Indian Jokes

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Topic started by Tamizharasan (@ wwwgate31.motorola.com) on Tue Jul 22 16:03:02 .




Hi Everyone
As we know sardar jokes are very famous in India. this thread is not to hurt anyone. this one is just for fun. Let me start with one sardar joke. You are welcome to post whatever you guys have heard. so that we can have collection of sardar jokes.

Two sardarji's named guru singh and satavan singh are travelling in a train.
Guru singh looks like typical sardarji with beard and moustache.
Unfortunately Satavan Singh does not have beard and moustache.
Guru Singh goes to sleep asking satavan singh to wake him up when Ahmedabad comes. Satavan singh is very jealous of his co traveller guru singh because he does not have beard and moustach. So while gurusingh is sleeping he takes a knife and shaves of guru singh's beard and moustache.
Before Ahmedabad's comes satavan singh goes to guru singh and wakes him up.Guru singh goes to wash basin to freshen up. But after seeing his face in the mirror he says this guy satavan singh woke up somebody else instead of me!!!!!!

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Tamizharasan
good topic and the joke was good one. Here is my contribution.

Once Zail singh was relaxing in a park. Some kids playing nearby decided to pull his leg. Walking upto him they asked him.

Sir are you relaxing? Zail singh replied, "No I am zail singh"

The kids started laughing wildly and ran off. This terribly confused Zail Singh and he decided to check it out. He walked up to a guy who was relaxing on a bench near him and asked.

Are you relaxing? the man replied "Yes why do you ask?
Zail singh answered with satisfaction, " Then those kids are probably looking for you!"

Will post more when I rememember

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Cine fan
Thanks for the response.
Here is another one.

Letter from mother to son Santa Singh. Pyare Puttar, Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow, because I know you can't read fast. We do not live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I wont be able to send you the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they would not have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I am not sure it works too well. Last week I put 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since then. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained 3 days, and the second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. We got another bill from the funeral home. It said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral, he will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting grass at the cemetery . Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle Jatinder fell in a whisky vat. Some men tried pulling him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. There is not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened. LoveMom. P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.

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Santa singh was in a hurry to reach airport. He speeded back home with a sullen face when he say the board

"AIRPORT LEFT!"

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Hi GUYS! here is something from my side:

A passerby watched two sardarjis in a park. One was digging holes and the
other was immediately filling them in again.
Tell me,' said the passerby, 'What on earth are you doing?'
Well,' said the digger,1'Usually there are three of us. I dig the hole,
Balwant plants the
tree saplings and Gurpreet fills in the hole. Today Balwant is off ill, but
that doesn't mean Gurpreet and I get the day off, does it?
================================================== ==========================

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Ivon good one

Here is another three
1. A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan,but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai" ( "he picks up the receiver and then says he is not at home" )
2. This sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
3. Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"


For those who don't understand hindi here is the explanation
//kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
//
why Sardarji? what is the matter? Why are you scared after all it is cinema. Sardar replies I know it is cinema but that animal(dinosaur) does not know it is cinema

//"kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"
//
Why are you unnecessarily keeping this (food)one with you. Sardarji says: If train comes late then I do not want to die starving

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The newlyweds, Santa and Jeeto, were suffering from exhaustion.
After an examination, their doctor advised, "It's not unusual for young people to overdo things during the first weeks of marriage. What you both need is rest. For the next month I want you to limit your sex life to those days of the week with an "R" in them. That is, Thursday, Friday and Saturday."
Since the end of the week was approaching, Santa and Jeeto had no immediate difficulty following the medico's orders. But on the first night of scheduled rest Jeeto found herself eager as a beaver.
Santa fell asleep, but she tossed and turned and finally nudged him into partial wakefulness.
Expecting daylight, and confused with the darkness, he asked, "What day is it honey?"
Jeeto looks at him with a gleam in her eyes and says, "Mondray."

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Santa and Banta were sitting in a bar getting really drunk and are talking about all sorts of things.
Santa says, "I love my wife, Jeeto, but sometimes I get bored. Tell me, have you ever thought of swapping partners? Who says you have to be with your wife and I have to be with my wife all the time!"
Banta, "Hey, that's a great idea. Let's talk to our wives and see what they think."
Each of them talks to his wife, and much to their delight Jeeto and Preeto agree to the plan.
The next morning Banta says to Santal, "How was it for you?"
Santa says, "I had a lot of fun, we should do this again."
"That's what I think," says Banta. "Let's go next door and see how our wives made out."

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Santa and his wife, Jeeto had just gone to bed for the night. Just as Santa was about to fall asleep, his wife shook him and said, "I hear someone breaking in."
At least two nights a week for twenty years Santa had gone through this. He knew that the only way he would get any rest was to go and check it out. So this time also he went out for a routine check.
When Santa entered the den he was suprised by an intruder. The man held a gun on him and continued to rob the house. As the theif was about to leave our Santa said, "You have to go and meet my wife, Jeeto."
The thief said, " Why on earth would you want me to meet your wife?"
Santa replied, "Well, she`s been expecting you for 20 years."

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Banta`s wife, Preeto, goes to England to attend a two-week, company training session. Banta drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

Preeto answers, 'Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?'

Banta laughs and says, 'An English girl !!!

Preeto kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later Banta picks her up in the airport and asks, 'So, honey, how was the trip?'

'Very good, thank you.'

'And, what happened to my present?'

'Which present?'

'What I asked for, the English girl?!'

Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if its a girl !!!

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Banta is sitting in a bar and notices two lovely women across the way.
He calls the bartender over and says, "I'd like to buy those two ladies a drink."
The bartender replies, "It won't do you any good."
Banta, with a confused look on his face says, "It doesn't matter, I want to buy those women a drink."
The bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and the ladies acknowledge the drink with a nod of their heads. About a half-hour later, Banta approaches the women and says, "I'd like to buy you two another drink."
The women both reply, "It won't do you any good."
Banta says, "I don't understand. What do you mean it won't do me any good?"
The first lady says, "We're lesbians."
Banta replies, "Lesbians? What are lesbians?"
The second woman replies, "Lesbians... We like to lick p**ussy's."
Banta says, "Bartender, three beers for us lesbians."

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Bad day!
Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, Santa was met at the door by his sobbing wife, Jeeto.
Santa asked, "What happened? Why are you crying?" Tearfully she explained, "It`s the druggist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."
Immediately Santa drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I`ll be damned if I didn`t lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone is still ringing - when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife - she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, Santa ji, I TOLD HER!"

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Preeto: There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.
Banta: You don't even know what a carburetor is. Where's the car?

Preeto: In the pool.

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Santa lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate.
The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the Inspector`s and said, "You`ve got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the Inspector.
"I don`t care, just do something about those drivers!"
So the next day he had the local workers go out and erect a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later Santa called the Inspector and said, "You`ve got to do something about these drivers. The `school crossing` sign seems to make them go faster."
So, again, he sends out the workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
And that really sped them up. So Santa called and called and called everyday for three weeks.
Finally, he asked, "Your signs are doing no good. Is it all right for me to put up my own sign?"
Inspector told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let Santa do just about anything in order to have him stop calling. Well, after that he got no more calls from Santa.
Three weeks after Santa`s last call, the Inspector decided to call him.
"How`s the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I`ve got to go. I`m very busy." And he hung up the phone. The Inspector thought to himself, "I`d better go to that farmer`s house and look at that sign... There might be something there that WE could use to slow down drivers." So hedrove out to Santa`s house, and he saw the sign. It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow letters were the words:
SLOW: NUDIST COLONY

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Santa and Banta meet in the street. Santa looked dejected and almost on the verge of tears.
Banta said, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?"
Santa said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me fifty lacs."
"That`s not bad."
"Hold on, I`m just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew died and left me twenty lacs."
"I`d like that."
"Last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost a million."
"The how come you look so glum?"
"This week - nothing!"

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Jassi singh tells his gf, "come home tomorrow, no one will b at home."

When she goes the next day to his home.......
There was NO ONE at home.




What frustrates the sardarji when his wife delivers twins???

He wonders who is the father of the second child.

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A SARDARJI is in the library , he bangs down a book and says :" too
boring, too many characters and no story.

LIBRARIAN says : oh! U r the one who took the phone directory away??

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Santa's overnight stay


Santa Singh was traveling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the Passport size photograph of his son (for college admission). Suddenly ,the photograph fell down from his pocket.He started searching for it frantically & found the same on the floor of the bus. Politely,he asked the saree clad female, standing in front of him,"Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph" The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted in a hospital.

He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next to him,in a still
worse condition. Banta started to explain his "Adventure". He had gone
to a remote village on some work & due to his high level of
intelligence, couldn't finish the work on time. He had missed the last
bus from that place. He couldn't find any Hotel. So he approached a
nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the
night.The Owner replied"I have 2 grown up daughters.Sorry,I can't allow
you to stay". He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night. The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry,I can't allow you to stay". He went towards the next house and without taking any risks,asked," Do you have "grown up" daughters?".
The Owner asked,"WHY?????????" Banta replied," I wanted to stay here for a night..... "



Santa Banta find a bomb

Santa and Banta find three hand grenades and decide to take them to the
police station. "What if one of them explodes before we get there?" asks Banta. "Don't worry about it," says Santa. "We'll just lie and tell them we only found two."

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After making a trip of South India , Santa Singh ,his wife and his son were returning to punjab in Tamilnadu Express.

SantaSingh was occupying the lower berth, his wife
the middle berth and his son the top most berth in
the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed .

When Santa and his son returned they found that a
South Indian who couldn't understand hindi had
occupied his son's berth .

Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand
Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh
explained the whole situation to him in English .
Santa Singh explained , " That man sleeping on top
of my wife is not giving birth to my child."

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Santa Singh was about to jump into a swimming pool.

Life Gaurd : Sir please don't jump into the pool right
now. There is no water in there.

Santa Singh: Thats OK! I too don't know to swim in
anycase.

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One young man went for an IAS Interview.

"When did India get independence?" He was asked."The efforts began
a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied."Who
was responsible for our independence?"."There were so many. Whom to
mention?.If I name one it will be a injustice to another."He
replied."Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"."Some
research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly
only after seeing the report" He replied.

The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful
answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others,since they

were planning to ask the same questions. When he went out naturally
others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but
one persistent Sardar would not leave him.

"At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged. Then

it was the turn of this Sardar. When he went inside, since his resume
was slightly illegible, the board member asked him."By the way, what is

your date of birth?" He replied, "The effort began a few years earlier

and final result was in 1947." Somewhat puzzled, they asked another
clarification."What is your fathers name?" He replied, "There were so
many. Whom to mention". If I name one it will be injustice to another"
The interviewer was incensed. "Hey! are you mad or what?" He replied.
"Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only

after seeing the report."

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Santa Singh and Banta Singh were sitting in a bar when Banta Singh noticed a gorgeous blonde sitting by herself in a corner. As he was getting up to talk to her the Bar Tender said, "Hey don't worry about her, She is a lesbian! ".
Banta Singh "Lesbian or no lesbian, I get all of them" and he stylishly holding his whiskey in his left hand walked to her table. Then leaping forward in a very sexy voice he said "Where exactly in Lesbia, you from?"

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good ones!

"Jassi singh tells his gf, "come home tomorrow, no one will b at home."

When she goes the next day to his home.......
There was NO ONE at home.
"<<<<<<<<<<<

:)) :)) :))

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Santa happened to participate in a competition, which was about writing the shortest story. The organizers had put a condition that a story must have four ingredients viz. religion, sex, suspense and mystery. Santa's turn came after many attempts by others. Santa gave a story, which was just one sentence and read: "Oh God, my wife is going to deliver a child". Ostensibly amused, the organizers asked Santa whether it contained all the four ingredients! Santa replied affirmatively and gave his explanation as below:

Oh God: religion; my wife: sex; going to deliver a child: suspense (whether a girl or a boy); "Okay...but where is the mystery?" asked one of the organizers.


Santa replied, "Who is the father?


Santa was declared the winner for writing the shortest story!

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Santa Singh and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The American asks Santa Singh if he'd like to play a fun game.
Santa Singh is tired, so he declines and tries
to get some sleep.

The American persists and explains that the game
is easy and a lot of fun.

He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't
know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa."
Again, Santa Singh declines. The American, now
agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the
answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the
answer, I pay you $500."

This catches Santa Singh's attention. He sits
up, yawns and agrees to play the game. The
American asks the first question:
"What's the distance
from the earth to the moon?"

Santa Singh doesn't say a word, reaches his
wallet, pulls out $5, hands it to the American.

"Okay," says the American, "Your turn."
Santa asks, "What goes up a hill with 4 legs and
comes down with 8 legs?"
and goes back to sleep. The American, totally
puzzled, takes out his laptop and searches all his references... no answer.
He taps into the air phone
with his modem and searches the Internet and the
Library of Congress...
no answer. He sends e-mails to all his friends and
co-workers... no answer.
After an hour, he wakes Santa Singh up and hands
him $500.

Santa Singh thanks him and goes back to sleep.
The American shakes Santa Singh and asks, "Well,
what's the answer?"

Without a word, Santa Singh reaches into his
purse, hands the American $5, and goes back to sleep.

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MAN ASKED GOD HOW MUCH IS THE VALUE OF US100 MILLION TO YOU.
GOD SAID ITS ABOUT I CENT FOR ME
MAN ASKED GOD HOW LONG IS 100YEARS FOR YOU
GOD SAID ITS ABOUT 1 SECOND FOR ME.
MAN SAID GOD WHY DONT YOU GIVE ME US100 MILLION ITS ONLY 1 CENT FOR YOU.
GOD SAID SURE BUT CAN YOU WAIT 1 SECOND

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JISKE DIL MEIN DARD HEIN, WOH DILDAAR HAI
JISKE DIL MEIN DARD HAI, WOH DILDAAR HAI,
JISKE SAR PE DARD HAI WOH SARDAAR HAI

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JAMES BOND AND A TELUGU GUY FLY TO NEWYORK IN A FLIGHT. TELUGU GUY TAKES THE INITIATIVE TO CONVERSE WITH BOND.
TELUGU GUY ASKS THE NAME OF BOND
BOND SAYS: BOND! JAMES BOND! JAMES BOND 007!
AND BOND ASKS TELUGU GUY'S NAME.
TELUGU GUY SAYS: PRASAD! VENKATA PRASAD!
VEERA VENKATA PRASAD! SAI VEERA VENKATA PRASAD! SRILAKSHMI SAI VEERA VENKATA PRASAD! VENKATESHWARA SRILAKSHMI SAI VEERA VENKATA PRASAD!
SRINIVASULA VENKATESHWARA SRILAKSHMI SAI VEERA VENKATA PRASAD!
RAMANJANEYULA SRINIVASULA VENKATESHWARA SRILAKSHMI SAI VEERA VENKATA PRASAD!
SITA RAMANJANEYULA SRINIVASULA VENKATESHWARA SRILAKSHMI SAI VEERA VENKATA PRASAD!

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once a sardar was going from la to bombay. he was occupying the seat just next to the world chess champion gary kasparov. kasparov challenges him for a game of chess. he declines. to persuade him kasparov says that he will play with his left hand. sardar agrees. w3ithin a minute the sardar gets defeated.
sadly the sardar presents himself before his freind sardar and and tells him about the incident.
he says"SERVES YOU RIGHT. DONT YOU KNOW KASPAROV IS A NATURAL LEFT HANDER?

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once tha theory of karl marx happens to get the attention and agreement of all the people on the earth. a law is passed which calls for the equality of everything. equality of money and land for all was not abig problem and it was achieved easily. but the problem before all the people was to establish an equality of thinking capacity that is the brain. scientists achieve a a stunning solution by devising a machine to achieve the required ends. the machine cud diminish an excellent brain & cud take a normal brain to a calculated normal thinking level. the machine was operated by a SARDARJI. once EINSTEIN VISITS his clinic to get his brain lessened. putting him in the machine the SARDAR goes to sleep. after 9 hours he is horrified to think of the condition of EINSTEIN. he rushes to him and says,"EINSTEIN JI maaf kar do. mai aapke brain ko normalcy pe le jaaonga." EINSTEIN says,"CHADD YAAR YE SAB CHALTA RETIYA HAI!

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tamizharsan
u guessed it correctly. thats wat i meant. is it not that clear?

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Banta Singh was reading that days issue of "Ajit Weekly" when the phone rings. He picks up and says, "Saat Shri Akaal!" Santa Singhs voice comes over the phone, "Sat Shri Akaal, brother. Is your fridge running?" Banta Singh replies, "Yes it is. Why?". Santa Singh says, "Better come get it. I saw it running down the street right now! Bye bye!" and hangs up.

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Akash Kumar
thanks for clarification. I was little confused with the spelling and asked it. It was good one.
Mr. Skantavel Nataraja please print your name in English as so many people here may not be able to read your name.
thanks

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Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"

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Santa singh and Banta singh were found playing chess.

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An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector . The Englishman says:
"I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
And the machine is silent.
The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Allright, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent.
The Sardarji says:
"I think...",
BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

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An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector . The Englishman says:
"I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
And the machine is silent.
The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Allright, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent.
The Sardarji says:
"I think...",
BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

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A sardarji with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."

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A Master Thief in London was giving a Coaching Class on Stealing and had students from all over the world. The Indian happened to be a Sardar. After several grueling classes on Theory came the final and decisive class of all, a practical demo. The master took all his pupils to a house nearby in the darkness of night and entered that. But by mistake he overturns a vase.
Owner : Who's that?
Master: Miaooow...
The owner is satisfied and goes back to sleep. Mission accomplished. The sardar is very impressed. Returning to Punjab, he decides to open a similar class for his fellow sardars. Does so and follows the same schedule of theory classes. Then he goes for the demo with his pupils. Enters the house of a rich sardar in darkness, and tells the other sardars, " This are the various steps for stealing. You just observe. "
Firstly, he goes and overturns a vase.
Owner : Koun Hai ? ( Who's that ? )
Sardar : Mai Billi . ( I am the cat.)
Owner : Oh, Billi ( Oh. Cat. )
and goes back to sleep.

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Zailsingh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home.
Rajiv: Zailsinghji How is your MBA preparation?
Zail Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv: Logic is very easy.
Zailsingh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: so, logically, your are married.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: So, that means U are a heterosexual.
Zailsingh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Zail: How is your MBA preparation?
Buta: Everything is fine except for the logic.
Zail: Oh, logic is easy.
Buta: Please, give me an example.
Zail: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta: NO, I don't.
Zail: Saala HOMO!!!

[Oldposts]

Good going guys.
I just heard one more joke.

>
> > > SADDAM Hussein was sitting peacefully in his office
> > > wondering who to
> > > invade next when his telephone rang.
> > > Hallo! Hussein paji," a heavily accented voice said.
> > > "This is Santa
> > > Singh in Barnala, Punjab. I'm ringing to inform you
> > > that we are
> > > officially declaring war on all of you in Iraq."
> > > "Well, Santa."
> > > Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! Tell
> > > me how big is your
> > > army?"
> > > "At this moment..." said Santa after a moment's
> > > calculation, "there
> > > is
> > > main, mera cousin Surjit, mera next-door neighbour
> > > Gurdial and the
> > > entire bhangra team from the village-that makes
> > > nine." Saddam
> > > sighed. "I must tell you Santa, that I have one
> > > million men in my
> > > >army
> >* > > > > >waiting to move on
> > > my command." "Changa!" said Santa. "I'll be
> > > ringing
> > > you back."
> > > Sure enough the next day Santa rang back. "Right
> > > Hussein bhai, the
> > > war
> > > is still on! We have managed to acquire some
> > > equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Santa?"
> > > Saddam asked. "Well we have two
> > > combine
> > > harvesters, a bulldozer and Gurdial's tractor from
> > > the farm." Once
> > > more
> > > Saddam sighed. "I must tell you Santa that I have 16
> > > thousand tanks,
> > > 14
> > > thousand armoured personnel carriers and my army has
> > > increased to one
> > > and a half million since we last spoke." "Is that
> > > really so?" said
> > > Santa. "I'll be ringing you back!"
> > > Sure enough Santa rang again the next day. "Right Mr.
> > > Hussein the war
> > > is still on! We have managed to get ourselves
> > > airborne! We've
> > > modified
> > > a government cropduster with a couple o' rifles in
> > > the cockpit and
> > > the village kho-kho team has joined us as well!"
> > > Saddam was silent for a
> > > minute then sighed. "I must tell you Santa that I
> > > have 10 thousand
> > > bombers, 20 thousand MIG-19 attack planes, my
> > > military complex is
> > > surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile
> > > sites and since we
> > > last spoke my army has increased to two million."
> > > "Koi gal nahin,"
> > > said
> > > Santa. "I'll be having to be ringin' ya back."
> > > Sure enough Santa called again the next day. "Right,
> > > Mr. Hussein, I
> > > am
> > > very sorry to tell you we'll be calling off the war".
> > > "I'm sorry to
> > > hear that Santaji. I was so looking forward to it,"
> > > said Saddam. "Why
> > > the sudden change of heart?" Well to tell you the
> > > truth," began Santa
> > > "We've all had a little chat and there's no way we
> > > can feed two million prisoners."
> > >

[Oldposts]

Tamizharasan,

That was very funny, but next time make fun of that fool Bush as well, in fact he looks like a monkey, he just makes me laugh all the time :))

[Oldposts]

Thanks Raghu
I think we should start separate thread called Bush Jokes. Give me your email id and I will send you some funny posters for Bush. By the way I read from another thread that you got data base developer permanent Job. congratulations on your job and may god bless you with all happiness.
take care

[Oldposts]

Tamizharasan
Saddam is one of the good jokes I have heard after a long time. Keep going and try to post some new jokes.

[Oldposts]

what to say and what not to say......... Believe me I'm quite impressed with this site and very soon i'm goona send you the jokes .....

bye
Vicky

[Oldposts]

Hey guys, know the shortest joke on earth?

There was once a clever sardarji!

[Oldposts]

I know there are Sardar Jee jokes about Sardars, Bhayya jokes about Urdu/Hindi speaking people, Pathan jokes, Punjabi jokes, and Bengali jokes.I want to know if there are any other such categories where fun is made of a factual or exaggerated idiosyncracy of a certain linguistic, racial, geographical,or religious group. My intent is not to hurt anybody's feelings or to hold someone up to ridicule, because - - - I think laughing is a very serious matter in its essence!

[Oldposts]

THE BEST OF SARDAR JOKES!!

Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.
> > His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that
> > he replied "Exam was okay, but for the past tense of
> > THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and at last
> > wrote - THUNK !!!"
*********************************************

Santa : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing,
> > one is green and the other one is blue with red spots!
> > Banta : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair
> > of the same at home.
> >
> > ************************************
> >
> > Santa: What is ANOTHER difference between a MOSQUITO
> > and a FLY?
> > Banta: A FLY can FLY but a MOSQUITO cannot MOSQUITO!
> >
> > ***********************************
> >
> > Banta:When did George Washington die ?
> > Santa:Two days before his FUNERAL
> >
> > ****************************************
> >
> > Banta : Tell me five FEROCIOUS animals you can think
> > of...
> > Santa : 3 Lions and 2 Tigers.
> >
> > ****************************************
> >
> > Banta singh was in court charged with parking his car
> > in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had
> > anything to say should not put up such misleading
> > notices", said Banta singh. "It said, FINE FOR PARKING
> > HERE.
> >
> > ******************************************
> > Santa singh and Banta singh were always boasting of
> > their parents achievements to each other.
> > Santa singh : Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?
> > Banta singh : Yes, I have.
> > Santa singh : Well, my father dug it.
> > Banta singh : That's nothing, have you ever heard of
> > Dead sea?
> > Santa singh : Yes, I have.
> > Banta singh : Well, my father killed it.
> > ***************************************

Enjoy!!

[Oldposts]

An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.
"Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?" the cop said.
The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
"He said you were speeding!" the old man yelled.
The cop then asked, "May I see your license?"
The woman turned to her husband again, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled back, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman then gave the cop her license.
"I see, you are from Hoshairpur!," the cop said. "I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."
The woman turned to her husband again and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man replied, "He said he knows you!"

[Oldposts]

Once Santa was badly constipated, so he went to a doctor.
The doctor prescribed suppositories and told the man to take one once every four hours.
Santa left the doctor, happy that his problem would soon be gone.
When he got home, he took a suppository, swallowing it with a glass of water. Four hours passed, nothing happened. But he figured that these things take time, so he swallowed another one, hoping he would reap the benefits very soon.
After several days of taking the suppositories every four hours, he was still constipated, so he returned to the doctor.
When Santa explained that he took one every four hours, as prescribed, the doctor exclaimed, "What are you doing? Swallowing them?"
Santa replied sarcastically, "No, I'm shoving them up my arse!!!"

[Oldposts]

Banta and Preeto came to a sexologist.
"Doctor, we're married for a few months already, and we love each other, but we get no pleasure whatsoever from our lovemaking."
"Hmmm. Maybe you should try another position. Like this."
The doctor described the new position.
Banta said, "Doctor, thank you very much. Would you kindly permit us to try it here?"
"Just go behind that screen and try."
After a while the doctor asked, "So?"
"No pleasure whatsoever, doctor."
"Hmmm. Then try one more position."
Banta and Preeto again went behind the screen. The doctor heard some sounds suggesting that the new position did help indeed. However, when they reappeared from behind the screen, they again complained that they had no feelings whatsoever. As to the sounds, they just tried to excite themselves by saying certain words, but it did not help.
"Hmmm," the doctor said. "It's a hard case. Let me call your family doctor."
The sexologist dialed the family doctor's number and told about the hard case he was treating.
"Kick them out," the family doctor said. "They just make rounds through all doctors' offices in the city as they live with her parents and do not have a place of their own.

[Oldposts]

One day Banta went to a pharmacy and asked the little old lady behind the counter if he could speak with the pharmacist.
"I am the pharmacist," she informed him.
"Oh, in that case forget it," he replied and started to leave.
"Young man," the lady said to him, "my sister and I have been pharmacists for almost thirty years and there is nothing we haven't heard, so what is your problem?"
"Well," Banta said reluctantly, "I have a problem with erections. Once I get hard, it won't go down for hours and hours, no matter how much I have intercourse! Please, can you give me something for it?
"I'll have to go in the back and talk to my sister." she informed him.
About ten minutes later she came back. "Young man, I have consulted with my sister and the best we can give you is Rs 5000 a week and a third interest in the pharmacy."

[Oldposts]

Oh God, please have pity on me, I work so hard, in the meantime my wife, Jeeto stays at home. I would give anything if you would grant me one wish, "Switch me into Jeeto, she's got it easy at home. I want to teach her a lesson of how tough a man's life is."
As God was listening he felt sorry for Santa and granted his wish.
Next morning Santa, now a woman, wakes up at dawn, prepares breakfast, makes lunch boxes, wakes up the kids for school, puts a load of clothes in the washer, drives the kids to school, on his way back, stops at the petrol pump, pays the electricity and phone bills, picks up some clothes from the cleaners, quickly goes to the market. It was 1:00 already and he made the beds, vacuumed the house, made some lunch, and went to pick up the kids from school had an argument with the kids. As soon as he got home he fed the kids, washed the dirty dishes. He helped the kids with their homework, watched some TV while he ironed some clothes, prepared dinner and fed the kids, put them to sleep. At 9:00 he was so tired and he went to bed. Of course there was some more duties and somehow he managed to get them done and finally fell asleep.
The next morning he prays to God once again, "Oh God, what was I thinking when I asked you to grant my wish, I can't take it anymore. I beg you please switch me back to myself, please oh please."
Then he heard God's voice speaking to him, saying, "Dear son of course I'll switch you back into yourself but there's one minor detail: you will have to wait 9 months because last night you got pregnant."

[Oldposts]

Old man Santa limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!"
The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Mr. Santa, just how old are you?"
"98!" Joe announced proudly.
The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. . .
Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You're practically one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?"
The old Santa said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it don't hurt!"

[Oldposts]

Banta was amazed to find Santa playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
"I can hardly believe my eyes!" Banta exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," Santa replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five".

[Oldposts]

Q: Santa and Banta went to see 9-12 PM show. But they came back at 10 PM. Why?
A: Because the movie's name was "Dastak" (Das-tak in Hindi means uptill 10 O' clock).

[Oldposts]

Banta goes up to a policeman and asks, "Excuse me, officer, but did you know that my wife has had an affair?"
The policeman, surprised, "No! I didn't know"
Banta breathed deeply, exclaiming, "So I'm not the last one to know after all".

[Oldposts]

Santa is driving down a road and sees a sign that says, "Watch for Fallen Rocks."
A few kilometres later, he sees some rocks at the side of the road, so he stops and picks them up.
When he gets to the next town, he carries the rocks into the Highway Maintenance office and puts them on the counter.
"Here are your fallen rocks," he says to the man behind the counter. "Now where is my watch?".

[Oldposts]

Jeeto: You say I look old but people still praise me.
Santa: It must be Banta.
Jeeto: How do you know?
Santa: He is a SCRAP DEALER.



While filling out an employment application, Santa paused over the question, "Person to notify in case of an accident."
After some thought, he finally wrote, "Anybody in sight".

[Oldposts]

Santa to his girlfriend: Darling, am I the first man you ever kissed?
Girlfriend: Of course, you are the first man I've ever kissed! Why do all men ask the same silly question?.



Q: How did Santa cheat the railways?
A: He bought the ticket and didn't travel.


Q: Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised 'free delivery'.

[Oldposts]

• Santa to a girl: I want to marry you.
Girl: But, I am a year elder to you.
Santa: Then, I'll marry you next year.


Santa could not understand why his sister had two brothers and he only had one.


Banta: "Hey, pal! You've been standing there watching me fish for three hours! Why don't you get a rod and reel and do some fishing yourself?"
Santa:: "No, thanks. I don't have the patience for it".


Santa, "I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer, "I beg your pardon sir, that is a mirror.

[Oldposts]

By the time Santa arrived at the football game, the first half was almost over.
"Why are you so late?" Banta asked.
"I had to toss a coin to decide between going to Gurudwara and coming to the game."
"How long could that have taken you?"
"Well, I had to toss it 14 times.".



Santa and Jeeto are lying in bed. Santa says: "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"
Jeeto says: "I'll really miss you".


"Darling," said Banta to his new bride, Preeto, "Now that we are married, do you think you will be able to live on my small income?"
"Of course, dearest, no trouble," she replied. "But what will you live on?".

[Oldposts]

Judge: You are charged with throwing your mother-in-law out of your fourth-story window.
Banta: I did it without thinking, your Honor.
Judge: Thats no excuse! Don't you see how dangerous it might have been for anyone passing by at the time?.


Santa goes over to Banta's house all bruised and his clothes torn.
Banta says, "Man, where have you been?"
"I just got back from burying my mother-in-law"
Banta: "How did you get all bruised and your clothes torn from burying your mother-in-law?"
"She wouldn't lie still".

[Oldposts]

Q: How does Santa kill a fish?
A: He drowns it.


Q: How did Santa try to kill the bird?
A: He threw it off a cliff.

[Oldposts]

Santa and Banta work in a software company. One day, they were to move their m/cs to another building. Santa was having a tough time carrying his machine.
Santa : "My m/c has 500 MB disk. See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 250 MB. Can't you carry even this much?"
Banta : "But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!

[Oldposts]

Q: A sardarji ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

[Oldposts]

Good job vijaya rajan and hyderabadi.
some of the jokes were really fantastic

[Oldposts]

hi thamizharasan,

than q vry much

will keep posting jokes as when i come across some

[Oldposts]

Once sardarji was waiting for a bus. After some time bus arrives and does not stop where the sardaarji standing. Sardarji keeps running to catch a bus. And after some 500 meters bus stops.
Sardarji ask question to the driver: "Oye driver, kya ye bus teri maa lagati hai?"
Driver: "No"
Sardarji: "to kya ye teri sister lagati hai?"
Driver again says NO.
Sardarji: "to phir chadane ku nahi deta??"

[Oldposts]

A sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks it up and says " Hello, how did you know I was here?"

If Ulike it
call me +92-300-6648723

[Oldposts]

Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm.
He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled
inside in front of the interviewing officer. Officer
looks at Santa singh Then goes thru his certificates
and then starts asking him questions.
Following is the transcript :

O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications
& credentials I would like to ask you only some simple
questions. If you can answer those then you are
selected. First we will start with some opposites
S : Yes Sir. Officer started asking questions
O : Above
S : Below
O : Front
S : Back
O : Left
S : Right
O : Male
S : Female
O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)
S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)
O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)
S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our sardar also spells it)
O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)
S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L .....
Y...... Our sardar also shouts) Officer is now angry.
O : Get out
S : Come in.
O : Quiet please.
S : Talk please.
O : You are rejected.
S : I am selected ........ ....... and This is how Santa Singh got his job.

AND ONE MORE
7 Indians and 7 Pakistanis are going from PUNE to Mumbai. So they gather at STATION. Both groups are trying to prove their superiority.

Scene 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI)
7 Indians take only 1 Tickets amongst them and 7 Pakistanis take all 7 tickets.
Pakistanis are desperately waiting for TC to come......When TC is about to come all 7 Indians get in one toilet. When the TC knocks, one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes away....
NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct train to PUNE so they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE. So the Pakistanis decide, "This time we will prove that we too are genius".
All 7 Pakistanis take 1 Ticket amongst them while the Indians don’t take any ticket. When the TC comes, all the Pakistanis get in one toilet while the Indians get in the opposite one. One engineer gets out and knocks the door of the Pakistanis toilet, one hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in Indians toilet.
The TC DRIVES ALL the Pakistanis from the toilet and they are heavily fined.......
SO now both the group on LONAVALA station with the Pakistanis planning their move for last chance. They board the local to Pune and this time Pakistanis decide that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick. ALL Pakistanis take 1 ticket and the Indians take all 7 tickets this time.
When the TC comes, all Indians quickly show their tickets, while the Pakistanis are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL...........

[Oldposts]

Not Bad.. Some seems to be repeating for many years

[Oldposts]

Some of them are of course repetitive but the point is not all of us may have heard those and there are some which are really very good.

[Oldposts]

A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help. He goes into the temple and begins to pray.

"Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto". Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.

The Sardarji goes back to the synagogue. "Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!

Back to the temple... "My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarhi is confronted by the voice of the God: "SARDARJI, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A DAMN TICKET".

[Oldposts]

Kaun Banega Santaji:-



Santa Singh is the aggressive participant on Kaun Banega Crorepati
Amitabh : Santaji, 5 sawal ka jawab diye to Rs. 10,000 jeetiye. 15 jawab par 1 crore! Aapke paas teen lifeline hain. Ek hazaar rupee ke liye aapka
Pehla Sawaal: Who is India's Prime Minister?

A:Vajpayee
B:Advani
C:Zail Singh
D:Amrish Puri?


Santa Singh : Vajpayee.
Amitabh : Sure?
Santa Singh : Yes, sure.
Amitabh : Confident?
Santa Singh : Yes.
Amitabh : Absolutely sure?
Santa Singh : Yes Amitji.
Amitabh : Lock kar dein?
Santa Singh : Yes.
Amitabh : Sahee jawab! Aap ek hazaar rupee jeet gaye hain!
Santa Singh : Oye! Saale, ullu mat banaa! Paanch jawab diye hain puray dus hazaar nikaal!

[Oldposts]

TO LOSE WEIGHT..

The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometres a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called
the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?"Asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 kms from home."

[Oldposts]

Hyderabadi
good jokes especially the lottery one. Keep going

[Oldposts]

A Sardar enters shop & shouts, "Where's my free gift with this oil?"

Shopkeeper: "ISke Saath koi gift nahin hai bhaisaab"

Sard : "Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE "

[Oldposts]

Sorry if this joke is a bit embarassing..but its worth a read.


_____________

Santa singh is on the verge of entering the hospital, where he meets banta, coming out, from the hospital crying and wailing heavily.

Shocked santa, enquires the reason.

Banta says, "I went for blood test, and my finger got cut!"

Hearing this Santa starts crying even more louder and says...

"Oh my god! I am in for urine test today!"

[Oldposts]

Sardar's Planting Trees A passerby watched two sardarjis in a
park.
One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling
them in
again.
'Tell me,' said the passerby, 'What on earth are you doing?'
'Well,' said
the digger,
'Usually there are three of us. I dig the hole,
Balwant plants the tree saplings and Gurpreet fills in the
hole.
Today Balwant is off, because he is ill, but that doesn't mean
Gurpreet
and I get the day off!
*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*= ====*=====*=====*


A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly
gate Saint
Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the
advances in
education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective
heavenly
soul must
answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?


The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and
Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.


Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even
though it's
not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how
did you get
only
12 seconds in a year?"
The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March
2nd, etc...."


Saint Peter lets him in without another word

*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*= ====*=====*=====*
Sardarjee to Sunita: "I want to marry you"
Sunita: "But I am one year elder to you."
Sardarjee: "No Problem, then I will marry you next year."



*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*= ====*=====*=====*

[Oldposts]

Two sardaji's are playing Chess.

(That's a joke. got it?) thanks to Charu.

[Oldposts]

Report submitted by Banta Singh to his manager after
> completing his Y2K
> verification task.
>
> Dear Sir,
>
> Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on
> time and on budget. We
> have gone through every line of code in every
> program in every system. We
> have analyzed all databases, all data files,
> including backups and historic
> archives, and modified all data to reflect the
> change.
>
> We are proud to report that we have completed the
> "Y-to-K" date change
> mission, and have now implemented all changes to all
> programs and all data
> to reflect your new standards:
>
> Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk,
> August, September,
> October, November, December
>
> As well as:
>
> Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak Thursdak, Fridak,
> Saturdak.
>
> I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be
> honest, none of this Y to
> K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand
> it is a global
> problem, and our team is glad to help in any way
> possible. And what does
> the year 2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which,
> what do you think we
> ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls
> over from 99 to 00?
>
> We'll await your direction."
>
> Very Sincerely
> Banta Singh
> Y2K Project Leader
>
>
>

[Oldposts]

Halo every body.
One sardar is on the beach. He asks the other sardar why is it called beach. The other sardar answers: Zammen or asman ke beech me kya hota he. Beech na.

[Oldposts]

Santa and his wife, Jeeto had just gone to bed for the night. Just as Santa was about to fall asleep, his wife shook him and said, "I hear someone breaking in."
At least two nights a week for twenty years Santa had gone through this. He knew that the only way he would get any rest was to go and check it out. So this time also he went out for a routine check.
When Santa entered the den he was suprised by an intruder. The man held a gun on him and continued to rob the house. As the theif was about to leave our Santa said, "You have to go and meet my wife, Jeeto."
The thief said, " Why on earth would you want me to meet your wife?"
Santa replied, "Well, she`s been expecting you for 20 years."

[Oldposts]

Santa : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and the other one is blue with red spots! Banta : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home

[Oldposts]

Once Zail singh was relaxing in a park. Some kids playing nearby decided to pull his leg. Walking up to him they asked him, "Sir are you relaxing?"
Zail singh replied, "No, I am Zail Singh!"
The kids started laughing wildly and ran off. This terribly confused Zail Singh and he decided to check it out. He walked up to a guy who was relaxing on a bench near him and asked, "Are you relaxing?"
The man replied, "Yes, why do you ask?"
Zail Singh answered with satisfaction, "Then those kids are probably looking for you!"

[Oldposts]

Banta and Preeto got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, Preeto immediately called her mother.
Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Banta started using the most horrible language...things I`d never heard before!
I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You`ve got to come get me and take me home.... Please mama!"
"Preeto, Preeto," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"
"Please don`t make me tell you, mama," wept Preeto, "I`m so embarrassed they`re just too awful! Come get me, please!"
"You must tell me what has you so upset....Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, Preeto said, "Oh, mama...words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK...!"

[Oldposts]

Santa is a store manager. One day he overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma`am, we haven`t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn`t look as if we`ll be getting any soon."
Alarmed by what was being said, Santa rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn`t true, ma`am. Of course, we`ll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago."
Then Santa drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don`t have something. If we don`t have it, say we ordered it and it`s on its way. Now, what was it she wanted?"
"Rain."

[Oldposts]

Santa and Jeeto were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 10th wedding anniversary.
Jeeto said, "We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon."
"As you wish," said Santa.
"Will we do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon?" asked Jeeto.
"Ok," said Santa.
"And will we make love like we did on our first honeymoon?" asked Jeeto.
"That's right," said Santa, "except this time I get to sit on the side of the bed and cry, 'It's too big, it's too big!'"

[Oldposts]

One young man went for an IAS Interview.

"When did India get independence?" He was asked."The efforts began
a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied."Who
was responsible for our independence?"."There were so many. Whom to
mention?.If I name one it will be a injustice to another."He
replied."Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"."Some
research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly
only after seeing the report" He replied.

The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful
answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others,since they

were planning to ask the same questions. When he went out naturally
others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but
one persistent Sardar would not leave him.

"At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged. Then

it was the turn of this Sardar. When he went inside, since his resume
was slightly illegible, the board member asked him."By the way, what is

your date of birth?" He replied, "The effort began a few years earlier

and final result was in 1947." Somewhat puzzled, they asked another
clarification."What is your fathers name?" He replied, "There were so
many. Whom to mention". If I name one it will be injustice to another"
The interviewer was incensed. "Hey! are you mad or what?" He replied.
"Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report."

[Oldposts]

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very ornery, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem: she was in heat. What to do? There was no male of this species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Santa, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals` cages. Now Santa, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, and he wasn`t very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Perhaps they could entice Santa to satisfy the female gorilla.
So he was approached with a proposition: Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla- for one thousand bucks?
Santa replied that he might be interested, but would have to think the matter over.
The following day, Santa announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:
"First," Santa said, "I don`t want to have to kiss her."
"Second, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union."
The zoo administration quickly acceded to these conditions, but what could be the third?
"Well," said Santa, "You`ve gotta give me another week to come up with one thousand rupees.

[Oldposts]

Teacher asks pupil to draw female reproductive organ. a girl was shy and she was looking DOWN. Sardar boy shouts, " Miss, she is copying".

[Oldposts]

this site is fuc*king racist and it suck as hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELL TO THE PEOPLE WHO MADE THIS SITE

[Oldposts]

Hair implant

Santa had an accident, so he was rushed to the hospital. The doctor had to perform an instant operation, due to his injuries. Santa was wounded on the face and a deep scar was formed on his skin, but under his bushy beard. The doctor shaved off a part of his beard and then performed the surgery.
Afterwards, the doctor performed more surgery to replace the missing part of the beard, so he would look good as new. The doctor cut off Santa's pubic hair and implanted it surgically on his face where the beard was missing.
Santa awakened and then after 2-3 days, he was discharged and he went back home. After six months, Santa came to the hospital to talk to the doctor who performed his operation.
Santa said, "Doc, everything is okay, but a peculiar thing has happened to me many times."
The doctor asks, "What is happening?"
Santa replies, "Whenever I scratch my beard, my peni***s gets erect!

[Oldposts]

fu_k this site!!!
Fu_king racist!!!
Blo_dy madrasis @#%^&%*^(&
bl_ddy Blacks O#@%%^&**^&(

[Oldposts]

hilarious

[Oldposts]

"Help.... the Titanic is going to be drowned...."
Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God...
Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarjee in the ship.
Italian: How far is land, from here?
Sardarjee: Two miles.
Italian: Only two miles, then why are these fools making noise. I have got the experience of swimming even more.
The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again.

Italian: Just tell me which side; is land two miles from here?

Sardarjee: Downwards

[Oldposts]

After making a trip of South India , Santa Singh ,his wife and his son were returning to punjab in Tamilnadu Express. Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed. When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand hindi had occupied his son's birth . Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English. Santa Singh explained , " That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."

[Oldposts]

Pakistani and an Insect
An insect falls into a mug of beer...
Englishman : Throws his mug away and walks out
American : Takes the insect out and drinks the beer
Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away
Indian : Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets
a new mug of beer.
Pakistani : Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer
- Relates the issue to Kashmir
- Asks the Chinese for Military aid
- Takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer

[Oldposts]

Pakistani and an Insect
An insect falls into a mug of beer...
Englishman : Throws his mug away and walks out
American : Takes the insect out and drinks the beer
Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away
Indian : Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets
a new mug of beer.
Pakistani : Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer
- Relates the issue to Kashmir
- Asks the Chinese for Military aid
- Takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer

[Oldposts]

sardar gives advice to his son on prostitution:
"puttar, u shud not go to prostitues,agar tu pros ke paas gaya to tenu AIDS ho jaayega, phir teri biwi ko AIDS hoga, phir mainu, phir teri maa nu, te saare gaon nu...

[Oldposts]

Good One BlitzHawk..

[Oldposts]

koooooooooool jokes

[Oldposts]

sardar santa singh and banta singh (his friend) move in a bar.santa sees a girl alone.When he is just about to go there Banta says that she is a lesbian.Santa does not care.he goes and says...
"So, where from Lesbia?"

[Oldposts]

while going on to the road santa singh suddenely stooped an opened his lunch box to confirm some serious thing .... can you tell me what was that???

...Hhe just wanted to confirm that is he going to or coming from office

[Oldposts]

A lady asked Santa singh what is the time?
Santa singh replied "BRA PANTIES".
The lady slapped him and asked him i asked you the time
Santa replied i told you the time only "Barah paintes (12.35)"

[Oldposts]

Good Joke

I like it

[Oldposts]

sardar gives advice to his son on prostitution:
"puttar, u shud not go to prostitues,agar tu pros ke paas gaya to tenu AIDS ho jaayega, phir teri biwi ko AIDS hoga, phir mainu, phir teri maa nu, te saare gaon nu...

[Oldposts]

Thanks SANDEEP

[Oldposts]

A letter from an Indian mother to her son:

My dear Jagjit,

I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there.
I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the
newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved
20miles.
I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here
took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not
have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able
to
take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain
same
too.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated
right
above the toilet I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3
shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The
First
time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little
too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut
them
off and put them in the pocket.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting
the
grass at the cemetery.
By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is Badmash.
He
told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We
were
confused as to which piece should we remove?
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is
a
girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull
him
out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he
burned for three days.
Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his
father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea
after
he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave
for
his father.
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love - Mom.
P.S. Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but by the time I
realized, I had already sealed off this letter.

[Oldposts]

teri maa dats not funny about dat paki thing

[Oldposts]

here are a few from me -
what will you see when you look into the eyes of a sardarji?
- the back of his head
what do you get when you make 10 sardarjis stand side by side?
- a wind tunnel
what will the sardar do when lightning strikes?
- mistake it for a camera and stand up to pose
what did the sardar do to kill the bird?
- threw it off the cliff, of course!

[Oldposts]

and that was a good long one from bala.

[Oldposts]

and that was a good long one from bala.

[Oldposts]

http://www.iomx.com/webmaster.htm

[Oldposts]

in a train a south indian and a sardar travelled to delhi. the south indian looks very thin and un able to load his trunk on the top luggage box.
suddenly the sardar take the box and put the box on top and replied to sindian , this is because chapthi(wheat).

south indian is insulted so , think and actwhen the train moves he acting like unable to pull the chain,which is to stop the train.
the sardar suddenly pull the chain again lift the hand up told because of chapathi.

the ttr come and pick up the sardar for enqiry.
now the south india replied to sardar this effect of rice man ..... ha .. ha ha

[Oldposts]

Santa Singh in Court

Lawyer to santa singh : Gita pe hath rehke bole ki..

Santa to lawyer : Oye.. Sita pe hath lagaya isliye idhar leke ayya, ab gita pe hath ..

[Oldposts]

some good ones and some pathetic ones *sighs*

here's one

Why do sardars like to tape their adventure with prostitutes then watch the tape backwards?



--> They like to see the whore giving back the money

[Oldposts]

Santa says a word secretly to Banta.....Banta dies on hearing tat....wats the secret word???








Dishkiyaaaaaaooooooon.............

[Oldposts]

i like joks santa banta

[Oldposts]

i like joks very funny

[Oldposts]

i like joks very funny

[Oldposts]

i like joks very funny

[Oldposts]

wife : remove my salwar
santa: ok..
wife : remove my kameez
santa : ok..
wife : remove my bra
santa: ok
wife : remove my panties
santa: ok
wife : and never again wear my dresses
santa: ok......

[Oldposts]

santa n banta r watching a cricket match. sachin hits a sixer...
santa : woh dekho...goal...
banta : abey gadhe...goal isme nahi...cricket mein hota hai...

[Oldposts]

wat do u do when a sardar throws a pin at you....
>> run 'coz he is holding the grenade

wat do u do when he throws a grenade at u
>> catch it...take the pin off...n throw at him

[Oldposts]

HI
I DO APPRECIATE THE THE FIRST TWO LINES THAT U HAVE WIRTTEN THAT THESE ARE JUST THE JOKES BUT NOT TO HURT ANYONE'S FEELINGS.

BUT I WOULD RATHER SUGGEST YOU ONE THING. I WOULD EVEN APPRECIATE IF U PLEASE REMOVE THE FIRST JOKE IN WHICH YOU HAVE SAID ABOUT SHAVING THE BEARD OF A SARDAR JI BECAUSE THAT IS VERY OFFENSIVE, AND CAN HURT ANYONE'S RELIGIOUS FEELINGS, AND PLEASE REPLACE ALL THE WORDS "SARDAR" WITH "SANTA AND BANTA", BECAUSE IF U ADDRESS A "SARDAR" IN YOUR JOKE THEN U R REFFERING TO ONE'S RELIGON. BUT IF U R REFERING TO "SANTA AND BANTA" THEN U R REFERRING TO ONLY THE CARTOON CHARACTERS.

PLEASE CONSIDER MY REQUEST

A PROUD SIKH
HARPREET SINGH MARWAH.
harpreetmails@yahoo.com

[Oldposts]

Mr Harpreet singh marwah

Your point is noted. I will not keep it in my mind about whatever you said. I wanted to do whatever you mentioned but unfortunately I can't do it as the system does not allow me to do.

[Oldposts]

oops a correction. I will keep it in my mind about whatever you said.

[Oldposts]

Garbhajan Singh went for hunting in a thick forest. He did not even find an animal. He is in his jeep. All of sudden one Lion jumped from a bush. Sardar frightened forgot to shoot, start the jeep and accelerate it fast to save himself. But the Lion is just behind him full speed. Ahead a junction the road divides and goes to two sides, Garbajen looked through the mirror the lion is just behind. He has an idea and saved his life. Do you know what he did?? He flashed the left indicator of the jeep on approaching the junction and turn to right

[Oldposts]

Three men were stranded on an uninhabited island. One was Hindu, one a Muslim, and the other a Surd. The only way back home was to swim 100 miles to the next island, which was inhabited.

The Muslim was so determined to get home that he tried to swim. He made it 50 miles, got tired, and drowned.

Then the Hindu tried. He made it 75 miles, but got tired and drowned, too.

The Surdar thought he could make it all the way, so he started swimming. He swam 50 miles, but started getting tired, so he swam all the way back to the island.

[Oldposts]

A Sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels, but he always started reading from the middle.
A friend of his asked why he did so?"
It's doubly interesting", said the Sardar. To start from the middle; keeps one curious not only about its conclusion but also about its beginning.

[Oldposts]

hahahahhahahahah chak de phuttay ma da sardarji!

[Oldposts]

This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata"

[Oldposts]

One day a sardarji was sitting in his office on the
thirteenth floor building when a man came running in
to his office and shouted "Santa Singh your daughter
Preeto just died in an accident" Sardarji was in
panic.Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office
window. While coming down when he was near the tenth
floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named
Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered
he was not married.When he was about to hit the ground
he remembered he was not Santa Singh.

[Oldposts]

One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.A lady
came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar
answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy Came and
asked! ! ! ! the same Question. Sardar answered " No No Me
! Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same
question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to
shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar
enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you
Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and
answered "Yes I am relaxing. The Sardar slapped him on
his face and said "Idiot, Sab tere Ko wahahn dhoond
rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai. "

[Oldposts]

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Mankuwa City to Sukhpur city, the
captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed..
There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than
scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and
the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours.But don't worry ... we still have one engine left." A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine,we'll be up here all day!"

[Oldposts]

Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji,
one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation. "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.
When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the Same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying,"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?". Sardarji replied, "Great, I got the job,
and I'm already investigating a murder.

[Oldposts]

Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask."
The Sardar asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The Sardar says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos.
His Sardar boss sees him and asks,
"What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a Thermos flask."
The boss asks, "What does it do?"
He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."

[Oldposts]

Someone told him that if goes & prays at Gurudwara, Mosque, Church & a temple, that his prayers will surely be answered. So Santa goes to a Gurudwara, & prays there. Then he goes to a Mosque and prays there. Than he goes to a church and prays there. Then he goes to a Shiv temple. The temple had
a large Lord Shiva statue. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer.
Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Saannoo 100 rupayen chahiye. Kirpa karo."
The priest saw Santa praying. He wante to help Santa, but knew that a Sikh will never accept the money. So he drops a 100 rupee note, from behind the statue, so that Santa can not see him. After Santa had said his prayers, and opened his eyes. He saw the note and thought that god has listened to his
prayers. He takes the note and goes away. However he is back again next day for money. Now the priest is really annoyed with Santa. The Priest decides that he is not going to give any more money to
Santa. He changes the big Shivji statue with smaller one of Ganapathi that day. Once again Santa goes to the prayer room. However he does not notice the difference. Santa closes his eyes, bows his
head, joins his hands and says his prayer. Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Ajj to
saannoo 50 rupayen hi chahiye. Kirpa karo." After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any
money.
Santa: "O papa jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Asee 10 rupayen me hi kaam chala lenge. Kirpa karo jee." After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money. He slowly raises his head and now notices that small Ganapthi statue. He carefully looks left and than right, & than slowly moves a bit forward near the statue. Than he whispers to the Statue: "Beta, Papa kitthe hai?!?!!"

[Oldposts]

santa to salesman: i need a curtain for my computer.
salesman: sirjee,...nobody puts curtain on computer.
santa: oye,...maine kal hi windows lagvaya hai apne computer pe....

[Oldposts]

santa on seeing a mysterious dark object on the road stops to take a look at it. he then pokes a finger at it n tastes it. then he sez,.."rab da laakh laakh shukr hai maine gobar pe paanvu nahi rakha..."

[Oldposts]

History behind sardar 12 o,clock joke

Hindus use the 12 o'clock joke to rib the Sikhs without quite knowing what it's about. In turn, the Sikh victims get infuriated without quite knowing why. The origins of the joke, now lost in the mists of time, were in dead earnest. If the Sikhs knew the real story, they would be proud to be alluded to as the `12 o'clock people', and the Hindus would regard them with a new respect.
To understand the joke, we have to go back to the time of Guru Gobind Singh. Then, Delhi was ruled by Aurangzeb, an autocrat who had a firm rein on his government and patrolled his borders well. There was little chance of an invasion, but the emperor's insistence on concentrating all power in his own hands -- for fear of meeting the same fate as he had inflicted upon his father Shah Jehan -- ultimately ensured the downfall of his line.

Aurangzeb did not allow even his own sons to acquire administrative experience for fear that they would get too powerful for him to handle. In the absence of compelling authority, the Mughal empire crumbled immediately after his death. Under Bahadur Shah, his successor, the centre refused to hold and the borders became vulnerable. In 1739 Nadir Shah, King of Persia, crossed the frontier and swept down towards the capital. He was the first invader who was here only to plunder and kill, with no intention of staying on. His troops reached Delhi, where they killed 1.5 lakh people, both Hindus and Muslims. He headed homewards almost immediately, taking back incredible loot gold, jewelry, elephants, horses, camels, skilled labourers and, as is usual in war, women.

The troops had to pass through Punjab and when the Sikhs heard of the enormous number of captured women, they decided to intervene. Without a strong military leader, they could not afford to make a frontal attack. They took to making midnight guerrilla raids on Nadir Shah's camp. Every night, small bands of Sikhs would strike with the sole intention of freeing as many of the captive women as possible and returning them to their homes before daybreak. These attacks became something of an institution later, after Nadir Shah had quit the country, when an increasing number of invaders began to come down into the Indian plains, drawn by its fabled riches.

Thus was the 12 o'clock joke born. Initially, instead of being grateful for their heroism, Hindus would say that the Sikhs are in their senses only at night. It was apparently futile to expect help from them at other times. Then they referred to midnight, for they didn't want to credit the Sikhs with sense for the duration of a whole night.

The Sikhs were naturally annoyed. They were trying to help the Hindus and were getting only derision in return. They were always armed, and did not hesitate to draw steel. To minimise personal risk, Hindus started referring to the relatively neutral 12 o'clock, rather than midnight, and even then they often ran for their lives. The final result was the safe, bald statement, `It is 12 o'clock,' shorn of all reference to its very interesting history.

When Hindus crack this joke, they are oblivious to the fact that had the Sikhs not intervened, their womenfolk would have been dishonoured and taken into exile. The Sikhs should be proud of the 12 o'clock incident. Because of them, the dignity of the Hindu community was restored after Nadir Shah's invasion, the most terrible act of war ever to be perpetrated in India.It hurts me most when a woman inflicts the 12 o'clock joke on me. It sets me wondering whether one of my forefathers had not rescued one of her foremothers. Had it not been for help from my community, perhaps, this woman might have been living in a foreign land, and in very different circumstances.

[Oldposts]

http://www.dcetech.com (http://www.dcetech.com
)

Delhi College of Engineering IEEE branch official website

DCE, IEEE, GRE forums, management forums, cat, philosophy, TROIKA, Resonance, Panache, Acumen, Spave, Envision, technical forums, sports, literature,
Delhi, gre forum, iim, management forum, philosophy forum,recruitment, placements, IEE

[Oldposts]

gaand marale

[Oldposts]

Two Sardar ji were playing chess !!!

[Oldposts]

I Love Sardar Jokes

[Oldposts]

one sardar wanted to know how long it will take by train to travel from punjab to ahmedabad.so he called enquiry.he asked"how long does it take to travel from punjab to ahmedabad",the enquiry staff
replied"just one second...",sardar "ok thank u"

[Oldposts]

Q: why does a sardarji digs up a pit and stays in the pit for a long time?

A:DEEP THINKING

[Oldposts]

Mental Hospital


Santa and Banta Singh were both in a mental hospital. Once they were walking past a swimming pool, Santa suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there.

Banta promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled Santa out.
When the medical director became aware of Banta's heroic act, he immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered him to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell Banta the news, he said,' Banta, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and
save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Santa, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Banta replied, 'He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry.'

[Oldposts]

A Hard Task

Why does it take longer to build a Santa Singh snowman as opposed to a regular one?

You have to hollow out the head

[Oldposts]

Santa happened to participate in a competition, which was about writing the shortest story.
The organizers had put a condition that a story must have four ingredients viz. religion, sex, suspense and mystery.
When Santa's turn came after many attempts by others. Santa's story was of just one sentence which read "Oh god, my wife is going to deliver a child".
Ostensibly amused, the organizers asked the american whether it contained all the four ingredients! American replied affirmatively and gave his explanation as below:
Oh god: religion.
My wife: sex.
Going to deliver a child: suspense (whether a girl or a boy)
"Okay.... but where is the mystery?" asked one of the organizers.
Santa replied: who is the father?
He was the winner for writing the shortest story!

[Oldposts]

what is a baby singh called?

Ans- Singlet

baby pig is piglet

[Oldposts]

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11 a.m.,regardless
of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.


So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible
Phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses,prayer books and other
holy objects to ward off evil........ Just when the clock struck 11... and then.. ....
.... .... .... .... .... ....



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Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner.

[Oldposts]

AS much as said about the sardar being taken for a ride this one isgood Mr.Blitz hawk.

[Oldposts]

two sings introducing themselves to each other

1---i am balwant sing. you are-

2-- relaxing.

[Oldposts]

english as a second language.

teacher- what are the three main races we find in malaysia?

pupil--motor race, bicycle race, &boat race.

[Oldposts]

teacher: one monkey has one tail. hundred monheys have-----
pupil: hundred and one tail.

[Oldposts]

tr: what is the feminine gender for monk?

pupil: mongrel.

tr.:fill in the blank.
i want a cup--- coffee.

pupil: i want a cup brew coffee.


tr.: correct the mistake.

my father is a coocky.
pupil: my father is a cooker

[Oldposts]

one day santa faced some urinal problem. so he decided to consult a doctor. he went to a Nursing home. as he was waiting for his appointment, he saw crying banta who was coming outside with a bandage on his index finger.
santa asked banta, what happend, and why u r crying?
he replied: i was here for testing my blood. but doctor had cut my finger.
suddenly, santa ran away from there. banta was surprised.
after 2-3days banta was happend to meet santa singh. he asked abt him.
then santa replied: arey i was there for testing my urine..................(dimag ka bathi jalavo bhai)

[Oldposts]

You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:

puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind.
gets stabbed in a shoot-out
sends a fax with a postage stamp on it
tries to drown a fish in waters
thinks socialism means partying
trips over a cordless phone
takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept
At the bottom of the application where it says
"Sign Here" he puts "Sagittarius."
studies for a blood test and fails
sells the car for gas money
misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
drives to the airport and sees a sign that said,
"Airport left", he turns around and goes home
gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor

[Oldposts]

Great going guys. One more

Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railwaystation. Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train toLudhiana?" "No," answers the Railway man. "Can I?" asks Gani Singh.

[Oldposts]

Great going guys. One more

Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railwaystation. Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train toLudhiana?" "No," answers the Railway man. "Can I?" asks Gani Singh.

Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

[Oldposts]

An African dining with Europeans chews bones with pleasure.

One Euopean: What do your dogs in Africa eat?
African: Potatoes

:-)

[Oldposts]

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very ornery, and difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem: she was in heat. What to do? There was no male of this species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Santa, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals` cages. Now Santa, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, and he wasn`t very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Perhaps they could entice Santa to satisfy the female gorilla.
So he was approached with a proposition: Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla- for one thousand bucks?
Santa replied that he might be interested, but would have to think the matter over.
The following day, Santa announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:
"First," Santa said, "I don`t want to have to kiss her."
"Second, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union."
The zoo administration quickly acceded to these conditions, but what could be the third?
"Well," said Santa, "You`ve gotta give me another week to come up with one thousand rupees.

[Oldposts]

One young man went for an IAS Interview.

"When did India get independence?" He was asked.

"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.

"Who was responsible for our independence?".

"There were so many. Whom to mention?. If I name one it will be a injustice to another."He replied.

"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?".

"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.

The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others,since they
were planning to ask the same questions. When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but
one persistent Sardar would not leave him.

"At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged. Then it was the turn of this Sardar. When he went inside, since his resume
was slightly illegible, the board member asked him.
"By the way, what is your date of birth?" He replied,
"The effort began a few years earlier
and final result was in 1947."

Somewhat puzzled, they asked another
clarification."What is your fathers name?" He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one it will be injustice to another"

The interviewer was incensed. "Hey! are you mad or what?" He replied.

"Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report."

[Oldposts]

mushraff : i have patani regiment on the boder
who think a shoot.
vajpayee : i have deployed sikh regiment who do not think they just fire to still beware

[Oldposts]

wah kaya bath hai! i want more and more sardar jokes.keep laughing us

[Oldposts]

Guys
Good going one more joke to share.




Santa Goes to heaven
Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"

[Oldposts]

A politician got his hand burnt and was cured very soon. Who was he?

Surjit singh Burnala

[Oldposts]

Great fun

A sardar went to America
he saw a boy wearing a cap opposit side
sardar was surprised to see and he thought it was cool
so next day he ware his pagri in opposit side

one sardar saw him and said "Sardar ji tusi aa rahe ho ya ja rahe ho?"

[Oldposts]

Q>>If one sardar throw a hand grnade to u what will u do??

A>>pull the pin out and throw grnade on sardar.

[Oldposts]

I appreciate sardars for their sense of humor and i like sardar jokes veryyyyyyyy much.

[Oldposts]

A sardarji see something written on a wall, he goes near to read, deewar pe likha rehta hai padne wala gadha ...he thinks for an hour how to take revenge, then woh mitake likhta hai likhne wala gadha...

Harry

[Oldposts]

Sardar Jee: Putri teri ma masroof aey, choty bhai bhi noo dood tay pila.
Putri: Par merey dood nai anda.
Sardar Jee: Acha Show sha tay baria hay.

[Oldposts]

teacher:what is the shape of the world?

pupil: square.

tr. how?

p: my father has travelled to all four corners of the world.

[Oldposts]

teacher:what is the shape of the world?

pupil: square.

tr. how?

p: my father has travelled to all four corners of the world.

[Oldposts]

arey sardhar ji jokes bagunnai chaduvu

[Oldposts]

Q. What is the similarity between a intelligent Sardar and a Dianasour?
A. Dono ab is duniya mein nahi rahe...!

Q. Duniya me sab se jada Sardar kahan hota hai?
A. Jokes Book mein.

Gadha uske peeche ek aur gadha aur uske peeche main aur mere peeche saari desh. Guess what, a Sardar learning the spelling of ASSASSINATION(ASS-ASS-I-NATION)

[Oldposts]

sardar jokes are really cool...........

[Oldposts]

Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the
road....why ?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming
back from the office


Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees
inside and closes it.
Wife observes the whole episode
Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife askes
Why are you doing this?
Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly

What is the full form of singh: S-sardar
I-insaan N-nahi G-gadha H-hai.

[Oldposts]

LAUGH OUT LOUD, ITS FUNNY

A woman had 8 sons all named Kevin. On asking how she managed to call any one in particular

She replied: That's easy. I call them by their surname !



koi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak

bijli chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui dukhi aadmi

bola: Lagta hai woh waha pahunch gai



How do you fit 30 marwadis in a Maruti 800 ?

Throw a 100 rupee note inside



A small boy wrote to Santa Claus : " Send me a brother "

Santa wrote back : " Send me your mother "

[Oldposts]

Santa singh: Can u spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?

Banta singh: Post office.



Sardar on cycle hit lady accidently, lady says," break nahi mar sakta tha kya?

Sardar replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di....."



Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalte the,

woh kya sochrahe honge?....think.............

"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"



Sardar:Aap kitna padhe ho?

Friend: B.A.

Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar sirf do word padhe aur woh bhi ulte.

[Oldposts]

A friend asks sardar how was ur exam?

Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK.

I thought, thought & finally i wrote 'THUNK'.



Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz

sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.

Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?

Sardar: Phone karte waqt.



Sardar jhad pe bethkar gaa rahe the, achanak ek sardar jhad se ulta

latak ke gaane laga, dusre ne pucha ki ulta kyon latka he, Sardar

bola oye side B gaa raha hun.



Sardarni asks her lover,"Santa dear, if we get engaged, will u give me a ring?"

"Sure" replies santa. "Whats ur phone no?"

[Oldposts]

kutte ke bacche, shuhar ke bacche, kamine ke bacche, goru ke bacche... sab kitne chote aur pyare hota hain naa

[Oldposts]

A sardar bought a thermos and asked his friend what to do with it. His friend said it keeps warm things warm and cold things cold. He took it to work the next day and his boss asked "What is in your thermos?" The sardar said "Two cups of chai and some ice cream."

[Oldposts]

A Politician was hit with a ball and got hurt. Who was he?

Ball Thackerey

Who is suitable for the Finance Minister?

"Money" Shankar Iyer


How do you call the drawing room of Chandra Babu Naidu?

Naidu Hall

Who is the most frightening politician?

Vaj "Payee"

Who is the Co-Brother of former president V.V.Giri ?

Mu.Ka.Azha"giri"

Teacher : Name 2 "Singh"s who has no beard
Student : Neetu Singh, Amrita Singh

How do you call the fate of Mayavathi

Maya"vithi".


Teacher : Which is the Swamy responsible for Creation?
Student ; Vishnu
Teacher : Excellent. Which is Swamy responsible for destruction?
Student : Subramanya Swamy

[Oldposts]

What is Kofi Annan's brother name?
Kofi Thambi

[Oldposts]

No more sardarji jokes, hence forth;
only 'Prime Minister' jokes
:-)

[Oldposts]

Santa: Look Banta, what type of glasses they've made. The top is closed. How can u fill lassi in it?
Banta: yes, that's funny. And even if u make hole at the top, how will lassi stay in glass when bottom is open??

[Oldposts]

good jokes...

sardar opens yoghurt lid in the store.....when asked he says "it was written on the lid..'open here'"

[Oldposts]

a sardar was scrating his head on itching - i mean helmet while riding his bike. Someone asked "what is the use"

sardar replied... "Oye per me khujali aayi to tu pant utarta hai kya"

[Oldposts]

Joke Of The Millenium !!!

TWO SARDARS WERE PLAYING CHESS !!!!!

[Oldposts]

How do you keep a SARDAR busy?
Put him in the round room, and tell him to sit in the corner.

[Oldposts]

ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED
SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY,
WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES..
MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD,
MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI ,
MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON.
SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!

[Oldposts]

Banta Singh and Santa Singh got tired using cell phones and for a
change decided to use really ancient methods of communication. They
decided to use pigeons to send messages. So they went and bought
expensive carrier pigeons from the Jama Masjid market in old Delhi
and found to their joy that the pigeons indeed could be trained and
the birds very easily learnt to return directly to their respective
homes. And so this scheme worked very fine.
One day Santa sends his pigeon. When the pigeon reaches to Banta it
is with out message. Banta picked his mobile and asked Santa "What
is this joke? The pigeon is without any message!!!"
Santa said "Oye khoteya, this was a missed call.".........lol......

[Oldposts]

"Help.... the Titanic is going to be drowned...."
Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God...
Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship.
Italian : How far is land, from here ?
Sardarji : Two miles .
Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise.
I have got the experience of swimming even more.
The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up
to the layer to ask something again.
Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here ?
Sardarji : Downwards... !!

[Oldposts]

1)Sardarjee to Sunita: "I want to marry you"
Sunita: "But I am one year elder to you."
Sardarjee: "No Problem, then I will marry you next year."

2)Q:) Why does sardarji brings binoculorses in his own marriage?
A:) To see his far reletavies.
3) Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two
beers took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them.
"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner.
So the two sardars swapped (exchanged) their sandwiches.

[Oldposts]

A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate
Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education
on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer
two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not
the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only
12 seconds in a year?"
The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word

[Oldposts]

Three Indian soldiers, Jai Reddy (Tamil), Joy Basu (Bengali), and Santa
Singh are captured by Pakistani Army. The Pakistani Corp commander does not
want to have them as POWs and has decided to execute them. They are asked
what they wish to have for their last meal.
The Reddy asks for a Masala Dosa, which he is served and then taken away.
The Basu requests a Maach Bhath, which he is served and also taken away.
Santa requests Sarson da saag and Makki di roti. The captors are surprised
and ask 'Sarson?'
'Yes, Sarson.'
'Arre Sarson to is season mein aati nahin hai!'
'Koi gall nahin. Asee intezaar karanga...'

[Oldposts]

can you tell me the female form for mr.MANMOHANSINGH?
WO-MAN MOHAN SINGH!!!!!!!!!!

[Oldposts]

two persons standing in the top of 112th floor of a tall building. they saw their's friend passing in the road. A SARDAR: hey RAM(shouted loudly....) ANOTHER:while seeing him in a binocular as a close image ane say hey ram(in very low voice)

[Oldposts]

BEPPO SINGH QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE. Friend: What are you looking at? Beppo Singh: I know your PIN no., hee, hee. Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it? Beppo Singh: four asterisks!

=========================================
sardarji: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
MAN: "It's 3:15."
sardarji: (puzzled look on his face) "You know, it's the wierdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

regards hasha
Hasham_anwer@hotmail,com

[Oldposts]

BEPPO SINGH QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE. Friend: What are you looking at? Beppo Singh: I know your PIN no., hee, hee. Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it? Beppo Singh: four asterisks!

=========================================
sardarji: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
MAN: "It's 3:15."
sardarji: (puzzled look on his face) "You know, it's the wierdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

regards hasha
Hasham_anwer@hotmail.com

[Oldposts]

one day a sardar goes to a grocery store and finds cats food on sale , so he buys all, when he comes to the cash counter, the owner was surprised and thought that he will feed cat's food to his children, so he asks him to bring his cat , and to take the food,, sardar brings the cat, and takes the food.

after a week sardar comes to the grocery store again, and founds dogs food in grocery store, and takes all of them, again the owner was surprised and thinks that he has a cat and cannot have a dog, and will feed dogs food to his children , so he asks him to bring his dog , and to take the food,, sardar brings the dog, and takes the food.

again after a week , sardar come with a bag, and asks the owner to put his hands in the bag, owner puts his hands in the bag , and screams , hey this is a shit, and sardar replies calmly, yes, can i have some toilet papers.

[Oldposts]

There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, ;Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?; .....comes the reply, ;Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar brain tumour se mara hai!!!;
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
One day Sardar happened to see a marathon race.
"What the guys are doing" asked the sardar.
" We are running a marathon. The winner will get prize" replied one runner.
"Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!" Exclaimed the Sardar

Regards

Hasham :D
Hasham_anwer@hotmail.com

[Oldposts]

Once an Italian, a Muslim and a Sardar (Santa Singh) had a meeting with British General.
British: “Italian, what is the national flower of your country?”
Italian: “Lilly”
British: “Oh, I clean my tatti with it.”
British: “Muslim, what is the national flower of your country?”
Muslim: “Lotus”
British: “Oh, I clean my tatti with it. Now he asks our Santa Singh the same question. Santa, what is the national flower of your country?”
Santa Singh: “Cactus, le aab kar le saaf .”

[Oldposts]

Hey guys, stop this nonsense, please. The jokes are funny when it is on someone else, aren't they? You may know them as Sardar jokes, but these very same jokes are all over the world about other different peoples too. Yes, these very same jokes are said about Indians too.

Just replace your own ethnic community's name with the word Sardar, and you won't find the joke all that funny, would you, that is, if some other community is telling that joke!

[Oldposts]

4 hi-tech inventions by a sardarji 1)paddle powered wheelchair 2)solar powered torch 3)waterproof towel 4)book on how to read

[Oldposts]

ek sardarji ke piche ek kutta pad gaya . sardarji chillaye "mainne to IDEA ka sim dala tha fir yeh HUTCH ka network kyun aa raha hai ?"

[Oldposts]

hai says a sardar.bye says the other

[Oldposts]

Santa Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made. The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?' Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top, how will the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'

[Oldposts]

teacher:Ram come and show where is AMERICA in map?????
RAM went there and shows it infront of class
TEACHER: somu(A SARDAR) tell me who discovered america?
SOMU: its RAM.
TEACHER:???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Oldposts]

hai the sardarji jokes were nice
i enjoyed a lot
i am a fan of sardar
i expect more jokes from u
i tell u a joke
WHAT A SARDAR WILL DO AFTER TALKING A XEROX COPY?
HE WILL CHECK THE SPELLING MISTAKES

[Oldposts]

sardar introducing family to his friends:

"hi i'm sardar and this is sardarney, this is my kid and this is my kidney."

[Oldposts]

the joke of santa vs the british general ..... waz real nice.....
once in a while i saw a ufo....
now i can also talk about hearing an intillegent sardar

[Oldposts]

1) Once a sardarji tries to cheat the Indian railways. He thinks hard for a novel idea. He thinks a lot and finally he did it: he bought the ticket and didn't travel.

2) Once a sardar calls another sardar on the phone and says "Hi, Main Bol Raha Hoon". The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain, Ithe Vi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"

[Oldposts]

3) Height of stupidity: 2 sardarjies sitting on a motorcycle & fighting for a window seat.

4) Did you hear about the sardarji who is so rich he has two swimming pools, one of which is always empty?
It's for people who can't swim!

5) Sardarji calls Air India, "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?'
"Just a sec" says the customer service assistant.
"Thank you" says the Sardarji and hangs up.

[Oldposts]

excellent collection // want more // all of my friends enjoyed the jokes // great entertainers // thanx a million for all that


regards,
Rajesh (Mumbai)

[Oldposts]

it is good but there is only few jokes in the site
it would be better if there were more n solid jokes
thanks
<a name="last"></a>

[thomas]

One Sardar happens to be smartest among all other sardars,
Once wanted to transfer some files form one PC to another PC.

Following was the steps followed by him.

1)Right clicked the mouse on the file which he wanted to transfer and
selected cut option.

2)Disconnected the mouse from that PC

3)Took that mouse carefully and connected it to the other PC where he
wanted to copy that file

4) And trying to paste it there....!!!!!!!!!


Balle Balle....

[thomas]

This is not a Joke..............it happened.......our great rajanikanth is the reason for that

Subject: Newton - The Father of Physics committed suicide, you know why?


Here are the reasons.

Once he came to India and He watched a few Tamil movies and had his head
spinning He was convinced that all his logics and laws in physics were just
a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done. In the movie
of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went
paranoid.
Here are a few scenes:

1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be
cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great
Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his
ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured. Long Live Rajanikanth.

2) In one of the movies, Rajanikanth is con! fronted with 3 gangsters.
Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet.

Guess, what he does.......

He holds a knife in his hand and throws at the middle gangster & shoots the
bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces and kills
both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the
middle one.

3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but he
has no bullets in it. Guess what he does. Nah not even in your remotest
imaginations.

He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots,
Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then,
he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang...
And the gangster dies....

This was too much for our Newton to take and he was completely shaken and
he decided to go back. But he happened to see a movie for one last time! and
thought that at least one movie will follow his theory of physics. The whole
movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops not so
fast.

The Climax finally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on
the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries
like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to
desperately kill the villain because its the climax. (Newton dada is smiling since it
is virtually impossible).

Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pocket (Probably a backup). He
throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached the height of the wall, he
shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air, with his second gun. Now the first gun
fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton commits Suicide.

May god rest his soul in peace.

Hope they don't show Tamil movies in Heaven.

Otherwise his soul would break into pieces.



BOLO RAJANIKANTH KI JAI

[hehehewalrus]

Hi friends,
Though most of your posts are well intentioned, the title of this thread is very racist and demeaning. It needs to be modified or the thread can be deleted. Hope Admin will take notice

[phantom363]

i agree. the title must be changed.

[nirosha sen]

Hey guys, I had read that piece by Thomas in our Malaysian newspapers!! It was actually abt Vijayakanth not Rajini!! And yeah, it was equally a howl, for the rest of us to read then as now!!

One has to agree on how ridiculous this self-serving actor turned politician is!! I mean to continue making these kind of movies even now????? Beats me, Pa :lol:

[mellon]

i agree. the title must be changed.

Phantom: Why dont you come up with something of your own?

I am tired of seeing you saying YES BOSS to every others' comments.


Anyway, folks:

IT was HUMBLY REQUESTED by the FOUNDER *Not to take the title as racist slur*. THE AUTHOR's intention is justified long back by himself! It is too late for changing the title NOW. I think it is unfair if the title changed after all these years. I dont see why can not one of you start another thread with the TITLE you think as apt and go on with whatever you wish? Please leave this thread and its title and, kindly leave this thread if it bothers you so much.

[Querida]

Hey guys, I had read that piece by Thomas in our Malaysian newspapers!! It was actually abt Vijayakanth not Rajini!! And yeah, it was equally a howl, for the rest of us to read then as now!!

One has to agree on how ridiculous this self-serving actor turned politician is!! I mean to continue making these kind of movies even now????? Beats me, Pa :lol:

Nirosha! :D
Yes when i was reading the actions..i was thinking sounds like Vijayakanth's fight scenes moreso than Rajini's...i still remember that ridiculous matrix scene in supermarket...i know in Citizen the same kind of movements were used but they looked more appropriate....

[Bad Boy]

Please leave this thread and its title and, kindly leave this thread if it bothers you so much.
The morning has broken
The Bad Boy has spoken:
So sei es!

[a.ratchasi]

That piece appeared in the letters to the editor column
by one Prof in an attempt to demean tamil movies.

The joke lost its charm;instead it reflected the writer's third rate mentality.

Later, he mentioned all was written in a jest only..that too after he was rebutted by other readers...

For your reading:
New Straits Times, 28 June 2004

Even Newton would faint at some scenes in Tamil movies By Prof Shaukat Mahmood (405 wds) RECENTLY Isaac Newton, the father of physics, made a visit to Earth to watch a movie. He watched a few Tamil movies and his head was in a spin. He was convinced that all his logic and the laws of physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologised for everything he had done. Here are a few scenes from Vijayakanth's movies: Vijayakanth has a brain tumour which, according to the doctors, can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Vijayakanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumour along with it and he is cured. Long live Vijayakanth!

[geno]

Hey folks!

The new Brittania ad for it's Biscuits has a funny take on Rajini's action movies!

That throwing a blade - and shooting at the blade and splitting the bullet into 2 and killing 2 thugs simultaneously - joke, which was earlier written here - is actually the "script" of this Brittania ad!

The actor typifies Rajini's Dark shades wearing, "stylish" ruffian looks! and worse mouths the dialogues like him too!

After spliting the bulet into 2 by shooting it at the blade thrown earlier at the 2 thugs - the "character" which resembles Rajini - delivers this punch line!

There is a background voice which asks:

"idhu enna cinemAvA? illa circus-A??

Guy resembling Rajini:

"kaNNA! ithu eppavumE 50-50!!!"


(50-50 is a recurring theme for the brittania biscuits )

Im sure Rajini fans are thrilled! Rajini is the most "Modelled" character in Tamil ads!

[tamizharasan]

This one is good related to Logic

Logic
Zailsingh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home.
Rajiv: Zailsinghji How is your MBA preparation?
Zail Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv: Logic is very easy.
Zailsingh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: so, logically, your are married.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: So, that means U are a heterosexual.
Zailsingh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Zail: How is your MBA preparation?
Buta: Everything is fine except for the logic.
Zail: Oh, logic is easy.
Buta: Please, give me an example.
Zail: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta: NO, I don't.
Zail: Saala HOMO!!!

[Querida]

i agree with what was said in the jokes thread....i dont think there is any use in separating these jokes from the ones in the joke's thread...may NOV they could be merged as suggested....i know this may seem irrelevant to some ppl but why target one group...i also know some ppl may say that by segregating the joke as a Sardar one it adds to the joke's significance...the same as canadians use the newfoundlanders or quebeckers, the scotlanders/irelanders in british jokes, the french/german in europeon jokes, the texans, the neworleans and the yankees in american jokes....just to name a few...but i find that ppl still laugh at the joke when there is none of this labelling done....and general names are used...

[NOV]

Taking everyone's views into consideration, I have taken the liberty to rename this thread as Indian Jokes, i.e jokes that are particularly Indian. It won't hurt if we learn to laugh at ourselves, would it? :)

[blahblah]

Good enough NOV, though I know Sardarjis won't mind even if you call it Sardar jokes.They are serious enough to learn to laugh at themselves :) .And that's a great quality which many of us don't possess. :cry: I know many Sardars who share their bit of Sardar jokes with us.So lets stop all the fuss and be back to more fun.

[Hemant Trived1]

1. Ek dost ne sardar se poocha "yaar tu hamesha foreign channel kyon dekhta rehta."
Sardar "yaar kuch bijli unki bhi kharcha hone do."


2.

Four Hightech sardar inventions:

1--Waterproof towel
2--Solar powered torch
3--Book on how to read
4--Pedal powered wheel chair.


3. Why did sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it? Guess what

---To avoid side effect!!!


4. Sardar ke bagiche me bahut pedh the. Sardar ne naukar se bola pedho ko pani dal.
Naukar bola "sahib barish ho rahi hai"
sardar : abe budhu chatri pakdke dal na".


5.
Man: sardarji where were u born?
sardarji: punjab.
man: which part.
Sardar: oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in punjab".


6. Lawyer to sardar: Gita pe haath rakh kar kaho ke...

Sardar : yeh kya, sita pe haath rakkha to court me bulaiya. ab fir gita pe haath?


7. Ek teacher ne sardar se puchha
"akal badhi ya bhais "
Sardar bola "sir pehle date of birth to batao".


8. Why was sardarji writing the exam near the door bcoz it was an entrance exam.


9.
Banta's son: dad there is some one on the door 2 collect donations for a swimming pool.
Banta: give him a glass of water.

10.
Santa:I am a proud sardar, my son is in medical college.
Banta: really what is he studying?
santa: he is not studying they r studying him.

[NOV]

Sardar: I haven't slept all nite in the train.
Friend: why?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: why did'nt u exchanged?
Sardar: oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth..

Sardar tells a girl "Come to my house at nite, nobody will be there............. Girl goes at night & really nobody was there( including Sardar).

A sardar went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C. After seeing the Form, he had gone to DELHI for filling up. U know why? Form says " FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".

A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge loss. Do u know what the business was? He opened a Saloon in Punjab!.

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid. A Sardar stands up - we must find & stop her!

Sardar: Why are all these people running?
Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar: If only the winner will get the cup, why others are running?

Sardar had twins; he named them Tin & Martin. Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater. Again twins & named Max & Climax.
Again the same. Disgusted Sardar named them TIRED & RETIRED!

19 sardars went for a film.On asking them why they came in a big group of 19, they replied that the film is only for above 18+..

A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function. Suddenly all relatives beat him. Why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense. Sardar: The future tense is "you will go to jail".

Sardar gets ready ,wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this. Sardar: "I've been promoted as branch manager."

Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth.........WHY? Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light".

Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected". After much thought he wrote : Yes!

Sardar and his family went for a party. He introduces himself - I'm sardar,she sardarnee, the boy my kid &
the girl my kidney....

One sardarji Professor asked a plumber to come to his college. U know why? Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor. At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25th floor: I'm unmarried! At 10th floor: I'm Banta not Santa

On a romantic date Sardar's girl friend asks him "Darling on our engangement will you give me a ring?
He said "Ya, sure what's your phone number?

A dog was chasing a Sardar and the Sardar was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing?
Sardar: I have an Aitel phone but still Hutch network is following me.

Sardar wins 20 crore from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11 crore after deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 crore or else return my 20 Rs back.!

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji. He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"

Postman:- I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet.
Sardar:- why did u come so far? Instead u could have posted it....

What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

Sardar proposed a girl......Girl said: 'I'm 1 yr elder to you'. Sardar said: 'Oye, no problem Soniye, I'll marry you next year.

Why can't sardars dial nine-eleven (911) at emergency?
Becoz, they can't find the eleven on the phone.

Sardar and his wife buy coffee in a shop. Sardar says: Drink quickly. Wife asks: why?? Sardar says: hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10.

A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll you divide, you've 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply next year.

Sardar's wish: when i die, i wanna to die like my grandpa who died peacefuly in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving....

Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.

Flash news: A two seater plane crashed in a Graveyard in Punjab. Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..

A man asked Sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.

Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. Man says "Chin Yu Yan" and dies. Sardar goes to China to find meaning of friends last words. It is "you're standing on the oxygen tube!!"

Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed. His wife asked: what you are doing? He said: i'm seeing how i look while sleeping.

A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels,
but he always started reading from the middle. A friend of his asked why he did so? "It'z doubly interesting", said the Sardar. "to start from the middle keeps one curious not only about its conclusion but also about its beginning.

[Querida]

alright NOV-san however much i did rant on how inappropriate it was to target Sardarjis i have to admit those were very hilarious :rotfl:
yet i still stand by my point that instead of Sardar you sould have used John and the laughter would not cease...and by John yes i am saying it's ok to target americans :P

[a.ratchasi]

10.
Santa:I am a proud sardar, my son is in medical college.
Banta: really what is he studying?
santa: he is not studying they r studying him.



:lol: :lol: :lol:

[geno]

Sardarji and his girl-friend were very impatient to get on with it ;)

Sardarji asked his girl-friend to come to his home on Sunday evening, and said that none would be home at that time.

His girl-friend went o sunday evening, and tru to sardar's words - NONE were in the home including sardarji! :lol:

[NOV]

Geno, you have repeated the joke - see my 2nd joke. :D



A Patel family in gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was very tighly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it. When their open the lid, the found a letter on top:

Dear brothers and sisters,

I am sending our mothers body 2 u, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Gujarat. Sorry I could not come along as all of my paid leave are consumed.

You will find inside the coffin, under Ma's body, 12 cans of cheese, 10 packets of chocolate and 8 packets of Badam. Pliz divide all this among all of u. On Ma's feet u will find a new pair of Reebok shoes(size10) for Mohan. Their are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshim's sons. hope the sizes are correct.

Ma is wearing 6 American T-shirts. The large size is 4 Mohan. Just disribute them among ur selves. 2 new jeans that Ma is wearing are 4 the boys. The swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ma's left wrist. Shanta Aunty, Ma is wearing the necklace, earings and ring that u asked 4. pliz take them off her. The 6 white cotton socks that Ma is wearing must be divided among my nephews.

Please distribute all these uniformly and if anything more required let me know as Bapa isalso not feeling too well nowadays......

Thanks
Your loving Sister,
Radhika

[Cindy]

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

[Querida]

that last joke was too much...guess a great way to get around customs:lol:

anyways my first ever Sardarji joke :D : can i have some bhangra remix music to bring it in? 8) :P

Sardar walks into a bar, orders three pints of "Beer" and sits in
the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he
finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The Sardar replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in
America, the other in Dubai, and I'm here in Punjab. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it
there.

The Sardar becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars
notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

The Sardar looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he, says, "everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."

[scorpio]

Querida,

:lol: :lol:

U've revived this thread after a long time!

[NOV]

Doctor : I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.

Santa : Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)

Doctor : Did you understand what I just told you?

Santa : Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?

Doctor : Then why are you so happy?

Santa : Because that proves that I have a brain!

[NOV]

An Indian, French and Chinese went for a job interview in England.
Before the interview, they were told that they must compose a sentence in English with three main words: green, pink and yellow.

The Indian was first: "I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun, see the green grass and I think to myself, I hope it will be a pink day."

The French was next: " I wake up in the morning, I eat a yellow banana, a green pepper and in the evening I watch the pink panther on TV.

Last was the Chinese : "I wake up in the morning, I hear the phone "green green", I "pink" up the phone and I say "Yellow"

[podalangai]

A man stumbles up to the only other person in a bar and asks if he
can buy him a drink. "Of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks, "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds, "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's
have another round to Ireland."
"Of course," replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks, "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's
have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, "What school did you
go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's
and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the
bar.
"What's been going on?," he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Mally twins are drunk
again."

[arihantarihant007]

awesome jokes! wait till I pour in my collection of sardars!!

[arihantarihant007]

y do sadars wear a pagdi??



kyunki har kachre ke dabbe par dhakkan hota hai!! :twisted:

[arihantarihant007]

guys don't repeat any jokes!! :evil: :twisted:

I finished reading all da pages, bu still I find same people repeating da same stuffs!!! :evil: :evil:

[NOV]

Three friends are working in a company which is on the 20th floor of a tall building in Bombay. One is a Tamilian, the second is a Bengali and the third is a Sardarji. Every day the three meet in the lunch hall and have their lunch together.

One day the Tamilian opened his lunch box and found idlis in the box. He says " I am fed up of eating these idlis daily. If I find idlis in the box tommorow, I will jump from the 20th floor and die"

Next the Bengali opens his lunch box and finds fish in it and says "If I find fish in my lunch box tommorow, I am going to jump from the 20th floor of this building and die".

Next the Sardarji his lunch box and finds parathas in it and says "Mother promise, if I find parathas in my box tomorrow I am
also going to jump from the 20th floor"

Next day the three friends meet in the lunch room for lunch. The
Tamilian opens his lunch box and finds idlis and jumps from the 20th floor and dies.

The Bengali opens his lunch box and finds fish in it and jumps from the 20th floor and dies.

Sardarji opens his box and finds parathas and he also jumps from the 20th floor and dies.

In the combined funeral held for all the three friends by their
colleagues, the Tamilian's widow says "I did not know he hated idlis so much. If I did, I would have packed something
else for his lunch"

The Bengali's widow says "I did not know he hated fish so much. If I did I would have packed something else for his lunch".

The Sardarji's widow says "I do not understand what went wrong. My husband always packs his own lunch"