Does your child believe in God?

[Cinefan]

http://in.rediff.com/getahead/2005/mar/01zelda.htm

I read an interesting article on the above subject.Hubbers can post their experiences with chidren here.

[Cygnus]

Thanks for the article cinefan. I think the author is pretty confused about her own identity (agnostic hindu??!!) that it is difficult for her to explain her position to her child. I would say the nontheistic parent can explain to the child that religious faith is an analytical decision that one is entitled to explore and figure out on one's own.

From the nontheistic point of view, I would like to hear what Rohit and r_kk have to say about this :)

On the other hand, talking to a child about god from the believer's point of view, a question to all hubbers - if you are a believer and subscribe to a religion, do you dictate your children what to believe in or tell them what you believe in , expose them to other religions and help them make an informed decision? :)

[Cinefan]

Cygnus,
I have a question which has been in my mind for quite some time,"What makes a child a believer/non-believer?"I have seen from experiences within my family where a couple have been great believers,their children have followed them but the third generation has displayed complete arrogance,apathy towards God,religion,faith,rituals etc.In fact their disinterest is so high that you can't engage them even in a meaningful discussion on this subject.Why does this happen?Why is there no influence of parents/family habits on them?Any answers?

[Cygnus]

Disillusionment?!!! :!:

Cinefan, I am a non-dogmatic atheist myself and I don't think that my parents or relatives had NO influence on me when I decided to step out of their religious bind. Indeed, they had a LOT to do with my freethought -both positively and negatively. :D

I don't adapt a dogmatic stance in telling people what and what not to believe in, primarily because, any blind following of a concept, without the basic understanding of the whys and hows, is bound to be demystified one way or another. I think that for children, it is of utmost importance to explore and understand the variegations of the concept of 'faith'. It would be curbing their growth in shoving religion down their throats, so theists and nontheists alike should step back and let children find their own answers. :)

[Badri]

so theists and nontheists alike should step back and let children find their own answers.

Ok, so where do you start? Or rather when do you start to step back?

Do you wait till your child has grown up enough to be able to understand

a) The religion of its parents
b) The religions that exist in the world
c) The concept of no religion

and then step back? Fine, but what till then?

Suppose say the parents Mr Father and Mrs Mother are firm believers, but are willing to be open-minded about the choices of their son Child. What would they do?

Children at a certain age are apt to imitate what the parents do. So, most likely Child is going to worship or imitate worship. So, do Father and Mother encourage it/discourage it?

And how do you expect Child to start finding answers for himself? He is most likely to ask Father and Mother. So, what are F&M supposed to do then? Are they supposed to say, "Listen Child, if I answer you, you will be influenced one way or the other. Perhaps you should post your questions to Forumhub and then decide?"

I think allowing children to decide on certain things like this is a load of codswallop, with due respect to all others of a different opinion.

When the child grows into an adult, he/she is free to make their own choices, but till then, parents cannot but help pass on their own belief systems to the children. It is part of the home culture that the child is bound to pick up, no matter what you do. And when they have grown enough to be able to make their own choices, nothing what you say or do will help, for they'd have made their choices anyway.

[Roshan]

Badri,

:thumbsup:

[Cygnus]

Badri, your retort sounds emotionally influenced. Obviously, I didn't mean that one should tell a 2 year old, 'look make your own choice about religion'. It is one's own judgment how one would raise their kid. Perhaps, I should have phrased it as, it shouldn't be perceived as a bad thing if the children make different choices about religion than what the parents would try to instill in them. It is MY opinion and I am entitled to that much. :)


"Perhaps you should post your questions to Forumhub and then decide?"


Well, if FH weren't a place to derive opinions from you wouldn't voice yours here, would you? :)

[Badri]

Cygnus: I was being anything but emotional!! Here I am thinking I am being cool and logical...but never mind!! :D


I agree with you, and a lot of forward thinkers would too that we should be willing to accept the choices our children make when they are ready and mature enough to. The operative phrase here being when they are ready and mature enough to. The only thing I wanted to really say ( I know I ended up saying more than that) was that no matter what, we cannot help influencing the beliefs, values and thoughts of our children.

[Cinefan]

Cygnus,sbadri99,Both of you have come up with good logical arguments but my question was:On what basis do children(after a particular age)form their opinions?Do they discuss at home,do they read books,do they attend discourses-the answer for all the above questions is a BIG NO.If parents are believers,then the children blindly oppose it without giving it any thought.As I said earlier,it's difficult to even have a logical discussion with them on this subject.under these circumstances,how can parents allow children to make their choices when mind has not been applied when making it.Personally speaking,there was a phase in my life 7 to 8 years back when I hated going to temples(mainly because of the crowd,distance) but at that time my father wisely refrained from forcing things on me.Instead he engaged me on discussions about life,death,philosophy,vedas etc.he read a lot of books&made it a point to expain the gist of that to me.Now,I am the first to go the temple on any given special day :D What i am trying to say is that parents should not force these things on their children esp in the adolescent age but today's generation has utter contempt for all these things&they make no effort to even find out more. :(

[scorpio]

Cinefan,

For a child, the parents are the first role-models. They imitate what we do. After they are mature enough to understand, their outlook does undergo a change on certain things. Even if they seem less pious, if they believe in one superpower called 'God', it is fine and they need not enforce it by visiting temples daily or chanting slokas. Their belief in the very existence of God is sure to make then very much conscious of their conscience (mana-saatchi) and will prevent them from going the wrong way.

Maximum, by force, we can make children eat what is good for them, beyond that, force seldom works.

[blahblah]

Whether atheist or believer,a parent will necessarily influence his/her child.Many religions advocate that parents teach thier children to grow in faith.So ultimately,for the parent who follows such a religion,there is no choice.

To be honest,however irrational it may look,I would like to believe in God,though I can't say cofidently that I do.It could be the concept of the Goodness of God that was grown in me since I was a child,that prompts me to believe.Yet as a grown up,I ask for scientific proof,which is not available.It probably puts me in a tough sitation as to whether I should believe or not.

THIS BRINGS ME INTO AN INTERESTING THOUGHT:

1.Suppose there is God,Hell and Heaven.If I don't believe and live the life of an atheist I am bound to be the looser.

2.Suppose there is no God,and I live as a believer of a nonexisting God,what am I to loose?Nothing at all.The faith in God stabilises my life,establishes my character and morality and earns me respect and a better status.[Atheists too can have great character,but in the life of a believer,faith acts as a catalyst to improve your morality]

While I can't be sure whether God exists,these will be the thoughts I will share with my son one day.But when he is a little boy I will sow the seeds of faith in him and that will be his first inspiration to be morally right always :) .

[Raghu]

The heading says

'Does your child believe in God?' :shock: forget about kids for a while and look our own back and answer this our selves, sincerely
:(

[Surya]

Parents should try their best to have their children grow up to be religious, or whatever they believe in. It is the parent's job to mold their children. No matter how much a parent tries to stay out of their child's beliefs, they are bound to have a huge impact on them.
Regards. :D

[Shakthiprabha.]

I believe in inculcating faith in young minds, to answer their preludes, or earlier level queries. Also one needs to ensure, they are not clogged down, but rather the quest in them is to be kindled, so that they analyse or query the existence of the entity called god.

God is something to be delved and understood.
Faith is something to be inculcated.

[Roshan]

THIS BRINGS ME INTO AN INTERESTING THOUGHT:

1.Suppose there is God,Hell and Heaven.If I don't believe and live the life of an atheist I am bound to be the looser.

2.Suppose there is no God,and I live as a believer of a nonexisting God,what am I to loose?Nothing at all.The faith in God stabilises my life,establishes my character and morality and earns me respect and a better status.[Atheists too can have great character,but in the life of a believer,faith acts as a catalyst to improve your morality]



Hey blahblah!! it is interesting indeed !! Simple views but indepth meaning :) :thumbsup:

[vir]

Hi all,

I feel that howevermuch parents try to influence a child towards religion or religious customs, ultimately its the childs own individual character which moulds them.......

My mother is a staunch believer ....deeply rooted i must say....my sister too........so i had all the environment to follow suit....but somehow i could never develop any faith in the religious customs......ya i do believe that there is a supreme power...... i take care not to hurt others or do anything wrong, at least purposely .......and i think this is better than doing so may poojas still thinking ill of others...

But then my hubby is a staunch believer.....but we dont argue about this ...allow enough space for each other.........both of us never forced our views on our kid.........but to my amazement i find that my kid has a strong belief in God.......equally like her father....though its me who spends most of the time with her ..so i firmly believe that the child has in it to decide what she/he wants to believe and follow...

[Roshan]

vir,

What ever the case your kid follows one of her parents's footsteps. That's great and that's how it has to be for a kid. In your case both you and your husband are believers of the Supreme Power though you do not stick much to the rituals. Will you or your husband let your kid follow a faith other than yours? or will you just let your kid grow up without being exposed to or taught the belief of yours? I'm sure no parents would do that to their kids.

[vir]

Hi Roshan,

I dont think that is feasible practically. How much do we know even about our own religion, let alone about other religions. Of course i have taken my kid to a church ( occasionally on the christmas eve, mainly because its so colourful), to a gurdwara and to a darga (while sightseeing, to be frank). But how do u think its possible for a parent to introduce the child to another religion..... To be truthful, even when i visit these places of worship....ennaku ennoda slogams solla than varudu.....i cant say Oh Lord etc...

May be if the child is admitted to a school which follows a particular religion, then they may get a chance to know about the way of worship etc.... I remember what one of my friends said....as a kid she (a hindu) was studying in a missionery school in gujrat....so she used to go to the church (within the school premises) daily and pray in their way ....once when it was a holiday...she and her sister were going to the market with her mother which was just near the school.....when the church bell rang.....my friend immediately bent a little on her knees and crossed herself right there on the road......her mother was flabbergasted but she says it was purely out of habit not really related to faith......

Since i myself is not much of a believer, i am not the right person to answer ur questions (ithanai ezhudina appuram sollaren....).... but as of now i feel it wont matter to me if my kid chooses to follow someother religion (but who knows.....I may show a different colour if it really happens.....coz its easy writting and saying somethings....but when it comes to facing the reality we may be different.......appadi ethavadu irunda will let u know )

bye

[scorpio]

[quote="vir"]Hi Roshan,

May be if the child is admitted to a school which follows a particular religion, then they may get a chance to know about the way of worship etc.... I remember what one of my friends said....as a kid she (a hindu) was studying in a missionery school in gujrat....so she used to go to the church (within the school premises) daily and pray in their way ....once when it was a holiday...she and her sister were going to the market with her mother which was just near the school.....when the church bell rang.....my friend immediately bent a little on her knees and crossed herself right there on the road......her mother was flabbergasted but she says it was purely out of habit not really related to faith......

/quote]

Vir,

True.. This is the case with me as well as my children ( born Hindu but schooled throughout in Christian schools). My Patti used to be wild with me for singing choir songs at home instead of learning slokas and now, she is wild at my daughter. My daughter even prays all in English calling Hindu Gods like - Merciful Heavenly Rama etc.. Though I have no issue in this, I think she is not learning the practices of one religion fully, but is a hybrid!

[Badri]

Scorpio Akka: (or should I say Very old Akka, as suggested by you)



My daughter even prays all in English calling Hindu Gods like - Merciful Heavenly Rama etc..

Your daughter is probably doing that for fun...we used to translate a lot of prayers into English too, just for the fun of it, knowing fully well it was just for fun. Seriously, language doesn't matter, does it? As long as the children have learnt the values and the faith that our religion (any religion, for that matter) teaches, I think it is good enough.


I think she is not learning the practices of one religion fully, but is a hybrid!

Then again, just because she is using English words doesn't mean it is another religion. Besides, what is the point of saying a shloka in Sanskrit which she may not understand? Isn't if far better, perhaps more intimate, to pray to God in the language we are most comfortable in?

What do you say?

[scorpio]

Badri,

Agreed. But, the thing is, even when she prays spontaneously, she uses the same words. She is the one in school who recites 'Lord's Prayer' in the assembly daily and that has become a practice at home too. Anyway, I am not too bothered (but my granny is) and am happy as long as she believes in the existence of a supreme power, whatever face she gives to Him.. Think this belief will make her conscious of whatever she does and hopefully 'will deliver her from evil'.

[pradheep]

I am writing from my experience. Though born in a Hindu tradition we bring our child morespiritual than religious. We try to answer all oursons question and allow him to enquire. example, once he asked why do we light lamp before the image of God. When I askedmy parents this same question, they told, shut up, if you question God will punish you. Instead we tell our kid that lighting lamp is a symbolism of lighting our own hearts with knolwedge. God is in you andevery where and to see something we need light in darkness. so lighting lamp is a symbolic to seek that inner light.

I feel we should teach kids the truth and encourage enquiry.

[Badri]

That's wonderful Pradeep. I think we should first try and understand why we do certain things, and then teach our children. As you have said, sure as certain, they would question us and it would be rather sad indeed if we didn't have the answers.

You are doing a great job, mate. In fact, if you have some other such answers, please do post them here, so that other parents, facing similar questions may be better prepared. :)

[pradheep]

Thanks Badri

Yes insteadofblaming our parents it is better to correct our mistakes and teach truth to our kids to have a better soceity. I am ready to share whatever I know. I am sure like me there are many people who can explain these facts for the benfit of everyone.

Can we start a new thread or continue in this same?

[Badri]

I don't see why we shouldn't continue in this thread itself. I think the title says it all.

[scorpio]

Dr.Pradheep,

I had been to your website (Shakthifoundation) and found it useful ( though I didn't have the luxury of time to go thru' in total). That was a nice one on lamp lighting. Looking forward to more such things from you.

[pradheep]

Dear friends
Thank you. Parenting is fun if one takes responsibity. Most of the people grumble they take the venture as a default program, meaning, marry, have sex and then children.

We and our four year old son always fun learning. Instead of hard rules we teach him and make him learn through fun. In fact life is only fun to be enjoyed,but there is something there is to know.

You knowhow children are...they constantly question. Most of the parents cannot take it. They get iriitated. We on the other hand not only answer his questions, on top of that allow him to ask more. Myself and my wife we both consider our son our teacher because through his questions he allows us to articulate our knowledge. Teacher in the sense ,how to explain. Wenever turned down any questions. Few weeks back he asked us whilehe was peeing, what is this round thing and why should it be covered. I answered it is testis. when damaged will cause death. So ithas to be protected and covered.

last evening from urday.com we watched pancha tantra cartoons. There was one cartoon where a crane tells fish in the pond that summer is nearing and water is drying in the pond and so he will help the fish to go another pond. He picked up each fish and on the way he gulped them. The moral of the story "Dont beleive in strangers".


But we did not give that moral. we felt that moral only inculates in fear and would causehim to look at everyone with suspicion. Instead we said the moral is first enquire about the fact with your intellect and if you cannot decide ask your inner self, therigh answer will come.

we do allow him to make choices but not on his likes and dislikes but through enquiry.

Sorry deviating the topic to parenting.But I feel these tips would help to help answering questions of our kids.

when he was two and half or three , he asked why do we keep flowers and light incense sticks and ring bells. We said flowers represent the beautiful creation of nature (God) ,but also reminds us that it is not permament. The beautiful flower will perish soon. So is our life too. So every time we appreciate beauty , enjoy it and also be aware of its transient nature.

Incense sticks burn and give good smell and should be our life. we are like the incence sticks burning out , but in that process should give good smell to others.

The ringing of the bells is to pay attention to senses. Hearing is the first sense to be developed while we are in our womb. That is why vedic tradition gives important to that sense. Ringing bells would drive our wandering mind to its home.