Joint family concept .....where is it now ??

[S.Balaji]

[tscii:3f8c1d1643]After a careful consideration, I decided to put this thread under Indian History and Culture because it was one of those respected , time tested and wonderful concept given to our previous generation by our forefathers……

30 years before ( may be 40 or even 50 ) , we had a concept of joint family system…..wherein one could see the leader of the family, Father and mother with atleast 5 children …..getting brought up and groomed …make them married ….seeing the next generation….grand children ….and the family went on further…..

despite the financial pressures and the space constraints, middle class families and lower middle class families followed this path …

One always had his / her Grandmother or grandfather or uncle or aunt to support you back home .......

this concept had lots of positives and few shortcomings ……

The positives :

1.any good or bad event….you have someone to share with
2.having a seasoned senior member comes handy during crisis
3.the junior member has lesser responsibilities as the senior continues to shoulder up to a reasonable period

Negatives :

1.Little or no privacy
2.Sharing of common expenses

However, I could find more positives in my personal experience ……..

But unfortunately, this great concept is virtually dead now and very few families follow this concept ….or no one probably ?

Why did this concept created by our forefathers is defunct now ??

Lets share our thoughts ……


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[mahadevan]

I share the same feelings, family is the greatest invention of mankind after GOD, joint family is the best solution for most of the social problems, I am in favor of a limited version of the joint family where the couple lives with their parents and childrens, not necessarily with the families of their siblings. Humans needs help when they are young and when they are old(second childhood) in between they can help others. In the west the young children are well taken care off but the older ones are left in a miserably position, this is what I prefer to call as animal models as manifested from the Lion to the birds. In India we are also moving from our traditional, staying with our parents to the nuclear family model. The most striking reason is the migration factor, when all the kids are scattered across the globe where would the parents be, in the era of free trade on every thing but for labor(human) movement. Even within India when people move from villages to cities the same problems persists but it is driven more by economic factors. Last but the most important is the attitudes of the women in India, whether it is the MIL or DIL role that they play and reluctance on all of us to evolve our ways of achieving a happy family without undue compromises on career etc.

[srivatsan]

It is in Histroy of Indians....(no no no....dont take it tooo far in the past.....just 20-50 years before)

[S.Balaji]

Mahadevan

You have echoed my thoughts . nice....

Is this new trend of small family also instrumental for the growing HOME FOR THE AGED ?

[P_R]

With we two ours one it is a sustainable system with less of the negatives mentioned. I am wondering how the system survived when it was common to have 6-7 children. Every generation someone would have had to break away and start on his own. Isn't it ?

[srivatsan]

With we two ours one it is a sustainable system with less of the negatives mentioned. I am wondering how the system survived when it was common to have 6-7 children. Every generation someone would have had to break away and start on his own. Isn't it ?
As Varna system was followed even before, 50 years, almost all of the family members would do the same job or we can simply say, the whole family would do the same job......Hence it was not a problem....but when they had to leave the system, they were not able to be in the same bonds and now it has become almost impossible...

[P_R]

Even if everone did the same job my surprise remains. Suppose there is a man and his wife (2 members) with a piece of farming land. Suppose the couple has 6 children. 3 women who leave after marriage and 3 men who get married (3X2 =6). When they have 6 children each, (even if you assume the grandparents would have passed away due to a low life expectancy) the household size would now be around 24. This number explodes with each passing generation. Even if the family acquires land or upps productivity, to maintain the same lifestyle, the land acquisition or productivity should grow faster than the rate of growth of family (with the binding assumption of the same job for the family).

So the system seems inherently unsustaiable without sufficient leakage (i.e. people breaking away at some stage).

I am able to understand the expansion of services and trade to a ceratin extent. But land still intrigues me.

[pradheep]

Dear friends
There are two reasons (one following the other) why our traditional joint family system broke to nuclear. The concept of accrueing wealth for children is the first step in breaking jointfamily system. Instead of having a common wealth among brother's children, when the concept of "My" children comes into picture,leads to disintegration of the family system. From this "my"comes the concept of my independence, my likes and dislikes. This is the second reason for this joint family systemdown fall. Our tradition always gave less importance to the individuality,but more for the common welfare. When the individual importance is given there isnoquestion about joint family. If we cannot adjust and live amongfamily memebers then where is the question of universal brotherhood?

Our concept of family was the joint family include grandparents, brothers family and children. Now family means wife husband and children. Everyone else is excluded.
In the west the importance of individuality is given so much importance that even the family system of husbnad wife and children is demolished.

[S.Balaji]

Pradeep .... nice exchange of thoughts

but tell me how this MY concept crept in ?

There has to be a significant shift in attitude to move from OURS to MY ....

can you pls explain

[pradheep]

The "MY" thought in royal families was the cause for wars."My" son thought of kaikeyi and Dritharastra was the root cause of Ramayana and Mahabharatha.

In India, in the post independence era, "MY" thought started popping up in the minds of the individuals, due to western influence. As I mentioned, the "I or my" VS comes from greed and all the social problems that we see now is due to this shift.

[pavalamani pragasam]

:clap:

[Raghu]

The "MY" thought in royal families was the cause for wars."My" son thought of kaikeyi and Dritharastra was the root cause of Ramayana and Mahabharatha.

In India, in the post independence era, "MY" thought started popping up in the minds of the individuals, due to western influence. As I mentioned, the "I or my" VS comes from greed and all the social problems that we see now is due to this shift.

Dear Pradheep,

Exactly, this EGOISM and GREED, is the MAIN root of HUMAN RACE', trauma!!,

Dear Balaji anNe,

Nice topic keep it up, I also love this so called JOINT FAMILY concept, but in a REAL world, it does not work out like this, esp the MOTHER -IN -LAW and DAUGHTER - IN - LAW problems, I really FEEL SO BAD for telling this, and my ELDERS PLS 4GIVE me saying ths, but I FEEL women are the ROOTS of problems in FAMILY life, be it your Mother, sister or wife, there is always a women behind all the causes

Opps sorry, JUST SAID MY VIEW, PLS ACCEPT MY APOLOGIES, if I HAVE OFFENDED ANY ONE :(

[pavalamani pragasam]

2 generations back in the large joint family of grandparents, uncles, aunts & cousins the quality of life was excellent withgiving, sharing, adjusting tendencies abundantly encouraged. Co-sisters looked after all the children, fed them, tended them even suckled another one's baby without a shade of "my" in their thoughts. The children grew up learning a lot of practical wisdom, general knowledge & maturity. Today's mothers can't look after even their own children/child and need the service of a creche! elders are taken care of by old age homes. Selfish, spoilt brats with precosity, obesity, intelligence and stunted emotional growth are the present generation. There are exceptions where values are still adhered to. But the trend towards materialistic life & selfish mentality is on the increase, aping the West.

[pradheep]

Dear Raghu and PP,
The MIL DIl problem comes when the MIL tries to live the life of the DIL. The older generation does not allow the younger generation to live their life. The MIL does not give her attachment to her son and claims "MY" son. The son becomes a materalistic possession for the MIL and so the problem starts.
The problem of the DIL is that she can tolerate her own mother's draw backs but cannot do that with MIL.

Our Indian tradition is so beautifully designed that in old age one should take vanaprastha. It is not physcially leaving the home , but the time to seek more inwards. The older generation should advice children but with detachment.

The current older genration suffers from all sorts of old age ailments because of this non-retirement (mentally). When they live with this detachment then they embody wisdom. Current old parents lack that wisdom because of this detachment. I have personally met a few old parents who do vanaprashtha and I can see wisdom in their talk and peace for themselves and for the members of the family.

[manyvan2000]

The "MY" thought in royal families was the cause for wars."My" son thought of kaikeyi and Dritharastra was the root cause of Ramayana and Mahabharatha.

In India, in the post independence era, "MY" thought started popping up in the minds of the individuals, due to western influence. As I mentioned, the "I or my" VS comes from greed and all the social problems that we see now is due to this shift.

"MY" has never been a problem. In fact "MY" is very important for many good things. "MY what?" is the problem. If you think only of "MY wife" and not "MY mother", it is problem.

Sometimes it is very crucial. Otherwise "MY nation" and "MY language" would be dead, "MY people" will suffer. :)

[pradheep]

If you think only of "MY wife" and not "MY mother", it is problem.

Here the "My" in the form of attachment is the problem. Instead if you have the thought of just the mother and wife , then you treat them as they are and there is no problem.


Otherwise "MY nation" and "MY language" would be dead, "MY people" will suffer

This leads to terrorism. Instead if you treat all people alike, then everyone is benefitted instead of only my "nation". One should respect one's mother country and nation , language, people. But in action , it should benefit everyone, only then there would be peace in the world.

[P_R]

I think we are jumping fast here. At least too fast for me :-)

Blaming individualism for the demise of the joint family is a quick answer but IMO it glosses over certain things.

Yes a generation back grandfather uncles and cousins were all under one roof. But my question is: how come it was grandfather only...not his brothers too. If that were also the case... and if great grandfather also was in the same house, then how come great grandad's brothers weren't there.

What I am driving at is, the system is inherently unsustainable. At some point a branch breaks off (due to feud, migration, occupation etc). Then the scion starts off anew and we have about 3 generations living together and then branches separate again and so on. I suspect this would have been the pattern throughout history.

After all, we are all Adam's children. I don't think the rise of individualism alone can explain how we are not all under one roof now.

[pradheep]

then how come great grandad's brothers weren't there
Nucleating due to over crowding is not a problem. Nucleating for catering individual's likes and dislikes creates problems.

[pavalamani pragasam]

"Nucleating due to over crowding is not a problem. Nucleating for catering individual's likes and dislikes creates problems."

Yes, what Pradheep says is correct!

[P_R]

"Nucleating due to over crowding is not a problem. Nucleating for catering individual's likes and dislikes creates problems." I am not sure they are completely different, particularly because the definition of "crowd" is subjective. One can feel completely at home with a huge bunch of people but feel very suffocated in the company of even one or two people. So the feeling of overcrowding itself has its roots in the individual's likes and dislikes.

I think the one-couple-one-child policy is likely to redefine the joint family. Parents living with children and their children and so on. Vertically joint with strong filial bonds but no significant horizontal joints to speak of. Slowly brothers, sisters and consequently uncles, aunts, nephews and nieces would become rare species. Is this as scary as it sounds ? Perhaps we should chew on this....

[S.Balaji]

From my personal experience, I could realise that even the brother sister relationship is a bit diluted after marriage ...

the same old fondness is missing now a days ....

not sure how you all feel .........

[S.Balaji]

we have a huge list of cousins ( brothers and sisters ) our uncles and aunts etc ....and their branches......
fortunately the relationship is still intact ...as we converge for any good or sad incident .....
I am lucky to be brought up in such a manner

My eldest Periappa ( my Father's first brother ) is 92 years now and he continues to be our Guardian along with my periamma who is 83 years......
My mother continues to give the same old respect and admiration towards them ( my Father is no more now )
Though I have 2 elder brothers, our Periappa and our cousins ( elders ) continue to guide us on every sensitive matters

Our family was joint with our periappa family for looong before the space constraint made us to find another house but the respect and the admiration continues

can someone share his / her experience ?

[Raghu]

From my personal experience, I could realise that even the brother sister relationship is a bit diluted after marriage ...

the same old fondness is missing now a days ....

not sure how you all feel .........

balaji anNe,

I too have noticed this, my unlces(mum's brothers) and my mum dont BOND as much as they did when they were back in Sri Lanka, UK is far more MATERIALITIC country than Sri Lanka, i suppose, ppl here dont even have time to speak to their family members!

[Sandeep]

Joint family as system of supporting the old (grandparents) and the young (grandchildren) is without doubt the best way of life. But siblings, cousins... also hmm thats tough.

Again with earning of family members differing (not a problem between Parent-Child, Husband-Wife relation ) the traditional joint family becomes difficult.

As someone correctly put 'My Child' is definitely more important that "My brothers Child". Again as the same person said this has been the truth from the time of Ramayana and Mahabharatha, so dont blame western influence.

[bingleguy]

Does EGO has something to do with Joint-Family ?

Yes or No !

[great]

Does EGO has something to do with Joint-Family ?

Yes or No !

Defn yes !!!

[bingleguy]

Well then comes the question ... whos EGO ?

[dsath]

[tscii:20d0560f2d]
Again as the same person said this has been the truth from the time of Ramayana and Mahabharatha, so dont blame western influence.

Sensible point. We tend to blame most of our social and moral problems on the Western culture. Some of it may be true, but not all.

The demise of Joint family can be attributed more to the changes in our lifestyle more than anything else.

Long time ago, the whole family did the same job, it was more like a family job or business. All in the family were farmers (farming the same land) or priests or businessmen. So it was a team and all of them were working towards a common goal.
When all in the family are doing more or less the same thing, then the possibilities of rift are less likely.
But now each member of the team have a different goal. Its very rare to come across a family where all the siblings are involved in the same job, in the same geographical area. Its natural for a joint family system under such circumstance to work against the benefit rather than for the benefit of the whole family.
Even in present days there are lots of family businesses going on and they all live under the same roof.
Demise of joint family can be explained as adapting to the changing environment (in order to succeed) rather than the emergence of 'my' concept (which has been with us for since the evolution of mankind).
IMO the worrying trend is the ever sprouting Old age Homes. Old people who need to be looked after by their children, are left to fend for themselves, it’s the children’s responsibility to look after parents in their old age. Its degradation of this simple moral value that needs to be addressed.
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[ab_123]

Well then comes the question ... whos EGO ?

Ego of mother-in-law vs daughter-in-law for ONE (mother wanting son to do things her way, and son's wife wanting somethingelse).

In the olden days, the women's role was completely to stay home, and take care of the family. Even if they did work, they did not have an attitude of I am INDEPENDENT and I should have a say in everything, as women of today might. So people, for the most part, got get on with family life as usual.

Today, both husbands and wives work, and they both have to balance family life and careers. So the wife feels she is an EQUAL to the husband. So, depending on the woman's personality, inappropriate/out-of-line actions by the extended family can lead to problems. The same problems may have existed before, but women were more dependant on men then, and were not vocal about these things.

Joint family has its advantages and disadvantages. Basically, if people learnt to respect others' boundaries (and yes, there should be boundaries), then they would work better.

[ramky]

One of the causes for the breaking up of the joint family into smaller nuclear units is, the decline in family values. Previously the elders of the clan / family were held in great respect and they took most of the important decisions for all the members in the family. But due to the influence of western culture, the younger generation started deviating from these values. Women became more empowered and started asserting themselves within the family.

This led to inevitable ego clashes between the older and the younger generations. The elders could not adapt themselves to the changes in the moderan world and expected & demanded the same kind of respect from their sons, which they themselves had shown towards their elders, so many decades ago. The mother-in-law expected her son's wife to show her the same amount of respect which she herself had given to her mother-in-law.

This huge descripancy between the expectations of the elders on one hand, and what were the ground realities lead to an invisible divide between the two generations within the joint famliy setup. This barrier widened further when the sons started leaving the family in search of greener pastures.

And after living in this kind of independent setup, the wives of these sons also got accustomed to their new found "freedom" - of being able to do whatever they want, without the constant "interference" of their in-laws. And were not wiling to settle to living again with their in-laws once the sons returned after earning money and respect.

And thus, the Nuclear familly came into existence !

[bingleguy]

Ramky ... that was a nice piece of highlighting the values of family !

Well, FAMILY huh ! earlier this was not just guy n a gal with their children .... there simply existed one more family concept,prevailing today .... only the guy n the gal and only their children till they get married ! ONce the son or daughter gets married there exists no relationship logically is wat ppl think as of today !

Well no one person is held for such a drift ! Both the current and the previous generation have to be held responsible for this !

[dsath]

One of the causes for the breaking up of the joint family into smaller nuclear units is, the decline in family values. Previously the patricarch of the family was held in great respect and he took most of the important decisions for all the members in the family. But due to the influence of western culture, the younger generation started deviating from these values. Women became more empowered and started asserting themselves within the family.


I think this is not the case in 100% of the households. Our lives today revolve around work. Most of us are not doing what our parents did. So making decisions in our work, falls down to us. Even having family functions are governed by availability of the relatives involved. For example, having the traditional ear pricking ceremony for a child. In olden days i am sure the whole thing was decided by the patriarch of the family and an invitation was sent out to dear and near. But in today's life it depends on when the child's mama will get holidays to come down from US. So the involvement of the patriarch is very limited.
I think we had very strong women from time immemorial. Well may be education and career opportunities were limited, but within the household they were strong and very assertive.
Attributing women empowerment to the demise of the joint family system is unacceptable IMO.

As i said earlier there are many families which still maintain the joint family system. But most of them are families were all have the same trade and are jointly involved in building/maintaining the trade. In such cases the patriarch of the family has a lot of say and is looked up to in decision making process.

[Lambretta]

Well, FAMILY huh ! earlier this was not just guy n a gal with their children .... there simply existed one more family concept,prevailing today .... only the guy n the gal and only their children till they get married ! ONce the son or daughter gets married there exists no relationship logically is wat ppl think as of today !
Well no one person is held for such a drift ! Both the current and the previous generation have to be held responsible for this !
A bitter truth indeed, BG!
Neways, I've been wondering abt this issue of increase in old age homes.....
In today's scenario, ppl. r said to hav better incomes comp'd w/ the previous generations........esp. now tat both husband & wife in most families happen to be in jobs w. high earnings.....(esp. in most cases of the sons who hav a high-paying job & marry girls in similar profession/range of income!)
How come in this context they r said to find it difficult to take care of the parents/in-law then? In the past it was possible w/ jus one earning member of the family! :roll:

[ab_123]

Yes, I share your feelings regading old age homes. That is unacceptable.

[ramky]

One of the causes for the breaking up of the joint family into smaller nuclear units is, the decline in family values. Previously the patricarch of the family was held in great respect and he took most of the important decisions for all the members in the family. But due to the influence of western culture, the younger generation started deviating from these values. Women became more empowered and started asserting themselves within the family.


I think this is not the case in 100% of the households. Our lives today revolve around work. Most of us are not doing what our parents did. So making decisions in our work, falls down to us. Even having family functions are governed by availability of the relatives involved. For example, having the traditional ear pricking ceremony for a child. In olden days i am sure the whole thing was decided by the patriarch of the family and an invitation was sent out to dear and near. But in today's life it depends on when the child's mama will get holidays to come down from US. So the involvement of the patriarch is very limited.


dsath, I was pointing out the origin of the nuclear family concept and not about the present day situation about which I am well aware, and hence have no dispute with your what you have stated above.



I think we had very strong women from time immemorial. Well may be education and career opportunities were limited, but within the household they were strong and very assertive.

Agreed, but with all their knowledge, they were willing to live under the guidance of their elders ( FIL, MIL both ) and the wife didnt try to force her husband to move to another house.


Attributing women empowerment to the demise of the joint family system is unacceptable IMO.

I didnt mean to imply that it was so, only that it could have been one of the causes. But in the present day scenario, isnt the feud between the Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law a primary factor for the sons to set up a separate establishment ? Of course, they give enough explanations for doing so :arrow: MIL : "my son's office is nearer from there"; or the DIL : "my daughter's school is quite distant from my in law's place", and so on ! We seldom see any instance of the FIL and SIL being the cause for it.



As i said earlier there are many families which still maintain the joint family system. But most of them are families were all have the same trade and are jointly involved in building/maintaining the trade. In such cases the patriarch of the family has a lot of say and is looked up to in decision making process.

Well I have seen such instances in Gujarati, Marwadi, Punjabi & Sindhi families but dont know reg Tamil families. ....

[dsath]

Agreed, but with all their knowledge, they were willing to live under the guidance of their elders ( FIL, MIL both ) and the wife didnt try to force her husband to move to another house.

I didnt mean to imply that it was so, only that it could have been one of the causes. But in the present day scenario, isnt the feud between the Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law a primary factor for the sons to set up a separate establishment ? Of course, they give enough explanations for doing so :arrow: MIL : "my son's office is nearer from there"; or the DIL : "my daughter's school is quite distant from my in law's place", and so on ! We seldom see any instance of the FIL and SIL being the cause for it.


I am not so sure about this ramky. If you read the story of Kanaki and Kovalan they lived in a separate house even when they were living in the same town/village as their parents. I don't think Kanaki would have urged Kovalan to set up a separate household. I am of the opinion that Joint family system started for mere convince than for any thing else and stopped for the same reason.
The whole MIL-DIL thing is a hype and its taken to new levels of exaggeration by all these tele-serials.
Its difficult for 2 different people to get along well. In the case of Husband and wife love between them plays a major role. But the same thing cannot be applied to other relations including mother,father,brother,sister,-in-laws. So there will always be friction and this is blown out of proportions and is made to look larger than life by jokes,stories and serials.



Well I have seen such instances in Gujarati, Marwadi, Punjabi & Sindhi families but dont know reg Tamil families. ....
There are a few Tamil joint families and as i said before, they are all trading families mostly hotliers and farmers.

[bingleguy]

A bitter truth indeed, BG!
Neways, I've been wondering abt this issue of increase in old age homes.....
In today's scenario, ppl. r said to hav better incomes comp'd w/ the previous generations........esp. now tat both husband & wife in most families happen to be in jobs w. high earnings.....(esp. in most cases of the sons who hav a high-paying job & marry girls in similar profession/range of income!)
How come in this context they r said to find it difficult to take care of the parents/in-law then? In the past it was possible w/ jus one earning member of the family! :roll:

A real pathetic situation !

Who is held responsible for this situation ! i would say both the hubby n wife and the parents too !

Mistakes that the Parents make :
=> Decision Making - they wanted a say in everything !
=> Adjustment - They dont want to change to the current situation
=> Feelings - This is really pathetic, neither of them can be held responsible ... What say ? if the mother's son is married, she feels she has lost his son to the girl ! that he is no more her son ... but somebody elses husband !

Mistakes sons make:

=> Importance - he, after marriage, thinks only his wife n his children are his family ... forgetting the ppl who brought him up !
=> Care - He works for 14 hrs a day, the rest of the time ... he has time only for his immediate family ... he says a HI to his papa,during his morning coffee and a hi to mom when she serves his bfast (for both him and his wife)
Till date they have taken care of the son, now tis the turn of the son to take care of the parents !


Both are held responsible !

[S.Balaji]

Some nice discussions / exchange of thoughts here. Pl continue. I am going through all the posts .

[bingleguy]

Y dont u contribute too Balaji :-) u must have thoughts of ur own !

[pizzalot]

My point is families WILL break if there is "no explicit need" for them to remain together, especially patriarchial families. Most joint families are patriarchial in nature. They are built around ownership of resources and not due to natural instincts. There is no such instinct as father instinct. Simply the humans did not evolve with the knowledge who the father was. All they needed was a dominant man around.

So the patriarchial joint families are miracles indeed as far as nature is concerned. A lot of compromise is demanded from the women's part. One can only imagine how odd they will feel living with strangers. So women expect a lot of compensation for their compromises.

[dsath]

My point is families WILL break if there is "no explicit need" for them to remain together, especially patriarchial families. Most joint families are patriarchial in nature. They are built around ownership of resources and not due to natural instincts.
I guess this was what i was trying to say in my previous posts, but didn't use the right words. The system will die as there is no requirement for it.
I also think that the concept of joint family system is not traditional to South India. In the Tamil literature, i can't find any reference to Joint families (I should add that my knowledge abt Tamil lit is limited). If someone can find any references to joint families in Sangam literature, it will be a revelation for me.

[pizzalot]

I also think that the concept of joint family system is not traditional to South India. In the Tamil literature, i can't find any reference to Joint families (I should add that my knowledge abt Tamil lit is limited). If someone can find any references to joint families in Sangam literature, it will be a revelation for me.

Great point ! It could be the higher feeling of security.

Patriarchial society itself is the result of this feeling of insecurity. In North, most people feel alien to each other because the societies are much more complex. So they want to feel the safety in numbers.

In a homgeneous society like in South, hardly there was any need for families to stay together within a single roof. If at all they did, it must be compelled by economic reasons as mentioned by you.

Though off the subject, I wanted to mention the casual dress-code of men and women in homgeneous villages vs complex villages. Homogenous villages are more liberal in clothing probably because of the increased feeling of security. As the village gets closer to cities, this feeling is lost, and their awareness to the dress-code increases.

So putting it all together,

Need to feel secure + Economic Reasons >> Patriarchial Joint Families >> Conflicts >> Decreased feeling of insecurity + Abundance of economic resources >> breaking of joint families.

MIL, DIL, SIL , FIL issues are very trivial from this satellite view.

Agreed ?

[dsath]

I am not sure if a feeling of security/insecurity is responsible for maintaining/breaking joint families.
But i have to agree about the dress code and the homogenous structure of South compared to the North. But sadly this seems to be changing these days.

[manuel]

i would also like to add this, while lack of privacy is a negative in Joint Family System too much of privacy and freedom is also taking its toll on Nuclear families. we find Modern day parents giving too much freedom to their childrens as a result daughters and even modern mom's wearing any kind of dresses and attires outside home, childrens are given pocket moneys and never been asked an account of it .. they want to carry cell phones and other valuables to schools and colleges and strangely parents seems to be apathetic towards all this.

one of my friend was surprised to hear from his two colleagues who are married to each other and work in the same office along side him, say that both husband and wife do not know of how much salary each other earns and does not know of how do they save or spend it all these while they both stay in the same roof.
Now is'nt that too much freedom to ask for.

These kind of family & situations might be very rare but the question is "Are we seeing a trend in these lines ? is this how our family system going to shape up in another 20-25 years "
If this is, then it is bad

Too much of "Freedom" seems to be like distancing ourselves from each other and takes away the opportunity to show our love and affection toward one another with in the family and outside of it as well - The Society.

[pavalamani pragasam]

Trends are really changing. There were times when wives waited for their hubbies to return to have supper, woke up to open the door for them even at untimely hours. Now these habits are branded as anti feminist & the tired hubby returns for his lonely(& often cold) supper letting himself in with the duplicate key. Needless to add, early office goers opt for office canteen or some "bran"( kelloggs!). I can't digest the sight of my son's neighbour in the mutistoried apartments turning in the key to let himself in not disturbing his wife to open the door by pressing the calling bell! At about 6 in the evening! Middleaged couple, grown up children working, studying elsewhere. Two souls living under one roof and yet so aloof, at least in my eyes! Is this the modern age, the fashionable, luxurious life? Not for me!

[pizzalot]

Trends are really changing. There were times when wives waited for their hubbies to return to have supper, woke up to open the door for them even at untimely hours. Now these habits are branded as anti feminist & the tired hubby returns for his lonely(& often cold) supper letting himself in with the duplicate key. Needless to add, early office goers opt for office canteen or some "bran"( kelloggs!). I can't digest the sight of my son's neighbour in the mutistoried apartments turning in the key to let himself in not disturbing his wife to open the door by pressing the calling bell! At about 6 in the evening! Middleaged couple, grown up children working, studying elsewhere. Two souls living under one roof and yet so aloof, at least in my eyes! Is this the modern age, the fashionable, luxurious life? Not for me!

Does this woman work and earn money for the family ? Or is she having some health problems ? Or is the man really happy to do all that because she will make him somehow happy ? If it is a yes for any of the above, then it is OK. Otherwise, he is a fool. Probably she can be tamed if he brings his Mom for sometime. :D.

In anycase, such fools are very small in number, though growing steadily. Many men demand a lot from their wives even though she is working.