""LOVE MARRIAGE VS ARRANGE MARRIAGE:""

[Oldposts]

Topic started by CHANDAN SINGH BISHT (chandan@nainital.info) (@ bayliss.coventry.ac.uk) on Mon Jan 21 13:36:36 .




Which one you want?????!!!!!! Choice is yours

Love marriage vs Arranged marriage:

Which one do you want??!!

1. Love Marriage:

Resembles procedural programming language. We have
some set functions like flirting, going to movies
together, making long conversations on phone and then
try to fit all
functions to the candidate we like.

Arranged Marriage:
Similar to object oriented programming approach. We
first fix the candidate and then try to implement
functions on her. The main object is fixed and
various
functions are added to supplement the main program.
The functions can be added or deleted.

2. Love Marriage:
It is a throwaway tye of prototype as client
requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic
system and difficult to maintain.

Arranged Marriage:

Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall
model is possible.

3. Love Marriage:
Family system hangs because hardware called
parents
are not responding.

Arranged Marriage:
Compatible with hardware i.e Parents.

4. Love Marriage:
You are the project leader so u are responsible
for
implementation and execution of PROJECT- married
life.

Arranged Marriage:
You are a team member under project leader parents
so they are responsible for successful execution
of project Married life.


5. Love Marriage:

Client expectations include exciting feature as
spouse cooking food,washing clothes etc.

Arranged Marriage:
All these features are covered in the SRS as
required features.

6. Love Marriage:

Acceptance test possible you can try before you
Buy.

Arranged Marriage:

Product is sold as it is where it is basis.
Product once sold will not be taken back.

[Oldposts]

Love marriage for me

it's me who's going to live with my husband. so, i have my say in the choice. i can't let my parents choose my life partner for me. but if they don't approve the one i love, i won't get married till my family accepts this union.

[Oldposts]

Love marriage, u luv, then divorce {hpns mosta the time}
Arranged marriage, u learn 2 luv each other the proper way {I MEANT MENTALLY and PHYSICALLY}

[Oldposts]

love marriage/ arrange marriage: i believe in my religion their is no such thing as arrange marriage or love marriage it is a tradition that society has followed i follow my religion in islam that i will marry someone who i can spend my life preparing for here and after!i will only marry with my parents blessings as they should be happy for me if not then i shall not marry untill they do.

[Oldposts]

m perece horrible xq no hay logik la pareja no c kiere , noc xq hay gente q casa x interes CARAJO!!!!!!!! sera x dinero o x vacilonga !!!!!!!!!!! ag q asko m dan pena las personas q c casan x interes np tienen vida !

[Oldposts]

arrange marriage according is more suitable because luv starts growing after marriage or during n tends to grow stronger while in love marriage by the time its marriage time all the spice of luv n romance is in the process of diminishing

[Oldposts]

Truth is, in arranged marriages it is the families that select each other to marry. The couple is only the secondary consideration! At least in love marriages, you marry someone you do know and have developed a fondness for. It is a myth to say that sex dies down early only in love marriages. All marriages eventually undergo this dilemma when other considerations take precedence like children and other mundane matters of existence. Worse still, if we have to share premises with other fly members like in-laws!!

[Oldposts]

Well All my life i guess i was never able to decide what i wanted and in the end got into a love marriage, the initial year was hell. Wondered what i had done. But later things have gotten better and atleast to a agreeable state, Things r not atall what i dreamt of sexually, mentally etc. So all u gals and guys unless the product is tried and tested dont take it home, my lesson in life which i have learnt the hard way.

[Oldposts]

Bluebee, what do you mean by the product is tried and tested? Did you not date and plan for your future together? Did you not have privacy at all to let your love grow? Did you not have a connection physically and emotionally before you married?

If your problems started after marriage, it's probably because of the lack of a support system. Most Indian families are pretty hostile and negative towards love marriages anyway. Their expectation of the couple to iron out every wrinkle is high that the rest of the family either remains aloof or gets too meddling!

[Oldposts]

Well Nirosha, my marriage was a mix of arranged and love, as my parents found the proposal and boy, butwe chatted on the internet and exchanged a lot of information and felt we really wanted to be with each other. So when my parents and his parents were ok with it we got married so we didnt really go out on dates or sit face to face and talk much at all. The entire process was internet based. (lives in US)
The reason i write this is so that all u gals and guys who might be doing this beware even if u have spent a year talking to each other on the net go out a few times to see how the person behaves when u talk what interest this person really has etc.
Dont spoil ur lives beleiving that love is blind etc. Be practical if something seem not ok u dont have to go thru with it. U will always meet somebody else.

[Oldposts]

In love what u do u get married ur lover becomes
ur husband /wife..
so love ends there.
what is marriage
till u tie a manglasustra/ ring /registered
ur marriage ends there.
ur life starts after marriage
so arranged marriage is got more mileage than the luv marriage.

[Oldposts]

I personally feel arranged marriage is good. Mine is arranged marriage and I live happily with my wife for the past 3 years.
One advantage with love marriage especially for girls is, in case of any problems with the buy like boozing, affiars etc, we can have the whole family behind us in getting the problem solved.
One more thing which I liked is the way kids grow in arranged marriage, they have a clear idea as to who they are, whats their language, basically where they stand. One of my cousin got love married, both of them speaking different languages, basically of different cultures... Now his son is a mixture of the two, the other kids in our family don't move with this poor guy very much, with my cousin there are issues related to culture like celebration of festivals, how the kid should grow etc etc...
Love marriage is good until you get married, the misic starts only after marriage. Many problems start comming up, which in real like are not at all problems.

[Oldposts]

Don't you think a guy who goes into love marriage betrays his parents?, betrays the trust they have in him?? All the excuses like "Love is Divine" etc is fine, but I'am talking about the time when he first gets the idea to love someone... When a guy who can betray his parents who had taken care of him in the early years, what is th guarantee that he will not ditch this girl one day when he meets a very good looking girl????

Think it over...

[Oldposts]

That's right, arranged marriages have more support. Families actually pick each other for convenience. The couple's needs are second.

Being in love is not wrong, neither is it always looks based. A lot of it is based on comfort. Being comfortable with each other that you could talk about everything and anything. Anyway, I can't argue much. I just married my husband after we dated for over 2 years. We're okay with each other.

[Oldposts]

Arrange marraige is good than love marraige because i got arrange marriage. and i am happy with this.

thanks

[Oldposts]

I reckon arranged r much better, obviously coz the love actually starts after marriage. There is no point ov marryin sum1 you love coz its like ending LOVE!!! Also another thing is that if u love sum1 it dunt mean u hav to get the person.
Arrange is betta in many wayz coz parents can sort problems out, u dnt really hav to b comitted to ur husband, love is interestin afta marriage, coz u wanna hav a fresh start afta marriage!!! wot do u reckon GUYZZZZ???

[Oldposts]

If the marriage works out well for the couple, then it's certainly made in heaven. But in real life, there are complications that gets in the way. Dowry is one reason why many families quarrel over and it certainly affects the couple. Living arrangement is the other where everything maynot be to one's satisfaction, etc. We humans grow-up as conditioned beings in our maternal homes that the litmus test of standing up for ourselves, etc comes from living independently from the birth home.

Many love marriages come under extreme pressure from the families as it's deemed inappropriate culturally. So opposition is considered the 1st option and not closing ranks in order to smoothen the transition from single life to married life for the couple.

[Oldposts]

I think it's great that you guys have had awesome experiences with arranged marriages, but it seems like the reason why you don't find love marriages acceptable is purely for the fact that you haven't experienced it.

I'm sure that if you had found your significant other through a love marriage, your opinions would be slanted. But honestly, each to their own. I also believe it's great to have family support in each facet of your life since they play such an important role. But I think the above poems/views/analogies between love and arranged marriages are a product of our long instilled thoughts that have been embedded, basically by our families.

[Oldposts]

If the chance arose where you found Mr or Ms Right, I'm sure as hell you would jump at the chance. But don't put love marriage down on unfounded beliefs. Life is full of opportunities and sometimes the experience of companionship is so wonderful.

So, the point of my post, do what makes your heart happy. Don't feel held back by family where you shouldn't have to, otherwise you end up resenting your family because you had to make a compromise between yourself and them. But, as with everything, there are limits to what you should and shouldn't do, which I'm sure you guys also agree on. But don't make misconceptions on love marriage, as it appears those in arranged marriages have never had the chance to experience a relationship before marriage.

[Oldposts]

Create harmony and love amongst yourselves and the next generation...the world is so cruel and separated already, why add to it when you can create happiness through respect?

Think about it. I'd love to hear your thoughts on what I have said.

[Oldposts]

Sorry to ramble....but as an after thought, for all you good desi's....have you ever realised that NO ONE in Bollywood movies ever has an arranged marriage??

A country that relishes on love movies, music and romance, and yet you guys find love marriages to be terrible...isn't that a bit of a contradiction?

[Oldposts]

its not love or arrange marriage that makes the marriage more successful,its all about how understandingly u take it n its upto u to make it or break it.bcoz v ourselves r responsible for everything be it good or bad.

[Oldposts]

its not love or arrange marriage that makes the marriage more successful,its all about how understandingly u take it n its upto u to make it or break it.bcoz v ourselves r responsible for everything be it good or bad.

[Oldposts]

I sooo totally agree with you Pooja! :D

I think in both situations, no matter what happens, you end up finding something that you both disagree on. You can't blame the type of marriage you opted for to blame such things...it's what makes up human.

[Oldposts]

Some pary to marry the man they love, I humbly pray Heaven above, That I love the man I marry.

[Oldposts]

**Pray

[Oldposts]

**Pray

[Oldposts]

wei this is really good da mariage is a instituition

[Oldposts]

we can't define love bcz love pray to .love may be attration alse so after the marriage this attracction can be change in to love

but in to arrange marriage love comes after the marriage. so its not necessory that ur life partner loves u
so i prefer love became arrange

[Oldposts]

janty tu kyun nahi manty wen u get dik in ur cunt n azz afta marriage it becomes love lol i fink its betta to hav arrange marriages...

[Oldposts]

arrange marriage dpends on commitement between both Mr n Mrs it depends as long a they both understand each other

[Oldposts]

kaushik,kaustav,amit & raj give their opinion as below:-
since boys like us don't like to cajole any girl for our emotional & physical gratifications,so we would advise any cassanova like us to aim straight for an arranged marriage which is totally BINDAAS !!!

Cassanovas Forever
NO THANKS!!

[Oldposts]

Either way suits me. A love marriage will normally break down with harsher side effects, but it offers greater rewards.

[Oldposts]

Either way suits me. A love marriage will normally break down with harsher side effects, but it offers greater rewards.

[Oldposts]

Its funny that ppl ask which is better "Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage"... Its like asking which is better... Being murdered or committing suicide!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Oldposts]

LMAO!!!!!!!

;=))))

[Oldposts]

arrange marriages are better than love marriges
arrange marriages- moved from friendship to respect, to love whearas love marriages- move from physical attraction to love and then acceptance or to hate
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[Shiju]

now thats a good one , i was in love earlier . met in college and fell in lonve .. both were from diffrent community ...she left me as there she says there was problems and pressure facing from her parents ...
yes she did follow her parental wish .. but what about me .. my life is what she ruineds ... i say that if you are strong and commited then only then you should go ahead

[TamilenUir]

I Liked this quote... :lol:

Its funny that ppl ask which is better "Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage"... Its like asking which is better... Being murdered or committing suicide!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For me Arranged marriage is better, my marriage is arranged one and I'am leading a very happy life.
If we take into account the below facts:
a) Two/more heads are always better than one
b) Our parents have brains and with their vast experience, they shall guide us well and
c) Our parents will do always good to us.
Tell me people here with kids, how many of us would like to ruin our children's future?? none right :D

I feel in all respects Arranged marriage is the right one...

[Shakthiprabha.]

Two or more heads is good for practical decision making.
When emotions are involved, THE MAIN 2 CONCERNED individual
SHOULD BE emotionally entangled.

I REFUSE TO give full credit to love after marriage, love can crop up, afater marriage, I dont deny it. IT IS MANDATORY. No CHOICE.
When u are left with no choice, u but yield to the only choice
AVAILABLE. It may turn out good or bad.

All I wanna say is LOVE CUM ARRANGED MARRIAGE
or
ARRANGED CUM LOVE MARRIAGE is the BEST

I DISAGREE that arranged marriage IS THE BEST.


Bickerings and divorces result in both marriages.

[Cindy]

Be it arranged or love..that issue is only up to the day of marriage... the arranged one is hassle free (though not in all cases) and the the love marriage needs gutts and ability to convince those around (again, not in all cases...)

Then...after the day of ur wedding... it is all the same...

Life then depends on how understanding u are mutually, how much your care, how much respnsible you are ...etc..

Problems and pains would arise between any couple... be it love or arranged...

Then.. it depends how u solve it... I know so many who create jagdas for the way they end them up :wink:

if any couple claim that they never had a problem between... conclude that one among them is a dummy... take my word..

[blahblah]

Oops! Convincing every one!In my case it was like applying for a top job in a Govt Service,attending many interviews and then waiting for the results.Sometimes some one tells you its positive :lol: ,then you get certain queries :? ,you say all the lies about your character :twisted: etc.I am glad that part of my life is over. :D
But I agree fully to Shakthiprabha.Arranged love marriage is the best,I feel 8) .

[Sandeep]

"Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage"... Its like asking which is better... Being murdered or committing suicide!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


So in both cases you are dead :lol:

I agree those who said Arranged love marraige is best.

I would rate it as

1) Love first then have a arranged marraige (with same person).
2) Arranged marraige and then you start to love.
3) Love marraige.
4) Arranged marraige and then no love.

[Reena]

I find myself agreeing with arranged marraiges, eventhough thats the last thing that people would expect me to say. I think that I sould be able to pick things like my majour, etc, etc. but I would leave my marraige up to my parents.

[Dr. Veena]

I don't know. I had an arranged marriage. He's good in many ways but not as Dynamic as I want him to be. For eg, he has not learned nor is ready to learn Driving. He does not take me for trips etc. But yes, he does not drink, smoke or womanise. So, I guess, one must be happy and contented, rite?

But I wish he learnt driving, so that we could at least go for small drives. Sigh!!! :-(

[TamilenUir]

Hello Veena Ji,

one thing is for sure, be it love or arranged marriage we will not get all that we expect. But with the right attitude, approach we can change things as we would like it to be - once again it is in our hands. If you expect some change from your huaband, first set an example yourself for him to oblige yours.
many times we order things in Hotel/ stores for things just for their looks - then we curse ourselves why the hell did I go for it. Love marriages belong to this category as for as I'am concerned.

[davie]

i posted in the other thread that if it becomes mandatory for everyone to first date then marry, then u know even indians will become so much superficial like those americans regarding marriage and divorce.
Love marriage is good, but there are always issues with it. example in my case the gal whom i liked was a hindu.
but everyone has some taste and liking. So love marriage is nice in this regard. we can also know each other better and accept or reject before doing marriage. I will prefer like 75% love marriage and 25% arranged marriage. On the other hand arranged marriage gets its own advantages like u get a special respect from all the relatives including brides and relatives. Searching for brides and bridegrooms itself becomes interesting. petty issues like what veena says cannot be eliminated even in love marriages, unless and until u love him for about 2 years and then marry.

[nirosha sen]

Well, I could never fathom marrying total strangers as tasteful!! I mean in terms of background check, how much would anyone know of the prospective bride or groom???? Everything would be glossed over - from the broker, the respective families concerned, etc. Truth would take a backseat while a rosy picture is all you get from the start to the Muhurtham. So let's not kid ourselves abt the benefits of arranged marriages!!!!

The truth is Indians are an anal community! Anything that smacks of changes from the usual scenario is anathema to their minds! Besides to be honest, arranged marriages are really abt one set of parents who wish to be hitched to another!!! It isn't even abt the couple concerned. It's quite simply a natural violation of their rights, usurped by parents and other elders who think they can decide the young ones' future!

Sorry, if I sound too scathing, but we Indians have too many hang-ups like castes, looks, lingual groups, etc that makes it difficult for an individual to take time to get know people of the other gender!!! Somebody else has to make the decisions even if we are adult enough to do it by ourselves!!

[Reena]

Nirosha,
But isn't it true that there are more divorce cases in Love marraiges then arranged? So don't marriages seem to work more often when its arranged? Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to argue with you, these are just my thoughts. :)

[nirosha sen]

Reena, generally many Indian marriages work, be they arranged or not! It's simply because culturally, we women are brought up to be Nurturers! So be it a chosen husband for us or we exercised the right to chose our spouses independantly, we are equally loving as wives, lovers and mums!

No, I'm not offended you spoke up! It's good we are all sharing our 2 sen worth.

I love my husband! I chose him and stayed by him and bore 2 kids! So no matter what, our marriage has its usual hiccups now and then, but we are generally okay! :wink:

[blahblah]

Reena,probably there are more divorces in love marriages than arranged marriages.I feel this is because the arranged marriage lot are a lot more accomodating than the others who choose for themselves.You see ,they compromise even on their marriage and get married to any one their parents say.They will be ready to accept anything on their stride.

[blahblah]

Nirosha,I think it was Cindy who said if there aren't hiccups in your marriage that means one of you is a dummy :evil: .Believe me,it is there in every 'honest marriage' :oops: ,but where there is true love,little mistakes are forgotten and life flows as smooth as possible. :) Go ahead!

[davie]

if indian culture becomes like that american culture, then thiink how india will be. I think we will be there in another 50 or 100 years.

[Sandeep]

Where ever there are two people one person dominated the other at varrying degree. If both try to dominate their relation cannot go ahead. In case of marraiges it is usually the husband who dominates. The more educated and empowered the women become the less they accept domination from husband and so the relation breaks.

In case of love marraiges

1) women are usually more empowered (after all they had the will to go against thier parents).
2) Fight is always there but in arranged marraige elder people try to resolve it while in love marraige you are all to yourself.

[Reena]

Reena,probably there are more divorces in love marriages than arranged marriages.I feel this is because the arranged marriage lot are a lot more accomodating than the others who choose for themselves.You see ,they compromise even on their marriage and get married to any one their parents say.They will be ready to accept anything on their stride.

Good post. I agree.

[Querida]

Where ever there are two people one person dominated the other at varrying degree. If both try to dominate their relation cannot go ahead. In case of marraiges it is usually the husband who dominates. The more educated and empowered the women become the less they accept domination from husband and so the relation breaks.

In case of love marraiges

1) women are usually more empowered (after all they had the will to go against thier parents).
2) Fight is always there but in arranged marraige elder people try to resolve it while in love marraige you are all to yourself.

Sandeep why are empowered women so threatning? Just because they will stand up for their rights does not mean they are still not able to be good wives....is it not better that one lets you have authority because they love and respect you rather than because they are afraid or forced to be so? I dont think one has to dominate the other....i think the key is COMPROMISE....

[xlntbarani]

love or arranged....
whatever it maybe ...
the problem and the solution is within the combination...
the circum may induce or may not ... but there is nothing to blame on the circum, men, women or any.

Its for sure, that the problem and the solution is within the minds.

The topic is enjoyable to argue... but wont find an end...!?

[Sandeep]

Where ever there are two people one person dominated the other at varrying degree. If both try to dominate their relation cannot go ahead. In case of marraiges it is usually the husband who dominates. The more educated and empowered the women become the less they accept domination from husband and so the relation breaks.

In case of love marraiges

1) women are usually more empowered (after all they had the will to go against thier parents).
2) Fight is always there but in arranged marraige elder people try to resolve it while in love marraige you are all to yourself.

Sandeep why are empowered women so threatning? Just because they will stand up for their rights does not mean they are still not able to be good wives....is it not better that one lets you have authority because they love and respect you rather than because they are afraid or forced to be so? I dont think one has to dominate the other....i think the key is COMPROMISE....

Your theory is right and it will work in the early year of marraige but then slowly the real 'fun' starts. :twisted:

Am I wrong. Tell me married guys and gals :lol:

[Querida]

the only thing that worries me about arranged marriage is how since you have accepted someone and them you...that soon you will be taken for granted...i mean compatibility doesn't always mean compassion or companionship....
there are so many people who have kids together but they do not know the first thing about each other's subtle interests...i know that marriage cannot be solely based on knowing each others interests and opinions...i just don't know how people can share something so personal and yet be so detached as well...as to even see your spouse as a burden or annoyance or even as a competitor.

[Sathya]

I guess that people just fall in "love" with the person their married to, after a while.

[Sathya]

I mean, What is "LOVE" really? Why do yo think people that are young fall in love, but people, say in their 40's or later, usually don't? Its the age, the hormones. Anyone disagree?

[Sathya]

How do you know that you're in love?

[Querida]

i don't think anyone can ever answer your question fully... :D
that's what so enduring and alluring about it 8)

[Sathya]

So you don't agree that its just hormones? or do u? :)

[hehehewalrus]

What is this meaningless thing called "Love marriage"? You mean to say all others are "hate marriages"? marriage means love. love marriage is like the expression "basic fundamentals" :) love na marriage, marriage na love.

[Querida]

no i dont think i could simply define love as an hormonal activity...yes hehehewalrus that is what i think also but it concerns me that it is not the way alot of other people see it....as i said earlier why is love marriage so wrong and arranged marriage so right....or the other way around...Does arranged marriage just mean acceptance and love marriage mean rash decisions why is it so important to point out which is more better...is it not different for everyone whatever they choose...and hence shouldn't the point of this discussion be how hard/easy it is to make a marriage work whatever its cause?

[Sathya]

Quierda,
If its just hormones, then @ that age, a person is going to fall in love with any person of the opposite sex, (or the same sex in some cases) that he or she has acess to. So it all comes down to this.
Love:
Isn't some divine thing. according to Science, its just the work of certain chemicals, that make a person feel certain things towards another.
And that could be felt towards anyone, unless the other individual is just crazy, or wierd for whatever reason. And in arrainged marraiges the rate of divorce is less because bot families are involved in the marraige, so the couple tend to work it out. So I think that Arranged marraiges are better, just for the rate of divorces.
:)

[Sathya]

Then what is love? If not a chemical reaction?

[hehehewalrus]

Querida,
In my view life is a bundle of compromises. Whether you choose ur wife or your parents chose her, you will definitely face clash of interests between you two, situations needing adjustment. Men and women are radically different and have different choices(cooking/playing, walking/driving, meditation/film songs etc)

Love marriage focuses on the fact that guy and girl are made for each other. Period. If you map 20 people from guy's side to 20 people from girl's side, other than bride and groom, no other pair would match :)

In an arranged marriage, they see the family background(wealth, education, way of life, attitudes, qualities etc). When a 10-15 members matches another set of 10-15 members, then it surely wont be such a difficult task for the guy/girl to adjust relative to each other.

And during the occasion that guy and girl are having a fight, these 30 come together to give emotional support and get them together again.
In a love marriage, there is every chance that the first fight will be the dividing fight - high probability of a big explosion.

[Querida]

as i said earlier


I dont think one has to dominate the other....i think the key is COMPROMISE....

i dont know about family intervening all the time...i know of couples being broken up just because the the family would not let the couple sort out their own problems....especially if one live's with the in-laws (whichever side) you are even less likely to get any support for your side....though I dont agree with the other extreme either...because of course your family loves you and even if you are partly to blame they are going to support you..if they didn't then it would only be seen by you as the utmost betrayal....

[nirosha sen]

I agree guys!! Whatever the reaction maybe to the stimulus, a couple falls in love for a whole lot of reasons, Pa!! But like I said earlier, arranged marriage is simply made by parents and elders for their convenience! And in many cases, the marriage is not so much enduring but resignation to one's fate!!

We honestly do not have enough statistics of bad marriages among our conservative society to pull out a rabbit, in the 1st place!! While we maybe quick to condemn the West, at least they do try to come to an amicable solution to an irretrievable situation. And they see no shame to an admission of guilt, if things don't work out!!!

We on the other hand prefer, to bottle up our feelings, have occasional flare-ups and never truly confront the issues, sometimes till the end! Everything is dictated from start to finish. I beg to differ, when someone merely shows you a picture of an intended groom/bride and expects you to nod your head!!! No questions asked, everything is seen to!!!

[Sandeep]

I beg to differ, when someone merely shows you a picture of an intended groom/bride and expects you to nod your head!!! No questions asked, everything is seen to!!!

Hey I have no problems marrying by just having a look at the bride as long the bride is as beauty full as your avatar :lol:

After all you all say after marraige one has to COMPROMISE. At least i dont have to compromise on beauty

[nirosha sen]

No shortage in beautiful Indian women, I grant you that Sandeep! :)

[Dr. Veena]

My posts are always negative- I don't want the others to be affected with my bitterness & negativity. My hubby is good in a lot of ways but he suddenly becomes moody- for no reason at all, for no fault of mine.

It's like we are dressed to go outside- He'll be on the comp downloading or cleaning the virus or whatever. And because of this, we get delayed and then he loses his temper (not violent or anything- just moody) ...............GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'M GETTING SO SICK OF THIS MOODINESS. What did I do to deserve this?????

[blahblah]

Next time,try being late yourself :wink: .He will get the message.Read 'the taming of the shrew' by Shakespeare.You'll get some valuable points. :twisted:

[Dr. Veena]

I have studied that play in school- nothing will change, blahblah.
He'll get MOODIER, that's all!

[Cindy]

Veena,

I have sent a mail to u plz check...

And dont worry..be here in the hub regularly...... be cheerful... forget ur problems... pack up all ur negatives and bad moods... we feel lonely when we believe there is no one around for us... you will never have that thought if u are here regularly....

LIFE IS WHAT YOU BELIEVE:

IF U BELIEVE UR LIFE IS MISERABLE, IT WUD BECOME SO.... JUST BELIEVE UR LIFE IS BLESSED AND BEGIN LAUGH OUT UR WORRIES...BE CHEERFUL...BE HAPPY.... AND SEE HOW THE LIFE OF PPL AROUND U TOO IS CHANGED....

Do not keep worrying about the obstacles and problems in ur life... no problem is born without a solution... do not blame the problem..they are doing very much good to you... u will know that later... the next time u have a problem..dont blame it..look for the solution hiding behind it... and keep smiling :)

Neglect the negatives... Thank God for the positives..

We do not expect another sad post from you... why are we all here for?... Welcome to the world of fun, knowledge, warmth, and care...

Luv Lots of....

Cindy.

[Cindy]

Certain things which we find are very important maybe not so for others...and vice versa... but start enjoying them... then the life is full of entertainements... when u get time later... thank them and explain the "fun" u had with their gesture... and remember it happens in every one's life...

you know what I was very particular about birthdays and anniversaries... the first birthday after our wedding was his... and i gave him a surprise gift... i was embarassed to see him checking the quality and asking me the bill for that ...etc even without a thanx or a smile.... then came my birthday... when in the morning my parents and friends began calling me he asked what is the "visesham"...when i replied its my birthday... the answer was limited to.."Oh is it?" and he went to office... in the evening ...things were as usual... and that made me mad.. not even a birthday wish.. .. i reminded him that he forgot its my b'day... he said, "no i know it is ur b'day.."
and u dint get me anything?..(weeping)
dint get u anything?..what do u want?...
anything...at least a chocolate wud have done ...
Hey..dont be silly..if it was chocolate that u wanted..u could've bought it na...or u should have reminded me when i was going to office.... maturity..little more maturity..now do u want me to go out to get u chocolates??????

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
not on that day...but later...I tried to explain..and we both laughed a lot on that incident ...at the end.. i thought now he understands....

then came our anniversary... and again i bought him a surprise gift. he was just returning from his trip on that day... as he came.. i wished him many happy returns and gave him this gift..and this time he was very happy and thanked me for remembering all the dates...but dint wish me back or gimme anything..... i went mad again, but dint show it out... later in the night ...he whispered... u know what.... i should appreciate ur memory... i dint "remember" it was my birthday until u wished me... thank you so much .... :shock:

what do u guys expect me to say...hmmm... I said...Good...at least now u remembered... the next day i said it was our anniversary and not his birthday...

Just have fun...life is like that... it does not mean that he/she does not love you....

[Cindy]

When one of my cousin was getting married... we were all giving him tips on married life... and my husband announced...boy, the first thing u should do is to jot down her date of birth in all ur handbooks, reminders, and office clipboard... and remember to wish her on that day.... it is a crime to forget that date... and that day i came to know that it has happened to many not only me..'coz many came to me asking...so that happened to u too?

[blahblah]

I just don't understand why some guys are so insensitive :? .I can be sure that all men are not like that 8) .No doubt,there are some dumb fellows :roll: .

[Dr. Veena]

Ohhhhhhhhhh!
Thanks a ton, Cindy, for that sweet, comforting mail. Thankfully, I have not had to face that problem. Though he doesn't remeber other ppl's b'day (even his parents or my parents), he remembers mine and gives me gifts for it. I'm lucky that way.

But i want him to learn driving and move into a new home (with just the 2 of us) or go abroad. Sigh!!! I have to wait........i don't know how many years for that!!!!

[phantom363]

i had this problem when i got married (arranged). in my family, birthdays were a non event. on the first one for my wife after marriage, she was getting all this long distance calls (which she missed because she was away at work) which had no msgs except that it was from her family.

when i heard those msgs i was concerned. but my wife had a long face and did not seem to be concerned. only later in the evening she let out that it was her b'day. i learned my lesson. and since then two days i have never forgotten is her birthday & wedding anniversary (i did this pro actively).

we have been married 24 years. still these are important to my wife. so we remember and celebrate it. my own birthdays, we remember, but true to my wishes, not celebrated.

compromise. and probably the right thing to do.

[Dr. Veena]

Is there any way to get him to learn Driving??????????????

Is there any way to get him to apply for a job outside India?
Please, someone help...before the ultimate happens.

[sonu gopi]

Is there any way to get him to learn Driving??????????????

Do you drive? If not then you take up driving first. Later get your car and then make it a point to take your hubby for a drive, movies and lastly visiting friends. :)

This will make him feel out of place when ppl see his wife driving him around. – could call it male chauvinism? Next thing you know he would be taking up driving lessons and before the blink of an eye he would be standing in front of you with his licence and ready to take you around!! :lol: :lol:

Or get a male friend to send you to work to and fro in his car - jealousy might make him take up driving immediately to take you to work instead! :lol:

Otherwise get him to this thread - let him read your woes - will regret for his actions and decide to do set everything straight just for your delight! :wink:

Hmmm......sure its tough understanding these male species! Just thought of helping a bit. :oops:

**********
SONU GOPI :roll:

[nirosha sen]

Yabba dabba do Sonu!!! :lol: :wink: :wink:

That was the best advice you could give to dear Veena!! Yes, Veena do exactly what Sonu says. Why should you wait for him to learn to drive???? Aren't you a strong willed Tharavadu pennu???? You go Girl, go learn to drive and take HIM for a drive! That'll certainly give all of them the message, believe me!!!!

By the way I drive too, ferrying the kids to school and me to do all my errands. Even my husband likes the country drives this way, as he gets to enjoy the sights better this way!

[mandangi]

In India divorce cases are more in marriages arranged by elders. Dowry problem is also more in marriages arranged by elders.

[Sandeep]

In India divorce cases are more in marriages arranged by elders. Dowry problem is also more in marriages arranged by elders.

Agreed about the dowry thing but the first I doubt. :?

[Querida]

In India divorce cases are more in marriages arranged by elders. Dowry problem is also more in marriages arranged by elders.

Well Mandangi i would think that arranged marriages are less likely to divorce....not because i think they work better...for me whatever way a marriage is made it can either stay or be broken...but that all depends on the people in the union....anyways....first of all with arranged marriages...there is more pressure to stay together....mostly because of surrounding family....also there is more support...i would think marriages that are not arranged (i will not refer to them as love marriages since i should think all marriages should have some love in them 8) ) i would think independent marriages would be more likely to be broken up...especially if family members did not support the union in the first place...which is sad in a way.... :(

your second point i agree with you totally...but more than that what really angers me is when a couple have agreed to pursue their love interest (without family consent) why is it whenever marriage comes along the defiant son all of a sudden is obedient when it comes to dowry? I think dowries should be seen as a mutual thing done by both parties for the couple especially those who have decided for themselves to be together all of a sudden they need money to seal an already made deal??? :? :roll:
furthermore, I also think it is still very disappointing that parents still see dowry as payment to taking away their burden! :evil:

[mandangi]

Agreed about the dowry thing but the first I doubt. :?

In India dowry problem is high. But in cases of love marriages dowry problem is less. One of my known person harassed his wife to bring money from her home even their marriage is love marriage. But such problem is not seen in more of the love marriage cases.

[Querida]

is that all you want to say on this issue Mandangi?

[Surya]

In India divorce cases are more in marriages arranged by elders.

Not true. The divorce cases are more in love marriages. When a marriage is arranged, its not only the groom and the bride, but its the families of both that come in the picture. So people seem to work out their probs one way or another. There are many divorces in arranged ones also, but generally speaking. :)

[Querida]

Surya what sayest thou on dowry issue? :?:

notice we tied for postings? :P

[Surya]

Surya what sayest thou on dowry issue? :?:
:P

Well, to answer your first question. :D

In today's world, I don't think that any self-respecting man would accept dowry. A lot of my friends who got married, (arranged) didn't. My opinion is that the idea of Dowry is basically male prostitution.

[Querida]

ok Nov here's another one you got to get hitched along with Sandeep and Davie :P
but wow really...let's hope your friends are setting not a trend but a everlasting value... :D

[mandangi]

Not true. The divorce cases are more in love marriages. When a marriage is arranged, its not only the groom and the bride, but its the families of both that come in the picture. So people seem to work out their probs one way or another. There are many divorces in arranged ones also, but generally speaking. :)

I am saying true. Not my personal opinion. Some times elders decide marriages against wishes of their children. In those cases there are more possibilities of divorce.

[Surya]

Not true. The divorce cases are more in love marriages. When a marriage is arranged, its not only the groom and the bride, but its the families of both that come in the picture. So people seem to work out their probs one way or another. There are many divorces in arranged ones also, but generally speaking. :)

I am saying true. Not my personal opinion. Some times elders decide marriages against wishes of their children. In those cases there are more possibilities of divorce.

But like you said, SOME TIMES. But generally speaking. :D

[Surya]

ok Nov here's another one you got to get hitched along with Sandeep and Davie :P
but wow really...let's hope your friends are setting not a trend but a everlasting value... :D

I'm sure they are. I'm not sure about men who grow up in India, but all my tamil friends that grew up here have. Hopefully even men in India feel that Dowry is male prostitution. Lets hope that the Dowry system would stop within the next generation. :)

[phantom363]

i think marriage is still a lottery. whether it is arranged or through love, whether it is a stranger or someone whom you know all your life, whether from the same or a different group or country, it is ultimately two people who have to adjust to each other.

in these days, we are also far removed from what you would call your normal support system (family, hometown, culture etc.). so the nuclear family is more like a business arrangement.. varavu and selavu has to balance, supply chain to work efficiently to get the goods in, and distribution efficient to get the goods out.

soo, since none of know how our spouses will react to these everhappening new situations, it becomes a lottery. all we can do, is to pray, that we last out the tough times together, so that we can share the good times...

[Querida]

well said...but it's a shame that you say you cannot account for the reactions of your spouses....by that i mean i think your spouse should one of the people who should be known truly..after all are they not your spouse?

[phantom363]

sorry, i should have said 'would be spouses'.

it is true, that over years husbands and wives become very much alike, one can complete the other's sentence or (even more frightening) thoughts.

the initial few months of getting to know and laying the foundations for the household are the critical ones. if the husband is one who gives and shares, he will find that it pays off in the long run. if the wife is one who gives and shares, she might find that it is a never ending giving, and the only option for her would be to leave the marriage...this is my take on why marriages fail after a long period...

[Querida]

yes i do agree with you....thanx for reinstating now it makes sense why you would not know....it is scary to think that you finish one another's thoughts and sentences..you get a feelings of loss of independence and you feel you are becoming predictable....i imagine that it is so much more pleasant when both want to give and take rather one alone...really i find that sometimes helping out in the house is much much more appreciated then say a gift. Even children learn from this...how many times have i seen neither child nor husband lift a finger while the mother is working away....i cannot say im the perfect child..i know at times i am lazy also..but i know that my father when he helps out it encourages us to do so as well...

[sonu gopi]

Even children learn from this...how many times have i seen neither child nor husband lift a finger while the mother is working away....i cannot say im the perfect child..i know at times i am lazy also..but i know that my father when he helps out it encourages us to do so as well...

You can say that again....again and again! :lol: :wink:

********
SONU GOPI :P

[hehehewalrus]

sonu gopi's avatar is frightening :lol: :lol: :lol:

[mandangi]

Marriage is related to personal life. Either it is love marriage or not it should be decided by self. Person will live more happily if he\she marries according to his\her wish.

[nirosha sen]

:lol: :lol: :lol: God! Save us from all this naivete!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Bad Boy]

:lol: :lol: :lol: God! Save us from all this naivete!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

Ja Niro,
You call for me? Here I am. Why to save you from naivete? You can become serious later. I bless you a long term here on earth.

[Querida]

Marriage is related to personal life. Either it is love marriage or not it should be decided by self. Person will live more happily if he\she marries according to his\her wish.

as i have said before i think we should start to change this 'love marriage' label...say independent marriage...or self-arranged....because there are alot of ppl who are arranged who are in love and vice versa....why is that arranged marriage does not include love in it?

[phantom363]

The concept of arranged marriage starts with the society influencing the need for a man & woman to match, live together, procreate all within the framework of the society. society could be defined as whatever you want - language, nationality and its numerous subdivisions. the pre requisites are a good family (start here), job (must for males), healthy individual &tastes and habits as defined.

What is inculcated into the marriage is respect for each other, regard for each other's feelings and a willingness to adjust. All this are the heart and soul of a business called family.

In the context of this, as time progresses, if love blossoms between the couple, that is an added bonus. In order to have a good marriage, love is not an essential ingredient. It definitely gives oomph to the situation and definitely nice to have.

[Sandeep]

The concept of arranged marriage starts with the society influencing the need for a man & woman to match, live together, procreate all within the framework of the society. society could be defined as whatever you want - language, nationality and its numerous subdivisions. the pre requisites are a good family (start here), job (must for males), healthy individual &tastes and habits as defined.


Are you saying marraige is only for procreation.



What is inculcated into the marriage is respect for each other, regard for each other's feelings and a willingness to adjust. All this are the heart and soul of a business called family.


The only profit from this business of marraige seems to be "children" and "Sex". Why should I putt up (adjust) will someone if I dont love her. Why shouldnt I leave someone if I can find somebody who is better in "procreation" and "sex".



In the context of this, as time progresses, if love blossoms between the couple, that is an added bonus. In order to have a good marriage, love is not an essential ingredient. It definitely gives oomph to the situation and definitely nice to have.

I will live with the bonus.

Oh no I need the Basic pay part of the salary. :wink:

[Querida]

Im sorry Phantom but your view is much too objective for my taste....i would think that even respect and care can be seen as a kind of love...i cannot think of living with someone happily and still not have some feelings for them....im sure there are many ways to live with someone unhappily as to tolerate them and condemn yourself to think ' it is my lot (veedhi) in life' ....but i dont know maybe because of growing up in a western world...i cannot think of the physical part of a relationship being possible without the emotional part of the relationship being there first....i think it is based on expectations...but anyone ever think how awful it would be to find out someone just tolerates them or has settled for them....i mean i dont think love has to be overly 'cinematic' ...it could just be a mutual, platonic sense of companionship...like how you love a friend i guess...if it cannot be more...

[phantom363]

i was only my own interpretation of the origins and definition of an 'arranged marriage' within the confines of the indian society, no matter where it is domiciled. real life is much more complex and there is seldom anything in black or white.

life is a matter of dealing with the shades of grey that one is confronted, something that all of us do everyday.

i agree, clinical dissection of everyday living is not good.

[kiran naidu]

Buddies I loved a girl and as usual something came in the way. In my case it is caste and region.
the girl is a Naicker and I am naidu. From this forum I came to know that Naickers are naidus who migrated to tamil nadu long back.
I told the same to my parents and they thought I am bluffing.
Can you give me any literature I can find about this or anything like that.
your replies really help and I really dont want this to start any caste critisisms or anything like that.
kiran naidu

[balu28]

Well, when you are not that desirable physically, emotionally and mentally, then i guess the arranged, programmed marriage works.

Alot of short, darker skinned indian men face the problem of not finding a suitable girl on their own, due to the fact that women prefer taller, fair skinned better looking males. South indians may not find those who have the fair skin, hence they settle for darker men. But height is still important to the indian females. Physical appearance is a huge problem in america since many people have the eurocentric features which tend to me the most desirable in the world. So the short brown indian man has an even tougher time finding a soul mate in america.

This is not the fault of shorter indian men. They can only try their best to be a decent, loving human being. Maybe it is the women who need to reassess their priorities in what they want from a male.

[scorpio]

Hi Balu28,

If you think short and dark Indian men find problems in getting a aprtner, I guess we have an equal number of such females too. Not all Indian women folks look like Aishwarya Rai.

You seem to be very depressed mate. Lately, in the marriage market, is it?

Can you list out what attributes does an Indian man look for while selecting his bride? If you do that, you will not find that very different from what an Indian bride wants!

[lordstanher]

Hi,
I've been debating a lot myself, abt this controversy between love & arranged marriages.....and now having 2nd thots abt the latter...
now I come from a traditional family and always believed my parents' eternal suggestion of having an arranged marriage as they did, being very fond of our culture and traditions.....also thot its more exciting in a way to hav such a 'unique' system of 'marry & love' in our land, as opposed to the common 'love & marry' of the West!.....I'm currently living in Singapore, but returning shortly to India as I plan to settle there itself and marry an Indian (traditional) gal only.....and thot I'd always find one via arranged marriage.......
but lately, after having heard and seen the various ways our society is deteriorating in terms of culture and values, esp. the way the girls/women in our country are turning out to be today, I've been dreading the thot of marrying sumone I never/hardly knew b4 marriage!
my mind's filled w/ various doubts and fears- nvr mind if she may not be a virgin....wat if the gal I get to marry isn't really the way I expected?? Afterall, neone can pretend to be......wat if I don't know her character?? Even if I trust her, can't trust be betrayed?? And....will there be love in her heart at all??
I've also been advised against arranged marriage by a few friends who say tat this system made sense during our mothers' gen. and today's gals mostly don't want to be the same as their mothers' gen. so y trust them to follow this system...?? They say its always better to marry a gal who really loves u n actually shows tat she cares for u, rather than marry sumone of an unknown character/bkground cos u can't know her just bcos u know wat her parents r like....
neways, I'm in a dilemma after hearing all this so I've really got apprehensive abt going for an arranged marriage! Is there ne way at all to know if I make the rite choice in this system?? I'd appreciate ne help from u guys....

[mandangi]

I am not personally against arranged marriages. I want to say that love marriages are better than arranged marriages. But in India there are many people who oppose love marriages.

[mandangi]

as i have said before i think we should start to change this 'love marriage' label...say independent marriage...or self-arranged....because there are alot of ppl who are arranged who are in love and vice versa....why is that arranged marriage does not include love in it?
There are many cases of failures in arranged marriages. In south India there is tradition of doing marriages between close relatives. By name of relations also they do marriages to their children against their wish. If understanding between man and women is good there is nothing problem with arranged marriage also.

[Querida]

sorry that was actually a rhetorical question...as in i did not expect reasons for no love in such marriages but a acceptance that of course there has to be love in all marriages for them to work...

as for balu...well seems like you really feel for the unfortunate men...yet you seem close-minded about the women...for every short man there is a short women...actually there's tons of short gals...and for dark skinned...well there are alot of us(all shades of brown) who love nothing better than a taller (than us altleast) dark handsome (i mean in personality and heart)...and the few who do like white men well good for them....we could say the same for indian men as well...

[mandangi]

Love marriages should be encouraged. It does not mean hating arranged marriages. There is no rule that all people must fall in love. People who do not fall in love can have arranged marriages.

[nirosha sen]

Now, that's a nugget of truth and enlightenment, Mandangi!! :D

[mandangi]

Some people commit suicide by love failure. There is no need to commit suicide by love failure. We can do many attempts for love. Loving wife after arranged marriage is also not wrong.

[Querida]

Mandangi says:
Love marriages should be encouraged. It does not mean hating arranged marriages. There is no rule that all people must fall in love. People who do not fall in love can have arranged marriages.


Some people commit suicide by love failure. There is no need to commit suicide by love failure. We can do many attempts for love. Loving wife after arranged marriage is also not wrong.

so how many attempts does guy have to make before he knows he's arranged marriage material...even though the soon-to-be wife advocates suicide for the fellow cause she doesn't want to know how she is going to be loved after her arranged marriage...will that still mean he should stick to arranged marriage even though love marriage is encouraged...after all didn't the all previous attemptees already get a taste of this guy's loving...and then up and left....there's got to be something wrong...how many attemptees prove that this guy's just a worthless player if at all that? And then the poor arranged gurl (who has no attempts of her own) has a good understanding that well this guy has been tried on too many times for her liking..

[lordstanher]

I guess that people just fall in "love" with the person their married to, after a while.

Well, tats wat even I've heard.....but tell me- how do u expect 'love' to play a role here if in arranged marriage, the girls/their parents r busy concentrating more on things like guy's job (if hez in the US, no qsns. asked- in most cases!), his salary, income etc....ne specific concerns abt character/manners/nature etc.....??
And they say tat majority of girls nowadays want to marry only guys w/ an income above a certain level! No offence ladies, but aren't we getting a bit too materialistic here?? It was bad enuff for guys to be tat way w/ tat goddam dowry madness in the past, now the girls r following their footsteps- in a way! :(

[blahblah]

my mind's filled w/ various doubts and fears- nvr mind if she may not be a virgin....wat if the gal I get to marry isn't really the way I expected?? Afterall, neone can pretend to be......wat if I don't know her character?? Even if I trust her, can't trust be betrayed?? And....will there be love in her heart at all??

This is why we should take utmost care while choosing our spouse.People can be of any character,both men and women.The girl you may get married to can not be exactly the same way you expect her.As for virginity, the chances that she is previously violated,in our conditions are small.There is no way you, or anyone else for that matter, can be sure about a girl's virginity.

Love simply happens when you[even if unknown to each other till then] start sharing your life and dreams and realise that your future is interdependent and you are going to share the same fate.Nature has put in us the innate ability to love and to be loved by a partner from the opposite sex :) .There will be love in her heart allright.The chances of betraying the trust is small again,or that is what every person who goes into a married life should believe and accept in his heart. :)

It is natural for an unmarried person to have some of these doubts,but when you get married,share your love, and start living for each other,all your doubts will pass away.No woman wantonly abandons her husband or hate him.If they a :) re a bit materialistic,so are we.It is only instinct which forces us to choose the best person possible as our spouse.

Be positive in your heart and marry the person whom you choose.Have self belief and nothing will go wrong.Do not compare her with that odd stray woman you have seen in your youth.

Let your little pearl bring happiness into your life. :D

[Shakthiprabha.]

//Well, tats wat even I've heard.....but tell me- how do u expect 'love' to play a role here if in arranged marriage, //

well, like how love plays a role.... in

* IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHTs or
* due to good looks
* due to good char etc

like that love happens...
when u live with a person for their

* char
* looks
* attitude
* cute lil things...

beleive me, not all who has arranged marriges live loveless life.
Not all who end up doing love marriages, continue to love.

[lordstanher]

Blahblah/Shakti,
Tks a lot 4 ur advice ppl.! Feeling a lot better after reading them! :D
Yea I've realised thru sum bitter (but not my own!) experiences tat girls today will not b 100% the same as u expect them to be.....in fact um, I'd always wanted to marry a girl who dressed traditionally etc. etc.......main reason y I wanted to return to India & settle there......but then I've realised lately tat the i mportant thing is not if they look traditional but if they r traditional at heart! altho in my heart of hearts I do hope I find a girl who still is traditional in everything.....always felt they jus used to look d best tat way :thumbsup: but then the most important thingz r our values/morals, whether or not u drape urself in six-yard lengths of cloth..... :)
And IMO its also important tat girls shudn't go for materialistic issues like guy's salary/income etc.!

[Jameshumma]

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[Bipolar]

.




"Core Competencies (http://hr.ofm.wa.gov/workforce-data-planning/hr-leadership-development/hr-practitioner-development/hr-core-competencies)"


Refers to competencies required in specific professional settings, however, these attributes are arguably also essential for successful personal and social relationships.



"The pressures on our relationships (https://www.relate.org.uk/sites/default/files/the_way_we_are_now_-_it_takes_two.pdf#page=20)"

Report on findings from a survey of over 5,000 people, published by Relate (https://www.relate.org.uk/), a relationship counselling service in the UK.



"Relationship outcomes in Indian-American love-based and arranged marriages (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22897093)"

This study concluded that "The overall affective experiences of partners in arranged and love marriages appear to be similar, at least among Indian adults living in contemporary U.S. society."
However, it has also been argued that the sample size used in the study [was] insufficient for making such inferences (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24340813).



"Reliability prediction and improvement (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reliability_engineering#Reliability_prediction_and _improvement)"

Refers to specific engineering methodologies, however, similar methods can arguably also be used to understand how problems may arise in personal and social relationships.

"Effort Application in an Arranged Marriage: A Game-Theoretic Analysis (http://file.scirp.org/pdf/TEL_2016121414280076.pdf)"
"Making an Arranged Marriage Work: A Game-Theoretic Analysis (http://file.scirp.org/pdf/TEL_2016060317234861.pdf)"




I am NOT trying to argue that "arranged" marriages have better outcomes than "love" marriages, nor vice versa.

.

[Bipolar]

.




"Who do you trust? How data is helping us decide (https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/oct/07/can-technology-help-you-pick-best-babysitter-trust-online-safety-checks)"



.

[Denwiq]

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