A joke per day...keeps the doctor away!

[A_Ajith]

Boy : Namba love mattera veetla medhuva soliten

Girl : Very Good, adhuku veetula ena sonanga?

Boy : Medhuva sonadhala avanga kaadhula vizhala

:P

[mgb]

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring. He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, ' My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'

She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

'My dear child,' said the nun, 'Why are you crying?'
'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party!'

[ajithfederer]

mgb, :rotfl:

[Shakthiprabha.]

c1 : andha ENT doctor oru cinema payithiyama ? eppadi ?

c2 : Naaka muka doctor-nu boardla ezhudhi irukke....

(courtesy : kumudham)

:D

[Shakthiprabha.]

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived.

The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.

:lol2: goodone.

[Shakthiprabha.]

A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his prize possession.. .even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house.

After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!"

:D

[Shakthiprabha.]

"Take a pencil and paper," the teacher said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire'"

Everyone but Philip, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously.

"What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?"

"I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied.

Thats WIT :clap:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Boy : Namba love mattera veetla medhuva soliten

Girl : Very Good, adhuku veetula ena sonanga?

Boy : Medhuva sonadhala avanga kaadhula vizhala

:P

:rotfl2:

[viraajan]

[tscii:b91d691d53]One day, a fisherman got up very early. There wasn’t enough sunlight for him to get into the sea. He saw a pack of stones at his footstep. To pass time, he started throwing the stones one by one into the sea.

While having the last stone in hand, the sun rose. Then only he realized that the stones were diamond. He felt for his misfortune of throwing them into the sea. :(
.
.
.
.
.
.

Moral of the story: Don’t get up early... :lol:
[/tscii:b91d691d53]

[viraajan]

Vivek Calling Mu.Ka. Stalin in midnight...

Vivek: Stalin sir veedungala.... Stalin sir-a pesuradhu...
Stalin: Aama... Stalin here...
Vivek: Neenga verum mu.ka stalina? illa Naka Muka stalin-ah... :lol:
Stalin: ??????

[steveaustin]

Vivek Calling Mu.Ka. Stalin in midnight...

Vivek: Stalin sir veedungala.... Stalin sir-a pesuradhu...
Stalin: Aama... Stalin here...
Vivek: Neenga verum mu.ka stalina? illa Naka Muka stalin-ah... :lol:
Stalin: ??????

:rotfl: :rotfl:

[sarna_blr]

Vivek Calling Mu.Ka. Stalin in midnight...

Vivek: Stalin sir veedungala.... Stalin sir-a pesuradhu...
Stalin: Aama... Stalin here...
Vivek: Neenga verum mu.ka stalina? illa Naka Muka stalin-ah... :lol:
Stalin: ??????

:rotfl: :rotfl:

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: Vidhya :thumbsup: kalakkureenga :P

[viraajan]

:ty: Sarna....

That wasn't by me... a forwarded sms... i just shared :yes:

[app_engine]

http://afp.google.com/article/ALeqM5iHX7c4q5OW9ATvKnAWp80yKD5bIQ

US comedians sharpen claws for Obama presidency

=======
a sample from this article :

But satirical newspaper The Onion is already plunging ahead into the era of Obama humor.

The latest issue carries this story under the headline "Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job."

"African-American man Barack Obama, 47, was given the least-desirable job in the entire country Tuesday when he was elected president of the United States of America....

"As part of his duties, the black man will have to spend four to eight years cleaning up the messes other people left behind."

======

[P_R]

:lol:

There is a youtube video of press conference of the first Black US president: Richard Pryor :lol:

[aanaa]

:rotfl:

[MrIndia]

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves

whether computer should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.

[mgb]

கணவன்: என் கோபத்த தூண்டாதே :evil: எனக்குள்ள இருக்கற மிருகத்த உசுப்பி விட்டுடாதே.. ஆமாம் :twisted:

மனைவி: நான் எலிக்கெல்லாம் பயப்படறவ இல்ல :poke:

[NOV]

looking at your avathar, while reading your joke ganesh :rotfl:

[mgb]

பையன்: என்னப்பா இங்க நெறய வெண்புறா இருக்கும்னு கூட்டிகிட்டு வந்த.. ஆன இங்க வெறும் காக்காதான் இருக்கு ? :evil:

அப்பா: வெண்புறாதான்டா.. மெட்ராஸ்'ல அடிக்கிற வெயில்ல கருத்து போச்சு :P

[mgb]

looking at your avathar, while reading your joke ganesh :rotfl: :rotfl: naanum adhathaan nenachchen :P

[mgb]

கணவன்: ஆனாலும் என்னை நீ ரொம்ப வேலை வாங்கற :(

மனைவி: அப்படி என்ன வேலை வாங்கிட்டேன் :evil:

கணவன்: நீ பெப்சி உமாவுக்கு போன் பண்ணபோது, அவ "பத்து தேய்க்கற உங்க புருஷன சத்தம் வராம தேய்க்க சொல்லுங்கோ"னு சொன்னதால, எல்லாருக்கும் தெரிஞ்சு போச்சு :cry2:

[Shakthiprabha.]

பையன்: என்னப்பா இங்க நெறய வெண்புறா இருக்கும்னு கூட்டிகிட்டு வந்த.. ஆன இங்க வெறும் காக்காதான் இருக்கு ? :evil:

அப்பா: வெண்புறாதான்டா.. மெட்ராஸ்'ல அடிக்கிற வெயில்ல கருத்து போச்சு :P

:lol2:

[NOV]

பையன்: என்னப்பா இங்க நெறய வெண்புறா இருக்கும்னு கூட்டிகிட்டு வந்த.. ஆன இங்க வெறும் காக்காதான் இருக்கு ? :evil:

அப்பா: வெண்புறாதான்டா.. மெட்ராஸ்'ல அடிக்கிற வெயில்ல கருத்து போச்சு :P

:lol2:watch Seval movie... where vadivelu is shown white and black elephants :rotfl:

[Shakthiprabha.]

I never knew a movie called SEAL existed :shock:

[NOV]

nallaa paarunga SP :lol2:

[mgb]

[tscii:9f9e0912e6]Yoga teacher to a Woman: Has yoga any effect over your husband’s drinking habit ?

Woman: Yes, Yes !! An amazing effect !! Now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down.
[/tscii:9f9e0912e6]

[viraajan]

A Thrilling Family Story: :bow:

Movie: Sonthosh Ramayanam
Cast: Mom, Dad, Son (hero)

Plot:

Hero sees a girl and falls in love with her. Fortunately, she comes to the opposite of his house. Hero on cloud nine. Love goes smoothly after hero's proposal. One day, dad sees him with that girl.

---INTERMISSION----

Dad: Are you in love with that girl?
Son: Yes, I love her. I'll marry her.
Dad is shocked (Violin in BGM) Tension grips. Few closeup shots.
Dad: Thats not possible,. You should not marry that gal.
Son: Why?
Dad: Coz, she is your sister... So you cannot marry her.
Mom and Son shocked. (Violin in BGM).
Here is the twist in the story. Mom enters.
Mom: Dont worry. I'll arrange your marriage.
Dad: No. He should not marry her.
Son: How?
Dad: How?
Son: Tel me ma, how can i marry her?
Mom: Coz, you are not your dad's son.

---Subam---

:rotfl:

[Shakthiprabha.]

vr,

:lol2:

nov,

u edited :D

[ksen]

:cry2:

[mgb]

:cry2:no no.. joke thread'la vandhu no crying :evil: :P

[mgb]

புகழ்வதில் நீ ஒரு "Gentleman" 8-)

கடலை போடுவதில் நீ ஒரு "முதல்வன்" :P

தேசபற்றில் நீ ஒரு "இந்தியன்" :thumbsup:

குடுத்த கடனை திருப்பி கேட்டால் மட்டும் ஏனட "அந்நியன்" ஆகிறாய் :(

[Shakthiprabha.]

:cry2:

Sathyama ithukku thaan naan vaay vittu sirichen :rotfl2:

[Lambretta]

:cry2:
:notthatway:

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=25Moioh7OqY

:D

[app_engine]

U.S. comedians are not leaving Bush alone.

Obama visited whitehouse yesterday and was given a tour by Bush.

A couple I heard on the radio this morning :

-Obama trying to open a cup-board while Bush in a frenzy to stop him 'No-no-don't open that'. Obama opens anyways and a bunch of UNOPENED papers fell each with title 'intelligence report'

The radio dj himself said the next one is a cliche - anyway that one goes like this:

-Obama had a meeting with Bush in the oval room on status of all matters and afterwards met with Cheney for 'actual' status:-)

[NOV]

Doctor : I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.

Woman : Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)

Doctor : Did you understand what I just told you?

Woman : Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?

Doctor : Then why are you so happy?

Woman : Because that proves that I have a brain!

[sarna_blr]

http://www.tamilpeek.com/watch.php?vid=1160$B ( copy paste in IE )


http://www.tamilpeek.com/videos.php?id=1160&cat=26#

:yessir:

[ksen]

McCain was asked, after he lost the election to Obama . . .

"How did you sleep?"

He answered "I slept like a baby . . . . . .

I was getting up every two hours and crying!"

[aanaa]

:lol:

[NOV]

A nine year old boy asks his mother, "Is God male or female?"

After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well God is both male and female."

This confuses the boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"

"Well," she says, "God is both black and white."

This really confuses the boy, so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?" Feeling a bit out of her depth, but wanting to be consistent, the mother answers, "Honey, God is both gay and straight."

At this the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks...

"Is Michael Jackson God?"

[viraajan]

:lol:

[NOV]

Woman: I haven't slept all night in the train.

Friend: Why?

Woman: Got upper berth.

Friend: Why didn't u exchange?

Woman: Oye! There was nobody to exchange in the lower berth.

[NOV]

A woman went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C.
After seeing the Form she had gone to Delhi for filling it up.

You know why?

Form said:'Fill Up In Capital.'.

[NOV]

A woman is standing below a tube light with an open mouth.

Husband asks why?

She replies, because the doctor advised her to take a light dinner.

[NOV]

A woman professor asked a plumber to come to the college, because she wanted to check where the question paper was leaking.

[NOV]

A woman finally found the answer to the most difficult question ever.

Which will come first, chicken or egg?

Kannu, what ever you order first, will come first.

[Querida]

it's sad when you change jokes just to include women :roll: :sigh2:

[NOV]

What does a woman do after taking a Xerox?

She will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

[NOV]

A woman is with her daughter in McDonalds.

Woma: Drink quickly.

Daughter: Why?

Woman: Hot coffee Rs 20 and cold coffee Rs 30

[NOV]

Woman at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon madam, that's a mirror!

[NOV]

A woman visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.

Friend says 'Chin Yu Yan' and dies.

Woman goes to China to find meaning of friend's last words.

It is 'You are standing on the oxygen tube!'

[NOV]

it's sad when you change jokes just to include women :roll: :sigh2:if this is the punchline, where is the joke? :huh:

p/s: Que, where did you disappear for so long :evil:

[Querida]

it's sad when you change jokes just to include women :roll: :sigh2:if this is the punchline, where is the joke? :huh:

p/s: Que, where did you disappear for so long :evil:

the joke is the length that you go to :P

p/s: i told you before i went on hiatus! :roll:

[viraajan]

Tamilnadu's funny state :lol:

1 Rose costs Rs. 2.50 :shock:
1 Kg rice costs Re. 1 :cool:

Enna Koduma CM idhu :huh:

--
By,

Girlfriend-ku Rose kodukkama 1 KG rice koduppor Sangam :rotfl:

[Thirumaran]

Girlfriend-ku Rose kodukkama 1 KG rice koduppor Sangam :rotfl:

:lol2:

Unga sangathukaaga, TN govt going to announce a scheme of selling rose (flower :lol2: ) for 10 paisa in ration shops :clap:

[Thirumaran]

Three engineers in a car


There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer
and a Software engineer expert on Microsoft Technologies. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and
the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying
to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineer, not knowing much
about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked
somewhere.
Then, the engineer expert on Microsoft technologies , not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion,
"Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again,
and maybe it'll work ?"

[viraajan]

Six things boys do in an Exam Hall.

1. Counting the no. of girls.
2. Asking for water to drink or asking for a break.
3. Seeing through windows who is passing out the exam hall.
4. Seeing the brand name of the pen.
5. Feeling for wasting the last night by studying.
6. Think to study well atleast for next exam.

Six things that girls do in Exam hall. (Even if they know or they dont know).

1. Write...
2. Write...
3. Write...
4. Write...
5. Write...
6. Write...

:rotfl:

[ajithfederer]

New Exam pattern in India(Revised):
1. General students - Answer ALL questions.

2. OBC - WRITE ANY one question.

3. SC - ONLY READ questions.
4. ST - THANKS FOR COMING..

AND

5. Gujjars/Jats - THANKS FOR ALLOWING OTHERS TO ATTEND THE EXAMINATION .. !!

CHEERS TO RESERVATION

From sachin orkut community

[ajithfederer]

A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his
operation.

"What's the matter?" he was asked.

He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't
worry, I'm sure it will be all right."

"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"

"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!!!!!!!!!!!!"

[ajithfederer]

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization" , a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

:rotfl:

http://www.orkut.com/Main#CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=23803&tid=5200467460033168201&na=4&nst=185&nid=23803-5200467460033168201-5216091185210994894
sach orkut community again

[NOV]

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.

The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered.

The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance.

Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprights the motorcycle and pushed it outside.

Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.

The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home. After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance.

The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his arm.

This story redefines what it is to have a bad day.

[NOV]

A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister
pulled his hair.

"Don't be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn't
realize that pulling hair hurts."

A short while later, there's more crying, and the Mother goes to
investigate.

This time the sister is bawling and her brother says...

"Now she knows."

[NOV]

Little Susan was mother's helper. She helped set the table when
company was due for dinner. Presently everything was on, the guest
came in, and everyone sat down. Then Mother noticed something was
missing.

"Susan," she said, "You didn't put a knife and fork at Mr. Smith's
place."

"I thought he wouldn't need them," explained Susan. "Daddy says he
always eats like a horse!"

[NOV]

A little girl asked her mother:

"Can I go outside and play with the boys?"

Her mother replied: "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too
rough."

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked: "If I
can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

[NOV]

One evening, a four-year-old child came in while his mom was setting the
table for supper. Quite surprisingly, he asked if he could help. His
mother said, "No, but I appreciate your asking."

The child responded, "Well, I appreciate your saying no."

[NOV]

A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom,
guess what? We learned how to make babies today."

The mother, more that a little surprised, asked fearfully, "That's
interesting. How do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and
add 'es'."

[NOV]

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

[NOV]

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause]

"Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

[NOV]

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

[NOV]

Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

[ksen]

This story redefines what it is to have a bad day.

:lol: good collection ( for once no women-bashing, innikku target engineersaa? :lol2: )

[Lambretta]

A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister
pulled his hair.

"Don't be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn't
realize that pulling hair hurts."

A short while later, there's more crying, and the Mother goes to
investigate.

This time the sister is bawling and her brother says...

"Now she knows."

:lol: This one's good! :lol2:

[steveaustin]

[tscii:f0a854b32d]டாக்டர் என் மனைவி ஓவரா டி.வி. பாக்குறா”
எந்த அளவுக்கு பாக்குறாங்க?
”கரண்ட் கட்டானாலும், டார்ச் அடிச்சி பாக்குற அளவுக்கு!!!

சார், டீ மாஸ்டர்டீ போடறாரு,
பரோட்டா மாஸ்டர்பரோட்டா போடறாரு,
மேக்ஸ் மாஸ்டர்மேக்ஸ் போடறாரு,
நீங்க ஹெட்மாஸ்டர் தானேஏன் மண்டய போட மாட்டேங்கிறீங்க?…

என்னதான் கிளி கீ..கீ.. என்று கத்தினாலும்,அதால ஒரு லாக்கை கூட ஒப்பன் பண்ண முடியாது.

ஒரு சீனா நாட்டு தம்பதிக்கு முதல் குழந்தை,அவங்களை மாதிரியே நல்லா சிகப்பாபிறந்தது. அதுக்கு ”சிங்- சாங்-பங்” குன்னு பேர் வச்சாங்க. இரண்டவதுகுழந்தையும் கொளுகொளுன்னு சிகப்பா பிறந்தது. அதுக்கு ”ரீங்- சாங்-சிங்”குன்னு பேர் வச்சாங்க. ஆனா… மூணாவதா பிறந்த குழந்தை, நீக்ரோ மாதிரிகறுப்பா பிறந்தது. அதுக்கு என்ன பேர் வச்சிருப்பாங்க? ”தெரியலையே””சம்- திங்-ராங்”குன்னு.

”நம்ம பையன் எங்க பணம் வைத்தாலும் எடுத்திட்டு போயிடறாங்க”
”அவனுடைய காலேஜ் புத்தகத்தில் வை…. பத்திரமா இருக்கும்” ஒரு காப்பி எவ்வளவு சார் ?5 ரூபாய்.எதிர்த்த கடையில 50 காசுன்னு எழுதியிருக்கே ?டேய். சாவுகிராக்கி அது XEROX காப்பிடா!

நீங்க உடனடியா மீன், ஆடு, கோழி சாப்பிடுவதை நிறுத்த வேண்டும்.
அதுக சாப்பிடுவதை நான் எப்படி நிறுத்த முடியும் டாக்டர்?

அப்பா 5 + 5 எவ்வளவு?
மடையா, அறிவு இல்லே, வெட்கமாக இல்லே உனக்கு, இது கூட தெரியாதா? சரி, சரி அந்தகால்குலேட்டரை எடுத்து வா நான் பார்த்து சொல்றேன்.

இன்பத்திலும் சிரி,துன்பத்திலும் சிரி,சிரிச்சுக்கிட்டே இரு
அப்பதான் நீ லூசுன்னுஎல்லாரும் நம்புவாங்க………

காலிஃ பிளவரை’ தலையில் வைக்க முடியாது
எலக்ட்ரி’ சிட்டி’யில் தங்க முடியாது
கள்ளிப்’ பாலில்’ காபி போட முடியாது
கோல’ மாவில்’ பூரி போட முடியாது
கோல்டு’ பில்டரை அடகு வைக்க முடியாது- இது மாதிரிஉன்னையும் குளிக்க வைக்க முடியாது!
-குளிக்கும்போது யோசிப்போர் சங்கம்

நண்பா நீ கம்ப்யூட்டர் முன்னாடி உட்காந்தா, அது என்ன நினைக்கும் தெரியுமா?
Intel insideMental outside !!!
- மல்லுக்கட்டி யோசிப்போர் ச?ங்க?ம்

நண்பா உன் எதிர்காலம்நீ காணும் கனவுகளில்தான் இருக்கிறது!
அதனால…
சீக்கிரமா தூங்கப் போடா கண்ணு!

உன்னை யாரவதுலூசுன்னு சொன்னா???..
கவலை படாதே!
வருத்த படாதே!
ஃபீல் பண்ணாதே!
உங்களுக்கு எப்படிதெரியும்ன்னு கேள் !!!

என்னதான் கராத்தேலபிளாக்பெல்ட்டுனாலும்தெருநாய் தொரத்தினாஓடத்தான் செய்யணும்!

வாழை மரம்‘தார்’ போடும்ஆனால் அதை வச்சுநம்மால‘ரோடு’ போட முடியாதே!

நாய்க்கு நாலு கால் இருக்கலாம்,ஆனால், அதாலலோக்கல் கால்,எஸ்.டி. டி.கால்,ஐ.எஸ்.டி. கால்ஏன் ஒரு மிஸ்டு கால் கூடப் பண்ண முடியாது.
- விஞ்ஞானரீதியா யோசிப்போர் சங்கம்

ஓட்டல்ல காசுக் கொடுக்கலன்னாமாவாட்டச் சொல்வாங்கபஸ்ல காசுக் கொடுக்கலன்னாபஸ் ஓட்டச்சொல்வாங்களா?
- கஷ்டப்பட்டு யோசிப்போர் சங்கம்

டாக்டர் உங்களைச்சந்திக்கனும் நீங்க எப்ப “ஃப்பிரி”
எப்ப வந்தாலும் நான் “ஃப்பிரி” இல்ல “பீஸ்” வாங்குவேன்

அரண்மனைக்குள்ளே அடிக்கடி சரிங்சு விழுந்து காயம் பண்ணிக்கிறீங்களே மன்னா!
அதற்காக நீங்கள் கொற்றவனுக்குச் சென்ற இடமெல்லாம் சிராய்ப்பு’னுபாட்டெழுதுற்தா?!

என்ன சார், நீங்க யூனிவர்சிட்டியில வேலை செய்யறதாசொன்னீங்க. ஆனா வீட்டுல சமையல்செய்துட்டிருக்கீங்க?நல்லதொரு குடும்பம் பல்கலைக்கழகம்னு உங்களுக்கு தெரியாதா…?!

தண்டோரா போடுபவனை மன்னர் ஏன் தண்டிக்கிறாரு?
இளவரசியை அடக்குபவருக்கு காளை பரிசு’ன்னு மாற்றிச் சொல்லிட்டானாம்!!

பெப்ஸிக்கு சூர்யா… கோக்குக்கு விஜய்… ஃபேண்டாவுக்கு சிம்ரன்… கவலையேபடாதே மாமு’ கோலி சோடவுக்கு உன்னை விட்டா யாரும்மில்லை’

இன்னிக்கி 8 மணிக்கு கடுமையான மழையும் காற்றும் வரும்னு டி.வி யில சொன்னாங்க.நீங்க கேட்டீங்களா?
இல்லை அவங்களே சொன்னங்க…

என்னதான் நீங்க புத்திசாலியாக இருந்தாலும் பல்லு விலக்கும் போது இளிச்சவாயன்தான்.

செல்போனுக்கும் மனிதனுக்கும் என்ன வித்தியாசம்? மனிதனுக்கு கால் இல்லன்னாபேலன்ஸ் பண்ண முடியாது.செல்போனில் பேலன்ஸ் இல்லன்னா கால் பண்ண முடியாது.

வாளமீன்???
வின்டோஸ்க்கும் லினக்ஸ்க்கும் கல்யாணம்.அந்த அப்ளிகேஷன் சாப்ட்வேர் எல்லாம் ஊர்வலம்.இன்டர்நெட்டில் நடக்குதய்யா திருமணம்.அந்த டிவைஸ் டிரைவர்க்கு எல்லாம் கும்மாளம்.கல்யாணமா கல்யாணம்.கல்யாணமா கல்யாணம்.மாப்பிள்ளை சி ஸ்ட்ராங்கான ஆளுங்கோ,மணப்பொண்ணு சி+ + தானுங்கோ,இந்த திருமணத்தை நடத்தி வைக்கும் பெரிய மனுஷர் யாருங்கோ…?தலைவரு பில்கேட்ஸ் தானுங்கோ.

Thatstamil.com
[/tscii:f0a854b32d]

[steveaustin]

Teacher : Oxygen is must for breathing. It was discovered in 1773.

Sardar : Thank God, I was born after that.

[directhit]

A burglar is in big trouble

A burglar has just made it into the house he's intending ransacking, and he's looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"

Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his business.

"I can see you, and so can Jesus!"

The burglar jumps again, and takes a longer look around the room. Over in the corner by the window, almost obscured by curtains, is a cage in which sits a parrot, who pipes up again, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"

"So what," says the burglar, "you're only a parrot!"

To which the parrot replies, "Maybe, but Jesus is a rottweiler!"

[NOV]

[tscii] Footballers are so educated :rotfl:


My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7. '
David Beckham


'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.'
Mark Viduka


'Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had.'
David Beckham


'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of
bed at the end of the day.'
Neville Southall


'I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.'
Paul Gascoigne


'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and
hopefully after that as well.'
Alan Shearer


'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona .'
Mark Draper


'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll
win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out.'
Peter Shilton


'I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester .'
Stan Collymore


'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham . My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing.'
Ade Akinbiyi


'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.'
Ian Wright


'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.'
Ugo Ehiogu


‘ Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough.'
Jonathan Woodgate


'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.'
Stuart Pearce


'I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my
right.'
Lee Hendrie


'I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.'
Ian Rush


‘ Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11
internationals out there today.'
Steve Lomas


'I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my
right sock.'
Barry Venison


'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into
what religion yet.'
David Beckham


'The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more European.'
Phil Neville


'All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.'
Mitchell Thomas


'One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.'
Alan Shearer


'I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.'
Johnny Giles


'Sometimes in football you have to score goals.'
Thierry Henry

[NOV]

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods!


A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!

[NOV]

After the college boy delivered the pizza to Cecil's trailer house, Cecil asked: "What is the usual tip?"

"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."

"Is that so?" snorted Cecil. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."

"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."

"What are you studying?" asked Cecil.

The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."

[NOV]

A man was giving a speech at his club meeting. He got a bit carried away and talked for two hours. Finally, he realized what he had done and said, "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home."

A voice from the back of the room replied, "There's a calendar behind you..."

[NOV]

Ira and Esther Goldberg had a large family of seven healthy children. They moved to America from Europe and were having a difficult time finding an apartment to live in. Many apartments were large enough, but the landlords objected to such a large family. After several days of unsuccessful searching, Ira asked Esther to take the four younger children to visit the cemetery, while he took the older three to find an apartment. After they had looked most of the morning, they found a place that was just right. The landlord asked the usual question: "How many children do you have?"

Ira answered with a deep sigh, "Seven...but four are with their dear mother in the cemetery."

He got the apartment!

[sm maddy]

BLONDE JOKES!!!!!!

A blonde walks into the hairdresser with headphones on. She asks the woman working there for a haircut. The blonde sits down in the chair. The woman takes the blonde's headphones off and cuts her hair. At the end, the woman asks how she likes her hair but, to her surprise the blonde is dead! The woman picks up the headphones and listens.
She hears: “Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out."



An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?"; the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"


A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find any buyers. She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car.
"235,000 miles." Her friend told her that was the problem. But the blonde's friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whatever she wanted. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40,000. Two days later the blond's friend asked her if she sold the car since her brother dropped the miles. The blonde told her, "Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!"


Q: What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
A: A Frosted Flake.



A blonde and a brunette both jump off a cliff at the same time. Which one will hit the bottom first?

The brunette, because the blonde has to ask for directions.



A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.



Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?

A: Pull the pin and throw it back.




Q: How many blonde jokes are there?

A: None. All are true stories.

[littlemaster1982]

How To Install Software -- A 12-Step Program

by Dave Barry from his new book Dave Barry In Cyberspace

1. Examine the software packaging until you find a little printed box that explains what kind of computer system you need to run the
software.

It should look something like this:

SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS
2386 PROCESSOR OR HIGHER
628.8 MEGAHERTZ MODEM
719.7 MB FREE DISK SPACE
3546 MB RAM
432323 MB ROM
05948737 MB RPM
ANTILOCK BRAKING SYSTEM
2 TURTLE DOVES

NOTE: This software will not work on your computer.

2. Open the software packaging and remove the manual. This will contain detailed instructions on installing, operating, and
troubleshooting the software. Throw it away.

3. Find the actual software, which should be in the form of either a 3.5-inch floppy diskette or a CD-ROM, located inside a sealed envelope
that says:

LICENSING AGREEMENT:

By breaking this seal, the user hereinafter agrees to abide by all the terms and conditions of the following agreement that nobody ever reads, as well as the Geneva Convention and the U.N. Charter and the
Secret Membership Oath of the Benevolent Protective Order of the Elks and such other terms and conditions, real and imaginary, as the Software Company shall deem necessary and appropriate, including the right to come to the user's home and examine the user's hard drive, as well as the user's underwear drawer if we feel like it, take it or leave it, until death do us part, one nation indivisible, by the
dawn's early light,...finders keepers, losers weepers, thanks you've been a great crowd, and don't forget to tip your servers.

4. Hand the software to a child aged 3 through 12 and say, "(Name of child), please install this on my computer."

5. If you have no child age 3 through 12, insert the software in the appropriate drive, type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.

6. Turn the computer on, you idiot.

7. Once again type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.

8. You will hear grinding and whirring noises for a while, after which the following message should appear on your screen:

The Installation Program will now examine your system to see what would be the best way to render it inoperable. Is it OK with you?
Choose one, and be honest:

+-------++------------+
| YES || SURE |
+-------++------------+

9. After you make your selection, you will hear grinding and whirring or a very long time while the installation program does God knows what
in there. Some installation programs can actually alter molecular structures, so that when they're done, your computer has been
transformed into an entirely new device, such as a food processor. At the very least, the installation program will create many new
directories, sub-directories, sub-sub-directories, on your hard drive and fill them with thousands of mysterious files with names like "puree.exe," "fester.dat," and "doo.wha."

10. When the installation program is finished, your screen should display the following message:

CONGRATULATIONS

The installation program cannot think of anything else to do to your computer and has grown bored. You may now attempt to run your software. If you experience any problems, electrical shocks, insomnia,
shortness of breath, nasal discharge, or intestinal parasites, you should immediately *!@!$)$%@&*^)$*!#$_$*^&

11. At this point your computer system should become less functional than the federal government, refusing to respond even when struck with furniture.

12. Call the toll-free Technical Support Hotline number listed on the package and wait on the line for a representative, who will explain to
you, in a clear, step-by-step manner, how to adopt a child aged 3 through 12.

[littlemaster1982]

Believe it or not...this is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.

US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.

CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!

US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA*, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!

CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

[littlemaster1982]

[tscii:62694e3368]Performance Appraisal and what it means...

Great Presentation Skills - Able to bullsh*t

Good Communication Skills - Spends lots of time on phone

Average Employee - Not too bright

Exceptionally Well Qualified - Made no major blunders yet

Work Is First Priority - Too ugly to get a date

Active Socially - Drinks a lot

Family Is Active Socially - Spouse drinks, too

Independent Worker - Nobody knows what he/she does

Quick Thinking - Offers plausible excuses

Careful Thinker - Won't make a decision

Aggressive – Obnoxious

Uses Logic On Difficult Jobs - Gets someone else to do it

Expresses Themselves Well - Speaks English

Meticulous Attention To Detail - A nit picker

Has Leadership Qualities - Is tall or has a loud voice

Exceptionally Good Judgment – Lucky

Keen Sense Of Humor - Knows a lot of dirty jokes

Career Minded - Back Stabber

Loyal - Can't get a job anywhere else

[/tscii:62694e3368]

[directhit]

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer. You are in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way." I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

[ksen]

After All These Years!!!

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.

Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot . . .

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.

"We missed the R ! We missed the R ! We missed the R !"

His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"

With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was...








"CELEBRATE !!!"

[Shakthiprabha.]

:rotfl2:

[P_R]

ஒரு சின்ன பையனாண்ட ஒரு மைனா பறவை கட்சிதாம். அத்த வச்சு எப்பப்பாரும் வெள்யாடிக்னேர்ந்தானாம். அதுக்கு தண்ணி வைக்கிறதும், சோறு வைக்கிறதும் 'னு ஒரே ஜாலில இருந்தானாம்.

ஒரு நாளு அவன் ஸ்கூலுக்கு போக சொல்லொ மைனா செத்து பூட்ச்சு.அம்மாக்காரிக்கு ஒரே பீலிங்கா ஆயிட்ச்சு," அய்யோ கொயந்த திருனிவந்து இத்த பாத்த அயிவுமே'ன்னு சொல்ட்டு.

ஸ்கூல் உட்டு வந்ததும் பையனுக்கு நாஸ்தா குட்தப்புறம் அம்மா மெதுவா சொன்னாளாம்.."ராஜா....ஒரு விசயம்....அளுவாம கேளு.....உன் மைனா செத்து பூட்சுப்பா.....நீ அத்த பார்க்க வோணாம்னு சொல்லி நானே பொதச்டேம் பா" ன்னு பயந்துகின்னே சொன்னானாம்.

"ஓ..அப்பிடியா" அப்பிடின்னு கேட்டுக்கினு பம்பரம் எட்துன்னு விளையாட கிளம்பிட்டாம் பையன். அம்மாக்காரிக்கு ஆச்சர்யம். இன்னாடா இது, இவ்வளோ சுளுவா முடிஞ்சிட்ச்சி...பையன் இவ்ளோ லேசா எட்துக்குனானேன்னு.

விளையாடி முட்சிட்டு நைட்டுக்கா வீட்டுக்கு வந்த பையன் "மைனா எங்கம்மா ?" ன்னு கேட்டானாம். "அதான் செத்துப்பூட்ச்சுன்னு சொன்னனடா" ன்னு அம்மா சொல்லிகிறா.

உடனே புரண்டு புரண்டு அய ஆரம்பிச்சிட்டுனாம். கத்தி கத்தி அயரான், ஒண்ணியும் நிக்கிறா மாதிரி இல்ல.
"டேய்...இத்தயே தானடா மத்தியானம் சொன்னேன்...அப்பொ அயுவாம....இப்ப இன்னாதுக்கு கத்தற?"ன்னாளாம்.

பையன் அயிதுகினே சொன்னானாம்: "நீ அப்போ மைனாவை பத்தியா சொன்ன ? நான் நைனா 'ன்னு நென்ச்சேன்"

[ksen]

:rotfl:

[priya32]

பி.ஆர். நீங்க எழுதின இஷ்டைலு...படா சோக்கா கீது! :clap: :lol:

[Shakthiprabha.]

:lol:

[Shakthiprabha.]

How To Install Software -- A 12-Step Program



:lol2:

[Shakthiprabha.]

CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Ive read it as a forwarded joke :)

[P_R]

:lol: :)

[Shakthiprabha.]

:lol: :)

:P

[dev]

maina-naina joke: :lol:

[Sanguine Sridhar]

Was reading AV old jokes [1960-70's]!!! :rotfl: classic... :lol:

Samples

x : Enakku car otta kathukka 3 maasam aachu.

Y: Appadiya? Enakku 3 car aachu.

:rotfl:

X: Yenpa un payyana ippadi adikira?
Y: Avvan paritchai result adutha vaaram varudhu, aana appo oorula naan irrukka maatene...!!

:lol:

[Querida]

:lol:

What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
Damn! :mrgreen:

A french fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hey , could I get a beer please?"
The bartender looks at him and shaking his head saya "No, we don't serve food here."

Two cannibals were eating clowns
One said "does this taste funny to you?"

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
el-if-i-no (hell if i know)

[Querida]

Bushisms

Health Warning: the range of emotions one may go through when reading the following may not always be :lol: but may include :x :roll: :hammer: :banghead: and :curse: Please be advised.

"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." - September 2000, explaining his energy policies at an event in Michigan.

-"Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?" - January 2000, during a campaign event in South Carolina.

-"They misunderestimated the compassion of our country. I think they misunderestimated the will and determination of the commander-in-chief, too." - Sept. 26, 2001, in Langley, Va. Bush was referring to the terrorists who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks.

-"There's no doubt in my mind, not one doubt in my mind, that we will fail." - Oct. 4, 2001, in Washington. Bush was remarking on a back-to-work plan after the terrorist attacks.

- "It would be a mistake for the United States Senate to allow any kind of human cloning to come out of that chamber." - April 10, 2002, at the White House, as Bush urged Senate passage of a broad ban on cloning.

- "I want to thank the dozens of welfare-to-work stories, the actual examples of people who made the firm and solemn commitment to work hard to embetter themselves." - April 18, 2002, at the White House.

-"There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again." - Sept. 17, 2002, in Nashville, Tenn.

-"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." - Aug. 5, 2004, at the signing ceremony for a defence spending bill.

-"Too many good docs are getting out of business. Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." - Sept. 6, 2004, at a rally in Poplar Bluff, Mo.

- "Our most abundant energy source is coal. We have enough coal to last for 250 years, yet coal also prevents an environmental challenge." - April 20, 2005, in Washington.

- "We look forward to hearing your vision, so we can more better do our job." - Sept. 20, 2005, in Gulfport, Miss.

-"I can't wait to join you in the joy of welcoming neighbours back into neighbourhoods, and small businesses up and running, and cutting those ribbons that somebody is creating new jobs." - Sept. 5, 2005, when Bush met with residents of Poplarville, Miss., in the wake of hurricane Katrina.

-"It was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship. After all, 60 years we were at war 60 years ago we were at war." - June 29, 2006, at the White House, where Bush met with Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi.

-"Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough it is, sir. I talk to families who die." - Dec. 7, 2006, in a joint appearance with British Prime Minister Tony Blair.

- "These are big achievements for this country, and the people of Bulgaria ought to be proud of the achievements that they have achieved." - June 11, 2007, in Sofia, Bulgaria.

- "Mr. Prime Minister, thank you for your introduction. Thank you for being such a fine host for the OPEC summit." - September 2007, in Sydney, Australia, where Bush was attending an APEC summit.

-"Thank you, Your Holiness. Awesome speech." April 16, 2008, at a ceremony welcoming Pope Benedict to the White House.

-"The fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there's jobs at the machine-making place." - May 27, 2008, in Mesa, Ariz.

-"And they have no disregard for human life." - July 15, 2008, at the White House. Bush was referring to enemy fighters in Afghanistan.

- "I remember meeting a mother of a child who was abducted by the North Koreans right here in the Oval Office." - June 26, 2008, during a Rose Garden news briefing.

-"Throughout our history, the words of the Declaration have inspired immigrants from around the world to set sail to our shores. These immigrants have helped transform 13 small colonies into a great and growing nation of more than 300 people." - July 4, 2008 in Virginia.

- "This thaw - took a while to thaw, it's going to take a while to unthaw." Oct. 20, 2008, in Alexandria, La., as he discussed the economy and frozen credit markets.

[NOV]

A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!' (Repent and be
Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what
she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the
burglar: 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to
you.'

'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an ax and two
38s!'

[directhit]

Sardar furniture dealer in Paris

A Sardar furniture dealer decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip ever to the French capital), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a new range of furniture that he thought would sell well back home in India.

To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a pub and have a glass of wine.

As he sat down enjoying his wine, soon enough, a very beautiful attractive young lady came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned towards the chair.

He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in Hindi, Punjabi & English, but she did not speak or know any of these languages. So, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.

They left the pub and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Then, after they were back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a bed. Would you believe.......








Till this day, the Sardar has no idea how she figured out that he was in the furniture business!!!!!

[directhit]

Fear of bombs on planes

Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country.

The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane.

She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up.

Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics she'd be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary.

"Tell me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?"

The actuary looked through his tables and said, "A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand."

She nodded, then thought for a moment. "So what are the odds of two people having a bomb on the same plane?"

Again he went through his tables.

"Extremely remote," he said. "About one in a billion."

Aunt Bessie nodded and left his office.

And from that day on, every time she flew, she took a bomb with her.

[NOV]

And from that day on, every time she flew, she took a bomb with her.:rotfl:
:thumbsup:

[ksen]

1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing. Its called the stock market - Jay Leno
2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wal Mart Street - Jay Leno
3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.
4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie!
5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.
6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it - Jay Leno
7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite candy bar - Jay Leno
8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures - Jay Leno
9. President Bush was to meet some small business owners in San Antonio last week. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21 - Jay Leno
10. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's.

[mgb]

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'

The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did.'

The robber then shot him in the head killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'

The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did !'

[viraajan]

Two men jumping from Terrace :shock:

First says: This is my 50th time. I'm a record holder. :boo: :smokesmirk:

Second says: This is my first time. I'm a Satyam ShareHolder :hammer:

:rotfl:

[Shakthiprabha.]

:(

[viraajan]

A Cute Lie:

LKG Boy on phone.

Boy: My son has severe cold and fever. He won't be able to come to school today.
Teacher: Who is this?
Boy: This is my father!!!

:lol2:

[ksen]

:D

[sgokulprathap]

Two men jumping from Terrace :shock:

First says: This is my 50th time. I'm a record holder. :boo: :smokesmirk:

Second says: This is my first time. I'm a Satyam ShareHolder :hammer:

:rotfl: :lol:

[ksen]

*Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge,
he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good
home. You want it, you take it.' For three days the fridge sat there without
even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were
too un-trusting of this deal.. It looked to good to be true, so he changed
the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale R50.' The next day someone stole it.*



*One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone
shouted....'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and
said...'where???'*


***
While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction
was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every
morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' When my brother
explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook
her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff.' *



****
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard
one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on
her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but 'didn't
think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.*


***
I told the girl at the steakhouse register that I wanted the half kilogram
sirloin. She informed me they only had an 500g sirloin. Not wanting to
make a scene, I told her I would take the 500g steak instead of the
half-kgr.*


****
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a
seat belt if she gets trapped She keeps it in the boot...*


***
My friends and I were on a Lager run and noticed that the cases were
discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier
multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount..... *


***
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring
attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Wouldn't the chain rip
out every time she turned her head?' I had to explain that a person's nose
and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is
turned...*


***
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the
lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional
and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived
yet?'...*



***
While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to
go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut
into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding.
'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6
pieces.*

[ksen]

Idiotic 'Millionaire' Contestant Makes Worst Use Of Lifelines Ever




NEW YORK - Idaho resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends and family Tuesday when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance on the popular TV show, 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.'

It seems that Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question, and proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing 'the absolute worst use of lifelines ever.'
After being introduced to the show's host Meredith Vieira, Evans assured her that she was ready to play, whereupon she was posed with an extremely easy $100 question. The question was:
'Which of the following is the largest?'
A) A Peanut
B) An Elephant
C) The Moon
D) Hey, who you calling large?
Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she realized that this was a question to which she did not readily know the answer.
'Hmm, oh boy, that's a toughie,' said Evans, as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief and disgust. 'I mean, I'm sure I've heard of some of these things before, but I have no idea how large they would be.'
Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50. Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans still remained unsure.
'Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!' exclaimed Evans. 'Darn. I think I better phone a friend.'
Using the second of her two lifelines on the first question, Mrs. Evans asked to be connected with her friend Betsy, who is an office assistant.
'Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I'm on TV!' said Evans, wasting the first seven seconds of her call. 'Ok, I got an important question. Which of the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds hun.'
Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon. Evans proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds.
'Come on Betsy, are you sure?' said Evans. 'How sure are you? Puh, that can't be it.'
To everyone's astonishment, the moronic Evans declined to take her friend's advice and pick 'The Moon.'
'I just don't know if I can trust Betsy. She's not all that bright. So I think I'd like to ask the audience,' said Evans.
Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98% in favor of answer C, 'The Moon.' Having used up all her lifelines, Evans then made the dumbest choice of her life.
'Wow, seems like everybody is against what I'm thinking,' said the too-stupid-to-live Evans. 'But you know, sometimes you just got to go with your gut. So, let's see. For which is larger, an elephant or the moon, I'm going to have to go with B, an elephant. Final answer.'
Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one waiting with bated breath, and was told that she was wrong, and that the answer was in fact, C, 'The Moon.'

[NOV]

Reasons Why We Indians Cannot be Terrorists

1. *We are always late*; we would have missed all 4 flights.

2. We would *talk loudly* and bring attention to ourselves.

3. With *free food & drinks* on the plane, we would forget why we're There

4. We *talk with our hands*;therefore we would have to put our weapons down.

5. We would *ALL want to fly the plane*.

6. We would a*rgue and start a fight* in the plane.

7. We *can't keep a secret*; we would have told everyone a week before doing
it.

8. We would have put our *country's flag* on the windshield.

9. We would have postponed the mission because a *cricket match* was going
on that day

10. We would all have fallen over each other *to be in the photograph* being
taken with one of the hostages.

[aanaa]

A Cute Lie:
:lol2:
:lol:

[aanaa]

*'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6
pieces.*

:rotfl:

[aanaa]

Reasons Why We Indians Cannot be Terrorists.
:rotfl:

[directhit]

Idiotic 'Millionaire' Contestant Makes Worst Use Of Lifelines Ever wud have been a riot watching it :lol:

[dinesh13284]

Idiotic 'Millionaire' Contestant Makes Worst Use Of Lifelines Ever wud have been a riot watching it :lol: its just a hoax. nothing happened like that in WWTBAM

[Shakthiprabha.]

Idiotic 'Millionaire' Contestant Makes Worst Use Of Lifelines Ever wud have been a riot watching it :lol:

pleaseeeeeeee!!!!!!!! :shock: :sigh2:

[directhit]

Idiotic 'Millionaire' Contestant Makes Worst Use Of Lifelines Ever wud have been a riot watching it :lol:

pleaseeeeeeee!!!!!!!! :shock: :sigh2: :confused2: :roll:

[directhit]

Once upon a time a man was repairing a table. There was a sharp nail on it. So he removed it and threw that away. Unfortunately his young son got injured by that nail. He went to a doctor. The doctor said it would need lots of money to treat the boy. He borrowed money from everyone and cured the boy. But he was unable to repay the money.
So he committed suicide. Seeing this, his wife and son also committed suicide.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
..
..
..
..
..
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AANIYAE PUDUNGA VENDAM... :lol2:

[ksen]

DH : unga avatar idhukku correctaa irukku :D

"Nee pudungara aaNi ellaamE vENdaadha aaNidhaan"

[directhit]

DH : unga avatar idhukku correctaa irukku :D

"Nee pudungara aaNi ellaamE vENdaadha aaNidhaan" :lol:

[aanaa]

DH : unga avatar idhukku correctaa irukku :D

"

:rotfl:

[crajkumar_be]

Idiotic 'Millionaire' Contestant Makes Worst Use Of Lifelines Ever wud have been a riot watching it :lol:
The "incident" quoted here is actually a hoax. Never happened :)

[ksen]

Hoax joke :D (Would have been perfect for Nov's women-bashing joke series :|)

[carrey]

got a forwarded mail-

Those who don't understand the below plan should go back to the school.

Satyam's 11-Point Plan To Boost Employee Confidence Satyam has unveiled a rescue package for its associates, the terms of which are detailed below. Like Satyam's notional cash pile, here is a fictional story on how Satyam can encounter this crisis and restore confidence of the Associates.

1. Satyam will launch Satyam-PWC Centre of Creative Accounting & Management (SCAM) This Centre will be headed by Srinivas Vadlamani. Satyam Associates can enroll in this SCAM and develop their creative accounting skills. SCAM will impart best practices by benchmarking with other world class firms like Enron and Worldcom. People who know US-GAAP and other accounting standards need not apply as you are over qualified. Your skills will be put to full use during quarter close and year-end. Placement is assured in one of the Satyam group companies like Maytas, Samtay, Tamasy, Tasmay etc.

2. Satyam-ISB Centre for Corporate Misgovernance (SICC) will be under the stewardship of M Rammohan Rao. Satyam will establish this centre to groom the next generation of Directors who can fill the Board positions in Satyam group and also aspire for similar position in many other tainted companies in India. We will also teach you how to draft your own resignation letter before resigning from the board.

3. All associates will be offered a chance to throw shoes at Ramalinga Raju like what happened to Bush recently.

4. All Associates will be given stock under the Employee Shock Option Plan (E-Shock). Before future confessions, Ramalinga Raju will update the E-Shock holders in advance so that they can sell their shares before the stock crashes.

5. All Associates will be provided company Memorabilia like T-shirts, caps, key chains, coffee mugs etc. to be sold on Ebay. The right moment to sell these items would be around the time we announce our bankruptcy.

6. Employees who nod their heads well will be appointed to the Board and will be paid Rs. 12 Lakhs per annum. The best such nodder will be paid upto Rs. 1 crore per annum. Such directors need to maintain silence at the Board meetings. The only word they are allowed to say is YES. Although you will be called independent directors, you'll have to depend on Raju & Co. for everything.

7. Life long supply of Hyderabad Biriyani to tide over the crisis. All associates will get free tickets to FIFA world cup 2010 & 2014 for which Satyam is the co-sponsor.Satyam is also contemplating the acquisition of Tamil Nadu government-owned TASMAC as the name closely resembles the names of Satyam and Maytas. If this deal goes through, you'll be assured of free supply of liquor. We have engaged the services of domestic investment bank JP Murugan to assist us in this strategic acquisition.

8. For Satyam Associates who are dis-associated (laid off), you'll be offered agricultural land under the possession of Maytas so that you can be self-associated (Self-Employed). Some of the land documents might be forged and Satyam, Maytas or the Raju family will not take any responsibility for the genuineness or otherwise of these land documents.

9. Satyam will float a new website called www.SatyamCVs.com where employees can apply for outside jobs. Instead of the associates posting their CVs on other third party websites like Naukri and Monster, associates can now post their CVs directly on this site. This site will only accept CVs from Satyam associates. The front page of this site will contain a ticker showing the number of CVs in the site. This will give an assurance to the outside world that we do have the 53,000 employees stated in our financial reports. Our interim CEO Ram Mynampati just inaugurated this job site by uploading his CV. Our HR team will be able to assist if you have any queries or doubts about this site. While showing projects that you have worked on, you are free to choose from any of the 500 Fortune 500 companies as our audited accounts shows that all of them are our customers. Please accommodate if the site is slow as we are experiencing huge traffic on this site. Even our HR people (who are normally quite free) are very busy updating their CV's on this site.

10. All our candidates for whom we have offered campus placements are required to report to work immediately. They will be accommodated in the new shiny benches bought for this purpose. These benches are located outside the office building. We felt this is best way out as we have decided to switch off the Air-conditioning inside the premises to cut costs. All the new joiners should come with a Cash deposit (in lieu of the bond) of Rest. 2 lakhs each. Satyam intends to use this money to tide over the working capital crisis. Once you come onboard, we will try to send you on onsite project where you can recover your Rs. 2 lakh deposit within a short period.

11. Since some of our cheques are bouncing, we will now be handing over the salaries in cash instead of cheques. Associates are required to count and verify the genuineness of the cash before leaving the office premises. No future claims will be entertained.

[app_engine]

From an article in msn.com about foolish claims on tax deductions :

==========
Steve Bennett, president and CEO of Intuit, the maker of the TurboTax software program, reports this one:

A client gave away his house to a local fire department to burn up in a training exercise. So far, so good. It appears to be a legitimate, allowable charitable contribution that was made to an appropriate organization.

But here's the kicker: The value of the property actually went up once the house was removed.

Because the value increased, sorry, there could be no deduction.
===================

[ksen]

In spite of what you have been told by everyone, the truth is that Valentine's Day originated hundreds of years ago, in India, and to top it all, in Gujarat !!
Gujarati men, especially the Patels, continually mistreated and disrespected their wives (Patelianis). One fine day, it happened to be the 14th day of February, one brave Pateliani, having had enough "torture" from her husband, finally chose to rebel by beating him up with a Velan (rolling pin). Yes....the same Velan which she used daily, to make chapattis for him....only this time, instead of the dough, it was the husband who was flattened. This was a momentous occasion for all Gujarati women and a revolt soon spread like wild fire, with thousands of housewives beating up their husbands with the Velan. There was an outburst of moaning "chapatti-ed" husbands all over Anand and Amdavad. The Patel men-folk quickly learnt their lesson and started to behave more respectfully with their Patelianis.

Thereafter, on 14th February every year, the womenfolk of Gujarat would ceremoniously beat up their husbands, to commemorate that eventful day. The wives having the satisfaction of beating up their husbands with the Velan and the men having the supreme joy of submitting to the will of the women they loved. Soon, the Gujju men realised that in order to avoid this ordeal they needed to present gifts to their wives....they brought flowers and sweetmeats. Hence the tradition began.

As Gujarat fell under the influence of Western culture, that day was called 'Velan time' day.

The ritual soon spread to Britain and many other Western countries, specifically, the catch words 'Velan time!'. Of course in their foreign tongues, it was first anglicised to 'Velantime' and then to 'Valentine'. And thereafter, 14th of February came to be known as Valentine's Day!

[NOV]

finally chose to rebel by beating him up with a Velan :roll:

[ksen]

:lol: Should it have been - "finally chose to rebel by beating up Velan" :P

[dev]

:lol: Should it have been - "finally chose to rebel by beating up Velan" :P

:yes: :exactly:

[PoonaiKutty]

XYZ Office -> A fire alarm rang at 6 PM when almost all shift employees are in office(approx 5000). As usual entire office was evacuated within
3 mins & every employee gathered outside office. 10 mins
passed..................................5 more mins passed............................................ .................................and..........








































Security Officer -> Announcement started,

"Dear Employees - With melting heart I am making this announcement that for many of you it will be a last evacuation drill, as we are laying off almost 80% employee. While moving in who-so-ever ID card won't work are layed off & all their belongings will be couriered to them tomorrow. We followed this approach as we don't want to fill email box size with layoff mail in thousands & also to avoid any fight inside office". Hope you have nice career ahead. Please move in & try your luck.

[viraajan]

:lol:

[ksen]

:roll:

[PoonaiKutty]

:roll:

:? :?

[ksen]

:D Sorry, it sounds real enough in the current scenario, not like a joke :(

[Shakthiprabha.]

yup :|

[NOV]

Two accountancy students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second accountant replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first accountant nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't fit."

[viraajan]

A joke in Ananda Vikatan:

X: Unga company-oda profit evvalavu?
Y: 8000 cr.
X: what? 8000 Cr?
Y: "Satyam"anga...

[Shakthiprabha.]

/ Well not really funny given the current scenario? /

Alibaba aur 40 chor thE
ab...
Alibaba aur 30 chor ho gayE....
(Alibabavum 40 thirudargaLumaa irunthavanga...
ippo...
Alibabavum 30 thirudargaLumaa aagitaanga)


poocho kyun?
(en sollunga?)

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Recession boss!! 10 choron ko nikaal diya...Cost cutting !

(Recession boss!! 10 thirudargaLai thookitaanga....Cost cutting! )

[Lambretta]

Fwd in an email........


BOY : May I hold your hand?

GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.


GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!


BOY : You love me...


GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??

BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??



GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.

BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple


GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.

BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??


BOY : I love you and I could die for you!

GIRL : How soon??



BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!

GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??



SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning

kiss??

TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the

cigarette out of his mouth.



MAN : You remind me of the sea.

WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?

MAN : NO, because you make me sick.



WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear

and comes out of the other.

HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both

ears and comes out of the mouth.



MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andrew says I'm ugly.What

do u think,

Peter?

PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.



1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and

no one else ?"

Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again

yesterday".



2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun

or the moon?"

Pupil : "The moon".

Teacher : "Why?"

Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need

it but the sun gives us light only in the day time

when we don't need it".



3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on

talking when people are no longer interested?"

Pupil : "A teacher".



4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"

Customer : "What other colors do you have?"



5) My father is so old that when he was in school,

history was called current affairs.



6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"

Sam : "It's a family tradition".

Teacher : "What do you mean?"

Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father

is a teacher".

Teacher : "What about your mother?"

Sam : "She's a woman".


7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father

that I've failed?"

David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared,

past year's performance repeated".



8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a

donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be

showing?"

Student : "Brotherly love".


9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say

prayers before eating?"

Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good

cook".



10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering

doctor?"

Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show

that nine out of ten people die of the disease you

have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others

all died".



11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of

COINCIDENCE? "

One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married

on the same day and at the same time."



12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped

down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.

Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"

One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

[directhit]

[tscii:d27c469c75]கலாச்சாரத்தைக் காப்பாத்த சில அமைப்புகள் ஜரூரா கெளம்பீட்டாங்கப்பா. காதலர் தினத்தன்னிக்கு ஜோடியா சுத்தற காதலர்களுக்கு இவங்க கல்யாணம் பண்ணி வைக்கப் போறாங்களாம்.

முருகன்-வள்ளி ஆரம்பிச்சு பல இந்துக் கடவுள்களும், இலக்கிய இதிகாசங்களும் கொண்டாடின காதல் இவங்களுக்கு இப்படி வெளையாட்டாப் போச்சு. பாவம் அவங்களே பயந்து பயந்து காதலிச்சிட்டிருக்காங்க... உங்க வீரத்தை அவங்ககிட்டயா காட்டணும்? இதுக்கு பதிலா பொது இடத்துல சிகரெட் பிடிக்கறவங்க, குப்பை போடறவங்க இவங்களைப் பாத்தா தண்டிப்போம்னு கெளம்பினாக் கூட ஒரு அர்த்தம் இருக்கு!
கர்நாடகாவில் ராமசேனா அமைப்பு அறிவித்ததும், கோவையிலும் சில இந்து அமைப்புகள் காதலர் தினத்தன்று தனிமையில் ஜோடியாக சுற்றும் (அதெப்படிடா தனிமைல, ஜோடியா சுத்த முடியும்ன்னு கேட்கப் படாது!) காதலர்களுக்கு கட்டாயத் திருமணம் செய்துவைக்கப் போகிறார்களாம்.
சரி... இவங்களை எப்படி சமாளிக்க?
***********
வீட்டில் சம்மதமும் வாங்கி எளிமையாக திருமணம் நடக்க வேண்டும்.. அதே சமயம் ஊரில் எல்லாருக்கும் தெரியப்படுத்தவும் வேண்டும் என்று நினைப்பவர்கள் இந்த அமைப்பினர் சுற்றும் இடங்களுக்கு ஜோடி ஜோடியாகப் போய் நின்று கொண்டு, தங்கள் திருமணத்திற்கு அழைப்பு விடுத்திருக்கும் 25, 30 பேரை அங்கங்கே ஒளிந்திருக்கச் சொல்லலாம். அமைப்பினர் வந்து திருமணத்தை நடாத்தி (இப்படித்தான் சொல்லணும்க!) கொடுத்ததும் எல்லாரும் ஓடி வந்து கைகுலுக்கிப் பாராட்டி பரிசளித்துவிட்டுப் போகச் செய்யலாம்! அவங்க மூஞ்சில ஈ ஆடாது!
*********************
இந்த அமைப்பினரின் வீட்டில் இருக்கும், காதலித்து அனுமதி கிடைக்காமல் காத்திருக்கும் இளைஞர், இளைஞிகள் அன்றைக்கு தைரியமாக ஜோடியாகச் சுற்றலாம். அப்ரூவல் வித் இம்மீடியட் ஆக்*ஷன்! :P
************************
அறுபதாம், எண்பதாம் கல்யாண நாள் கொண்டாடும் ஜோடிகள் இவர்களுக்கு முன் நின்று கொண்டு கல்யாணம் நடத்தி வைக்கச் சொல்லி கட்டாயப்படுத்தலாம். நாங்களும் ஜோடிகள் தானே என்று

*********************************
வெறும் மஞ்சச் சரடு தாலியைக் குடுத்தா கட்ட மாட்டேன். ஒரு கிராம் தங்கமாவது இருக்கணும்னு ரகளை பண்ணணும் பையன். அப்படி, ஒரு கிராமோட குடுத்தா, கட்டீட்டு அதே மாதிரி ஊர்ல ஒரு எட்டு இடத்துல போய் ஒரு பவுனைத் தேத்திடுங்க.. அப்படியே பக்கத்து ஊருக்குப் போயி.. அங்க ஒரு எட்டு எடம்.... அப்படியே...
*********************
பொண்ணு பார்த்து ரிஜக்ட் ஆன பசங்களுக்கும், பசங்க வேணாம்னு சொன்ன பொண்ணுங்களுக்கும் இது பம்பர் சான்ஸ். ஓரளவு உங்களுக்கு ஏத்த மாதிரி பொண்ணு/பையன்கிட்ட அவங்க வர்ற நேரம் பார்த்து டபக்ன்னு போய் ஒக்கார்ந்துக்கோங்க. மத்தத அவங்க பார்த்துப்பாங்க! :rotfl2: :rotfl2:
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ஜோடியா உட்கார்ந்து பேசிகிட்டிருக்கணும். அவங்க பக்கம் வந்ததும் கடுமையா ஜோடிகளுக்குள்ள சண்டை போட்டுக்கணும். மறுபடி அவங்க குழம்பி அந்தப் பக்கம் போனப்பறம் பேசணும்.. இப்படியே கடுப்படிக்கணும்...
*************************************
ஜோடியா இருக்கறப்போ வந்து தாலி கட்டுன்னு சொன்னா “மாங்கல்ய தாரண மந்திரத்தை யாரு ஓதுவாங்க?’ ன்னு கேட்டு முழுசா எல்லா மந்திரத்தையும் சொல்லச் சொல்லணும். சொல்லலீன்னா விடாம சொல்லு சொல்லுன்னு ராவடி பண்ணனும்.

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கல்யாணம் ஆகி, புள்ள பெத்தப்பறமும் யூத்தா இருக்கறவங்களுக்கு இது ஒரு நல்ல சான்ஸ். பொது இடத்துல ஜோடியா இருந்துகிட்டு, அவங்க வந்து கல்யாணம் பண்ணி வெச்சதும் ஒளிஞ்சு நிக்கற நம்ம குழந்தைகள் ஓடி வந்து "ஹை! அப்பா அம்மா கல்யாணத்தப் பார்த்துட்டேனே"ன்னு கைதட்டி குதிச்சு கும்மாளம் அடிக்கணும். அவங்களுக்குப் பாடம் சொன்ன மாதிரியும் ஆச்சு, நம்ம குழந்தைகளோட ஆசையையும் தீர்த்த மாதிரி ஆச்சு! [/tscii:d27c469c75] (nalla vela TM sweden poyirukkaru)

[ksen]

:D


(nalla vela TM sweden poyirukkaru)

Don't put ideas into his head :x
Putting words into my mouth :P

[Shakthiprabha.]

உங்க வீரத்தை அவங்ககிட்டயா காட்டணும்? இதுக்கு பதிலா பொது இடத்துல சிகரெட் பிடிக்கறவங்க, குப்பை போடறவங்க இவங்களைப் பாத்தா தண்டிப்போம்னு கெளம்பினாக் கூட ஒரு அர்த்தம் இருக்கு!

:)


வீட்டில் சம்மதமும் வாங்கி எளிமையாக திருமணம் நடக்க வேண்டும்.. அதே சமயம் ஊரில் எல்லாருக்கும் தெரியப்படுத்தவும் வேண்டும் என்று நினைப்பவர்கள் இந்த அமைப்பினர் சுற்றும் இடங்களுக்கு ஜோடி ஜோடியாகப் போய் நின்று கொண்டு, தங்கள் திருமணத்திற்கு அழைப்பு விடுத்திருக்கும் 25, 30 பேரை அங்கங்கே ஒளிந்திருக்கச் சொல்லலாம். அமைப்பினர் வந்து திருமணத்தை நடாத்தி (இப்படித்தான் சொல்லணும்க!) கொடுத்ததும் எல்லாரும் ஓடி வந்து கைகுலுக்கிப் பாராட்டி பரிசளித்துவிட்டுப் போகச் செய்யலாம்! அவங்க மூஞ்சில ஈ ஆடாது!

:rotfl2:


இந்த அமைப்பினரின் வீட்டில் இருக்கும், காதலித்து அனுமதி கிடைக்காமல் காத்திருக்கும் இளைஞர், இளைஞிகள் அன்றைக்கு தைரியமாக ஜோடியாகச் சுற்றலாம். அப்ரூவல் வித் இம்மீடியட் ஆக்*ஷன்! :P

:D :P


அறுபதாம், எண்பதாம் கல்யாண நாள் கொண்டாடும் ஜோடிகள் இவர்களுக்கு முன் நின்று கொண்டு கல்யாணம் நடத்தி வைக்கச் சொல்லி கட்டாயப்படுத்தலாம். நாங்களும் ஜோடிகள் தானே என்று

:D :D


வெறும் மஞ்சச் சரடு தாலியைக் குடுத்தா கட்ட மாட்டேன். ஒரு கிராம் தங்கமாவது இருக்கணும்னு ரகளை பண்ணணும் பையன். அப்படி, ஒரு கிராமோட குடுத்தா, கட்டீட்டு அதே மாதிரி ஊர்ல ஒரு எட்டு இடத்துல போய் ஒரு பவுனைத் தேத்திடுங்க.. அப்படியே பக்கத்து ஊருக்குப் போயி.. அங்க ஒரு எட்டு எடம்.... அப்படியே...

purila :?



பொண்ணு பார்த்து ரிஜக்ட் ஆன பசங்களுக்கும், பசங்க வேணாம்னு சொன்ன பொண்ணுங்களுக்கும் இது பம்பர் சான்ஸ். ஓரளவு உங்களுக்கு ஏத்த மாதிரி பொண்ணு/பையன்கிட்ட அவங்க வர்ற நேரம் பார்த்து டபக்ன்னு போய் ஒக்கார்ந்துக்கோங்க. மத்தத அவங்க பார்த்துப்பாங்க! :rotfl2: :rotfl2:

:lol2:


கல்யாணம் ஆகி, புள்ள பெத்தப்பறமும் யூத்தா இருக்கறவங்களுக்கு இது ஒரு நல்ல சான்ஸ். பொது இடத்துல ஜோடியா இருந்துகிட்டு, அவங்க வந்து கல்யாணம் பண்ணி வெச்சதும் ஒளிஞ்சு நிக்கற நம்ம குழந்தைகள் ஓடி வந்து "ஹை! அப்பா அம்மா கல்யாணத்தப் பார்த்துட்டேனே"ன்னு கைதட்டி குதிச்சு கும்மாளம் அடிக்கணும்.

:lol2: one of my friend was making humour out of this situation.

"30/40 vayasu folks wig pottu vanthu duo va ukaantha kooda kalyanam panni vechuduvaangalaam-nnu"

:rotfl2:

இன்னொன்றும் செய்யலாம். உங்கள் காதலை குறிப்பிட்ட பையன் / பெண் உதாசீனப்படுத்துகிறாரா? நைசாக பேசி சும்மா ஃப்ரெண்ட்லி லஞ்ச் ன்னு கூட்டிட்டு போய்டுங்க. போலீஸ் இருக்கிற இடமா பார்த்து குறுக்க நெடுக்க நடந்தீங்கன்னா, குண்டுகட்டா தூக்கிட்டு போய் கல்யாணம் பண்ணி வெச்சுடுவாங்க.

அப்புறம்...உங்க காதலி/காதலன் தப்பிக்கவே முடியாது :boo:

[sgokulprathap]

ARE WOMEN REALLY CLEVER?
A Woman was out golfing one day, when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please continue reading..
.
.
.
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!
Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.
PS : If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

[Shakthiprabha.]

padichu padichu puLichu pona joke(?) :mad: :sigh2:

[ajithfederer]

The last line of the joke - :rotfl:

[jaaze]

Look at all the pics in this page
Very funny
http://www.funonthenet.in/articles/construction-blunders.html

[crajkumar_be]

padichu padichu puLichu pona joke(?) :mad: :sigh2:
Neenga sonna andha Alibaba matter joke-a? :evil: :evil:

idhula Indhi vera :x

[Querida]

http://sendables.jibjab.com/sendables/312/angry_heart

Happy Vday Hubbers :P

[Wibha]

padichu padichu puLichu pona joke(?) :mad: :sigh2:

seriously :sigh2: :x

[jaaze]

ARE WOMEN REALLY CLEVER?
.
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!
Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.
PS : If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

gp :rotfl: the last part :rotfl:

[jaaze]

hi que
nice link
happy vday to u too :)

[PoonaiKutty]

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, the politician was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled."

The shocked crowd murmered their disapproval of the miscreant among them.

"But," the old priest continued, "as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:

"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," he told the crowd, still at sharp attention after the priest's words. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession...."

The Moral: Never, ever be late when you're on the program.

[directhit]

Police arrested a drunkard & asked: Where r u goin?
Man: I'm goin 2 listen lecture on ill effcts of drinking.
Cop: Who'll lecture at midnite?
Man: My wife...


Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

What's the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win in 8 overs, with 5 wickets in hand?
Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?

Beggar: Saab 12Rs do na coffee peeni hai.
Man: Lekin coffee to 6Rs ki hai?
Beggar: Par saab girlfrend bhi to hai.
Man: Bhikari hokar bhi GF banali.
Beggar: Na saab,GF ne Bhikari bana diya!

Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

Wats the diff between Complete & Finished?
If you find good wife u r complete, otherwise u r finished.

So many options: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow and sure!


Wife: If I dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month, what will you pay me?
Husband: I won't have to pay you, you'll get my entire insurance amount. :rotfl: :rotfl:

Have u heard about the man who threw his wife into a pond of crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the animal rights for being cruel to the crocodiles.

Two men r talking. 1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry & wearing shabby clothes.
2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons

[Wibha]

:sigh2: same old jokes on women :sigh2:

[NOV]

How a MAN withdraws cash from an ATM.


1. Park the car

2. Go to ATM Machine

3. Insert card

4. Enter PIN

5. Take money out

6. Take ATM Card out

7. Drive away



*********

How a WOMAN withdraws cash from an ATM


1. Park the car

2. Check makeup

3. Turn off engine

4. Check makeup

5. Go to ATM

6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse

7. Insert card

8. Hit Cancel

9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it

10. Insert card

11. Enter PIN

12. Take cash

13. Go to car

14. Check makeup

15. Start car

16. Stop car

17. Run back to ATM

18. Take ATM card

19. Back to car

20. Check makeup

21. Start car

22. Check makeup

23. Drive for 1/2 mile

24. Release handbrake

25. Drive on.

[Shakthiprabha.]

:D Ive read this, but nevermind it always makes me smile :D

[app_engine]

http://dinamalar.com/fpnnews.asp?News_id=3038&cls=row3

இந்த செய்தியிலிருந்து:

சரத்குமார்:
"தேர்தலில் மின்னணு இயந்திரத்தை பயன்படுத்தக்கூடாது. இந்த இயந்திரத்தின் பட்டனை அழுத்தினால், ஓட்டுக்கள் யாருக்கு விழுகிறது என்பது யாருக்கும் தெரியாது"

[Shakthiprabha.]

:D :lol2:

:rotfl2:

[app_engine]

The following is actually a serious news.

However, when I started reading, my mind played a trick - made me imagine that I'm reading a satire column in AV or Thuglak.

And it sounded hilariously funny!

Please read as if you're reading an AV joke article where they make fun of politicians and you'll definitely be amused :

http://dailythanthi.com/article.asp?NewsID=470248&disdate=2/20/2009

[P_R]

This is based on a Khushwanth Singh joke

அரும்பெரும் அண்டை நாடாம் பாகிஸ்
தானம் அதற்கு ஒரு தலைவன்
அரசது வமைக்கு மொரு முறையாம்
ஜன நாயக மதற்கே செறு பகைவன்

மறுமொழி கேளா ஜெனரல் ஜியா
என்றால் அண்டம் நடுங்கிடுமே
ஒருசிறு நாவிதன் அவனைக்கூட
மிரட்டிய கதையிது கேட்பீரே

துருதுருப்பாக செயல்படும் அரசன்
காலில் என்றும் சக்கரமே
மாதம் அரைமணிநேரம் மட்டும்
ஓரிடம் அவனும் அமர்வானே

கருகரு முடியை திருத்திட வேண்டி
நாவிதனிடத்தே தலைநீட்டி
மெருகது தன்னிடை கூடிய மட்டும்
ஏத்திட அவனும் முனைந்தானே

ஒருமுறை பாதியில் நாவித மடையன்
'ஜெனரல் சாஹிப்' எனவிளித்து
'வருமோ இப்பொது தேர்தல்கள்' என்று
வினைவின வதனை உதிர்த்தானே

சிறுபிழை பொறுக்கா ஜெனரல் ஜியா
உஷ்ணம் மிகுந்த மூச்சிறைத்து
"அறிவிலி மூடா யாரிடம் என்ன
பேசுவதென்பது அறியாயா ?

ஒருபிழை அருள்வேன் இது போல் இனிமேல்
தரமறியாமல் பேசாதே
மருமுறை நடந்தால் சுல்ஃபிகர் அலியின்
நிலை தான் உனக்கு மறவாதே

பொறிபறந்திடவே கிளம்பிச்சென்ற
ஜெனரல்வாளிடை பிழைத்தவர்கள்
அரிதென வறிந்த நாவிதன் அன்று
கீழுடை மாற்றிட நேர்ந்ததுவே

வரிகள், போர்கள், மானுடப்பதர்கள்
என்றே ஜெனரல் பொன்நேரம்
சரியாய் போவது ஆயினும் அழகை
பேணுவதென்பதை மறவாரே

மறுமுறை நாவிதன் பயத்துடன் மௌனச்
சபதம் எதையோ காப்பதுபோல
விருவிருவெனவே கத்தரிகோலுடன்
வேலையில் மட்டும் ஆழ்ந்தானே

சரிவர முன்முடி திருத்திய பிறகவன்
பின்தலை வேலையை தொடங்கையிலே
'வருமோ இப்பொது தேர்தல்கள்' என்றே
மீண்டும் ஒருமுறை கேட்டானே

எரிகனல் விழிகள் நுணலனை எறிக்க
ஜெனரல் ஜியா எழுந்தங்கு
மரிப்பது இவன் விதி இதுவே எந்தன்
ஆணை என்றும் சொன்னாரே

உருமியபடியே சீருடைக்காவலர்
பிழைஞன் தன்னை நெருங்கிடவே
எரிமிலை ஜெனரல் தாள்சரணெனவே
நெடுஞ்சாண்கிடையாய் விழுந்தானே

சிறியவன் யான்செய் பெரும்பிழையதற்கு
காரணமுண்டு அதைக்கேட்டு
பொறையுடை அரசர் நீவிர் என்னை
மன்னித்தருள வேண்டுகிறேன்

சுருள்முடி தங்கள் பிடரியிலுண்டு
வெட்டுவதற்கே பெருஞ்சிரமம்
வருமோ தேர்தல் என நான் கேட்டால்
மயிர்கள் யாவும் கூச்செரிந்து

விரிந்திட கத்திரிகோலினில் வெட்டுதல்
எளிதாய் போவதைக் கண்டேனே.
திரிபர உரைத்தேன் நடந்தது இதுவே
நிரந்தரத் தலைவா அருள்வாயே.

[Murali Srinivas]

பிரபு,

மரபு கவிதையும் உங்கள் வசப்படுகிறது.
உரை நடையும் உங்களுக்கு லாவகமாகிறது.
புது கவிதையும் புது புனலென்ன பொங்கி வருகிறது.
படைப்பிலயக்கத்தில் புது வரலாறு படைக்க வாழ்த்துக்கள்.

அன்புடன்

PS:சாரி, திஸ் இஸ் நாட் எ ஜோக்

[P_R]

Thanks for your kind words Mr.Murali.

I don't know if you heard that joke before. If I am not wrong it is from an editorial written by Khushwant Singh when he edited the Illustrated Weekly. His jokes are so original.

[joe]

PR :thumbsup: கவிதையாக்கம் :clap:

[directhit]

PR :clap:

[Lambretta]

And then the fight started....

***************************

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

***************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
So, I took her to a gas station..
And then the fight started...

***************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'

'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

***************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Naaah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

***************************

A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started..... .

***************************


I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....

***************************

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

***************************

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first:
the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'
And then the fight started...

[NOV]

:rotfl:

[ksen]

Now you know where it starts :|
Lamby :D Good - you have put things in the right perspective (yaarukku kozhuppunnu theriyudhilla) :thumbsup:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Good ones shyam :D

[dev]

Now you know where it starts :|
Lamby :D Good - you have put things in the right perspective (yaarukku kozhuppunnu theriyudhilla) :thumbsup:

:lol:

[directhit]

[tscii:2ccea0a367]A Perfect Shot
A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind direction and speed. The longer he takes, the more his partner fidgets.

Finally his exasperated partner says, "What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball."

The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Forget it, man," the partner says. "You’ll never hit her from here."[/tscii:2ccea0a367]

[Meera-ssg]

How long are these 'men suffering at the hands of woman' syndrome gonna tickle people?

[ajithfederer]

lamby :rotfl: :mrgreen:

And then the fight started.....

[srimal]

but they are really funny..... :rotfl:

[app_engine]

How long are these 'men suffering at the hands of woman' syndrome gonna tickle people?

Please visit here (it's not a joke) :
http://tfmpage.mayyam.com/hub/viewtopic.php?t=12757

[NOV]

Hari was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. 'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 crores.'

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later she became his stepmother.

[jaaze]

How long are these 'men suffering at the hands of woman' syndrome gonna tickle people?
Please visit here :rotfl: :rotfl2:
http://forumhub.mayyam.com/hub/viewtopic.php?t=12656&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=84

[P_R]

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later she became his stepmother.

Perhaps this is what they meant by don't reveal all your cards.

[sgokulprathap]

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later she became his stepmother.

Perhaps this is what they meant by don't reveal all your cards. :rotfl2:

[jaaze]

No more jokes? :huh: :cry:

[Meera-ssg]

How long are these 'men suffering at the hands of woman' syndrome gonna tickle people?
Please visit here :rotfl: :rotfl2:
http://forumhub.mayyam.com/hub/viewtopic.php?t=12656&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=84

Wuz that fr me?

[jaaze]

Hmmm.. Kinda. It answers your qn.. :)

:oops2: Just checked the link it points to another post

I wanted to show you the Vadivelu - Kovai Sarala fight in our hub
Looks like they got it deleted :argh:

[NOV]

Why do women live longer than men?

Because God adds them the time that they wasted on parking.

[NOV]

2 women and a man are standing by a fast river when the grim reaper comes and says to them that either they cross the river or he kills them.

The first woman dives in and drowns immediately.

The second women jumps in and makes it half way across but drowns.

The grim reaper turns to the man, "now what will you do?"

the man says, "I'll go across the bridge."

[NOV]

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

[NOV]

A man is driving along in his car when he suddenly gets pulled over by the police. The man pokes his head out of the window and says "what seems to be the problem officer?"

The cop looks at him and says "are you aware that a woman fell out of your car about two minutes ago?"

The man let out a sigh "thank god for that; I thought I had gone deaf!"

[NOV]

[tscii]A redhead, brunette and blonde were on their way to Heaven.

God told them the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and on every 5th step He’d tell them a joke. But, they must not laugh or else they couldn’t enter heaven.

The brunette went first and started laughing on the 65th step, so she could not enter Heaven.

The redhead went next and started laughing on the 320th step, so she could not enter Heaven either.

Then, it was the blonde’s turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing.

“Why are you laughing?” God asked. “I didn’t tell a joke.”

“I know,” the blonde replied. “I just got the first one.”

[directhit]

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."

The guy says OK, and drives away.

The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands: "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?"

The guy replies: "I did ... today I'm taking them to the beach!"

[NOV]

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?

Pregnant.

[NOV]

How do you get a woman dizzy?

Put her in a circular room and tell her to go to a corner.

[NOV]

[tscii]
A beautiful female college student comes to a young professor’s office.

She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly, “I would do anything to pass this exam.”

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. “I mean…” she whispers, “… I would do…anything!!!”

He returns her gaze. “Anything???”

“Yes… Anything!!!”

His voice turns to a whisper. “Would you….. study???”

[sarna_blr]

NOV anna, wr is the joke :?

[ksen]

:happydance: :happydance: :happydance:

[NOV]

the worse thing in telling a joke, is explaining the punchline.
so sarna, think of it as karma.... you are not destined to know. :P

ksen, enna aachu? :P

[sarna_blr]

the worse thing in telling a joke, is explaining the punchline.
so sarna, think of it as karma.... you are not destined to know. :P


kismat konnekson :P

[ksen]

:noteeth: ErkkanavE unga jokesukku hair-pichching icon kidaikkumaanu paathuttirundhEn :lol: SarnavOda kostin paaththadhum konjam kazhandiduchu :2thumbsup: :fishgrin:

[sarna_blr]

the worse thing in telling a joke, is explaining the punchline.

1st neenga joke'a sollunga :) punch line'a paththi apram pEsikkalaam :happydance: :happydance:

[app_engine]

http://dinamalar.com/fpnnews.asp?News_id=3270&cls=row3

எல் கணேசன் & செஞ்சி ராமச்சந்திரன் = திருவிழாவில் காணாமல் போன பிள்ளைகள் :-)

[NOV]

[tscii]A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.

"You did WHAT?!" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!' and it didn't move."

[NOV]

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later..... "Da-ad...."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"

"No, You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later: "Daaaaad... .."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"

Five minutes later...... "Daaaa-\aaaad. ...."

"WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

[NOV]

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

[NOV]

[tscii]One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: ‘Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

[P_R]

A"WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
:rotfl:

[ksen]

at last... JOKES after a long time. :cheer:

[NOV]

A woman was at her hairdresser' s getting her hair styled for a trip to
Rome with her husband.

She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're
crazy to go to Rome.

So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental, " was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental? " exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline.

Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're
always late.

So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River
called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place.

Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive,

But it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city!

The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're overpriced.
So, whatcha' doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser.

"You and a million other people trying to see him...

He'll look the size of an ant."

Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."


A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo.

The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one
of Continental' s brand new planes,

But it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class.

The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old
steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great!

They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel,

The finest hotel in the city.

They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's
suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good,

But I know you didn't get to see the Pope."


"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican ,

A Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder,

And explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors,

And if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait,

The Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and
shook my hand!

I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."


"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: "Oh my God, who cut your hair in such a horrid manner..he must be some nerd!!!:)"

[Thalafanz]

[tscii:6a16579efe]My wife has a split personality and I hate both of them.

Losing a wife can be hard. I my case it was almost impossible.

I am in total control but don’t let my wife find out.

When making love most married men fantasize, their wives aren’t fantasizing.

I married Miss RIGHT. I did not know her first name was ALWAYS.

I've had bad luck wth both my wives.The first one left me, and the second one didnt.

I have not spoken to my wife in years. I did not want to interrupt her.

A man who says his wife can’t take a joke forgets that she took him.

I have been trying desperately to save my marriage for the last 35 years.

The average husband knows where n when he got married. What escapes him is why.[/tscii:6a16579efe]

[podalangai]

A few funny cartoons:

http://geekswithblogs.net/ram/archive/2006/05/04/IndianCartoons.aspx

[ksen]

:lol:

[mgb]

[tscii:8843aea37d]some recession jokes..

Q: With the current market turmoil, what's the easiest way to make a small fortune?
A: Start off with a large one.

A concerned customer asked his stock broker if the recent market decline and volatility worried him.
The broker told him that he has been sleeping like a baby.
“Really?!?” replied the customer.
“Absolutely,” said the broker,
“I sleep for about an hour, wake up, and then cry for about an hour..”

Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and thirty thieves. Ten were laid off!

Batman and Robin are now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired Robin and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at the same rate!!

The only "deposits" being made on a Ferrari are the ones made by birds flying over them.

Q: What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning?
A: Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.

Q: What's the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?
A: In a few weeks from now....... nothing..

Q What’s the difference between a bond and a bond trader?
A. A bond matures.

Q. Did you hear Goldman Sachs has a new cafeteria?
A.. It is called the Warren Buffet.

Q: What is the Capital of Iceland?
A: About 70 cents.

Recession Bumper Sticker:
The recession is worse than a divorce. You lose half your fortune and still have your wife.

The Difference between Communism & Capitalism:
In communism we nationalize the banks and then push them to bankruptcy. In capitalism we push the banks to bankruptcy and then nationalize them.

A priest, a rabbi, and a mortgage broker were all caught in a shipwreck. Sharks were soon circling around. The sharks eat the priest. The rabbi starts praying fervently, but to no avail, as the sharks eat him as well. The mortgage broker is really getting worried, as a shark is coming for him. But, instead, the shark puts him on its back, carries him to shore, and lets him off. The mortgage broker asks, “How come you didn’t eat me too?”
And the shark replied, “Professional Courtesy!”

Money talks. But the trouble is, it knows only one word.. goodbye!!
[/tscii:8843aea37d]

[jaaze]

Chennai-la Bill Gates porandhirundha? :?:

Jannal 2000 :smokesmirk:

Save : veaichukoo
Save As : aiyye, apdiyea veaichukoo
Save All : allaathaium veaichikoo
Help : odhavu
Find : paru
Find Again : inoru dhaba paru
Move : appla po
Mail : postu
Mailer : posttuman
Zoom : persaa kaattu
Zoom Out : velilavanthu persaa kaattu
Open : tohreh da naina
Close : pothiko / mudiko
New : pucchu
Old : palsu
Replace : itha thooki athle podu, athe
thooki ithle podu
Run : odu naina / odu machi
Execute : kollu
Print : poster podu
Print Preview : paathu poster podu
Cut : vettu - kuthu - sandeh
Copy : adichan macha kaapi
Paste : ottu
Paste Special : nalla echcha thottu
ottu (too good!!!)
Delete : keechidu
Virus : mamiya kodumai/ vanthetan m***andi...
View : look-vidu
Tools : spannaru, aruval, AK47
Toolbar : spannar set'eh machi
Spreadsheet : perisheetu
Database : dappaa
Exit : odra dei / vehdicire
Compress : amuki-podu
Mouse : yeli
Click : potu sathu
Double Click : rendu dhabaa potu sathu
Scrollbar : inge angae alathadi
Pay Pre View : dhudukku bayascoppu
Next : appaala
Previous : munaangati
Trash Bin : koovam aaru / muthurem santhu
Solitaire : mangaatha / 21
Drag & Hold : nallaa isthu pudi
Do you want to delete selected item? : maiyalume thukirava?
Do you want to move selected item? : maiyalume kadasidava?
Do you want to save selected item? :
maiyalume vachukkava?
Abort, Retry, Ignore : ishtam illati uttudu
Yes, No, Cancel : ippa innaa sollikeere nee
General protection fault : gaali
Access denied : kai veche keesiduven
Unrecoverable error : bada bejarpa
Operation illegal : bemani... savu grakki.. kasmalam

[directhit]

A true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words Went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared'
Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I Type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it... Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? '
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable..'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark?'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not?'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power ... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it.. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.' :lol:
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer! :lol2:

[app_engine]

Nice one :


[html:3384f8d1b6]
http://img.dinamalar.com/data/images_MorePic09/Pictures_Videos_44576662779.jpg
[/html:3384f8d1b6]

[jaaze]

Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not?'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power ... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it.. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.' :lol:
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer! :lol2: :rotfl:

[app_engine]

Very topical, but amusing nevertheless (if you read with the intention of getting a smile and not very seriously) :

http://news.in.msn.com/national/indiaelections2009/article.aspx?cp-documentid=2991491



Elections are only the semi finals before a coalition government is stitched up in Delhi next month

[app_engine]

Nice cartoon, from Dinamalar :


[html:2a506e2e87]
http://img.dinamalar.com/data/images_MorePic09/Pictures_Videos_25556582213.jpg
[/html:2a506e2e87]

[dinesh13284]

:lol2:

[jaaze]

:lol:

[NOV]

A joke for Malaysian hubbers :lol:


When Dr. Mahathir was Prime Minister of Malaysia

One lousy day in the middle of the last economic crisis, PM Mahathir was feeling extremely frustrated and wondering how a neighboring country can be doing better than Malaysia .

One of his aides said, I heard that the leaders consult Feng Shui masters to ensure prosperity for the country. Dr Mahathir thought if that was the case, Malaysia Bomoh also can, and went to seek the top bomoh's advice in the country.

After reviewing the case, the bomoh told Dr M that there were 2 things that he must do:

Bomoh: Step 1. You must blame the crisis on SOROS for everything.

Dr M: But Why?

Bomoh: Because SOROS stands for 'Speculate On Ringgit Or Stocks'. You must blame him, and look at ways to control the ringgit and stock market.

Bomoh: Step 2 - You must get rid of ANWAR.

Dr M: What! why him?

Bomoh: Because ANWAR stands for 'A Nation Without Any Ringgit'.

Dr M: But how? This is most difficult to do, he is popular with the people.

Bomoh: Aiyoh, you bodoh lah! Look at your name, MAHATHIR.
Make Anwar Homosexual And Then Highlight It Repeatedly


Subject:
M.A.H.A.T.H. I.R

Th! is is a new acronymn... stands for:
Must
Always
Hantam
Abdullah
Till
He
Is
Removed

[app_engine]

http://www.dailythanthi.com/article.asp?NewsID=483349&disdate=4/23/2009

ஜெருசலேம் செல்ல மானியம்:-)

நம்ம அரசியல் தலைவர்கள் எப்படியெல்லாம் ஜோக் அடிக்கிறாங்கப்பா!

[directhit]

[tscii:d20872a43c]
A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we’ve been married for 15 years, but I want a divorce."
The husband says nothing but slowly increases the speed to 60 mph.

She then says, "I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and he’s a better lover than you."

Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases.

She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up and he is now doing 70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster and faster until he reaches 80 mph.

She says, "I want the car, the checking account and all the credit cards too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass pillar, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"

The husband says, "No, I’ve got everything I need."

She asks, "What’s that?"

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I’ve got the airbag!" [/tscii:d20872a43c]

[NOV]

A preacher was addressing a congregation:

"If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river".
And the congregation cried, "Amen !"

"And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river".
And the congregation cried, "Amen !"

"And if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world, I'd take it all and
throw it in the river".
Again the congregation cried, "Amen!"

The preacher sat down. The deacon then stood up & said: "For our closing
hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our hymn books and sing, 'We shall drink from that river'.

The congregation SCREAMED "HALLELUJAH !!!"

[sgokulprathap]

mixing correcttaa irukkumA? :confused2:

[app_engine]

http://election.dinamalar.com/news/2708/வடிவேலு-பாணியில்-டயலாக்-பேசும்-அரசியல்.html

:-)

[app_engine]

From the above link :


வருண்: எல்லாரும் பாத்துக்கோங்க, நான் ஜெயிலுக்கு போறேன்... நான் ஜெயிலுக்கு போறேன்... நான் ஜெயிலுக்கு போறேன்.
ராகுல் : சின்னப்புள்ள தனமாயில்ல இருக்கு.
கருணாநிதி: எந்த ஒரு விஷயத்தையும் ப்ளான் பண்ணாம பண்ணினா இப்படித்தான்... ப்ளான் பண்ணி பண்ணனும்... ஓ.கே.
ஜெயலலிதா: யப்பா... இப்பவே கண்ணைக் கட்டுதே.
ராமதாஸ்: பட்... எனக்கு அந்த டீலிங் ரொம்ப புடிச்சிருந்தது.
விஜயகாந்த்: அது போன மாசம்... நான் சொல்றது இந்த மாசம்.
வைகோ: இதுவரைக்கும் நல்லாத்தானே போய்ட்டிருந்தது?
தங்கபாலு: வேணா... வலிக்குது... அழுதுருவேன்.
சோனியா: என்னா வில்லத்தனம்?
அத்வானி: ராஜதந்திரத்தை கரைத்து குடித்துவிட்டாயடா.
மன்மோகன்: என்னைய வெச்சு காமெடி கீமிடி பண்ணலையே.
மாயாவதி: ஒரு குரூப்பாத்தான்யா அலயுறாங்க.
லாலு பிரசாத்: வரும்... ஆனா... வராது.
பிரணாப் முகர்ஜி : முடியல.
திருமாவளவன்: இப்படிதான் உசுப்பேத்தி உசுப்பேத்தி உடம்பெல்லாம் ரணமாயிருது.
சரத்குமார்: 'ரிஸ்க்கு எடுக்குறது எனக்கு ரஸ்க்கு சாப்புடுற மாதிரி'
கார்த்திக்: அவ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்.
ரோஜா: ரூம் போட்டு யோசிப்பாய்ங்களோ?'
விஜய டி. ராஜேந்தர்: இதுவரைக்கும் என்ன யாரும் தொட்டதில்ல.
மிஸ்டர் வாக்காளர்: கிளம்பீட்டாய்ங்கய்யா... கிளம்பீட்டாய்ங்க.

[Vivasaayi]

From the above link :


வருண்: எல்லாரும் பாத்துக்கோங்க, நான் ஜெயிலுக்கு போறேன்... நான் ஜெயிலுக்கு போறேன்... நான் ஜெயிலுக்கு போறேன்.
ராகுல் : சின்னப்புள்ள தனமாயில்ல இருக்கு.
கருணாநிதி: எந்த ஒரு விஷயத்தையும் ப்ளான் பண்ணாம பண்ணினா இப்படித்தான்... ப்ளான் பண்ணி பண்ணனும்... ஓ.கே.

ராமதாஸ்: பட்... எனக்கு அந்த டீலிங் ரொம்ப புடிச்சிருந்தது.


சோனியா: என்னா வில்லத்தனம்?

அத்வானி: ராஜதந்திரத்தை கரைத்து குடித்துவிட்டாயடா.


பிரணாப் முகர்ஜி : முடியல.

திருமாவளவன்: இப்படிதான் உசுப்பேத்தி உசுப்பேத்தி உடம்பெல்லாம் ரணமாயிருது.


கார்த்திக்: அவ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்.

விஜய டி. ராஜேந்தர்: இதுவரைக்கும் என்ன யாரும் தொட்டதில்ல.





:lol:

[app_engine]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_obama100_days_style



Asked during a February interview with US Weekly whether he wore boxers or briefs, the new president said: "I don't answer those humiliating questions. But whichever one it is, I look good in 'em!"


It would be really interesting if such questions are asked to the political leaders in India :-)

[NOV]

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die.

This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge.. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank..

Here is the conversation :

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Citibank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

Citibank: 'Excuse me?'

Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'

Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'


Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'


Citibank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)

Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given)


After the bank got the fax :

Citibank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'

Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'

Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'

(What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'

Citibank: 'That might help...'

Family Member: ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'

Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'


You wondered why Citibank is going broke and need the feds to bail them out!!
I WONDER IF THIS CLOWN GOT ONE OF THE BONUSES?

[NOV]

Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and the thirty thieves. Ten were laid off

[NOV]

Batman and Robin are now Batman and Pedro.

Batman fired Robin and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at the same rate

[NOV]

Iron man now "air-pooling" with Superman to save fuel costs.

[NOV]

Women finally marrying for love, and not money

[NOV]

Q: With the current market turmoil, what's the easiest way to make a small fortune?

A: Start off with a large one.

[NOV]

[tscii]The credit crunch is getting bad isn't it?

I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I'm now America’s third biggest lender.

[NOV]

Q: Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning?

A: Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.

[NOV]

Q: What's the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?

A: In a few weeks, nothing.

[NOV]

Dow Jones is re-branded as "Down Jones".

[NOV]

[tscii]Quote from a Wall Street banker:
This is worse than divorce. I’ve lost half of my assets and I still have my wife…!!!!..

[NOV]

Last night my wife and I were sitting in the living room, talking about life. In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.

I said to her: 'Dear, never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle.
If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather
die'.

Then my wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration towards me...and proceeded to disconnect the TV,
the Cable, the Dish, the DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the fridge and threw away all my beer!

I ALMOST DIED !!

[jaaze]

Last night my wife and I were sitting in the living room, talking about life. In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.

I said to her: 'Dear, never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle.
If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather
die'.

Then my wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration towards me...and proceeded to disconnect the TV,
the Cable, the Dish, the DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the fridge and threw away all my beer!

I ALMOST DIED !! :lol:

[jaaze]

Ways to annoy people.

DISCLAIMER : THE TS WILL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY LAWSUITS CAUSED BY THE STUFF WRITTEN HERE.



Accuse people of "glue sniffing addictions" in public.
Add blank entries to a list, to make it look like it's longer.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven't received enough chocolate sprinkles.
Answer every question with another question. As soon as one of you says a statement instead of a question, shout "I win!".
Any time a member of the opposite sex tries to talk to you, hold your hand up to prevent them from saying anything and say, "Look, I know what you're going to ask me... For the last time, no, I will NOT go out with you."
Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. Then eat raw potatoes.
As people talk, smell their shoulders.
Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
Ask people to prove everything they say. (e.g. "I'm Bob, nice to meet you..." "PROVE IT!")
Ask people what gender they are.
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
At a restaurant, repeatedly send your food back for changes and after awhile insist that, "This isn't what I ordered!"
At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
At random times in a conversation, say "Hi," "Hello Sir, how are you?" or "Have a good day, thank you."
At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.


Bark like a dog whenever anyone says the word "the."
Be "in conference" all the time.
Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons.
Begin all your sentences with "Ohh la la!"
Block the entrances of elevators, buses, and subways.
Bring 15 things into the dressing room.
Bring a portable CD player to a concert and listen the CD because you insist that it is "Just better quality"
Buy goldfish and ask the clerk if they come with chips.
Buy it, wear it, return it.
Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.


Call every pager number you know and leave the number for your local McDonalds.
Call everyone a communist.
Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today.
Call other people "Champ" or "Tiger.". Refer to yourself as "Coach."
Call someone and ask for someone that you know is not there then hang up. Call again about a half hour latter and ask for the same person then hang up again. Wait another half hour and call again and ask for that person again and then hang up again and wait a hour and call the same number and say that you are the person that you have been calling for and ask if you had any messages.
Call the operator. When asked, "Can I help you?" reply, "No thanks, just browsing."
Call your neighbors collect.
Change Channels five minutes before the end of every show.
Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
Chew on pens/pncils that you've borrowed.
Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
Claim you are fluent in over 6 million forms of communication - constantly, every time any language is mentioned, even if the comment is not directed to you
Clear your throat every three or four words while speaking.
Click your mechanical pencils or your pens during a test in school.
Close your eyes and start snoring whenever anyone tries to talk to you.
Consistently refer to everyone as 'mortal.'
Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, pronouncing the results.
Continually try to get all of the people who write you letters to put cellophane tape over their stamps so that you can wipe off the postmark and reuse them.
Continue to ask someone, "Is this annoying? Is this annoying?" over and over and over.
Continuously mumble during a conversation.
Continuously open your briefcase or bag and say into it, "Have you got enough air in there?"
Convince people you are deaf and talk in an incredibly phony sign language.
Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl.


Dance fast to slow music and vice-versa.
Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
Decline to be seated at a restaurant and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
Dedicate your life to politics, become president of the United States, then raise all taxes to 90%.
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
Determine how many cups of coffee is 'too many'.
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Develop strategies for cutting into the front of lines.
Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.
Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
Don't clean the dryer lint screen.
Don't leave a message at the beep, just hangup.
Don't rewind videocassettes before bringing them back.
Don't stand during hymns and anthems.
dont use any punctuation
Down a can of Coke in one drink and then burp loudly.
Draw mustaches on posters.
Dress like a "High-class rich person" and wash windows at random street corners.
Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
Drive half a block.
Drum on every available surface.
Drum your fingers during other people's presentations.


Eat out with friends and "forget" your wallet.
Eat produce at the market; don't buy it.
E-mail Microsoft to tell them about bugs in Windows XP that aren't actually there.
Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
Every time someone asks you to do something or says something to you ask "Is that a threat?"
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver.
Every time you see a particular coworker, shout, "So we meet again!" and laugh evilly.
Explain "the little green men" in detail to someone, and when they don't believe you, accuse them of being one in disguise.

[jaaze]

[tscii:1afa2cab5e]Face the back when standing in an elevator.
Fart in cramped places.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
Finish each sentence with "Monkey See, Monkey Do".
Finish other people's crossword puzzles
Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
Flirt with a friend's spouse, lick your lips slowly, wink, etc.
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
For a relaxing break, get away from it all in the fish tank with a mask and snorkel.
Force everyone to remove their shoes when they enter your office "to prevent contamination."
Forget the pooper scooper.
“Forget” the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
Frantically change the date on people's computers back 50 years, and claim that you are trying to save humanity from the "Year 2000 Bug."


Get to know a friends bookie and place bets for them. Insist on keeping half of any money they win.
Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
Give little kids clothes for their birthdays
Go canoeing and sing the Hawaii Five-0 theme.
Go to a gumball machine insert coins until you have a matching pair of fake eyeballs. After attaining these, record the theme song of The Twilight Zone over and over again. Drive down the street wearing the eyeballs and playing The Twilight Zone theme very loud. When you get pulled over, leap into the passenger's seat and claim, "He was here a minute ago, officer!"
Go to a Metallica concert wearing a Michael Bolton T-Shirt.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Go to a shoe store and try on every shoe, then say that you aren't interested in buying shoes and leave.
Go to McDonalds and ask for a BK Whopper.
Go up the down escalator.
Go up to a someone and say, "Are you annoyed by irrelevant questions?" And then walk away very quickly.
Grin so wide it hurts your cheeks at every salesperson in town.


Hang around national monuments all day, trying to get in other people's vacation photos. Afterwards, give them your address and ask them to send you a print when they get them developed.
Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
Hold the elevator until you have finished your conversation.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.


In an office, lock all the doors behind you.
In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination, UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Insist completely ridiculous things are true - like Bush is still President.
Insist on buying airplane tickets for friends to "save them money." Make sure the plane departs at 5AM and the tickets are non-refundable. Point out that you didn't really save them any money.
Insist on giving weather forecasts in public. Claim to be AMS certified.
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
Insist that Celine Dion is better than the Beatles.
Insist that it was Bobby who shot J.R.
Insist that your e-mail address be zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com
Instead of singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall, sing 999,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall!
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.


Keep changing the TV channel every two seconds.


Learn "Ice Ice Baby" by heart and recite it endlessly.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
Leave lipstick prints on people's cheeks and foreheads.
Leave pages in the copier.
Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.
Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April.
Leave the toilet seat up
Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
Leave your Metallica CD in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
Leave your pantyhose hanging in the shower.
Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the parking lot.
Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
Let doors slam behind you -- in other people's faces.
Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Lie to your therapist.
Light road flares on a birthday cake.
Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
Look at your hand in amazement and say, "Whoa, I never knew I had this!"
Loudly recite people's most embarrassing secrets in restaurants.


Make appointments for the 31st of September.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Make scary faces at babies.
Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi." (Hmmm, I guess our President has already co-opted this idea!)
Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking.
Mow your carpet. (Or preferably somebody else's)
Mow your lawn with scissors.

Name your dog "Dog."
Never break eye contact.
Never make eye contact.


Occasionally bark in a high-pitched voice.
On a hot summer day, ride up and down the road and drench pedestrians with squirt guns.
On a night other than Halloween, get a few friends together and dress like Jason from Friday the 13th. Have each of you stand a mile apart on a highway.
On buses, attempt to convince the driver to take a really cool short-cut you know. Barter and haggle for your fare.
On the public bus, keep asking the driver nervously, "are we there yet?"
only type in lowercase.
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
Open umbrellas in crowded hallways.
Order a pizza and ask them if they can "please put the crust on top this time" in an exasperated voice.
Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
Outloud say "What?" and then answer "Never mind. It's gone now."[/tscii:1afa2cab5e]

[jaaze]

[tscii:dbf88f964c]Page yourself over an intercom, but don't disguise your voice.
Pay for your dinner with pennies.
Pay tolls with $100 bills
Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening.
Phone random numbers and tell them you are holding their daughter hostage.
Pick your ear wax and ask if you could use their sleeve to wipe it off.
Pinch all the chocolate candies until you find the one you want.
Place your shoes on the table.
Play the electric guitar very loudly and badly, then when the neighbors ask you to turn it down, play even louder. When they come round to complain again, say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked me to turn it up!
Plead with the person next to you for the window seat on the plane, and then get up fifteen or twenty times during the course of the flight complaining that you should have taken two spoonsful of "The Pink Stuff".
Poke anyone near you and say, "stop violating my personal space."
Pose as a client at a bank or other professional institution, and when you are seated in front of their desk, keep rearranging the items on top into different patterns and tell them you are "just reorganizing things."
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Practice the art of limp handshakes
Press the "power" button on on someone's computer or keyboard when they're almost finished typing up a long essay, story etc. Apologize sincerely, claiming that you thought it was the focus adjustment.
Pretend you are invisible.
Pretend you have gone completely deaf.
Pretend your computers mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it.
Pretend you're listening.
Produce a rental video consisting entirely of FBI copyright warnings.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
Put a title like Senator or Doctor before your name when making dinner and hotel reservations.
Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Put everyone on speakerphone.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'.

Race the old woman for the last bus seat.
Rain on someone's parade.
Read over other people's shoulders on the bus.
Rearrange the keys on associates' keyboards to spell unflattering things about their mothers.
Recite every song from the Playstation games PaRappa the Rapper and Um Jammer Lammy.
Recite Shakespearian poetry to everyone you meet.
Recite the first 100 decimal places of Pi. Then ask if people want to hear it in binary, too.
Remove single socks from laundry machines at public laundromats. Replace them bright red scarves which are especially prone to bleeding.
Repeat everything someone says as a question.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Ride a unicycle to work.
Ride on the shoulder until you pass all the jammed traffic; then cut in.
Run around holding your elbows and asking people to please take the straightjacket off you.
Run through the halls of your office building or school with your arms outstretched, making airplane noises. Periodically crash into pedestrians and lose a wing. Spiral to a crash and repeat.

Sample every flavor of ice cream and tell the clerk what you don't like about each one.
Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?"
Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
Secretly learn to play the piano, then go to a friend's house who has a piano. Claim you've never played before then play Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring perfectly the first time. Then say, "I guess I must kinda be a natural."
See if you can be the first one off the plane, even if you are sitting by the window.
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
Send e-mail to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your agency's programs. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
Send emails to listserv when nobody else can
Send people annoying chain forwards with outrageous consequences like "If you don't send this to 300 people in 4 seconds you will die instantly" and then insist that it is true and it happened to your uncle.
Serve corn on the cob to people with dentures.
Serve TV dinners, wine coolers, and Twinkies on Thanksgiving.
Set alarms for random times.
Shake with your left hand.
Sharpen All your pencils to the same size EXACTLY.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Sing along at the opera.
Sing the "This is the song that never ends" song from Lampchop's Play-Along.
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Sit in the home bleachers and cheer for the other team.
Slap people and tell them to stop grabbing your ass.
Smell smoke often and announce it.
Snap your gum.
Sniffle incessantly.
Speak in a strong Welsh accent.
Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
Spend all day at a fast food restaurant and see how long it takes before you have to pay for your "free" refills.
Spend an entire weekend pretending you are R2-D2.
Spread fertilizer on half your neighbor's lawn.
Squeeze the toothpaste from the top, and while you're at it, leave the cap off.
Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Stare at people for about five minutes, making sure they know you're staring at them. Then, slowly sneak up to them while humming the Mission: Impossible theme. Sniff their head, then run away. Repeat.
Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
Start to build a Star Destroyer. Build a mock-up out of popsicle sticks.
Step on the back of the shoe of the person in front of you.
Step on the heels of the person in front of you, and ask them to watch where they're going.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Surprise old friend's by visiting them at 3AM "to discuss old times".
Switch your neighbor's lawn furniture with someone else's.

Tailgate the elderly.
Take more than 10 items to the express checkout lane
Take off the eraser to every pencil in your house, or better yet, someone else's house.
Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away.
Tap someone on the shoulder repeatedly.
Tape a blank piece of typing paper to your dorm or office door and leave it up for ages; when someone finally writes on it, yell at them and tell them to please not deface your property.
Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of rental movies.
Tell everyone you are Bill Clinton's cousin.
Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus.
Tell people that they're "putting on weight nicely."
Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.
Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweatpants.
Tell people they have bad breath.
Tell small children that they don't look very promising.
Tell teenagers how things were in your day.
Tell the ending of movies
Throw an Oh Henry in a public pool.
Throw newspapers back at paperboys.
Throw stones at people walking past your house.
Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
Touch strangers.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
Try to fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence you say.

Unbend all the paperclips you can find, then replace every eraser you can find with a rubber band.
Use the last square of toilet paper and do not change the roll.

Vacuum your lawn. (Or preferably somebody else's)

Wait until you get to work to shave.
Walk around at the casino, looking at people's hands and giving them advice loudly. "Wow, that's a GOOD one!" or "Get rid of the nine; you've got a pair of kings!"
Walk into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food.
Walk up to random people and ask them, very seriously, "Do you know the muffin man?"
Walk up to random strangers insisting you are family.
Walk up to someone eating. Lean over and stare at them intently until they notice. Continue to do so until they ask what you're doing. Reply, "I've been watching you eat for the last 30 seconds.. You're weird!" Leave the restaurant.
Walk very slowly, and make sure nobody can get past you, move in front of them when the try.
Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
Wash and scrub the trees in your front lawn.
Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
Wear a lot\of cologne.
Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
Wear alarming combinations of pink and green and comment about everybody else's fashion sense.
Wear large hats during the movies.
Wear nothing but white and go mud wrestling.
Wear odd shoes.
Wear your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a lot.
Wear your pants backwards.
When a cop pulls you over, when they step up to your car, drive forward slowly and make them walk. Especially if it's raining.
When at an ATM, try to have a conversation with it, or pretend it stole your card. (This works best if there's a line.)
When at dinner at a fancy restaurant, keep blowing out the candle in the middle of the table, and blame it on your date.
When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
When giving directions, leave out a turn or two.
When in a chat room, spell everything incorrectly.
When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention."
When in an elevator, in different voices, shout out random floors, and then watch as you get there, no one gets off.
When in public, pretend you are selling something in an infomercial.
When it says, "Reserved Parking", this means you.
When people ask you to do things, mutter under your breath, "This won't be neccessary where you are going."
When riding up an elevator with a stranger, start singing a song that everyone knows, then expect them to start singing too. If they do not start singing, insist, “Everyone knows that song. Are you stupid?”
When standing near a "high-class person," ask them, "Excuse me, but do I have a booger hanging on my nose? I thought I picked it off."
When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.
When walking down a main road, act like a drunk.
When walking push an invisible cart and make loud squeaky noises.
When walking, talk to yourself constantly.
When you're in an argument, no matter what it's about, keep yelling "I don't see your name on it!".
Whenever anybody says anything to you. Respond by saying, "I know."
Whenever anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have just told and extremely funny joke.
Whenever somebody says something, ask what the simplest word they said means. When they explain, ask what the simplest word in their explanation means. Repeat this for the entire conversation.
Whenever someone finishes a sentence say, "And then what happened?"
Whenever someone lights a cigarette, tackle the person and yell "Stop, drop, and roll!"
While driving if you see a "How am I driving" bumper sticker, call the number and inform the operator that the driver is doing a great job.
While going down in an elevator scream, "AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!! WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!" for no apparent reason.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive and put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
While walking make car noises loudly (Such as changing gears).
Wire up people's cars so the horn comes on as soon as their car is started.
Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.[/tscii:dbf88f964c]

[ajithfederer]

[tscii:9fbb439031]Politics In Tunnel
Manmohan Singh , George W. Bush , Aishwarya Rai and Sonia Gandhi were traveling in a train. The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Sonia and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed. Bush is bent over holding his face , which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.
Sonia is thinking: “This guy (Bush) is all crazy after Aishwarya. Bush must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him”.
Aishwarya is thinking: “Bush must have moved to kiss me , and kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.”
Bush is thinking: “Damn it! Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya , she thought it was me and slapped me.”
Manmohan Singh is thinking: “If this train goes through another tunnel , I could make another kissing sound and slap Bush again..”
Singh is King! Singh is King!! Singh is King!!! [/tscii:9fbb439031]

[app_engine]

http://dinamalar.com/fpnnews.asp?News_id=3714&cls=row4

Rahul says communists, Nithish Janata, ADMK - everybody will be with them after election :-) (In other words, only BJP is exempt).

In addition, he "doesn't mind" becoming a minister.

Who knows, the thalai ezhuththu of the country may be such that some day this comedian may be the head of a bn people :-(

[app_engine]

More comedy by Rahul

http://dinamalar.com/Arasiyalnewsdetail.asp?News_id=10451&ncat=IN

Can't help but get reminded of
"அட, அரசியல்ல இதெல்லாம் சகஜமப்பா"

[ksen]

And pigs may fly....


It was once said that before a black man became president, pigs would fly.

Right now, 100 days into Obama's term, swine flu!

[app_engine]

http://dinamalar.com/fpnnews.asp?News_id=3772

Sounds like Stalin took training from Gounder :-)

(மதம் பிடித்த யானை, குட்டி யானை etc )

[NOV]

KITCHEN TIPS
&
Kitchen Tips


Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway!


To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.


When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

Go to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it for you!


If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant 'fix-me-up.'

If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: 'I made it, you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!'


Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

Celery? Never heard of it!


Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don't.


Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!


If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.



Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Leftover wine???????? ??? HELLO!!!!!!!