insulting behaviour

[j.chenkalvarayan]

hi all,
this thread will put an end to the agonising search for a suitable witty riposte when insults are heaped upon you.or you might just decide that you have to retort
stingingly . then how to go about doing that. this thread will help you. these are selected excerpts from comical books:


how to be insulting with actions: insults that prove that deeds can speak as loud , if not louder than words.how to make yourself infuriating without even opening your mouth, or two fingers.

how to be insulting in banks:

if there isn't a queue , form one by asking the cashier as many questions as you can think of until people behind you get fed up and either go out or move to another window.

arrive at the bank without your cheque book. ask to draw out some cash . forget your account number. give a wrong name. have difficulty in finding any proof of your identity. and do all this either when there's lunch time rush of customers , or just the bank is about to close

try to use one of the automatic cash dispensers , but use it incorrectly. kick the machine and try to open it with your car keys , a pen knife or even your umbrella

if you are hauled in to see the manager arrive with your solicitor or a large dog.

take a tape recorder with you to the meeting with your manager. say nothing the entire time ,but simply record all he says to you. the when he's finished play it back at twice the speed and leave.

eat a raw onion ,or garlic if you can stand it, and try to breathe as close to the cashier as you can while you write your cheque.

when making a deposit use as many forms as you dare, by making mistakes or spilling ink.

if you can manage to spill ink , try to do it on floor as well as the desk and tear sheets of blotting paper from the pads provided.

[j.chenkalvarayan]

how to be annoying in theatres and cinemas:
always try to arrive five minutes after the show has started. arrange to sit in the middle of a row and so make as many people stand to let you in as you can.

try wearing large hats in theatres to block the view for anyone sitting behind.

noisy wrappings on sweets can be unrapped at moments of tension when the rest of the theatre is silent.

try to find out when the first act ends and get up from your seat about a minute before that time. this will get you to the bar first and it will also ruin the final moments of the scene for anyone near you.

if the person in front of you is blocking your view try adopting an irritating cough, or kicking your feet under their seat. nasty,wet sneezes down the back of their neck are also effective in persuading them to look elsewhere for a seat.

keep lighting your cigarette or striking a match to look at the programme.

[Querida]

ha you think our hubbers need pointers on how to be annoying at places.. :twisted: rather how to cure these annoying behaviours would be better...argh i hate to realize how much ppl pay to watch a preformance/movie and then ruin it for everyone because of their ill manners! They should all be stuck in a room with you! :twisted:

[NM]

This thread is insulting enough! :P :evil: :twisted:
Just tell me when & where you'll be , and i'll do all that you've stated above, to test yr theory! :lol: :lol: :lol: :twisted:

[Nerd]

J.C,

have u ever tried any of this?? esp in Tamil Nadu?? sheesh u wud hav been a history now.. what the heck..

sure, waste of a thread!! is this what people want to know??

[j.chenkalvarayan]

people,
the intention behind opening this thread is to make people laugh. if you don't share my sense of humor, just ignore it. why do you unnecessarily post humiliating remarks?

neither do i believe people who have replied to my postings are personifications of virtue.

[j.chenkalvarayan]

HOW CAN YOU BE ANNOYING TO NEIGHBOURS

on moving in, erect a fence atleast six feet high with a garish finish on their side.

burn trash whenever the wind is blowing in their direction

hold wild exciting parties in the garden but don't call them

double glaze your house and rope in some loud noisy livestock in the garden. rearing donkeys may help your case.

try to grow a few obnoxious weeds on your side of the fence and train them to grow through or under the fence into the neighbours garden.

try and persuade your friends to park across their pathway or driveway and get them to reverse their engines and make a din when they leave at two in the morning

try to time any noisy work you have to do , like cutting the lawn or using an electric drill, so that it causes maximium inconvenience to those next door. find when they are going on holiday and arrange for a delivery of coal , or heating oil, or anything that requires a lorry big enough to block the drive just as they are trying to get away.

dump your garbage in fron of their gate.

if your neighbours are vegans try throwing pieces of meat onto their garden.

buy a pet which will intimidate their own

[nirosha sen]

And.....if you really want to persist in irritating fellow hubbers, just carry on with your monologues!!!!!

You are already there in their Christmas/Deepavali invitation list, Pa!! :wink:

[a.ratchasi]

:lol: :lol:, Niro.

[Nerd]

J.C.

Sense of humour?? nice try...

this is worse than spamming.. if no one likes it, whats the point?? if u want to laugh at these u r most welcome.. write these things down in a piece of paper or take a print out of all these from your valuable source and laugh out loud in ur drawing room not on this public forum :twisted: :twisted:

[j.chenkalvarayan]

what's the problem with you kasi?

if you don't like my thread , i am making it very clear this time, just ignore it.

there'll be others who definitely feel it's funny.

it's for the moderators to decide whether to have my thread deleted or not?

if they feel my thread is worthless , they can go ahead and do so and i'll respect their decision.

meanwhile you keep banging your head against your computer and let us know what's inside your head in the next post.

let people know what's that which drives you so crazy.

hey niro, whenever you use that pa in your postings i find it terribly disgusting. but i never voiced my resentment .

i'll be a fool if i jump to the conclusion that the world perceives all things in my perspective.so that's what i am asking . if you don't like my post it's your own opinion and in general do not reflect those of others.

so why can't you people be more tolerant?

[Nerd]

meanwhile you keep banging your head against your computer and let us know what's inside your head in the next post.

whats inside my head??

I ll come up with something that pleases others and not this kind of threads that teaches people how to irritate others out of nothing.. okay enough is enough...do whatever u want and you can add this to your list insulting behaviour

Hold the head of the person you hate the most, open his/her eyes widely and show the posts by J.C to him/her.

chill.. and continue
:twisted:

[nirosha sen]

Hate my Pa????!!!! You and who else????

GET IN LINE, pa!!!!! 8)

[r_kk]

[tscii:3592f9732e]
Mr. J.C,
You had tried your best to show that how insulting behavior can be enjoyable one but failed to express it humorously…

Those who go against JC, please tell me few things….

1. Did/Do you enjoy the sadistic & deliberately cruel comedy movies named “Mr. Bean”? (In some of popular Indian comedy movies also, sadistic comedies are successfully used against blind, deaf, fat/very lean persons and persons with long teeth.)
2. Did/Do you enjoy WWF?
3. Did/Do you enjoy watching car crashes of races?
4. Did/Do you watch boxing or violent movies in which blood is bleeding through nose?
5. Did/Do you enjoy Tom and Jerry in which both beat each other in various ways?
6. Did/Do you laugh at some one falling on slippery ground?
7. Did you ever attach Diwali crackers to tail of Donkey or put “Mooku Podi” on “Onan” or tie the dragonfly with thread, in your childhood?
8. Did/Do you behave totally different after drinks (Alcohol)? (I had seen many sides of cruel faces hidden under nice masks, after parties).
9. Did you throw holi colors (difficult to remove) on unknown who wears nice dress on holi , in your childhood?

Some of us may not be able to say “No”. When we are not matured and don’t understand the pain of others, we misidentify the sufferings of others as humor and enjoy. The activities mentioned in the above list, just bring out the sadistic part of human mind (in those who laugh), which we hide under nice masks. Mr. JC tried his best to add few more to the above list.

I had seen such natural behavior in not only in human but also in many animals. Cat is good example. It cruelly and casually plays with its prey before it eats. Those who laugh or enjoy clearly prove that human is not evolved fully.

Frankly once upon a time, I had also mistakenly considered the above as enjoyment. Now also once in a while, such cruel face comes out below from the subconscious mind.

Mr. JC go ahead and show the various faces of human mind, but express it like “Mr. Bean” or Some of the new breed of Indian comedians.

One simple question to you… Why you couldn’t able to bear the simple joke on you by Mr. Sudhaama in the “Peep to the foreign nations” thread? Really surprising!!!



[/tscii:3592f9732e]

[a.ratchasi]

r_kk, JC came up with this thread after his misplaced outburst, if you get what I mean! :wink:

Also, I think the opening post of this thread has been edited by the mods as I vaguely remember reading a slight variation of what is left now.

Due to the above two reasons, the thread lost its purpose, if there was any in the first place.

Alternatively, JC could have simply added these one-liners in the jokes per day thread.

[j.chenkalvarayan]

hi all,
i am sorry for opening this post. i think there is none here who'll understand my intentions behind opening this thread.so i won't post in this thread anymore. r_kk haven't you seen "Just For Laughs Gags " shown on POGO. my thread was based on similar lines.



Also, I think the opening post of this thread has been edited by the mods as I vaguely remember reading a slight variation of what is left now.

that's not true at all. the postings were never edited by the moderators. you can pm the moderators if you wish.

[a.ratchasi]

Haha, then I thought wrongly, JC!!
:lol:

Anyways, take things easy, will you!
:)

[Querida]

Hey JC...no worries heck we all had to read thru the thread to find if we liked it or not...it's just they really are like annoying things people do especially at the movie theatre rather than comical...but then again i too have posted such lists in the joke thread...do you find this list funny?:

Strange and silly things to do while driving.

Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.

Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang.

At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.

Two words: Chicken suit.

Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.

Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.

Laugh a lot. A whole lot.

Stop at the green lights.

Go at the red ones.

Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.

Eat food that requires silverware.

Pass cars, then drive very slowly.

Sing without having the radio on.

Honk frequently without motivation.

Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.

Ask people for Grey Poupon.

Let pedestrians know who's boss.

Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.

Restart your car at every stop light.

Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.

Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window.

Keep at least five cats in the car.

Cheer for firetrucks and ambulances.

Stop and collect roadkill.

Throw Spam. (mystery meat not computer junkmail )

Get in the fast lane and gradually ... slow ... down ... to a stop. Then get out and watch the cars. Throw Spam at them.

[SRS]

hi all,
i am sorry for opening this post. i think there is none here who'll understand my intentions behind opening this thread.so i won't post in this thread anymore. r_kk haven't you seen "Just For Laughs Gags " shown on POGO. my thread was based on similar lines.

What are you sorry about? This is a great thread that you started. I could not stop laughing after reading your posts! Unfortunately, some self-righteous hypocrites from the "Ramayana" thread have also joined. These same cannot understand Ramayana; now I see they can't understand a good joke either. Kindly ignore them and keep up the good humour.

[SRS]

Hey JC...no worries heck we all had to read thru the thread to find if we liked it or not...it's just they really are like annoying things people do especially at the movie theatre rather than comical...but then again i too have posted such lists in the joke thread...do you find this list funny?:

Strange and silly things to do while driving.

Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.

Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang.

At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.

Two words: Chicken suit.

Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.

Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.

Laugh a lot. A whole lot.

Stop at the green lights.

Go at the red ones.

Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.

Eat food that requires silverware.

Pass cars, then drive very slowly.

Sing without having the radio on.

Honk frequently without motivation.

Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.

Ask people for Grey Poupon.

Let pedestrians know who's boss.

Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.

Restart your car at every stop light.

Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.

Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window.

Keep at least five cats in the car.

Cheer for firetrucks and ambulances.

Stop and collect roadkill.

Throw Spam. (mystery meat not computer junkmail )

Get in the fast lane and gradually ... slow ... down ... to a stop. Then get out and watch the cars. Throw Spam at them.

Sorry, but these things aren't funny. They are just stupid.

[napolims445]

Niro...
I hate ur Pa... too..
I have read ur postings here and there...and I hate That word Pa...
never thought of expressing it because it did not cause any prob in my life but now when u wanted to know...i wanted to express.

take it easy..

[Surya]

hate ur pa?? :? :? :?

[Badri]

JC

As a.ratchasi has rightly said, please post these if you want to in the A Joke a Day keeps the doctor away thread.

http://forumhub.mayyam.com/hub/viewtopic.php?t=106&start=1170&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=