adoption vs having your own children (and what abt both?)

[Fire111999]

having your own (i.e. biological) child can't be equalled by adopting another's child as you will not be able to find delight in the similarities of your child to yourself and these similarities are a main reason for the link b/w you and your child.

in the case that you can't have children, once you adopt a child, i feel that you should not think of having a child yourself even if that option becomes possible. cos you don't want to have your adopted child claim unfair treatment cos he/she is not really your biological child. children claiming unfair treatment is a problem even without adoption to add to it.

what are your views on this?

[Sinthiya]

why not both?....:roll:....:) ....

if you love children, you can adopt and still show the same feeling you would as if it were your own biological child....

as a parent, you show unconditional love to all your children...whether adopted or not....

[Fire111999]

why not both?....:roll:....:) ....

if you love children, you can adopt and still show the same feeling you would as if it were your own biological child....

as a parent, you show unconditional love to all your children...whether adopted or not....

yes. but can u convince ur adpoted child of that. what's to stop the child growing up always feeling inferior to your real child? or if you favor your adopted child to avoid this, how can this be natural? this would only widen the gap b/w you and your adopted child!

[Sinthiya]

it's how a parent raises the children...

it's natural for the adopted child to feel inferior to the real child; i think it's the parents responsibility to minimize his/her feeling and find ways for both of them to share toys, etc...

we can even say parents favour among their own biological children....it happens, and as a parent, you just have to come to a realization, understand and try to avoid that...all parents have done that at some point, but in my case, my parents always have a good reason when they favor one of us over another at times...and as we grow, we learn to understand....

[Fire111999]

it's how a parent raises the children...

it's natural for the adopted child to feel inferior to the real child; i think it's the parents responsibility to minimize his/her feeling and find ways for both of them to share toys, etc...

we can even say parents favour among their own biological children....it happens, and as a parent, you just have to come to a realization, understand and try to avoid that...all parents have done that at some point, but in my case, my parents always have a good reason when they favor one of us over another at times...and as we grow, we learn to understand....

yes, it is natural for the adopted child to feel inferior and for parents to try and minimise the feeling will not make things better, it will only cause more of a drift as the adopted child grows up. so to avaoid this, if u adopt a child, you should not have biological children.

and yes, parents do have partialities among their biological children but in the case of an adopted child, it is hard for that child to understand, even as he/she grows, that the reason is not becos he or she is adopted. this is a cruel thing to do to any child.

[Sinthiya]

i think you can adopt a child and have your own children..nothing wrong in that...you can raise both children with equal love, it's how you raise them...allow the children to share always..encourage them to play together, talk to them, keep an open relationship...there are MANY ways to minimize the feeling without being obvious...if you show unconditional love to both children, nothing else matters to them...

as they grow up, the adopted child may feel awkward, but it's parents responsibility to maintain the open relationship to discuss anything...and the adopted child will understand if he/she feels the real love from his/her parents....i think....

it's not easy...but if you care, and are willing to take on such responsibility...then it's possible....

[Sinthiya]

every child is unique and parents have to cater to every child's personality, behaviour and attitude to show their love...so the child doesn't feel neglected....same goes for the adopted child...

[Fire111999]

i think you can adopt a child and have your own children..nothing wrong in that...you can raise both children with equal love, it's how you raise them...allow the children to share always..encourage them to play together, talk to them, keep an open relationship...there are MANY ways to minimize the feeling without being obvious...if you show unconditional love to both children, nothing else matters to them...

as they grow up, the adopted child may feel awkward, but it's parents responsibility to maintain the open relationship to discuss anything...and the adopted child will understand if he/she feels the real love from his/her parents....i think....

it's not easy...but if you care, and are willing to take on such responsibility...then it's possible....

ok, but it takes a lot of effort. nowadays, it is hard enuf for working parents to find the time for their kids. so isn't it extremely difficult for them to take extra effort for the more delicate handling of their adopted child? and what would happen if you react at times without thinking, thus hurting your adopted child (cos isn't it natural to have a preference for your own child deep in your heart, however much you wish it to be otherwise?)

[Fire111999]

i think you can adopt a child and have your own children..nothing wrong in that...you can raise both children with equal love, it's how you raise them...allow the children to share always..encourage them to play together, talk to them, keep an open relationship...there are MANY ways to minimize the feeling without being obvious...if you show unconditional love to both children, nothing else matters to them...

as they grow up, the adopted child may feel awkward, but it's parents responsibility to maintain the open relationship to discuss anything...and the adopted child will understand if he/she feels the real love from his/her parents....i think....

it's not easy...but if you care, and are willing to take on such responsibility...then it's possible....

ok, but it takes a lot of effort. nowadays, it is hard enuf for working parents to find the time for their kids. so isn't it extremely difficult for them to take extra effort for the more delicate handling of their adopted child? and what would happen if you react at times without thinking, thus hurting your adopted child (cos isn't it natural to have a preference for your own child deep in your heart, however much you wish it to be otherwise?)

[Sinthiya]

i agree with you.... :)

it's not easy...and especially when both parents are working...i think the best is to give time either after having your own child or adopting the child....this way you are able to understand the situation and decide your next steps to have children/adopt children....also the child's age plays an importance when you adopt as well....

of course, we all react at times without thinking, if parents have done something hurtful, then they should apologize...communicate with them...show them they do care (cause you should...)...it's going to happen and parents simply have to deal with it...

you're right...you may have a preference for your own child deep in your heart, but that shouldn't stop you from showing the same kind of love to the adopted child....

[Fire111999]

i agree with you.... :)

it's not easy...and especially when both parents are working...i think the best is to give time either after having your own child or adopting the child....this way you are able to understand the situation and decide your next steps to have children/adopt children....also the child's age plays an importance when you adopt as well....

of course, we all react at times without thinking, if parents have done something hurtful, then they should apologize...communicate with them...show them they do care (cause you should...)...it's going to happen and parents simply have to deal with it...

you're right...you may have a preference for your own child deep in your heart, but that shouldn't stop you from showing the same kind of love to the adopted child....

sometimes it might not be such a great mistake that would require you to apologise. it might be the slightest thing that might still hurt the child. and there is no way to get around this if it were to happen.

i guess for pple who are very good with children, this might not be so much of a problem.

as you say, pple have to consider if they can handle it before they proceed.

[Shakthiprabha.]

having your own child can't be equalled by adopting another's child as you will not be able to find delight in the similarities of your child to yourself and these similarities are a main reason for the link b/w you and your child.

I COMPLETELY, DISAGREE. One needs to have love for humanity.

IF U CAN LOVE A SPOUSE WHO IS NOT UR BLOOD, WHY CANT U LOVE UR KID WHO DOES NOT POSSESS UR GENES TOO.

SORRY I CANT SUBSCRIBE.


in the case that you can't have children, once you adopt a child, i feel that you should not think of having a child yourself even if that option becomes possible. cos you don't want to have your adopted child claim unfair treatment cos he/she is not really your own child. children claiming unfair treatment is a problem even without adoption to add to it.



no......... there are sane ppl, who can give equal treatment.
it depends on one's mental maturity........

ur own child..... means "child/children whom u love"
nott....... "child out of womb"

redefine it please.

[Fire111999]

having your own child can't be equalled by adopting another's child as you will not be able to find delight in the similarities of your child to yourself and these similarities are a main reason for the link b/w you and your child.

I COMPLETELY, DISAGREE. One needs to have love for humanity.

IF U CAN LOVE A SPOUSE WHO IS NOT UR BLOOD, WHY CANT U LOVE UR KID WHO DOES NOT POSSESS UR GENES TOO.

SORRY I CANT SUBSCRIBE.


in the case that you can't have children, once you adopt a child, i feel that you should not think of having a child yourself even if that option becomes possible. cos you don't want to have your adopted child claim unfair treatment cos he/she is not really your own child. children claiming unfair treatment is a problem even without adoption to add to it.



no......... there are sane ppl, who can give equal treatment.
it depends on one's mental maturity........

ur own child..... means "child/children whom u love"
nott....... "child out of womb"

redefine it please.

of course you can love your adopted child, but perhaps not as much as your biological child?

and it is hard to be equal even with biological children so how is it possible with adopted children? even if you convince yourself to treat them equally, it'll be unnatural and from your head not your heart.

ok. biological child rather than own child.

[Anoushka]

Fire: I agree with Shakthi... motherhood doesn't come from loving just a child that you gave birth to. If a child running on the street falls and gets hurt, a mother would automatically run to this child to pick it up see if everything is ok, even if it is not her own child!

and there are wonderful mothers in this world who can love adopted children just as much as their own children!

I have a friend who tried to have a child, couldn't for ages and adopted a lovely little girl (who is 11 now) and then gave birth to a lovely little boy three years ago! She treats both of them the same... I never even knew that her daughter was adopted till she told us about it when we were discussing doctors and fertility issues :)

[Fire111999]

Fire: I agree with Shakthi... motherhood doesn't come from loving just a child that you gave birth to. If a child running on the street falls and gets hurt, a mother would automatically run to this child to pick it up see if everything is ok, even if it is not her own child!

and there are wonderful mothers in this world who can love adopted children just as much as their own children!

I have a friend who tried to have a child, couldn't for ages and adopted a lovely little girl (who is 11 now) and then gave birth to a lovely little boy three years ago! She treats both of them the same... I never even knew that her daughter was adopted till she told us about it when we were discussing doctors and fertility issues :)
that's really nice to hear.

of course a mother will be hurt and concerned if any child get s hurt. but i was thinking that when it is a comparison b/w a biological child and an adopted child, parents might unconciously favor their biological child.

[Shakthiprabha.]

no fire. Uve not seen the nicer part of society then.

There are ppl who TREAT THEIR KIDS WELL or equally.

I can say,

i love my husband equal to my parents (who are my biological relatives)

so the same theory goes here.

its love....... its how much we relate, stay together, give, take, live, let live, share, care.........
that matters......

NOT BLOOD

'blood may be thicker than water' when it comes to OUTSIDERS........ but never when the concerned person is SOMEONE U LOVE, IRRESPECTIVE OF BLOOD RELATION

[Anoushka]

Fire I think the lovely people in this world have been hidden from you :) I've seen parents who treat their adopted child the same as their own biological child... not only in India but even in Ireland! I have an Irish friend who has two children of his own, two adopted children and a long term foster child! I see him and his wife spend the same amount of time and effort on each one of his five children! :)

[Fire111999]

no fire. Uve not seen the nicer part of society then.

There are ppl who TREAT THEIR KIDS WELL or equally.

I can say,

i love my husband equal to my parents (who are my biological relatives)

so the same theory goes here.

its love....... its how much we relate, stay together, give, take, live, let live, share, care.........
that matters......

NOT BLOOD

'blood may be thicker than water' when it comes to OUTSIDERS........ but never when the concerned person is SOMEONE U LOVE, IRRESPECTIVE OF BLOOD RELATION

no, i'm not talking abt drastic differences in how they treat their children. just small differences that wouldn't seem bad b/w biological children but would make the world of a difference when it comes to an adopted child. and also, i'm not speaking from any personal experience or abt anyone i know. this is just a hypothesis of mine, which i'm testing out by asking the opinion of this forum.

parents would treat their kids well, but perhaps not totally equally; as i mentioned earlier, there would be small differencies, slight partialities to different kids for different stuff.

[Fire111999]

Fire I think the lovely people in this world have been hidden from you :) I've seen parents who treat their adopted child the same as their own biological child... not only in India but even in Ireland! I have an Irish friend who has two children of his own, two adopted children and a long term foster child! I see him and his wife spend the same amount of time and effort on each one of his five children! :)

i'd like to repeat that i have no personal experience in this. i don't know anyone who has an adopted child. this view of mine is just a hypothesis that i'm testing out.

wow, that's wonderful. really nice to hear. can't imagine how they can handle 5 kids!

[Anoushka]

wow, that's wonderful. really nice to hear. can't imagine how they can handle 5 kids!

Fire: My friend is a taxi driver which gives him the flexibility of being with the children when he wants and his wife has actually quit her job so that she can spend time with their children :)

[Fire111999]

wow, that's wonderful. really nice to hear. can't imagine how they can handle 5 kids!

Fire: My friend is a taxi driver which gives him the flexibility of being with the children when he wants and his wife has actually quit her job so that she can spend time with their children :)

they must really love their children then!

[crazy]

i don't know about showing love differently to ur own child and adopted one. i don't have a child of my own, but ever since i was a child i always wanted to adopt a child, rather having child of my own.
my parents keeps disagrees with me, but when i goew much older and finish my studies, then i will adopt children(not one, but many, b'coz i love kids) Insha Allah!

[Fire111999]

i don't know about showing love differently to ur own child and adopted one. i don't have a child of my own, but ever since i was a child i always wanted to adopt a child, rather having child of my own.
my parents keeps disagrees with me, but when i goew much older and finish my studies, then i will adopt children(not one, but many, b'coz i love kids) Insha Allah!

that's really nice. i'm not against anyone adopting children. i myself have considered adopting a child rather than getting married and having children (after my studies, etc, of course), but i have realised that besides the difficulty in raising a child single-handedly, i would love to have a child that is biologically mine! and i am concerned abt whether i can have an adopted child as well as a biological child. i am concerned if i am capable of handling the problems of equal treatment.

[Shakthiprabha.]

fire,

here the question is HOW UR PARTNER IS.

If she or he is willing or equally matured I AM SURE ITS NOT A PROB AT ALL.

[Fire111999]

fire,

here the question is HOW UR PARTNER IS.

If she or he is willing or equally matured I AM SURE ITS NOT A PROB AT ALL.

yeah, i guess it also depends on my future husband. but i am not sure if i am capable myself! i don't want to hurt my child!

some pple also say that unfair treatment is immaterial as the adopted child would be getting a better life than in some orphanage, but i can't feel the same, meaning better treatment than in an orphanage is not sufficient.

[Sandeep]

People,

Are you all saying that parents love adopted children as much as own children, when they have both.

hmm really wierd.



Fire Uve not seen the nicer part of society then.

Niether have I.


i don't know about showing love differently to ur own child and adopted one. i don't have a child of my own, but ever since i was a child i always wanted to adopt a child, rather having child of my own.
my parents keeps disagrees with me, but when i goew much older and finish my studies, then i will adopt children(not one, but many, b'coz i love kids) Insha Allah!

Oh, you are "crazy"

[Sinthiya]

I think if you truly want to adopt a child, then you can love him/her as much as you would love your biological child....

even i have considered adopting a child later in life....:roll:....as well as having my own....i don't think i can feel more love for one child over the other....that's just me....

[Shakthiprabha.]

fire,

here the question is HOW UR PARTNER IS.

If she or he is willing or equally matured I AM SURE ITS NOT A PROB AT ALL.

yeah, i guess it also depends on my future husband. but i am not sure if i am capable myself! i don't want to hurt my child!

some pple also say that unfair treatment is immaterial as the adopted child would be getting a better life than in some orphanage, but i can't feel the same, meaning better treatment than in an orphanage is not sufficient.

IT IS NOT BETTER TREATMENT than in orphanage.

MOST CASES, parents forget its adopted child. VERY SOON.
JUST 3 to 4 months......... the child just clings into the family............ moulds itself and becomes one among the family.

where do u think they even remmeber ITS AN ADOPTED CHILD.

anyway, YES, DEPENDS A LOT ON HOW RECEPTIVE IS UR SPOUSE.

[Shakthiprabha.]

Fire Uve not seen the nicer part of society then.
Niether have I.

Thats sad. Good luck for future so that u may find some.




i don't know about showing love differently to ur own child and adopted one. i don't have a child of my own, but ever since i was a child i always wanted to adopt a child, rather having child of my own.
my parents keeps disagrees with me, but when i goew much older and finish my studies, then i will adopt children(not one, but many, b'coz i love kids) Insha Allah!

Oh, you are "crazy"[/quote]

In what WAY IS SHE CRAZY????

[crazy]

i don't know about showing love differently to ur own child and adopted one. i don't have a child of my own, but ever since i was a child i always wanted to adopt a child, rather having child of my own.
my parents keeps disagrees with me, but when i goew much older and finish my studies, then i will adopt children(not one, but many, b'coz i love kids) Insha Allah!

Oh, you are "crazy"

why am i crazy? or which way do i seems crazy do u?

[Fire111999]

fire,

here the question is HOW UR PARTNER IS.

If she or he is willing or equally matured I AM SURE ITS NOT A PROB AT ALL.

yeah, i guess it also depends on my future husband. but i am not sure if i am capable myself! i don't want to hurt my child!

some pple also say that unfair treatment is immaterial as the adopted child would be getting a better life than in some orphanage, but i can't feel the same, meaning better treatment than in an orphanage is not sufficient.

IT IS NOT BETTER TREATMENT than in orphanage.

MOST CASES, parents forget its adopted child. VERY SOON.
JUST 3 to 4 months......... the child just clings into the family............ moulds itself and becomes one among the family.

where do u think they even remmeber ITS AN ADOPTED CHILD.

anyway, YES, DEPENDS A LOT ON HOW RECEPTIVE IS UR SPOUSE.

i'm ok with the rest of your post, though i don't know for sure if parents will forget completely that it's an adopted child, but what do you mean by your first line?

[Shakthiprabha.]

I suppose most parents SERIOULSY DO NOT, DAY IN AND DAY OUT REMEMBER...... OR FOR THAT MATTER REMEMBER LIKE A RITUAL that the child is adopted.

U cant forget completely, since when topics as such crops up, ppl do remember how they adopted etc.

(just like how moms remember deliveries, and related episode of their pregnancy..... moms who adopted children, remember their first sight of child, how he or she looked first time, how she or he was welcomed etc)


BUT THAT IS JUST REMEMBERING THE FACT. The emotions do not vary.. at all, because they remember some fact which happened long ago.


With my First line I meant to say,


'not just better treatment than orphanage' would suffice bringing up such child.

Once he or she is ur own, its ur own child. No question of comparing with another kid which is raised by orphange.

So the diff would be.......... A CHILD GROWN IN ORPHANGE AND A CHILD GROWN AT HOME (irrespective of whether she is an orphan or ur own blood)

[swathy]

sakthi akka :

:clap: :clap: :thumbsup:

[Sandeep]

Crazy you are "crazy" because

1) You prefer an adopted child to your own
2) And that too not one but many
3) Even you parents advice dont seem to help

May be I am very Hypocritical here but for a mother/father own child is an extention of his/her own self (physically and mentally). While they may shower all their love and care on the adobted child some where the fact remains that the child in truth is somebody elses.

[Shakthiprabha.]

May be I am very Hypocritical here but for a mother/father own child is an extention of his/her own self (physically and mentally). While they may shower all their love and care on the adobted child some where the fact remains that the child in truth is somebody elses.

i KNOW that post is for crazy.

but still, I cant help blurting out............that,

'one needs to WIDEN his or her MIND, to accept or understand PPL CAN BE OTHERWISE TOO'

Please do not generalise, as it depends a lot on mental frame of the parents adopting the child.

When in this era, some of them adopt their second child or even first child, or prefer to adopt than have their own, SUCH thoughts ARE strange and not welcomed to many.

I do not disagree u are bound to have ur opinion.

My post just wanna say, DONT GENERALISE about everybody please.

[Fire111999]

I suppose most parents SERIOULSY DO NOT, DAY IN AND DAY OUT REMEMBER...... OR FOR THAT MATTER REMEMBER LIKE A RITUAL that the child is adopted.

U cant forget completely, since when topics as such crops up, ppl do remember how they adopted etc.

(just like how moms remember deliveries, and related episode of their pregnancy..... moms who adopted children, remember their first sight of child, how he or she looked first time, how she or he was welcomed etc)


BUT THAT IS JUST REMEMBERING THE FACT. The emotions do not vary.. at all, because they remember some fact which happened long ago.


With my First line I meant to say,


'not just better treatment than orphanage' would suffice bringing up such child.

Once he or she is ur own, its ur own child. No question of comparing with another kid which is raised by orphange.

So the diff would be.......... A CHILD GROWN IN ORPHANGE AND A CHILD GROWN AT HOME (irrespective of whether she is an orphan or ur own blood)

yeah, they won't remember all the time. but it might crop up sometimes when they might unconciously favour their biological child.

and abt comparing with an orphanage, i said exactly the same thing! so i'm glad u agree with me!

[Fire111999]

Crazy you are "crazy" because

1) You prefer an adopted child to your own
2) And that too not one but many
3) Even you parents advice dont seem to help

May be I am very Hypocritical here but for a mother/father own child is an extention of his/her own self (physically and mentally). While they may shower all their love and care on the adobted child some where the fact remains that the child in truth is somebody elses.

agree completely. that's why i'm not sure if i can have one natural child and another adopted child and treat them both as if they are my natural kids.

[Fire111999]

May be I am very Hypocritical here but for a mother/father own child is an extention of his/her own self (physically and mentally). While they may shower all their love and care on the adobted child some where the fact remains that the child in truth is somebody elses.

i KNOW that post is for crazy.

but still, I cant help blurting out............that,

'one needs to WIDEN his or her MIND, to accept or understand PPL CAN BE OTHERWISE TOO'

Please do not generalise, as it depends a lot on mental frame of the parents adopting the child.

When in this era, some of them adopt their second child or even first child, or prefer to adopt than have their own, SUCH thoughts ARE strange and not welcomed to many.

I do not disagree u are bound to have ur opinion.

My post just wanna say, DONT GENERALISE about everybody please.

i'm in a dilemma as to whether i can handle that. esp since i feel that i would prefer to have a biological child rather than an adopted child.

[Shakthiprabha.]

fire,



but it might crop up sometimes when they might unconciously favour their biological child.

Even if this THOGUHT CROPS UP remotely in any parents mind, THEY I ADVICE should not adopt children.

PPl who are WILLING to adopt, WONT EVEN think or be comptemplating on such issues. THEY WOULD HAVE/should have CONFIDENCE IN THEMSELVES.

I feel, ppl who really can handle adopted child, WONT HAVE SECOND THOUGHTS bout it, or feel sceptic about their own emotions reg faviouring biological child.

[Fire111999]

fire,



but it might crop up sometimes when they might unconciously favour their biological child.

Even if this THOGUHT CROPS UP remotely in any parents mind, THEY I ADVICE should not adopt children.

PPl who are WILLING to adopt, WONT EVEN think or be comptemplating on such issues. THEY WOULD HAVE/should have CONFIDENCE IN THEMSELVES.

I feel, ppl who really can handle adopted child, WONT HAVE SECOND THOUGHTS bout it, or feel sceptic about their own emotions reg faviouring biological child.

as i said, it might crop up unconsciously despite their best intentions otherwise.

and i agree that they should have confindence in themselves, and that is what i'm trying to find. but is it possible?

and are you saying then that i can't handle it then? i'm still hopeful, though skeptical.

and there is also so many other objections, from parents, and perhaps the husband or wife.

[Shakthiprabha.]

fire,



but it might crop up sometimes when they might unconciously favour their biological child.

Even if this THOGUHT CROPS UP remotely in any parents mind, THEY I ADVICE should not adopt children.

PPl who are WILLING to adopt, WONT EVEN think or be comptemplating on such issues. THEY WOULD HAVE/should have CONFIDENCE IN THEMSELVES.

I feel, ppl who really can handle adopted child, WONT HAVE SECOND THOUGHTS bout it, or feel sceptic about their own emotions reg faviouring biological child.

as i said, it might crop up unconsciously despite their best intentions otherwise.

IT SHOULD NOT. IT MUST NOT. IT CANNOT.



and i agree that they should have confindence in themselves, and that is what i'm trying to find. but is it possible?

:) analyse and think bout urself fire. U need to find answers for this. Most ppl who adopt children, out of will (not necessarily because they dont have kids..... etc) might have desired to do such act, from childhood (i mean the desire would have been there)


and are you saying then that i can't handle it then? i'm still hopeful, though skeptical.

Meditate. Ponder. Analyse urself. U are the best judge. WHEN U DECIDE, whatever be the decison, dont think bout it another time. Such should be the confidence in ur decision.


and there is also so many other objections, from parents, and perhaps the husband or wife

hus / wiFE YES...... VERY VERY imp. As they are also equally sharing the love and resp to bring up the child. PARENTS CAN ALWAYS BE CONVINCED. Its up to the parents who wanna adopt, and how ADAMANT they are in their thoughts.

IF suppose, someone falls in love, BY HOOK OR CROOK, THEY CONVINCE THE PARENTS RIGHT? Same holds here. If will is there, and its strong enough, ONE CAN CONVINCE PARENTS. (not the same with spouse...... spouse should be of same mind.... necessarily)

[kannannn]

'one needs to WIDEN his or her MIND, to accept or understand PPL CAN BE OTHERWISE TOO'

Please do not generalise, as it depends a lot on mental frame of the parents adopting the child.

When in this era, some of them adopt their second child or even first child, or prefer to adopt than have their own, SUCH thoughts ARE strange and not welcomed to many.

SP, very well put. To adopt a child is in fact a dream and ambition of many and to weather the opposition from within family is not easy. My cousin and his wife decided even before marriage that they would have two children: one adopted and one biological. They adopted their first child and after 2 years, when there was considerable pressure on them from their family to get their own child, the wife made a decision: to adopt another child. Her argument was: If they can afford to raise two children, why not give better life to another child rather than give birth to a new one? They fought through a lot of opposition from their families and sure enough they adopted another child. I am sure there are other examples out there. What matters is the mindset. If one is not sure about giving equal love to both adopted and biological children, it's better not to adopt. But why cast aspersions on the capability of those who want to adopt!

[Sandeep]

'one needs to WIDEN his or her MIND, to accept or understand PPL CAN BE OTHERWISE TOO'

I have no problem accepting, but understanding, I am trying and hense my comments.



Please do not generalise, as it depends a lot on mental frame of the parents adopting the child.


Sorry for generalising, but can I say that Majority (99%) dont have the mental frame for adopting and loving a child when they have one of their own.

[selvakumar]

IMHO,

Forget whether it is ADOPTED OR OWN HEIR.

It is all in the HANDS OF THE MOTHER. NO MOTHER ON EARTH WILL DIFFERENTIATE B/W ADOPTED AND OWN HEIR

ONly outsides and crooked minded fellows will show the diffence during the functions.

For the parents, IT IS ONE AND THE SAME.


SP - :thumbsup: :clap:


this topic itself is useles (It is my opinion)

[Fire111999]

hus / wiFE YES...... VERY VERY imp. As they are also equally sharing the love and resp to bring up the child. PARENTS CAN ALWAYS BE CONVINCED. Its up to the parents who wanna adopt, and how ADAMANT they are in their thoughts.

IF suppose, someone falls in love, BY HOOK OR CROOK, THEY CONVINCE THE PARENTS RIGHT? Same holds here. If will is there, and its strong enough, ONE CAN CONVINCE PARENTS. (not the same with spouse...... spouse should be of same mind.... necessarily)

yeah, i guess i should wait til i'm old enuf to get married and then decide, according to my partner's views as well.

[terminator]

IMHO,

Forget whether it is ADOPTED OR OWN HAIR.

It is all in the HANDS OF THE MOTHER. NO MOTHER ON EARTH WILL DIFFERENTIATE B/W ADOPTED AND OWN HAIR

ONly outsides and crooked minded fellows will show the diffence during the functions.

For the parents, IT IS ONE AND THE SAME.


SP - :thumbsup: :clap:

this topic itself is useles (It is my opinion)

Well said Selva.. :thumbsup:

[terminator]

SP akka .. :thumbsup:



If they can afford to raise two children, why not give better life to another child rather than give birth to a new one? They fought through a lot of opposition from their families and sure enough they adopted another child. I am sure there are other examples out there. What matters is the mindset. If one is not sure about giving equal love to both adopted and biological children, it's better not to adopt. But why cast aspersions on the capability of those who want to adopt!

Ur post made me to think.

:clap: at ur cousin

[Shakthiprabha.]

selvakumar,

:clap:

sandeep,

:)

[Shakthiprabha.]

IMHO,

Forget whether it is ADOPTED OR OWN HAIR.

It is all in the HANDS OF THE MOTHER. NO MOTHER ON EARTH WILL DIFFERENTIATE B/W ADOPTED AND OWN HAIR

:rotfl:

sorry....... ennala sirikkama irukka mudilai.

i am sure its spelloz :rotfl:

[bingleguy]

Vanakkam all !

Hi shakthi !

[bingleguy]

niraiyaa paer inga dhaan irukkaanga ! adhudhaan VV layum PP layum yaaraiyum kaanum :roll:

[Shakthiprabha.]

hey bg... working today?

[terminator]

BG wat do u think about the adoption?

[bingleguy]

illa ... yenga friendoda marriage irukku ... in krishnagiri ... we are meeting up in office n then taking the car !

:wave:

[Shakthiprabha.]

:wave:

enjoy

[selvakumar]

SP,

When I came to this thread, THE DISCUSSIONS WERE QUITE HOT TO HANDLE.

So, Used the word HAIR :rotfl: (to relieve the pressue)

But many people took time to notice it :lol:

[Fire111999]

SP,

When I came to this thread, THE DISCUSSIONS WERE QUITE HOT TO HANDLE.

So, Used the word HAIR :rotfl: (to relieve the pressue)

But many people took time to notice it :lol:

perhaps. that might be why pple chose to ignore it even when they noticed it!

[selvakumar]

I hope those who ignored it concentrated on something else !

[Fire111999]

I hope those who ignored it concentrated on something else !

the contents of ur post, u mean?

[selvakumar]

I hope those who ignored it concentrated on something else !

the contents of ur post, u mean?

Yes.. :lol:

[Fire111999]

IMHO,

Forget whether it is ADOPTED OR OWN HAIR.

It is all in the HANDS OF THE MOTHER. NO MOTHER ON EARTH WILL DIFFERENTIATE B/W ADOPTED AND OWN HAIR

ONly outsides and crooked minded fellows will show the diffence during the functions.

For the parents, IT IS ONE AND THE SAME.


SP - :thumbsup: :clap:

this topic itself is useles (It is my opinion)

i'm hoping that that's true. but i'm skeptical.

and since there seem to be differences in opinions of pple regarding whether adopting children can be favoured over having natural children and whether equal treatment of natural and adopted children is possible as can be seen from the posts in this thread, i wouldn't agree that this topic is useless.

for myself, if i can be convinced that i can have an adopted child as well as a natural child, i'll find that that is sufficient reason for this topic!

[crazy]

Crazy you are "crazy" because

1) You prefer an adopted child to your own
2) And that too not one but many
3) Even you parents advice dont seem to help

May be I am very Hypocritical here but for a mother/father own child is an extention of his/her own self (physically and mentally). While they may shower all their love and care on the adobted child some where the fact remains that the child in truth is somebody elses.

sandeep first of all, iam not really pleased with the reason u r giving me for calling me "crazy". i don't eitehr trying to get mad at u! ok iam not telling u that iam a saint or sages, iam just a girl who tries her best to make a difference! i with my whole heart and mind tries to make this world a better place to live!!!!!!!!!
we already have a huge population(iam not blaming any one), we have poverty. I just thought that its better to adopt as many as children as possible. By gods grace iam living in a well oriented land, with more than enough wealth. Why dont u think thats reasonable for me to think that way! god gave me(still gives) a good education and money and iam turning my back to him. i feel its my duty to help the world atleast my country, my people as much as i can. Make sure iam not telling u that iam mother theresa nor gandhi. iam just trying to be a useful soul thats it.
iam really trying to be calm, but ur words it really hurts me.(god iam trying to take it cool)
and u telling me that my parents words doesnt make any difference to me. let me tell u something u r not in my shoes(neither would i ever wish any person to be there either). my parents belongs to the past generation, they have lots of ideas which they claims to be right. hmmmmmmmmm then i try my best to understand them, but i can't.
iam not going to make myself correct, but let me finish with this, to love somebody(specially a kid) u dont need to be biologically related to that child. Love is not blood and flesh, but love is God AND FEELINGS. its how i interprets love..
Iam extremely sorry, if i by any means hurt u or other.
forgives me!

[Fire111999]

Crazy you are "crazy" because

1) You prefer an adopted child to your own
2) And that too not one but many
3) Even you parents advice dont seem to help

May be I am very Hypocritical here but for a mother/father own child is an extention of his/her own self (physically and mentally). While they may shower all their love and care on the adobted child some where the fact remains that the child in truth is somebody elses.

sandeep first of all, iam not really pleased with the reason u r giving me for calling me "crazy". i don't eitehr trying to get mad at u! ok iam not telling u that iam a saint or sages, iam just a girl who tries her best to make a difference! i with my whole heart and mind tries to make this world a better place to live!!!!!!!!!
we already have a huge population(iam not blaming any one), we have poverty. I just thought that its better to adopt as many as children as possible. By gods grace iam living in a well oriented land, with more than enough wealth. Why dont u think thats reasonable for me to think that way! god gave me(still gives) a good education and money and iam turning my back to him. i feel its my duty to help the world atleast my country, my people as much as i can. Make sure iam not telling u that iam mother theresa nor gandhi. iam just trying to be a useful soul thats it.
iam really trying to be calm, but ur words it really hurts me.(god iam trying to take it cool)
and u telling me that my parents words doesnt make any difference to me. let me tell u something u r not in my shoes(neither would i ever wish any person to be there either). my parents belongs to the past generation, they have lots of ideas which they claims to be right. hmmmmmmmmm then i try my best to understand them, but i can't.
iam not going to make myself correct, but let me finish with this, to love somebody(specially a kid) u dont need to be biologically related to that child. Love is not blood and flesh, but love is God AND FEELINGS. its how i interprets love..
Iam extremely sorry, if i by any means hurt u or other.
forgives me!

crazy, it is a really nice thing that you want to do as i have already mentioned to you. so don't get upset by what sandeep said.

but personally, i still feel that having a natural child cannot be equalled with having an adopted child.

but i am glad that you feel that you want to adopt many children and it's nice to hear that you love kids.

[crazy]

thank u fire,
but i still want to have a child of my own,in future if i get marry. but i will prefer adopting than having of my own. who knows what gonna happens next, its in gods hand. i pray that i shall remind as iam now and perhaps being a better person :roll:

[Shakthiprabha.]

crazy,

:clap:

[Fire111999]

digr: why can't i get upload a larger avatar? sp, urs is larger than mine! why am i having problems with this? urs is also clearer than mine. mine's become so blur cos i had to keep it below 6kb.

[Shakthiprabha.]

fire,

save pictures u want...... and then SKEW IT/stretch it using picture viewer in windows....... (pref cut the relevant portion alone)

and then make it 100 * 100

save it as GIF file....... and upload

[Fire111999]

fire,

save pictures u want...... and then SKEW IT/stretch it using picture viewer in windows....... (pref cut the relevant portion alone)

and then make it 100 * 100

save it as GIF file....... and upload

yeah, i did all of the above already, except saved it as a jpeg file: 8.925kb! will gif be smaller than jpeg?

[Fire111999]

hey thanks. gif (3.83 kb) is smaller than jpeg(8.71kb)! though it is blurer!

[Sandeep]

Cool crazy, 8-)

I understand you mean good. Accept and respect your view.

Note: I called you "crazy" because your login name is crazy, expected to be taken in a lighter sence. I think I need to use more emoticons :roll: .

[Shakthiprabha.]

:D

[crazy]

Cool crazy, 8-)

I understand you mean good. Accept and respect your view.

Note: I called you "crazy" because your login name is crazy, expected to be taken in a lighter sence. I think I need to use more emoticons :roll: .

yeah that would have been much better!
anyway lets get over it! :)

[bingleguy]

Crazy Chellam ... inga irukkiyaa ? how r u?

[crazy]

Crazy Chellam ... inga irukkiyaa ? how r u?
at last i met u bg
hi eppadi irukkinga, naan poidu appuram vaaren byeeeeeeeeee

[bingleguy]

okie .... c ya! here even i might start early ... we are expecting some probs in the city after Dr.Raj Kumar passed away earlier this evening ! well lets see .. hope no issues come ! c u crazy chellam ... innum nee yenakku number tharala !

[crazy]

okie .... c ya! here even i might start early ... we are expecting some probs in the city after Dr.Raj Kumar passed away earlier this evening ! well lets see .. hope no issues come ! c u crazy chellam ... innum nee yenakku number tharala !

hi bg sorry sorry numbera pm pannuren

INIYA PUTHAANDHU VAAZHTHUKKAL!

[Shekhar]

I have a natural son and an adopted daughter (adopted when she was 5 days old).

discrimination?!!!

Well..

She gets what ever she wants and gets away with whatever she does.
I was more stern with my son. My daughter makes me and everybody dance around her little finger!!
I suppose daughters are like that!
So ... did you get the message?!!

[Fire111999]

yeah, it's quite natural for girls to get away with more mischief! cos they would smile at u in such an appealing way! and u forget everything!

[great]

Shekar :clap:

[great]

yeah, it's quite natural for girls to get away with more mischief! cos they would smile at u in such an appealing way! and u forget everything!

you think boy cannot make mischief !!! kids smile are always appealing irrespective of whether they are girl or boy .

[Fire111999]

yeah, it's quite natural for girls to get away with more mischief! cos they would smile at u in such an appealing way! and u forget everything!

you think boy cannot make mischief !!! kids smile are always appealing irrespective of whether they are girl or boy .

i never said that boys can't make mischief. and of course, kids' smiles are always appealing. but only the girls will be bothered to smile to charm you and get out of truoble. boys couldn't care less!

[Hulkster]

Regarding this...i have certain views on the subject of children before i can start on the topic.

When children are created, they are given life and decided by GOD before he decides in which womb should this child be borne. In other words, the shape and body of a child is already conceived by GOD. Only after does he decide which mother will bear this child. In that sense all children born in this world solely belong to GOD and the reason why they say pillaiyum kaduvulum onnu. Although mothers feel
more comfortable in raising their own child as it seems to them as their own creation, if you put the above concept into place mothers are more of carriers of the children GOD has created.

Regarding this topic, The beauty of mothers is that their love of children destroys the boundaries of adoption and biological children. A mother's love is not restricted to just the child coming from her womb...it travels to any child she feels for which makes the child her own. Not only that, a child only accepts a mother from the way she cares and showers him/her with her love and it doesnt not have to be his/her biological parents. Mother's love is so powerful that even a child will lose the feeling of not being biollogically connected with the mother when he/she grows up.

My feeling is that both adoption and having your own children is strongly acceptable as the decision solely depends on the mothers love for a child and whether she wants it or not.