Why Women Stay Alone - Is It A Good Or Bad Thing?

[goodsense]

In the old days when a female passes a certain age and not married, they are called names like "Old maids", "Put away on shelf" , something wrong with her etc. Has there been changes to such views and if so what has caused such changes? Are they positive or negative?

We need to discuss the reasons why women are in these positions and whether they are looked upon in the right perspective, the support they for staying alone and so on.

Afterall, we are in women's month! Don't be shy to discuss.

[Badri]

Women or man, there is always the need for people. At least, most people feel the need. This need goes beyond the mere physical and sexual and often takes on emotional and other shades as well, which is how communities and in the larger scale, societies have formed.

It is quite understandable therefore that when these people see others who are quite happy and contended to be alone, they fail to understand how this can be. Which is why they are considered "Old maids" etc.

I don't quite think we can really reason out why women choose to stay in thse positions, as you have said, goodsense, simply because it is a choice. If they choose to stay alone either because they haven't found the right partner, or they don't feel the need for one, it is their choice.

Of course, the ladies in the Hub would probably have more to say in this, so I had better stop and watch instead.

[rajraj]

Here is a link about brainy women staying single!

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,6903,1396506,00.html

In short they stay single because:

1. Freedom
2. unwillingness to compromise
3. Career
4. Fear about raising children
5. Personal experience at home as a child
6. Still searching for the right person

These apply to both men and women . Marriage is not for everyone ! :lol:

[dev]

Marriage is not for everyone !

Very true... Not everyone are made for marriage...:)

I know a couple of ppl(a male & another is a female- both Doctors) who opted to stay single as they were more into serving the society than the normal work-to-earn life... I guess they felt they had many more things to do than getting married & stuff... To me, their decision seemed completely justified... From my personal experience with them, I don't think they would not have been this happy had they led the normal married life.. There is a possibility that they married a like minded person & continue with their work... but the chances of finding such a match was a remote possibility... IMHO, such ppl are better off staying single...:)

[goodsense]

Many good points so far!


What about fear of being committed to someone and lose it all later when it's too late to turn the clock back?

They say there is no live and happiness without the opposite sex or a sex partner in your life (considering nowadays, the acceptance of same-sex marriage in some societies).

I am sure many being alone (living alone in particular) would like to eat with someone, share their daily encounters, and cold evenings and nights like in Canada after a hard week's work, put your feet up and have tea with someone special with the candlelight and the rest. Why do we prefer to stay without such things even when we know people we can have it with?

I am sure there are desires, yet fears and you bet the number of factors that must be considered. Most people want to be with one that they se they could take into the future, not just for the sake of having one. And indeed, marriage is not for everyone, but once we are sill in marrying age, its is a worry.

They say too, when you are unmarried or without someone in adult life, you are unstable which could affect many important things you do.

Migration from one place to another is a great cause for this problem - staying alone. You are away from the people you grew up with and you grow away from them and of course if you are selective, it makes matters worse. If all the qualified person(s) you once knew, are taken or you have lost contact with them and can't find them replaceable, another reason for staying alone. The thing is, you already knew what is better or best and you can't go back to less.

How about how our guys think of us once they know we have been in a previous relationship? :wink: Previous relationships are common when you have passed the traditional age to get married due to studies etc. and could not materialize into marriage for some of the reasons mentioned above :oops:

[pavalamani pragasam]

The first thing that comes to my mind making me chuckle is Manorama's character in the movie, "Nadigan"!

[Sanguine Sridhar]

If Women has the patience to listen the comments passed by the Society then no problem! IMO Women still need a protection.Very few can stay alone.

[Querida]

Beckham isn't that sad men have to protect women from other men?

Anyways I agree with Dev most people still wait for the One or feel that they are happier just going from relationship where they are not fully committed or of course the factors that goodsense has mentioned. I know many in Malaysia/UK/Canada who would rather work and enjoy an active social life...then get into a marriage where everything seems too permanent. Though, I would think they are even moreso attached to their family and friends. Again this is only from hearing others talk and not yet from personal experience.

[goodsense]

The thing is, when you under mid 20s, you can call on a third party like a parent, aunt or uncle in finding someone, but after that age, you are on your own. If you try to involve them, you look foolish, especially if you live alone and have travelled alone etc. You have to answer and take responsibility for everything. :o Moreover, men get suspicious of you once you live alone :wink: This is quite a task and to avoid all the uneasiness, its best left alone. Somethings, you just can't explain :wink:

No mater how busy we are, we have lonely moments at certain age living alone, and family and friends can't fill that space. And they say, (can't remember the name of the singer) "To be lonely, its a crime".

[krishnan]

Marriage is not for everyone !

Very true... Not everyone are made for marriage...:)

I know a couple of ppl(a male & another is a female- both Doctors) who opted to stay single as they were more into serving the society than the normal work-to-earn life... I guess they felt they had many more things to do than getting married & stuff... To me, their decision seemed completely justified... From my personal experience with them, I don't think they would not have been this happy had they led the normal married life.. There is a possibility that they married a like minded person & continue with their work... but the chances of finding such a match was a remote possibility... IMHO, such ppl are better off staying single...:)

Appo andha single male and single female seems to be a good match for each other. Why don't you play role of matchmaker here? :lol: :lol:

PS.

Well dev no offence meant, J/K

[dev]

Krishna,

She's much older than the guy... She must be in her late 40s & the guy in his late 30s... On a serious note, I don't like playing the matchmaker role... It's better tht ppl find their match themselves & decide the right time to get married...

[a.ratchasi]

In the old days when a female passes a certain age and not married, they are called names like "Old maids", "Put away on shelf" , something wrong with her etc. Has there been changes to such views and if so what has caused such changes? Are they positive or negative?

We need to discuss the reasons why women are in these positions and whether they are looked upon in the right perspective,

Actually they simply don't care! :)

[dev]

:) @a.r... Very true...

[Shekhar]

I whole heartedly support, encourage and motivate women to stay single. It is a great service to "Man"kind.
Atleast souls of that many men are saved from eternal slavery!! :lol: :lol:

[goodsense]

When we leave put homelands at a young age to come abroad we never imagine he issues we will face in alter life. In 1987 I went home husband hunting - looking for the eligible ambitious guys I once knew in school, though I never spoke to them, was shocked they were all married and the reasons was to obtain residence abroad. I couldn't believe how much they had lower their standards. I gave up that thought about finding a husband at home. I guess at that time, I should have looked at bit harder for an eligible guy I didn't know before. It's not something I can do or want to do now.

Most of he guys abroad go back home to find wives. So it leaves us with the foreign guys. Then you are faced with the dilemma of giving up your culture to accommodate someone of another.

Faced with these dilemma and get is going, you wonder whether you should have a child out of wedlock. This is a taboo topic for discussion in a family and culture says no. You then isolate yourself from you community cause when they see you, first question is, are you married now? If not why not? The more you have studied and traveled, they expect you to have had more opportunities to meet people (yet, you see them preferring to have their sons going back home for a traditional wife and discourage them from marrying someone who has lived abroad for a few years (like 3 and 4 upwards). That is true, but there are complications beyond their comprehension that you can't explain to them. Then they start to wonder what is wrong with you …… So you bear what they think or could be thinking.

I emeber once I met an Indian guy at Dixons in UK, he said his parenst were taking him home to find a wife, that the girls her do things. When I asked what things he aid going to movies and kissing). The other day I met one guy from Pakistan, he told me he went home to get married, that is so easy, there are more women to men, but women here can't easily go back home and do that so easily. I deal with "spousal sponsorships" and I see what is going on. It makes me sad, the more. The men have all the good times ehre and go home for the most innocent bride.

I was once that person chosen to be an innocent bride :wink: Looking back at it, I prefer my life now as to what it would have been had I marry that guy.

If a woman is good looking, more people wonder why she is alone and even think that you like to have freedom i.e. change partners as often etc.

Then you wonder what older age would bring. Would you end up being stuck away in an old age home or something :cry:

[viLakkumaaru]

I whole heartedly support, encourage and motivate women to stay single. It is a great service to "Man"kind.
Atleast souls of that many men are saved from eternal slavery!! :lol: :lol:

Shekhar, what is going on? Everything okay at home? :lol: ungada manaivi ithai vaasichaal ungaLukku vilanku poottu changkiliyil kattuppaduvathu thaan vithi. :lol:

[sv]

"Beckham isn't that sad men have to protect women from other men?"
Marriage is necessary for a normal woman to protect her from other women too!!
Though the percentage of educated people has increased in our society, the mentality is still the same. Atleast people want to pass their time in gossips. Unmarried man, imporatantly woman, is the target of gossips.
I don't quite agree with idea of search for an ideal match in marriages. One soul in two bodies, sounds nice in fiction, but not in practice. Many of my friends (men and women) did the same mistake. Took a long time to find the ideal match and later found their partner different from what they imagined.
There are some women who couldn't get married because they were born with many sisters in a poor family. There are some women who wants to remain unmarried to pursue their interests in career and for the society. However once the desire for love comes in their mind, it is better to get married soon. All those comments and gossips that they were ignoring till that point will look big to them.
About getting married to a foreigner or an indian, whoever it is what one wants is a loyal mate. If one knows and does what is right to him/her, society will automatically accept it sooner or later.

[goodsense]

For sometime now, I have been wondering about Shekhar's position at home, but didn't want to ask :?: :?

SV,

I am glad you kind a answer my question about the"dilemma". One can be torn between their own culture and that of another when it comes to accepting another person from another culture. The truth is, many people go along with your culture, pretend that they accept it and will allow you to continue with your practices, but once they get married to you, they change and start putting pressure to stop some of it. You yourself after some time, would not realize how much you have changed :cry:

Now you would know why I am considering "Sannyasa". Hope you saw my enquiries in that thread I opended in history and culture section :P

[sv]

goodsense! You can't be so harsh on yourself. (I couldn't read your thread in the history and cultural section). However as for as i know, sanyasa can only avoid the problem, it cannot solve it. When one wishes for something, tries for it and things didn't work as expected, one can only try for the next possible solution. If the best didn't happen, go for the second best. Its not fair to give up completely. You are telling it is better to think before action. How much and for how long? Most of things which we speculate and worry about, passby quietly in life. Life is not that complicated. It is easier to try known ways that worked for others.

[goodsense]

"There are some women who couldn't get married because they were born with many sisters in a poor family. ". That is true. A good example is Lata Mangeshkar. She was older too than other sisters and had to support her family. Its good if society can see these things, but sometimes a woman has to become real prominent for it to be recognised :o

Sometimes I feel I am being harsh on myself, but haven't found a way around that yet. Every thing I see, seems temporary and fruitless :(

Some men can take you away from work you want to do for society and the most noble acts :wink:

I have to admit, at times too, I enjoy my own company and privacy and I am afraid that this would be invaded by another person. This might be as a result of being alone for a long time :mrgreen:

[goodsense]

1.Most of the men of suitable age are married or divorced.
2. Those divorced are filled with encumbrances and liabilities (e.g. child and spousal support) that you may have to support him.
3. You may even have to end up spending your money on those children - the man stealing from you to give to them and what can you do?
4.You don't know whose fault it was that lead to the divorce, you could never heard the side of the woman. Yes you can go and read up on a case, but all the moral issues are not there and depending on what kind of woman it is, will affect the way in which the case is documented in such a way that it is far from truth :shock:
5. Even if you start a new life with them, the children come into the scene for shares, especially at later age :roll: .


This is what happens when you miss the goose when it's young :wink:

As you have seen in the celebrating women tread, we don; get the best deals even if we are married younger and we are criticize when we go abroad submerged in foreign cultures or had one or more previous relationship for which we are rejected. But its OK, to marry a foreigner with past relationships etc. and "BEND". Not very encouraging eh! I would like to hear from the males on this.

[Shakthiprabha.]

Enough is already discussed :)
I dont think i can bring any new perspective to add on.

I would just wanna say......


WOMEN CAN STAY ALONE.

she should be LET TO STAY ALONE THE **WAY** SHE WANTS.

'How she lives' should not be anybody else's concern.

She cannot be taken with a stamp of "available" to men around.

*******

If that is the case, ABS NOTHING wrong in women staying alone or without marriage.

[goodsense]

Shakti,

I got what you are saying. But while I questioned or listed some of the reasons why women stay alone, I did no say that I have made the decision to stay alone for the rest of my lfe. Its is a consideration based on the reasons set out and I know once that decision is made - either way, I would stick to it. I am definitely at the verge of making decisions :oops:

I can say I am more on the side of staying alone. As I was just saying to my friend, we get selfish after staying alone for sometime and want to keep it that way :)

[goodsense]

Just had a one hour lecture from a male as to why it is not good for a woman to stay alone. I opted to go for food shopping and cook myself a nice meal and eat alone instead of going out with him :)

I will share this conversation later in this tread. I also have another experience to share. If you think our guys are different in different parts of the world (India, Africa, West Indies, North America....) when it comes to certain issues, you are fooling yourself :wink:

Then I would like to discuss some of the things you learn about after being forced to stay lone, that you fear losing if you no longer stay alone. These are some of the things women who are married would not know and I am sure there are things that know that we who have been alone, would not know.

[Shakthiprabha.]

good sense,

:)

I never looked at it from any hubbers point of view. I just said my view from general angle :)

Looking at it from a person's point of view, the foll are the points I would tell her or him.

**********

Whatever be ur decision, LET IT BE THE BEST DECISION.
Let it be YOUR decision.

Think from foll angle.

1. Are u happy with ur decision
2. Are u happy with ur decision now
3. Would u be happy with ur decision at every stage of life (I would advice u to analyse ur age issues for every 10 years and do a wider thinking)

Interestingly, U HAVE OPTION TO MARRY, if u dont find staying alone interesting.

BUT..

if u marry, AND U DONT FIND IT INTERESTING, staying alone becomes then a bigger problem comparitively :)

4. Are u willing to face the society's challenges with today's situation

5. How sensitive are you to society's words or anyone else's words for that matter

6. safety from every angle. (be armed. be prepared. be bold)

7. ur budget analysis and right surroundings to stay alone.

PREFERABLY take up flat (than independant houses) and make lots of friends, in and around neighbour hood.

8. how many friends or relatives u have, WHO UNDERSTAND YOU AND BY UR SIDE AT ANY POINT OF TIME.

Thts all I can think of now.

GOOD LUCK GOOD SENSE :) Good luck on ur decison too. :)

[Lambretta]

I never looked at it from any hubbers point of view. I just said my view from general angle :)
As we know u always do in ne issue! Yup tats our SP! :wink: :lol:


Looking at it from a person's point of view, the foll are the points I would tell her or him.

**********
Yup all sound like good points to ponder on.....but might I add:

If u don't marry, wud u be MENTALLY/EMOTIONALLY capable of managing the rest of ur life w/out ne availability of physical relationship/satisfaction whenever u feel the need for them, as let's face it all ppl. (inc. women) hav such needs, upto a certain age! :)

Also r u just as competent if u were to manage w/out having sumone 'special' around u (I wudn't count live-ins, dating etc. as IMO these r basically purpose-oriented/transitory/unreliable in this regard) when sumtimes u feel emotionally broken down or 'empty' (I'm sure we all do, however, 'strong' we may be) & need a shoulder to cry on etc.?

[Shakthiprabha.]

lambretta,

shoulder to cry NEED NOT BE spouse or lovers always :)

[Lambretta]

lambretta,

shoulder to cry NEED NOT BE spouse or lovers always :)
SP,
I didn;t mean tat LITERALLY or just tat, I only gave tat as an eg.! :)
Let's say tat's jus a drop in the ocean of a relationship/marriage.....
And even so besides, whom cud u possibly count on more for this? Parents won't be around much longer, siblings won't be w/ u always, they may hav setlled w/ their own families, friends may not alwyas hav the time/patience for this, for u........:)

[Shakthiprabha.]

lambretta,

I always think, 2 TO 3 women CAN STAY together as friends, (who wants to stay alone)

It needs lots of compromsing yup.

if not intersted in compromisng now. later they could stay together ( around 50 plus age)

[Lambretta]

Hmm.......also true.

[a.ratchasi]

Also r u just as competent if u were to manage w/out having sumone 'special' around u (I wudn't count live-ins, dating etc. as IMO these r basically purpose-oriented/transitory/unreliable in this regard) when sumtimes u feel emotionally broken down or 'empty' (I'm sure we all do, however, 'strong' we may be) & need a shoulder to cry on etc.?

Of course yes, provided you have a charming family. What if the spouse is one heck of a rascal? Is it still better to be married since we have someone to call our own even if every living day is a hell?

There are times when you have the whole world around you and yet you feel alone. Now, that is sad! This is not a call for all to remain single but just another prespective on why some prefer being single.

Having someone beside you does not guarantee anything. Nor does being single means you are lonely, bitter and in need of love -IMHO!

[Anoushka]

AR: Well said :) :thumbsup: I agree with you 100%. Good sense, think well and take a decision and stick to it.

I got married when I was 31, couldn't have imagined going back to India and getting married to a guy who has never stepped out of the country....

Even when I was there loads of proposals weren't even considered because I was a bit "different" as everyone puts it, from the rest of the crowd. My parents brought me up in such a way that I was very very independant, most of the time I was the boy in the family though I have a younger brother...

Most men could not accept a highly independant girl like me.

Even here when I was alone, I never felt lonely, infact I had a great time. I had no TV at home, would spend my free time reading books, volunteering, spending time with friends, going for walks, listening to music, etc. Never missed anything in life.

When I met my husband here, I decided to get married to him because he knew me fully well in the four years that we spent time together. It was like getting my own friend for life and not having to worry about looking for a friend to go to a movie with... etc, if you know what I mean. He knew how fiercely independant I was and how much I valued my freedom.

I don't say I don't have problems at all, but those little problems make life interesting.

I also have to say it is not just a foriegner who will slowly force you to do things his way once you get married, it could be an Indian from a different culture, or sometimes even an Indian from your own culture who has different ways of doing things at home....

I know of a case where the couple were both Tamilians but of different castes the result was that he kept insisting that she do everything his way! In the end it didn't work out at all :(

So don't worry about it, it all depends on people, some people are nice, some people are not so nice....

Good luck in whatever you decide to do :)

[Lambretta]

A.R, agree w/ ur reply too, there can no doubt be 2 sides of the same coin. I meant it from a more general point of view tho. :)
For eg. there r cases where, leave alone spouse, one's own parents/one of the parents turn out to be living hell for them/ther entire family!
But for tat reason we cudn't say tat having no parents also turns out to be a good idea. :)
Note: My point for this matter, is NOT tat women SHUD NOT by ne stay alone/single.....was just intending to emphasise on the downsides alongw/ the upsides in this regard. :)

[sv]

AR and Anoushka, i agree with you on the point that lonliness has no connection with marriage.

My question is what if later some one feels it is necessary to get married?
Till my early twenties i was dead against marriage, i wanted to spend my time in higher studies and in doing social services. I hardly realized i will fall head over heels in love and get married in my late twenties.

Studies, career, interests, name anything, we can start doing them at any age. If we are not interested to do it at one stage of our life, and took interest in that later, we can still do it. Age doesn't matter in pursuing any of our interests.

Can the same fact be applied to marriage? If a girl doesn't want to get married till she is 30, remains alone and in 35 or 40 she wants to get married, how probable is it to find a good match? By that time many men would have got married and she has to select from the remaining unmarried men. If she then wants to become a mother it is still a harder task. One has to think ahead.

We don't know how our own mind changes with time. Many of my friends are talented girls, some are gold medalits, good at singing, dancing etc. After marriage their interests slowly changed, not because of compulsion from their husbands, but out of their own repsonsibilities. Now they are happier to see their young ones getting trained in music, swimming, dances,...

Lonely life will help in building up individuality, pursuing onesinterests, shaping up ones talents, but it also sadly brings in inflexibility and a narrower view on life. Unmarried women especially can easily get isolated from the society, if they are not courageous and matured enough to discard any comments and rumours flying around them.

[goodsense]

SP,

Thanks for your consideration on safety and ways to counteract loneliness.

I smiled at the safety one.

Well life here in the west is a bit different. In my homeland, you live one place all your life; people can easily find or trace you. Here people move around due to jobs, career, education etc. So, it’s hard to pick one safe place. You move or they around you move.

Lammy (like to call you this as a pet name, hope you don't mind),

I am hoping to come to terms with the part of personal satisfaction. This is because my spiritual master always warn to stay away from attachments. He is 65 years old, has children but separated. He said if you have children do not expect anything from them, but do your best for them. The same thing with sexual relations, he advice its best to stay in celibacy (here in the west, in other cultures, you would be referred to as a hermit :lol:). Your spiritual life can be very high and I have experienced this.

I have already considered what will happen when the parents pass away and it is already the case, that my siblings have their own lives. We only meet now and then and to be honest I couldn't handle any thing more frequent. Something to do with me being separated from them since age 10 and have been in and out of the family since. I have six sweet little nephews who always look out for me, but I don't know how things will be in later life.

SV,

I would say some thing similar to your response. Being alone helps the development of spirituality.

What I am weary of is once a decision is being made, something happens to push you to change it. With a decision, you make plans accordingly. For example, I had a class-mate in law school who had given up on having children due to biological problems at an earlier age. Once she made her decision and plans accordingly, her biology changed. She was very upset having to make changes in long-term plans.

My situation is the circumstances forced me to stay alone for a significant part of my life, where I did many things on my own, wished I could have shared them then. Although I may be willing to change that now, there are implications as I listed, some of which you have listed in last post. During my times of loneliness I have discovered some things I don't want to lose if I were to be with someone as in marriage - long-term relationships. These factors have caused me to think, that I might be better off staying alone.

Research here in the west shows that many women and men are single and lonely. They live with dogs and cats as companion
:(

[Lambretta]

If a girl doesn't want to get married till she is 30, remains alone and in 35 or 40 she wants to get married, how probable is it to find a good match? By that time many men would have got married and she has to select from the remaining unmarried men. If she then wants to become a mother it is still a harder task.
Exactly......also after tat age she can't enjoy a very long physical relationship w/ her husband, as she'd enter menopause stage at 45 or just after tat (I think)......unless shez prepared to forgo/remain detached from all this in her relationship.....
Personally, I din't even like the idea of men not marrying until they were nearly 40! starting to get grey hair & all, which was relatively common 35-40 yrs ago....and they'd always prefer to marry young women in their 20s! :x

[Lambretta]

*DIGR*
Lammy (like to call you this as a pet name, hope you don't mind)
Nopes, I wudn't mind tat 'cos I know (& assume u too!) tats the nickname for the Lambretta abroad......is jus tat they were renamed (& eventually known more widely) as Lamby here! :D

*END*


I am hoping to come to terms with the part of personal satisfaction. This is because my spiritual master always warn to stay away from attachments. He is 63 years old, has children but separated. He said if you have children do not expect anything from them, but do your best for them. The same thing with sexual relations, he advice its best to stay in celibacy. Your spiritual life can be very high and I have experienced this.
Yup, wat he says is very true! (Is he Indian btw?) :D
Its very true for both men & women to understand......for tat matter, I wudn't see ne point in being married either if after 15-20 yrs of marriage all the worth u see in ur spouse is sexual satisfaction!
Unftly not many of our ppl. even here heed such advices nowadays.......tat mainly explains the pitched-up sales in Viagra over here lately! :roll:

[goodsense]

Yes, he is Indian. He is our Honourable Dr. Doobay at the Vishnu Mandir. I guess I can repeat what he says to us openly. He is/was a heart surgeon and his wife a medical doctor too. As far as I know, he has been separated for sometime.

So my point is, after not being married at an earlier age, why look for something that woud be short-lived which you may have to give up down the road, in particular if you enjoy spirituality!

[Lambretta]

Exactly! :D
Neways, sorry, gone too tired now goodsense! Will hav to catch sum sleep now, ciao! :wave:

[viLakkumaaru]

He is/was a heart surgeon and his wife a medical doctor too. As far as I know, he has been separated for sometime.


Even medics can't mend broken hearts it seems. Is it only the spirituality? I don't think so but good luck Urme!

[Shakthiprabha.]

SV,

Becoming a mother is no big deal. I suppose ppl who already are interested or inclined or love to stay alone, would love to adopt children.

Such ppl CAN CONSIDER adopting children.

Its a wonderful way to get a lovely companion. :)

[goodsense]

Shakti,

I was thinking along those lines. I love children and would like to adopt one.

[Shakthiprabha.]

:) :thumbsup:

WONDERFUL decision. good luck.

[goodsense]

Lammy,

It is this graceful individual that I am inspired by, whose teachings also tie in so well with my ideas - I think of things then I "later" hear them from his mouth. One time I coudn't help going up to him and tell him that. Thus, he confirms my thoughts.

http://www.cmohc.ca/webdir/images/theliberal.pd
http://www.vishnumandir.com/htm/past-diwali.htm
http://www.vishnumandir.com/htm/sonofguyana.htm

[sv]

SP and goodsense, it is indeed noble to adopt a child, but bringing up a child as a single mother has its own complications. Staying alone, being a single parent, leading a married life, everything has its own plus and minus points. Everything has a cost!

Goodsense, it is true that one cannot expect anything even from one's own child. Even the smoothest surface will look rough, uneven and ugly under a miscroscope. Sometimes it is better not to look deeper because we ourselves are not perfect either.
We need some motivation for living, somehow we have to pass our life. It can be be a simple motivation, like leading a peaceful life.

Before deciding which is a better way of living, it is better to think in advance about the consequences. Marriage needs compromises, living alone needs maturity to ignore criticism and courage to manage ones yearning for love which shows up time to time. If all these are considered and the decision is whole hearted, then it can stand the time.

[Querida]

Hi goodsense I too have heard his talks on tv, he is quite inspirational :)

[goodsense]

Thanks Querida!

At least there is some one here to confirm something I said. I watch him on TV sometimes, but I go to his temple every couple of Sundays or when I can (since I live a bit far off and often busy) and on special occassions. What you see on TV is what has been recorded at the temple.

[Shekhar]

For sometime now, I have been wondering about Shekhar's position at home, but didn't want to ask :?: :?
Oh! come on ... my position at home is the generality of all husbands position at home! Only I am dare enough to admit it and clever enough to combat it. :D :D :D

Here is why men end up in that state...
It's not difficult for a husband to keep a woman happy. All you have to do is to be:

1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist
15. A gynecologist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer

AND ALSO

22. Warm
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Attentive
27. Gallant
28. Intelligent
29. Funny
30. Creative
31. Tender
32. Strong
33. Understanding
34. Tolerant
35. Prudent
36. Ambitious
37. Capable
38. Courageous
39. Determined
40. True
41. Dependable
42. Passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

43. Give her compliments regularly
44. Love shopping
45. Be honest
46. Be very rich
47. Not stress her out
48. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

49. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
50. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
51. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT:

52. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY!!! :

Leave him in peace, NO Nagging - ( Later also - allow his Soul to Rest in Peace ).

I wonder if you are you married good sense!!!

[pavalamani pragasam]

A very neat dictionary & grammar book for all men! :clap:

[Lambretta]

:lol: Shekhar,
I wonder if this shud be in the 'good advices' thread....:wink:

Goodsense,
tks for the links......except for the 1st one I cud view them, nice to read abt Dr. Dubey & see the Diwali pics.! :D

[rajraj]

A very neat dictionary & grammar book for all men! :clap:

The trouble is no man carries this dictionary with him and men are very bad when it comes to such grammar! :lol:

[sv]

This FH is lively because of few people like you, shekar! :lol:

[pavalamani pragasam]

That, rajraj, is the ultimate cause for all skirmishes & battle wounds in the domestic front! :lol:

[goodsense]

SV and Amousk,

I would like to comment in detail on your post, but really time is a bit of a problem. Will catch up later :)

Shekhar,

I think of myself as one of the few nicest and sweetest female (in every way) in the whole wide world who has been left behind :P :lol: for reasons known fully only to the lord :(No seriously! I have been told I am great at almost everything and this is from a male's view (and he is from India). He said if he was single, I am the kind of woman he would go after, a common comment from the guys already taken. All the good guys are gone indeed (by the time I got myself together after being a nomad :lol: for some years :evil: and ....for other reasons out of my control - or unforseeable :evil: ).

Nup, not married and not really thinking about it :P Have a feeling, its for the best. Haven't done anything that shows desperation, at leasts haven't prove that to myself. May be deeply in me I know myself enough to know what is good for me and not good for me at this stage of life and have already in the subconscious, made my decision. Perhaps only wanted confirmation by hearing the views of others. It always helps.

Some people have interpreted this (could be out of malice) their reasons as to why this is so, while other people are calling me "mean girl", like today after refusing to go out for Valentine. What can I say? :(

Lammy!

You are like a breath of fresh air to me when I wake up in the mornings and come here, seeing you off on your Lamby :D

I noticed the problem in the first link. Tried getting some recent pictures, but had some problems.

[Lambretta]

Lammy!
You are like a breath of fresh air to me when I wake up in the mornings and come here, seeing you off on your Lamby :D
:lol: Tks!
As a matter of fact even my 'real' Lambretta (actually called Vijay Super here!) is a breath of fresh air for me, whenever I ride it, in the midst of the complexities of everyday life (apart from everyday traffic!) :D


I noticed the problem in the first link. Tried getting some recent pictures, but had some problems.
No problems! :D
Neways, I hav to 'scoot' from here for now as its past midnite here!
Ciao!

[sv]

No probs good sense

[Sanguine Sridhar]

Shekar Ultimate!!!!! :clap:

[goodsense]

People have to be spiritually compatible or else the spiritual person would find everything acquired, rubbed off in no time. Its hard to tolerate someone even by speaking to them at long distance, if they are into the flesh, having good times etc. with no spirituality. People who don't eat meat and find themselves around people you see eating it, would know what I mean. You get that nauseous feeling to vomit .... :oops:

Shekhar,

In addition to what I said yesterday about being a nomad (by which I mean moving from place to place, not necessarily for food and other basic needs), man, please note this proverb "A rolling stone gathers no moss". I wonder who would want to gather moss though :wink: Moss is not a good thing, is it?

[goodsense]

The other dilemma is if a woman wants to stay alone, but like to look attractive for herself of course, how can she keep the men away? The heads of men always turn to look at the attractive female and can't resists the eye contact though you may be looking at him with different eyes. I am sorry to sound so bold, but these are serious concerns :wink:

[dev]

The other dilemma is if a woman wants to stay alone, but like to look attractive for herself of course, how can she keep the men away? The heads of men always turn to look at the attractive female and can't resists the eye contact though you may be looking at him with different eyes. I am sorry to sound so bold, but these are serious concerns :wink:

A woman should stay alone only if she is matured enough to ignore such looks... It's human nature to turn to look at anything that's attractive... I wonder if girls don't turn to look at an attractive male!!!... :huh:

[pavalamani pragasam]

"looking attractive" might make men look, but only that! No harm in that. A tribute, a silent acknowledgement for tasteful expression of oneself. But it is the body language, other silent signals, undertones which "attract" more than just a curious, admiring look!

[dev]

Yes, looks can be ignored but other signals might need to be tackled... This is not only for women but for men too... like one our fellow male hubber had to tackle one such a few days back... :wink:

[Shekhar]

Why female hubbers don't see my signals?!!! :wink: :)

[pavalamani pragasam]

May be the signals are too subtle/obvious or the females here are too obtuse/clever/immune :wink: Howazzat for a paradox :lol:
Keep trying, anyway! All the best!!!

[rajraj]

Why female hubbers don't see my signals?!!! :wink: :)

They must be 'Shekhar'blind ! :lol:

[dev]

:lol: @ pp & rajraj

[Lambretta]

People have to be spiritually compatible or else the spiritual person would find everything acquired, rubbed off in no time. Its hard to tolerate someone even by speaking to them at long distance, if they are into the flesh, having good times etc. with no spirituality.
Well said, goodsens! Ne'er was a truer word spoken! :thumbsup: :D
If only the youth in our country realised the same.......! :(


People who don't eat meat and find themselves around people you see eating it, would know what I mean. You get that nauseous feeling to vomit .... :oops:
Yea I do, altho if I had to face tat environment, I wudn't feel too uncomfy as long as none compelled/forced ME to join them in it! Tatd make me really mad! :evil:

[Lambretta]

Why female hubbers don't see my signals?!!! :wink: :)
Hmm....maybe cos a no. of them r more good-looking than u imagined & prob. too busy having a no. of other signals to tackle, to able to see urs! :wink: :)

[goodsense]

I am being harassed behind the scene for this thread (like other things which I had to report)and my post in it, so I have to ..... :wink: :(

[sv]

How come you get harassed for what you said in a hub like this? It is so strange! Even hub is not a safe place?! :(

[goodsense]

SV,

Its not any of the hubbers we see here. And its not done by PMs either. Can't really explain here.

Hint: party who is "cause in the matter". Mods and similar such people (reported to) would have some idea :oops:

[sv]

I don't know what to say! good luck!

[Shekhar]

May be the signals are too subtle/obvious or the females here are too obtuse/clever/immune :wink: Howazzat for a paradox :lol:
Keep trying, anyway! All the best!!!

No.. No.. I think it is because they are after all women. They take only my jokes seriously. :lol: :lol:

Anyway I will keep trying. :wink: But where is the female brigde ? They have all disappeared.

[pavalamani pragasam]

Just as it is true that boys will be boys, girls are girls!!!

[goodsense]

Lammy,

here is the link you could not open. An "f" was missing at the end.

http://www.cmohc.ca/webdir/images/theliberal.pdf

If you go abck to this webpage:-

http://www.vishnumandir.com/htm/past-diwali.htm

Click on back at bottom left, it will take you to many past events.

By the way, came to know Lammy is a female name in the west :D

SV,

What can I say. These things happen when people (most hallow and shallow) don't have the confidence to bring forth their defence or have none at all and want to instill fear after you are left to clean up the mess left behind :wink:

[Lambretta]

here is the link you could not open. An "f" was missing at the end.

http://www.cmohc.ca/webdir/images/theliberal.pdf

Tks goodsense! I was really intrigued to read abt Dr. Dubey's contribution to our culture. :D
I wud say our own ppl. r as much in need of the education he intends to impart as foreginers r....


By the way, came to know Lammy is a female name in the west :D
Oh yea...my bad! Tat slipped my mind- ppl. who give nicknames to their vehicles (as this one) do see them as female! :oops: :roll:
Oh well, ok let;s just forget the username/nickname business! U cud straightaway call me by my real name- Shyam, now tat its no more a secret here! :)

[selvakumar]

I think this is my first post in this thread!!

Friends,
I don't want even my worst enemy to suffer loneliness. I am not talking about people who are alone(unmarried) and living in a group in the society. I am talking about people who are alone / away from their beloved / etc/


Loneliness is killing me everyday. In the past, I just wondered how beautiful life would be if I am the only person who live on this earth and that too without any responsibility. But now reality is a striking..and is hitting hard..

If u are alone and if u suffer something, there won't be anyone to bring you out of it. Your thoughts / sufferings might grow and u could turn out as a lunatic.!!

I don't want even my enemy to suffer this kind of loneliness

[Lambretta]

Selva,
I completely agree w. u! Altho I havn;t gone thru wat u've recently, I do feel frustrated when I'm all alone for too long at home daily when my mum is away at work (feels worse esp. now since I don't even hav a job at present! :().....we may feel we need our space etc. but, just like the flash of lightning is brilliant only for a moment after which its no more, we tend to wish we had sumone we like, to talk to, laugh w/ etc.!

[Sandeep]

Selva,
That why you should not invest all your emotions and time for one individual. Thats why we need not just lovers but friends, family and even enemies. Sure each relation has its place and importance but when you loose one the other relations help you buffer the blow.

I think you are feeling lonely, but remember its only a feeling. :)

[Sandeep]

Selva,
I completely agree w. u! Altho I havn;t gone thru wat u've recently, I do feel frustrated when I'm all alone for too long at home daily when my mum is away at work (feels worse esp. now since I don't even hav a job at present! :().....we may feel we need our space etc. but, just like the flash of lightning is brilliant only for a moment after which its no more, we tend to wish we had sumone we like, to talk to, laugh w/ etc.!

Lamby,

Its time for a service. :D

Dont confuse between emotional loneliness and physical loneliness. All this space talk is about mental and physical freedom and not about feeling emotionaly lonely. For instance I am mentaly/physically lonely bcoz of lack of contact with friends and family. But you cannot compare that with Selva's case.

[Lambretta]

Selva,
That why you should not invest all your emotions and time for one individual. Thats why we need not just lovers but friends, family and even enemies.
Yea sure investing time/emotions on enemies is a gud idea, since ther usually r returns for the 'investment'! :P
But hey, wat if ur relatives r rather reserved or far flung...so may be ur family (parents)......
As for friends chances r they may not meet ur line of thinking/attitude in sum way or the other......atleast I've usually found it difficult to make friends to easily whenevr I tried (I'd find most of the guys my age grup I've come across seem to hav nothing to talk abt but films/cricket/girls/women/'figures' blah blah blah.....:roll:)
Jus reminded of this song from a '70s Hindi film "Namak Haram"- Diye jalte hain, phool khilte hain....badi mushkil se magar duniya mein dost milte hain!:)

[Lambretta]

Lamby,

Its time for a service. :D
Yea I've already applied for training for Gen. Insurance! :) Hopefully will get a job thereafter......!


Dont confuse between emotional loneliness and physical loneliness. All this space talk is about mental and physical freedom and not about feeling emotionaly lonely. For instance I am mentaly/physically lonely bcoz of lack of contact with friends and family. But you cannot compare that with Selva's case.
Nope I'm sure none of us cud compare our loneliness w/ Selva's case but wat he's sayin is even prolonged mental/physical loneliness can lead to emotional loneliness.

[selvakumar]

I completely agree with Lambretta!!

Be it physical loneliness or emotional - both are always killing..

It is easy to narrate in words.. but reality is killing..me.. I am also a person who talked lot about living lonely.. and my hatred towards marriage etc.

Sandeep, Somehow we attach with others. through the hub / friend circle etc..

We always need a person (dead or alive) to share our feelings and emotions..

I am still unable to come out of it.. If I have some of my friends this time with me, I might have come out of it easily. I think u can understand!!

[Shakthiprabha.]

Selvakumar,

Please cheer up.
We do need friends.

I would suggest u open up ur problems to ATLEAST one of ur close friends.

Lonliness is killing. yes.

sandeep,

One needs to be TOO DETACHED to talk that philosophy. Not all can do it. :)

I really wonder, sometimes claiming i am a detached person myself.........

I feel too lonely at times. I do crave for companion or friends. THE NEED IS THERE in every living person.

It takes lot of dhyana and practice to be too detached.

The funny thing is,

WE HAVE WORLD WITH US.

MOM, DAD, SPOUSE, CHILD, NEIGHBOURS, FRIENDS, RELATIVES, BEST FREINDS, WHOLEEEEEEE WORLD.

YET........... we feel lonely........ too lonely . The feeling is weird and unexplainable.

[goodsense]

Selva,

I am wondering if you lost a female partner/spouse, looking at your other thread - "I lost her".

No matter what we know, it hard to do sometimes. Everything takes time. No man is an Island and at times in life, we all lose people we love or were once attached to.

Recently I lost an Aunt and the last I recall of her was her wedding and her father's death which followed soon after. I remember on her Maticore night, her lover left his village to come and take a peek at her so many villages away. In Indian custom on such nights - two nights before the wedding day, they are not supposed to see each other, but that is how much they were in love. I was small then and remember this scene. I saw the grief in the husband who was the first person I embraced (certainly recognized him after 20 odd years) when I arrived at the scene of the funeral.

After I cam back to Canada and enquired about him, I heard he comes in late at night and he drinks. He still has an unmarried daughter at home, but he still misses his wife and when he comes in late and kind a drunk would say things like, "make sure you keep your mother's dinner". He still can't accept that she is dead.

If you are going through this bereavement, please try to stay with friends (I know sometimes you don't want to be around any one when you feel this way and if you are forced to, you want to get back into your hole as quickly as possibly); it takes time, sometime years. Even for me, after my return I was OK after a few weeks, but at times when alone and in bed, tears will be running out of my eyes and these silent tears can go on for years. They hit when you least expect. This is a different kind of loneliness and I lectured my aunt's husband on the issue of attachment before I left.

Everyone in this world has to go one day, but it happens sometimes when we least expect it. If purpose has been served, we should be happy for them when they leave. As the pandit said then, "when we leave this world, we should be smiling and let the people around us weep. That is the fragrance that we should leave behind. They have gone to a better place".

Please take courage! :)

[goodsense]

Shyam,

I preferred Lammy cause its more of a pet name for me. You can tell my degree of loneliness wanting pets although I have to deal with signals! :oops: :lol:

I have to get use to Shyam, but it doesn't feel the same :(

Hope you find a job soon :)

[Shakthiprabha.]

Goodsense,

Sad story of not only that man, but of every person.

Even if u wanna share ur grief, how many would sit and listen to it patiently? Once or twice they may sympathise. We on the otherhand would continue to rant our problems or grief about the same incident on multiple occasions. Everybody loses interest to listen to you. The cold fact is, WE ARE ALONE, when we wanna bear grief.

Initially We can share. yes. Some tears dont stop for decades. Whom do we share it with?

We came alone. One day we would all go alone. Thats the bitter truth.

[Shakthiprabha.]

I think IVe shared the story of a distant relative of mine who is seperated from her husband.

I was hardly 19 years when I visited her house. IT was a dark house with low ceiling. I was not comfortable at all, it got worse with my claustrophobic feelings.

Around 10 in the night, when we were trying to catch sleep which was eluding, I heard this song..........

quiet, painted iwth painful emotions.

"engirunthu nee vaadugindraaayo
thumba geethamE padugindrayoo....

unnai ninainthu ninaiinthu nenjam uruguthEy...."

Then my aunty slowly tells me the story of her MOTHER IN LAW.

The husband of this old woman who is now 95 (then 80) had left her with a child when she was barely 18 years.

Clueless as to his existence or reason to leave her, she cries herself to sleep everyday.

how many years of yearning!
how many years of trauma!
how many years of pain!

What is it? Is it love? pain? hurt?

or a mixture?

She still fiercely dresses herself with big bindi and colorful sarees and BELIEVES her husband is alive somewhere.

SHE STILL THINKS OF HIM. 75 years of seperation.

If therez anything called destiny its very very very very cruel.

The rest of the story goes, I COULD NOT SLEEP THE WHOLE NIGHT too. HER pain was too much to even grasp.

[goodsense]

>>She still fiercely dresses herself with big bindi and colorful sarees and BELIEVES her husband is alive somewhere.<<

My God, this is exactly what I was talking about before, somewhere - what goes on in our lives and the brave face we show to the world for fear of atacks in having to bear even more grief and now thinking somewhere is alive when it not in reality, only that it gives us hope to carry on.

[Lambretta]

I have to get use to Shyam, but it doesn't feel the same :(
Oh well, ok....u cud revert to Lamby in tat case! 'cos afa I'm aware it wasn;t used as a female name here, more like the official model name! :D


Hope you find a job soon :)
Tks! Same hope here! :D
I wud miss teaching but I don't think I can take up again until I'm qualified enuff! :(

SP, I really feel pity for ur relative, but all the same cudn;t help feeling intrigued by this 'attachment' from her side too! Compared w/ so many no. of superficial relationships tat we find existant among ppl. of recent generations...!

[goodsense]

Quote: "Tks! Same hope here! :D I wud miss teaching but I don't think I can take up again until I'm qualified enuff! :( "

At least you have the ambition to want to be qualified higher enough to get the job you desire and to earn that way. Some people want to make a quick living/easy money by stealing from others and when one stratey fails they try another. Then they want to tell you how to correct the effects of stealing from you :x

Whether its educational development or someone in business development, it takes time and sometimes it involves borrowing of money/ loans. You will see the rewards in time. Rome wasn't built in a day.

I am sure things will work out. At least you are surrounded by your own community and its your community that gives you bread and butter :wink: Be patient!

So much for the divergence.

[Shekhar]

Talking about loneliness...

The greatest and the wisest people in History of mankind, were lonely without attachments. Buddha, Christ, Bahubali, Gandhi, Einstein......

Perhaps the first step towards wisdom and maturity is the realisation that we come to this world alone, live alone in the deepest core of our being and leave this world alone.
The most personal, intense emotions, be it happiness, or pain or misery can never be shared.
Only a man in suffering knows what that pain is, and can never share it with anybody however close.
When a person wins an olympic gold medal, that joy can never be shared, not even be imagined how it is like, by others.
For self realisation, for a person to grow, to be lonely, to be with oneself is essential. It is not tragic. It need not be feared.
One who has experienced the joy of being with onelself, the joy of silence in being alone (not just physically), knows how valuable it is.
The true relaxation comes only when there is no burden of emotions brought about by relationships.

[goodsense]

People share pain for many reasons - e.g. when it doesn't match their strength or when they need to expose it for the benefit of society. There are different degrees of pain and people are also at different levels of growth in dealing with pain as they are with attachments.

The older and more experienced you are, the greater the "capacity" is expected to be.

[a.ratchasi]

Excellent, Shekhar!

[pavalamani pragasam]

A sublime state of detachment-"thaamarai ilai thanneer"="the water on the lotus leaf". The capacity hear the sound of silence in the midst of din & chaos. Comes with practice, auto-suggestion, out of well-lived, full life!

[gaddeswarup]

These things may vary from region to region, but here is an interesting study from Europe:
http://www.samachar.com/showurl.htm?rurl=http://www.hindustantimes.com/news/181_1636422,00050003.htm?headline=Marriage,~sex~fa tal~for~women

[dev]

Talking about loneliness...

The greatest and the wisest people in History of mankind, were lonely without attachments. Buddha, Christ, Bahubali, Gandhi, Einstein......

Perhaps the first step towards wisdom and maturity is the realisation that we come to this world alone, live alone in the deepest core of our being and leave this world alone.
The most personal, intense emotions, be it happiness, or pain or misery can never be shared.
Only a man in suffering knows what that pain is, and can never share it with anybody however close.
When a person wins an olympic gold medal, that joy can never be shared, not even be imagined how it is like, by others.
For self realisation, for a person to grow, to be lonely, to be with oneself is essential. It is not tragic. It need not be feared.
One who has experienced the joy of being with onelself, the joy of silence in being alone (not just physically), knows how valuable it is.
The true relaxation comes only when there is no burden of emotions brought about by relationships.

:clap: :clap: :clap:...

[goodsense]

Please see my long post of today in this thread - A shame (pavalamani pragasam)

Goodsense.

[r_o_j_a]

could be due to the demanding nature of indian society

.. one needs to be fair & lovely, look like pretty zinta , have a phd , doctor , money , dowry

[goodsense]

Something is "malign" here. I met one very dark guy from India in 2003. We were talking about marriage and while he was complaining how Norh Indians discriminate against South, he contradicted himself when he said to me "Girls should be fair". When I go to weddings, I can hear whispers around when the groom arrives, "Oh he is a bit too dark for the bride" (if the bride is fair skinned). Yet we hear the cries of Indians for character, tradition and all such good things. How often do we get all in one package?

We has lost of discussions about this fair skin thing in a thread in the old hub.

Even if you are dark and poor, there is a match although I don't think I quite fit the category of variables you listed and if I fit some, it's certainly not inherent.

If I had to satisfy those criteria you listed, I think I am happier staying alone :wink: I don't think he is worth it or deserves me. I would certainly "feel" my self-worth staying alone :D

[goodsense]

Met one guy recently (knew him from a few months back) and I discussed some of these points - why men are so interested in flesh (though a small% of women do too when they meet a man) when they meet a woman. He responded "Do you expect them to be with the woman like brother and sister"? :lol: I couldn't find an appropriate response for him.

[Lambretta]

Met one guy recently (knew him from a few months back) and I discussed some of these points - why men are so interested in flesh (though a small% of women do too when they meet a man) when they meet a woman. He responded "Do you expect them to be with the woman like brother and sister"? :lol: I couldn't find an appropriate response for him.
:roll: Hmm.......
Well, stirclty speaking, u meay be aware tat in our culture, married couples r supposed to be pretty much like brother & sister once they've been married for sum time (like, sumtime after 35) & once ther kids start growing.....this is w/ the intention of eventually giving up ther cravings for flesh/physical satisfaction & see ther relationship w/ each other in a more subtle way wich wud strengthen the bond between them in later years.....
Of course, woefully, ppl. here hardly believe this nowadays....talk to them abt this & most of them wud laugh it off! This the age of viagra & 'sex-life' renewals even for 40 odd yr olds! :roll: :huh:

[pavalamani pragasam]

I suspect if you got it correctly, Lambretta!

[goodsense]

Yes, I think Shyam missed the point.

[Lambretta]

could be due to the demanding nature of indian society

.. one needs to be fair & lovely, look like pretty zinta , have a phd , doctor , money , dowry
Well, no, not all of these r the demands of Indian society....:)
& its not like they exist only in Indian society......these (barring the dowry bit) r considered benchmarks for women even in the West.......chek out the posts by me & pp ma'm in this page:

http://forumhub.mayyam.com/hub/viewtopic.php?t=2248&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=510

GS, PP ma'm, um.....wat point do u say I missed btw? :?

Btw, GS, to revert to ur qsn. to the point, if u've read books like "Why men dont listen, women cant read maps", men in general tend to be drawn more towards flesh wen they see women bcos their physiological set-up is designed tat way.....wich is not the case w. women....:)
However, showing deliberate interest in the same & pursuing it willingly is, I'd say, another thing! :)

[goodsense]

Shyam,

Talking about being brother and sister at age 35/40 is talking about those who traditionally get married at puberty. Those times have long changed. You have to be consistent in revising those ways.

[goodsense]

[tscii:69930d7921]Unlike India, while some people of North and South Indian descent, live together in communities and most have had intermarriages, some didn't have such intermarriages. To make this long story short, my first proposal came from a guy who is from a Punjabi Family (extremely fair skinned people) with surname Singh. Imagine his parents and my grandparents were neighbors and got along very well. After the proposal - when he came and met my parents and revealed his intentions, his family became very unhappy. They claimed I am too dark and had a big fight with the guy. He knew me since I was small and from temple and small school days and I knew the girls who liked him. He was very attractive and good looking, but we never spoke to each other. I was asked once by one girl to take to him a valentine's card and although I had kind a liked him then, I was so silly, I still took the card. When he met my parents I was amazed that he knew of all my qualities which he related to them in my presence, starting by saying since he knew me …….(too embarrassed to say the great things he said about me :oops: ) and that of all the girls he knew, I am his first choice. Due to the behavior of the family, I refused the offer. Grandparents have a way of thinking as they said to me then, when you refuse your first offer, it never goes right again. I didn't know that the true reason why the family disagreed is that they had plans for him to marry the daughter of one of the sisters, so she can come abroad. After that business marriage dissolved, he then married another girl from his own clan, selected by his family. By then we had lost touch completely and I didn't really care to know about him. The marriage turned out to be rotten; they fight so often and she goes away. The family regrets so much that we didn't get married. Good thing is, we live in different countries. On my last visit to my country a few months ago to attend the funeral of my dad's sister, discussions about the family came up one night as to why I am still not married. Someone asked me if I want to meet the sister who is living just two houses away. I replied "No way, I don't want to see those people". I later found out that her daughter-in-law was right there when I made those statements and she went back and told her mother-in-law (the sister of the guy who made the proposal). I was very happy that after so many years, I had the chance for them to hear my mind. I was so young then when the rest happened, but had the sense to know it was going to be a mistake with that family and skin colour. My parents didn't have to tell me anything.

I feel like my whole life story is now on forum, but what can I do, there are so many threads and post on this very forum about fair and dark skinned people and how they are looked upon in Indian Culture, that nothing can be escaped. Also, this is not the first time I told this story although it went to the wrong public ear when my conversation was video recorded without me knowing.

There is nothing to feel embarrassed about either when our history has shaped our lives in such a way that there are no secrets and we are not even certain about what we should and shouldn't be responsible for and to what extent. And may be this is the best time for me to say this, now that most hubbers here are enlightened about our history.

My background being half South and half North, I think I would have the same problems with someone from India where Intermarriage between North and South is unheard of. There are many Indian men (from both North and Sough of India) around where I live presently. I am even older than some of them which should be obvious, but they still want to date me, talking about my eyes and my appearance is still attractive despite being older. I ignore them cause I know it's a dead end street. They don't know why I am like this and I don't think they even need to know.

So being alone is secondary to me. I some how got through those days/years when I yearned for love and marriage. Those times were occupied by pursuing studies and making other achievements. Thank God for endowing me with Ambition, Strength, Perseverance etc. Now its time to enjoy/reap the benefits for what I stayed single for. I would be robbed on both ends if I decide otherwise at this stage :wink:

I hope my story would be an eye opener for some people :( [/tscii:69930d7921]

[NM]

GS : you sound very much like me here... :D


They claimed I am too dark and had a big fight with the guy. Yup, i had a fair share of that coming my way too :twisted: And to make matters worse, some of the guys were dark skinned too but the mothers were the picky ones :twisted:



Grandparents have a way of thinking as they said to me then, when you refuse your first offer, it never goes right again. Strange how this belief stays with the indians even tho' we live so far apart! My first came when I was 17, just after my O levels. Mom refused, asked the guy to wait, if he can, cos' I was very much into studies. The guy's family can't wait...too bad..
:P

I replied "No way, I don't want to see those people". I later found out that here daughter-in-law was right there when I made those statements and she went back and told her mother-in-law (the sister of the guy who made the proposal). Good on you! :thumbsup: and this :poke: is for them! :lol:


I am even older than some of them which should be obvious, but they still want to date me, talking about my eyes and my appearance is stll attractive despite being older. I ignore them cause I know it's a dead end street. They don't know why I am like this and I don't think they even need to know. Good for you! :D


So being alone is secondary to me. I some how got through those days/years when I yearned for love and marriage. Those times were occupied by pursuing studies and making other achievements. Exactly - that's what I did!!! Happy with all the achievements I've done over the years! No regrets. Done everything that I can do for my parents and brothers. I've got no guilty consciousness.


That God for endowing me with Ambition, Strength, Perseverance etc. Now its time to enjoy/reap the benefits for what I stayed single for. Yup..that's what I told my mom n dad when they started getting worried to see my age increasing with no 'young' man in the horizon! Believe me, convincing my parents not to worry about the possibility of me remaining single for the rest of my life was no small thing!


I would be robbed on both ends if I decide otherwise at this stage That's what I thought..until ...last April, I took my parents for a holiday in Australia, met a very nice guy, he proposed in May, we got married in Sept and here I am now..in the OZ land..happily married....Never believed such a thing could happen but it happened! So, you never know, the man of your dreams might be just there waiting for the right moment to bump into you and whisk you off to a romantic wonderland! :D :D


I hope my story would be an eye opener for some people I do hope my story will be an eye opener to you... :lol: :D all in good faith, of course.. :wink:

[goodsense]

NM wrote:

"I do hope my story will be an eye opener to you... :lol: :D all in good faith, of course.. :wink: "

To be quite honest, I have lost interest in marriage, companion and the rest. When the thought comes, you should be in a corner to see the look on my face :wink: :(

[NM]

GS : what can I say :huh: I left it to GOD..if it's meant to happen it will.... :wink:

[crazy]

I hope my story would be an eye opener for some people :( [/tscii]

Hi goodsense akka(if its ok, iam calling u akka)
i just read trough this tread and others! but i don't exactly get the point at last, do u mean that u r recommending us to seize ur days or to stay single.
I always have this weird idea of living alone as a perfect(ideal) life! Well iam just 19, but it will be ok to ask for advcise! what do u think?

[Fire111999]

[tscii:d75c4af3db]So being alone is secondary to me. I some how got through those days/years when I yearned for love and marriage. Those times were occupied by pursuing studies and making other achievements. Thank God for endowing me with Ambition, Strength, Perseverance etc. Now its time to enjoy/reap the benefits for what I stayed single for. I would be robbed on both ends if I decide otherwise at this stage :wink:

I hope my story would be an eye opener for some people :( [/tscii:d75c4af3db]

so you did yearn for love and marriage right? so are u saying pple should or shouldn't get married?

[Fire111999]

I hope my story would be an eye opener for some people :( [/tscii]

Hi goodsense akka(if its ok, iam calling u akka)
i just read trough this tread and others! but i don't exactly get the point at last, do u mean that u r recommending us to seize ur days or to stay single.
I always have this weird idea of living alone as a perfect(ideal) life! Well iam just 19, but it will be ok to ask for advcise! what do u think?

exactly what i don't understand myself!

[great]

so you did yearn for love and marriage right? so are u saying pple should or shouldn't get married?

Thee, its up to the individual whether to marry or not and how comfortable they are staying alone . Companionship is not a big deal you can have good friends and enjoy life. IMO during the early days or say early 40s ppl may think that they can lead life with out marriage but they would/might feel that they could have married during lates 50s

[Fire111999]

so you did yearn for love and marriage right? so are u saying pple should or shouldn't get married?

Thee, its up to the individual whether to marry or not and how comfortable they are staying alone . Companionship is not a big deal you can have good friends and enjoy life. IMO during the early days or say early 40s ppl may think that they can lead life with out marriage but they would/might feel that they could have married during lates 50s

yeah, i agree that it is up to the individual. even if goodsense recommends to me that i should stay single, i don't think i'll change my mind. and i don't think i could change her mind. probably just help her analyse her mind better and understand herself better and decide for herself what she wants.

and i strongly feel that friends cannot provide the same sort of companionship that marriage can give.

digr: what does IMO stand for? i have come across it so many times, but keep forgetting to ask!

[goodsense]

:lol: What have I opened myself to in now having to answer to two female teenagers!

I meant the whole story. Pick out the facts and see what I went through and the outcome. I am not saying to stay single. How can I go about telling all young women to stay single?

[Fire111999]

:lol: What have I opened myself to in now having to answer to two female teenagers!

I meant the whole story. Pick out the facts and see what I went through and the outcome. I am not saying to stay single. How can I go about telling all young women to stay single?

ok ok. but we were just picking out what was relevant to this thread abt why women stary single etc.

i don't really want to comment abt your life, so i'll just leave that.

[goodsense]

Yes Crazy, you are allowed to call me akka if it so pleases you. :)

[ssanjinika]

Thee - you are young ,give yourself another 3-4 years time before you decide what kind of life partner you want :)
GS - Im sorry youve had bad experiences in the marriage mart..but please keep your mind open and your hopes up.You never know when love will knock on your door :thumbsup:

[goodsense]

SS,

One can become so frightended after all this, that even if love comes knocking on your door, you may pretend as if you haven't heard it :(

[Fire111999]

Thee - you are young ,give yourself another 3-4 years time before you decide what kind of life partner you want :)
GS - Im sorry youve had bad experiences in the marriage mart..but please keep your mind open and your hopes up.You never know when love will knock on your door :thumbsup:

what? but i didn't say anything abt deciding what kind of life partner i wanted. if ever i said anything, it'd only have been that i wouldn't remain single!

[crazy]

:lol: What have I opened myself to in now having to answer to two female teenagers!

I meant the whole story. Pick out the facts and see what I went through and the outcome. I am not saying to stay single. How can I go about telling all young women to stay single?

hm then i need a lots of good words, thats why iam going trought all these topics! anyway its all good for me :)

[goodsense]

Sorry, Crazy, but I didn't mean it in that way.

Your experience may not be my experience. Half of our experiences are shaped by our history that follows us. This is why I can openly discuss certain issues having established such history. Only certain people have difficulty with it and I am lead to belive it's out of the need for defence. So I am least bothered.

I am always willing to share my good and bad experiences for others to learn from, though at times I feel it is not a good idea :?

[swarna]

knock knock...

can i interrupt... I have seen few single people, at 40s who keeps saying that they are alone and there is nobody else for them.... But if you go tell them that their decision of being single is wrong they will not agree that..

What does that mean??

[goodsense]

Of course you can interrupt, depends on what kind :roll:

Seems like you came up with a theory, why wait, spill it out. And how relevant is it to women of various ages who stay alone?

[swarna]

No, my doubt about the single women is, Do they really enjoy being single after a age of 40s?

[great]

No, my doubt about the single women is, Do they really enjoy being single after a age of 40s?

Opinion differs !!!

[r_o_j_a]

Why Women Stay Alone - Is It A Good Or Bad Thing?

maybe they never found their MR right.
mayb they don't want to get married

it is neither a good thing or bad thing . it is simply "survival of the fittest"

[crazy]

Sorry, Crazy, but I didn't mean it in that way.

Your experience may not be my experience. Half of our experiences are shaped by our history that follows us. This is why I can openly discuss certain issues having established such history. Only certain people have difficulty with it and I am lead to belive it's out of the need for defence. So I am least bothered.

I am always willing to share my good and bad experiences for others to learn from, though at times I feel it is not a good idea :?

yeah u r right! anyway i appriciate ur openess, iam not kind of that girl, not b'coz iam afraid that ppl will laugh at me, but sometimes its hell of a job to explain ppl, even if i does i have a feelings like ppl dont understands me!

[goodsense]

Crazy wrote:

"sometimes its hell of a job to explain ppl, even if i does i have a feelings like ppl dont understands me!"

I know exactly what you mean and feel obliged to support you reflecting on my self. How can anyone understand a female teenager at the highest degree of innocence and no kind of past who has been dissapointed. By the time they realize how you feel its too late by which time they have already added to your sorrows by making fun or using it against you at their convenicence etc. :evil: :twisted:

[Shekhar]

No, my doubt about the single women is, Do they really enjoy being single after a age of 40s?

It depends on whether they are single full time or part time!! :wink: :)

[great]

No, my doubt about the single women is, Do they really enjoy being single after a age of 40s?

It depends on whether they are single full time or part time!! :wink: :) :lol: :lol:

[Sanguine Sridhar]

No, my doubt about the single women is, Do they really enjoy being single after a age of 40s?

It depends on whether they are single full time or part time!! :wink: :)

:rotfl: :twisted:

[crazy]

Crazy wrote:

"sometimes its hell of a job to explain ppl, even if i does i have a feelings like ppl dont understands me!"

I know exactly what you mean and feel obliged to support you reflecting on my self. How can anyone understand a female teenager at the highest degree of innocence and no kind of past who has been dissapointed. By the time they realize how you feel its too late by which time they have already added to your sorrows by making fun or using it against you at their convenicence etc. :evil: :twisted:

yes that's true!

[phil]

goodsense your back to the main stream hub from the Guyana thread :lol:

[phil]

goodsense your back to the main stream hub from the Guyana thread. Guyana thread enna aachi? :lol:

[goodsense]

Don't know what you are trying to say Phil. But felt a bit uncomfortable when I saw two of your post elsewhere this morning as to the possible origin of saree and about all traditional clothes in other cultures. May be I am wrong to think or feel like this, but it's because of my experience including recent ones on this forum. I hope I haven't offended you, but that is truly how I felt. May be it has to do too, with you being an infrequent hubber. It takes time to trust hubbers.

But I can see many reasons in the Guyana thread that relates to this thread - that cause a woman like me to be alone.

The closest thing I selected is that song about "Lilawattie". Only that my reason (see above) for refusing my potential groom is different. Here is the Lilawattie song (about the Essequibo girl) from the Guyana thread:

http://www.terrygajraj.com/albums/guybaboo.html

And yes, we are both from the same village and I was a teenager at the time of proposal and refusal.

[goodsense]

Well surely some men find it "so sad to stay alone" :wink: Listen to the song - "take the ribbon" .....

http://www.terrygajraj.com/albums/sweetlove.html

I told one guy I know some weeks back that I have this thread running - why women stay alone. I heard some chuckling in his voice - I think he found it funny :lol2:

[Hulkster]

Talking about women staying alone.....I have a 39 yr old friend who has sworn upon herself of no marriage till her death after a relationship debacle(The guy was interested in her body only and she had loved him alot). Despite my advice that self destructing wunt bring her any good and the good things about marriage, she has been strong in her views and remains one footed.

This also brings to my view that marriage is not really a necessity, it only matters to those who want to share their lives with another person whom they adore and if you insist on experiencing life yourself, Why not? So actually a woman staying alone is nothing of a problem...only thing is she must be able to ward off these sexual predators who prey upon lonely women.

[goodsense]

Hulkster,

You are so right in what you said. The song itself is saying that he wants to spend the night, not the years - there is no commitment.

I came across all sorts of men, the faces of some that shows straight away what they are after, but that only came with some experience. I hate such guys.

There is another set that is genuine, but not right.

Some others just good as friends or acquaintances, but some of them can put pressure for the wrong thing if they get the chance -depends on where you are with them - could be even going for a walk.

The only decent set of men I met, was in my earlier years in Canada. Many have changed location or got married while I was abroad. I took too long to get in touch, no wonder five years later when I was looking through directories including medical and dental ones, I could not locate any. I locate one, but.... and I left it as that. Then I looked at the whole thingand found I was not in real love with any of them, just that interest came from those ends and at the time I was not ready to pursue any. I wanted to complete studies.

[Hulkster]

Goodsense even if you want to marry..or choose to prove to the world you can earn and live alone happily....my support is with you :thumbsup:. The thing about guys is they do not leave woman alone even if they can do it by themselves, the society pressurizes them and it sometimes can be too drastic. I mean certain guys and not all.

Well those encounters seem to be faint infatuations and nothing else...if not the urge of marriage would have come with the presence of love within you...since there is no such thoughts...there wunt be any urges of marriage in you then.

Seri ungalai support penaal varusham varushama 1000 dollars kodakkanum...wokayva? :D

[Hulkster]

btw i meant the experiences with the decent fellas you met...antha dubakore pasanga ellei.

[goodsense]

Hulkster,

Thanks so much for your support and encouragement. I wish I had people like you are around me (I mean to support and encourage me). It seems not only do you respect women, but you also have a good understanding of them.

One thing I missed, is after all that I said in my last post, I tried the Indian Marriage matrimonial site in early 2002. The emails sent and received were distorted to put any potential partner against me and prevent and positive outcome. I have this posted in the old hub somewhere. The people who did this (peope from UK), did it in good knowledge of most things I mentioned above. You are new here, you may not understand, but I have to post it for completeness.

If ever I change my mind, it wouldn't be because of any big effort on my part, given what I have been through.

That song - "take the ribbon from you hair" sang by Terry Gagraj, is an English song. He sings to meet the demands of other sects of the community in my country and elsewhere. And it's the same Terry Gagraj who sang "Lilawattie" with marriage commitment with an Indian female :wink:

[goodsense]

One more thing Hulkster. What was happening in the emails relating to the matrimonial site, corresponded to some things happening (by white person and I explained elsewhere why) on old forum against us people - to say we have lost culture :shock: :shock: :evil: . Realizing this, I was forced to close the account of the matrimonial site middle to late 2003. So all that was a wasted effort and only left with frustrations (refer to old hub). :( :(

I told the story about the guy home and my earlier years in Canada once and was shocked how it was distorted and used :shock: :evil:

The guy from home is only a few years older than myself and his family still had alot of control over him, in particular the sister who had sponsored the parents and younger ones like him abroad. She said he has to listen to her :evil:

So sometimes even if you have people around you, you would be reluctant to discuss these things. It's easier to do so on the hub. Don't know if this makes any sense.

[Hulkster]

Goodsense there is no wrong in opening your heart out in the hub about such matters. It is our part as hubbers to not only enjoy laughing but to also listen to the pain and sorrow of others.

I dunnot support matrimonial arrangement but to say that we have lost culture as the reason for conning you on the matrimonial website is dumb by those fellas. Either they tried to con you hoping you will never be accepted by any man or they were plain saddistic.
Vidunga goodsense madam, you know how to lead your life and that is already good, whether these people think they have conned is their own thoughts and thats where it will end for them.

Has it happened to any other Indians before? Appadi nadanthichina avanga vaayilae kolkattai bomb poduraen.

[goodsense]

Hulkster,

With respect to your question - has it happened to any other Indians before? I would say only if there is suspicion that someone or people have interest in blocking a possible marriage while setting you up to slander your character at the same time, hoping to use it against you even. I know in the villages these things happen, but not to this extent or with such range of reasons behind it. I don't know of any particular case. But did not expect it to happen on the matrimonial site :shock: . The people who did this and why it was done has been reported and when I closed the account, I gave my reasons for doing so.

All I know, those buckets of tears I shed over the years didn't go un-noticed. These people "who caused" it, will pay :evil: :evil: :evil: . There is no justification for giving a double (then people expect me to love English people?) - dose of poison to someone over a period of time.

They succeeded at the matrimonial site because they had access to my email account :cry: How they got access, is posted on old hub. No need to repeat here.

[Hulkster]

Goodsense yes they must be punished..but they must realise the consequences of the actions and the hurt caused by it..thandanai oruthanai thiruthanum..azhikka kudaathu. Hope this fellas reform from their criminal acts and not do this again.

Goodsense your bucket of tears reflect upon many incidents of woman i have seen and heard of......just goes to show how woman are being mistreated...yeppo kaneer tsunami aga potho,yenukkae theriyalae.

[bingleguy]

hi hulk n goodsense ! enna kaara saaramaana pechu nadakkudhu inga ?! naanum varalaama ?

[Hulkster]

Vanthaachi leh....oru kai podunga ullarae (mangatta ellei....intha topicai sonnein) :D

[bingleguy]

kai podarathukku enna matter nnu theriya vendaamaa ? indha topic e enakku puriyala ... edhukku girls thaniya irukkaanga ? eppo irukkanga ?

[Hulkster]

We are discussing if a girl staying alone is good as in is she able to live her life singularly without any man's help? We are also discussing in what circumstances do girls usually live their life alone and what are the difficulties they might face if they choose to live singularly.

[Hulkster]

You can post your views on this and maybe tell us of any girls who are living life singularly too.

[bingleguy]

Well ... these days women can live without anybodys help ! ys .... they earn, they spend ! they work, they are bold n they survive challenges ... so for obvious reasons they can survive alone !

the possibility of a girl choosing her life to be working / at home is open to her ! but for a guy, probably he doesnt have any other choice but to work ;-)

Probably till a day which comes like an earning girl who needs an all time instrument with her n says "Honey, work for me" :lol: guys have to choose to work to earn !

[Hulkster]

:lol: Also goes to show marriage is not compulsory and more of both male and female's decisions. only the elders will make it a big issue saying how come no vaarisu...vamsam thodaruma? and all that stuff

[bingleguy]

but there is a point in it Hulk !

when u want to call urself a part of a Generation ... we have to give birth to generations .... as of date ... we need a man n a woman for that ! (i dnt wish to refer test tube baby here)

[goodsense]

Hi BingleGuy!

[Hulkster]

Well continuing generations is not really necessary unless you happen to be the only descendant of that generation....some generations have about 100 descendants so it is not really the end.

[bingleguy]

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Hi goodsense

[Fire111999]

Well ... these days women can live without anybodys help ! ys .... they earn, they spend ! they work, they are bold n they survive challenges ... so for obvious reasons they can survive alone !

the possibility of a girl choosing her life to be working / at home is open to her ! but for a guy, probably he doesnt have any other choice but to work ;-)

Probably till a day which comes like an earning girl who needs an all time instrument with her n says "Honey, work for me" :lol: guys have to choose to work to earn !

what does this mean?

[bingleguy]

Hi Fire ... how r u today ?

lunch saaptutu vandhu solren ! marupadiyum padichu paarunga ... full padichu paarunga ... ungalukke puriyum ... :lol:

[crazy]

Probably till a day which comes like an earning girl who needs an all time instrument with her n says "Honey, work for me" :lol: guys have to choose to work to earn !
:lol: :lol: :lol:
seems like guys r intrested in discussing why women stay alone these days than girls!hmmmmmmm

[Hulkster]

Crazy we mean staying alone a valkei pura thaniyaga vaalvethu. We are showing interest cos we do know women are strong enough to stay by themselves and live their dreams but how they face this challenges and what are the effects possibly positive and negative are our interests.

Girls staying alone pennuruthu nallatha pochi...enimel veliyae vanthu sight adikka thevai ellei..:lol:

[bingleguy]

:lol: Crazy Chellam .... girls mattum pesi theerra vishayama idhu ? ;-)

[crazy]

bg and hulkster!
i think iam getting bored of myself! i dont know to judge myself and iam coming here and answering/taking part in discussion seems so stupid!
there is only one thing i can say, which we all saying again and again! YES, WOMEN CAN STAY ALONE! there is nothing further to discuss!
i gonna keep my self out of these topics!(not b'coz of anyone of u, its b'coz of me).
later in my life, if i could make my dreams possible(god should be with me) then i will come and write how i made myself living/staying alone! untill then bye :wave: and have wonderful chat/discussions and days!

[Hulkster]

Yemma crazy raasathi...dunt go yet...you dunt really have to judge yourself as a girl and then relate yourself to what is being sade in the topic...100 people have 100 opinions and you cant judge yourselves based on that...we create threads hoping people post their opinions and we discuss them to see if they are credible...but NO judging as that is a wrong thing to do and can hurt your characterisation in a way...neenga unga views koduthaal poduma...ungalai pathi judge pennathaenge..athu oru periya tappu

[bingleguy]

hulk ... crazy ponnu appadithaan ... vittudunga .... Crazy chellam ... hulk sonna madiri 100 per 100 opinion solluvaanga ... unnoda manasula enna pattudho adhai dhaaraalama sollalaam

[Hulkster]

Paavam...avangalai yaaro rombo disturb pennirupaanga opinion kodukkum bothu...athaans....enna manasulo varatho paatunnu solli takkanu paarunga...

[crazy]

Yemma crazy raasathi...dunt go yet...
neenga unga views koduthaal poduma...ungalai pathi judge pennathaenge..athu oru periya tappu

hulkster thambi its so fun u call me that way(keep calling)
ja hulkster i dont know whether i have made myself clear to u. iam not kind of person giving advise and not following. instaed of talking and writing i wish to make myself as a better person. u might have seen trough those topics why.........alone/ ethic .......women/abortion and all. i dont know where i stand, then how could i be able to say what i feel/think?!
and beside i dont have any more views, thats why i said i am leaving! :wink: :cry: :? :) :( :o :roll: :twisted: :x :shock: :D (i dont even know which emotions fits here)

[Hulkster]

Hmms best of luck in your reformation then :thumbsup:...but you must not feel too down because you cant give advice....advice kodukiravan vida advice paarkamal nallathu yethu keithuthu therinthavan thaan better...:thumbsup: :)

[crazy]

Hmms best of luck in your reformation then :thumbsup:...but you must not feel too down because you cant give advice....advice kodukiravan vida advice paarkamal nallathu yethu keithuthu therinthavan thaan better...:thumbsup: :)
no im not afraid of advising...........its just i feel like i had enough and i dont know last 2 days iam not feeling well( :?: b'coz, never mind)

[bingleguy]

adengappa !

[crazy]

adengappa !

hi bg unga per enn vasantha? enakku sollave illa :x :cry:
athu seri edhukku indha adengappa??????????????

[goodsense]

Bingleguy,

What was all that laughing out loud about on page 11 the other night? Wanted to know and didn't feel like asking then.