International marriages

[Alana]

I`d like to ask the members of the forum what do they think about a growing number of international or mixed marriages (please do not mention religion or caste issues). I have noticed the negative or at best sceptical attitude ( mostly among Asians) towards such unions here in Europe... What about your part of the world?

Thank you!

[Anesh]

Well in my country we live with various different cultures and belief.It is norm we see mixed marriages. Well to some it is still an oddity but it has become a norm.It has been a trend in this past decade that at least a member of a family has had an inter-racial marriage.
To me it is kind of cool if we are looking at enlarging the gene pool. But in the long run it might briong closer the boundaries of cultuyre. But the progenies of this unions will be lost of an actual identity because of their mixed culture and the significance of certain cultures will be lost.

[lordstanher]

But the progenies of this unions will be lost of an actual identity because of their mixed culture and the significance of certain cultures will be lost.

Tats also true......or only the culture of one of the parents wud be given importance.......

[Alana]

I think that loss of identity, loss of main cultural traditions will happen anyway, esp. in western countries.

[sivajayan]

My Mom a "tambram" and my Dad is Dutch-German. They are still married for 40 years, still living together and never been separated.

Could be that you loose some cultural traditions but you gain much more! Now I got the interest to learn more about India because it is the right time. We are from Enschede, The Netherlands and we used to visit our german grandparents every fortnight or atleast once a month. As my mother's family (India) did not accept the marriage and was excluded we the children were not that much interested in India. Since my Mom left India(1965) she was never there once again.

[Alana]

My Mom a "tambram" and my Dad is Dutch-German. They are still married for 40 years, still living together and never been separated.

Could be that you loose some cultural traditions but you gain much more! Now I got the interest to learn more about India because it is the right time. We are from Enschede, The Netherlands and we used to visit our german grandparents every fortnight or atleast once a month. As my mother's family (India) did not accept the marriage and was excluded we the children were not that much interested in India. Since my Mom left India(1965) she was never there once again.

Do you go everywhere I go? :wink:

You wrote about your Indian relatives, it is a common example... & that was exactly what i wanted to discuss in this topic. I have noticed that most of the Europeans are more tolerant to mixed marriages. A couple of years ago i heard that in Norway a old lady hung herself publicly.. that was her revenge to a son who planed to marry a local girl... i was shocked..

[nirosha sen]

:shock: Norwegian hanged herself because the son married a local girl???? Doesn't it make the girl, a Norwegian too?????!!! :roll:

So, um.....where is the foreign adulteration of their pure-bred Nordic blood????? :wink:

[sivajayan]

Do you go everywhere I go? :wink: Is it bad or do you start to like me? :roll:


... I have noticed that most of the Europeans are more tolerant to mixed marriages. I think this is because of the world wars I guess. But there are also enough other examples. The hatred towards foreigners and/or religions back my thoughts too.
But you are right saying that europeans are more tolerant.


A couple of years ago i heard that in Norway a old lady hung herself publicly.. that was her revenge to a son who planed to marry a local girl... i was shocked..Is it true that lovers also commit suicide because they lack of support by their families?

[ssanjinika]

SV:
In quite a few of your posts you have made your views of "Indians" pretty clear.Its obvious that you consider yourself an "European" and think "Indians" are way down the ladder.IMO when a child of intercultural marriage puts one culture down while accepting the other wholeheartedly,there is obviously some discrepency.If both the partners were able to integrate their cultures into their lives then the child also would be able to accept/appreciate both the cultures equally.

[sivajayan]

even me makes mistakes! poor boy :sad:

[Alana]

:shock: Norwegian hanged herself because the son married a local girl???? Doesn't it make the girl, a Norwegian too?????!!! :roll:

So, um.....where is the foreign adulteration of their pure-bred Nordic blood????? :wink:

Sorry, i forgot to mention that is was a Tamil lady. She hung herself on the tree in front of her house. One does not have to accept, but to commit suicide is not a solution..

[sivajayan]

SV:
In quite a few of your posts you have made your views of "Indians" pretty clear.Its obvious that you consider yourself an "European" and think "Indians" are way down the ladder.IMO when a child of intercultural marriage puts one culture down while accepting the other wholeheartedly,there is obviously some discrepency.If both the partners were able to integrate their cultures into their lives then the child also would be able to accept/appreciate both the cultures equally.

I am sorry if you have this impression. I am only opposing to that India is Great, Hiduism is greater topics only. As there is 4ex. this yoga thread in the History section!

As you know India is the mother of all civilisations! Nothing compares to India!

Satisfied?

And by the way, this is neither a dutch nor a german forum! And you don't know how I am there!

[Alana]

Is it bad or do you start to like me? :roll:
Well, since you are here, I`ll say ( write, pardonne moi :wink: ) that you have a good sense of humor & i was smiling (& feeling sorry at the same time) reading some of you posts, but what part of my first post annoyed you that much?


A couple of years ago i heard that in Norway a old lady hung herself publicly.. that was her revenge to a son who planed to marry a local girl... i was shocked..
sivajayan wrote:

Is it true that lovers also commit suicide because they lack of support by their families?I think they commit suicide because it is the only way to stay together even if it is "another world", that lady just wanted to made her son feel guilty, to make him miserable..

[sivajayan]

Is it bad or do you start to like me? :roll:
Well, since you are here, I`ll say ( write, pardonne moi :wink: ) that you have a good sense of humor & i was smiling (& feeling sorry at the same time) reading some of you posts, but what part of my first post annoyed you that much?

It is the Land of The Aryans that draged me there, nothing else!

write :thumbsup:

Ladies have a nice day! I am going to my girlfriend (not indian) with some Idiappam and Dahl and flesh, sothi and some shorteats (Home made). A german TV is going to transmit about Indian cooking, indian behaviour and an indian movie today in an hour time. See you!

[Alana]

Don` be, if you translated the name of my place it is really called the Land of Aryans. May be later I`l tell you where it is..

[Querida]

Hey just want to say here it's like every seventh couple...though that does not mean everyone is fine with it....as Canadian you get alot of people who are already hyphenated (italian-irish, scottish-french, russian-british etc. ) and they have also had to get over family issues of reluctance of such unions...but people seem to have more of an issue with the union of visible (colour-wise :roll: ) races....even in my sociology class they have studies showing that people who have more in common are more likely to stay together ( i seriously think they got to badly update their research :| )....but it is a challenge to marry someone (or have a serious relationship) with someone who is from the very same "background" as you not to mention all the stupid status divisions people artifically implant.. :banghead: ahem anyways...if you both love each other isn't that the most crucial "common" thing to have between you two? :D and besides now the trend of phobia has changed to "Oh God please let them bring someone of the opposite sex atleast!" : :P

[sivajayan]

"Oh God please let them bring someone of the opposite sex atleast!" : :P:lol: What are we doing to our parents? What else more to come? :lol:
Even this will change sooner or later. The californians did not succeed in this matter because of the other Austrian sitting on the chair. The first governed the 3rd Deutsche Reich. The one in California, the Terminator, is Schwarzenegger. Beware of Austrians!



Don` be, if you translated the name of my place it is really called the Land of Aryans. May be later I`l tell you where it is..
In Iran. The owner of a kiosk in my neighbourhood is an Iranian and his son is named Aria. He told me that.

[sivajayan]

SV:
In quite a few of your posts you have made your views of "Indians" pretty clear.Its obvious that you consider yourself an "European" and think "Indians" are way down the ladder.IMO when a child of intercultural marriage puts one culture down while accepting the other wholeheartedly,there is obviously some discrepency.If both the partners were able to integrate their cultures into their lives then the child also would be able to accept/appreciate both the cultures equally.

I am sorry if you have this impression. I am only opposing to that India is Great, Hiduism is greater topics only. As there is 4ex. this yoga thread in the History section!

As you know India is the mother of all civilisations! Nothing compares to India!

Satisfied?

And by the way, this is neither a dutch nor a german forum! And you don't know how I am there!

Is this a pinch or a punch, ssanjinika? :lol:

[Alana]

In Iran. The owner of a kiosk in my neighbourhood is an Iranian and his son is named Aria. He told me that.
No, though 70%of Iranians are of Aryan origin.

Querida wrote

now the trend of phobia has changed to "Oh God please let them bring someone of the opposite sex atleast!"
:D

[nirosha sen]

Alana - Is your avatar Gina Lollobrigida???? La Lollo herself, by any chance????

I'm guessing your land of the Aryans to be Italy, Pa!! :wink:

[Alana]

Alana - Is your avatar Gina Lollobrigida???? La Lollo herself, by any chance????

I'm guessing your land of the Aryans to be Italy, Pa!! :wink:

Ciao!
You know, i didn`t think of that, but this avatar (it`s a drawing) does really look like Gina! Perhaps the avatar`s creator was inspired by this beauty..http://www.lollobrigida.de/ginaII/images/Gina_gross.jpg Just look at her, Gina`s looks are so international, she could easily be Indian or Mexican..
No, Italians, Germans, Scandinavians & others who use the term "aryan" has in fact nothing to do with them.. (it`s just a fairytale Hitler made up... ) My ancestors start their long way from India, through the ages their they managed to keep their old religion, traditions.. it is an interesting topic, but not for this forum... i am also related to the Tamil people (Sri Lanka), i can cook Tamil food, my understanding of Tamil is good( when people speak slowly :) , but i have problems with writing & reading in Tamil. So as you see, i try to learn more about literature, culture, people...

Ciao bella! :wink:

[nirosha sen]

Oh, so not Italian, huh???? :) Okay, Singhalese is my next guess!! Although the ones I know don't understand much Tamil!! :wink:

[Sandeep]

What Nirosha this way you will cover the whole world before you find the 'The land of Aryans'. Iran would have been the best bet for "The land of the Aryans", but that have been ruled out only Alana can help us.

[Alana]

Dear Nirosha sen & Sandeep,
almost all of us prefer to stay anonymous here, for what ever reason people choose nick names, hide their e-mail addresses & even location... & just like the majority i don`t wish to meet anyone who can recognize me :oops: , esp. my Tamil relatives :) , please understand & i hope we can still continue the discussion on mixed marriages. Thanks!
_____
Here is one story i`d like to share with you..In one European country lived to Tamil brothers, both were not married . The elder brother (let`s call him Siva) had a girlfriend (let`s call her Anna), a local girl with a wind in her head & also much younger. After some time the younger brother (let`s call him Prem)has found out that the girl was pregnant, he was very upset & many times tried to persuade her to make an abortion, she refused. After the baby was born( a beautiful boy). Siva, girlfriend & baby moved to Prem who lived in a big house. After a year & a half Anna met another man & decided to move to his place. She couldn`t take care of a child & for some time the baby lived with Siva & Prem. Siva was working a lot (he was very fond of money), & Prem took a good care of his nephew. Anna lived, she visited the boy, he visited her, but it was not a mother-child relationship. The boy became very frustrated, one could see it from the way he behaved. After a year Prem married a Tamil lady, she was not comfortable with a fact that Prem was caring a lot for his brother`s child. She used to say that a boy has a mother & it is not her duty to take care of this boy. Siva has bought a house of his own & moved there with his son, some months later he married a Tamil lady. People said she disliked the child & did not treat him well. Child`s mother, Anna, got a new baby with her new boyfriend & moved to another country. The boy continued to live with his father & a stepmother. Prem became a father himself, he was still worried about his little nephew, but the wife was jealous, i think she didn`t like the boy.. For 2-3 years Sivas new wife couldn`t get pregnant & the boy continued to live with them, but after the pregnancy came Siva asked Anna to come & take the boy. Perhaps it is better for him, who needs an abusive stepmother. The relationship between to brothers has changed, prem never accepted that Siva`s behaviour towards his child were never the same after the married, he was asked not to interfere..
He was also angry with his parents who never accepted a boy & even gave wrong advises to Siva`s wife. During their visit to the country they refused to meet their grandson. I don`t know what the future will bring to this beautiful but very unhappy boy whose mother often brings new men into her house & a father who betrayed his trust..

[Alan]

Hmmmmmmm.........Even though your grammar is not so good, you narrate well.
Nice theme for an Indian movie!
:yawn:

[Sandeep]

I dont think it has anything to do with race. Its only human selfishness (from the part of the parents of the boy) thats the problem.

The condition of any child whose parents live apart is always sad. The difficulties are simple added with parents going for new spouses.

[Alana]

Hmmmmmmm.........Even though your grammar is not so good, you narrate well.
Nice theme for an Indian movie!
:yawn:

Sorry, we don`t speak English here. I write fast & forget all about tenses..
The theme is nice, but unfortunately it is a reality. I know that both wives spend a lot of time in front of the TV scree watching sentimental Indian soap operas & crying... meaningless.

[Alana]

I dont think it has anything to do with race. Its only human selfishness (from the part of the parents of the boy) thats the problem.

The condition of any child whose parents live apart is always sad. The difficulties are simple added with parents going for new spouses.

I think both. It is very sad to watch how marriage can change one. One can`t consider a child as a mistake.
I have witnessed several situations like that... & noticed that Tamil people often hide behind culture & traditions ( like Siva`s parents), but easily call the others "racists"..

[abbydoss1969]

I dont think it has anything to do with race. Its only human selfishness (from the part of the parents of the boy) thats the problem.

The condition of any child whose parents live apart is always sad. The difficulties are simple added with parents going for new spouses.

I think both. It is very sad to watch how marriage can change one. One can`t consider a child as a mistake.
I have witnessed several situations like that... & noticed that Tamil people often hide behind culture & traditions ( like Siva`s parents), but easily call the others "racists"..

The situation you narrated could have happened anywhere in the world. but you seem to think it is peculiar to tamil people!

[Alana]

abbydoss1969 wrote

The situation you narrated could have happened anywhere in the world. but you seem to think it is peculiar to tamil people!

Since i am related to the Tamil people & "live" in a Tamil community it is easier for me to see what is happening there. I am more interested in what people think about mixed marriages in a Tamil society, not in the rest of the world.
Thank you!

[Querida]

Well Alana I too come from a tamil community per se.....but if i have learned anything it is how easy it is to be ethnocentric...we see problems everywhere but we have a tendency to overemphasize the ones that concern our culture because we have a connection to it...it is wrong to be racist but stereotyping doesn't help either. I agree with Abbydoss..it could happen anywhere...it is good to have intentions to make Our* (meaning whatever culture concerns us) better but it is not wise to only isolate certain (even if prevalent events) to only our community.... please consider looking at people as individuals with their own personalities than lumping your example of utterly selfish people with many good people of both cultures concerned. (oh and don't worry about grammar we could never fully express our thoughts if we are a slave to our editor always...as long as you convey meaning in an understandable manner...which is more than well done by you :D

I will say that every marriage is a mixed marriage...you are not marrying another that is you (but just less better looking than you :P...joking). No two people are totally alike...and no one can guarentee that those two totally alike people would be the ideal couple...a marriage takes love, work and commitment whatever culture you are from. From my own experience I have seen work or break regardless of race (though they are more at risk because of the influences of close-minded individuals)

[ssanjinika]

Alana..your story has nothing todo with race.Here in the US I see it happening day in and day out.The ultimate losers are the children who grow up to be vagrants and thieves.Hopefully because it was a tamil lady she just stopped with verbal abuse.

[Querida]

[quote="ssanjinika"]Alana..your story has nothing todo with race.Here in the US I see it happening day in and day out.The ultimate losers are the children who grow up to be vagrants and thieves.Hopefully because it was a tamil lady she just stopped with verbal abuse.[quote]

ssanjinka, i commend you for your two comments but your last comment sadly contradicts your previous ones. :( Just because she's tamil she stopped at verbal abuse? Let's just hope that just because she has a slightly more prickling conscience than any other abuser she stopped with her still unjust acts.

[ssanjinika]

Querida : Let me clarify..
Looking at all the galatta in TN about Kushboo's speech my feeling is tamilians still feel odd discussing/thinking about sex.
(I just posted something rather harsh in that thread :P)
In US I see/hear a lot of cases where children are sexually abused.Since such a hoopla was made about something some actress said and since tamilians are considered to be more conservative in this aspect,id just hoped that such sexual abuse did not take place.
Though I agree my post was not correct.I should have said that there should not be any physical/verbal abuse.It would have been better to give the boy up for adoption.

[Alan]

Yes, Alana's Story has to do with Mixed Marriages. Do u think an Indian mother would leave her kid like that? For Indians, bonds & relationships are greater. A mother would leave her child only in extreme cases of poverty or when she is forced to. Not out of choice. So, this has happened because of a mixed marriage. Foreigners have no such bonds, when it comes to relationships.

[Querida]

thus illustrating the effects of close-mindedness :? Alan seriously do you read others' comments before making your own comments (which of course you are fully entitled to convey)?
i think i must very sadly disagree...not all orphans (Indian included) are the product of your suggested situations...

according to your logic (as i understand it) indian mothers are also more likely of only showing love to own their children and have no consideration for other children....even if the children are totally innocent of the situation they are born into?

[Querida]

Querida : Let me clarify..
Looking at all the galatta in TN about Kushboo's speech my feeling is tamilians still feel odd discussing/thinking about sex.
(I just posted something rather harsh in that thread :P)
In US I see/hear a lot of cases where children are sexually abused.Since such a hoopla was made about something some actress said and since tamilians are considered to be more conservative in this aspect,id just hoped that such sexual abuse did not take place.
Though I agree my post was not correct.I should have said that there should not be any physical/verbal abuse.It would have been better to give the boy up for adoption.

ah yes the hoopla was for the parts i read were quite dramatic if not at best sensical...anyways thank you for clarifying :)

[stranger]

Do u think an Indian mother would leave her kid like that?

Our mothers are different from today Indian mothers!

They care more about themselves and their comfort than their children in general!

So, which kind of mother you mean?!

The one spent all her time to bring you up or the one leaving the kids with baby-sitter and having a "ladies night out"??? :roll:

[nirosha sen]

abbydoss1969 wrote

The situation you narrated could have happened anywhere in the world. but you seem to think it is peculiar to tamil people!

Since i am related to the Tamil people & "live" in a Tamil community it is easier for me to see what is happening there. I am more interested in what people think about mixed marriages in a Tamil society, not in the rest of the world.
Thank you!

I think what's happened here is quite simply, shame! Shame that the child in question was born out of wedlock and raised by the two brothers. It's obvious when it was just the men and the boy, things were hunky dory, but when the evil women came in, the situation changed.

Obviously, there was no pride in raising a "mistake" her husband made, so child suffers as he keeps reminding the step-mother and aunt of a previous folly!!

Vicious and cruel women these!! :twisted:

[stranger]

Since i am related to the Tamil people & "live" in a Tamil community it is easier for me to see what is happening there. I am more interested in what people think about mixed marriages in a Tamil society, not in the rest of the world.

Tamils think just like the rest of the world does. There are good bad and ugly people in Tamil community just like the rest of the world. Tamils have a spectrum of opinion about mixed marriages just like the rest of the world.

* How are you related to thamizh comminity?!

* neenga thamizharA?

* thamizhthaan ungaL thaay mozhiyA?

* ungaLukku ezhutha padikka theriyumA, thamizhil?!

[Alana]

Tamils think just like the rest of the world does. There are good bad and ugly people in Tamil community just like the rest of the world. Tamils have a spectrum of opinion about mixed marriages just like the rest of the world.

* How are you related to thamizh comminity?!

* neenga thamizhar?

* thamizhthaan ungaL thaay mozhiyA?

* ungaLukku ezhutha padikka theriyumA, thamizhil?!

What a funny fallow is this stranger :D ! He wants to know "how" & straight after "are you (sorry, am i)".. no dear, i am related, how? try to find out by yourself if you are that curious :roll: (but please keep my mother out. o.k?).. & yes - theriyum, theriyum :wink:

"What did you write about Indian Mothers? Aren`t they just like the rest of the world? There good or bad mothers in any country just like the rest of the world..." You see how easy it is?!

P.S. Next time.. Jaffna Tamil , plz ( we foreigners understand it better!)

[stranger]

What a funny fallow is this stranger !

Really?!

U r funnier! :rotfl:

[Alana]

Querida i enjoyed reading you post, one can easily see that you are a wise & nice person.. & you English is perfect! Unfortunately, in this particular case race is the main problem. I can`t post all the details, but Nirosha sen is right, after the father got married the boy was treated like a mistake & they did everything to get rid of him. He was such a sweet little angel & today he is a very angry & frustrated child.. & i know how he feels when people ask him "where do you come from?" just like i am use to answer the questions like in the previous post. In Canada, America & even England.. it is different, but here one gets very confused..
We also have many mixed marriages between locals & Latinos, Vietnamese, Africans.. most of them prefer to marry, not just to have a girlfriend & a child. Hope you understand what i mean. :cry: It is o.k. to have a relationship if you need one, but why to bring a child into this world if you know you can`t give him love & support & even your name... I `ve asked this questions several times, but got only one answer "i made a mistake".

[Alana]

U r funnier! :rotfl:

Always trying! :D

[stranger]

I am sure it will work one day or other! I wish you luck! :)

"muyarchi thruvinaiyaakkum" :)

[Alana]

I am sure it will work one day or other! I wish you luck! :)

"muyarchi thruvinaiyaakkum" :)

I hope so. Thank you & good luck to you too! :)

[nirosha sen]

All said and done, I still think it's not so much being Tamil but quite simply jealous of the child's existence! There are lots of women who cannot accept children from previous relationships, and it's just unfortunate that the two men ended up with such implacable, conservative women!!

Did these two women come, fresh off the boat, to the West, Alana????? How old is the child, now?????

[a.ratchasi]

I wonder why the Tamizh dweeb married the other male Tamizh dweeb knowing that he's a father of a child.

Perhaps, she is one of the threadmark tamizh ladies who excuses the deeds and sins of her man while cursing the other woman who has 'wrecked' her life by carrying her husband's child out of wedlock.

Oh yes, it is easier to bully and ill-treat the helpless innocent child with all the 'good-upbringing' she had, I suppose.

[ssanjinika]

Is it easier to blame a race rather than an individual I wonder.IF we are blaming races why not blame the one the mother belonged to ? Infact wont that be more apt because being a mother she left her child at the hands of some unknown woman?

[nirosha sen]

Quite frankly, I'd like to look at Indians as being the kinder race here, Pa!! That's why it's galling to read abt those two exceptional cases!!

[Alana]

"Anna" left a child with his father, & every month he received money from her. She moved with her new boyfriend to another country & at that time "Siva" wanted his child to be near him. He married later. Nobody is blaming any race ssanjinika, what i try to say is that these "mixed" children are not any different from other children, that they should be accepted by the family members from the both sides ( in this case "Anna's" family was very kind to him), most of them have identity crisis, because no matter how much love they get from their European relatives the society constantly reminds them that the color of their skin is different & here they need their fathers to tell them who they are, where do they come from.. traditions, culture, food, language.. I know one man who has got 3 children with 3 different ladies, after he married a Tamil lady & got a baby with her too. They say he is a wonderful father, but his married life is not peaceful.. I feel sorry for his wife-she is a nice lady, but she knew about his kids before she got married. His sister also lives here, but just like Siva`s parents she hasn`t except his first born,.
nirosha sen wrote

Did these two women come, fresh off the boat, to the West, Alana????? How old is the child, now?????Nirosha sen, the boy lives with his mother , he must be around 9 y.o. Yes, they came because of marriage. Both brothers don`t have much contact today.

[ssanjinika]

It goes without saying that children are often victims and they who should be treated like a priceless gift are often crushed beyond help.I dont get how a child who is totally dependent on his/her parent for everything is left to fend for themselves.ISnt there any kind of law where you live or an organization like the child services here to whom you can complain to?The father should be put in jail ,the mother should be whipped for turning blind to the plight of her child and as to what should be done to the step mother ...well its best left unsaid!

[stranger]

"Anna" left a child with his father, & every month he received money from her.

Seems like "saint anna" knows how to convert love to money?! :roll:

What kind of MOTHER she is, anyway?!

Some kind of white trash she is????

I wonder why do you make her look better than a WHITE TRASH?

There is a song:

"thaayai thErndhedukka thanthaiyai thErndukka urimai unnidaththil illai"

I feel bad for the child born for a white trash!

[stranger]

After a year & a half Anna met another man & decided to move to his place. She couldn`t take care of a child &

Why???

Because She cant have fun with the new boyfriend???

she could not take care of the HER OWN CHILD???

And you are blaming everybody and THAMIZH COMMUNITY but the white trash, "saint anna"???? :twisted: :twisted:

What the hell is wrong WITH YOU anyway?? :twisted: :twisted:

[a.ratchasi]

Is it easier to blame a race rather than an individual I wonder ...

If you are referring to my post:

No no...that will make me a racist which I am not.
Since the story had highlighted the Tamizhs prominently, I had used the same to make my post absurd. Boy, it was weird reading it!

Anyways, I deliberately left the girlfriend friend of the elder fellow because she was done with the boy and his father. This clearly shows the kind of woman she is. So why bother harping on it?

What irks me is the fact that the boy's father who doesn't seem to care for the well-being of the child. He could have given away the baby to a family who would cared for him as their own. Instead, he it took upon himself to keep the child and ruined the boy's life even before it took shape!

That fellow had the gall to keep the child for the years his wife was childless and sent him off after they had a child. What kind of a man is he?

On a positive note, the boy should be counted lucky as there is at least one being who loves and cares for him genuinely.

[Sandeep]

ISnt there any kind of law where you live or an organization like the child services here to whom you can complain to?The father should be put in jail ,the mother should be whipped for turning blind to the plight of her child and as to what should be done to the step mother ...well its best left unsaid!

I dont assume there is any physical hurt being caused on the child. Moreover the boy's problem is not money but emotional attachment. So what will you complain. You cannot complain that father/mother/stepmother dont love enough. Even if the child welfare department finds neglect from the part of parents the only thing they can do is to take forcefull custody of the child. Will that anyway help?

[malsi]

are we drifting away from the original topic ?..

[Sandeep]

Seems like "saint anna" knows how to convert love to money?!
What kind of MOTHER she is, anyway?!
Some kind of white trash she is????
I wonder why do you make her look better than a WHITE TRASH?
There is a song:
"thaayai thErndhedukka thanthaiyai thErndukka urimai unnidaththil illai"
I feel bad for the child born for a white trash!




Why???
Because She cant have fun with the new boyfriend???
she could not take care of the HER OWN CHILD???
And you are blaming everybody and THAMIZH COMMUNITY but the white trash, "saint anna"????
What the hell is wrong WITH YOU anyway??


Its simple. The western culture doesn't have (and they don't claim) the family bonding that we easterners (including tamils) claim we have. If we claim higher family attachment naturally you have to display it in practice.

While Anna may not be saint but considering her cultural background what she did was only natural. While what the father and his family are doing is wrong based on their racial and cultural background (they being tamil, the international custodians of morality)

Though I has first posted that this nothing to do with race, it somehow seems it has something to do with it.


are we drifting away from the original topic ?..

Hey the topic is about international marraige and we are discussing about the problems of a child born out of it. Think thats within the topic. Right ? :)

[ssanjinika]

Its simple. The western culture doesn't have (and they don't claim) the family bonding that we easterners (including tamils) claim we have. If we claim higher family attachment naturally you have to display it in practice.


I strongly oppose that statement.I dont think its true.I live in Maryland USA and see that parents are as attached to their children as people from any other part of the universe.Down south its even more so..Its only that after 18 the children are treated as adults and are asked to be responsible for themselves.It does not mean that the children are asked to fund their college education themselves or they are allowed to do what ever they want!!!Its just preparing them for their future.. almost a part of their education

[ssanjinika]

AR:

I absolutely did not mean you but thanx for clarifying anyways :)

[stranger]

I strongly oppose that statement.I dont think its true.I live in Maryland USA and see that parents are as attached to their children as people

Sandeep:

There are innumerable woderful white-mothers I have seen.
Some of my friends moms are no less than my mom.

BTW, Anna does not have to be a white. She could be an african race too which has not been made clear.

I just used "the term" to differentiate from "our race".

What bothers me is, she had an option of having that child killed (aborted) and it was anna who wanted the baby and not her spouse.
In that case, she should be more responsible than the "dad".

If she is too busy looking for a new boyfriend every year, why did she need a CHILD??? :twisted:

[Alana]

stranger wrote:

What the hell is wrong WITH YOU anyway??

I wonder why do you make her look better than a WHITE TRASH?

Stranger,are you still trying to be funny or what..?!
I described "Anna" as a person with "a wind in her head", i have not respect what so ever for this lady, but please, be more careful when you call somebody for trash, because you can find it every where & in in any color you like. And please tell me, how do i make her look better??? As i `ve written earlier "Siva" was very fond of money & still is, to give a child to a mother means to pay a child support money every month- he had a very well paid job & as you know the more you earn the more you pay.. he didn`t want that. He also knew that "Anna " will not take a good care of him, but he did during the first time, before his wife came. Take it easy, it it not about who is right & who is wrong, it is about acceptance.. the problem is that nobody needs him. Today he is living with his mother, i don`t think he is excepted by her boyfriends either, but her parents, her sister`s family are good to the boy. And Stranger, make up your mind, one day you wish me luck, the next day you ask "what the hell is wrong with" me.., so before you blame next time, ask.. & i will answer, comprendo ?

ssanjinika wrote:

It goes without saying that children are often victims and they who should be treated like a priceless gift are often crushed beyond help.I dont get how a child who is totally dependent on his/her parent for everything is left to fend for themselves.ISnt there any kind of law where you live or an organization like the child services here to whom you can complain to?The father should be put in jail ,the mother should be whipped for turning blind to the plight of her child and as to what should be done to the step mother ...well its best left unsaid!

When the younger brother found out that the child`s stepmother "moved" his room from the first floor to the basement ( & it is very cold during winter time)floor (sorry, don`t know how you call it in English), he was very angry & wanted to call child service, but something stopped him. Here everyday police & child services get a lot of calls from the children of different backgrounds, but this boy was too young to complain... For 2 or 3 years "Siva" & his wife could not get pregnant, during this time she tolerated the child somehow, but later she just asked to send him to his mother, because he "Irritated" her, this was her word.

[stranger]

And please tell me, how do i make her look better???.

* I have noticed the negative or at best sceptical attitude ( mostly among Asians) towards such unions here in Europe... What about your part of the world?

HERE U R BLAMING the Asian community instead of SAINT ANNA


* I have witnessed several situations like that... & noticed that Tamil people often hide behind culture & traditions ( like Siva`s parents), but easily call the others "racists"..

Here again U Spport Saint Anna and blaming Tamil community!


The PROBLEM and CULPRIT here is BIMBO ANNA!

It is as simple as that!

I think you are giving a "false color" and "misdirecting" and "misguiding" and "misleading" the Problem instead of BLAMING the BIMBO ANNA. :twisted: :twisted:


* I think it is fair to disclose the "RACE" of ANNA to make it as a TWO_WAY STREET".

* Why did you ONLY disclose the "SHIVA" and "PREM"'s RACE and NOT disclosing ANNA's race here????

* Why are you only showing the "Tamil race" is the problem here and HIDING the race of "SAINT ANNA" who is SO IRRESPONSIBLE and looking for a NEW BOYFRIEND every YEAR?????????????????

[ssanjinika]

Again the sole reasons for the childs unhappiness is/are the father,mother and to a certain extent the uncle.
If a father can keep quite while seeing his child abused dosent deserve the child.This is in no way related to intercaste or interracial relationship.I am sure that even if the mother(ex girlfriend in question) had been another tamizh lady the child would have been abused.ITs just that some people are small minded and a few others choose their wives/husbands,girlfriends/boyfriends over their children.It is definitely a pathetic situation.

[Alana]

Well stranger... very, very bad manners, let me remind you "Members should post consistent with "normal writing", i.e. users should not post excessive emoticons, large, small or coloured text, etc. Similarly users should avoid excessive SHOUTING or use of exclamation marks (e.g. ! and ?) in topic titles or posts." Thank you!

You know, i told my friend ( a full blooded Tamil lady) that i want to ask people what do they think about mixed marriages ( mostly among Tamil & people of other races). She smiled & advised me to take a Tamil nick name & never mention that i am related to Tamil, because she knew that i am going to meet someone like you, you know such people are evrywhere).. & look what you are doing... you don`t care about the problems "mixed" children are facing almost every day, you are very busy by questening me .. how many things you want to know at the saim time" am I a Tamil? is Tamil my mother-language, can i read & write? how am i related:.?.."
Well know you know i can understand, read & write, i even told you i prefer Jaffna Tamil (next time you want to ask something again). Don`t you see what you are doing? I took a look at some of you massages & was glad to see that i am not the only one, this must be you way of communicate with people.

Perhaps you don`t know the meaning of the word "blame".. I don`t think a support anyone & I definitely don`t blame anyone, i just say what i think, so before you write.. think next time! :wink:

[Alana]

ssanjinika
why do you think the grandparents don`t want to hear about this child & refused to meet him during their visit to Europe? I know from "Prem" that several times they advised to the "New" wife not to except the "white child" ( today Prem does not have contact with them, i even saw him crying saying "he can not believe how cruel his society can be, many time he asked his friend to explain to his wife how important the boy was for him , so that she will allow him to take care of him). This child is not the only one.. why when i hear that someone has a "white" girlfriend or wife, child most of the people disapprove it & when they divorce people say " he thought he was better than us, he should think before he married her.."

[stranger]

Anna's friend!

You have NOT ANSWERED my question yet.

I know there are moderators reading the posts. You dont have to remind me about "rules of the hub".

Don't do it next time please. :evil:

AND IT IS YOU who Brought up TAMIL RACE at the first PLACE!

So you are covering your friend and blaming the TAMILS for HER being a BAD MOTHER!

You think everybody here is a bunch of morons to believe YOU and your FABRICATED STORY of your friend SAINT ANNA huh??? :P

[Alana]

What a desperate person you must be! So now i am "a friend" :shock: !
You know, i am not going to prove anything to you, people who follow this topic know what i say, so please do not put words into my mouth.
I can`t understand why do you behave this way, perhaps there is a similar problem in you family.
This will be my last post addressed to you - you lack culture & good manners, my friend. Thank you.

[stranger]

They should not allow people like you who INSULT my Tamil RACE.

It is a shame, they let you tell all your garbage and insult all my fellow tamil brothers and sisters for DEFENDING some low characters like Anna!

[ssanjinika]

I refuse to believe that the fact that the father is a tamilian is important here.We are no better nor worse than any other culture in the world!!
We have a similer situation in our family.My uncle (my fathers own brother)when studying in England met and fell in love with an english lady.Due to family circumstances he had to return to India and she did not want to leave England.Time went onn and my uncle married my aunt later.After 30 years one fine day this young gentleman turns up at our house(we were a joint family then)and informs my uncle that he was his son.You could probably not imagine our suprise.But once we got over the suprise there was nothing else but joy to see the eldest child in the current generation.The whole family (including my aunt) accepted him totally and he joins us for family weddings and social gatherings whenever he can(he resides in England).My aunts take on this was "hey it happened before I even came into the picture" and I know for a fact that my uncle would have loved to have a hand in raising the boy.
As for the grandparents all I can say is that they are small minded people.It again has nothing doto with race and interracial children.And what about the brother isnt he tamil too??If he is able to accept an interracial child dosent it show that its an individual's preogative?

[Alana]

As for the grandparents all I can say is that they are small minded people.It again has nothing doto with race and interracial children.And what about the brother isnt he tamil too??If he is able to accept an interracial child dosent it show that its an individual's preogative?

ssanjinika
I think the important is the fact that the majority of the people behave the same way they do. Not all, but most of them. If this child was a Tamil child they would accept him & take care of him, but not treat him as a mistake. Is it a shame to be biracial? Is it a shame to have a biracial child? I am very glad for your uncle & his son, but next time you are going to meet your cousin please ask him how did he feel for 30 years, perhaps this will make you to understand my point better.

[Alana]

Sandeep wrote

While Anna may not be saint but considering her cultural background what she did was only natural. While what the father and his family are doing is wrong based on their racial and cultural background (they being tamil, the international custodians of morality)

Though I has first posted that this nothing to do with race, it somehow seems it has something to do with it.

Good or bad mothers are everywhere, but "Anna" was not a mother, maybe now.. but not at that time. Like most of the western girls ( most, but not all) she wanted something different, exotica, she was very young wanted to have fun, play "a family" & you see what has happened.
Time is changing & unfortunately people accept this kind of behaviour ( every society has + & - , in this country we have plenty of+, but situations like this one is a big-).
Perhaps you know that here after 18 years of age young people do whatever they want, & families can`t interfere... i think it is very wrong, but for this society natural.

You are talking about wrong behaviour of the father & his family based on their cultural background... that what i was trying to say when i said that i noticed that many Tamil people hide behind culture & traditions.. I know because this happened in my family.. One can`t say one thing & do another. This family goes to Temple every Friday, celebrate holidays, meet with their friends, love their new child, but nobody ask them about the boy, not family, not friends, nobody, because it is taboo..as you said "it somehow seems it has something to do with it", unfortunately.

[stranger]

I can`t understand why do you behave this way, perhaps there is a similar problem in *you family.* Thank you.

You are SPECULATING about my family now?!

If I were you, I would not do that.


-----------------------------------------

And tell me, why cant you tell AnnA's race?????

I dont understand why?

Do you think all tamils here are not civilized enough?????

What are you afraid of????

* You dont care to explain the whole famil HISTORY and interpersonal relations of SHIVA.

* But you are SO CAREFUL about giving any data about ANNA' race!

In your words, it is inter-racial marriage or relationship

We are talking about SIVA (Tamil) and ANNA ( what race???)

* Siva belongs to Tamil race and he and his family are brutes and yet to grow up! Fine!

* What about AnnA???

* What community she belongs to???

* Does she have a family (father and mother)???

* Why cant AnnA's family help taking care of that Child???

* Are they kind human beings and very civilized unlike the idiotic tamil family???

* Please tell more about the "fictional character" AnnA!!!!!

Thank you very much! :)

[Alana]

:roll: Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. :roll:
Martin Luther King, Jr.
*****************



*******************
I found an interesting article "Mixed Marriages" from the "Hinduism Today". According to the rules we can`t discuss religion aspects so please let us not, but i hope you`ll find this article interesting.
http://www.vivaaha.org/ht_mixed_marriage1.htm

[gaddeswarup]

Alana,
I have not been following this topic closely. I come from a traditional family in coastal Andhra. One of my daughters married an Anglo-Indian and another is living with an American. So far, I did not encounter any serious problems. Children still visit us every week. Are there problems in Europe because of more serious language differences?
Swarup

[pavalamani pragasam]

:roll: A lady who encounters "what" happened before she entered the scene, a whole 30 years later compared with a girl who encounters very "pleasant" leftovers right at the time of her entering the scene :roll: :roll: :roll:

Waiting for proper answers to stranger's most relevant, sensible, pertinent questions :roll:

[dev]

Waiting for proper answers to stranger's most relevant, sensible, pertinent questions :roll:

Very true... Alana, If U speak abt something, pls let us know both sides of the story... I refrained from commenting in this thread coz I felt that U have some very strong beliefs based on a few instances U've seen & U just expect ppl to acknowledge your belief... U rn't ready to listen to or scrutinize any counter-facts... & as Stranger has said, the story is one sided...

Anyways,if this will be of any use for ur survey... I am a Tamil... & I've seen a few very successful mixed marriages in our family circle... & the families too accepted those marriages...


Perhaps you know that here after 18 years of age young people do whatever they want, & families can`t interfere... i think it is very wrong, but for this society natural.

i noticed that many Tamil people hide behind culture & traditions..

U r able to accept western culture though U know it is wrong...But U say that Tamils hide behind culture & traditions... Very funny!!!...

[NOV]

What is the point of this thread?

[dev]

I don't think it serves anything useful...

[pavalamani pragasam]

I second dev's opinion!

[Alana]

dev wrote


Very true... Alana, If U speak abt something, pls let us know both sides of the story... I refrained from commenting in this thread coz I felt that U have some very strong beliefs based on a few instances U've seen & U just expect ppl to acknowledge your belief... U rn't ready to listen to or scrutinize any counter-facts... & as Stranger has said, the story is one sided...
Dev,
first of all please take a look how many times Stranger edited his/hers post, questions came mush later, but insults & threats (which were edited several times) came first.

The story is not one sided, you can noticed it by reading my posts.

dev wrote

Anyways,if this will be of any use for ur survey... I am a Tamil... & I've seen a few very successful mixed marriages in our family circle... & the families too accepted those marriages...

Well, i can`t call myself 100% Tamil as you do, but i have also seen a few marriages with a "happy end", unfortunately only a few...

dev wrote

U r able to accept western culture though U know it is wrong...But U say that Tamils hide behind culture & traditions... Very funny!!!...

Did i say i accept?

Yes, i still think so, & not only Tamils.. People come to West in search of better life, somehow they have to adjust to the Western life stile, to a different culture, but not all of them can... so they live with one thought to earn money & to return back home. Money & career are the firsts priorities here..
But time goes, children are born, they grew up in a different culture...nothing can stay the same..
If you want "your" child to be"O.K" you have to be honest with him/her. "You" can`t teach you child Hinduism & at the same time work at the fish or chicken factory & kill the animals... "You" can`t talk about the greatness of Tamil language, but not take time to teach you child how to read & to write & speak proper Tamil. "You" can`t force you child to have an arrange marriage or to marry one of you own, because you live in a society where human rights come before culture & traditions & you knew it before "you" came here.. so we win & loose at the same time, Dev.

dev wrote

I don't think it serves anything useful...
Well, i think it does, perhaps not for you, but for some people it does.
I have also noticed that you, Dev, did not understand the main point here, it is good you don`t see the things i see, but it doesn`t mean they don`t exist. The point here is not who is wrong or right, father or mother, i have no respect for both of them, what is wrong is the family that didn`t except & protect the child, & I repeat this family is not the only one, come to Europe & you`ll see plenty of examples, but only if you want to notice them.

Thank you.
*********
gaddeswarup wrote

Alana,
I have not been following this topic closely. I come from a traditional family in coastal Andhra. One of my daughters married an Anglo-Indian and another is living with an American. So far, I did not encounter any serious problems. Children still visit us every week. Are there problems in Europe because of more serious language differences?
Swarup

Hi,
i think all together: culture, traditions,religion, race, language. The author of the article "Mix Marriages" also mentions all these aspects.
Let me also wish all the best to you & your family!
Kind regards,
A.

[Alana]

What is the point of this thread?
dev wrote

I don't think it serves anything useful...

pavalamani pragasam wrote

I second dev's opinion!
pavalamani pragasam wrote "A shame"

Where are we going? What is happening to our society? Who is responsible for this degeneration of our youth? Is it not time some steps were taken to curb the unlicensed vulgarity in the silver screen? Our impressionable youth are perhaps not ready yet to digest global liberty standards.
Well, it is your right to find this thread not so useful, but if you take a closer look at it.., it raises up the same questions you "Shame" does , but the location are different. The question is one "How could they? Don` t they know beter...?"
The same "shame"...


"In rural India, it's still taboo. Outside India, everyone is getting used to it. Visionaries laud it as the making of a multi-ethnic, golden race that will bring peace to the planet. Some of your closest friends have done it and everybody gossips about it-mixed marriages. By all estimates, it will only increase. Slowly, awkwardly, Hindu society is facing it and finding it's a lot healthier to talk about it and positively adjust to it when it happens, rather than hide it, fight it or ignore it. This begins our three-part series. "
"Hinduism Today".

[NOV]

I still don't see a point in this thread....

Yes, there is a problem. There are many irresponsible people in this world. But why is this a Tamil (and now Hindu?) problem?

I'd like to assume that you have not explained yourself clearly, and not .....

[Alana]

I still don't see a point in this thread....

Yes, there is a problem. There are many irresponsible people in this world. But why is this a Tamil (and now Hindu?) problem?

I'd like to assume that you have not explained yourself clearly, and not .....

If you don`t... it was not ignored.. but i don`t think it will be discussed longer - some people don`t really care for the problem itself & try to find things that do not even exist..
I think you have answered your own question - there is a problem & it very actual among the Tamils in Europe. Perhaps it is different in Malaysia
Hindu? No, you misunderstood, it is the name of the magazine the article is taken from, you know, the one called "Mixed marriages", not .."Hindu". Thank you.

[dev]

The story is not one sided, you can noticed it by reading my posts.


Well, how many ever times I read the story, I don't find as many facts & figures abt Anna & her family as U've given abt the other family...


Did i say i accept?

Didn't U mean that?... "i think it is very wrong, but for this society natural. "... I thought this is accepting the culture!!!... If U didn't mean it, I'm sorry...:huh:


so they live with one thought to earn money & to return back home. Money & career are the firsts priorities here..

I too live with the same thought... Even though we travel a lot, we don't have plans of settling abroad... Not because of the fear of our kids growing up in a different culture... It's because of the business oppor we find in India...


But time goes, children are born, they grew up in a different culture...nothing can stay the same..
If you want "your" child to be"O.K" you have to be honest with him/her. "You" can`t force you child to have an arrange marriage or to marry one of you own, because you live in a society where human rights come before culture & traditions & you knew it before "you" came here.. so we win & loose at the same time, Dev.

True...but all these happn even when someone lives in their own country... Nearly half my college mates opted for Love marriage...most of them mixed marriages(diff caste,lang etc)... Some of then got their parent's acceptance instantly... But some had to wait for 1-2 yrs to get the acceptance of their parents... & they did wait that long & now are happily married... For all of these guys, their parents were as important as anyone else... Noone can teach all these... One can understand their importance only when they think over the sufferings & sacrifices from the parents to give the kids a good life... These were abt those who did think abt all these even when they were madly in love with someone...

There are some who did marry against the wishes of their parents... Some were accepted after marriage but some weren't... As far as I'm concerned, once U take a decision to marry against ur parents wishes, don't ever EXPECT them to accept it later... They might or they might not... But once U take a decision to do it, U should know how to lead ur life without their assistance & support... Some are able to succeed in this... Their love being strong to sustain any tide in life...But unfortunately ,some aren't...

There are all these kinds of ppl...whoever it is or wherever they be...tamils or telegu or kannadigas or whoever it is...

In the story U've said, I believe the marriage wasn't accepted by the boy's family at anypoint in time... In that case, IMO, the guys should've known how to lead his life... be it being married or after divorce...But i don't see any of his decisions to have a long term vision nor was he strong enough to stand by his decision... But now he blames others for the plight of his kid... I don't think it is fair to do that... He was always in a good position to give his kid a good life... It's just that he didn't take any strong decisons for the well being of the kid...


what is wrong is the family that didn`t except & protect the child, & I repeat this family is not the only one, come to Europe & you`ll see plenty of examples, but only if you[ wantto notice them.

Here, IMO, it was an option for the family to accept the kid or not to... It is the kids parents who should've protected the kid... He didn't do it coz of his own selfishness(what else can I say...he valued money more than his own kid!!!)... But my only concern is that they could've treated the kid like any other kid... Like any other human... They needn't have shown all their hatred towards the kid...

The biggest doubt I have in this story is, Why didn't the girl's parents opt to bring up the kid themselves even after seeing the sufferings that the kid underwent???... U said they accepted this marriage,right?...

[Alana]

dev wrote

Well, how many ever times I read the story, I don't find as many facts & figures abt Anna & her family as U've given abt the other family...
I wrote what i knew about this lady, I`ve seen her several times & spoken once, so all i know is from the younger brother & his family i know, for many years now. I never thought i `ll do that - such a waist of time, but here is, i hope, everything i wrote about "Anna". One can easily drew a picture of this young lady.. perhaps you wish to know more, but as i wrote before i was only an observer..

The elder brother (let`s call him Siva) had a girlfriend (let`s call her Anna), a local girl with a wind in her head & also much younger. ...
...the baby was born( a beautiful boy). Siva, girlfriend & baby moved to Prem who lived in a big house. After a year & a half Anna met another man & decided to move to his place. She couldn`t take care of a child & for some time the baby lived with Siva & Prem....
.....Anna lived near, she visited the boy, he visited her, but it was not a mother-child relationship...
.....Child`s mother, Anna, got a new baby with her new boyfriend & moved to another country...
....in this case "Anna's" family was very kind to him...
---Today he is living with his mother, i don`t think he is excepted by her boyfriends either, but her parents, her sister`s family are good to the boy.
...Anna" left a child with his father, & every month he received money from her. She moved with her new boyfriend to another country & at that time "Siva" wanted his child to be near him.
....Siva asked Anna to come & take the boy....
...He also knew that "Anna " will not take a good care of him..
....Good or bad mothers are everywhere, but "Anna" was not a mother, maybe now.. but not at that time. Like most of the western girls ( most, but not all) she wanted something different, exotica, she was very young wanted to have fun, play "a family" & you see what has happened...

dev wrote

The biggest doubt I have in this story is, Why didn't the girl's parents opt to bring up the kid themselves even after seeing the sufferings that the kid underwent???... U said they accepted this marriage,right?...
Why her family did not take care of the child?
The child's father wanted him to grew up in a Tamil family, learn the language.. He let the child visit his grandparents, but not leave with them. I never said that the girl`s parents accepted this marriage - i wrote they accepted the child , quote "mixed" children are not any different from other children, that they should be accepted by the family members from the both sides ( in this case "Anna's" family was very kind to him), most of them have identity crisis, because no matter how much love they get from their European relatives the society constantly reminds them that the color of their skin is different & here they need their fathers to tell them who they are, where do they come from.. traditions, culture, food, language..
I don`t know the family & their reaction to the love affair, but they did not discriminate the child. "Siva" never married "Anna", they lived together, he refused marry her.
dev wrote

I too live with the same thought... Even though we travel a lot, we don't have plans of settling abroad... Not because of the fear of our kids growing up in a different culture... It's because of the business oppor we find in India...

It is different for every family. I know 5 families to tried to return to Sri Lanka, there children were from 7-15 years of age, but they all returned back - it was very difficult for the children to get used to a new country. I remember one of the fathers were very upset for a very long time, once he said" i must face it- it s my country, but my son`s country is here".

dev wrote

Didn't U mean that?... "i think it is very wrong, but for this society natural. "... I thought this is accepting the culture!!!... If U didn't mean it, I'm sorry...
Dev, "i think this is wrong" - means it is wrong for me & "but for this society natural.." - means for society ( for the native people of this country, well. most, not all :) ).

I never thought i `ll do that - such a waist of time, but here is, i hope, everything i wrote about "Anna". One can easily drew a picture of this young lady.. perhaps you wish to know more, but as i wrote before i was only an observer..

The elder brother (let`s call him Siva) had a girlfriend (let`s call her Anna), a local girl with a wind in her head & also much younger. ...
...the baby was born( a beautiful boy). Siva, girlfriend & baby moved to Prem who lived in a big house. After a year & a half Anna met another man & decided to move to his place. She couldn`t take care of a child & for some time the baby lived with Siva & Prem....
.....Anna lived near, she visited the boy, he visited her, but it was not a mother-child relationship...
.....Child`s mother, Anna, got a new baby with her new boyfriend & moved to another country...
....in this case "Anna's" family was very kind to him...
---Today he is living with his mother, i don`t think he is excepted by her boyfriends either, but her parents, her sister`s family are good to the boy.
...Anna" left a child with his father, & every month he received money from her. She moved with her new boyfriend to another country & at that time "Siva" wanted his child to be near him.
....Siva asked Anna to come & take the boy....
...He also knew that "Anna " will not take a good care of him..
....Good or bad mothers are everywhere, but "Anna" was not a mother, maybe now.. but not at that time. Like most of the western girls ( most, but not all) she wanted something different, exotica, she was very young wanted to have fun, play "a family" & you see what has happened...


dev wrote

Here, IMO, it was an option for the family to accept the kid or not to...
Of course it is up to the family to decide, but there too many families who behave the same way.. they don`t suffer, the children do.
dev wrote

It is the kids parents who should've protected the kid... He didn't do it coz of his own selfishness(what else can I say...he valued money more than his own kid!!!)...
Everybody agrees, but she was the one who was selfish, he was scared to loose his new family - they both betrayed the child.
dev wrote

But my only concern is that they could've treated the kid like any other kid... Like any other human... They needn't have shown all their hatred towards the kid...
He was a "white" child who was born outside of marriage, he was a reminder of something that shouldn` t have happened...

Sorry, i am getting tired here :)(you must be tired too, but you asked.. :D ) , but i want to remind you one more time - fot the 10 years i see too many boys, men who have such families, 90% of them are not married, but almost all of them have children. And around 90% of such unions don`t last long, both partners are responsible. Such situations are very difficult for any child & especially "mixed" children. And the only thing that helps is love & tolerance of their families & relatives.

[pavalamani pragasam]

Seems a natural consequence of "living together" culture becoming more & more popular :roll: :twisted: :cry:

[dev]

Alana,

Since this thread is abt intl marriages, I thought Anna & Siva were married...:)

Anyways, I wish Siva does something sensible to give the kid a better life... There is no point in expecting his family to accept the kid after so much happenings...

& yes, I too am tired... :wave:

[honey bee]

Seems a natural consequence of "living together" culture becoming more & more popular :roll: :twisted: :cry:
It is just the way it is, atleast here in Europe. There is nothing to cry for or against.

There was once a time here in Europe when the men had the saying also at home. But it turned, little by little, to a way where women also started thinking, working and going for goals which were beyond reachability.
Men in general had very much problems to deal with their women getting more and more independant. Especially the (Tamil)men are facing a lot of problems with "white women" because they (men) lack the same treatment of their mothers and sisters they are used to.

Unnatural mothers and fathers are everywhere. It is not a specific european problem.

When I was a young boy there was a lady called Roseakka and her business was dealing with men, mostly at nights. When her first daughter attained her ( the daughter's) virginity was sold in an auction like action I heard. This must have been somewhen in 1976-77.

This is also a Tamil family and this business is worldwide seen. If "Alana" is from Jaffna - because "SheHe" (Sivajayan named "Alana" a LOLA) prefers Jaffna Tamil - then ist is quite easy for HerHim to verify that. This family lived at a sidelane of Grussault Road (kurusoo viidhi)

[Alana]

dev wrote
Anyways, I wish Siva does something sensible to give the kid a better life... There is no point in expecting his family to accept the kid after so much happenings...


Me too :wink:
You know, dev.. since you are a moderator.. i`d like to say something. Since i came to this forum i met some hostility, first from Sivajayan who had a strong belief i was an ali, later from stranger, who was very, very ... & now this honey bee person, who also see me as an ali, really don`t know why., it look like people always try to find out if i a Tamil (though i wrote that i am related)
I am not a Tamil, but a part of me is & no matter who come to you forum , no matter what avatar & location they choose, some should be more respectful & polite. It is not nice to call a person a transvestite.. perhaps all this is the same person, but it is not the right way to communicate...
I hope as a moderator hope you could do something about that so that if one day another "related" will come to this forum will feel more comfortable..
And to honey bee i can say the same thing i told Sivajayan:
oru LOLAyalthan innoru LOLAlai kandupidikka mudiyum :wink:
i think he deserves this answer.


Good luck to all forum members! :wave:

[honey bee]

- deleted -

[stranger]

Q. Is sex before marriage a sin in Roman Catholicism?


From Jessica Steinmetz,
Your Guide to Christianity - Catholicism.
FREE Newsletter. Sign Up Now!

A. In Roman Catholicism, premarital sex is a sin. If you're having sex before you're married, you should stop. Sex was created for a husband and a wife, and having sex beforehand makes it a grave sin. Sex before marriage can cause numerous health and emotional problems.

You might be in love, but being unmarried brings on uncertainty. Don't give that bond to just anyone. Give it to your spouse.

According to Catholicism, it is that important to God that we should wait until marriage.

http://catholicism.about.com/cs/sex/f/premsexfaq.htm