A joke per day...keeps the doctor away! [Archive] - Page 6

Sarna

9th June 2011, 09:38 AM

ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER &! #8211; PART VI

Professor: Narender! Next chapter nee seminar edukkuriya?
Narender: Yen ungalukku andhaa chapter puriyaliya?
Professor: Dei! Yegathaalam pesaathadaa! Wilson Friedman book ah padichi adutha chapter seminar edu!
Narender: Neengale local author book ah padichi thaana class edukkureenga! Naan mattum yen foreign author book ah padikkanum?
Professor: Indha subject romba kashtam! Purinjiko!
Narender: Indha subject romba kashtam! Athanaan puriya mattenguthu!
Professor: Idhulaa pass aanavanga rombaa kammi!
Narender: Yen? Neenga eduthathunaalaya?
Professor: Venaamda! Yen vayitherichala kottikkatha! Nallaave irukka maatta!
Narender: Yezhuvathu per vayitherichala kottikittu neengale nalla irukkumpothu unga oruthar vayitherichala kottikittu naan nallaa irukka mattana?
Professor: Yenda ippadi oora suthura?
Narender: City la irundhu 50 Km thalli college ah kattna oora suthikittu thaan varanum!
Professor: Un notes ah kaatra!
Narender: Purse la ippo sillara mattum thaan irukku! Notes ethuvum illa! Naan venumna ATM la poi konjam eduthukuttu vanthu kattatta?
Professor: Pona test la nee ezhuthuna answer ellame thappu!
Narender: Pona testukku naan absent aache?
Professor: Ivlov mattamaana student ah naan paathathe illa!
Narender: Naanum ivlov mattamaana…
Professor: Dei!
Narender: Subject ah paathathe illanu solla vanthen!
Professor: Pasanga ellaam groupaa…
Narender: Beer adikka koodathu nu sollreengala?
Professor: Dei!... Group ah padikkumpothu neeyum senthu padikkalaam illa?
Narender: Padicha parava illaye… Beer adichaa?!
Professor: Ponnungale indha kaalathula…
Narender: Beer adikkuraangala? Cha! Enakkum kashtamaa thaan irukku…
Professor: Sathamaa pesaathada! Veliya HOD irukkaru! Kettura poraaru!
Narender: HOD kettaa avarukkum oru peg ootha vendiyathuthaan!
Professor: Dei!... Naan un professor da!
Narender: Sorry sir! Firstu ungalukku! Appuram thaan HODku!
Professor: Dei!… Ponnungale indha kaalathula nallaa padikkuraangada!
Narender: Enna pannurathu… Kaalam kettu kedakku!
Professor: Namma class Anitha va paaruda!
Narender: Paakkura alavukku ava avlov nallaa illaye! Venumna ava pakkathula irukkura Aishwaryava pakkurane!
Professor: Dei!... Anitha evlov kashtappattu padikkuraa paaruda!
Narender: Kannadi pottaa ellam sariya podium!
Professor: Arrear vizhuntha ennadaa pannuva?
Narender: Re-evaluationukku apply pannuven!
Professor: Idhu epperpatta college theriyuma?
Narender: Ippo theriyum… Aana join pannurathukku munnadi theriyaathu! Therinjirunthaa naan join pannirukkave matten!
Professor: Manasu valikkuthu!
Narender: Enakku kaathu valikkuthu!
Professor: Ippadi pesurathukku unakku vekkamaa illa?
Narender: Vekkamaa illa! Aana tired ah irukku! Naalikki continue pannuvoma?!
Professor: Naan innikki class edukka porathu illa!
Narender: Yen ivlov neram pesunathula mug adicha notes maranthu pocha?!
Professor: Abdul Kalam porantha naaduda ithu!
Narender: Cha! Apperpattavar porantha athey naatla ungala maathiri sila perum porakkuraangale!
Professor: Ulagame oru naadaga meda…
Narender: Achacho!
Professor: Athula naam ellorum nadigargal…
Narender: Achacho achacho!
Professor: Appadinu Shakespeare solli irukkaaru da!
Narender: Athu kooda neenga sonnathillaya? Sonthamaa ennathaan solli irukkeenga?
Professor: (To the students) Dear students! Ivan inga irukkura varaikkum ennaala class edukka mudiyaathu! Naan poren!
//Beggar: Enna vaaiyya unakku?! Enna vaai?
Gounder: Thol vaaida! Paatha theriyala?
Beggar: Theriyuthuyaa! Unkooda irundhaa, ennakkum picha kedaikkaathuya! Pooya! Naan poren!
Gounder: Ov! Governmenttu job ah resign pannittu poraarraa ivarurov! (Censored)//

That was a small part of my flashback. The next day I was sitting with Rubini Priya in my cubicle and was discussing the project we were assigned to. We became cubicle mates.

Narender: Innikki oru mukkiyamaana mail varum! Vandha enkitta sollu!
Rubini Priya: Mukkiyamaana mail, mukkiyamillaatha mail ethu ethu nu eppadi therinjikkurathu?
Narender: From address la HRD irunthaale athu mukkiyamillaatha mail thaan!
//Vadivelu: Mela poi theva illaatha aaniyellaam pudungu po!
Ramesh Kanna: Thevayaana aani, thevayillaatha aaninu eppadi therinjikkurathu?
Vadivelu: Nee pudungurathu poorve thevayillaathathu thaan! Poi pudungu!
//
Rubini Priya: Appo nee enna panna pora?
Narender: Nethu veettukku oru vendaathava vanthu veruppethittaa! Orey tensan! Athaan konjam rest edukkuren!
Sometime later.
Rubini Priya: Hey oru mail vanthirukku!
Narender: Enna pottrukku? Padi…
Rubini Priya: ‘Are you certified?...’
Narender: ‘I don’t give a damn’nu solli shift+delete pannu!
Rubini Priya: Hey communicator la Bangalore TL status online aagiduchi!
Narender: Appo un status ah away pottuttu kelambu! Poi coffee kudikkalaam!
Rubini Priya: OK!
Narender: Ippo edhukku coffee mug ah edukkura?
Rubini Priya: Namma floor laye coffee machine irukke!
Narender: Oh! Appadingala!
Rubini Priya: Latte, espresso, cappuccino nu moonu button irukku!
Narender: Endha button azhuthanaalum orey liquid thaan varum!
Rubini Priya: Appo inga coffee kudikka venaamnu sollriya?
Narender: Uyir mela aasa irukka?
Rubini Priya: Irukku!
Narender: Appo en kooda FC vaa!

SoftSword

9th June 2011, 03:48 PM

sarna... ivlo periya jokea....
fun lines mattum highlight panna vasadhiyaa irukkum...

Sarna

12th June 2011, 12:52 PM

ellaa lines'umE fun dhaan :)

SoftSword

12th June 2011, 05:42 PM

rightu vidunga...

PARAMASHIVAN

14th June 2011, 08:59 PM

நோயாளி : டாக்டர், வயித்து வலி என்னால பொறுக்க முடியல...

டாக்டர் : வயிறு வலிக்கும்போது, நீங்க ஏன் பொறுக்கப் போறீங்க?

NOV

22nd June 2011, 03:12 PM

Father: Nee Ava kitta "I Love You " Sonniya?
LKG Son: Sonnen But Athu Nadakkathu.,
Father: Why?
LKG Son: Ava Yaaro Rendu pera Love Panraalam.. "I Love you 2" -nu sonna..
Father: !!!!???????

Cinemarasigan

22nd June 2011, 06:29 PM

Father: Nee Ava kitta "I Love You " Sonniya?
LKG Son: Sonnen But Athu Nadakkathu.,
Father: Why?
LKG Son: Ava Yaaro Rendu pera Love Panraalam.. "I Love you 2" -nu sonna..
Father: !!!!???????

:lol:...............

NOV

23rd June 2011, 07:26 AM

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery Store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."

The little boy replied with a chuckle. "Awww, come on...You don't even know the way to the Post Office."

Balaji.r

23rd June 2011, 12:23 PM

............ :lol: ...........

SoftSword

23rd June 2011, 03:17 PM

NOV

23rd June 2011, 06:30 PM

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

NOV

23rd June 2011, 06:31 PM

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

NOV

23rd June 2011, 06:31 PM

When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise!

Sarna

24th June 2011, 09:00 AM

There was a good old barber in Chennai.

One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service. Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber, barber again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.

A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay, the barber again refuses money saying that it was a community service.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there......

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A dozen software engineers waiting for a free haircut...! With printouts of forwarded mail mentioning about free hair cut and the google map showing the shop.

Ha ha ha :)

sathya_1979

24th June 2011, 09:44 AM

:banghead:

ajithfederer

24th June 2011, 09:48 AM

Oh common sathya that was funny. Yeah, I am not a S/E though :noteeth:

sathya_1979

24th June 2011, 10:31 AM

Oh common sathya that was funny. Yeah, I am not a S/E though :noteeth:
I found it not, hence my banghead :)

SoftSword

24th June 2011, 05:30 PM

i found it a bit funny too. i just wanted to treat it as a joke.
good one nov :)
vara vara unga std increase agudhu....

NOV

7th July 2011, 07:10 PM

History always tells a story.......... That's why we must delete it before DAD uses the computer.

kugan98

9th July 2011, 12:37 PM

Lessons in Logic
If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.

.................................................. .....................

Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect......
so why practice?

.................................................. .....................

Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

.................................................. .....................

Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

.................................................. .....................

The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.

.................................................. .....................

The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.

.................................................. .....................

kugan98

14th July 2011, 12:55 PM

Read somewhere:

Polish Man
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean. What are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland.

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?
No, she's white.

Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?
I got proof.

What kind of proof?
She going to poison me. She buys a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover"

nms

19th July 2011, 02:29 PM

This Thread is still running!!.. AM checking after almost two years.cud be more than that!!..

Happy to Read :)

Sarna

26th July 2011, 10:43 AM

Sarna

26th July 2011, 10:44 AM

A Guy WAS chatting with a female (never met her directly) - Online chat.

(Background, both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's )

Hero: Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?

Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat

Hero: wow...am honored, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat

Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.

Hero: OK(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)

Manager: Hey, I need some help from you

Hero: [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me

Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?

Hero: I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening.

Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]

(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)

Female: Hey, am back

Hero: cool, you know what my manager does, She's kinda..... keeps asking stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work

Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!

Hero: Yep, u rite!!

Female: Hey, can u do me a favor

Hero: *smiles* sure, why not.

Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number; given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent for me to work this out

Hero: hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now. ok?

Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!

Sarna

26th July 2011, 10:46 AM

Not only we hate the Long working weekends, even the calender says W T F after the monday and tuesday ;)

Sarna

26th July 2011, 10:48 AM

Little Raj came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.
Little Raj was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Raj’s mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.
Little Raj, of course, thought he did.
Raj’s mother wanted Raj to reflect on his behaviour over the last year.
Go to your room, Raj, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to Lord Krishna and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday.
Little Raj stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write Krishna [Lord] a letter.
**************
Letter 1
Dear Krishna [Lord],
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Raj
**************
Raj knew that this wasn’t true. He had not been a very good boy this year,
So he tore up the letter and started over.
**************
Letter 2
Dear Krishna [Lord],
This is your friend Raj. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday. Thank you.
Your friend,
Raj
**************
Raj knew he could not send this letter to krishna either. So, Raj wrote a third letter
**************
Letter 3
Lord Krishna,
I know I haven’t been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.
I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday please!
Thank you,
Raj
**************
Raj knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.
Now, Raj was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to temple.
Raj’s mother thought her plan had worked, as Raj looked very sad.
Just be home in time for dinner, Raj’s mother told him.
Raj walked down the street to the temple on the corner.
Little Raj went into the temple and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there.
Raj bent down and picked up a statue of the Radha.
He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the temple, down the street, into the house, and up to his room.
He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Raj began to write his letter to Krishna.
**************
Letter 5
Lord Krishna,
I’VE KIDNAPPED YOUR GIRLFRIEND. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE

Balaji.r

26th July 2011, 11:01 AM

History always tells a story.......... That's why we must delete it before DAD uses the computer.
it can be otherway too :mrgreen:

kugan98

26th July 2011, 12:14 PM

A Dollar Per Point
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.

Sarna

29th July 2011, 10:21 AM

A helicopter was flying around above Bangalore when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said:
"YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to Bengaluru airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

"I knew it had to be the IT Park, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer." :rotfl: :rotfl:

app_engine

29th July 2011, 11:42 PM

A conversation between two beggars in the local railway station……..

1st beggar: Which PLATFORM is yours?

Another conversation between two software engineers in the same station……….

1st person: which PLATFORM is yours?

What next Sarna? Two prostitutes in a bus stop asking each other "were you up all night" and two IT guys asking the same question to each other in the same bus stop?

seyyum thozhilukku neenga seyyum mariyAdhai pullarikka vaikkudhu :-)

app_engine

29th July 2011, 11:55 PM

A car bumber sticker I read this morning :

I DON'T DISCRIMINATE
(I hate everyone)

sathya_1979

30th July 2011, 06:09 PM

What next Sarna? Two prostitutes in a bus stop asking each other "were you up all night" and two IT guys asking the same question to each other in the same bus stop?
seyyum thozhilukku neenga seyyum mariyAdhai pullarikka vaikkudhu :-)
Hypocrisy mbaaingaLE!

Sarna

1st August 2011, 11:35 AM

//ennanga app, jokes thread'la vandhu serious'aa pEsikkittu ?

Sarna

2nd August 2011, 09:03 AM

☼☼ SIDE EFFECTS of working in the IT sector !!! ☼☼
__________________________________________________ ___________

Bhavik

I once left home to go to the market wearing my Infosys ID card
and did not realize till my friend asked me why I was wearing it !!!!

__________________________________________________ ___________

Bhabani

Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the house door with keys.

__________________________________________________ ________

Ashok

Few days back I slept at 12:00 in the night and woke up in the morning
at 7:00 and suddenly thought that I haven't completed 8 hours and
laughed at myself when I realized that I am at home.

__________________________________________________ ________

Jyotsna

Just after our training completion in Mysore and posting to Pune,
me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants. .
And as I finished.. I started walking towards the wash basin with Plates in my hand..
__________________________________________________ _________

Abhijeet

Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around.
I went on to ask, "Why is she not attending the status call?"
__________________________________________________ _______

Anup

I don't login to orkut, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc..
at my personal internet connection at home...
thinking it will be blocked any way.
Till I realize - I am at home.
__________________________________________________ __________

Rohit

Yeah sometimes it do happens with me also.
keeping hands in front of tap for waiting
water to drop by itself is very frequent with me.
I just forget that we have to turn on and off the tap....
__________________________________________________ __________

Nidhi

Once after talking to one of my friends
I ended the conversation saying,
" Ok bye...in case of any issues will call u back"
__________________________________________________ _________

Nisha

Sometimes when I mistakenly delete a message
from my mobile, I hope for a second, maybe it’s in the recycle bin

__________________________________________________ _____________

Nisha

I gave my office mail id and password to access Gmail and
wondered when they became invalid???

__________________________________________________ ________

Sandeep

Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab....
pharmacist asked whether I want 250mg or 500mg.....
I replied 256mg....thank god he didn't notice.
__________________________________________________ __________

Ashwin

Me getting a thought of doing an Alt+Tab while switching
from a news channel to the DVD while watching TV.
__________________________________________________ ___________

Vidyarthi

And I - after a forty hour marathon in Bhubaneshwar with Powerbuilder,
decided to take a break and went to a movie. In the middle of the movie,
when I wanted to check the time,
I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the theatre screen!

ksen

2nd August 2011, 10:15 AM

// idhuvum seriousaa pEsara maadhiridhaan irukku :) //

Sarna

2nd August 2011, 05:40 PM

//ksen, one mans food other mans poison'mbaaingalE.... adhu maadhiri.... illanaa... ellaarukkumE Goundamani comedy pudikkanumE.... oru silarukku goundamani is the best comedian in tamil cinema.... innum oru silarukku, he is the worst comedian in tamil cinema...taste differs //

PARAMASHIVAN

3rd August 2011, 08:22 PM

Kids Are Quick
____________________________________

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America ..
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your maths multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
________________________________ ____________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right..... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
______________ ___________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

aanaa

4th August 2011, 09:12 PM

Kids Are Quick

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
..........
:-)

venkkiram

4th August 2011, 10:53 PM

Manmohan Singh - We are sending Indians to the moon next year...
Obama - Oh! How many???
Manmohan Singh - 100...
35 OBC, 25 SC, 20 ST, 10 handicapped, 5 sports quota, 4 minority & if possible....1 astronaut.......

SoftSword

5th August 2011, 02:54 PM

idhaan dark humoura?

PARAMASHIVAN

5th August 2011, 04:08 PM

I saw a sign on a Car window , which says

" Wife and Dog Missing, £1000 reward for finding the dog"

:rotfl2:

NOV

5th August 2011, 05:44 PM

Women Friends chatting in office
Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?
Woman 2: it was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work

Husband 1: How was your evening?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! After all, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!

Moral: Presentation does matter. No matter what the reality is.

Balaji.r

5th August 2011, 06:14 PM

old one nov. puthusa sollunga

Cinemarasigan

5th August 2011, 06:57 PM

Bala (Karthik)

12th August 2011, 05:14 PM

aanaa

12th August 2011, 11:50 PM

Moral: Presentation does matter. No matter what the reality is.

good...............

ajithfederer

13th August 2011, 02:37 AM

:rotfl: .......

Manmohan Singh - We are sending Indians to the moon next year...
Obama - Oh! How many???
Manmohan Singh - 100...
35 OBC, 25 SC, 20 ST, 10 handicapped, 5 sports quota, 4 minority & if possible....1 astronaut.......

venkkiram

14th August 2011, 04:42 PM

மாகி (Maggi) செய்வது எப்படி ?? - முகநூலிலிருந்து...

புதிய முறை :
1) நூடுல்ஸை தண்ணீரில் கலக்கவும்.
2) அடுப்பில் வைக்கவும்.
3) இந்தியாவின் Test 2nd Innings batting ஐ பார்த்துவிட்டு வரவும்.
4) மாகி கிட்டத்தட்ட தயாராகிருக்கும்.

venkkiram

14th August 2011, 04:55 PM

A pastor decided to visit his church members one Saturday. At one house it was clear to the pastor that someone was home, but nobody came to the door. The pastor knocked several times and finally took out his card and wrote on the back:

Revelation 3:20 - "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and dine with him and he with me."

The next day the card showed up in the collection plate. Below the pastors message was another scripture passage.

Genesis 3:10 - "I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked and I hid myself."

NOV

14th August 2011, 04:57 PM

Nurse: How old are you?
Patient: None of your business.
Nurse: But the doctor must know your age for his records.
Patient: Well, first, multiply twenty by two, then add ten. Got that?
Nurse: Yes. Fifty.
Patient: All right, now subtract fifty, and tell me, what do you get?
Nurse: Zero.
Patient: Right. And that's exactly the chance of me telling you my age.

venkkiram

14th August 2011, 04:58 PM

A mother called her son one Sunday morning, to get out of bed and get ready for Church.
He replied "I'm not goin'"
His mother said "Yes you are goin', so get out of that bed."
He replied "Give me ONE good reason why I should go."
She replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons....

1. I'm your mother, and I say you're goin'.
2. You're 40 years old, so old enough to know better.
3. You're the Pastor, so you need to be there.

NOV

14th August 2011, 04:59 PM

A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.

He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.

There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.

He hears a priest come in:

"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".

The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side".

venkkiram

14th August 2011, 05:00 PM

A pastor was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. The group surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked, "What are you boys doing with that dog?"

One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."

Of course the pastor was scandalized. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten-minute sermon against lying beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."

There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the pastor began to think he'd really gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."

NOV

14th August 2011, 05:02 PM

The Mother Superior calls all the nuns together. She then says to them, " I must tell you something very serious. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

A nun in the back responds, "Thank God! I'm so tired of Guiness."

NOV

14th August 2011, 05:06 PM

So you're a senior citizen and the government says no health care for you, what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. Your are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives. Of Course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need! New teeth, no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered. And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes any more.

ksen

14th August 2011, 09:09 PM

ayyO paavam :D idhu pastor seasonaa :lol:

SoftSword

15th August 2011, 04:29 PM

enna orae church vaadai... ramzan maasam?

kugan98

15th August 2011, 07:44 PM

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he had for a long time.

The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest, saying
"Father, the dog is dead. Could you possibly be saying a Mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick told the farmer "No, we can't have services for an
animal in the church, but I'll tell you what, there's a new denomination down the road apiece, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they'll do something for the animal."

Muldoon said "I'll go right now. By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?"

Father Patrick replied "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic."

kugan98

17th August 2011, 12:26 PM

Bank Manager: Ellarum engge bank le loan edunge.... engge bank interest illame loan kuduppom.

Customer: Kudukerathum kudukeringe.. athe santhosema tan kudukelam le... yen interest illame kudukeringe???

================================================== ================

Tadika student 1: nambe teacher cigarette pudicha cancer varum nu sonnangele athu unmaiya da???

Tadika student 2: illeda nambe teacher nambele april fool panraange. cigarette pudicha pugai tan varum...... epdi da cancer varum.....

================================================== ===================

STUDENT: sir parunga en thalaila oru erumbhu yeruthu...
SIR: adha yenda enkitta solra?
STUDENT: neenga thanae sonninga, en mandaila onenumae yerathunu..
================================================== =====================

Teacher: Dear students ellarum future le padichu mudinchu appuram enna panne poringe....?
Students: Book'eh moodi vaikelamnu irukom teacher!

================================================== ==================

MAN 1 : Un paiyan appadiye unne urichi vacci poranthurukan da..
MAN 2 : Nathari.. methuva pesuda.. avan pakkatu vidtu paiyan!

================================================== ======================

Ennathan veedu, vaasal, sottu, bangla, tottam nu rich'ah vaalnthalum TRAIN erena oru naaliku platform'ku vanthu tan agenum!

groucho070

17th August 2011, 12:49 PM

I yam bored. Let me try a homemade joke, a dig on this thread's title.
-------
Dude A: They say an apple a day will keep the doctors away.
Dude B: You kidding me, right?
Dude A: No, it's true. I'm serious.
Dude B: Okay, I'm getting a basket.
Dude A: Ah, anticipating some disease are we?
Dude B: No, my wife is doctor.

Cinemarasigan

17th August 2011, 12:59 PM

SoftSword

17th August 2011, 02:48 PM

groucho070

17th August 2011, 03:05 PM

indha joke'a oru post-it'la ezhudhi mirror'la otti vainga...Nevaire! I like Apple cider. Apple pie. Even the apple between the roasted pork's mouth.

SoftSword

17th August 2011, 03:26 PM

Nevaire! I like Apple cider. Apple pie. Even the apple between the roasted pork's mouth.

cider?? uvve... one thing i cannot drink unless the only drink partner is a gal...

ajithfederer

18th August 2011, 03:20 AM

Thambi Venkiraja's recent fb status

-----------------------------------------

4 out of 5 girls' statuses reads:

aww!! today had loaadsss of fun with nisha,isha, misha & gusha ♥♥...also stay at dundu's house wass awesumm...thnk u shoo muchh dundu :))) u r shoo shweet !! cant frget u guyyysss...:D :D and tuttuu ...will missh u shoo muchh :(( ...hugss. (other blah blahs) ♥♥ !!

followed by (Sachin knows for what) Pinki, Rinki, Minki and 35 others like this and 142 comments!

Copy and spread the message so that we don't have to view shit on our wall everyday !!

ajithfederer

18th August 2011, 03:20 AM

The names Gusha, dundu ....:rotfl: ////////

NOV

26th August 2011, 07:05 PM

You want to know what is REAL tension?
Read on...

A beautiful girl asks lift from you. On the way she faints and you take her to hospital.

Doctor says ‘Congrats. You are going to become a father.’
You get tensed..... but, that is not real tension!

You say that the baby isnt yours.
Girl says – ‘he is the father of my baby.'
You get tensed..... but, that is not real tension!

Police come and DNA test is done. Report comes, which says that you can never become a father.
You get tensed..... but, that is not real tension!

Anyhow you thank God and prepare to return home.
And then it occurs to you, “At home I have 2 kids. Whose are those?
Now this is REAL tension!

NOV

27th August 2011, 09:10 AM

A woman had 3 girls. One day she decides to Test Her Sons-in-law ...!!!...
She invites the first one for a stroll by the lakeshore, purposely falls in and pretends to be drowning. Without any hesitation, the son-in-law jumps in and saves her.
_ The next morning, he finds a brand new Toyota car in his driveway with this message on the windshield :
“ Thank you ! Your mother-in-law who loves you ...!!!...
_ A few days later, the lady does the same thing with the second son-in-law. He jumps in the water and saves her also. She offers him a new Honda car with the same message on the windshield :
Thank you ! Your mother-in-law who loves you ...!!!...
_ A few days later, she does the same thing again with the third son-in-law. While she is drowning, the son-in-law looks at her without moving an inch and thinks : ” Finaly ! It’s about time that this old witch dies ...!!!...
_ The next morning, He Receives a brand new Ferrari car with this message :
" THANK YOU !
Your father-in-law.

joe

7th September 2011, 08:45 AM

Once I was in a bank in cambodia , my client place . The IT manager of the bank , who is great friend of mine was there with me .
On finding a serious problem in logic , I said "Jesus Christ" ..Immediately he asked me seriously "Why Jesus cries?"

app_engine

7th September 2011, 11:37 PM

cider?? uvve... one thing i cannot drink unless the only drink partner is a gal...

You should go to a cider mill and have it along with the hot doughnuts they serve, while listening to the live band playing country music!

WOW!

Each drink should be tasted in its appropriate venue :-) (BTW, please visit IR-SPB thread for a post on this :wink:)

NOV

14th September 2011, 05:36 PM

FOLLOW SEVEN FUNDAMENTALS OF LIFE....... (For a happier life)

1. Money is not everything. There's also Mastercard & Visa.

2. One should love animals.They are tasty too.

3. Save water. Drink beer.

4. Studying is healthy, So leave it for the sick.

5. Books are holy. So don't touch them.

6. Love your neighbour but never get caught.

and the last but not the least ...,
7. Everyone should marry because happiness is not the only thing in life.

sipi

14th September 2011, 05:40 PM

7. Everyone should marry because happiness is not the only thing in life.

Good one...

aanaa

12th November 2011, 11:56 PM

கணவன்: செத்துட்டா சொர்க்கத்துல husband & wife தனியாத்தான் இருக்கணுமாம்ல
..............

மனைவி: அதனாலதான் அது சொர்க்கம் ...........!

..................................

"எதுக்குய்யா உன் மனைவியைத் தூக்கி வீட்டுக்கு வெளியே எறிந்தாய்?"

"ஒரு மகான்தான் கவலையைத் தூக்கி எறி வாழ்க்கையில் முன்னேறலாம்னு சொன்னார்."

NOV

7th February 2012, 07:21 AM

Husband texts to wife on cell..
"Hi,what r u doing Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."

NOV

7th February 2012, 07:22 AM

Boyfriend : Babe, What are You Doing?
Girlfriend : Nothing Much! Really Tired Just going to sleep now Honey. what about you Sweetheart?
.
.
.
.
Boyfriend : In The Club Standing Behind You :P

NOV

7th March 2012, 10:09 AM

Judge: How can you prove you were not speeding your car?

Man: Sir, I was on the way to bring back my Wife from her mother's home!

Judge: That's all, case dismissed.

Querida

4th April 2012, 09:09 AM

At a wedding reception.....

Someone yelled...

"Would all the married men,

please stand next to the one person

who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost

crushed to death.

NOV

24th April 2012, 07:40 AM

Dad: How was your exam results?
Son: Sorry appa, I failed.
Dad: Don't call me Appa any more!
Son: Come on Appa, it was just a school test, not a DNA test!

I say this generation rocks!
courtesy: Vidhya Rajan

ajithfederer

24th April 2012, 09:29 AM

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/576648_434245973271528_205344452828349_1547098_175 5603475_n.jpg

ajithfederer

5th May 2012, 04:33 PM

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/545612_444226145606844_205344452828349_100665142_1 846377513_n.jpg

kugan98

5th May 2012, 07:33 PM

Received a forward from a friend.

This is a story about farting . . .
... and about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning, when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife, and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning, she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it, and that it was perfectly natural. She tole him to see a doctor. She was concerned that one day, he would blow his guts out.
The years went by, and he continued to rip them out. The, one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner, and he was upstairs sound asleep - she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs, where her husband was sound asleep, and gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his pjs, and emptied in the bowl of turkey guts.
Some time later, she heard her husband awaken with his usual trumpeting - which was followed by a blood-curdling scream, and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself, as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture, she reckoned, she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood-stained pjs, with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, " Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me, and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked the wife.
"Well, you always tole me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today, it finally happened.

"But, by the grace of God, with some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.

aanaa

5th May 2012, 09:39 PM

:rotfl:

ajithfederer

22nd May 2012, 10:17 AM

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/522760_439677529395039_205344452828349_1559957_131 6412065_n.jpg

aanaa

25th May 2012, 11:32 PM

http://img339.imageshack.us/img339/3070/69881108.jpg

aanaa

31st May 2012, 07:35 PM

http://img846.imageshack.us/img846/2339/32487762.jpg

kugan98

14th June 2012, 05:34 PM

Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in a Indian restaurant in New
York . Sid asked Al, 'Are there any Jewish people of our faith born
and raised in India ?'

Al replied, 'I don't know, let's just ask our waiter.'

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, 'Are there any Indian Jews?'

The waiter said, 'I wont be knowing, but I will ask the Chef .After
he returned from the kitchen a few minutes later and said, 'No sir,
no Indian Jews.'

Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, 'Are you absolutely sure?'

The waiter, realizing he was dealing with 'foreigners' gave the
expected answer, 'I check again,' and went back into the kitchen.

While the waiter was away in the kitchen, Sid said, 'I find it hard to
believe that there are no Jews in India . Our people are scattered
everywhere.'

The waiter returned and said, 'The Chef and the Captain my boss and
they all say there is no Indian Jews.'

'Are you certain?' Al asked once again, 'I just can't believe there
are no Indian Jews!'

Listen you Mutal (means 'stupid' in Tamil!) Idiots , I asked EVERYONE,' replied the frustrated waiter.
'All we have is Mango Juice, Pineapple Juice, Orange Juice, Coconut Jews
& Tomato Juice! - No Indian Juice
__._,_.___

NOV

11th July 2012, 08:08 AM

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/555549_411122855592269_291873248_n.jpg

aanaa

12th July 2012, 06:03 PM

:rotfl: :rotfl:

NOV

2nd August 2012, 08:21 PM

https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/557363_330116950408958_219830531_n.jpg

A man & a woman who never met before, find themselves on upper & lower berth of a long distance train.
At 2 am, Man leans over saying,"Ma'm, sorry to bother you, Would you be kind enough to give me a 2nd blanket from the side table. Its awfully cold.
"I have a better idea",she replied,"Just for tonight, why don't we pretend that we are married !!
"Great idea Madam.". He replied in excitement.
She says,"Well then Get up & take it yourself."

inazerowmo

24th August 2012, 01:35 PM

:rotfl:

groucho070

24th August 2012, 02:15 PM

From Santhanam Sivaji's FB post (got the proper version):

An Indian chief and his son are sitting down one day, and the son asks: “Dad, how do us Indians get our names?”

“It’s very simple,” replies the chief, “your brother was born by a river, so we call him Running Brook. Your other brother was born in the early morning, so we call him Rising Sun.”

“So, why do you ask, Broken Rubber?”

NOV

23rd September 2012, 07:56 AM

http://sphotos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/47135_444882275562538_1696515818_n.jpg

NOV

24th September 2012, 09:22 AM

It was a hot afternoon and so, the young girl at the bus stop used her dupatta to cover her head and face.
A boy on a bike came by and asked, "hey babe, do you want a lift?"
To which the girl replied, "dei annaa, its me daa!"

NOV

25th September 2012, 06:09 PM

http://sphotos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/601605_4021643412610_1355798339_n.jpg

cokepepsi

28th September 2012, 12:53 PM

NOV

29th September 2012, 07:49 AM

enjoy....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xDuWLOuVf8&feature=player_embedded

NOV

8th October 2012, 06:58 AM

http://sphotos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/253146_477476068949568_29978428_n.jpg

inazerowmo

8th October 2012, 10:04 AM

http://sphotos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/253146_477476068949568_29978428_n.jpg
:roll:

iqojoxifidoc

21st November 2012, 10:44 AM

Better to be a Lion in India rather than....

In a poor zoo of India , a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day. The lion thought its prayers were answered when one US Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the US Zoo.

The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment, a goat or two every day and a US Green Card also. On its first day after arrival,the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast.

The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few bananas. Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India .

The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered.

The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him, 'Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management?, what nonsense is this?, why are you delivering bananas to me?'

The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but .. Did you know that you have been brought here on a monkey's visa !!!!!'

Moral of Story : See the title of the joke

SoftSword

21st November 2012, 04:03 PM

cokepepsi

24th November 2012, 10:50 AM

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving andsays,"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call...your sister in Chicago and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts,"I'll take care of this,"

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says,"they're coming for Thanksgiving andpaying their own way."

mabiqukaumo

25th November 2012, 11:08 AM

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=493575007331761

NOV

12th February 2013, 08:08 AM

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.

One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus.

Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.

The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.

He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot.

Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also, to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus.

This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his
injuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment.

The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.

This time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!

The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died instantly the third time??

Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle once again.

Still couldn't? Then see below.........

Think hard

C'mon .............

Tired....?

Wanna know the answer????

Ok........ here is the Answer.........*...

During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But during the third time, he was a good conductor, so electricity passed through him freely and he died !!!!

Don't curse me!! I am also looking for the guy who sent me this... and for the Banana Peel, someone must have removed it by now, don't bother.

aanaa

15th February 2013, 08:44 AM

, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But during the third time, he was a good conductor, so electricity passed through him freely and he died !!!!

.:rotfl::rotfl:

ajithfederer

12th April 2013, 09:38 PM

https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/625440_10151392236466840_510447510_n.jpg

NOV

23rd April 2013, 07:54 AM

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to Johor Bahru together!
Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife

************************************************** ********* ********************************

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating chicken seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lottery for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Switzerland.

But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!

NOV

25th April 2013, 07:54 AM

http://www.olaalaa.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/funny-girlfriend-boyfriend-jokes.jpg

NOV

25th April 2013, 08:28 AM

http://sphotos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/529521_4844121186275_132626586_n.jpg

NOV

27th April 2013, 08:02 AM

GIRL: Hello
BOY: My love how are you doing?
GIRL: I'm fine.
BOY: Will you be free this weekend? Can you come to my house?
GIRL: I'm so sorry I can't make it because I will be attending my aunty's wedding and the next day I'll be busy, I'm so I guess I'm occupied.
BOY: Ooh ok, was just planning to take you out for shopping, surprise you with an iPhone 5, then buy you a new dress and the Brazilian hair you've been asking for...
GIRL: I will be coming and may even spend the whole weekend there if you want my love.
BOY: What about the wedding?
GIRL: which wedding, i was joking...
BOY: Really? Me too...

NOV

27th April 2013, 08:27 AM

One day a father called his 6 children together and asked,
“Now tell me, who has been most obedient during last week and did everything mother asked?”
In one voice they all replied, “You, Daddy!”

NOV

29th April 2013, 08:15 AM

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.

She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”

NOV

30th April 2013, 07:19 AM

A family took a trip to Disney World. After three exhausting days, they headed home. As they drove away, the son waved and said, “Goodbye, Mickey.”

The daughter waved and said, “Goodbye, Minnie.”

The husband waved, rather weakly, and said, “Goodbye, Money.”

NOV

30th April 2013, 08:21 AM

Radhika is the world’s worst at getting instructions mixed up. When she got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it.

Salesman Ravi carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go back to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready.

A few weeks later Radhika was back in the store and Ravi asked her how she liked the coffee maker.

“Wonderful!” she replied, “However, there’s one thing I don’t understand. Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make coffee?”

NOV

3rd May 2013, 07:23 AM

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”

NOV

7th May 2013, 07:39 AM

During a visit to a mental hospital, a visitor asks the director how he determines whether a patient should be admitted.

“Well,” said the director, “we fill a bathtub with water and then provide a spoon, a cup and a bucket and ask him to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor, “A normal person would use the bucket right?”

“No,” said the director. “A normal person would just pull the plug. Now do you want a bed near the window or the door?”

NOV

8th May 2013, 09:15 AM

With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65 year-old woman gave birth to a baby. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit. "May we see the new baby?" one asked.

"Not yet," said the 65 year-old mother, "Soon."

Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"

"Not yet," said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?"

"No," replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when CAN we see the baby?"

"WHEN IT CRIES," she told them.

"WHEN IT CRIES?" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until it CRIES?"..

BECAUSE, I forgot where I put it..."

aanaa

8th May 2013, 06:28 PM

BECAUSE, I forgot where I put it..."
:) .............

NOV

10th May 2013, 08:36 AM

A little boy went up to his father and asked:"Dad, where did my intelligence come from?"

The father replied: "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother!"

"Wow," said the mother, "how did you come to that conclusion?"

The father replied: "Well, I still have mine."

NOV

13th May 2013, 06:57 AM

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?

Put 100 bricks in no particular order in a room with an open window. Then send the candidates to the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after a few hours to analyze the situation.

1. If they are counting the bricks, place them in the accounts department.

2. If they are recounting them, place them in auditing

3. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in engineering.

4. If they are arranging the bricks in some order, put them in planning.

5. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in operations

6. If they are sleeping, put them in security.

7. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in information technology.

8. f they are sitting idle, put them in human resources.

9. If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in sales.

10. If they have already left for the day, put them in marketing.

11. If they are staring out of the window, put them on strategic planning.

12. And then last but not least, if they are talking to each other and not a single brick brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in top management.

NOV

13th May 2013, 07:20 AM

There was this robbery in Guangzhou , the robber shouted to everyone: "All don't move, money belongs to the state, life belongs to you".

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly.

This is called "Mind Changing Concept --> Changing the conventional way of thinking".
-------------------------------------------------
One lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her "Please be civilised! This is a robbery and not a rape!"

This is called "Being Professional --> Focus only on what you are trained to do!"
-------------------------------------------------
When the robbers got back, the younger robber (MBA trained) told the older robber (who is only primary school educated), "Big bro, let's count how much we got", the older robber rebutted and said, "You very stupid, so much money, how to count, tonight TV will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!"

This is called "Experience --> nowadays experience is more important than paper qualifications!"
-------------------------------------------------

After the robbers left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. The supervisor says "Wait, wait wait, let's put the 5 million RMB we embezzled into the amount the robbers robbed".

This is called "Swim with the tide --> converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!"
-------------------------------------------------

The supervisor says "It will be good if there is a robbery every month".

This is called "Killing Boredom --> Happiness is most important."
-------------------------------------------------

The next day, TV news reported that 100 million RMB was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count 20 million RMB. The robbers were very angry and complained "We risked our lives and only took 20 million RMB, the bank manager took 80 million RMB with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated to be a thief!"

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold !"
-------------------------------------------------

The bank manager was smiling and happy because his loss in the CINOPEC shares are now covered by this robbery.

This is called "Seizing the opportunity --> daring to take risks!"

NOV

13th May 2013, 08:25 AM

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.

"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

NOV

13th May 2013, 09:59 AM

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.

"Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband explained.

"She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts." He continued, "She communicates well and I act like I'm listening."

NOV

14th May 2013, 06:55 AM

"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.

"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically,"remarked his friend.

"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."

NOV

15th May 2013, 07:37 AM

What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?...-.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."

NOV

16th May 2013, 08:04 AM

A wealthy man sat in his attorney's office."Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked.

"Give me the bad news first."

"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."

"That's the bad news?" the man asked incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news."

"It's of you and your mistress."

NOV

17th May 2013, 07:33 AM

A young man excitedly tells his mother that he has fallen in love and wants to get married. "Just for fun Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one is the woman I'm going to marry."

The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women to the house and seats them on the couch.

He turns to his mother and asks,"Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The woman in red saree in the middle."

"That's amazing Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

"I don't like her."

NOV

20th May 2013, 06:23 AM

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks,"I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."

Well, you can imagine her disappointment.The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.

She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"

He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"

NOV

20th May 2013, 07:41 AM

On his way out of the local temple, Guna stopped at the door to speak to the priest.
"Would it be right," he asked, "for a person to profit from the mistakes of another?"

"Absolutely not!" replied the temple priest.

"In that case," said the young man, "I wonder if you'd consider returning the thousand dollars I paid you to marry my wife and me last July."

NOV

21st May 2013, 07:27 AM

"I was in a very generous mood today," a woman says to her friend.
"I gave a poor beggar Rs100."

"That's a lot of money to give away," says her friend. "What did your husband say?"

"He said, 'Thank you'. "

NOV

21st May 2013, 09:44 AM

My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday.

How is she now ?

She's fine. But, the dog died.

NOV

22nd May 2013, 07:05 AM

A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?"

The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you."

The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."

NOV

22nd May 2013, 07:57 AM

"Get this." said the bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house.

"Did he get anything." his mates asked.

"Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."

NOV

22nd May 2013, 08:39 AM

I was chatting with this person who was blabbering all about herself, her hobbies, her likes/dislikes, her pets, her parents, her work, her car, her hairstyle, her make-up and on and on.

Finally she said, "Ok, enough of me."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

And then she said, "Tell me.... what do you like about me."

NOV

23rd May 2013, 07:32 AM

Twenty men die and go to heaven.

When they arrive they are told to seperate into two lines. One for all the husbands that are under their wives control and they other for those that control their wives.

After the men separate, one of the angels notices that there are 19 men in the first line and only one in the second. The angel walks up to the man and asks why he was so sure of his independence.

"That's easy," said the fellow, "My wife told me to stand here!"

NOV

23rd May 2013, 09:58 AM

An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession:

Man: Father, I am 60 years old. I have been married for 35 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with a 22 year old.

Father: When was the last time you made a confession?

Man: I never have, I am Hindu.

Father: Then why are telling me all this?

Man: I am telling everybody

NOV

27th May 2013, 07:25 AM

A man and wife entered a dentist's office.

The Wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."

You're a brave woman said the dentist. Now, show me which tooth it is."

The wife turns to her husband and says "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."

NOV

28th May 2013, 07:04 AM

At the criminal court, the public prosecutor was cross-examining the recently bereaved widow.

"What happened when your husband woke up that fateful morning?"

"He said: Where am I Radha?"

"And why did that upset you?"

"Because my name is Priya."

NOV

28th May 2013, 09:07 AM

As tourists in Dubai, a man and his wife were sitting outside a souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab approached them and asked where they were from.

"Malaysia," the husband replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded. "She cannot be from Malaysia."

"Yes I am." said the wife.

He looked at her and asked. "Is he your husband?"

"Yes." she replied.

Turning to the husband, he offered..... "I'll give you 100 camels for her."

The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, "She is not for sale."

After the Arab left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels on board Air Asia."

NOV

29th May 2013, 06:55 AM

Kumar stood up in court. "As God is my judge, I do not owe my ex-wife any money."

Glaring down at him, the judge replied, "He's not. I am. You do."

NOV

30th May 2013, 07:49 AM

A few days ago I was walking through Chinatown. I was fascinated with all the Chinese Restaurants, the Chinese shops, the Chinese signs and banners on the buildings. Then I turned a corner and saw a building with a sign "Muthu Karuppusami Coffee Shop".

Muthu Karuppusami ? I was wondering how in the world it fit in there? So, I walked into the shop and saw an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. I asked him "How in the world did this place get a name like Muthu Karuppusami Coffee Shop?".

The old man answered "Is name of owner."

I asked "Well, who in the heck is the owner?".

"I am he", answered the old man.

"You? How did you ever get a name like Muthu Karuppusami?"

The old man replied, "Many years ago when I come to this country, I was standing in line at the Immigration. The man in front of me was an Indian. The immigration lady looked at him and asked him "What is your name? He replied Muthu Karuppusami.

Next she looked at me and asked, "What is your name?"

I replied. "Sam Ting"

NOV

31st May 2013, 06:59 AM

Once upon a time when a Blonde was hard up for money, she decided to kidnap a child.

So the next day she goes to a nearby playground and when nobody is looking, she pulls a random kid behind a tree and says, "You're kidnapped, so be quiet and don't give me any trouble."

The little boy, too startled to do anything stands there in shock. The Blonde then pulls out a note that reads: I am a desperate Blonde hard up for money. I have kidnapped your kid and if you ever want to see him again you arrange for 5,000 dollars in non-sequencial, unmarked bills to be put next to this tree by 12:00 tonight, or else....

She hands the note to the kid and tells him to give it to his mother.

The next day the Blonde finds the bag of money next to the tree. Inside the bag is a little note that reads: Here is the money. How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?

NOV

2nd June 2013, 08:30 AM

Parents to a college watchman: Is this college good...?'

Watchman: Probably the best because I did my graduation here & got immediate placement..

NOV

3rd June 2013, 06:27 AM

As you may already know, THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice,has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human genepool.

And now, for this year's illustrious winner(s):.. drum roll...

JohnPernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington,decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Gorge,Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them) they sat in the parking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easy enough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show.The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for John--100 pounds heavier than Sal--to hop over, and then assist his friend over the fence. Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large branch which snagged him by his shorts.

Dangling from the tree, with one arm broken, John looked down and saw a group of bushes below him. Figuring the bushes would break his fall, John removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. When finally free, John crashed below into Hollybushes. The sharp leaves scratched his entire body and now being without his shorts, he was the unwilling victim of a holly branch penetrating his rectal cavity.

To make matters worse, his pocketknife proceeded to fall with him and landed three inches into his left thigh.Seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, Sal decided to throw him a rope and pull him to safety. However, weighing about 100 pounds less, he decided the best course of action would be to tie the rope to the pickup truck. This is when things went from bad to worse.

In his drunken state, Sal put the truck into the wrong gear, pressed on the gas, and crashed through the fence, landing on and killing his friend. Sal was thrown from the truck, suffered massive internal injuries and also died at the scene.

Police arrived to find a pickup truck with its driver thrown 100 feet from the vehicle and upon moving the truck, a half naked man, with numerous scratches, a holly stick up his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and a pair of shorts dangling from the tree branches 25 feet in the air.

NOV

3rd June 2013, 07:56 AM

A business man got on an elevator in a building.
When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F"? (letters only).
He smiled at her and replied,"S-H-I-T" (letters only)."
She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.
He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."
The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly "T-G-I-F" another time.
The man smiled "S-H-I-T."
The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said,"T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?"
The man answered, "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

NOV

4th June 2013, 09:19 AM

While visiting my son's school, the Chairman of the Parents Teachers Association became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making in the next room.

Angrily, he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and stood him in the corner.

A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded, “Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?”

NOV

4th June 2013, 09:20 AM

NOV

6th June 2013, 08:07 AM

A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE:

“Doctor, I have an ear ache.”

2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.”

1000 B.C. – “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”

1850 A.D. – “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.”

1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”

1985 A.D. – “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”

2000 A.D. – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”

NOV

7th June 2013, 09:33 AM

I met an old friend after a long time. After getting updated about each other, he claimed that he had the most perfect son....

I: Does he smoke?

He: No, he doesn’t.

I: Does he drink?

He: No, he doesn’t.

I: Does he ever come home late?

He: No, he doesn’t.

I: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?

He: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

NOV

9th June 2013, 07:20 AM

A few of us entered the lift and there was this woman who pressed 1 and 4 but did not get off either floor. When asked, she said she wanted to go to the 14th floor.
:sigh2:

Today a friend called and asked me for my telephone number.
:sigh2:

NOV

10th June 2013, 07:24 AM

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, “What is wrong with you?”

Adam said, “Lord, I don’t have anyone to talk to.”

God said, “Then I will give you a companion, and she will be called a ‘woman’. This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give ‘love’ and compassion whenever needed. She will never question your behaviour or the company you keep. She will support you and understand that you have important decisions to make throughout your life and don’t have time for nonsense…”

Adam asked God, “What will this woman cost?”

God said, “An arm and a leg…”

Adam said, “What can I get for just a rib?”

NOV

12th June 2013, 07:47 AM

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs.
Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs.

NOV

13th June 2013, 07:49 AM

Grandpa: "Go hide. Your teacher is here because you skipped school today!"

Boy: "No you go hide. I told her you were dead!"

NOV

14th June 2013, 06:35 AM

Boy: ( calls 911 ) hello I need your help!

911: What is it?

Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!

911: -.- So whats the problem with that?

Boy: The ugly one is winning.

NOV

17th June 2013, 06:59 AM

Things I never learned in School:
1) how to do taxes

2) anything to do with banking

3) how to do loans for college

4) how to buy a car / house

5) how to jump start a car

but I'm so glad I know the Pythagorean Theorem.

NOV

17th June 2013, 07:09 AM

Cute girl: How much is this bag?

Salesguy: Just three kisses

Cute girl: How much is that bag?

Salesguy: Eight kisses

Cute girl: OK, I will take both. Dad will pay.

Salesguy: Oh shoot

NOV

18th June 2013, 06:36 AM

http://sphotos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/983779_513889788648514_729783309_n.jpg

NOV

18th June 2013, 08:25 AM

Everyones keeps teasing me about being so damn lazy. I just can't do this anymore. I think I'm just going to kill myself.
But the gun is like... way over there.

NOV

19th June 2013, 08:29 AM

I got some Chinese symbols tattooed on my arm that reads, "I don't know, I don't speak Chinese".

So when someone asks what it says...

NOV

21st June 2013, 07:16 AM

Ever want to say "I don't know" without sounding stupid?

Say this:
I hesitate to articulate in fear I may deviate upon the highest degree of accuracy.

NOV

21st June 2013, 08:40 AM

Hubby: What do you want for your 40th birthday?

Wifey: Nothing will make me happier than a diamond ring

And since, he wanted her to be happy, he got her nothing.

p/s: visiting hours at the hospital he has been admitted to is from 5pm to 8pm.

NOV

24th June 2013, 07:11 AM

Q: Is google a boy or girl?

A: Obviously a girl because it wont let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas

NOV

25th June 2013, 07:04 AM

Boy: Hi. :D

Girl: I have a boyfriend. :roll:

Boy: I said hi, not give me a kiss. :twisted:

NOV

25th June 2013, 08:48 AM

I was in in the public restroom
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall:
"Hi, how are you?"
Me: (embarrassed) "Doin' fine!"
Stall: "So what are you up to?"
Me: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here."
Stall: "Can I come over?"
Me: (attitude) "No, I'm a little busy right now!!"
Stall: "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!

NOV

26th June 2013, 06:53 AM

Police: where do you live?
Boy: with my parents
Police: where do your parents live?
Boy: with me
Police: where do you all live?
Boy: together
Police: where is your house?
Boy: next to my neighbors house
Police: where is your neighbors house?
Boy: if I tell you you wont believe me.
Police: tell me
Boy: next to my house

NOV

27th June 2013, 10:08 AM

The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss.

Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use home phone, I use my work phone.

Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone

Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone.

All of them shocked and together look at the maid who's patiently listening to them.

Maid: "What? So we all use our work phone. What's the Big deal??!"

NOV

28th June 2013, 07:48 AM

http://sphotos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/q71/1004730_617090928325577_196640007_n.jpg

NOV

29th June 2013, 08:00 AM

http://sphotos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/q71/s720x720/1044714_611433585557628_928010625_n.jpg

NOV

1st July 2013, 06:28 AM

My wife hasn't stopped looking through the window since it started raining.

If it gets any worse, I might have to let her back in.

NOV

1st July 2013, 07:19 AM

I told my dad to embrace his mistakes.

He cried.

Then he hugged my sister & me.

NOV

1st July 2013, 09:33 AM

Did you hear about the guy who was brought in to the hospital, badly beaten up?

It was his birthday, and his wife had bought him an iPhone 5.

Apparently he had told his wife that he was happy because the phone had panorama view and he could finally take her picture....

NOV

2nd July 2013, 06:56 AM

I don't always get asked out on a date.
But when I do... It's on April 1st.

NOV

3rd July 2013, 07:01 AM

Waitress: Have i kept you waiting long?

Customer: No, but did you know there are 3,296 squares on the ceiling?

NOV

4th July 2013, 07:42 AM

Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."

Patient: "Go with the good news first."

Doctor: "You have 24 hours to live."

Patient: "What?! How about the bad news?"

Doctor: Um... I forgot to tell you yesterday."

NOV

6th July 2013, 07:20 AM

A Tamil lawyer defending a man in New York accused of burglary tried this creative defence:

"My client, Kesevan, merely inserted his arm into the window and removed the wallet. His arm is not his total self, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb."

"Well put," the Judge replied.
"Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's Arm to 5 year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant, Kesevan, smiled.

With his Lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out. ...

Don’t mess with a Tamil!

Bipolar

6th July 2013, 11:19 PM

"Highbrow jokes (http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/how-many-surrealists-does-it-take-to-screw-in-a-light-bulb-a-fish-the-most-highbrow-jokes-in-the-world-8691191.html)" (from "The Independent (http://www.independent.co.uk)")...

1. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m travelling light.”

2. “Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?”

3. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

4. A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d like a beer.” The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?” “Yes,” replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.”

5. An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over. The policeman says: “Sir, do you realise you were travelling at 130km per hour?” The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost.”

6. Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up and shouts: “Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!”

7. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.

8. There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary, and those that don’t.

9. When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg.

10. The barman says: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here.” A tachyon enters a bar.

11. A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says: “Make me one with everything”.

12. What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.

13. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down the street together. A juggler is performing on the street but there are so many people that the four men can’t see the juggler. So the juggler goes on top of a platform and asks: “Can you see me now?” The four men answer: “Yes.” “Oui.” “Si.” “Ja.”

14. Never trust an atom. They make up everything.

15. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it’s a hardware problem.

16. A student travelling on a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited, he asks: “Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?”

17. Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a technicality.

18. Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says: “Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it’s funny or not?” Gödel replies: “We can’t know that because we’re inside the joke.” Chomsky says: “Of course it’s funny. You’re just telling it wrong.”

19. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: “Five beers, please.”

20. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.

21. An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender says: “What’ll it be, boys?” The first mathematician: “I’ll have one half of a beer.” The second mathematician: “I’ll have one quarter of a beer.” The third mathematician: “I’ll have one eight of a beer.” The fourth mathematician: “I’ll have one sixteenth of a…” The bartender interrupts: “Know your limits, boys” as he pours out a single beer.

22. What does the “B” in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Answer: Benoit B Mandelbrot.

23. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress: “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies: “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”

24. A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”

25. A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

yoyisohuni

8th July 2013, 02:19 PM

நல்ல தொகுப்பு :D
நெரைய நேரம் எல்லா ஹுயூமர்க்கும் ப்ரொக்ராமெர்ஸ் மாட்னாங்க :lol:

NOV

11th July 2013, 07:37 AM

Mom: "I heard you failed your English exam?"

He: Who telled you?

NOV

12th July 2013, 07:54 AM

Dear Pancakes,
Do you have little compartments for syrup? No? I didn't think so.
Sincerely, Waffles.

NOV

15th July 2013, 07:40 AM

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think its cute.
I just think it's crazy how many people bring knives on a date.

NOV

16th July 2013, 06:43 AM

Husband (watching a video): Don't do it! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don't say yes.
No! No! NOOO!! Aw dang, he actually did it! What a dumb ass!

Wife: Honey, why you so mad? What are you watching?

Husband: Our wedding ceremony.

NOV

17th July 2013, 07:37 AM

Me: I bet you 100 bucks, you can't say the alphabet faster than me.

Friend: challenge accepted! A B C D E F G H I....

Me: the alphabet

NOV

18th July 2013, 08:05 AM

Coach: Okay class, today we are going to play a game. When I say a fruit, you run to the right side of the court. And when I say a color, you run to the left side of the court. got it?

Class: Got it.

Coach: Okay... Ready, set... ORANGE!

NOV

19th July 2013, 08:24 AM

Did you hear about the guy whose who met with an accident and had his left hand and leg amputated?
He's all right now.

NOV

20th July 2013, 08:32 AM

2 boys were talking and one said to the other, "There is a easy way to earn money..

The other boy said, "How?" the boy replied, "Tell people you know their secret."

The boy jumps up to his dad, "I know your secret!" dad replies,

"Please don't tell your mom heres $10."

The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!"mom said,

"Please don't tell your dad here's $15."

The boy then tries it on the mail man, "I know your secret!" The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"

inazerowmo

23rd July 2013, 09:11 PM

Mom: "I heard you failed your English exam?"

He: Who telled you?

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

NOV

24th July 2013, 09:06 AM

They say milk gives you strength. Drink 10 glasses of milk and try to move a wall. You cant.

Drink 10 shots of Vodka and it moves by itself.

NOV

24th July 2013, 05:07 PM

http://sphotos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/q71/s720x720/1011375_631041510247661_1009198560_n.jpg

NOV

25th July 2013, 08:13 AM

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You Moron!"

The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You Cheat!"

The judge stops and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"

The guy in the back of the court stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honor, but for fifteen years, I've lived next door to that idiot, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."

NOV

26th July 2013, 08:44 AM

boy whispers to his mom during a wedding*
boy: "Mommy?"
mom: "What?"
boy: "Why is the girl dressed in white?"
mom: "Because this is the happiest day of her life."
boy: "... so why is the boy dressed in black?"

NOV

29th July 2013, 08:03 AM

Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket.
Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.

NOV

30th July 2013, 06:58 PM

A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."

Wife: honey.....you say prayer before eating at home.

Husband: that's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows how to cook!!

NOV

1st August 2013, 08:18 AM

A man calls 911

Man: Hello? I need your help!

911: Alright, What is it?

Man: Two girls are fighting over me!

911: So what's your emergency?

Man: The ugly one is winning.

NOV

2nd August 2013, 06:39 AM

Husband (watching a video):

Don't do it! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don't say yes. No! No! NOOO!! Aw dang, he actually did it! What a dumb ass!

Wife: Honey, why you so mad? What'aya watching?

Husband: Our wedding ceremony.

NOV

3rd August 2013, 09:21 AM

Met an old friend after a long time and asked him, "so, who are you working for now?"

"The same people," he answered, "for my wife and two kids."

NOV

4th August 2013, 07:12 AM

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/q71/971189_614980181879729_54317340_n.jpg

NOV

6th August 2013, 06:34 AM

I am washing car

Neighbor: You washing your car?

Me: No. I'm watering it to see if it grows into a bus...

NOV

7th August 2013, 07:28 AM

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.

NOV

13th August 2013, 06:28 AM

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day.

“In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”

A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

NOV

14th August 2013, 07:35 AM

On vacation my nine-year-old son and I were at the pool, where two attractive young women wearing bikinis were sunning themselves. I noticed that my son kept staring at them, but he would occasionally glance back at me.

When they got up to leave, my son watched them particularly closely. I was bracing myself for questions he might have when he turned to me and whispered, "Dad, can I take that candy bar those girls left behind?"

NOV

15th August 2013, 07:35 AM

I was playing chess with my friend, and he said, “Let’s make this more interesting.”
So we stopped playing chess.

NOV

16th August 2013, 06:28 AM

The dogs next door get a little noisy, so one day somebody called animal control to complain.

When the officers arrived, I heard my neighbor tell them, "Hey, dogs bark. It’s human nature."

NOV

19th August 2013, 06:59 AM

My friend was working at an amusement park when a couple stopped him. “Excuse me,” said the woman, pointing to a pond. “What is that water made out of?”

Bemused, my friend replied, “Two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen.”

“See?” she said to her boyfriend. “I told you it wasn’t real.”

NOV

20th August 2013, 08:17 AM

Sometimes men don’t date women for their IQs. Here are some examples:

Today, my girlfriend asked me if my grandmother had any kids.

My girlfriend and I went out to dinner. We were going to get there 30 minutes early, so I told her to call to see if they could bump us up. The reservation was under my name. After being with me for a year, she didn’t know how to say my last name.

It took my girlfriend almost a full season of The Office to realize it wasn’t a reality show.

NOV

21st August 2013, 08:38 AM

Aged Mr. Cobra went to see an optician complaining about not being able to see well. The doctor prescribed the snake a pair of spectacles. Mr. Cobra was delighted!

A few days later the optician met a very depressed Mr. Cobra . "What's wrong? Anything wrong with my prescription?"

"No doctor. I just realised that I have been living with a podalangai (snake gourd) for the last couple of years."

NOV

22nd August 2013, 08:27 AM

I answered a 911 call at our emergency dispatch center from a woman who said her water broke.

"Stay calm," I advised. "Now, how far apart are your contractions?"

"No contractions," she said breathlessly. "But my kitchen is flooding fast."

NOV

23rd August 2013, 10:14 AM

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/q71/1150831_10151608282418564_1487854565_n.jpg

NOV

26th August 2013, 07:34 AM

When my friend spotted a blind man and his guide dog at a crosswalk, she stopped her car and waved them on.

"Uh, Jothi," I said, "he can’t see you."

"I know that," she said indignantly. "I’m waving the dog on."

NOV

27th August 2013, 07:40 AM

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of chips.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the Staff passed out.

NOV

28th August 2013, 07:24 AM

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

NOV

29th August 2013, 07:03 AM

"What a pleasant surprise.. You came home early" Wife speaks so gladly.

I was forced to do it. I have to obey what my boss told me to do. He ordered: "GO TO HELL"

NOV

31st August 2013, 06:51 AM

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/q71/1170694_10151788029574277_992816049_n.jpg

NOV

2nd September 2013, 07:09 AM

Teacher: Where the hell is your math homework?
Me: It committed suicide, had too many problems.

NOV

2nd September 2013, 04:45 PM

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/q71/1170782_492435820843736_1833417497_n.jpg

NOV

4th September 2013, 07:53 AM

A father of a teenage daughter was annoyed as his daughter was spending all the time on the house phone, depriving the other family members from using the phone. So, he had a new telephone line installed just for her.

Two days later, he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch, chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser.

"Why are you using the family telephone," he yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?"

"I can't," she said, "I'm expecting an important call on my phone."

NOV

5th September 2013, 06:48 AM

A teenagers' Facebook update:
"Internet was not working last night, spent time with family....they seem to be nice people..

NOV

6th September 2013, 07:59 AM

Once a woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" she said.

"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear mommy say," the woman answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?".

NOV

9th September 2013, 06:54 AM

Teacher: Where the hell is your math homework?

Me: It committed suicide, had too many problems.

NOV

10th September 2013, 06:37 AM

Two men went to a pub and after ordering two beers, took some samosas out of their pockets and started to eat them.

"You can’t eat your own samosas in here," complained the pub owner.

So the two men swapped their samosas.

NOV

10th September 2013, 08:42 AM

A robber comes into the store & steals a TV.

The saleswoman runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

NOV

11th September 2013, 07:24 AM

Are you afraid of dying alone? Become a bus driver.

NOV

12th September 2013, 07:12 AM

Bill Gates once called his bank, "My cheque was returned with a remark: "Insufficient funds". I'd like to know whether it refers to mine or the bank?"

NOV

13th September 2013, 07:12 AM

An elderly man remembers the good old days: “when I was young, my mom could send me to a shop with a single dollar, and I would bring back 5 bags of potatoes, 2 breads, a bottle of milk, a piece of cheese and 10 eggs. Nowadays that’s impossible – there are simply to many security cameras.

NOV

17th September 2013, 07:13 AM

Latest marriage pronouncement:
I now pronounce you husband and wife - you may change your Facebook statuses.

NOV

18th September 2013, 07:00 AM

Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant a lot has changed... My name, mobile phone number, living address, etc.

NOV

19th September 2013, 07:00 AM

A French monk wrote a manifesto stating that every woman would agree to sell her body for money. The manifesto was read by the Queen of France and she invited the monk for a chat.
- So, you're stating that every women would agree to sell herself?
- Yes.
- Me too?
- Of course.
- And how much do you think I would cost?
- 500 francs.
- What?! Only 500 francs?!
- Here you go - you've already started to negotiate.

NOV

20th September 2013, 05:56 PM

http://sphotos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/q71/s720x720/154477_510446432379871_1619914511_n.jpg

NOV

22nd September 2013, 06:29 PM

Husband to wife :- Today is a fine day.

Next day he says :- Today is a fine day.

Again next day, he says same thing - Today is a fine day.

Finally after a week, the wife can't take it and asks her husband :-
Since last one week, you are saying this 'Today is a fine day'. I am fed up. What's the matter?

Husband :- Last week when we had an argument, you said,"I will leave you one fine day." I was just trying to remind you..

NOV

25th September 2013, 08:49 AM

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew it.

NOV

26th September 2013, 10:26 AM

HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR PHONE IS MADE IN CHINA
1. It gets full after 3 minutes of charging..
2. The phone has TV, Touch screen, Nail cutter, fire lighter, tubelight, etc.
3. Text message can be written with a toothpick.
4. There are some spelling mistakes e.g NokLa, blackderry, i-porn, samswag etc.
5. When an aeroplane passes by, it records "one missed call".
6. When a big truck hoots; it records "charger connected".
7. When a Chinese man passes by you it says "One Bluetooth Device Found"...

NOV

26th September 2013, 10:27 AM

NOV

27th September 2013, 08:19 AM

She: I have changed my mind!

Me: Thank God, but does the new one work?

NOV

30th September 2013, 08:22 AM

Rajnikanth was born on 30th Feburary..
.
.
Since then February decided not to give this day to anybody else...!

NOV

1st October 2013, 08:32 AM

Wife calls husband in his office.

Wife: Window is not opening. What shall I do?

Husband: Put some oil and wait for while. It will open. If not, then put more oil and wait.

Wife (little unconvinced): Are you sure?

Husband: Yes, trust me, it will do the magic. Try it.

After a while, husband calls back to check: Did you do as I told you? Did it do the needful trick?

Wife: I don't know about the trick or magic, but now the entire laptop is not starting

NOV

2nd October 2013, 05:03 PM

Could you fax me ur photo very very urgently?
Mind you - it's really very very urgent, damn serious and very important.
I'm playing cards and we've misplaced the JOKER.

NOV

3rd October 2013, 09:02 AM

https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/q71/995504_506823042738347_2036594249_n.jpg

NOV

7th October 2013, 07:02 AM

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/q71/1378502_302475569892878_1139056218_n.jpg

NOV

9th October 2013, 07:00 AM

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/q71/1379661_510036629083655_715713323_n.jpg

NOV

9th October 2013, 05:37 PM

Help-desk guy speaking to a lady user …

Help-desk : double click on “My Computer”.

Lady : I can’t see your computer..

Help-desk : No .. Click on “My Computer” on your computer.

Lady : How the hell can I click on your computer from my computer ??? !!

Help-desk : There is an icon labelled “My Computer” on your computer .. double click on it.

Lady : What the hell is your computer doing on my computer

NOV

10th October 2013, 09:08 AM

https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/q71/1375160_504618522958799_451232109_n.jpg

NOV

11th October 2013, 07:38 AM

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/q71/1374298_504545236299461_673042695_n.jpg

NOV

13th October 2013, 08:13 AM

https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/q71/s720x720/1383594_512795192141132_815530317_n.jpg

NOV

16th October 2013, 07:02 AM

Marriage proposal in 2013:

Mike: I'm not rich like Raj, I don't have a big house like Raj, I don't have a BMW like Raj, I'm not as good looking as Raj but honey I love you!

Jaya: I love you too - now give me Raj's number.

NOV

17th October 2013, 06:43 AM

A woman looking in the mirror, said "I like to look at my lovely young complexion and attractiveness, do you think that's vanity?"

Her husband said, "no, just your imagination!"

NOV

18th October 2013, 07:07 AM

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/q71/s720x720/1385667_586328508101137_1599314631_n.jpg

NOV

21st October 2013, 06:56 AM

Mr Sivam gets into work late for the 5th time in five days and his boss says: "OK Sivam, what's the excuse today? "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

"I'm very sorry boss," he says, "everything went wrong this morning, my wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes but we got stuck in traffic. I didn't want to let you down so I got out of the car, knocked a policeman off his motor bike, stole his bike and raced through the streets to the station with siren screeching, the train was just pulling out of the platform so I ran after it and jumped on the back, I clung on at speeds of 100mph for 30 minutes but it didn't stop in the station so I jumped off on the viaduct into the swollen river and swam through raging torrents, got out of the river and grabbed a passing fire engine, clung on for dear life and it dropped me off here - and here I am - look, my suit's still damp!"

"You'll have to do better than that, Sivam," said the boss, disappointed. "That's unbelievable, no woman can get ready in ten minutes!"