A joke per day...keeps the doctor away! [Archive] - Page 5

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NOV

12th May 2009, 07:52 AM

Heard around school......

Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigarette... ?

"pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"

"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."

write down your name and father of your name!!

"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"

"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board

"will u hang that calendar or else I'll HANG MYSELF"

Chemistry HOD comes and tells us... "My aim is to study my son
and marry my daughter"

"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the
class?!"

Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..
"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??

Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..
"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"

Querida

12th May 2009, 09:47 AM

[tscii]
Pinch all the chocolate candies until you find the one you want.
Poke anyone near you and say, "stop violating my personal space."
Pretend you are invisible.
Pretend you have gone completely deaf.
Pretend you're listening.
Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
Read over other people's shoulders on the bus.
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Run through the halls of your office building or school with your arms outstretched, making airplane noises. Periodically crash into pedestrians and lose a wing. Spiral to a crash and repeat.
Sample every flavor of ice cream and tell the clerk what you don't like about each one.
Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?"
See if you can be the first one off the plane, even if you are sitting by the window.
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
Shake with your left hand.
Sharpen All your pencils to the same size EXACTLY.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Sing the "This is the song that never ends" song from Lampchop's Play-Along.
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Snap your gum.
Sniffle incessantly.
Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
Squeeze the toothpaste from the top, and while you're at it, leave the cap off.
Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
Step on the back of the shoe of the person in front of you.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Take more than 10 items to the express checkout lane
Tap someone on the shoulder repeatedly.
Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus.
Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.
Tell people they have bad breath.
Tell small children that they don't look very promising.
Tell the ending of movies
Use the last square of toilet paper and do not change the roll.
Walk up to random people and ask them, very seriously, "Do you know the muffin man?"
Walk very slowly, and make sure nobody can get past you, move in front of them when the try.
Wear a lot\of cologne.
Wear alarming combinations of pink and green and comment about everybody else's fashion sense.
Wear your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a lot.
When in a chat room, spell everything incorrectly.
When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention."
When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.
When walking down a main road, act like a drunk.
Whenever anybody says anything to you. Respond by saying, "I know."
Whenever anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have just told and extremely funny joke.

Is it wrong/weird/sad that I know people who do these things and at times have been guilty of committing these suggestions without even knowing its annoying...well ok, I would never admit out loud they are :D

NOV

13th May 2009, 01:16 PM

True meaning of marriage

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

.... As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.

This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.. '

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What are you are waiting for?'

She answered....
.
.
.
.
.
... the dentures.

NOV

14th May 2009, 08:42 AM

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an
old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the
next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad
news, the donkey died last night."

Kenny replied: "Well then, just give me my money back."

The farmer said: "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Kenny said: "OK then, just unload the donkey."

The farmer asked: "What you gonna to do with him?"

Kenny: "I'm going to raffle him off."

Farmer: "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

Kenny: "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened
with that dead donkey?"

Kenny: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made
a profit of $998.00."

Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?"

Kenny: "Just the guy who won. So I gave him back his two dollars."

Kenny grew up and eventually became the CEO of the American Energy
Company: Enron

NOV

14th May 2009, 07:22 PM

A lion was getting married.... at his wedding was a mouse shouting away...&
congratulating the lion " all the best my brother.... good luck.....".

Seeing the mouse shouting away claiming that the lion getting married is his
brother... another Lion grabs the mouse in anger & asks "Who the hell do you
think you are.... how can a lion be your brother.. you are only a
mouse...."

The Mouse replied.... "I was also a Lion before I got married.

NOV

22nd May 2009, 02:37 PM

[tscii]EXCLUSIVELY FOR ENGINEERING STUDENTS

Ques: We know that 2/10=0.2 but Prove that 2/10=2

Ans :
Normal college students insist Question is "OUT of Syllabus".

But Engineering Students replied: 2=two, 10=ten.
therefore

Two/Ten = Two/Ten = wo/en.

w=23,
o=15,
e=5,
n=14.

Therefore

w+o=23+15=38
&
e+n=5+14=19

Therefore wo/en=38/19=2.

Hence Proved

FOR, Engineers “It doesn’t matter what is the answer. They says “Tell me what answer you want and we will get it."

Sarna

22nd May 2009, 04:42 PM

Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

In a London Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

Outside a London second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a London conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR, THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the world :

At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctors office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco :
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE SHOULD WAIT AND SEE THE MANAGER.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

In a Calcutta Coffee House:
PEOPLE DISCARDING CIGARETTE STUBS IN CUPS WILL BE SERVED COFFEE IN ASH TRAYS.

jaaze

25th May 2009, 05:59 PM

[tscii:2e4b5ac163]50 Things to Do While At a McDonald's Drive-Thru

1. Say “Amen” after you say your order.

2. Order a large cheese pizza.

3. Terminate the order by saying, “Remember, we never had this conversation.” and then drive off.

4. Tell the order taker a rival fast food place is down the street and you’re going with the lowest bidder.

5. When you take your order say “surprise me!”

6. Answer their questions with questions.

7. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE.

8. Sing your order.

9. Spell out your order.

10. Talk about your social life.

11. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.

12. Tell the order taker you’re depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

13. Change your accent every three seconds.

14. After ordering say “and once your done throw it out and do it again cuz you won’t get it right the first time!”

15. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say “Bed-Wetters’ Camp, right?”

16. Start your order with “I’d like… “. A little later, slap yourself and say “No, I don’t.”

17. Ask to rent a burger.

18. Ask if there is a warrantee on your meal.

19. Order with the radio turned up at full blast.

20. Ask if you get to keep the bag. When they say “yes” start crying with happiness and call your whole family to tell them the big news.

21. Tell them to double-check to make sure your buger is, in fact, dead.

22. Imitate the order taker’s voice.

23. Eliminate verbs from your speech.

24. When they say “What would you like?” say, “Huh? Oh, you mean now.”

25. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.

26. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this meal.

27. Order just one fry.

28. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say “Where was I? Who are you?”

29. Order two different meals and then say, “No, they’ll start fighting.”

30. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.

31. Take a picture of the person at the window.

32. Hand the person at the window a box of pizza and say, “that will be $7.95”

33. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, “I shall not be swayed by your sweet words.”

34. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.

35. Start the conversation with “My order at McDonalds, Take 1, and … action!”

36. Ask if the burger is organically grown.

37. When they repeat your order, say “Again, with a little more OOMPH this time.”

38. State your order and say, “that’s as far as this relationship is going to get”.

39. Ask if they’re familiar with the term “spanking a burger.” Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your burger.

40. Tell them to take the first bite.

41. Teach the order taker a secret code. Take your order using that code.

42. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say “You just don’t get it, do you?”

43. When you’ge given the price, say “Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math.”

44. Bargain with the price.

45. When they say “Will that be all?”, snicker and say “We’ll find out, won’t we?”

46. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that burger.

47. Wear a detective suit and pass the person at the window a breifcase and then drive off.

48. Ask if the burger has had it’s shots.

49. Don’t say a word. Just stare.

50. Speak in a different language.
[/tscii:2e4b5ac163]

NOV

4th June 2009, 08:30 AM

Ah Pek and Ah Ma were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

*She said, 'You used to hold my hand when we were courting.

Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said, 'Then, you used to kiss me.

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said, 'Then, you used to bite my neck.'

Angrily, he threw back the bed covers and got out of bed.

*Where are you going?' *she asked.

'To get my teeth lah!!

jaaze

5th June 2009, 10:28 PM

மனைவியை அடிப்பவர்களுக்கு ஒரு வருட சிறை தண்டனை என்று அறிவித்து விடலாமா அரசே?....

வேண்டாம் அவ்வளவு தைரியமானவர்களை நம் படையில் சேர்த்துக்கொ ...

app_engine

9th June 2009, 07:36 PM

http://dailythanthi.com/article.asp?NewsID=493001&disdate=6/9/2009

இதுவல்லவோ கோரிக்கை? :-)

app_engine

14th June 2009, 09:00 AM

http://dailythanthi.com/article.asp?NewsID=494064&disdate=6/14/2009

Ration card for Rs 2 / kg rice with Sania Mirza photo :-)

jaaze

14th June 2009, 09:15 AM

http://dailythanthi.com/article.asp?NewsID=493001&disdate=6/9/2009

இதுவல்லவோ கோரிக்கை? :-)
http://dailythanthi.com/article.asp?NewsID=494064&disdate=6/14/2009

Ration card for Rs 2 / kg rice with Sania Mirza photo :-)
can't view fonts :?

app_engine

15th June 2009, 05:25 PM

jaaze, it's not unicode :-(

You need to download from their homepage and install...

app_engine

15th June 2009, 10:46 PM

http://www.dinamalar.com/splpart.asp?ncat=Doubt-Thanabal

Quite funny, especially the cartoon :-)

app_engine

17th June 2009, 08:00 PM

http://www.dinamalar.com/fpnnews.asp?News_id=4102

Some comments by readers are funny :-)

Dinamalar itself writes off PMK as
"பாலுக்கும் காவல், பூனைக்கும் தோழன்"!

app_engine

17th June 2009, 11:38 PM

Some interesting observations on the executive pay issue (esp. on "golden coffins') :

Just more than 50% of shareholder voters opposed a golden coffin at XTO Energy (XTO, news, msgs). It would award Chairman and CEO Bob Simpson, upon his death, an $111 million cash bonus and $4.35 million in salary, and accelerated options vesting and life insurance payments worth millions more. Mysteriously, Simpson's golden coffin also would offer him a "car allowance" of $158,000 after he dies.

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/learn-how-to-invest/how-shareholders-are-fighting-greed.aspx?page=2

jaaze

18th June 2009, 08:38 AM

directhit

18th June 2009, 11:12 AM

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favourite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Self raising, isn't it?

The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.

app_engine

18th June 2009, 10:31 PM

I think a live telecast of TN assembly will be as cracking as Goundamani - Senthil jokes.

See this link :
http://dailythanthi.com/article.asp?NewsID=494774&disdate=6/18/2009

Samples :

அன்பழகன் : அவைக்குள் அன் பார்லிமென்டரி பேசினால் மட்டும் திருத்திக்கொள்ளலாம்

ஓ.பன்னீர்செல்வம் : இங்கு பேசும் போது துரைமுருகன் பேசிய அவை ஏற்காத வார்த்தையை நீக்க வேண்டும்

சபானாயகர் : சரி, பார்த்துக்கொள்கிறேன்

அன்பழகன் : குதிரை, கழுதை, பன்றி என்ற வார்த்தைகள் எல்லாம் அவைக்குள் பேசுவதற்கு ஏற்றவை தான். ஆனால் ஒருவரை பார்த்து அந்த வார்த்தையை பயன்படுத்தக்கூடாது.

:-)

எஸ்.வி.சேகர் : என்னுடைய நண்பர் கலைராஜன் "இங்கே அடுத்தமுறை இவர் பேசினால், இவரை போட்டுத்தள்ளுஙள்" என்று அடுத்தவரிடம் சொல்லிக்கொண்டு இருந்தார்...ஆகவே அந்த ஒரு காரணத்தினால் என்னுடைய உயிருக்கோ வேறு ஏதாவது :) சேதாரம் ஏற்பட்டால் அதற்கு யார் காரணம் என்பதை இந்த சட்டமன்றத்தில் பதிவு செய்கிறேன்.

கலைராஜன் : இங்கு பேசிய ஒரு எட்டப்பன் அவனது உயிருக்கு ஆபத்து என்றால், அதற்கு நான் தான் காரணம் என்பது போல பேசினான். அவர் பன்றி காய்ச்சலில் "பனால்' என்று போய் விட்டால் அதற்கு நான் பொறுப்பு கிடையாது

:lol:

app_engine

23rd June 2009, 08:30 PM

TN food minister Velu wants the name 'Thamizh nAdu' to be changed to 'kalaignar nAdu' :-)

http://www.dinamalar.com/Sambavamnewsdetail.asp?News_id=10983

dev

23rd June 2009, 08:53 PM

TN food minister Velu wants the name 'Thamizh nAdu' to be changed to 'kalaignar nAdu' :-)

http://www.dinamalar.com/Sambavamnewsdetail.asp?News_id=10983

:rotfl2: :rotfl2: :rotfl2:

app_engine

29th June 2009, 08:14 PM

[tscii:9578c04a96]From msn.com :

Cell phone in the toilet bowl? Here’s how to fix it

Your cell phone, pager or iPod has fallen into the toilet bowl, swimming pool or kitchen sink full of water. You fish it out. After you've washed your hands -- depending on the circumstance -- what can you do?

FiscalGeek offers five techniques for restoring the gadget to life in a post called "Frugal fix: Revive your cell phone or electronic devices from water damage." He starts with his "go-to" method, which involves rubbing alcohol.

Here's a short description (don't try this without reading his entire post):

Remove the battery -- immediately. Then take off the battery cover and other compartments, he says.
Submerge the device in a container filled with the alcohol for five minutes.
Let the device dry for an hour or so. "The alcohol will evaporate very quickly but be sure it's really dry," "FiscalGeek" says.
If that doesn't work after several tries, move on to the other options:

Store the phone overnight in a sealed bag of dry rice. The rice acts as a desiccant. (We'll save you the trouble of looking that up. It means "a drying agent.")
Use a Dri-Z-Air dehumidifier. He explains how.
Finally, maybe a hair blower will work.
It's worth a try to salvage the phone or other gadget. Otherwise, you're left with his final suggestion:

Smash it with a hammer and buy a new device. This one works every time.
[/tscii:9578c04a96]

jaaze

29th June 2009, 08:35 PM

Suggestion: Don't bold the funny bit if it's going to give the whole joke away. Cos I read the bolded words first and it gave away ;)

app_engine

29th June 2009, 09:04 PM

Suggestion: Don't bold the funny bit if it's going to give the whole joke away. Cos I read the bolded words first and it gave away ;)

I removed it :-)

Sarna

6th July 2009, 10:01 AM

While visiting India , George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam.

He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is.
He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says Kalam. "Allow me to
demonstrate."

Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,

"Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question:
Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is
not
your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Manmohan immediately responds,
"It's me, Sir !"

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye" says Kalam. He hangs up and says," Did
you
get that, Mr. Bush?"

Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot.

I'll definitely be using that!"
>

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put Condoleezza
Rice
to the test.
Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleezza, I wonder if
you
can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father
has
a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to
you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.

Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle
over
the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer.
Finally, in desperation, Rice calls

Colin Powell
and explains the problem.

"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and
this
child is not your brother or your sister.
Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush,
and
exclaims,

"I know the answer, sir! I know
who it is!
It's our Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

It's Manmohan Singh!"

Sarna

9th July 2009, 03:23 PM

A woman writes to the IT Technical Support Guy

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________
Reply

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. Html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

NOV

11th July 2009, 07:21 AM

It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job..

It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh..

It's important to have a woman, whom you can trust and who doesn't lie to you..

It's important to have a woman, who is good for you and who likes to be with you..

It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other

Lambretta

20th July 2009, 12:12 AM

You will like this !!

UID Cards - our future.

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer: "Helloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's he...hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... You're... Mr Panth and you're calling from I611 Jal Vayu Towers. Your home number is 22678893, your office 25076666 and your mobile is 09869798888. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00"

Customer: "Can I pay by! Credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car..."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car,...registration number GZ-05-AB-1107.."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... By the way... Aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$% !!

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"

Customer: [Faints]

Sarna

23rd July 2009, 03:40 PM

Chinese Name Confusion :lol:

" Good Wan! (Good One!)!!

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone ! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator : Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Ree.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry . Now give me your name!!

Operator: That's what I said.. I'm Saw Ree ..

Caller: Oh .....God!!!!

Sarna

24th July 2009, 11:26 AM

Just look at the great person’s (Purushottam Abuj) comment in xxxx and the funny replies the ppl have sent on his great idea J.This blog was on the article where 2 scientists have invented a plane that will run on solar energy…they claim it will work in night as well

Suggestion
by Purushottam Abuj on Jun 30, 2009 01:38 PM | Hide replies

Actually Government should use the geographical advantage of we being on the opposite side of USA.
We should dig a through hole from the center earth which will connect India and USA, so we can put wire through it.
So in India's day time sun light and solar energy can be given to USA and they can give us the same in their day time.
Also we can fit an train through it so that we dont have to use planes for travelling.

Similarly Finland and New Zealand can be connected using a vertical angular hole.
The best part is if we drop something from Finland it will automatically come down to New Zealand due to gravity, so lot of energy
can be saved which we lose in transportation and travelling.
This saved energy can then be stored in everyday pencil cells and can be sold at Rs 14 each. This additional revenue can then be
used to educate the people and the children of farmers so that they will have earning sons and they will not sucide.

Re: Suggestion
by SUNDEEB NAIR on Jun 30, 2009 01:50 PM
Brilliantest idea ever spelt. But when digging hole from India to US, we should take care when digging at the end, otherwise the excavators & engineers, laborers etc. will fall out of the earth into space.
I differ reg. pricing pencil cells at Rs.14/-, due to inflation, drought the price should be raised to like 14.50

Re: Suggestion
by venky iyer on Jun 30, 2009 01:48 PM
mr purshottam ur definately a mahapurush,i must recommend you to padma bhushan nd vidya bhushan awards for u

Re: Suggestion
by Rajnish Singh on Jun 30, 2009 01:46 PM
Making hole in earth is not a good idea. We can just break sun into 4-5 parts and fit one part above India, one above US, one above Finlad and one above New Zealand.

Re: Re: Suggestion
by Rajnish Singh on Jun 30, 2009 01:48 PM
Sanjoy, I have already nominated him for Noble prize. Please don't forget to watch India TV tonight ;-)

Re: Re: Suggestion
by manoj lakhanpal on Jun 30, 2009 01:57 PM
This is realy a grt idea guys.. one more thing we are missing.. How Bhart Ratan Purush (Honai wallai) can forget to utilize MOON.. We need to workout to utilize moon light in night rather than digging our motherland....

Re: Re: Re: Suggestion
by Purushottam Abuj on Jun 30, 2009 02:01 PM
Yes I agree as Moon glows in the night it means surely it is having some sort of energy,

My suggestion is Next time when we launch chandrayan, connect some wire to its end and then send to earth. So the energy can directly reach from Moon to Sriharikotta.

By the way, dont forget to another wire for Earthing, becoz I am not sure if Moonthing works

Re: Suggestion
by Gaurav Kaul on Jun 30, 2009 01:55 PM
thank god you posted this here and not on a foreign website.otherwise all indians would be branded mental patients ....

Re: Suggestion
by Ungli on Jun 30, 2009 01:52 PM
what an idea sirji,:)

Re: Suggestion
by chin chu on Jun 30, 2009 01:59 PM
and what if all the kids playing the hole fall into it? Like it does happen everywhere around these days..

Re: Re: Re: Suggestion
by chin chu on Jun 30, 2009 02:08 PM
and dont forget the garib janta who goes out every morning with LOTA PANI to do the daily pooing stuff..what if somebody does it in the hole? US will get a taste of India..

padmanabha

26th July 2009, 08:29 AM

A Bihari was working in Mumbai & did not meet his wife for four (4)
years while his wife was in Patna .

At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in
office stating that his wife had delivered a son.

His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this 'Happy
event' happened when he had not seen his wife for four years...

The man said it is common in Bihar that neighbours take care of the
wife (good Samaritans) when men are away.

The colleagues asked him, 'What name will you give to the son?'

The man explained, 'If it is the first neighbour that had taken care,
the name would be 'PRATHAM ';

If its the second neighbour,then it would be ' DWIVEDI';

If it is the third neighbour then it would be ' TRIVEDI ',

If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be 'CHATURVEDI ';

If its the fifth neighbour then it would be ' PANDEY'...

After listening to this, questions followed.

What if it is a mixture of neighbours ?
'Then the boy would be named 'MISHRA '...

And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour?
Then it would be ' SHARMA'...

But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour?
Then the name of the child would be ' GUPTA '...

If she does not remember the name then?
'It is YAAD-AV '

But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape?
Then it will be named ' DOSHI'...

Finally, if the child happened because of wife's burning desire?
Then he will be named ' JOSHI '...

And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?....
' DESHPANDEY.'

NOV

26th July 2009, 09:16 AM

Ravana gets into a depressingly apologetic mode while the war is on and calls Rama on his cell and says. "Dude come over. I want to apologise to you in person".

Ram is not too sure, nevertheless goes over to the palace to meet Ravana. What does Ravana say?

-- Entha vaayaala mannippu keppen?

NOV

26th July 2009, 09:20 AM

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting...

Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.

Maid: So, what is the problem? We all use our work telephones.

NOV

26th July 2009, 09:22 AM

Universal law of Love:

Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money.

NOV

29th July 2009, 11:36 AM

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyers club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang of robbers was very happy to escape.

"It was not so bad" one crook noted. We made $25 in there.

The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers! We had $100 when we broke in!"

NOV

29th July 2009, 11:36 AM

Q: How do you save a drowning lawyer?

A: By lifting your foot off his head.

NOV

29th July 2009, 06:52 PM

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?

Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status

Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

NOV

29th July 2009, 06:53 PM

Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..

Friend: How do u know?

Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new

NOV

29th July 2009, 06:54 PM

Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?

Sardar: ZEBRA

Teacher: How?

Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White

NOV

29th July 2009, 06:55 PM

Sardar: Miss, Do u called 2 my mobile?

Teacher: Me? No, why?

Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- "1 Miss Call".

NOV

29th July 2009, 06:56 PM

Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.

Manager: Do U know MS Office?

Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.

NOV

29th July 2009, 06:57 PM

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "

Air hostess said: "B silent."

Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"

NOV

29th July 2009, 06:58 PM

Sardar got a sms from his girl friend:
"I MISS YOU"

Sardarji replied:
"I Mr YOU" !!.

NOV

29th July 2009, 06:59 PM

Sardar: Doctor! My Son swallowed a key

Doctor: When?

Sardar: 3 Months Ago

Dr:Wat were u doing till now?

Sardar: We were using duplicate key

Sarna

1st August 2009, 09:32 AM

Senthil : "நான் புடிச்ச முயலுக்கு மூணு காலு"ன்னு ஏன் சொல்றாங்க..."நான் புடிச்ச பன்னிக்கு ஏன் மூணு காலு"ன்னு சொல்லல...

GM : "ஆடு மேய்க்கிற பயலுக்கு இவ்வளவு அறிவான்னு பொறாமை... இத அப்படியே ஒரு கல்வெட்டுல செதுக்கி வச்சிட்டு நீயும் பக்கத்துல ஒக்காந்துக்க..."

GM fan : "இத சொன்னவன் உன்ன பாக்கல... பாத்திருந்தா, உன்ன பிடிச்சிட்டு நான் புடிச்ச பன்னிக்கு ரெண்டு காலுன்னு சொல்லீருப்பான்..."

Balaspike

1st August 2009, 07:03 PM

After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner? :rotfl3:

Balaspike

1st August 2009, 07:04 PM

Manager asked to sardar at an interview
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: postbox

NOV

1st August 2009, 07:11 PM

[tscii:b988033914]A Day in the UN

A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named. When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath. 'He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got
out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. He said, "A Pakistani had stolen them."

The Pakistani Representative immediately jumped up furiously and shouted, "What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then."

The Indian representative smiled and said, "And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech. 'And they say Kashmir belongs to them…'[/tscii:b988033914]

Querida

2nd August 2009, 03:11 AM

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the
chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to
marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who
you're stuck with.
- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by
then.
- Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get
married.
- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at
the same kids. ..(wat a logic, future MITian)
- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don't want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know
each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually
gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10 (Who said boys do not have brains)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they're rich.
- Pam, age 7 (I could not have said it better myself)

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess
with that.
- Curt, age 7 (Good Point)

(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry
them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8 (Who made the rule)

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone
to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

(1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favourite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a
truck.
- Ricky, age 10 ( The boy already understands) :) :) :)

Balaspike

2nd August 2009, 01:10 PM

[tscii:c92610f7ec]Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”.
Sardar : oh your car starts with tea, but my car starts with petrol[/tscii:c92610f7ec]

Thirumaran

3rd August 2009, 12:35 PM

திருமண வா*ழ்*க்கை*யி*ன் ரக*சிய*ம்!
திருமண வா*ழ்*க்கையை எ*ந்த *பிர*ச்*சினை*யு*ம் இ*ல்லாம*ல் வா*ழ்*ந்த ஜோடிக*ள் த*ங்களது 25வது *திருமண நாளை*க் கொ*ண்டாடினா*ர்க*ள்.

ஊரையே*க் கூ*ட்டி *விரு*ந்து வை*த்து த*ங்களது *திருமண நாளை*க் கொ*ண்டாடிய த*ம்ப*தி*யினரை*ப் ப*ற்*றி அ*றி*ந்த அ*ந்த ஊ*ர் செ*ய்*தியாள*ர் ஒருவ*ர், அவ*ர்களை*ப் பே*ட்டி*க் க*ண்டு ப*த்*தி*ரி*க்கை*யி*ல் *பிரசு*ரி*க்க *விரு*ம்*பினா*ர்.

நேராக அ*ந்த த*ம்ப*திக*ளிட*ம் செ*ன்று, 25ஆ*ம் *திருமண நாளை* ஒ*ற்றுமையாக*க் கொ*ண்டாடுவது எ*ன்பது பெ*ரிய *விஷய*ம். இது உ*ங்களா*ல் எ*ப்படி முடி*ந்தது. உ*ங்களது *திருமண வா*ழ்**வி*ன் வெ*ற்*றி ரக*சிய*ம் எ*ன்ன எ*ன்று கே*ட்டா*ர்.

இ*ந்த கே*ள்*வியை கே*ட்டது*ம், அ*ந்த கணவ*ரு*க்கு தனது பழைய தே*னிலவு *நிக*ழ்*ச்*சிக*ள் *நினைவு*க்கு வ*ந்தது.

"நா*ங்க*ள் *திருமண*ம் முடி*ந்தது*ம் தே*னிலவு*க்காக *ஷ*ி*ம்லா செ**ன்றோ*ம். அ*ங்கு எ*ங்களது பயண*ம் *சிற*ப்பாக அமை*ந்தது. அ*ப்பகு*தியை சு*ற்*றி*ப் பா*ர்*க்க நா*ங்க*ள் கு*திரை ஏ*ற்ற*ம் செ*ல்வது எ*ன்று *தீ*ர்மா*னி*த்தோ*ம்.

அத*ற்காக இர*ண்டு கு*திரைகளை*த் தே*ர்*ந்தெடு*த்து, இருவரு*ம் ஒ*வ்வொரு கு**திரை*யி*ல் ஏ*றி*க் கொ*ண்டோ*ம். எ*னது கு*திரை *மிகவு*ம் அமை*தியாக செ*ன்று கொ*ண்டிரு*ந்தது. ஆனா*ல் எ*ன் மனை*வி செ*ன்ற கு*திரை *மிகவு*ம் குறு*ம்பு*த்தனமானதாக இரு*ந்தது. *திடீரென ஒரு து*ள்ள*லி*ல் எ*ன் மன*ை*வியை *அது கீழே*த் த*ள்*ளியது.

அவ*ள் **கீழே இரு*ந்து எழு*ந்து சுதா*ரி*த்து*க் கொ*ண்டு அ*ந்த கு*திரை*யி*ன் *மீது *மீ*ண்டு*ம் ஏ*றி அம*ர்*ந்து கொ*ண்டு, "இதுதா*ன் உன*க்கு முத*ல் முறை" எ*ன்று அமை*தியாக*க் கூ*றினா*ள்.

*சி*றிது தூர*ம் செ*ன்றது*ம் *மீ*ண்டு*ம் அ*ந்த கு*திரை அ*வ்வாறே செ*ய்தது. அ*ப்போது*ம் எ*ன் மனை*வி *மிக அமை*தியாக எழு*ந்து கு*திரை*யி*ன் *மீது அம*ர்*ந்து கொ*ண்டு "இதுதா*ன் உன*க்கு இர*ண்டா*ம் முறை" எ*ன்று கூ*றியவாறு பய*ணி*க்க*த் தொட*ங்*கினா*ள்.

மூ*ன்றா*ம் முறையு*ம் கு*திரை அ*வ்வாறு செ*ய்தது*ம், அவ*ள் வேகமாக அவளது கை*த்து*ப்பா*க்*கியை எடு*த்து அ*ந்த கு*திரையை சு*ட்டு*க் கொ*ன்று*வி*ட்டா*ள்!!!

இதை*க் க*ண்டு அ*தி*ர்*ச்*சி அடை*ந்த என*க்கு *மிகவு**ம் கோப*ம் வ*ந்து*வி*ட்டது. நா*ன் அவளை *தி*ட்டினே*ன். "ஏ*ன் இ*ப்படி செ*ய்தா*ய்? *நீ எ*ன்ன மு*ட்டாளா? ஒரு *வில*ங்கை*க் கொ*ன்று*வி*ட்டாயே? அ*றி*வி*ல்லையா?" எ*ன்று கே*ட்டே*ன்.

அவ*ள் *மிகவு*ம் அமையாக எ*ன்னை*ப் பா*ர்*த்து, "இதுதா*ன் உ*ங்களு*க்கு முத*ல் முறை" எ*ன்றா*ள்.

அ*வ்வளவுதா*ன். அத*ன்*பிறகு எ*ங்களது வா*ழ்*க்கை *மிகவு*ம் அமை*தியாக செ*ன்று கொ*ண்டிரு*க்*கிறது எ*ன்றா*ர் கணவ*ர்.

:|

4th August 2009, 05:20 PM

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.

2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.

3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some or all of THE RULES.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The Female can change her mind at any given time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without the express, written consent of The Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.

14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.

15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.

16. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.

17. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5

app_engine

4th August 2009, 07:57 PM

http://www.dinamalar.com/Arasiyalnewsdetail.asp?News_id=12914

மருத்துவர் : அன்புமணி அடுத்த தேர்தலில் ஜெயித்தாலும் அமைச்சர் ஆக மாட்டார்.

directhit

13th August 2009, 12:18 PM

[tscii:6863a13c4b]
Productive Salesmanship ...
The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.

Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said. "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. "$2,467.00" he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher..."How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny. "I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing, 'Hey, this tastes like s***!'.
Then I would say, 'It IS s***. Wanna buy a toothbrush?'[/tscii:6863a13c4b]

NOV

14th August 2009, 07:33 AM

BLACK ROBBERS (A True Story)

For those who didn't see the episode of David Letterman's(Popular
American Late Night Stand-up Comedian) show where this story was told,
please read this; And remember it's a true story...

On a recent weekend in Atlantic City, a woman won a bucketful of quarters
at a slot machine.

She took a break from the slots for dinner with her husband in the hotel
dining room. But first she wanted to stash the quarters in her room..
'I'll be right back and we'll go to eat' she told her husband and carried
the coin-laden bucket to the elevator.

As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already
aboard. Both were black. One of them was very tall and had an
intimidating figure. The woman froze. Her first thought was: 'These two
are going to rob me.'

Her next thought was: 'Don't be a bigot, they look like perfectly nice
gentlemen.' But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized
her.

Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator
doors as they closed.

A second passed, and then another second, and then another. Her fear
increased! The elevator didn't move. Panic consumed her.
'My God' she thought, I'm trapped and about to be robbed!

Her heart plummeted. Perspiration poured from every pore...

Then one of the men said, 'Hit the floor.'

Instinct told her to do what they told her.

The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms and
collapsed on the elevator floor. A shower of coins rained down on her.

'Take my money and spare me', she prayed.

More seconds passed. She heard one of the men say politely, 'Ma'am, if
you'll just tell us what floor you're going to, we'll push the button.'

The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out. He was
trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh. The woman lifted her head and
looked up at the two men. They reached down to help her up.

Confused, she struggled to her feet. 'When I told my friend here to hit
the floor,' said the average sized one, I meant that he should hit the
elevator button for our floor. I didn't mean for you to hit the floor,
ma'am.'

He spoke genially. He bit his lip. It was obvious he was having a hard
time not laughing.

The woman thought: 'My God, what a spectacle I've made of myself.'

She was too humiliated to speak. The three of them gathered up the strewn
quarters and refilled her bucket.

When the elevator arrived at her floor they then insisted on walking her
to her room. She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were
afraid she might not make it down the corridor.

At her door they bid her a good evening.

As she slipped into her room she could hear them roaring with laughter as
they walked back to the elevator.

The woman brushed herself off. She pulled herself together and went
downstairs for dinner with her husband.

The next morning flowers were delivered to her room; a dozen roses.

Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred-dollar bill.

The card said: 'Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years.
It was signed: Eddie Murphy & Michael Jordan.

app_engine

17th August 2009, 11:26 PM

A recent அரசு பதில் (குமுதம்) :

கேள்வி :
இந்தி நடிகை ராக்கி சாவந்த்தின் சுயம்வரத்துக்கு நீங்கள் ஏன் போகவில்லை?

பதில் :
ராக்கிக்கு வயது முப்பதை கடந்துவிட்டது என்றார்கள், அதனால் ஒரு மரியாதை நிமித்தமாகப்போகவில்லை :-)

VinodKumar's

17th August 2009, 11:50 PM

NOV

18th August 2009, 06:55 PM

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?

Put about 100 bricks in a room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room, and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours, and then analyze the situation.

If they are counting the bricks.
Put them in the accounts department.

If they are recounting them.
Auditing.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks.
Engineering.

If they arrange the bricks in some strange order.
Planning.

If they throw the bricks at each other,
Operations.

If they are sleeping.
Reception.

If they break the bricks into pieces.
Information technology.

If they are sitting idle.
Human resources.

If they say they have tried different combinations, not a brick has been moved.
Sales.

If they have already left for the day.
Marketing.

If they are staring out of the window.
Strategic Planning.

Last but not least.
If they talk to each other, and not a single brick has been moved.
Congratulate them, and put them in top management!!

NOV

18th August 2009, 06:57 PM

HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?

This is hysterical. You have to try this. It is absolutely true. I guess there are some things that the brain cannot handle.

HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?

You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this! It is from an orthopaedic surgeon............ This will confuse your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see i! f you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't. It is pre-programmed in your brain!

1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

I told you so! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.

jaaze

27th August 2009, 08:30 AM

Email forward in the rounds!!!!

E-ன்னியன்: 5 email forward பண்ணினா தப்பா?
Email User: ஒன்னும் தப்பு இல்லீங்க

E-ன்னியன்: 5 லட்சம் பேரு 5 email forward பண்ணினா தப்பா?
Email User: தப்பு மாதிரி தாங்க தெரியுது!!

E-ன்னியன்: 5 லட்சம் பேரு 5 லட்சம் தடவ 5 email forward பண்ணினா தப்பா?
Email User: பெரிய தப்பு தாங்க!!

E-ன்னியன்: அது தாண்டா நீங்க எல்லாம் பண்ணிகிட்டு இருக்கீங்க!! வெட்டிப் பசங்களா!! போய் வேலையப் பாருங்கடா!!!
.

குபாம் கபீம்!!!

Sarna

28th August 2009, 01:49 PM

After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Russian scientists
found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the
conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one
thousand years ago.

So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists
dug 200 meters and the headlines in the US papers read:
' US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibers, and
have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech
digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians.'

One week later, Indian daily newspapers reported the following:

…..

….

…

….

'After digging as deep as 500 meters, Indian scientists have found
absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their
ancestors were already using Bluetooth and Wireless technology.

"JAI HO"

jaaze

28th August 2009, 01:53 PM

:lol: have heard this one, but in place of India was Singapore :)

NOV

30th August 2009, 06:20 PM

கணினி யுகத்தின் காதல் கடிதம் (Love letter to an IT girl in Tamil! )

கணப்பொழுது கூட கவனம் சிதறாமல் கருமமே கண்ணாய் கண்ணிமைக்காமல்
கணினியையே கண்டு கொண்டிருக்கும் காதலிக்கு...

காதல் என்றால் kilobyte என்ன விலை ? என்று தான் நானுமிருந்தேன், உன்னைப் பார்க்கும் வரை.
உன்னைக் கண்ட நாள் முதல் தொலைந்த என் மனதை Google searchல் தேடியும் கிடைக்கவில்லை.
எப்போதும் "மானிட்டரை" வெறிப்பவளே, என் போன்ற மானிடரையும் கொஞ்சம் பார்!

உன் நுனிவிரல் நடனமாடும் மேடை கீ-போர்டில் ஒரு கீயாக நான் மாறக்கூடாதா?
உன் உள்ளங்கை சூட்டில் Mouse க்கு மவுசு ஏறிப்போனதடி!

Microsoft Windows ஐப் பார்ப்பதை விட்டு என் மனமெனும் windowக்குள் உன் முகம் தெரிவதை எட்டிப் பார்!
உன் கணினி mouse pointer என் நெஞ்சில் ஈட்டியாய் பாய, எத்தனை முறை Restart பண்ணினாலும் Hang ஆகிறது இதயம்.

Printer ribbon பார்க்கும் போதெல்லாம், ribbon வைத்த உன் கூந்தல் ஞாபகம்.
Busy mouse pointer இல் Hour-glass பார்த்தால் உன் உடல் வாகு ஞாபகம்.

Intelligent எனப் பெயரெடுத்த நான், உன்னால் Artificial Intelligence கூட
இல்லாத ஜடமாகிப் போனேன்.

உன் கணினிக்கு மின் தடை பாதிக்காத வண்ணம் UPS Backup வைத்திருக்கிறாயே,
நீ இல்லையென்றானால் எனக்கு Back up யாரும் இல்லையடி ( உனக்கு தங்கை யாராவது இருக்காங்களா?)

JPEG formatஇல் உன் படங்கள்,
MPEG formatஇல் உன் அசைவுகள்,
MP3 formatஇல் உன் குரல் என சேமித்து என் மன Hard disk ஐ நிரப்பி விட்டேன்!

உன் பதில் ஈ-மெயிலுக்கு என் inbox என்றும் காத்திருக்கும் !

(பி.கு.): உன் காதல் ஈ-மெயிலை பழக்க தோஷத்தில் cc to multiple recipients போட்டு அனுப்பி விடாதே!

NOV

30th August 2009, 06:25 PM

படிச்சு பாருங்க: விழுந்து விழுந்து சிரிப்பீங்க

செல் பேசும் வார்த்தைகள்***

(எல்லாத்துக்கும் மனசுன்னு ஒன்னு உண்டு. அப்பிடிங்கறப்போ பலர் தங்களோட செல்லமா நினைச்சுக்கிட்டிருக்கிற செல்போனுக்குன்னு ஒரு மனசு இருக்காதா என்ன.. ஒரு இளைஞன்.. அவனது செல்போன் மனம் விட்டு பேசினால் எப்படி இருக்கும்! செல் பேசும் வார்த்தைகளாகவே எண்ணிப் படிக்கவும்.)

கீய்ங் கீய்ங்.. கீய்ங் கீய்ங்.. (மெசேஜ் ஒன்று வந்தடைகிறது.)

செல் : நிம்மதியா தூங்க வுடுறாங்களா.. சாமத்துல யாருக்கு என்ன கொள்ளை போகுதுன்னு தெரியல.. இந்த நேரத்துல என்ன மெசேஜ் வேண்டி கிடக்கு? இப்ப இவன் எழுந்து பார்ப்பான். அப்புறம் விடிய விடிய சாட் தான். என்ன பொழப்பு இது! ஆஹா எந்திரிசிட்டான்யா.. என்னை கையில் எடுத்துட்டானே... ஆஹா பொண்டாட்டி தான் மெசேஜ் அனுப்பியிருக்கா!! இன்னும் கல்யாணமே ஆகல, அதுக்குள்ள லவ்வரு நம்பர "பொண்டாட்டி"ன்னு ஸ்டோர் பண்ணி வச்சிருக்கான். ஆமா என்ன அனுப்பியிருக்கா..?

"செல்லம் தூங்கிட்டியாடா?"

அடிப்பாவி நடுராத்திரி ரெண்டு மணிக்கு தூங்காம மெகா சீரியலா பார்த்துகிட்டிருப்பாங்க!
ஆஹா பதில் அனுப்ப தொடங்கிட்டாண்டா

"ஆமா செல்லம் இப்ப தான் தூங்கினேன்.கனவுல நீ தான் வந்த. ரெண்டு பேரும் சுவிஸ்ல டூயட் பாடிக்கிட்டிருந்தோம்."

டேய்,சத்தியமா சொல்லு உன் கனவில் அவளாடா வந்தா! கடலை முட்டாயிலிருந்து காம்ப்ளான் வரை கடன் சொல்லி வாங்கின கடைக்காரர் + கடன்காரர் கந்தசாமி தான வந்தாரு! ஏன்டா என்னையும் பொய் சொல்ல வக்குற.
.

கீய்ங் கீய்ங்.. கீய்ங் கீய்ங்..
பதில் வந்துடுச்சுடா. அவ இவனுக்கு மேல படுத்துவாளே, என்ன சொல்லியிருக்கா
!

"உன் கனவுல நான் என்ன கலர் டிரெஸ் போட்டிருந்தேன்?"

ஆமாடி, ரொம்ப முக்கியம்! என்ன டிரெஸ் போட்டிருந்த, லிப்ஸ்டிக் சரியா இருந்திச்சா!
எல்லாம் வரிசையா கேளு!

" டார்லிங், நீயும் நானும் ஒயிட் டிரெஸ் போட்டிருந்தோம். நீ தேவதை மாதிரி இருந்த.."

டேய் நீ தேவதைய முன்னப் பின்ன பாத்திருக்கியாடா! ஒயிட் டிரெஸ்ல ரெண்டு பேரும் பேய் மாதிரி இருந்திருப்பீங்கடா!

"டேய் புருஷா.. எனக்கு தூக்கம் வர மாட்டீங்கு! நா என்ன பண்ண?
"

ஆங்.. நல்லா வாயில வருது. ஏதாவது சொல்லிப்புடுவேன். உடம்பு, கீ-பேடுல்லாம் வலிக்குதுடா சாமி! பேயெல்லாம் பிஸியா அலையற நேரத்துல என்னடா ரொமான்ஸ் வேண்டிக் கிடக்கு.. அடங்குங்கடா!

"என் பேரை மந்திரம் மாதிரி சொல்லிக்கிட்டே கண்ணை மூடி தியானம் பண்ணு. அப்படியே தூங்கிடுவ! அப்புறமா உன் கனவுல வந்து உன்னை நான் தாலாட்டுவேன். உம்ம்ம்ம்ம்மா!"

ச்சீ.. தூ.. எச்சி எச்சி! உம்மான்னு அடிச்சா போதாதா.. அந்த எழவை எனக்கு வேற
கொடுக்கணுமா, கருமம் கருமம். ஆமா என்ன சொன்ன உன் பேரை மந்திரம் மாதிரி சொல்லணுமா, உனக்கே இது ஓவராத் தெரியல. அதெல்லாம் சொன்னா தூக்கம் வராதுடா, உன்னால தான் தூக்கம் கெட்டுப் போச்சுன்னு வெறுப்புத்தான் வரும். லூசுப்பய! இதுக்கு அந்த மடச்சி என்ன அனுப்புறான்னு பார்ப்போம்.

" ஏய், எனக்கு உன் பேரைச் சொன்னா தூக்கம் வரல, வெட்கம் வெட்கமா வருது!"

எனக்கு வேதனை வேதனையா வருது. எப்படா தூங்குவீங்க! தினமும் இதே தலை வேதனையாப் போச்சு! 'கண்ணை படைத்து பெண்ணை படைத்த இறைவனை விட செல்லைப் படைத்து ப்ரீ எஸ்.எம்.எஸ்ஸை படைத்த மனுசன் தான் கொடியவன்'
போன ஜென்மத்துல ஆந்தையா இருந்துருப்பாங்க போல!

"செல்லம், என்னை உனக்கு எவ்வளவு பிடிக்கும்?"

" உலக வங்கியில இந்தியா வச்சிருக்கிற கடன் தொகையைவிட அதிகமாப் பிடிக்கும். என்னை உனக்கு எவ்வளவுடா பிடிக்கும்?"

கடன்காரி, உதாரணம் சொல்ல வேற விஷயமே கிடைக்கலையா, நம்மாளு என்ன சொல்லுறான்னு பார்ப்போம்.

" முதல் டீச்சர். முதல் சம்பளம். முதல் கவிதை. முதல் காதல்... இதையெல்லாம் யாராவது எவ்வளவு பிடிக்கும்னு அளந்து சொல்ல முடியுமாடி! நீதான் என் முதல் காதல்"

டேய் அளக்காதடா! ரெண்டு மாசத்துக்கு முன்னாடி இன்னொரு நம்பருக்கும் இதே மெசேஜைத் தான நீ அனுப்புன. நடத்து,நடத்து ! எனக்கு மட்டும் உண்மையை அனுப்புற சக்தி இருந்தா மவனே செத்தடா நீ!

(அரை மணி நேரம் கழித்து, அந்த இளைஞன் ஒன்பதாவது முறையாக குட்நைட் சொல்லிவிட்டு 'சாட்'டை முடிக்கிறான்.)

முடிச்சிட்டாங்களா! என்னது இவன் திருப்பி எதோ நோண்டுறான். ஓ.. என்னை எழுப்பச் சொல்லி அலாரம் வக்கப் போறானா.. எத்தனை மணிக்கு? அடப்பாவி உலகத்துலயே பகல் பன்னிரெண்டு மணிக்கு அலாரம் வைச்சு எந்திரிக்கிற ஒரே ஜீவராசி நீதாண்டா! அதுவரைக்கும் 'பொண்டாட்டி' திருப்பி 'சாட்'டுக்கு வராம இருந்தா சரிதான்.

(காலை பதினொரு மணி..)

அட என்னமோ குறுகுறுங்குதே.. ஓ எதோ ரிமைண்டர் செட் பண்ணி வச்சிருக்கான்.

" இன்று திங்கள்கிழமை பல் தேய்க்க வேண்டும்."

அட நாத்தம் புடிச்சவனே! ரிமைண்டர் சிஸ்டத்தை கண்டுபிடிச்சவருக்கு இந்த விஷயம்
தெரிஞ்சா 'ஏன்டா இப்படி ஒரு சிஸ்டத்தைக் கண்டுபிடிச்சோம்'னு தன்னைத் தானே அடிச்சுக்குவான்.விட்டா 'பல் தேய்ச்சதுக்கப்புறம் வாய் கொப்பளிக்க வேண்டும்'னு கூட ரிமைண்டர் வைப்படா நீ! டேய் எவ்வளவு நேரம் தாண்டா கத்துறது. தொண்டை வலிக்குது.
எழுந்திரிச்சுத் தொலைடா. அடப்பாவி ரிமைண்டரை ஆப் பண்ணிட்டு தூங்க ஆரம்பிச்சுட்டானே! அப்ப இன்னிக்கும் பல்லைத் தேய்க்க மாட்டான் போல!
டேய் நீ பல்லைத் தேய்க்க வேண்டாம்டா! எனக்கு சாப்பாடு போடு. பேட்டரில சார்ஜ் தீர்ந்துடுச்சு! சார்ஜர்ல போடுறா! இவன் காதுல எங்க விழப்போகுது. சோம்பேறி!

(அரை மணி நேரம் கழித்து, இன்கம்மிங் கால் வருகிறது.)

'நந்தவனத்தில் ஓர் ஆண்டி..'(ரிங்க்டோன் ஒலிக்கிறது)

அவனவன் என்னன்னமோ லேட்டஸ்ட் டோன் வைச்சு அசத்திக்கிட்டிருக்கான். கஞ்சப் பய! ரிங்டோனைப் பாரு. நந்தவனத்தில் ஆண்டியாம். டேய் போனை எடுடா, யாரோ கூப்பிடுறாங்க! அப்பாடா எழுந்திரிச்சிட்டான்.

"ஹலோ.. ஆங்.. குட் மார்னிங் சார்.. கண்டிப்பா.. இன்னிக்கு கண்டிப்பா முடிச்சிரலாம் சார்.. இல்ல சார்.. ஆமா கொஞ்சம் பிஸி தான்.. ஒரு மீட்டிங்ல இருக்கேன்.. ப்ளீஸ் அப்புறமா பேசலாம் சார். ஓ.கே"

தலையெழுத்து இவன் பண்ணுற கூத்துக்கெல்லாம் நாமளும் உடந்தையா இருக்க வேண்டியிருக்கே! மணி பன்னிரெண்டு ஆக இன்னும் 5 செகண்டுதான் இருக்கு.
அலாரமா அலறக்கூட என் உடம்புல சக்தியே இல்ல! நீ தூங்கிக்கிட்டே இரு.
நானும் தூங்.........
(செல் ஸ்விட்ச் ஆப் ஆகிறது.)

NOV

2nd September 2009, 07:24 AM

Good Evening, Ladies and Gentlemen

A friend was lecturing in Latin America. He was going to use a translator, but to identify with his audience, he wanted to begin his talk by saying in Spanish, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." He arrived at the auditorium a little early and realized he did not know the Spanish words for ladies and gentlemen. Being rather resourceful, he went to the part of the building where the restrooms were, looked at the signs on the two doors, and memorized those two words.

When the audience arrived and he was introduced, he stood up and said in Spanish, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen."

The audience was shocked. He didn't know whether he had offended them or perhaps they hadn't heard him or understood him. So he decided to repeat it. Again in Spanish he said, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen."

One person in the audience began to snicker. Pretty soon the entire audience was laughing. Finally, someone told him that he had said, "Good evening, bathrooms and broom closets!"

suvai

2nd September 2009, 07:34 AM

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Sarna

2nd September 2009, 09:01 AM

ajithfederer

2nd September 2009, 09:03 AM

:rotfl:

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.

2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.

3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some or all of THE RULES.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The Female can change her mind at any given time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without the express, written consent of The Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.

14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.

15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.

16. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.

17. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5

Sarna

2nd September 2009, 09:19 AM

male chauvinism :sigh2:

Sarna

2nd September 2009, 09:24 AM

படிச்சு பாருங்க: விழுந்து விழுந்து சிரிப்பீங்க

செல் பேசும் வார்த்தைகள்***

(எல்லாத்துக்கும் மனசுன்னு ஒன்னு உண்டு. அப்பிடிங்கறப்போ பலர் தங்களோட செல்லமா நினைச்சுக்கிட்டிருக்கிற செல்போனுக்குன்னு ஒரு மனசு இருக்காதா என்ன.. ஒரு இளைஞன்.. அவனது செல்போன் மனம் விட்டு பேசினால் எப்படி இருக்கும்! செல் பேசும் வார்த்தைகளாகவே எண்ணிப் படிக்கவும்.)

கீய்ங் கீய்ங்.. கீய்ங் கீய்ங்.. (மெசேஜ் ஒன்று வந்தடைகிறது.)

செல் : நிம்மதியா தூங்க வுடுறாங்களா.. சாமத்துல யாருக்கு என்ன கொள்ளை போகுதுன்னு தெரியல.. இந்த நேரத்துல என்ன மெசேஜ் வேண்டி கிடக்கு? இப்ப இவன் எழுந்து பார்ப்பான். அப்புறம் விடிய விடிய சாட் தான். என்ன பொழப்பு இது! ஆஹா எந்திரிசிட்டான்யா.. என்னை கையில் எடுத்துட்டானே... ஆஹா பொண்டாட்டி தான் மெசேஜ் அனுப்பியிருக்கா!! இன்னும் கல்யாணமே ஆகல, அதுக்குள்ள லவ்வரு நம்பர "பொண்டாட்டி"ன்னு ஸ்டோர் பண்ணி வச்சிருக்கான். ஆமா என்ன அனுப்பியிருக்கா..?

"செல்லம் தூங்கிட்டியாடா?"

அடிப்பாவி நடுராத்திரி ரெண்டு மணிக்கு தூங்காம மெகா சீரியலா பார்த்துகிட்டிருப்பாங்க!
ஆஹா பதில் அனுப்ப தொடங்கிட்டாண்டா

"ஆமா செல்லம் இப்ப தான் தூங்கினேன்.கனவுல நீ தான் வந்த. ரெண்டு பேரும் சுவிஸ்ல டூயட் பாடிக்கிட்டிருந்தோம்."

டேய்,சத்தியமா சொல்லு உன் கனவில் அவளாடா வந்தா! கடலை முட்டாயிலிருந்து காம்ப்ளான் வரை கடன் சொல்லி வாங்கின கடைக்காரர் + கடன்காரர் கந்தசாமி தான வந்தாரு! ஏன்டா என்னையும் பொய் சொல்ல வக்குற.
.

கீய்ங் கீய்ங்.. கீய்ங் கீய்ங்..
பதில் வந்துடுச்சுடா. அவ இவனுக்கு மேல படுத்துவாளே, என்ன சொல்லியிருக்கா
!

"உன் கனவுல நான் என்ன கலர் டிரெஸ் போட்டிருந்தேன்?"

ஆமாடி, ரொம்ப முக்கியம்! என்ன டிரெஸ் போட்டிருந்த, லிப்ஸ்டிக் சரியா இருந்திச்சா!
எல்லாம் வரிசையா கேளு!

" டார்லிங், நீயும் நானும் ஒயிட் டிரெஸ் போட்டிருந்தோம். நீ தேவதை மாதிரி இருந்த.."

டேய் நீ தேவதைய முன்னப் பின்ன பாத்திருக்கியாடா! ஒயிட் டிரெஸ்ல ரெண்டு பேரும் பேய் மாதிரி இருந்திருப்பீங்கடா! :rotfl3:

"டேய் புருஷா.. எனக்கு தூக்கம் வர மாட்டீங்கு! நா என்ன பண்ண?
"

ஆங்.. நல்லா வாயில வருது. ஏதாவது சொல்லிப்புடுவேன். உடம்பு, கீ-பேடுல்லாம் வலிக்குதுடா சாமி! பேயெல்லாம் பிஸியா அலையற நேரத்துல என்னடா ரொமான்ஸ் வேண்டிக் கிடக்கு.. அடங்குங்கடா!

"என் பேரை மந்திரம் மாதிரி சொல்லிக்கிட்டே கண்ணை மூடி தியானம் பண்ணு. அப்படியே தூங்கிடுவ! அப்புறமா உன் கனவுல வந்து உன்னை நான் தாலாட்டுவேன். உம்ம்ம்ம்ம்மா!"

ச்சீ.. தூ.. எச்சி எச்சி! உம்மான்னு அடிச்சா போதாதா.. அந்த எழவை எனக்கு வேற
கொடுக்கணுமா, கருமம் கருமம். ஆமா என்ன சொன்ன உன் பேரை மந்திரம் மாதிரி சொல்லணுமா, உனக்கே இது ஓவராத் தெரியல. அதெல்லாம் சொன்னா தூக்கம் வராதுடா, உன்னால தான் தூக்கம் கெட்டுப் போச்சுன்னு வெறுப்புத்தான் வரும். லூசுப்பய! இதுக்கு அந்த மடச்சி என்ன அனுப்புறான்னு பார்ப்போம்.

" ஏய், எனக்கு உன் பேரைச் சொன்னா தூக்கம் வரல, வெட்கம் வெட்கமா வருது!"

எனக்கு வேதனை வேதனையா வருது. எப்படா தூங்குவீங்க! தினமும் இதே தலை வேதனையாப் போச்சு! 'கண்ணை படைத்து பெண்ணை படைத்த இறைவனை விட செல்லைப் படைத்து ப்ரீ எஸ்.எம்.எஸ்ஸை படைத்த மனுசன் தான் கொடியவன்'
போன ஜென்மத்துல ஆந்தையா இருந்துருப்பாங்க போல!

"செல்லம், என்னை உனக்கு எவ்வளவு பிடிக்கும்?"

" உலக வங்கியில இந்தியா வச்சிருக்கிற கடன் தொகையைவிட அதிகமாப் பிடிக்கும். என்னை உனக்கு எவ்வளவுடா பிடிக்கும்?"

கடன்காரி, உதாரணம் சொல்ல வேற விஷயமே கிடைக்கலையா, நம்மாளு என்ன சொல்லுறான்னு பார்ப்போம்.

" முதல் டீச்சர். முதல் சம்பளம். முதல் கவிதை. முதல் காதல்... இதையெல்லாம் யாராவது எவ்வளவு பிடிக்கும்னு அளந்து சொல்ல முடியுமாடி! நீதான் என் முதல் காதல்"

டேய் அளக்காதடா! ரெண்டு மாசத்துக்கு முன்னாடி இன்னொரு நம்பருக்கும் இதே மெசேஜைத் தான நீ அனுப்புன. நடத்து,நடத்து ! எனக்கு மட்டும் உண்மையை அனுப்புற சக்தி இருந்தா மவனே செத்தடா நீ!

(அரை மணி நேரம் கழித்து, அந்த இளைஞன் ஒன்பதாவது முறையாக குட்நைட் சொல்லிவிட்டு 'சாட்'டை முடிக்கிறான்.)

முடிச்சிட்டாங்களா! என்னது இவன் திருப்பி எதோ நோண்டுறான். ஓ.. என்னை எழுப்பச் சொல்லி அலாரம் வக்கப் போறானா.. எத்தனை மணிக்கு? அடப்பாவி உலகத்துலயே பகல் பன்னிரெண்டு மணிக்கு அலாரம் வைச்சு எந்திரிக்கிற ஒரே ஜீவராசி நீதாண்டா! அதுவரைக்கும் 'பொண்டாட்டி' திருப்பி 'சாட்'டுக்கு வராம இருந்தா சரிதான்.

(காலை பதினொரு மணி..)

அட என்னமோ குறுகுறுங்குதே.. ஓ எதோ ரிமைண்டர் செட் பண்ணி வச்சிருக்கான்.

" இன்று திங்கள்கிழமை பல் தேய்க்க வேண்டும்."

அட நாத்தம் புடிச்சவனே! ரிமைண்டர் சிஸ்டத்தை கண்டுபிடிச்சவருக்கு இந்த விஷயம்
தெரிஞ்சா 'ஏன்டா இப்படி ஒரு சிஸ்டத்தைக் கண்டுபிடிச்சோம்'னு தன்னைத் தானே அடிச்சுக்குவான்.விட்டா 'பல் தேய்ச்சதுக்கப்புறம் வாய் கொப்பளிக்க வேண்டும்'னு கூட ரிமைண்டர் வைப்படா நீ! டேய் எவ்வளவு நேரம் தாண்டா கத்துறது. தொண்டை வலிக்குது.
எழுந்திரிச்சுத் தொலைடா. அடப்பாவி ரிமைண்டரை ஆப் பண்ணிட்டு தூங்க ஆரம்பிச்சுட்டானே! அப்ப இன்னிக்கும் பல்லைத் தேய்க்க மாட்டான் போல!
டேய் நீ பல்லைத் தேய்க்க வேண்டாம்டா! எனக்கு சாப்பாடு போடு. பேட்டரில சார்ஜ் தீர்ந்துடுச்சு! சார்ஜர்ல போடுறா! இவன் காதுல எங்க விழப்போகுது. சோம்பேறி!

(அரை மணி நேரம் கழித்து, இன்கம்மிங் கால் வருகிறது.)

'நந்தவனத்தில் ஓர் ஆண்டி..'(ரிங்க்டோன் ஒலிக்கிறது)

அவனவன் என்னன்னமோ லேட்டஸ்ட் டோன் வைச்சு அசத்திக்கிட்டிருக்கான். கஞ்சப் பய! ரிங்டோனைப் பாரு. நந்தவனத்தில் ஆண்டியாம். டேய் போனை எடுடா, யாரோ கூப்பிடுறாங்க! அப்பாடா எழுந்திரிச்சிட்டான்.

"ஹலோ.. ஆங்.. குட் மார்னிங் சார்.. கண்டிப்பா.. இன்னிக்கு கண்டிப்பா முடிச்சிரலாம் சார்.. இல்ல சார்.. ஆமா கொஞ்சம் பிஸி தான்.. ஒரு மீட்டிங்ல இருக்கேன்.. ப்ளீஸ் அப்புறமா பேசலாம் சார். ஓ.கே"

தலையெழுத்து இவன் பண்ணுற கூத்துக்கெல்லாம் நாமளும் உடந்தையா இருக்க வேண்டியிருக்கே! மணி பன்னிரெண்டு ஆக இன்னும் 5 செகண்டுதான் இருக்கு.
அலாரமா அலறக்கூட என் உடம்புல சக்தியே இல்ல! நீ தூங்கிக்கிட்டே இரு.
நானும் தூங்.........
(செல் ஸ்விட்ச் ஆப் ஆகிறது.)

:rotfl3: :rotfl3:

cell phone Goundamani+vivek fan pOla :)

jaaze

2nd September 2009, 09:31 AM

cell phone Goundamani+vivek fan pOla :)adhe adhe.. :thumbsup:

ajithfederer

2nd September 2009, 09:42 AM

Treat it as a joke, Sarna.

male chauvinism :sigh2:

Sarna

2nd September 2009, 11:30 AM

Wonderful one minute...

One smart Software engineer and his Project Manager were traveling towards Pune in a train.
Just Opposite to their seat, a beautiful girl was sitting along with her grand ma.
With in some time, Eye-Eye interactions started between Our Software engineer & that girl.

After some minutes, train started moving in to a tunnel and it was very dark.
Suddenly, every body heard a Kiss sound followed by a sound of slapping.
Every body remained silent, when the train came out of the tunnel.

Grand ma thought that," The Guy is a rogue; how dare he is? He has kissed my grand daughter! But my Grand daughter is genuine; she immediately slapped that guy."

PM thought that," I can't believe that this guy has kissed that girl! But it is unfair that she slapped me by mistake"

That girl thought that," I feel happy, when that guy kissed me, but I feel sorry that my grand ma has slapped him".

Finally, the Software engineer thought?

"This one minute in my life is wonderful, it hardly comes...because, at a time I have kissed a girl and also I have slapped my PM."

2nd September 2009, 05:50 PM

Sarna

2nd September 2009, 05:56 PM

ts, so u r a female :)

being a female, hw r u able to enjoy those craps :huh:

Thalafanz

2nd September 2009, 05:57 PM

ts, so u r a female :)

being a female, hw r u able to enjoy those craps :huh:

Sarna, as Feddy said earlier, treat it as a joke... :)

3rd September 2009, 04:03 PM

ts, so u r a female :)

being a female, hw r u able to enjoy those craps :huh:

I want to think you are wrong and i am right ... but point 17 puts me back to point 5. :think: :banghead:

app_engine

4th September 2009, 01:46 AM

http://www.dinamalar.com/piraithalkal/ananthavikadannewsdetail.asp?news_id=216&dt=09-04-09

Some good ones in this link...

crazy

4th September 2009, 02:27 AM

padmanabha

4th September 2009, 01:02 PM

:D
He is a Malayali working for a multinational company in
Mumbai.

Not well educated and he is working as a peon there.

Whenever Kuttappan hears somebody talk he will come in
between them and saying

that I know that very well I know him very well like that.

One day Kuttappan's Boss a foreign educated person
& a North Indian was talking

something about Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Kuttappan was passing thru that way,suddenly he came in
between saying that

'oh Arnee.... he is my best friend'.

Kuttapan's boss laughed at him saying that how can u be
a friend of

Arnold Schwarzenegger? ? you are only a peon living in India
...

Kuttappan said if u wont believe its your problem I cant
help you. Ok.

The Manager said I am going on a trip to US next week you
come as my assistant

and we will go to Arnold 's house and see what happens.

Kuttappan agreed with a smile.

A week after they landed in US.

First they went to New York.Arnold was there in NY.

And They went to meet Arnold .

Seeing Kuttappan Arnold ran towards Kuttappan and hugged
him

and askd that hey Kuttappan... . long time no see where were
u man????

Kuttappan went with Arnold to have some coffee.

Boss was stunned.

When Kuttappan came back the boss told him that

we will go to Clintons place. Let's find out whether u
know him or not.
Kuttappan agreed with a smile.

At Clinton 's home Clinton also did the same as
Schwarzenegger

asking that where were you my friend for long time?

Kuttappan went to have tea with Clinton while the boss was
sitting out side the gate

When Kuttappan came back boss said I have to go to Vatican

to get blessings from Pope John Paul,so u come with me.

At the Vatican crowd from all over the world

is waiting to see Pope John Paul.
Kuttappan and his boss are also there.

Boss asked Kuttappan, do you know Pope John Paul.??
Kuttappan said 'Y Not....????'

Boss told Kuttappan that he will not believe this.

Kuttappan asked boss to wait for some time and went inside
the crowd.

After 15 minutes Kuttappan came on the balcony along with
Pope John Paul.

Pope John Paul was holding Kuttappan's hand.

Kuttappan's boss became unconscious and fell down.

When Kuttappan came back his boss was on a stretcher

by his side nurses and paramedics

Kuttappan asked Sir what happened.??

Then boss told; Kuttappaaa.. u know Arnold I believe,

u know Clinton I believe and

u know Pope John Paul I believe that toooo...

BUT U KNOW WHEN U CAME WITH POPE AT THE BALCONY

THE CROWD WERE ASKING

' WHO IS HOLDING THE HAND OF KUTTAPPAN ..????'

after hearing that I became unconscious.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
Please don't delete this after reading,

You should atleast send this mail to:
10 Malayalis & you will receive coconut oil,

20 Malayalis and you will receive banana chips,

40 Malayalis you will receive appams,

100 Malayalis and you will get free land near the rice field

behind the lungi factory with additional incentive of a whole month's supply
of coconut oil and banana chips free

app_engine

28th September 2009, 09:35 PM

http://www.dinamalar.com/piraithalkal/kumudamnewsdetail.asp?News_id=254&dt=09-28-09

Vivek is funnier off-screen :-)

P_R

2nd October 2009, 04:47 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2a8TRSgzZY&feature=rec-LGOUT-exp_fresh+div-HM

app_engine

2nd October 2009, 07:29 PM

Portion of a forwarded mail (which makes fun of IT projects in the form of a father-son conversation where the son is a developer)

"சரி ப்ராஜெக்ட் உங்க கைல வந்த உடனே என்ன பண்ணுவீங்க?"
"முதல்ல ஒரு டீம் உருவாக்குவோம். இதுல ப்ராஜக்ட் மேனேஜர்னு ஒருத்தர் இருப்பாரு. இவரது தான் பெரிய தலை. ப்ராஜெக்ட் சக்சஸ் ஆனாலும், ஃபெயிலியர் ஆனாலும் இவரு தான் பொறுப்பு."
"அப்போ இவருக்கு நீங்க எல்லாரும் பண்ற வேலை எல்லாம் தெரியும்னு சொல்லு."
"அதான் கிடையாது. இவருக்கு நாங்க பண்ற எதுவும்யே தெரியாது."
"அப்போ இவருக்கு என்னதான் வேலை?" - அப்பா குழம்பினார்.
"நாங்க என்ன தப்பு பண்ணினாலும் இவர பார்த்து கைய நீட்டுவோம். எப்போ எவன் குழி பறிப்பானு டென்ஷன் ஆகி டயர்ட் ஆகி டென்ஷன் ஆகுறது தான் இவரு வேலை."
"பாவம்பா"
"ஆனா இவரு ரொம்ப நல்லவரு. எங்களுக்கு எந்த பிரச்னை வந்தாலும் இவரு கிட்ட போய் சொல்லலாம்."
"எல்லா பிரச்னையும் தீர்த்து வச்சிடுவார?"
"ஒரு பிரச்சனைய கூட தீர்க்க மாட்டாரு. நாங்க என்ன சொன்னாலும் தலையாட்டிகிட்டே உன்னோட பிரச்னை எனக்கு புரியுதுனு சொல்றது மட்டும் தான் இவரோட வேலை."
"நான் உன்னோட அம்மா கிட்ட பண்றது மாதிரி?!"
"இவருக்கு கீழ டெக் லீட், மோடுல் லீட், டெவலப்பர், டெஸ்டர்னு நிறைய அடி பொடிங்க இருப்பாங்க."
"இத்தனை பேரு இருந்து, எல்லாரும் ஒழுங்கா வேலை செஞ்சா வேலை ஈஸியா முடிஞ்சிடுமே?"
"வேலை செஞ்சா தானே? நான் கடைசியா சொன்னேன் பாருங்க... டெவலப்பர், டெஸ்டர்னு, அவங்க மட்டும் தான் எல்லா வேலையும் செய்வாங்க. அதுலையும் இந்த டெவலப்பர்,வேலைக்கு சேரும் போதே "இந்த குடும்பத்தோட மானம், மரியாதை உன்கிட்ட தான் இருக்குனு" சொல்லி, நெத்தில திருநீறு பூசி அனுப்பி வச்ச என்னைய மாதிரி தமிழ் பசங்க தான் அதிகம் இருப்பாங்க."
"அந்த டெஸ்டர்னு எதோ சொன்னியே? அவங்களுக்கு என்னப்பா வேலை?"
"இந்த டெவலப்பர் பண்ற வேலைல குறை கண்டு பிடிக்கறது இவனோட வேலை. புடிக்காத மருமக கை பட்டா குத்தம், கால் பட்டா குத்தம் இங்குறது மாதிரி."
"ஒருத்தன் பண்ற வேலைல குறை கண்டு பிடிகுறதுக்கு சம்பளமா? புதுசா தான் இருக்கு. சரி இவங்களாவது வேலை செய்யுராங்களா. சொன்ன தேதிக்கு வேலைய முடிச்சு கொடுத்துடுவீங்கள்ள?"
"அது எப்படி..? சொன்ன தேதிக்கு ப்ராஜக்டை முடிச்சி கொடுத்தா, அந்தக் குற்ற உணர்ச்சி எங்க வாழ்கை முழுவதும் உறுத்திக்கிட்டு இருக்கும். நிறைய பேரு அந்த அவமானத்துக்கு பதிலா தற்கொலை செய்துக்கலாம்னு சொல்லுவாங்க"

app_engine

3rd October 2009, 09:12 PM

A comment on the Jubak's article on msn money (on american economy recovery efforts)

We should not be counting on too much credit from banks however. You know what happens when you live on credit: It is the month of August; a resort town sits next to the shores of a lake. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted.

It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.

He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 dollar bill on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.

The hotel proprietor takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.

The Butcher takes the 100 dollar bill, and runs to pay his debt to the pig raiser.

The pig raiser takes the 100 dollar bill, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.

The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her "services" on credit.

The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 dollar bill to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.

The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 dollar bill back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.

At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 dollar bill, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.

No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism .

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is doing business today.

rangan_08

8th October 2009, 06:40 PM

[tscii]
Recd. a funny mail from one of my friends. I’m sure it’s a hoax, but just go ahead & read it – you’ll go crazy.

Reproducing the content, below :
In Tamilnadu , there is a well known person by name , Mr. Jappier, Chairman of Sathyabama deemed university and some more self financing colleges , always speaks in English. That college students have collected & published a book by name "Jappier's Spoken English"
... Njoy ...........with his..............English..............

Now , here are some classic English sentences from the great
"Jappier's Spoken English"

# At the ground:
All of you stand in a straight circle.
There is no wind in the balloon.
The girl with the mirror please comes her...{Means: girl with specs please come here).

# While punishing students:
-----------------------
You , rotate the ground four times...
You , go and understand the tree...
You three of you stand together separately.
Why are you late - say YES or NO .....(?)

# While addressing students about Dress Code: (he is very strict about this )
-----------------------
Every body should wear dress to college
Boys no proplum
Girls are pig proplum . (pig=big)
Girls should wear only salwar no nitee.
Girls should not wear T sirt , U shirt , V shirt.. but if you want to wear .... remove it when inside the campus and put it out side the campus

# Sir at his best:
---------------
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance , he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre , though the boy did not see them.
So the next day at school... ( to that boy) - "Yesterday I saw you
WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre

# Sir at his best inside the Class room:
----------------------------------------------
Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Cut an apple into two halves - I will take the bigger half.
Shhh...Quiet , boys...the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor
You , meet me behind the class. (Meaning AFTER the class..)
This one is cool >> "Both of u three get out of the class."
Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today...
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
Take 5 cm wire of any length....

# Last but not the least, some Jeppiar experiences ...

Once Sir had come late to a college function , by the time he reached , the function had begun , so he went to the dais , and said , sorry I am late , because on the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).

# At Sathyabama college day 2002:

"This college strict u the worry no .... U get good marks , I the happy , tomorrow u get good job , jpr the happy , tomorrow u marry I the enjoy"

# At St. Josephs college of engineering fresh years day 2003:

"No ragging this college. Anybody rag we arrest the police "

( I the read, very very laughing. You read also the falling down falling down laughing ).

joe

8th October 2009, 07:18 PM

:rotfl:

P_R

8th October 2009, 07:28 PM

NOV

8th October 2009, 07:38 PM

rangan
http://forumhub.mayyam.com/hub/viewtopic.php?p=1530351#1530351

:lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

joe

8th October 2009, 07:42 PM

Some of these are cooked up and/or general jokes attributed to him.

Here is a video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eq02OOzo1YE&feature=related)which includes stumpers like

Almost all the students brotherhood important. Sister.
Among the brother of the sister....

:lol:

"Sathyabama Students ,where ever you can go .."

"neat dress ,smart walking ,smile " :lol:

Querida

16th October 2009, 01:23 AM

[tscii:692d16fa18]WOMEN WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE

Barbara Walters, of 20/20 (and 60 Minutes), did a story on gender roles in Kabul , Afghanistan , several years before the West became involved in the Afghan conflict.. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women are happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, “Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?”

The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, “Land Mines”.

[/tscii:692d16fa18]

Lambretta

16th October 2009, 10:42 PM

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
Please don't delete this after reading,

You should atleast send this mail to:
10 Malayalis & you will receive coconut oil,

20 Malayalis and you will receive banana chips,

40 Malayalis you will receive appams,

100 Malayalis and you will get free land near the rice field

behind the lungi factory with additional incentive of a whole month's supply
of coconut oil and banana chips free
And how many Malayalis do I have to send this to, in order to get a "family-type" mallu kutty of marriageable age in a lovely Kerala saree (or any Saree for that matter!) and mallipoo?? :P :wink: :lol:

Nice one anyways! :D

Lambretta

16th October 2009, 10:59 PM

Some of these are cooked up and/or general jokes attributed to him.

Here is a video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eq02OOzo1YE&feature=related)which includes stumpers like

Almost all the students brotherhood important. Sister.
Among the brother of the sister....
Now I know where Quick gun Murugun learnt his english......miind it!! :P :lol:

rangan_08

23rd October 2009, 07:59 PM

wife : ennanga, naan pregnant-a irukken

hus : adha yen ivvalavu sogama solra ? sandoshama sollu

wife : illa, idhey madhiri oru thadava college padikkumbodhu enga appa kitta sonnen,,, adi pinnitaru...adhan !!!

(courtesy, Ananda Vikatan)

rangan_08

24th October 2009, 02:02 PM

Some of these are cooked up and/or general jokes attributed to him.

Here is a video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eq02OOzo1YE&feature=related)which includes stumpers like

Almost all the students brotherhood important. Sister.
Among the brother of the sister....

:lol: :lol: idhu meyyalume meyya ??? Official-nu vera potirukku !!

First up all I am hearing this man's voice... :lol:

Stiff contender to TR !!

Plum

26th October 2009, 12:51 PM

Most of the Jeppiarr jokes are around since my childhood attributed to the fictitious PT master of a thousand schools. I suspect they were around during my father's school days as well.

To be fair, I often catch myself saying things similar to "both of you three". Very often, I see mails from clients all over the world saying "there are a couple of points about this", and then going on to list 10.

Bala (Karthik)

26th October 2009, 01:06 PM

Some of these are cooked up and/or general jokes attributed to him.

:exactly: Plum sonna madhiri PT master jokes. I think its a aggregation of all such PT master utterences but always attributed to "my PT master".

Here is a video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eq02OOzo1YE&feature=related)which includes stumpers like

Almost all the students brotherhood important. Sister.
Among the brother of the sister....
I thought of posting this video... this is ULTIMATE :rotfl3: :rotfl:

great

28th October 2009, 01:31 PM

P_R

28th October 2009, 01:35 PM

The completeness he has perceived in the single word sentence : Sister fullstop.

That is just impossibly funny :rotfl:

NOV

30th October 2009, 07:31 AM

Samy Vellu is a much despised "leader" of the Malaysian Indian Congress...

Samy Vellu and his driver, Muniandy, were cruising along a Sungai Siput country road one evening when an old dog loomed in front of the car.

Muniandy tried to avoid it but couldn't - the old dog was killed. Samy Vellu told Muniandy to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened.

About an hour later, Muniandy staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a bottle of expensive wine in one hand, an expensive Cuban cigar in the other and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

"What happened?" asked Samy Vellu.

"Well," Muniandy replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful twin daughters were so happy they kept kissing me!"

"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Samy Vellu.

Muniandy replied: "I'm Samy Vellu's driver, and I just killed the old dog."

P_R

1st November 2009, 01:23 PM

Stewie the great (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYtknTaMz8E&feature=related) :lol:

NOV

3rd November 2009, 10:01 AM

[tscii:02e0f9b9b2][/tscii:02e0f9b9b2]-- Honesty in advertising - a test case

Unable to attract even a single girl, frustrated man sues Axe

New Delhi. In what could prove to be a major marketing and legal
embarrassment for Hindustan Unilever Limited (HUL), a 26-year-old man has
filed a case against the FMCG company, which owns the Axe brand of men
grooming products, for ‘cheating’ and causing him ‘mental suffering’. The
plaintiff has cited his failure to attract any girl at all even though he’s
been using Axe products for over seven years now. Axe advertisements suggest
that the products help men in instantly attracting women.

Vaibhav Bedi, the petitioner, also surrendered all his used, unused and
half-used deodorant sprays, perfume sticks and roll-ons, anti-perspirants,
aftershaves, body washes, shampoos, and hair gels to the court, and demanded
a laboratory test of the products and narcotics test of the brand managers
of Axe. Vaibhav was pushed to take this step when his bai (maid) beat him
with a broom when he tried to impress her by appearing naked in front of her
after applying all the Axe products.

No girl ever asked Vaibhav to call her
“Where the heck is the Axe effect? I’ve been waiting for it for over seven
years. Right from my college to now in my office, no girl ever agreed to
even go out for a tea or coffee with me, even though I’m sure they could
smell my perfumes, deodorants and aftershaves. I always applied them in
abundance to make sure the girls get turned on as they show in the
television. Finally I thought I’d try to impress my lonely bai who had an
ugly fight with her husband and was living alone for over a year. Axe effect
my foot!” Vaibhav expressed his unhappiness.

Vaibhav claims that he had been using all the Axe products as per the
company’s instructions even since he first bought them. He argued that if he
couldn’t experience the Axe effect despite using the products as directed,
either the company was making false claims or selling fake products.

“I had always stored them in cool and dry place, and kept them away from
direct light or heat. I’d always use a ruler before applying the spray and
make sure that the distance between the nozzle and my armpit was at least 15
centimeters. I’d do everything they told. I even beat up my 5-year-old
nephew for coming near my closet, as they had instructed it to keep away
from children’s reach. And yet, all I get is a broom beating from my ugly
bai.” Vaibhav expressed his frustration.

Vaibhav claims that he had to do go a lot of mental suffering and public
humiliation due to the lack of Axe effect and wants HUL to compensate him
for this agony. An advocate in Karkardooma court, who happened to mistake
Vaibhav for some deodorant vendor when he entered the court premises with
all the bottles, has now offered to take up his case in the court. HUL has
been served a legal notice in this regard.

HUL has officially declined to comment on the case citing the subject to be
sub judice, but our sources inform that the company was worried over the
possible outcomes of the case. The company might argue that Vaibhav was
hopelessly unattractive and unintelligent and didn’t possess the bare
minimum requirements for the Axe effect to take place. Officially HUL has
not issued any statement, but legal experts believe that HUL could have
tough time convincing the court.

“HUL might be tempted to take that line of argument, but it is very risky.
There is no data to substantiate the supposition that unattractive and
unintelligent men don’t attract women. In fact some of the best looking
women have been known to marry and date absolutely ghoulish guys. I’d
suggest that the company settles this issue out of court.” noted lawyer Ram
Jhoothmalani said.

ksen

3rd November 2009, 10:32 AM

:rotfl3:

Really, somebody should actually sue these companies for these nauseating ads - May be that's why these shampoo ads and antibacterial soap / floor cleaner ads leave behind one tiny dandruff flake or one germ (:roll:) to safeguard themselves :D

NOV

10th November 2009, 07:24 AM

Finally, a definition of globalization that I can understand and to which I now can relate:

Question:

What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer:

Princess
Diana's
death.

Question:
How come?

Answer :

An
English princess
with an
Egyptian boyfriend

crashes
in a French tunnel,
driving a

German
car

with a
Dutch engine,

driven
by a Belgian

who was
drunk

on
Scottish whisky,
(check the bottle before you
change the spelling),

followed
closely by

Italian
Paparazzi,

on
Japanese motorcycles;

treated
by an American doctor,
using

Brazilian
medicines.

This is
sent to you by

a
Malaysian,

using
American
Bill Gates's technology,

and
you're probably reading
this on your computer,

that
uses Taiwanese chips,
and
a

Korean
monitor,

assembled
by

Bangladeshi
workers

in a
Singapore plant,

transported
by Indian
truck drivers,

hijacked
by Indonesians,

unloaded by
Sicilian longshoremen,

and
trucked to you by Mexican illegals.... .
.
..
.
.
.

That, my friends,
is Globalization

Dinesh84

20th November 2009, 09:57 AM

Two blondes were walking through the woods and they
came to some tracks.
The first blonde said "These look like deer tracks."
The other said, "No, they look like moose tracks."
They argued and argued and were still arguing when
the train hit them.

ksen

21st November 2009, 11:50 PM

Thoughts from Man's heart
Thought 1

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?

Thought 2

The average man's life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too where he is going.

Thought 3

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced :

'Ladies and Gentlemen. Today is the luckiest day of my life ...' Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, 'My daughter finally, finally returned my Credit Card to me.'

The whole audience including the priest started laughing . . . . . But not the poor Groom ! ! !

And now the Best one. . . . .

Thought 4

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, 'If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, 'Stop ! Stand still ! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.'

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. The man asked. 'Who are you?'

'I am your guardian angel,' the voice answered.

'Oh, yeah?' the man said 'And where the Hell were you when I got married?'

rangan_08

10th December 2009, 06:38 PM

A man went to a flower shop. The sign board read, " Say it with flowers ". He went and asked for a single flower and the shop keeper asked him, " why sir ? is this enough ? ". The man replied, " I am a man of few words ".

rangan_08

12th December 2009, 05:09 PM

dev

12th December 2009, 06:01 PM

:lol:

padmanabha

14th December 2009, 08:39 AM

Recently a photograph of this very sign board was published in Malayala Manorama.

Querida

17th December 2009, 09:33 AM

A man had two of the best tickets for the FA Cup Final. As he sits
down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat
next to him.

"No", he says, "the seat is empty.."

"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have
a seat like this for the FA Cup Final, the biggest sporting event of
the year, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed
to come with me, but she
passed away. This is the first Cup Final we
haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh... I'm sorry to hear that.
That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else, a friend or
relative or even a neighbour to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head... "No. They're all at her funeral."

NOV

17th December 2009, 11:24 AM

A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide.

The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord, have mercy. I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse, and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture again and replied, "Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

NOV

17th December 2009, 11:45 AM

Sridhar was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up towards heaven, he said "Murugaa, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Pazhani every year for the rest of my life and give up beer."

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Sridhar looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one."

NOV

17th December 2009, 02:18 PM

During a visit to the mental hospital, I asked the Director 'How do you determine whether or not a patient should be admitted to the hospital.'

'Well,' said the Director, 'We fill up a bathtub, and then we give a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' I said. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

'No.' Said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the drain plug. Well... Would you prefer a bed near the window?'

Nerd

17th December 2009, 09:55 PM

Querida

18th December 2009, 01:24 AM

jaaze

12th January 2010, 06:54 PM

[tscii:221d152d52]Somehow this made me :rotfl:

07:00 Pongal Seivathu Eppadi–Actress Namitha with Chef Jacob

http://www.sunnetwork.org/tvschedules/schedule.asp?passdate=1/14/2010&tv=sun[/tscii:221d152d52]

Dinesh84

13th January 2010, 11:08 AM

Fred's mother was on the telephone to the boy's dentist.
"I don't understand it," she complained, "I thought his treatment would only cost me $20, but you've charged me $80." "It is usually $20, ma'am," agreed the dentist, "but Fred yelled so loudly that three of my other patients ran away!"

hamid

13th January 2010, 11:29 AM

Thirumaran

13th January 2010, 01:40 PM

A man was caught bathing naked at the Courtrallam water falls. When enquired, he said that he acted according to the instructions written on the board. And the instruction read, " Ingu jattiyudan kulikka koodadhu "

:rotfl2:

nalla vaela naan kutraalam poanaboathu antha board kannula padala :|

hamid

13th January 2010, 01:48 PM

rangan_08

19th January 2010, 06:43 PM

Noticed the below " (bit) notice " in a city bus :

" Neengal uyaramaga valara venduma ?

Growth your height "

I really appreciate the " company " " owner's " drive (since it was a bus ( mokka) ) to promote his product.

But andha dealing enakku pudichirukku.

NOV

5th February 2010, 06:51 AM

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C. One from U.S., another from India and the third, from China.

They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The U.S. contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring.

Then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."

padmanabha

5th February 2010, 09:50 PM

Manure... An interesting fact

Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship

and it was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common.

It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas of course. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.
Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction ' Stow high in transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ' , (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word.

Neither did I.

I had always thought it was a golf term.

sathya_1979

15th February 2010, 02:05 PM

[tscii:f0c5649daa] [/tscii:f0c5649daa]**********************************************
Teacher: Name the liquid which changes to solid when heated
Tintumon: Dosa
**********************************************
Bus Cunductor: Why are you standing near the door, is your father a watchman?
Tintu Mon: Why are you always asking for “Change”, Is your father a Beggar ??
**********************************************
A professor to tintumon: “what is attention deficit hyperactive disorder?”
tintumon: “JAMBALAKDI PAMBA”
professor: “i dont understand anything”
tintumon: “same 2 you”
**********************************************
Tintumon: Im sleep with dad last night
Teacher corrects him: no..no..I slept with dad last night
.
.
Tintumon: so.. you came after I slept..?
**********************************************
Father to Tintumon: Why can't you not think every woman as your mother?
Tintumon: I can, but if i did so, what will people think of you?
**********************************************
To be is to do(Socrates)
To do is to be(Plato)
To be or not to be(Shakespeare)
Scoo be do be dooo(Tintu mon, LKG)……..
**********************************************
Teacher : What is “Al2 O3 ″ ?
Ramu : Alumina.
Teacher: Tintu, What is ‘Fe2 O3 ″ ?
Tintumon : “Filomina”
**********************************************
Teacher :What is the name of Gandhiji’s son?
Tintumon: Dineshan
Teacher :Why?????
Tintumon : Mahatma Gandhi is the father of di-neshan
**********************************************

ksen

15th February 2010, 02:29 PM

:lol:

NOV

12th March 2010, 07:16 PM

Two donkeys were talking about their owners. The first one said, "My owner is so harassing, he beats me often."

Second donkey: Why do not you leave your owner?

First donkey: I was thinking about the same. But, he has a very good looking daughter. And, whenever she does some mischievous acts, he says that he will get her married to some donkey?and, I am just waiting for that to happen.

Lambretta

12th March 2010, 09:45 PM

[tscii:56ee5fbe40]
Bus Cunductor: Why are you standing near the door, is your father a watchman?
Tintu Mon: Why are you always asking for “Change”, Is your father a Beggar ??

Teacher : What is “Al2 O3 ″ ?
Ramu : Alumina.
Teacher: Tintu, What is ‘Fe2 O3 ″ ?
Tintumon : “Filomina”
These 2 r classic, hilarious!! :rotfl: :thumbsup: :lol2: :D [/tscii:56ee5fbe40]

NOV

16th March 2010, 06:23 PM

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him on the head with a frying pan.

'What was that for?' the man asked.

The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.

The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.

Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.

Wife replied: 'Your Horse just phoned!!! '

ksen

17th March 2010, 10:53 AM

NOV

23rd March 2010, 08:02 PM

[tscii:b5f533a053][/tscii:b5f533a053]Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is our Ramasamy.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.
2000 people leave the room.

Ramasamy says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA, but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try !'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave.
2000 people leave the room.

Ramasamy says to himself 'I never managed anybody by myself, but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me ?' So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.
500 people leave the room.

Ramasamy says to himself, 'I left school at 15, but what have I got to lose ?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo-Croat to leave.
498 people leave the room.

Ramasamy says to himself, 'I do not speak one word of Serbo-Croat but what do I have to lose ?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate; Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo-Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Ramasamy turns to the other candidate and says 'endha ooru ? '

The other candidate answers… 'Thoothukudi pakkam.'

THEY GOT HIRED! :P

sathya_1979

23rd March 2010, 08:38 PM

Old one but still :rotfl:

ksen

23rd March 2010, 11:00 PM

:rotfl:

r2tchasi

26th March 2010, 10:17 AM

:rotfl:

AudazJay

26th March 2010, 11:29 AM

Four worms and a lesson to be learned!!!!

A priest decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead

Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation - What did you learn from this demonstration???

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

That pretty much ended the service!

AudazJay

26th March 2010, 11:38 AM

CATHOLIC COFFEE

There were four Catholic men and one Catholic woman having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room, everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well.....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,...........

Slim,

Tall,

38D breast,

24" waist,

34" hips.

When she walks into a room people say,

"Oh My God"

AudazJay

26th March 2010, 11:43 AM

Four Cats

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer,
The second man was an Accountant,
The third man was a Chemist, and
The fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat, 'T-square, do your stuff.' T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.' Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies. Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Measure, do your stuff.' Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk,
got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured
Exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government
Employee and said, 'What can your cat do?'

The Government Employee called his cat and said, 'CoffeeBreak, do your stuff..'

CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet.......
Ate the cookies........
Drank the milk.......
Sh*t on the paper.......
Screwed the other three cats.......
Claimed he injured his back while doing so.......
Filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.......
Put in for Workers Compensation...............and
Went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.............

AND THAT MY FRIEND, IS WHY EVERYONE
WANT'S TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!

NOV

27th March 2010, 08:09 AM

[tscii:1114cfee68][/tscii:1114cfee68]Julie comes home and tells her husband, Rick ,”Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.”

“No more headaches?” Rick asks, “What happened?”

Julie replies, “Gail referred me to a hypnotist and he told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself, and repeat: “I do not have a headache. I do not have a headache. I do not have a headache.”

Well, it worked! The headaches are all gone.”

“Well, that is wonderful.” proclaims Rick.

Julie then says, “You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years, why don’t you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?”

Reluctantly, Rick agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, Rick comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up Julie and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her down on the bed and says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before..

Julie says, “WOW! - that was wonderful!”

Rick’s says, “Don’t move! I will be right back.”

He goes back into the bathroom, comes back, and round two is even better than the first time.

Julie sits up and her head is spinning. “OH, MY GOD!” she proclaims.

Rick again says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

With that, he goes back into the bathroom.

This time, Julie quietly follows him into the bathroom. She sees him staring into the mirror and saying…

“She’s not my wife. She’s not my wife. She’s not my wife.”

His funeral service will be held Saturday.

NOV

27th March 2010, 08:36 AM

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.

As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."

"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you are really cute!"

AudazJay

31st March 2010, 01:04 PM

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party .

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to
climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line
Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best
friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ..What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment. '

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed.
He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago,
and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends!

Sudhaama

4th April 2010, 12:59 AM

.

.
First Name, Middle Name, Surname... Real Name?

http://beta.thehindu.com/opinion/open-page/article387414.ece

Courtesy: The Hindu

.

NOV

7th April 2010, 06:48 PM

A girl is at the weighing machine checking her weight. She weighed 58kg . Removes Sandal = 56. Then Dupatta = 52
She then realises that her coins had finished.
A boy in the queue behind her said, "Pls carry on, I have more coins for you!"

NOV

12th April 2010, 12:03 PM

Mohammed, an Arab child, entered his classroom on the first day of school in Ohio.

"What is your name?" - asked the teacher.

"Mohammed". . .. - answered the kid.

"You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny," -replied the teacher.

In the evening, Mohammed returned home. "How was your day, Mohammed?" - asked his mother.

"My name is not Mohammed. I'm in America and now my name is Johnny."

"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!" - and she beat him.

Then she called his father and he too beat him.

The next day Mohammed returned to school..

When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked, "What happened to you little Johnny"?

"Well ma'am, 4 hours after becoming an American, I was attacked by two Arabs."

groucho070

12th April 2010, 01:14 PM

During Easter sermon, the priest told the congregation this joke:

An old couple visits Jerusalem. Unfortunately, the wife dies during the trip. Now, it was question of getting her buried. If her body were to be brought back home, it will be expensive, plus the immigration headaches and all.

On the other hand, being buried in Jerusalem is easier to do, plus its a holy land, which is even more meaningful.

So, the friends around the old man asked him what would be his decision, the old dude said, "well, I want to bring her home"

The friends were aghast. Why? They asked. Why go through all the difficulties.

Old man: More than two thousand years ago, they buried a man here and he rose again on the third day. I don't want the same thing to happen.

rangan_08

17th April 2010, 04:04 PM

NOV

30th April 2010, 07:17 AM

If Vijayakanth movies are dubbed into English....
Some punch dialogues... :lol2:

You can study and get any certificates. But you cannot get your death certificate .

You may have AIRTEL or BSNL connection but when u sneeze you'll say HUTCH.

You can bcome an engineer if you study in
engineering college. You cannot become a president if you study in Presidency College.

You can expect a BUS from a BUS stop ... You
cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop.

A mechanical engineer can become a mechanic but a software engineer cannot become a software.

You can find tea in teacup. But cannot find world =in world cup.

You can find keys in Keyboard but yol cannot find mother in motherboard.

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

raagadevan

30th April 2010, 08:18 AM

NOV

30th April 2010, 08:32 AM

I guess you imagined VK mouthing those lines. :lol2:

Hopefully Honest doesnt see this. :shaking:

NOV

11th May 2010, 01:56 PM

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other
That is until I met your brother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue,

sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in, to smell this way?

10. My feelings for you, no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

NOV

11th May 2010, 05:44 PM

Hello God,

This year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer. Amen

-Amanda, Age 5

NOV

11th May 2010, 05:45 PM

Father: How did you fail the final exam?

Son: Under water

Aather: What do you mean?

Son :All below 'C' level

satissh_r

13th May 2010, 02:07 PM

Husband prayed and flung a penny into well. His wife leaned over and fell in the well. Husband smiled and said ' It really works!'

ilayapuyalvinodh_kumar

17th May 2010, 08:54 PM

Hello God,

This year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer. Amen

-Amanda, Age 5

:omg:...just five years and watching all these things....

Stiglitz

17th May 2010, 09:02 PM

ilayapuyalvinodh_kumar

27th May 2010, 02:06 AM

Aftr poor performance in T20 dhoni in girl dress and covers face wid shawl n sits in bus nxt 2 a girl

Girl: hi dhoni?

DHONI:how did knw?

Girl: Im YUVI

Dinesh84

9th June 2010, 03:22 PM

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together.
After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc.
- he placed the boy in the chair.
"I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said.
"I'll be back in a few minutes." When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy.
"He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"

Sarna

14th June 2010, 03:30 PM

(தி.மு) திருமணத்திற்கு முன்
(நிச்சயதார்த்தம் முடிந்தவுடன்)
கீழே படியுங்கள்

அவன் : ஆமாம், இதற்காகத்தானே நான் இத்தனை நாளாய்க் காத்திருந்தேன்.
அவள் : நீ என்னை விட்டு விலக நினைப்பாயா ?
அவன் : இல்லை, இல்லை, நான் கனவிலும் அதை நினைத்ததில்லை
அவள் : நீ என்னை விரும்புகிறாயா ?
அவன் : ஆமாம், இன்றும், என்றென்றும்
அவள் : என்னை ஏமாற்றிவிடுவாயா ?
அவன் : அதைவிட நான் இறப்பதே மேல்
அவள் : எனக்கொரு முத்தம் தருவாயா ?
அவன் : கண்டிப்பாக, அதுதானே எனக்கு மிகப் பெரிய சந்தோச தருணம்
அவள் : என்னை திட்டுவாயா ?
அவன் : ஒருபோதும் இல்லை. அப்படிச் செய்வேன் என்று நினைத்தாயா ?
அவள் : நீ என்னுடன் கடைசிவரை கைகோர்த்து வருவாயா ?

(தி.பி) திருமணத்திற்குப் பின்
கீழிருந்து மேலே படியுங்கள்

vithagan

14th June 2010, 10:55 PM

app_engine

15th June 2010, 07:49 PM

e-mail from college mate :

A man had great tickets for the World Cup Final. As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the empty seat next to him."No," he says. "The seat is empty.""This is incredible!" says the other man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event, and not use it?""Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married."Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral..."

VinodKumar's

15th June 2010, 08:03 PM

[tscii:e0d146f681]பெற்றோர்களால் நிச்சயிக்கப்பட்டு திருமணம் செய்த/செய்யப்போகும் அன்பு உள்ளங்களுக்காக…

என் ரெண்டாவது பொண்ணு அப்படியே என்ன மாதிரி, நல்ல சூட்டிப்பு. அவளுக்கு இப்பவே ஒரு பாய் பிரண்ட் இருக்கான். என் மொதப் பொண்ணுக்குப் பதினாறு வயசாச்சு. இன்னும் அவளுக்கு ஒரு பாய் பிரண்ட் இல்ல, சும்மா பேச்சுக்குக் கூட ஒரு பையன வீட்டுக்குக் கூட்டிட்டு வந்ததில்ல. எப்படித்தான் கரை ஏறப் போறாளோ? – ஒரு அம்மாவின் அங்கலாய்ப்பு.

திடும்… திடும்… திடும்…

கலாச்சாரக் காவலர்கள், கலவரப்பட்டுக் கத்தியைத் தூக்க வேண்டியதில்லை. Drop your weapons, I say!

சம்பாஷணை நடந்தது ஐரோப்பியக் கண்டத்தில், கவலைப்பட்டவரும் ஒரு ஐரோப்பியர்.

அங்கெல்லாம் பதின்ம வயது வந்ததும் பெத்தவங்க “உன் வாழ்க்கை உன் கையில்”னு நிஜமாகவே தண்ணி தெளித்து விடுகிறார்கள், அதுக்கு முறையாக சென்ட்-ஆப் பார்ட்டி கூட உண்டாம்.

ஆனா நம்மூர்ல பையனோ பொண்ணோ ஸ்கூல், காலேஜ், வேலைக்குப் போயி, கல்யாணம் பண்ணிக்கற வரைக்கும் பெத்தவங்களோட ராடார் ப்ரீக்குவன்சிக்குள்ளதான் இருந்தாகணும்.

வைரமுத்து சொன்ன மூணாம் எட்டில் எல்லாம் இங்க யாருக்கும் திருமணமே நடக்கறதில்லை. நாலாம் எட்டுலதான் பசங்க செட்டில் ஆகவே ஆரம்பிக்கிறாங்க. (இங்க“செட்டில்” ஆகறதுங்கற வார்த்தைக்கான விளக்கம் நபருக்கு நபர் வேறுபட்டாலும், சாகற வரைக்கும் நம்ம மனசு செட்டில் ஆகாதுங்கறது வேற விஷயம்.)

பொதுவா நம்ம ஊருல பெத்தவங்களாப் பாத்து நிச்சயிக்கிற திருமணம், மத சடங்குகளைத் தவிர்த்து, பெரும்பாலும் ப்ராசஸ் எல்லாம் ஒரே மாதிரியாத்தான் இருக்கும். சில வீட்டுல சீக்கிரமாப் பொண்ணு பாக்க ஆரம்பிச்சிருவாங்க, சில வீட்டுல ஒத்தப்படை, கண்டம், திருநள்ளாறுனு கொஞ்சம் லேட்டாகும்.

நம்ப ஆளுகளும் பொறுத்துப் பொறுத்துப் பாப்பாங்க. வேலைக்கு ஆகலேன்னா “அழுத புள்ளைக்குதான் பால்”னு புரிஞ்சுக்கிட்டு, வீட்டுக்கு போனப் போடும்போதெல்லாம்“இப்போதான் ரமேஷ் கல்யாணத்துக்குப் போயிட்டு வந்தேன், ரவி கல்யாணத்துக்குப் போயிட்டு வந்தேன்”னு ஜாடையா பிட்டப் போட்டுப் பாப்பாங்க. அசரலேன்னா, கூட்டாளி ஒருத்தனப் புடிச்சு “அப்புறம்.., இவனுக்கு எப்போ”னு மெதுவா வீட்டுல கேக்கச் சொல்லுவானுக. எதுக்கும் மசியலேன்னா கொஞ்சம் கிரிமினலா யோசிக்க ஆரம்பிச்சிருவாங்க. பொண்ணுக கிட்ட அடிக்கடி பேசற மாதிரி ஒரு செட்-அப் பண்றது. இல்லேன்னா பொண்ணுகளோட வெளிய போற மாதிரி ஒரு பாவ்லா காட்றதுன்னு உருண்டு பொரண்டு எப்படியாவது தங்களோட கல்யாண ஆசைய வீட்டுக்குத் தெரிவிச்சிருவாங்க.

ஆனா என்னிக்காவது வீட்டுல இருந்து, “சரி உனக்குப் பாக்கலாமாப்பா”னு கேட்டா மட்டும், உடனே வெறச்சுக்குவானுக. என்னமோ இதெல்லாம் இவனுகளுக்குப் புடிக்காதுங்கற மாதிரி “ம்ம்.. பாக்கலாம் பாக்கலாம்”னு சலிச்சுக்குவானுக.

அவங்களும் “வேற யாரையாச்சும் மனசுல வெச்சிருக்கியாப்பா”ன்னு இவன் கண்ணாடி முன்னாடி நின்னுக்கிட்டு இருக்கும்போதுதான் கேப்பாங்க. இவன் எப்படியும் மனசுல ஒரு பத்துப் பதினஞ்சு பேர வெச்சிருப்பான். அதெல்லாம் சம்பந்தப்பட்டவங்களுக்குத் தெரியுமா அப்படிங்கறதுதான் இங்க கேள்வியே? கடைசியா ஒரு மாதிரியா மூஞ்சிய வெச்சுக்கிட்டு ” சரி என்னமோ பண்ணுங்க போங்க” அப்படின்னுட்டு பர்மிஷன்(!) குடுத்துருவான

ஆனா “என்ன மாதிரி பொண்ணுப்பா உனக்குப் பாக்கறது?”ன்னு அவங்க கேட்டாத்தான் இருக்கு தீபாவளி.

முதல்ல எல்லாரும் முன்னுரிமை தர்றது புறத்தோற்றத்துக்குதான். இந்த விஷயத்துல ஒவ்வொருத்தருக்கும் ஒவ்வொரு கனவு இருக்கும். சிலருக்கு “சின்ன வீடு” பாக்யராஜ் மாதிரி, சாமுத்ரிகா இலட்சணத்தோட வேலைக்குப் போகாத ஒரு பொண்ணு வேணும். சிலருக்கு வேலைக்குப் போகக்கூடிய, திறமையான மற்றும் அழகான பொண்ணு வேணும். தன்னையும் புரிஞ்சுக்கிட்டு, பத்தாததுக்குத் தன்னோட குடும்பத்தையும் புரிஞ்சுக்கணும், உயரம் அஞ்சே அரைக்கால் அடி இருக்கணும், பேசுனா பாடுனா மாதிரி இருக்கணும், பாடுனா ஆடுனா மாதிரி இருக்கணும், அப்படி, இப்பிடின்னு ஆயிரத்து எட்டரை இருக்கும்.

நம்ப பொண்ணுகளும் இதுக்கெல்லாம் சளச்சவங்க இல்லை. அவங்களுக்குப் பையன் அழகா இருக்கணும், ஆனா காதலிச்சிருக்கக் கூடாது. ஆன்-சைட்ல இருக்கணும்,ஆனா எந்தக் கெட்ட பழக்கமும் இருக்கக் கூடாது. நாட்டுப் பற்று இருக்கணும், ஆனா மினிமம் H1B விசாவாவது வெச்சிருக்கணும். தாடி வெச்சா மாதிரி இருக்கணும், ஆனா ஷேவும் பண்ணி இருக்கணும் – அப்படிங்கற ரேஞ்சுல அவங்களும் நெறைய வெச்சிருப்பாங்க. (இத பத்தி வாலி கூடக் கொஞ்சம் விலாவாரியா சொல்லி இருக்கார்)

ஆனா ஒண்ணுங்க, இவங்கல்லாம் கேக்கறா மாதிரி எல்ல்ல்லாத் தகுதியோட இருக்கற ஒரு பொண்ணோ, பையனோ பாக்கணும்னா ஜேம்ஸ் கேமரோன் கிட்ட சொல்லித்தான் செய்யணும்.

இதுக்கெல்லாம் விதிவிலக்கா சிலபேரு “எதிர்பார்ப்புதான் ஏமாற்றத்தத் தரும்”னு புரிஞ்சுக்கிட்டு சூர்யவம்சம் சின்ராசு மாதிரி “பெரியவங்க, நீங்களாப் பாத்து எதச் செஞ்சாலும், அத நான் ஏத்துக்கறேன்”னு கால்லேயே விழுந்திருவாங்க.

ஏன்னா, ஒவ்வொருத்தருக்கும் இது வாழ்க்கையோட செகண்ட்-ஆப். ஆதனால “ஆயிரத்தில் ஒருவன்” மாதிரி எதுவும் ஆயிடக்கூடாதுங்கறதுல ரொம்பக் கவனமா இருப்பாங்க.

என்னதான் இத்தன நாளா பஸ் ஸ்டாண்ட், ரயில்வே ஸ்டேஷன், சினிமா தியேட்டர்னு பல எடங்கள்ல இவன் பொண்ணு பாத்து இருந்தாலும் அதுக்கப்புறம்தான் ஆபீசியலா குடும்பத்தோட பொண்ணு பாக்க ஆரம்பிப்பான்.

சின்ன வயசுல, “வாடா, கல்யாணத்துக்குப் போகலாம்”னு கூப்பிட்டா, “வேற வேலை இல்லை உங்களுக்கு”ன்னுட்டு குடுகுடுன்னு கிரிக்கெட் வெளையாட ஓடிப் போயிருவான். ஆனா இப்போ , “ஏம்மா, இந்த மாசம் யாருக்கும் கல்யாணம் வைக்கலையா, ஒரு பத்திரிகைக் கூட வரலே”ன்னு கேக்கற அளவுக்கு மாறிப் போய்டுவான். ஏன்னா, எப்படிப் பாத்தாலும் எல்லாக் கல்யாணத்துலயும், இந்த மாதிரிக் குறைஞ்சது கண்ணுக்குத் தெரியாம நாலஞ்சு குரூப் பொண்ணு பாத்துக்கிட்டுதான் இருப்பாங்க.

ஆக “ஒரு கல்யாணத்துக்கோ, கோவிலுக்கோ போயி சைட் அடிக்கறவன் மனுஷன், குடும்பத்தோட போயி சைட் அடிக்கறவன் பெரிய மனுஷன்”ங்கறத அன்னலட்சுமி சொல்லாமேயே நாம புரிஞ்சுக்கணும்.

முதல கட்டமா “தம்பி ஒரு நல்ல போட்டோ ஒண்ணு இருந்தா எடுத்துக் குடுப்பா”ன்னு வீட்டுல கேப்பாங்க.

ஆனா அப்படி இவங்க ஒரு நாள் கேப்பாங்கன்னு சொல்லி, அந்த நல்ல போட்டோவ அவன் கடைசி ரெண்டு வருசமாத் தொடர்ச்சியா எடுத்துகிட்டுதான் இருந்திருப்பான்.

“மாப்ள, என்ன மட்டும் ஒரு சோலோ எட்றா”ன்னு எதாவது பிக்னிக் ஸ்பாட்ல யாராவது சொல்லி உங்க காதுல விழுந்தா, “சோலோ” அப்படின்னாலே ஒருத்தர மட்டும் எடுக்கறது தானே?ன்னெல்லாம் அறிவு பூர்வமா ஆராய்ச்சி பண்ணாம, அங்க ஒருத்தர் மேட்ரிமோனிக்கு ப்ரோபைல் போட்டோ எடுக்க ட்ரை பண்ணிட்டு இருக்கார்னு அவரு ஜாதகத்தப் பாக்காமயே நீங்க பட்டுன்னு சொல்லிறலாம்.

“ப்ளீஸ்டா, மறுபடியும் எட்றா, தல கலைஞ்சிரிச்சு / கண்ண மூடிட்டேன்”னு கூடவே இன்னொரு சவுண்டும் வரும் கண்டுக்காதீங்க…

கூந்தல் வனப்புக் குறைஞ்சவங்க எதிர்காத்து இல்லாத எடமா நிக்கணும், ஷாம்பூ கீம்பு போட்டு புஸ்ஸுனு வெச்சுக்கணும், தொப்பை இருக்கறவங்க மூச்ச வேற நல்லா இழுத்துப் புடிச்சுகிட்டே சிரிக்கணும்னு போஸ் குடுக்கறதும் கூட ரொம்ப ஒரு கஷ்டமான வேலதாங்க.

இந்த போடோடோவ எடுக்க மாட்றவன்தாங்க, உலகத்துலேயே பெரிய பொறுமைசாலி.

இதுல பரஸ்பரம் மாத்தி மாத்தி எடுத்துக்கறதும் உண்டு. “நான் பார் உன்ன நச்சுனு எடுத்திருக்கேன், நீ ஏன்டா இப்படி எடுத்து வெச்சிருக்கே”ன்னு அடிச்சுக்குவாங்க. இப்படி ஒருத்தருக்கு எடுக்கப்படும் சாம்பிள் சராசரியா 300ல இருந்து 500 வரைக்குமாவது இருக்கும். (டிஜிட்டல் கேமராவக் கண்டு புடிச்சவன் நல்லா இருக்கணும்) இப்படி இது வரைக்கும் உலகத்துல எடுத்த சோலோவ பிரிண்ட் போட்டு அடுக்கி வெச்சா அகிலமே அரை கிரௌண்ட் மாதிரிதான் தெரியும்.வித விதமா, ரகம் ரகமா ட்ரை பண்ணி, ட்ரை பண்ணி அரைகுறை மனசோடதான் ஒவ்வொருத்தரும் அந்த பைனல் போட்டோவப் போட்டிக்கு அனுப்பறாங்க.

சில பேரு நேர ஸ்டுடியோவுக்கு போயி, சாந்தமா முகத்துல பால் வடிய, ஒரே ஷாட்ல மேட்டர சிம்ப்ளா முடிச்சிருவாங்க.

அடுத்து பயோடேட்டா, ஜாதகத்தோட அந்த நல்ல போட்டோவையும் வெச்சு சமுதாய நதியில கலக்க விட்றுவாங்க.(ஏனைய வழிகள் – மாட்ரிமோனி சைட், மங்கள சந்திப்பு,சொந்தக்காரங்க விடு தூது இத்யாதி, இத்யாதி)

இந்தக் கால கட்டத்துல பசங்க ரொம்பக் கண்ணியமாவும், கனிவாவும், கவனமாகவும் நடந்துக்குவாங்க. அவங்க சம்பந்தமான ஆளுகளோட அப்பப்ப “என்ன பாஸ், உங்க பைல் க்ளோஸ் ஆயிடுச்சு போல? நம்புளுது ஒண்ணும் முடிவே தெரியல?”னு பரஸ்பரம் விசாரிச்சுக்குவாங்க. இதே கால கட்டத்துல அவங்களுக்குத் தெரிஞ்சோ தெரியாமலோ பெரும்பாலும் ஒரு பேக் ரவுண்ட் செக்கும் நடக்கும். (“இது என்னோட நேர்மையக் கேலி பண்ற மாதிரி இருக்கு”னு சொல்லவும் முடியாது)

எப்படியும் பத்து பொண்ணு போட்டோ வருதுன்னா, இவன் ஒரு ரெண்டு பேர செலக்ட் பண்ணி, அது டேலி ஆகி மேலிடத்துக்குப் (பெத்தவங்கதாங்க) போயி, லைட்டா ஒரு பேக்ரவுண்ட் ஸ்கேன் ஆகி, அப்ரூவல் ஆனதும் நேர நம்ம வில்லன் இருக்காரே, அதாங்க ஜோசியரு, அவருகிட்ட பைல் மூவ் ஆகும். அவரு வேறென்ன சொல்லிடுவாரு, “ரெண்டு பொருத்தம் கூட இல்ல, மீறிப் பண்ணி வெச்சா 2012ல உலகம் அழியறதுக்கு நாம் பொறுப்பாயிடுவோம்”ங்கறா மாதிரி எதாவது சொல்லிடுவாரு.

இதே விளையாட்டு அங்க பொண்ணு வீட்டுலயும் நடக்கும். பெரும்பாலும் நம்மாள் செலக்ட் பண்ணி வெச்ச அந்தப் பத்துல ரெண்டு பொண்ணு, இவனப் பத்துல எட்டு ஆக்கி வெச்சிருக்கும். ஆக, என்னிக்கு ரெண்டு கிளியும் ஒரே சீட்ட எடுக்குதோ அன்னி வரைக்கும் இந்த விளையாட்டுத் தொடர்ந்துகிட்டே இருக்கும்.

ஒரு கட்டத்துல இந்த விளையாட்டு போர் அடிச்சுப் போயி, வெறப்பா “மணல் கயிறு” கிட்டு மணி மாதிரி இருந்தவங்க மொதல்ல கண்டிசன்ல இருக்கற AND Gateஎல்லாத்தையும் OR Gateஆ மாத்திப் பாப்பாங்க, அப்புறம் நாள்பட, நாள்பட கண்டிசன்களையே ஒவ்வொண்ணாக் கழட்டிவிட்டுக்கூடப் பாப்பாங்க. கடைசில”பெட்ரோமாக்ஸ் கெடைக்கலேனா கூடப் போவுது, பந்தம் கெடச்சாக் கூடப் போதும்”னு எதார்த்தத்துக்கு எறங்கி வந்தவங்க நெறையப் பேரு. .விட்டுக் கொடுத்தலே விவாகம், காம்ப்ரமைஸ் தான் கல்யாணம் அப்படிங்கறத இங்க இருந்தே அவங்க புரிசுக்குவாங்க.

ரெண்டு குடும்பமும் பரஸ்பரம் செலக்ட் பண்ணி, ஜோசியர் சார் ஓகே பண்ணி, ஒரு நல்ல நாளாப் பார்த்து பொண்ணு பாக்க ஏற்பாடு ஆகும். பொண்ணு பாக்கப் போகும் போதே முக்காவாசி முடிவு பண்ணிட்டுத்தான் போவாங்க. அந்தக் கால்வாசிய முடிவு பண்ண ரெண்டு பேரும் தனியாப் பேசணும்னு சொல்லுவாங்க. பத்து விநாடி மௌனம், முப்பது விநாடி ஸ்டார்ட்டிங் ட்ரபுள்,கொஞ்சம் உபசரிப்பு, சில சுய தம்பட்டம், “அது தெரியுமா, இது தெரியுமா”, “இது புடிக்குமா, அது புடிக்குமா”, இடைல இடைல கொஞ்சம் வழிசல்னு ஒரு மாதிரியாப் பேசிட்டு வெளிய வந்திருவாங்க.

இதுதான் பொண்ணுன்னு உறுதி ஆயிட்டா, பிரச்னை இல்ல. இல்லேன்னா என்ன? திரும்ப மேல இருக்கற பத்தியப் படிங்க.

ஒரு வழியா பொண்ணு ஓகே ஆயிடுச்சுன்னா, பெத்தவங்க தேதி குறிக்கறாங்களோ இல்லையோ, நம்மாளு மொதல்ல போன் நம்பரக் குறிச்சிக்குவான். அப்புறமென்ன?

சங்கீத ஸ்வரங்கள் ஏழே கணக்கா, வேறே ஏதும் இருக்கா?

சில பேரெல்லாம் ரொம்ப வெவரம். போகும் போதே, ஒரு சி.யு.ஜி பேக்கேஜோடதான் பொண்ணு பாக்கவே போறாங்க. இன்னும் கொஞ்சநாள்ல செல்போன்காரங்க இதுக்குன்னு தனியா “சங்கீத ஸ்வரங்கள்”னு ஒரு ஸ்கீம் விட்டாலும் விடுவாங்க போல.

இதுல நெறைய வெரைட்டி இருக்காங்க, பேட்டரி மாத்தி, சிம் மாத்தி, போன் மாத்தித் தொடர்ந்து பேசிக்கிட்டே இருக்கறது, விடிய விடியப் பேசறது, விடிஞ்சு எந்திரிச்சுப் பேசறது. அலாரம் வெச்சுப் பேசறதுன்னு, தொடர்ந்து நாப்பது மணி நேரம் பேசறதுன்னு சத்தமில்லாம நெறையப் பேரு கின்னஸ் சாதனை புரிஞ்சுகிட்டுதான் இருக்காங்க. இந்த மாதிரி ஆளுங்களப் பாத்தீங்கன்னா நைட் ஷிப்ட்ல இருந்து வந்த எபக்ட்லதான் காலைல ஆஃபீசுக்கே வருவாங்க.

போன்ல பேசற நேரம் போக அப்பப்ப சினிமாவுக்கோ, பீச்சுக்கோ, பார்க்குக்கோ வீட்டுக்குத் தெரிஞ்சோ, தெரியாமையோ போயிட்டு வருவாங்க. எங்க காலத்துல நாங்க பாக்காததா அப்படின்னு பெரியவங்களும் கண்டுக்காத மாதிரி விட்றுவாங்க.

இந்தக் காலகட்டத்தில் அம்பிகள் கூட ரெமோவாக மாறியதையும், வீரவசனம் பேசிய பல ‘மௌனம் பேசியதே’ சூர்யாகளும் சரமாரியாகச் சரண் அடைந்ததையும் சரித்திரம் சிரிப்போடு, சந்தித்துக் கொண்டுதான் இருக்கிறது.

கல்யாண நாள் நெருங்க நெருங்க, பத்திரிகை விநியோகம், புதுத் துணி எடுக்கறதுன்னு பரபரப்பாக் காலம் ஓடிரும்.

இன்னியத் தேதிக்கு நம்ம நட்பு வட்டாரங்களுக்குப் பத்திரிகை கொடுக்கறது ஒரு பெரிய விஷயமே இல்ல. ரெண்டே நிமிஷம். இன்விடேசன ஸ்கேன் பண்ணி, “Please consider this as my personal invite”னு மெயில்ல அட்டாச் பண்ணிட்டம்னா வேலை முடிஞ்சுது. ஆனா பழைய டைரியைத் தூசு தட்டி எடுத்து, “மனம் கவர்ந்த மங்கையை மணக்கும் முன் மணவோலை அனுப்ப மறவாதே”ன்னு ஆட்டோகிராப் போட்டுக் குடுத்த எல்லாக் கல்லூரி நண்பர்களோட அட்ரஸையும் கண்டுபுடிச்சு, அவங்களுக்குப் பத்திரிகையத் தபால்லேயோ/ நேர்லேயோ குடுக்கற சொகத்தக் கொஞ்சம் கொஞ்சமா நாம இழந்துகிட்டு வர்றோம் அப்படிங்கறத யாரும் மறுக்க முடியா&#2980

PARAMASHIVAN

15th June 2010, 08:08 PM

NOV

16th June 2010, 06:47 PM

A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband:

Woman: I lost my husband

Inspector: What is his height

Woman: I never noticed

Inspector: Slim or healthy

Woman Not slim can be healthy

Inspector: Color of eyes

Woman: Never noticed

Inspector: Color of hair

Woman: Should be black

Inspector: What was he wearing

Woman: I don't remember exactly

Inspector: Was somebody with him ?

Woman: Yes my Labrador dog (Romeo), tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together.

The woman started crying
Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!

NOV

17th June 2010, 12:56 PM

Mr. S proposed to Miss K

Mr. S: "Will you marry me?"

Miss K: "How? I am 1 year elder to you."

Mr. S: "No problem soniye, I will marry you next year."

sakaLAKALAKAlaa Vallavar

17th June 2010, 05:01 PM

http://thatstamil.oneindia.in/news/2010/06/17/helpage-india-elders-abuse-chennai.html

ஆஆ, நல்ல முதியவர்களுக்கு தரவேண்டிய மரியாதையை, இந்த சென்னை, கெட்ட முதியவர்களுக்கு வெத்தல பாக்கு வெச்சி தருதே!!!!

PARAMASHIVAN

17th June 2010, 09:53 PM

people in IT may find this funny,

I had to conduct an interview for a 'suitable' helpdesk analyst

some questions

Me: What does AD mean in IT?

Client : It is an Advert you put in the local news paper?

Me: How do you extract data from a SQL server Database?

Client : You print it

Me : what is a Router?

Client: Er it is like An A-Z atlas of the roads, and you just create a route from there, and the person who creates the route is router

I was like :frightened: :rotfl2: :rotfl3:

aanaa

18th June 2010, 07:37 PM

Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

Customer : Waiter, do you serve pigs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."

PARAMASHIVAN

18th June 2010, 08:03 PM

:rotfl3:

app_engine

22nd June 2010, 02:30 AM

from a blog review of rAvanan :

Suhasini has written the Dialogues for the movie and I couldn't help but laugh during those 'typical' one liner exchanges in the first half when Dev was told his wife was kidnapped. It went something like this:
Hemanth: siiirrr, river la oru accident
Dev: Eppo
H: Ippodhan sirrr
Dev: Enna aachu
H: sirrr, inoru boat idichu....adhula vandhu...
D: enna?
H: unga wife...
D: solunga Hemanth..
It reminded me of that classic spoof in Thamizh Padam of that 'Thalabadhi' scene where Mammooty visits his injured henchman in a hospital.

:lol:

PARAMASHIVAN

23rd June 2010, 03:36 PM

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress ? :lol2:

raajarasigan

23rd June 2010, 04:31 PM

Customer : Waiter, do you serve pigs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
:rotfl:

Lambretta

23rd June 2010, 09:24 PM

ایڈورٹائزنگ پروگرام ایڈورٹائزنکیری کرکریر میچ کرکری کیا بولو پروگرام ایڈورٹائزنگ پروگرام!!

ذڈدخغعقر یسٹ ور وسط انڈیا اس تھےمکیکرکیری کرکریر میچ کرکری کیا بولو بیسٹ تو کیا جانے پاکستانی.......مکیکرری کرکریر میچ کرکری کیا بولو

میکلووٹ پی لو کیا گورّ رےمکیکرککرکریر میچ کرکری کیا بولو میکلوودے!! ذرا تیری صورت تو!!

منںگکقعظطوودے تیری جینٹ پی لو مکیکرکرکیری کرکریر میچ کرکری کیا بولو

کیا گورّ رے میکلوودے!! ذرا تیری صورت تو دیکھ کیا گند نخرے کررہ

پوری تصویمکیکچ کرکری کیا بولو ر دیکھیں!! :P

اررے میککمکیکرریر میچ کرکری کیا بولو ولا ہے کیا~! :lol2:

نہ ہے شرممکیکرکرکیری کرکریر میچ کرکری کیا بولو ہ ہے دماگ!

خ مکیکرکرکیری کرکریر میچ کرکری کیا بولو

ا مکیکرکرکیری کرکریر میچ کرکری کیا بولو کو کون کیا بولے! :lol:

Dinesh84

5th July 2010, 01:53 PM

:confused2:

ایڈورٹائزنگ پروگرام ایڈورٹائزنکیری کرکریر میچ کرکری کیا بولو پروگرام ایڈورٹائزنگ پروگرام!!

ذڈدخغعقر یسٹ ور وسط انڈیا اس تھےمکیکرکیری کرکریر میچ کرکری کیا بولو بیسٹ تو کیا جانے پاکستانی.......مکیکرری کرکریر میچ کرکری کیا بولو

میکلووٹ پی لو کیا گورّ رےمکیکرککرکریر میچ کرکری کیا بولو میکلوودے!! ذرا تیری صورت تو!!

منںگکقعظطوودے تیری جینٹ پی لو مکیکرکرکیری کرکریر میچ کرکری کیا بولو

کیا گورّ رے میکلوودے!! ذرا تیری صورت تو دیکھ کیا گند نخرے کررہ

پوری تصویمکیکچ کرکری کیا بولو ر دیکھیں!! :P

اررے میککمکیکرریر میچ کرکری کیا بولو ولا ہے کیا~! :lol2:

نہ ہے شرممکیکرکرکیری کرکریر میچ کرکری کیا بولو ہ ہے دماگ!

خ مکیکرکرکیری کرکریر میچ کرکری کیا بولو

ا مکیکرکرکیری کرکریر میچ کرکری کیا بولو کو کون کیا بولے! :lol:

Sarna

5th July 2010, 02:10 PM

:lol:

Lambretta

6th July 2010, 09:44 AM

:confused2:
Puriyla' la? :D

So, neengellorum matrum tamizh la' inga etho post pannitE iruntha, tamizh adiyOda padikavarAthavanga nelamaiyum ibbidi thAn irukum!! :roll:

Ippa purinjitha??! :evil: :|

So, I would suggest we all henceforth post only jokes in English plse.

ilayapuyalvinodh_kumar

6th July 2010, 11:32 PM

the best thread in this hub. :thumbsup:

NOV

8th July 2010, 12:11 PM

[tscii:70488a2eef]A Shepherd was tending his sheep when a man came along and stared chatting to him. “Excuse me, but how far do your sheep walk each day?” asked the man. “Do you mean the white ones or the black ones?” asked the shepherd. “Oh the white ones,” replied the man, -- “about four kilometres a day”-- “and the black ones?” “oh about four kilometres a day,” replied the shepherd.

The man asked again, “how much do they eat each day?” – “Do you mean the white ones or the black ones?” – “The white ones,” – “about 3 kilos of grass,” – “and the black ones?” – “oh about 3 kilos too,” The man was getting rather mystified. “And how much wool do you get from them?” – Do you mean the white ones or the black ones?” – “Let’s take the white ones first,” – “about 2 measures a year,” – “And the black ones?” – “Oh about two measures a year.”

At this point the man lost patience…”Here I am asking you questions about your sheep and every time you make me ask separately about the white and black, ones only to give me the same answer for both. Is there any difference at all?” “Of course there is sir,” said the shepherd with a knowing smile. “the white sheep are mine!” “And the black ones?” asked the man curiously. “Oh, they’re mine too,” replied the shepherd.[/tscii:70488a2eef]

ilayapuyalvinodh_kumar

8th July 2010, 10:04 PM

''o'' podu :rotfl:

ilayapuyalvinodh_kumar

9th July 2010, 06:28 PM

No offence to any females. Just an sms.

Boy : U r so beautiful..
Girl : Thanks...
Boy : But ur sister is more beautiful than you...
Girl : Naayae naayae... ( scolds '' dog dog '' )
Boy : Athu unga rendu paera vida sooper...

NOV

20th July 2010, 08:43 AM

India holds a certain sense of mystery for the White World . Read on to find how curious foreigners are about India and its ways or rather read on to find out how dumb and ignorant they are about our beautiful country.

This was taken from a tourism blog where people could post queries if they were planning on making a trip to India.

The answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who demonstrate tolerance and excellent sense of humor.

Q : Does it ever get windy in India ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q : Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs India ? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi , Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore?(UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean which does not.. oh forget it. ...... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa . Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in India ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into India ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? ( France )
A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of...oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tues day night in Goa , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in India ? ( UK )
A: You're a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore , and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: Do you have perfume in India ? ( France )
A: No, WE don't stink in India.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in India ? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather in India.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India ? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn to first speak properly.

Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)
A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime day and night.

Q: Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)
A: No, we use sand paper but we have different grades for you to chose.

NOV

21st July 2010, 06:08 PM

A chili and a tomato were racing. The tomato was falling behind and this was what the chili said to the tomato.
Hey Tomato, Ketch-up!

NOV

21st July 2010, 06:12 PM

Sometimes... when you cry....no one sees your tears...
Sometimes... when you are worried.....no one sees your pain....
Sometimes... when you are happy....... no one sees your smile....
But....break wind just one time....... everybody seems to notice you......

ilayapuyalvinodh_kumar

21st July 2010, 09:59 PM

A chili and a tomato were racing. The tomato was falling behind and this was what the chili said to the tomato.
Hey Tomato, Ketch-up!

:lol:

ilayapuyalvinodh_kumar

21st July 2010, 10:02 PM

ilayapuyalvinodh_kumar

21st July 2010, 10:10 PM

~ Q: Which direction is North in India ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

~ Q: Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)
A: No, we use sand paper but we have different grades for you to choose.

~ Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

~ Q: Which direction is North in India ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

~ Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

~ Q : Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking

:rotfl3: :clap:

ilayapuyalvinodh_kumar

22nd July 2010, 09:56 PM

Yankees Sign Iraqi Hurler Shoe-throwing Tight-hander Impresses Scouts

In their latest bid to beef up their pitching rotation for the 2009 season, the New York Yankees today signed Iraqi journalist Muntadar al-Zeidi to a three-year deal worth $32 million.

The right-handed al-Zeidi, 28, impressed the Yankees scouts with his performance in Baghdad yesterday when he threw both of his shoes at President George W. Bush.

While neither of the shoes hit their target, both throws "had great velocity and good movement," said Yankee co-owner Hank Steinbrenner. "The first shoe was high and outside but the second one was right down the middle," Mr. Steinbrenner said.

The Yankees' boss said that he was also impressed with Mr. al-Zeidi's fighting spirit when Secret Service agents tackled him. "That could come in handy when we have a series with Boston," he said.

ilayapuyalvinodh_kumar

22nd July 2010, 10:23 PM

Real incident :

I once got an especially helpful reply to a question I asked on Microsoft's on-line tech support service. I wrote back to thank them for a complete and concise reply, and said how much I appreciated it.

The next day I had a response:

"We are looking into the problem and will contact you with a solution as soon as possible."

Lambretta

23rd July 2010, 09:08 AM

:lol:

They must b really overworked...! :lol2:

ilayapuyalvinodh_kumar

27th July 2010, 07:55 PM

1) Where would snowmen of Greenland go to dance ?

2) What type of stories do the boat owners and their families read ??

3) Which is the strongest bird in this world ?

4) What is the best hand to use when writing a love letter ?

5) What has a hump and is found at the North Pole ??

ilayapuyalvinodh_kumar

28th July 2010, 12:27 AM

Cha.. So many number of views but none attempting the answers. Here i go with the answers -

1) Where would snowmen of Greenland go to dance ?

A : Snowball

2) What type of stories do the boat owners and their families read ??

A : " Ferry " Tales

3) Which is the strongest bird in this world ?

A : Crane

4) What is the best hand to use when writing a love letter ?

A : Neither ! A pen is the best solution.

5) What has a hump and is found at the North Pole ??

A : A Camel that lost it's way :P

Courtesy: '' The Hindu ''

Dinesh84

4th August 2010, 02:17 PM

An insect falls into a mug of beer.
English Man: Throws his mug of bear on the floor and walks out.
American Man: Takes out the insect and drinks tbe beer.
Chinese Man: Eats the insect and throws the beer.
Indian Man: Sells the insect to the Chinese and the beer to the Englishman and buys himself a new mug of beer.
Pakistani Man: Accuses the Indian of throwing the insect into his mug, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for military aid and takes a loan to buy another mug of beer.

4th August 2010, 03:07 PM

Very old joke.
still :lol:

rangan_08

4th August 2010, 07:01 PM

[tscii:4f459273ec]The other day I was traveling in a city transport bus which was jam-packed. The conductor was busy distributing the tickets (Vadivelu – nalla ticketu poora kizhichi kizhichi kudupaingale, andha udhyogama ?? ). One guy was constantly pestering him for the balance change and at one point, the conductor lost his temper and said, “ summa tholla pannina vandiya oaram kattiduven….”.

I don’t know what made me to say this, but immediately I said, “ neenga vandiya oaram kattunga paravayilla, aana avaru keezha irangi oodu katnarunna enna pannuveenga ? “. The entire crowd inside the bus burst out laughing – appadeenu sollamatten – :D , some of them laughed but I’m sure that the conductor and that man wouldn’t have considered it as funny.

Generally, I don’t behave like that in a public place but this time it was very tempting. It’s nothing like I wanted to pacify the situation or something, I simply wanted to say it.[/tscii:4f459273ec]

Plum

4th August 2010, 07:08 PM

ellAm Vaigaipuyal threadai update paNNi paNNi vandha pazhakkam dhAn Rangan :lol:

rangan_08

4th August 2010, 07:32 PM

ellAm Vaigaipuyal threadai update paNNi paNNi vandha pazhakkam dhAn Rangan :lol:

Enna panradhu, ungala madhiri nalu sadhi sanam vandhukittu poikittu irundathaney thread kala kattum. :D Mudiyala !

Sarna

5th August 2010, 02:45 PM

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can
prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and
that's it... don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out
eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like
saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want
to live longer?
Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits
and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What
does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak
is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to
your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field
grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of
your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy
is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit
so you get even
more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made
out of grain. Bottoms
up

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your
ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one

Q: What are some of the advantages of
participating in a regular
exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My
philosophy is: No Pain...Good
!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ... Foods are fried
these days in vegetable
oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could
getting more vegetables
be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little
soft around the
middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it
gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger
stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another
vegetable!!! It's the best
feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain
whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape.

ilayapuyalvinodh_kumar

6th August 2010, 02:38 AM

Bodhaila arulvaaku soldra saamiyar madhiri irukku.... :rotfl: :clap: Sarna...

ilayapuyalvinodh_kumar

6th August 2010, 04:30 PM

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class." :wink:

ilayapuyalvinodh_kumar

6th August 2010, 04:42 PM

All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said ' Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

ilayapuyalvinodh_kumar

6th August 2010, 05:19 PM

Prime Minister Paul Martin, Finance Minister Ralph Goodale, and Revenue Minister John McCallum are flying on the Executive Airbus to a gathering in British Columbia when Martin turns to Goodale and says, chuckling, "You know, I could throw a $1000 bill out the window right now and make someone very happy."

Goodale shrugs and replies, "Well, I could throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten people happy." Not to be outdone, McCallum says, "Well I could throw a hundred $10'bills out the window and make a hundred people happy."

The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, "Such arrogant asses back there. Hell, I could throw all three of them out the window and make millions of people happy."

Sarna

9th August 2010, 10:53 AM

British English vs Malaysian English?

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY .
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians:No- need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER>>Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Don't want la...

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shut up lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time.. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen Why like that....

WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let me show you,
Malaysians: like that also don't know how to do!!!!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians:Celaka u

Sarna

9th August 2010, 12:33 PM

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.

The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.

That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply,

We can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.

If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?

The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.

The monks reply, Congratulations, you are correct and now you are a monk!

We shall now show you the way to the sound.

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door.

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key?

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald,...
...silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door

The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight.

Scroll down...
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. .. . but I can't tell you what it is because YOU are not a monk!!!

NOV

9th August 2010, 05:42 PM

A beggar said to another beggar: I had a grand dinner at Taj yesterday.

How? The other beggar asked.

First beggar: Some one gave me a Rs 100/- note yesterday.

I went to Taj and ordered dinner worth Rs 1,000/-, and enjoyed the dinner.

When the bill came, I said, I had no money.

The Taj manager called the policeman, and handed me over to him.

I gave the Rs 100/- note to the police fellow, and he set me free.

A wonderful example of financial management indeed.

PARAMASHIVAN

16th August 2010, 08:32 PM

டார்லிங், ராத்திரி என்ன டிபன்?

(கோபத்துடன் மனைவி) ஒரு டம்ளர் விஷம்!...

ஓகே டியர். நான் வர கொஞ்சம் லேட்டாகும். நீ சாப்பிட்டு படுத்துக்கோ

NOV

23rd August 2010, 07:00 PM

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick .

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly

raajarasigan

23rd August 2010, 07:02 PM

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly :lol:

ilayapuyalvinodh_kumar

27th August 2010, 06:55 PM

There was a very self-sufficient blind man, who did a lot of traveling alone. He was making his first trip to Texas and happened to be seated next to a Texan on the flight. The Texan spent a lot of time telling him how everything is bigger and better in Texas. By the time the blind man had reached his destination, a large resort hotel, he was very excited about being in Texas.

The long trip had worn him out a little so he decided to stop at the bar for a small soda and a light snack before going up to his room to unpack this clothes.
When the waitress set down his drink, it was in a huge mug. "Wow, I had heard everything in Texas is bigger," he told her. "That's right,"she replied. The blind man ate his snack and finished his drink.

After drinking such a large amount, it was only natural his next stop was going to have to be the restroom. He asked the waitress for directions. She told him to turn left at the register and it would be the second door on the right.
He reached the first door and continued down the hall. A few steps later he stumbled slightly and missed the second door altogether and ended up going through the 3rd door instead. Not realizing he had entered the swimming area he walked forward and immediately fell into the swimming pool.
Remembering everything he had heard about things being bigger in Texas, as soon as he had his head above water he started shouting "Don't flush! Don't flush!" :rotfl:

ilayapuyalvinodh_kumar

27th August 2010, 07:03 PM

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence. He pulls him out and says, "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." The Mexican man pleads with him, "No, noooo, Senor, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"

The border patrol agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him, and says "OK, I'll let you stay if you can use three English words in a sentence."
The Mexican man of course agrees. The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The three words are: green, pink and yellow. Now use them in one sentence."

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about two minutes, then says, "Hmmm, OK. The phone, it went green, green, green... I pink it up, and sez yellow?"

ilayapuyalvinodh_kumar

27th August 2010, 07:06 PM

Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year. Every year Fred would say, "Edna, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year Edna would say, "I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
One year Fred and Edna went to the fair and Fred said, "Edna, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance." Edna replied, "Fred that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."
Fred and Edna agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.
They land and the pilot turns to Fred, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Fred replied, "Well, I was going to say something when Edna fell out of the plane, but ten dollars is ten dollars." :lol:

ilayapuyalvinodh_kumar

27th August 2010, 07:13 PM

Emily Sue passed away and Billy-Bob called 911. The 911 Operator told Billy-Bob that she would send someone out right away.

"Where do you live?" asked the operator.

Billy-Bob replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

There was a long pause and finally Billy-Bob said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

NOV

30th August 2010, 08:04 PM

Doctors vs. Gun Owners

Doctors

(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.

(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.

(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171.

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health and Human Services.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Now think about this:

Guns

(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.(Yes, that's 80 million)

(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500.

(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188.

Statistics courtesy of FBI

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

So, statistically, doctors are approximately
9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT
Almost everyone has at least one doctor.
This means you are over 900 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as a gun owner!!!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.
We must ban doctors
before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Out of concern for the public at large,
I withheld the statistics on Lawyers
for fear the shock would cause
people to panic and seek medical attention!

app_engine

4th September 2010, 12:43 AM

[tscii:9041762648]May be a repeat..hilarious nevertheless!

Sometime this year, we taxpayers may again receive an Economic Stimulus payment.

This is a very exciting new program. I will explain it using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

• If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China .
• If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
• If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .
• If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala .
• If you buy a car, it will go to Japan .
• If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
• If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1 spending it at yard sales, or
2 going to ball games, or
3 spending it on prostitutes, or
4 beer or
5 tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the US.)

A true American will therefore go to a ball game and drink beer with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale!
Now THAT'S stimulus!!!

[/tscii:9041762648]

NOV

8th September 2010, 07:08 PM

Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:
Guitar, for sale........ Cheap....... . .......no strings attached.

Ad In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!

On a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative. The more The Success, The more The Relatives.

When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...
I Gave Up Reading

My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses....
He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.

You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:
Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick..
Or when your Son starts To wipe It Off

Sign In A Bar:
'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please do Pay In Advance.'

Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.....

Behind Every Great Man,
There Is A Surprised Woman.

The Reason Men Lie:
Because women Ask too Many Questions..

Getting Caught
Is The Mother Of Invention.

Laugh And The World Laughs With You,
Snore And You sleep Alone

The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.

Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit :
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business..

Sign In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager...

aanaa

9th September 2010, 05:35 AM

[/tscii:1c0f6651c7]*விஜய் டி வி ல டான்ஸ் புரோகிராமுக்கு வந்த ஆள் “எனக்கு நயன் தாராவை ரொம்ப பிடிக்கும், நானும் அவங்களை லவ் பண்றேன்னு சம்பந்தம் இல்லாம பேசறாரே,ஏன்?”

அடுத்த பிரபுதேவா யார்? அப்படிங்கறதுதான் போட்டியோட தலைப்பு,அவர் அதை தப்பா புரிஞ்சுக்கிட்டார்னு நினைக்கறேன்.

*.சத்யராஜ்க்கும், நமீதாவுக்கும் என்ன வித்யாசம்?

சத்யராஜ் மூட நம்பிக்கை இல்லாதவர், நமீதா மூடறதுல நம்பிக்கை இல்லாதவர்.

NOV

19th September 2010, 09:54 AM

*GRANDPARENTS' ANSWERING MACHINE *

Good morning!
At present we are not at home but, please leave your message after you hear
the beep.

beeeeeppp ...

If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 8:

If you need us to stay with the children, press 1

If you want to borrow the car, press 2

If you want us to wash your clothes and ironing, press 3

If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 4

If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 5

If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 6

If you want to come to eat here, press 7

If you need money, press 8

*If you are going to invite us to dinner, or, taking us to the theater, start talking we can hear you!*

PARAMASHIVAN

20th September 2010, 05:23 PM

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want then, when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs. Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.

If u r married please ignore this message,
for everyone else: Happy Independence Day

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about
something you say.
After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

Girlfriends are like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers are like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands are like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice.

Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.

Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!

Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offense!

:rotfl3:

Querida

24th September 2010, 05:59 AM

Husband: Today is Sunday and I want to enjoy it,

So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why Three?

Husband: For you and your parents.
********************************

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace.
Here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They're for you.

*******************************

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,

So I'd be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,

So I could have a new one everyday.

*****************************************

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!

Wife: No darling, it means,

With Idiot For Ever

**********************************

A man isn't feeling well, so he goes to see his doctor.

The doctor examines him, and then asks to speak with his wife. The doctor tells his wife that her husband has cancer. The wife asks "can he be cured?". The doctor replies "there's a chance we can cure him, but you will need to take care of him every day for the next year -- cooking all the meals, cleaning up the vomit, changing the bed pan, driving him to the hospital for daily treatments, and so on". When the wife comes out to the waiting room, the husband asks her what the doctor said.

The wife answers "he said that you're going to die".

PARAMASHIVAN

29th September 2010, 02:41 PM

Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"
Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

X asked, "Can you explain?"
Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples"

Y said," Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

X asked, "Then what is your role?"
Y said," My decisions are only for very big issues. Like, whether Musharraff should stay in the power or not, whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc etc.

Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".

ajithfederer

9th October 2010, 08:05 AM

What is the difference between a wife and a girl friend?

45 pounds. :lol:

NOV

9th October 2010, 11:02 AM

We were sitting in a fine restaurant when my wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.

I said "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"

"Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."

I said, "That's remarkable, I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."

She hasn't spoken to me since - did I say something wrong?

NOV

9th October 2010, 11:04 AM

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly:
"I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to, " his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know," she replied, "now just rest and let the poison work."

NOV

9th October 2010, 11:05 AM

Many people are unaware how much the ability to spell correctly is overrated.

Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

ksen

11th October 2010, 12:21 PM

TEACHER ARRESTED IN NEW YORK

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

Querida

30th October 2010, 08:48 AM

A local United Way (charity org) office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

Querida

30th October 2010, 08:49 AM

There was a little old lady who was nearly blind, and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best to her.

Son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion, thinking this would surely be the best that any of them could offer her.

Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included, thinking this would surely win her approval.

Son #3 had to do something even better, so he bought her a parrot that he had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask the parrot any verse in the Bible, and he could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be.

Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous, but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's too large to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway." Then she confronted her second son with, "Son, the car is beautiful. It has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and really don't like the chauffeur, so please return the car."

Next, she went to Son #3 and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for your most thoughtful gift. That chicken was delicious."

NOV

3rd December 2010, 09:10 AM

Manager asked Appalasami at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?

Appalasami replied: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.

After returning back from a foreign trip, Appalasami asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?

Wife: No! Why?

Appalasami: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

One tourist from U.. S.A. asked Appalasami:
Any great man born in this village???

Appalasami: no sir, only small Babies!!!

NOV

3rd December 2010, 09:12 AM

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanti

So Appalasami writes, "Gandhi ji was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanti

When Appalasami was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted the mirror.

Appalasami shouted,
"You are trying to see my wife? Sit behind. I will drive.

Interviewer: just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?

Appalasami: its simple. I will stop my imagination! !!

NOV

3rd December 2010, 09:13 AM

Appalasami: My mobile bill how much?

Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status

Appalasami: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

Appalasami: I think that girl is deaf..

Friend: How do u know?

Appalasami: I told her that I Love her, but she said her chappals are new

Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!

Appalasami: Wow!!! That ' s an unbelievable exchange offer!!!

NOV

3rd December 2010, 09:14 AM

Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Appalasami: ZEBRA

Teacher: How?

Appalasami: Bcoz it is Black & White

Appalasami attending an interview in Software Company.

Manager: Do U know MS Office?

Appalasami: If U give me the address I will go there sir.

Appalasami in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "

Air hostess said: "B silent."

Appalasami: "Ok... Ombay. Ombay"

NOV

3rd December 2010, 09:15 AM

This is CLASSIC! :rotfl:

Appalasami: Miss, Did u call my mobile?

Teacher: Me? No, why?

Appalasami: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call".

NOV

8th December 2010, 12:54 PM

Einstein said "Everything is relative."

Karunanidhi says, "Relative is everything."

NOV

20th December 2010, 05:08 PM

[tscii:2e20779089]Newly married Hubby saves wife mobile no as “MY LIFE”.

After 1 year,”MY WIFE”

5yrs, ”HOME”

10yrs,”HITLER”.

After silver anniversary…“WRONG NUMBER”[/tscii:2e20779089]

aanaa

24th December 2010, 07:51 AM

[html:97cbf350d2]<iframe title="YouTube video player" class="youtube-player" type="text/html" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/T1lBoEeUiGk" frameborder="0"></iframe>[/html:97cbf350d2]

ksen

13th January 2011, 06:24 PM

God decided to encourage people to have fewer children and introduced an award scheme
During the procedure at one point, he concentrated on learning about the situation in India:

He first met Jawaharlal Nehru in heaven, and asked him how many children he had during is time on earth. Nehru replied.. only one!

Happy with the relatively good family planning adopted, God awarded Nehru with a Celestial Rolls Royce!

Indira Gandhi was next, and God asked the same question. She replied she had two children, and God thought, not too bad, so he gave her a BMW.

Dr. Radhakrishnan was next in line. God was not pleased to hear that he had six children, and gave him a Maruti-800, as a kind of punishment.

Sometime later, the three (Nehru, Indira and Radhakrishnan) going around in their new cars, saw Mahatma Gandhi on foot!!!

Wondering what went wrong, they asked why God hadn't been merciful with him

The Mahatma replied in disgust, "God did not even ask me!!!

"Some idiots had told him that I am the father of the nation!"

Querida

14th January 2011, 01:14 AM

:tongueout: good one Ksen!

This business man goes up to a bar, located at the top of
the Empire State Building in New York. It looks like a nice
place. He takes a seat at the bar next to another guy.

"This is a really a nice place. I've never been here before,"
the first guy says.

"Oh really?", the other replies, "it's also a very special
bar".

"Why is that?", the first guy asks.

"You see that window over there, the fourth
one from the right? Well, the wind does strange things outside
that window. If you jump out you'll fall only about 50 feet
before an updraft catches you and you're pushed back up."

"No way, that's impossible", the first guy replies.

"Not at all, take a look", the other man replies and walks
over to the window, followed closely by the first man. He
opens the window, climbs up on the sill, and falls out.
He drops 10... 20... 30... 40... 50 feet, comes to a stop,
and whoosh! He comes right back up and floats back in through
the window.

"See, it's fun! You should try it", he says.

"Try it, I don't even believe I saw it!", the first man
exclaims.

"It's easy. Watch, I'll do it again". And with that, he
falls out the window again. He drops 10... 20... 30... 40...
50 feet.
Once again, he comes to a stop, and whoosh! He sails right
back up and floats safely through the window.

"Give it a try, it's a blast," he says.

"Well, what the heck, it does look like fun. I believe I will
give it a try", the first man says. He climbs up on the
window sill, and proceeds to fall out the window. He falls
10... 20... 30... 40... 50... 60...
70...
80...
90..
100 feet, and splat! He ends up on the sidewalk.

After watching the first man fall to his death, the other guy
casually closes the window and heads back to the bar. As he
sits down and orders another drink.

The bartender arrives with the drink and says, "You know,
Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk!"

ksen

14th January 2011, 05:37 PM

:roll:

NOV

26th January 2011, 02:01 PM

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."

She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"

"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"

The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says....

Liver alone. Cheese mine.

NOV

26th January 2011, 02:04 PM

Teacher: How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
Pupil: With a pair of Caesars!

Teacher: Who succeeded the first Emperor of Rome?
Pupil: The second one!

Teacher: Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
Pupil: He wanted to Mark Antony!

Teacher: When was Rome built?
Pupil: At night.
Teacher: Why did you say that?
Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day!

Why aren't you doing very well in history?
Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!

NOV

26th January 2011, 02:06 PM

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold, the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an 'ID ten T' error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but I nonetheless inquired, "An ID ten T Error? What's that, in case I need to fix it again?"

Harold grinned. "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote it down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like Harold...

NOV

26th January 2011, 02:09 PM

[tscii:646f205a00]A Dad’s E-Mail:

Dear Son,

How Have You Been?

Your Mom And Me Are Fine,

And We Miss You Alot,

Please Turn Off Your PC And

Come Downstairs For Dinner[/tscii:646f205a00]

aanaa

27th January 2011, 07:07 PM

A tough looking biker was riding his Harley when he sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before
you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?"

So, she does.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you
are wasting. You could be famous, why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

NOV

12th May 2011, 07:08 PM

Bill and his father are out fishing and drinking beer. All of a sudden Bill says, "Dad, I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over six months."

His father, silent for a moment, slowly takes a sip of his beer and says, "Son, you better think it over; women like that are hard to find."

NOV

12th May 2011, 07:08 PM

NOV

12th May 2011, 07:09 PM

A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?"

The trainer replied; “Use the ATM outside the gym!!!"

sathya_1979

16th May 2011, 10:25 PM

sorry Params for the mokkai kadi!

ennadhAn Paramasivam vAzhkkaila kashtam vandhAlum avara Sirama Sivan nu kooppida mudiyAdhu :)

aanaa

9th June 2011, 12:54 AM

The Pilot and the Priest

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ? '

The guy replies, 'I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston.'

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, 'Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.' The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, 'I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years.'

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, 'Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.

'Just a minute,' says the good father. 'That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?

'Up here - we go by results,' says Saint Peter. 'When you preached - people slept. When he flew, people prayed.

Sarna

9th June 2011, 09:36 AM

For Goundamani Fans :

ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART I

Kid1: (Exclaiming) Dei! Andha anna Gunfosys la vela seyyuraarda!
Kid2: Ennadhu Gunfosys ah!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I was confused as to whether they were sarcastic or genuinely appreciating my association with Gunfosys.
They started calling out my name.
Kid1: Narender anna! Nillunganna! Enga kooda cricket aadunga please!
Kid2: Dei! Enna nakkala? Avaru evlov periya ‘oppicer’u… Avara poi nammaloda cricket vilayada kooppudara?
I quickened my pace without turning back. But one of the mischievous guys pulled me by the hand and I had no other option but to stop and join them.
Narender: Seri da! Aana seekiram aadi mudikkanum! Enakku evening veetla neraya vela irukku!
Kid1: Appadi ennana vela?!
I was caught in a trap. How can I explain to him that I will be chatting with my girlfriend? I was very careful not to corrupt their minds. I believed kids of such a small age group should not know about dating, girlfriends, committed relationships etc.
Kid2: Vidra machi! Avaru yethavathu ponnoda cell phone la kadala poduvaaru! Namakku edhukkuda indha vambu? (Looking at me) Ennana! Ethavathu figure set aacha illaya?
I decided not to speak after that till the match was over. As usual the team I was in lost the game and my team mates were secretly cursing my inclusion for their downfall. I reached home and saw that a guest was waiting for my arrival. It was a lady of my mother’s age.
Mother: Itho avane vanthuttane! Dei Narender, ivanga ponnu Priya kooda Gunfosys la thaan vela seyyuraalam! Nee paathu irukkiya?
Narender: Huh… Priya va? Endha Priya?
Mother: Dei! Priya na endha Priya nu kekkura? Neeyum Gunfosys la thaan vela pakkura. Avalum Gunfosys la thaan vela paakkura. Appuram eppadi theriyaama irukkum?
I let out a big sigh. The guest who was apparently Priya’s mother was adding fuel to the fire.

Guest: Priya pa… Konjam tall ah iruppale…
What a description! How can I know a Priya in a corporate strength of 10000 in this division of the company alone? But I should know because she was also tall!
I couldn’t take this conversation anymore. Besides, I was tired. So I decided to play it safe and end the nonsense.
Narender: Oh! Andha Priya va! Enakku theriyume! Pona vaaram kooda food court la pathu pesunen.
Guest: Illiye pa! Ava pona maasame onsite poittale… Nee eppadi pesiyiruppa?
My mother gave me a glaring look. This idiotic guest has arrived for the sole purpose of spoiling whatever good name I have at my home.
Guest: Athu sari pa… Nee onsite pogala?
She was persistent to humiliate me in front of my mother. Endi… Onsite la enna koopta naan endi pogama irukken? Nee enga veetta vittu pogumpothu rotla ambassador car yeri saga pora paar!
Guest: Ennapa yosikkura? Pesaama company maariden!
Super. Ettaan class pass aagaathava ellam enna company maathiko nu strategic advice kodukkura!
Narender: Kandippa maaruven aunty! Seri Priya endha country poi irukka?
Guest: (With a big proud smile) Auz.
Narender: Auz na?
Guest: (With a sympathetic look) Australia pa!
OK. Enna rumba usuppethitta. Ippo paar!
Narender: Oh! Australia va? Usual ah Australia vukku irukkuradhulaye mattamaana resource ah thaan anuppuvaangale! En friend kooda, ‘Machi! Australiavukku onsite resource ah porathukku naakka pudingikittu saagalaam da’ nu sonnane!
Guest: (To my mother) Saringa… Naan kelamburen! (To me, with a ‘pazhivaangittiye da!’ look) Varen pa!
Ha ha ha… Asingapatta autokaari!!!
I still cursed she should be hit by an ambassador car on her way back.

One hour later, I received an sms from my girlfriend (Yes. I too had one. I will narrate that tragedy later)

Vidya: Hi dear! I am very upset.
Means Narender you have to ask me what my problem is.
Narender: Hey dear! What happened?
Means solli tholadi…
Vidya: My mother went to a visit a guest. On her way back, she was hit by an ambassador car L (Sad smiley included) She is in hospital now L L (Two sad smiley included).
Oops! Something’s wrong here!
Narender: Hey dear! Are you alright? Very sorry for your mother. Don’t mistake me for asking this at this moment. What is your elder sister Rubini’s full name?
Vidya: Rubini Priya. Why?
Narender: Where is she now?
Vidya: She is in Australia.
Aathaadi!!!

Sarna

9th June 2011, 09:36 AM

ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART II

I disconnected the call citing signal disruptions. The next day Vidya messaged me.
Vidya: Hi dear J Can you call me now?
Why do girls always ask the guys to call them? If you ask them, they will give the universal response, ‘Mobile la etho problem pa. Outgoing calls pogave mattenguthu’
Narender: Why dear? Can’t you call me?
Vidya: Hey illa pa. Ennamo theriyala. En mobile la outgoing calls pogave mattenguthu.
Pudhusa nee vera enna solla pora? Anyway I called her.
Narender: Hi Vidya! How are you?
Vidya: Hi Naren! I am fine! How are you?
Romba santhoshama irukken! Unga amma inimel aduthavan kudumbathula kozhappam panna mattaa! Oh God! I was incredibly happy!
Narender: I am very sad dear! Your mother is in hospital illa?
Vidya: Hey no! She was discharged this afternoon. She had minor injuries only.
Narender: MINOR Injuries?! Oh God! That’s very sad!
Vidya: What?!
Narender: I mean… Minor INJURIES?! Oh God! That’s very sad!
Vidya: Yeah! I miss you these days! LLL
Aama! Unga amma car la adipattu eppadiyo uyir pozhachi vanthirukka. Ippo ‘I miss you these days! L’ romba mukkiyama?!
In Gounder’s style, ‘Indha nerathula Avva Avva paattu avasiyamthaana?’
Narender: Me too dear!
The next few days were typical days of my office life. Did I tell you about my office? Well… I will describe it as time proceeds. For now, I will give a brief introduction.
Gunfosys has corporate divisions all over the world. Similar to 2012 predict! ions by scientists, top marketing strategists have predicted that 3/4th of earth’s population will be recruited by Gunfosys before 2018. Most of the offices will be very near to the capitals cities of the state. Say around 200km only. My office is very special to me. I enjoy travelling in the traffic-free road between my office and Chennai where my home is situated. I stay at home only. But the neighbors think I am an occasional visitor. The policeman on the street suspects I am a terrorist because I often get down from a cab late after midnight.
I hate to interact with any fresher in my office. There is a strong reason behind this. I will narrate you a conversation I had with a fresher.
That day, after a hectic schedule I was having tea at the food court when a junior from 2010 batch recognized me and started a conversation.
Fresher: (With a sad face) Cha! Manasukku rumba kashtama irukku na!
Narender: Enda? Project romba difficult ah irukka?
Fresher: Naan Project laye illa na! Athaan kashtama irukku!
Narender: Dei….
Fresher: Oru maasam bench la irundha parava illana… Moonu maasama irukken…
Narender: Thambi nee romba koduthu…
Fresher: (Interrupting) Moonu maasam bayangarama hard work pannaa Team Lead aagalaamnu Gunfosys Pre-placement talk la sonnaangale?
Narender: Dei niruthikoda!….
Fresher: (Interrupting) Bench la romba naal irundha fire panniduvaangalaa na?
Narender: Dei… Ennala mudiyalada!…
Fresher: (Interrupting) Pathu varusham Gunfosys la vela senja ennana aaven?
Narender: Theriyaadhuda…
Fresher: Sollungana… Pathu varusham Gunfosys la vela senja ennana aaven?
Narender: Dei athan naan en vaayaala solla koodaathuda!
Fresher: Thayavu senji sollungana… Pathu varusham Gunfosys la vela senja ennana aaven?
Narender: Dei, inikku velli kezhama da! Naan solla koodaathu da!
Fresher: Anna please sollungana… Pathu varusham Gunfosys la vela senja ennana aaven?
Narender: PONAM aavada!
The fresher disappeared. Just as I finished my tea! my mobile phone rang.
It was my junior from 2011 batch. I had the contact in my mobile, but never messaged him after I finished college.
Oru varushama kandukaathavan, ippo enna thideelnu call pannuraan? Oru vela maathi call pannittano?
Confusedly, I attended the call.
Junior: Hi anna! Eppadi irukeenga?
Narender: Naan nalla irukken pa! Nee eppadi irukka?
Gradually the conversation became very mechanical. Payyan kadaiseela vishayathukku vanthaan.
Junior: Anna! Final year project yethala na pannurathu?
Narender: Huh?...

Junior: I mean, networking la panna worth ah na?
Narender: Thambi oru nimisham…
Junior: Naan ‘Advanced Networking Performance Improvisation With Superior Integrated Machine Language Operations Through Secure Versioning’ la pannalaamnu irukken.
Narender: Thambi enakku light ah thala valikka aarambikkuthu…
Junior: (Interrupting) Aana indha project ah pannaa campus recruitment la advantage kedaikkumaa nu theriyala…
Narender: Dei nee ellaya meeri poikittirukkada!
Junior: (Interrupting)But friends ellam ‘Intelligent Quotient Bandwidth Network Mapping With Advanced XML Utilization’ la pannu nu sollraanga!
Narender: Venaam da! Naan erkanave nonthu poi irukken!
Junior: (Interrupting) Neenga thaan Gunfosys la vela seyyureengale… Campus la indha project pannen nu sonna consider pannuvaangala?
Narender: Konjam porumaya iruda… Nee ethuvum panna ven…
Junior: (Interrupting) Aana naan implant training ethuvum pannalaye?!
I disconnected the call and took a tablet of anacin. ! Ever since I joined Gunfosys I always used to carry a couple of anacin tablets wherever I go.
My headache subsided. Peace returned in sometime. As I was about to leave the food court, my mobile rang again. It was Vidya.

Sarna

9th June 2011, 09:37 AM

ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART III
Vidya: Hey dear! My sister Rubini Priya is returning from onsite!
Narender: Oh! That’s great dear! JJJ
Vidya: She is also working in your office only!
Athaan unga amma vathi vachittale!
Narender: Oh! Is it?! Great! Can you give me her number?
Vidya: Sorry dear! She doesn’t talk much with guys!
Number kodukka mudiyaathuna ‘mudiyaathu’nu sollu. Yen entha ponnume innoru ponnu number ah kodukkave maatraa?
Cha! Kadala podalaamnu number kettane! Miss aagiduche!
Narender: Oh! OK dear! No problem! I asked for emergency purpose only! Don’t mistake me.
Vidya: (To herself) Dei kedi! Nee emergency ku number kekkura aala? Unna pathi enakku theriyaathu? Kadala podurathukku eppadi alaiyuraan paaru! (To me) It’s OK dear. I will never mistake you!
I received another call.
Narender: Hey dear! I am getting another call. Will talk to you later! Bye!
Vidya: Bye dear!
I prayed it should not be my PM. I saw my mobile. It was my PM.
Narender: Hello.
PM: Can you come over to my cubicle?
Narender: Sure. In another five minutes.
I reached his cubicle after 20 minutes.
Narender: Kut Maarning Oppicer!
PM: Narender! We will have your appraisal this evening. Before that, I want to tell you, you are going to be working on PMA project.
Narender: Oh! What happened to the Project I was working on so far?
PM: The clients don’t think the application will be used by them.
Idha thaan naan project aarambikkurathukku munnadiye sonnane!
Narender: Oh!
PM: Unkooda Praveen iruppane! Bayangarama hard work pannuvaane! Enga avan?
Narender: Avan varala oppicer!
PM: Oh! Rombave hard work pannuvaan illa?
Narender: Aamanga oppicer!
PM: Innikki namma intranet homepage la avan photo vanthirukkanume!
Narender: Innikki intranet homepage la avan photo vanthuchaanu theriyala! Aana nethu Hindu newspaper obituary column la avan photo vanthuchi…
PM: Hey! What are you telling man! Avan sethuttaana?
Narender: Aamanga oppicer!
PM: Oh God! This is serious man! Innikki avan project la deployment irukke!
//Gounder: Vadakkapatti Raamasaamy sethu poitaanda!
Senthil: Raamaasaamy ah! Avaru ungalukku panam kodukkanume!
Gounder: Tha!… Sethu poittaandanguren!//
Narender: Ayyo paavame!
PM: Cha! Nalla work pannathukku avanukku client kitta irundhu appreciation mail kooda vandhuchi pa!
Narender: Appreciation mail mattum varala… BP, diabetes, ulcer, appendicitis nu innum nerayave vandhuchi…
PM: Seri atha vidu. You will work with one Ms. Rubini Priya henceforth. She was actually transferred from another unit.
Narender: Rubini Priya?!.
PM: Yeah. I will send a mail regarding this. You can go now.
I went back to my cubicle. Just as I sat down and unlocked my desktop, my PM pinged me.
PM: Hey, what is the status of the project?
Status ah?! Project la pottu rendu nimisham kooda aagalaye!
PM: Contact Rubini Priya and start working on it!
Rubini Priya! Yaar ava? Eppadi iruppa? Yenna designation? SE ah? SS! E ah? TL ah? TA va?
I received an email from my PM sent to me, Rubini Priya and others concerned in my project.

On checking the properties of her contact, I discovered she too was an SE. I pinged her.
Naren! der: Hi J (Smiley included)
Rubini: hi (Smiley missing)
Narender: We will be working together on PMA project. Our TL is in Bangalore.
Rubini: o i c (Note the shortened form of words)
Narender: Did you read the email sent by our PM regarding this?
Rubini: s i red
Appuram enna thenaavattu irundha ‘We will be working together on PMA project’nu sollumpothu ‘o i c’nu solli iruppa?
Narender: I heard you returned from Australia and were transferred to our unit.
Rubini: J
When all a girl enters in the communicator window is a single ‘J’, it means ‘Pesurathukku vera onnum illa. Poi velaya paar’
Then I received an email from Anil, my TL in Bangalore. All members of the project were to be on the conference that afternoon.
Narender: We have a call this afternoon.
Rubini: hmmm
Narender: Shall we go for lunch together?
Rubini: hmmm k
Enna odane othukuttaa? Anyway I was terribly excited and pinged my friends to say that I won’t be joining them for lunch.
Narender: I have work. I won’t be coming for lunch.
Gubendra has been added to the conversation.
Abhishek has been added to the conversation.
Rakesh has been added to the conversation.
Naveen has been added to the conversation.
Jatin has been added to the conversation.
Abhishek: Endha ponnoda da kadala poda pora?
Narender: Dei. Kadala ellam podala da. Unmayilaye vela irukku.
Naveen: Enna vela?
Narender: Oru periya bug da. Ippo thaan paathen.
Rakesh: Ippo thaan oru puthu project la pottathaa kelvi patten? Athukulla bug ah?
Narender: Pazhaya project la bug da.
Gubendra: Seri ethana manikku saappuda pova?
Narender: Athu… Oru 2 o’clock aagidum
Jatin: Parava illa… Naanga wait pannrom… Nee bug ah solve pannitte vaa.
Enna wait pannuromnu sollraan? Eppadiyaavathu kazhandukanume!
After a lot of compulsion, they agreed to leave for lunch. Just then Rubini pinged me.
Rubini: hey sry yaar… hv lots of wrk… cant cum fr lunch…
Adi paavi! Ammavukku ponnu thappaama poranthirukkale! Ippadi kuttaya kozhappi vittuttu poitaale!
I silently got away to have lunch on my own. Without being detected I entered one of the lifts and reached the ground floor. The lift opened. The other lift opened too. My friends came out of that lift and gave me a ‘Figure kazhatti vittuducha?’ look.
Nobody spoke for some time.
Gubendra: Naren… Etho bug irukkunu sonniye da?
Narender: Athu vanthu…
Naveen: (Interrupting) Athukulla solve pannitiya machi?
Narender: Actual ah…
Rakesh: (Interrupting) Oru nimishathula solve pannitiya da? Really great da. You should get on the spot award man!

Enda yeriyura neruppula yennaya oothura?
Narender: Seri neenga ellam endha FC poreenga?
Abhishek: Nee endha FC pora?
Usually we all go to FC1 for lunch.
Narender: Naan FC2 poren da!
Jatin: Scene da! Naangalum FC2 thaan porum!

Sarna

9th June 2011, 09:37 AM

ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART IV
I returned to my cubicle after lunch. Saappidumpothu evvalavu avamaanangal!
I saw that she was still online. I pinged her.
Narender: Hi. I just had my lunch.
Rubini: hmmm me 2
‘me 2’! ; ah? Adiye! Unna ellaam….
Narender: You said you had work?
Rubini: no yaar… it ws a smal issue… solvd it soon…
Pinna endi ‘hv lots of wrk’ nu sonna?
Narender: Oh! You said lots of work J
Rubini: lolz J
‘lolzJ’ ah? Poyi, B4 4th floor la irundhu keezha guthi!
Narender: Fine.
Rubini: srry yaar… don mistake me… v vil go nxt time fr sure…
Aaaniye pudinga venaam!
Narender: Sure J Can you come over here. We need to join the conference now. It would be good if we are together when talking to the Bangalore team.

Rubini: hmmm k
I gave her my cubicle details. She came after a few minutes.
Well. I wouldn’t say she was beautiful. But kind of OK.
After brief introductions, I connected to the bridge. Noise was heard now and then.
(Voice1): …lekin hum nahin…
(Voice2): ...abhi bhi ham karenge…
(Voice1): Jo sab kar rahe Khonference mein…
Ennada hindi padam title aah viduraanunga?!
Narender: (Clearing throat) Ahem… Hi. This is Narender and Rubini from Chennai…
(Voice1): Vaibhav ek minute… Narendhra? Who else do we have on the khaal?
Narender: Rubini… From Chennai. Is this Anil from Bangalore?
(Voice1): Yeah. I have Vaibhav with me. So Narendhra…
Narender: It’s Narender Anil (fake laughter)
Anil: OKhay Narendhra…
Gounder: Pushpam!
Senthil: Puipam!
Their lines got disrupted. Obviously they were north Indians posted in Bangalore. I and Rubini were still on the call.
Voices were heard again.
(Voice1): … lethu raa…
(Voice2): …avunu. Ikkada…
(Voice1): …Conference lu who elsu?
Narender: (Clearing throat) Ahem… Hi. This is Narender and Rubini from Chennai…
(Voice1): Okka nimisham Raju… Hey Narendhar!

Narender: Hi. May I know who I am speaking to?
(Voice1): This is Venkata Ramulu and Vemulapalli Raju…
Narender: Oh! Are you from Hyderabad team?
Ramulu: No… We are from Trivandrum team.
OK. So they were people from Andhra Pradesh posted in Trivandrum. I always used to wonder why this mismatch happens. At this rate a Kerala guy would have been posted at Pune.
Raju: Our Team Lead will join us from Pune. But he is actually from Kerala only.
Nobody else was there, so I decided to take the conversation a little further.
Narender: Oh fine. Your name is Venkata Ramulu. Right?
Now that was a mistake.
Ramulu: No. Actually my name is Chandamalla Kotla Vempati Tulabandu Alluri Gaddam Yandamuri Srivatsa Venkatapathy Srinivasa ! Venkata Ramulu
Sabaa… Ippave kanna kattuthe! Ration card la irukkura pera ellam concatenate panni peru vachitaangalo?
Narender: Oh! Is there a short form for your name?
Ramulu: Actually, what I told you was the short form. The full name is Chandamalla Srigiri…
I asked Rubini to take over and went to the food court to have some strong coffee. With Anacin.
Ten minutes later, I returned to my cubicle.
Ramulu: ... Vanapalli Yellapragada Venkata Ramulu.
Appaada! What a relief!
Raju: My full name is…
Dei venaamda!...
Luckily, their lines got disrupted. There was a voice again. Looked like it was the Keralite from Pune.
(Voice): This is James Mariam Thomas (Read James Merriam Tho-mas) from Pune. Who are in the kone-ference?

Dei… Enthana thadava da intro kodukkurathu… Naan Narender… Ithu Rubini… Inimel yaaravathu ketta evana irundhaalum vettuven!
Narender: (Clearing throat) Ahem… Hi. This is Narender and Rubini from Chennai…
Thomas: Hello… Hi Nyarender and Reubini. Can we get started with the koll?
Narender: Sure Tho-mas… I mean Thomas…
Thomas: O-ver client is from O-stralia… Theyar O-peration is kome-pletely…
Soon teams from Bangalore and Trivandrum joined the kone-ference… I mean conference… By the end of the call, I took 3 Anacin tablets.
Just then my PM pinged me.
PM: Come here. We will have your appraisal now.
I went to his cubicle.
Narender: Sollunga oppicer!
PM: Namma Sin! City INK la Gunfosys ah kalaichu story ezhuthariyame?
Narender: Appadi ellaam illeengo!
PM: Hmmm… Irukkattum. Coming to your appraisal, I am going to give you CRR4
Narender: (laughing in Suriyan Gounder style) He he he J So sad!
PM: Yennu kekka maattiya?
Narender: Yennu ketta mattum CRR1+ koduthuda poreengala?
PM: Therinjikko… You have just met the expectations.
Narender: Nalla vishayam thaana! Vera enna seyyanum?
PM: You should have exceeded the expectation.
Narender: Unga expectation ah exceed pannanumnu expect pannureengala? Appo rendu expectations ah yum sethu orey expectation ah club pannunga… Naan unga expectation ah meet pannuren…
PM: Why didn’t you attend the meeting last week?

Narender: Pannaathathaala companyku ethavathu loss ah?
PM: Nonsense! Our unit head came all the way from Chandigarh.
Narender: Enna paakkurathukkaagava Chandigarh la irundhu vandhaanga? Naan onnum andha alavukku periya aalu illaye!
PM: Stop it! Avanga onnum unna paakka varala!
Narender: Pinna naan vandha enna? Varalana enna?
PM: You had 12 single swipes last month.
Narender: (laughing in Suriyan Gounder style again) Namma company swiping machines ah pathi therinje ippadi kekkureengale!
PM: Look it this mail! There was an escalation in your last project!
Narender: Nalla paarunga… Athu naan project la join pannurathukku oru vaaram munnadi vandha escalation mail.
PM: You have attitude problem.
Narender: Ethavachi appadi sollureenga?
PM: You are questioning me. That’s an attitude problem.
Narender: Naan eppo ungala question pannen?
PM: You are questioning me again.
Narender: Sorrynga oppicer!
PM: Paper…
Narender: Innum konja naal la pottruven… Unga kitta yaar athukullayum sonna?
PM: Nonsense! Have you published any white paper?
Narender: Verum white paper ah ! ;eppadi publish panna mudiyum? Appadiye publish pannalum evan vaanguvaan? Bhaarathamaathaave! So sorry!
PM: Hey you! I meant white paper. Proven solution to a specific problem.
Narender: Enkitta yaarum vanthu, ‘I have a problem. Give me a solution’nu kekkalaye?

PM: Extra effort pottu pannanum.
Narender: Extra effort pottaa extra sambalam tharuveengala?
PM: Why are you starting by 5:00 o’ clock?
Narender: Yenna ella bussum 5:05 kulla full aagiduthey!
PM: Athilla man! You can stay back and work right?
Narender: Naan en velaya 5 o’clock kullaye mudichidurane!
PM: You should help with the migration of your application.
Narender: Naan application development team la thaana irukken. Migration team la il! lave illaye!
PM: You should take responsibility. We are working as a team.
Narender: Oh! Appo neengalum responsibility ah konjam share panni 5 o’clock mela stay pannunga. Onnave 10 o’clock cab la polam!
PM: Get out!
I came out happily. This time my PM took Anacin tablets.

Sarna

9th June 2011, 09:38 AM

ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART V
When I came out I found one of my colleagues standing near as if waiting to console me. He got CRR1+ and it was very evident from the smile on his face that stretched from ear to ear.

Colleague: Feel pannatha machi!
Narender: Naan feel pannave illaye!
Colleague: Unakku yen CRR4 vanthuchi theriyuma?
Narender: Yenna enakku vara vendia CRR1+ endha tiffan box thalayanukko poiduchi… Avan mattum en kaila kedaikkattum… Aama unakku avan yaar nu theriyuma? Therinja sollu…
Colleague: (Gulps)
Narender: Seri… Yenna kaaranamnu nee nenaikkura?
Colleague: Nee daily 5:20 bus la pora illa? Athaan unakku CRR4 kedachuchi!
//Man outside temple: Thevaya unakku! Elani anju roobaikku vitha illa? Athaan unakku kushtam pudichiruchi!
Gounder: Dei! Elani anju roobaikku vithaa kushtam pudikkumaa? Appo black la arisi vikkuravan, javuli vikkuravan, governmenttu sotha yemathi thinguraven, ivanukkellam ennada pudikkum? Ettanaa poda vakkilaadha nai law pesudhu paaru!//
That evening, when I reached home, I found a guest waiting for my arrival. Once again it was Vidya’s mother.
She was bandaged on her head. I really felt sad for her. I wanted to wish her a speedy recovery.
Narender: Aunty, I wish you a speedy recov…
Guest: (Interrupting) Indhappa… Chocolate eduthukko…
Narender: Enna vishesham aunty?
Guest: Vishesham ellam onnumilla pa! Priya onsite la irundhu vanthuttaa! Ava vaangikittu vanthaa!
Narender: Oh! Thanks aunty!
Cha! Ivangala poi thappa nenachittome!
Perhaps she wasn’t that bad after all. I was about to have one bite of the chocolate.
Guest: Munna pinna foreign chocolate saaptu irukkiya pa?
Oye! Nee innum thirundhalaya?!
I tried to change the subject.
Narender: Rotla traffic romba jaasthi aunty… Athaan konjam late ah…
Guest: (Interrupting) Angellaam (referring to Australia) traffic eh irukkaathaampa! Priya sonna!
Narender: Veyyil vera ippo bayangaramaa…
Guest: (Interrupting) Angellaam climate romba cold ah irukkumaampa! Priya sonna!
Narender: Nethu shopping malla….
Guest: (Interrupting) Angellaam shopping malls vithiyaasama irukkumaampa! Priya sonna!
I didn’t talk further and switched on the television. There was a mega serial running.

Guest: Paarupa! Ivlov thooram avamaanappattum avan, avanoda kudumbathukku help panraan paaru!
Narender: Yaaru aunty?
Guest: (Points to a guy in tv) Avan thaampa!
Narender: Enna panrathu aunty! Sila janmangal evlov thaan adi vaangunaalum thiruntha maatraangale!
She became silent for some time.
Guest: (Pointingexcitedly to a girl in the serial) Iva ivlov maasama enga poi irundhaa?
Narender: Yaaru aunty ava?
Guest: Iva thaampa villi oda ponnu! Ivanga amma romba kettava!
Narender: Appo oru vela onsite poi iruppaalo?
She was silent again for a long time. This time I could see her face twitching for revenge.
Guest: Athillapa! Aaru maasam munnadi vantha oru episode la iva kaanaama poittaa!
Narender: Aaru maasam munnadi vantha episode ah correct ah nyabagam vachirukkeengale! Great aunty!
Guest: (Smiling) Romba thanks pa!
Narender: Aana indha ariva neenga padippula kaatti irundheenganna innikku oru doctoraavo, collectoraavo aagirukkalaame?
She took the remaining chocolates that were in a zipper bag and moved towards the door.
Narender: Enna aunty! Athukkulla kelambiteenga?!
Guest: Illapa! Innoruthar veettukku poganum…
Narender: Yaar veettukku aunty?
Guest: Sundaram sir veettukku pa!
Narender: Avanga paiyyan Ashok nethu thaan Americavula irundhu vandhaan aunty! Enga veettukku chocolate eduthukuttu vandhu romba neram mokka pottaan! ‘Amerikkavula traffic eh irukkadhu… Amerikkavula climate romba cold ah irukkum… Amerikkavula shopping malls vithiyaasama irukkum’nu solli saavadichaan! Ivangalukkellam arive kedayaatha? Oruthar veettukku pona eppadi pesanomnu theriyaatha? Neengale sollunga aunty!

She slammed the door and left without a word.
My mobile rang. It was an unknown nu! mber. I picked it up.
(Voice): Hi na. Naan Ramesh. Unga junior. Gunfosys thaan en dream company… Eppadiyaavathu…
(Hi bro! This is Ramesh! Your junior. Gunfosys in my dream company. Somehow I should…)
I disconnected the call.
Dream company! Dream company! Dream company!
My memories took me three years back.

(Voice1): Dei maapla! Indha question ah paarra! ‘Train A is moving at the speed of 268 Kmph. Train B is moving at the speed of 129 Kmph. If a person travels in train A for 53 minutes and then in train B for ! 187 minutes what is the…’
(Voice2): (Interrupting) Dei problem ethuvaa irundhaalum firsttu irukkura units ellaathayum common unit ku convert pannanumda. Ippo nee…
(Voice3): (Interrupting) Ippadi ellaam question kekka maattanunga da… Inga paar oru SMS vandhirukku… Ippadi thaan keppaanga… ‘Gunfy aptitude question: I am an 8 lettered word. My first 3 letters form an animal. My 6th and 7th letters are the same. My 4th, 5th and 6th letters are…’
(Voice4): (Interrupting) Machi! Nee anga pesurathula thaanda irukku… Un confidence ah mattum thaan paappaanga! Athanaala nee…
2008 – Placement season.
(Voice1): Dei Narender enga da?
(Voice2): Avan oru mukkiyamaana matter aah senior oda phone pesikittirukkaanda!

A guy wearing round neck t-shirt and boot cut jeans was standing near the corner of the already crowded hostel room, talking to his senior over phone. That was me, three years back.

Narender: (Interrupting) But friends ellam ‘Intelligent Quotient Bandwidth Network Mapping With XML Utilization’ la pannu nu sollraanga!
Senior: Venaam da! Naan erkanave nonthu poi irukken!
Narender: (Interrupting) Neenga thaan Gunfosys la vela seyyureengale… Campus la indha project pannen nu sonna consider pannuvaangala?
Senior: Konjam porumaya iruda… Nee ethuvum panna ven…
Narender: (Interrupting) Aana naan implant training ethuvum pannalaye?!

The line was disconnected.