to myself, where is this lady keeping the money to be paying me?"

[NOV]

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[NOV]

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[NOV]

A man asked Vijaya Kanth, why Narendra Modi goes walking in the evening and not in the morning.

Vijaya Kanth replied, ''Thambi, Modi is PM not AM."

[NOV]

A Suspicious wife calls her husband : Where are you?
Husband : At home love.
Wife: Are you sure?
Husband: Yes.
Wife : Turn on the blender
Husband : (turns blender on) Rrrreeereeeereeee...
Wife: Ok my love goodbye.

Another day...
Suspicious Wife: Where are you?
Husband : At home love. Wife: Are you sure?
Husband : Yes.
Wife: Turn on the blender.
Husband: (turns blender on) Rrreeereeeereeee...
Wife: Ok my love goodbye.

The next day, the wife decides to go home without notice, and finds her son alone and she asked him, "Son where is your father?"
Son: "I do not know, he went out with the blender...

[NOV]

What is difference between poison and alcohol?
If you drink alcohol, you will dance around people. If you drink poison, peoplewill dance around you.

Why is it called alcohol?
Because aalukku aal enjoy it.

[NOV]

TEACHER: If you cannot make people understand what you are saying, you are stupid!

STUDENT: Sorry sir, I don't understand.

[NOV]

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[NOV]

A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

-----------------------

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

------------------------

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

-------------------

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

-----------------

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

----------------------

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

----------------------

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

--------------------

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

-------------------

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

-------------------

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

---------------------

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

---------------------

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

---------------------

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

--------------------

13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

-----------------

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

---------------

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

[NOV]

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[NOV]

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[NOV]

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[NOV]

A Lawyer with a wife and their 12 children were looking for a new house to rent, as the tenancy agreement was ending at their current house.
But he was having difficulty in finding a house to rent as the landlords were worried about the large number of children. As a lawyer, he could not and would not lie.

Finally one day, he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with their 11 children. He took the remaining one with him to see the houses. One of the houses impressed him and the agent asked the usual question.

"How many children do you have?"

He answered, "I have 12 children."

Recovering from the initial shock, the agent then asked "Where are the others?"

The lawyer answered, with a sad look, "They are in the cemetery with their mother."

And that is how he ended up in your neighbourhood.

[NOV]

Guy receives a message from an unknown number:

Msg: Why are you not at the temple?!?!

Guy: Who is this?

Msg: God!

Guy: Why are you texting in the temple, God? Pay attention please!

[NOV]

Son: "Dad, there is someone at the door to collect donations for a community swimming pool."

Father: "Okay, give him a glass of water."

[NOV]

"You should treat your girlfriend the same way you treat your mobile phone."

"What, take good care of her, and never lose her?"

"No, upgrade every couple of years."

[NOV]

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[NOV]

Gal: I'm scared baby...
Guy: Why is that?
Gal: That one day you will love someone else besides me.
Guy: I already do - and she looks like you.
Gal: awww... our future daughter, I love you so much....
Guy: No, your sister.

[NOV]

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[NOV]

A bus full of housewives going on a picnic, fell into a river and all passengers died.

All the husbands cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks !!!

When asked that did he miss his wife so much, he replied miserably, "No, my wife missed the bus."

[NOV]

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[NOV]

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[NOV]

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[NOV]

Understanding A Girl Is Like Downloading A 4GB File.
At The Speed Of 2kbps it Ends Up..
In An Error At 99%

[NOV]

All girls are beautiful, after the lights are switched off!
- Shakespeare.

All boys are innocent before the lights are off!
- Shakespeare's wife.

[NOV]

Beauty of ENGLISH-
Ever noticed how deleting one word after another in a sentence can lead to a nice story ?
Here's an example:
"Oh Jack plz dont touch me at all .!"
"Oh Jack plz dont touch me at..!"
"Oh Jack plz dont touch..!"
"Oh Jack plz dont..!"
"Oh Jack plz...!"
"Oh Jack.. !"
"Oh....!"
"O....!"

[NOV]

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