Married Life

[yosh]

[tscii:eb2c2417b4]Hi, Let discuss about the problem facing by all the married people and revert your suggestion to save a married life.
I have choose to discuss this topic for discussion after seeing my colleague's married life turning to be a nightmare for her.

Her story goes like this.
Her name is Jessy. She is married to Robert for the past 15 Years. They have 4 kids.
He was her first love and they fall in love after the first sight. The love get blessing from their parents and they get married after 2 years.
He's very hard working man, that spends most of his time in office, he provide her a house, a car and the needed things.
She is also working. She need to prepare the kids to school,cook,clean the house and does all the work. He only take care his career. After work she has to complete all the housework and prepare night dinner and guide the kids on the education.
It's 8.30pm…………he come home and she greeted him.

Jessy : Hi dear you want some coffee?
Robert : Yah
Jessy : you look so stressed. Have you taken your lunch today?
Robert : Emm
Jessy : Silence
Robert : Why is kids watching TV, why you never bath yet?
Jessy : no…I. came home about 6pm, I do washing,clean the house and prepare the dinner and assist the kids with their homework and you came in.
Robert : Then why are you sitting now, Go and bath.
Jessy : o.k ok
after she bath.
Robert is doing some office work in his laptop.
Jessy : Mani 9.15pm. Poiye kulingge, sappidalam.
Robert : Veedu suthamave ellai. Unakke pasicha poi sappete
Jessy : Today I had a severe back pain since morning
Robert : let me the day you are not sick
Jessy : Calls her first child, can you please rub my back as I having severe back pain since morning.
Robert : What are you grumbling at, If you sick then you and see a doctor. Athisaima nee oru alle than pulle pathekethe velaike pora mathiri.Sick kolly…..sick kolly … :x ………unge amma sollave illai nee ippadine.
Jessy : Na kalyanathe munne nalla than irunthen
Robert : Appe poo ippo unge amma videkke. :evil:
Jessy : Ya solemathenge.
Robert : I seriously think that you're pain cause you're very fat now……look at me appediye irukiren.
Jessy : 4 pulle petha enakkum ungalukkum vithysam ellaiya?
Robert : Ulaga athisayam parke………Nan sapiddu thadichachi, appuram kale valli, thala valli ne en uyire edukerathe.
Jessy : Holding her tears.
Robert : Seri sore ede……….pasikithe.
Jessy : vange sappide.
Robert : pillingala sappidacha.
Jessy : Em
Robert : Nee sappadeleya.
Jessy : vennam…..pasikille
Robert : Nallethu than kojam udambe kuraivom.

After finish eating, She continue to clean the kitchen and he watch T.V
she finishes all the work and enter her bedroom.
Jessy…..jessy make me some cofee before you sleep and don't forget to iron some nice clothes for me as I have meeting tomorrow and the child her……..amma don't forget to put alarm at 5am.

The clock shows 12.30am and she still can't sleep.

Please give some ideas that could turn their family to a happy family :twisted:
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[Shakthiprabha.]

:roll:

Why doesn't she quit her job and take care of her big family.(managing 4 kids is not a joke)

Else, ask her to HIRE a maid to do job @ errands. Cleaning, dishwashing and other stuffs can be done by them. This would relieve lot of physical and mental tension.

This time can be utilised to get back to normal health (by exercising etc.)

********
The hus is defintely VERY UNDERSTANDING. :roll: :| (irony please)

Next best thing is TO SIT AND TALK TO HIM, her problems.

[swathy]

My friend returned back home just in 8 months after marriage. She faced severe harrasment . dowry problem.

My advice is don't go for money minded guys even if he demand which u can afford coz u can't satisfy him. he'll demand more after marriage.

[pooja.shankar]

well ....

i t is large fam ...def ..

but i think ..a woman has aright to keep working ...


and if her husband is not considerate about her tiredness .... slap him ....

SHA .... my advice is dunt go for the guys driven by the figure factor... tell them to go and look at their face in the mirror and if it is good ..tell them to go to hell ...

one guy here says ..i want my bride to look like sneha and smile like jothika ....(and dance like simran and sing like susheela i think ....).... imagine if his bride said i want u to look like brad pitt , play like beckham and sing like Karthik ....

[pooja.shankar]

look like singer karthik too ( he looks cute ... LOL)

[great]

My friend returned back home just in 8 months after marriage. She faced severe harrasment . dowry problem.

My advice is don't go for money minded guys even if he demand which u can afford coz u can't satisfy him. he'll demand more after marriage.


still dowry problem :roll: :roll: :roll:

first of all, i dont know y the parents are still giving dowry........

The guy should put behind the bars :evil:

[Shakthiprabha.]

ok....

Whats everybody's opinion on,


INLAWS interfering with son or daughter's life?

[Querida]

che...is this true...ayyo pavam :cry: how it must hurt to have your loved one say such things....no advice from me but to be fair know both sides? As SP says know in-law's input? Still it breaks my heart that someone you love can be so bad in understanding... :cry: SP literally i have of course ideal perception but want in-laws to interfere when they are visited....em...sorry my opinion from this stage...

[Lambretta]

My advice is don't go for money minded guys even if he demand which u can afford coz u can't satisfy him. he'll demand more after marriage.
Exactly! Even middle-class parents feel tat if their daughter marries a guy of high-profile/income he wud keep their daughter happy......but I can say tat its not nec. true.......nowadays many of the youth earn well at a young age but many of them r reckless w. their earnings, squandering it on momentary enjoyments......no understanding of saving concept or family consideration....!
For eg. u may know tat a suitable groom u select for ur daughter is in sum IT/MNC/corporate/watever job w/ high pay.....fine......but u may not know wat he decides/wishes to do everytime w/ the money he earns.....! :huh:


still dowry problem :roll: :roll: :roll:
first of all, i dont know y the parents are still giving dowry.......
I believe nowadays they call it w/ different names like 'gift' etc......! :roll:
Its bcos such customs r not weeded out tat our culture as a whole tends to get a bad name! :x

[Sandeep]

NO TO DOWRY

Dont give dowry and make it plan not to expect any.

TOO MANY KIDS

Definitely the husband is wrong, but the wife (educated and employed) should have known better before bringing 4 lifes to earth. You loose some you gain some. She should choose her priorities.

IN-LAWS WELCOME BUT THEY SHOULD KNOW THEY ARE GUESTS

Advices/Suggestions from in-laws are very valuable but they should no when to stop and let their kids have thier lifes.

[pooja.shankar]

well .... u know .. it is become a STATUS if u give a lot to ur daughter.. according to my rich aunt

my parents are of a differnt view ..they go like ..wat will the society say if we dunt ..
we have to ..


others jsutify it as a support for the girl ....nonsense .... the inlaws grab it away immediately .. my mom went like ..no ..all the jewellery my mom gave me is still with me only ....i was not asked for it ....


another says ...wen the guy marries and his wife brings jewels they use that jewels to marry off the guy's sister ...

But A MESSAGE TO THE GUYS ...
well u shud be obstinate and very particular that ur parents dunt take dowry (even if the girls family thinks it is a status )and ask for it either ...

As for girls .. i have seen many times ... parents just dunt listen ..They dunt want to risk their daughters lives ....


But i think every man should be supportive of his wife after marriage .... 'cz she has left her past and come to make YOUR future brighter ....

at the same time ... never forget ur parents too ..
if they ask for financial aid .... it is no wrong giving it to them ..even if that is out of ur wife's jewelry ....if they really need that help.... is it not ???
but that should imply that u shud give the same help if needed to ur wife's parents !


But dowry ...... the very topic make s my blood boil with indignation ...... But i think if the guys take a firm decision about it ..they can make a difference ......

[pooja.shankar]

sorry i sounded very disorganised in my thoughts in the last post i think ...

but really the TOPIC dowry makes me feel like screaming ... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

[thenRalkAththu]

sorry i sounded very disorganised in my thoughts in the last post i think ...

but really the TOPIC dowry makes me feel like screaming ... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

Why?

Is screaming a part of dowry?

[Querida]

Is screaming a part of dowry?

:lol: it is if you're paying! :P

[Sinthiya]

[tscii:8ccdc54262]
Jessy : Na kalyanathe munne nalla than irunthen
Robert : Appe poo ippo unge amma videkke.
:twisted:



Jessy: I seriously think that you're pain cause you're very fat now……look at me appediye irukiren.
Jessy : 4 pulle petha enakkum ungalukkum vithysam ellaiya?
Robert : Ulaga athisayam parke………Nan sapiddu thadichachi, appuram kale valli, thala valli ne en uyire edukerathe.
:twisted:

:cry: .......

it's hard for women to work and raise four children.... :( ...and it's so important for the husbands to realize the stress women are under to balance life and work....

yosh....i think they need rekindle their relationship....their lives are so busy with children and work, they don't seem to have time for each other....they need to take some time off and go somewhere/do something they both enjoy from when they first met/fell in love and enjoy each other's company....husband and wife need that alone time no matter what...

that's what keeps the relationship going stronger year after year....

just my view....

:)

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[swathy]

Many parents spread it well that they are ready to pay so and so and invite money minded guys

My distant relative did a great mistake in marriage. He supported his parents in dowry.

They rejected many girls just for the sake she has got brother/ sister to share the property. They searched for a single girl with huge property.

Atlast he got married at 31. But he is facing something which you would have never heard before.

just in one month she became pregnant and she returned back to her home immediately. She is not at all interested in marriage life but she want to become a mother. She maried only for the sake she want a child. :banghead:

This I came to know 3 years back. I dunno the current status :-)

[goodsense]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

That's a very funny story Swaty. This shows the hypocracy/double standard. If we have a child out of marriage, we are condemned, but it's OK to just get married for the sake of having a child when the other partner has no knowledge of our intentions. May be I shouldn't be laughing out so loud afterall. I love children but have decided not to have any out of wedlock. I enjoy and take care of my nephews as if they are mine :wink:

All the rest supports women to stay alone :oops: Life is already hecktic as it is :evil:

And no I didn't put this picture there to illustrate this, your post just caugh my eye after, since I was focusiing on why women should stay alone (you may have seen my thread on this - I am very much a loner waking up to the same old wall paper day after day) and somehow know it will be like this until my maker calls me home (which I am prepared for) :( :) It feels good to be a consecrated soul. Marriage or Married life is not the be all and end all as we can see.

[Alan]

Many parents spread it well that they are ready to pay so and so and invite money minded guys

My distant relative did a great mistake in marriage. He supported his parents in dowry.

They rejected many girls just for the sake she has got brother/ sister to share the property. They searched for a single girl with huge property.

Atlast he got married at 31. But he is facing something which you would have never heard before.

just in one month she became pregnant and she returned back to her home immediately. She is not at all interested in marriage life but she want to become a mother. She maried only for the sake she want a child. :banghead:

This I came to know 3 years back. I dunno the current status :-)

Oh my God!!!!!!! Hearing such case for the first time! But I hate to say this but ur relative & his family TRULY deserves such a problem- Its God's way of teaching them a small lesson for their BIG GREED!! :?

[swathy]

they are not our relatives. they are somehow related to cousin's in laws.


I posted here mailnly to warn money minded guys :lol:

[Shakthiprabha.]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

That's a very funny story Swaty. This shows the hypocracy/double standard. If we have a child out of marriage, we are condemned, but it's OK to just get married for the sake of having a child when the other partner has no knowledge of our intentions. May be I shouldn't be laughing out so loud afterall.


Society!!!!!!!!!!! :lol:


I love children but have decided not to have any out of wedlock. I enjoy and take care of my nephews as if they are mine :wink:

Marriage or Married life is not the be all and end all as we can see.

:thumbsup: :clap:

[rachel]

she may not need husband.but baby may need daddy.

[Shekhar]

just in one month she became pregnant and she returned back to her home immediately. She is not at all interested in marriage life but she want to become a mother. She maried only for the sake she want a child. :banghead:

Where can I get such girls?!! Can someone please help me!!! :wink: :D :D

[bingleguy]

Un married ppl indha threadkku varalaamaa ???? :roll:

[pavalamani pragasam]

Unmarried people get good, necessary tuition here, without fees!

[selvakumar]

Unmarried people get good, necessary tuition here, without fees!

I usually have the habit of paying for the services that I am using.

Having considered that, I would like to say the same to all people who are getting enough information from this hub :D

[ssanjinika]

she may not need husband.but baby may need daddy.

Dont think thats true at all!!!
No child needs an abusive,money minded worthless MOTHER OR FATHER.IMO theres is no reason for making children go through the trauma of abusive parents.
Guys this is not in relation to the story by swathy..but in relation to the statement by rachael.

[goodsense]

Shakti wrote:

"Society!!!!!!!!!!! :lol: "

Thanks for pointing this out. Actually, some cultures do allow this - child out of marriage and even in those cultures, it depends on the class of the family :twisted:

[Alan]

Unmarried people get good, necessary tuition here, without fees!

:lol: :lol: :lol: Humorously & intelligently said, pp mam!

[Sinthiya]

she may not need husband.but baby may need daddy.
Dont think thats true at all!!!
No child needs an abusive,money minded worthless MOTHER OR FATHER.IMO theres is no reason for making children go through the trauma of abusive parents.
Guys this is not in relation to the story by swathy..but in relation to the statement by rachael.
well...in general, i think every child needs a mother and father....what rachel wrote, 'she may not need a husband, but the child may need daddy' is somewhat true...as the child grows, he/she will yearn for a father figure as a role model as well....and vice versa....

BUT, ss...you're right that if the father or mother is abusive, or money-minded, then the child doesn't need to grow in such environment...ultimately, as the child grows without the mother or father, it's up to the child to decide whether he/she wants to maintain that relationship with the parents...(whether they are abusive or money-minded)....perhaps i'm digressing...

just my thoughts in regards to rachel's statement....:)

[ssanjinika]

u got that rite Sinthiya!
I guess every person feels that its better for a child to have both the parents ..but I see young children so damaged by abusive parents and wish there was someway to protect them from it.Here atleast u have child protective services which is effective to some extent(but ofcourse the downside is they make blunders too), but in India there is no protection for child being abused by someone.

[Shakthiprabha.]

I agree with SS.

Society lay rules. If rules do not please a person, or inturn brings only UNHAPPINESS its rather better to lead life as to how each one want it to be.

After all, WE ALL LIVE JUST ONCE!!!!!!

[pavalamani pragasam]

A highly controversial statement, SP!!!

[pavalamani pragasam]

There are certain rules which are manatory even though they do not 'please' us!!! For example, the red light of the traffic signal asks you to stop; do you stop to consider whether it pleases you or not, or go ahead with the once-only-lived life of yours??? The example here is valid since it shows how many more lives are involved with your once-only-lived life.
There are things like responsibility, accountability, nobility of meaningfulness in societal life!

[Shakthiprabha.]

pp maam,

If those rules bring unhappiness TO ALL CONCERNEd WHY should it be followed?

I do agree and understand that IF ONE OF THEM ATLEAST is benefitted, the other can adjust, compromise and live with the rule.

When the rule does not bring happiness to ANY PERSON CONCERNED its better not to follow the rule 'FOR THE SOCIETY'S SAKE'

Red light signal, IS A RULE "PUBLIC RULE AND LAWS" to be followed for the SOCIAL LIFE, not for personal life.

I suppose rules should only be GUIDELINES when it comes to personal life.

Yes, responsiblity, accountability noblity etc are there IN PERSONAL life too. If shouldering thoSE BRING happiness to ALL PARTIES concerned, someone can adjust and give UP. Not when none of the parties benefit by following the rules.

I suppose thats what SS meant too :?. Not sure.

[pavalamani pragasam]

ok!!!

[Sanguine Sridhar]

I agree with SS.

Society lay rules. If rules do not please a person, or inturn brings only UNHAPPINESS its rather better to lead life as to how each one want it to be.

After all, WE ALL LIVE JUST ONCE!!!!!!

KM,
It is very very easy to criticise the soceity practises but when it comes to ourself we have to think twice or thrice to break those if i am not wrong.Infact time has changed now almost nobody cares about some of the credulous believes.But it is not completely removed like nobody prefers to a marry his/her partner in Raghu Kaalam so and so (Eventhough they dont believe in those things..fact is 'Why take risk?').

Coming to the topic..You can broadly classify marriage issues into two types.Dowry clashes and Ego clashes.

In the first case if that guy is asking for dowry, that female can go for Divorce with out any second thoughts.She should not live with that backboneless,ruthless,abnormal human being.No more excuses, that guy should be charged a life time prison

In the second case which is called Ego which is too risky than the first one.It is upto that Guy/Girl to understand each other,live for each other thinking about everything.A vigorous counseling will definitely change the mentality of that couple.

This is my opinion...If i am wrong somewhere Periyavanga ennai thiruthanum :D

[Shakthiprabha.]

Marriage in my opinion is UNWANTED in foll circumstances

1. physical abuse
1a. Repeated/saddistic mental abuse
2. suspicion
3. dowry probs

If any of above is there, IT CAN BE CALLED OFF STRAIGHT AWAY.

ego probs can be solved, if over prolonged time it remains unsolved and leads to more unhappiness with reg to all concerned parties,

its time to call off.

[dev]

Wht abt ppl who find it difficult to get along... though they might not have major issues, some do find it difficult... I've heard a case from my lawyer friend where a couple applied for divoce on mutual consent... They told him that they don't have any issues but felt that they'll be far happier if they can get seperated(no blaming on the other party, nothing)... On the day the case was heard, they came together & after the divorce was given, they were conversing very happily & left togetehr in the same vechicle... Ever heard of anything like this?... Hmmm...guess some ppl are not made for marriage... better let them live alone...

[rachel]

8-)

[Raikkonen]

Im dreaming of this life..

[bingleguy]

How do u know your partner better ? By observing ? or by asking ?

[pavalamani pragasam]

By living together till the end!!!

[Lambretta]

By living together till the end!!!
And needless to say, being committed to each other till the end!!! :)

[Shakthiprabha.]

i wanna know all of ur views for DEV's question?!

[selvakumar]

By living together till the end!!!

Till whose end? :roll:

[Chappani]

I find a major reason for marriages to break is the ego problem. We adjust and adapt ourselves initially with our parents, then our teachers, friends etc.. But when it comes to Marriage many people don't let go their Ego. We can completly understand the other person if we let go our ego as only then the other person's point of view would enter our head and heart. Many happy couples who are contented with their life, if you see them there wouldn't be any inhibitions and ego between them, both will talk very freely which will not at all affect the other person.

Usually as the two come would have come from a different background problems and mis-aderstandings are quite common, This remembers me of a dialogue from Nayagan where Kamal's daughter would tell "Why is that something good to you appears bad to me!!". By letting go the ego, being open in discussions and talking freely would solve most of the problems.

I also feel the talk of Divorce freely be it in Media and in our soceity has lead to more sepearion. Did we have a chance to run away from School just because our Teacher was not very good, didn't we adapt ourselves for our teacher??? This is because we just had no options. If there is no option then both the Husband and Wife would try to change themselves for the likes of the other.

"Think life from a Survivor point of view and nother can deter you from success"

[pavalamani pragasam]

:clap: :clap: :clap:

[ssanjinika]

I agree with SS.

Society lay rules. If rules do not please a person, or inturn brings only UNHAPPINESS its rather better to lead life as to how each one want it to be.

After all, WE ALL LIVE JUST ONCE!!!!!!

Well..I was thinking specifically of just children in abusive situations..but if the shoe fits :roll:

[yosh]

There a lot divorce cases reported daily here.
What's goes wrong, People wonder's. Everyone contributes to it.Most of the women's are now well educated, so they can't be like our granny's who says yes to the Men so called husband.
Their are very ego, they feel being great being a man.Afterall we all are humans with all emocation balanced.Most of them wants the wife to worship them. Being a women, wife , mother and dil much more. Well we are doing the cooking, taking care the child, supporting husband financially and alot of more and need to please all the people related to him.It' worst if the family member's interfere in the problems between husband and wife.
The laws will always unhappy with you, no matter how good you are or how much you tolerate with them. The husband never sees the bad side of his family at all.And they never learn to appreciate their wifes.Whatever you do, for them it'd your rensposibilities and nothing much. My friend have alot of problem due to her inlaws, Being as patience as she can ,just save her married for the sake of her love towards her husband and for the future of her kids. Her inlaws is not happy if she goes to her mother's house especially if her husband folows her.
Now all the funtions in her family side she's left with a choice to go alone or not to go.

[pavalamani pragasam]

The role of a wife demands atmost tact, understanding & flexibility. The price is worth paying!

[dsath]

[tscii:0639a49fd0]The number of increase in divorces is directly proportional to women empowerment. In the past women had to depend upon husband 100%. Now that is not the case. Men are forced to pay supportive allowance for children and the women can support her kids, even when there is no monetary support from the Father.
I think if women were empowered 100 years earlier, then all what is happening now would have happened 100 years back.


The role of a wife demands atmost tact, understanding & flexibility. The price is worth paying!

Surely the price is worth paying if the wife gets all around support from her husband and extended family. If you are losing all the battles and the war, then what is the whole point of the whole exercise? The lady is better off without fighting the battles, rather than fighting them and losing them all the time. You have to win atleast once in a while to stay in the battleground.
Well I do realize that was a very bad comparison. Marriage is certainly not a battlefield, but still couldn’t help it.
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