Ego...

[vir]

Hi friends,

Am in a tight (actually not so tight) spot.. so thought would see what others would feel in such a situation.

Its the marriage of the daughter of my collegue....we are in the same lunch group and sort of stick together generally... but presently i am in another office since the last 1 and a half years ...just across the street of my previous office....but i still visit my friends...

This collegue of mine has left the Invitation for the marriage with another friend of mine in the earlier office.....telling me over phone to collect it........

Problem is as a friend of such a long time I will not feel good if i dont attend the marriage...........but to be truthful.....i feel that i should have been invited personally as my office is just across the street......(see here comes my Big Big Ego :evil: ..........) not that i have not attended functions when not having been invited personally....but then in such cases distance plays the spoilsport and i make it a point to attend even when invited over phone..........

Well i have decided to attend the function....but was wondering if i was being too sensitive........

would be nice if u could share ur views...

[nirosha sen]

Hmmmm....we seem to see more and more questions like yours, of a personal nature, sprouting up like mushrooms these days!

Considering other hubbers have made me, unofficial Agony Aunt, I wonder if it would be presumptous of me to open up a "Dear Niro" thread????!!!! Knowing the rest of my buddies here, I have a feelng they'll be jostling for space to render free advice as well!!! :lol:

Ergo, what do you guys think????? :D

[scorpio]

Vir,

True as you think, it wouldn't have taken more time for yr friend to spare a few more minutes to invite you in person. But, we are seeing only onle side of the fence..Not sure, under what tension/ stress he was that day.

Marriage is a time of celebration. Your decision to attend is well appreciated. Being long time friends, your sensitivity to not being invited personally is also quite understandable. Never keep these petty things to yr heart buddy, enjoy yourself at the function. Be there a bit before time to shoulder some responsibilities and assist your friend. He himself will tell you the reason and feel sorry for not having personally invited you.

As Thirukural says - Inna seitharai oRuthal, avar naaNa nannayam seithu vidal. Not that your friend has done some great mistake for feeling guilty, but still you can do good to him. :D

[jaiganes]

vir!
If your friends family arrange for good food, then throw your ego to dust bin and be there preferrably for all the three meals dude!! Al said and done, all things we do is for the poor little stomach that we have. :wink: :lol: :lol:

Serious advice would be to call him up and see if he genuinely wanted to invite you. If so go blesshis daughter. After all it is your blessings and wishes that count.

[blahblah]

I got married on the next day of my elder brother's marriage[saw how eagerly we were waiting? :lol: ]

Two weddings in two days in the family when our father was not alive-that was a nightmare.We had to manage most things ourselves when we both reached Kerala only around ten days in advance!Apart from the wedding functions,we had all the other ceremonial things,like the engagement function,'chrakkedukkal' [buyng gold,wedding wardrobe with the girls' families] etc.Then the invitation part of it!

The thrill of getting married was all gone and my would be [now wife] was really annoyed with me for not calling her every now and then,when I was so tense! :evil: :x :roll:

So being in that position I can understand the guy whose daughter is getting married! Probably he is having so much trouble now,that we can't comprehend.Forgive him and just go there and meet them.You will feel better. :)

[Shakthiprabha.]

hi vir,

In this fast pace age, ITS JUST THE INTENTIONS which should matter. Not any formalities. Whilst relatives generally truoble ppl, with 1001 formalities, frieds are the ones who should understand, support the person.

I am sure, if he had not intended to call u, he would have just
IGNORED U. There is no question of EGO HERE. After all friendship is BEYOnd ALL THIS.


In case the person u mentioned is not too close, IT SHOULD NOT MATTER AT ALL. He invited u, over phone, IS NOT THAT more than sufficient ?

When emails and chats pave way for love, cant phone be personal enough for cordial invitation?

After all each one is different, and TO UNDERSTAND EACH PERSON IN HIS OR HER OWN WAY, and to ACCEPT HIm...thats the whole purpose of human life.

Good luck! and HAPPY FEASTING AT THE MARRIAGE . Cheers

[jaiganes]

Forget all that!
Concentrate on one question.
Will they serve food which I will remember for a long time? If you think naah! Food at home is better, then skip it. else Go for it and like Nike says "JUST DO IT".

[vir]

Hi thanks for responsding so soon,

Ya....as i said earlier i too have chuked my ego and am planning to go to the wedding...

but what i really wanted to know was whether these sort of incidents leaves u hurt, albeit a little........

[Cinefan]

but what i really wanted to know was whether these sort of incidents leaves u hurt, albeit a little........

Ya,they do.There is nothing wrong in thinking why he didn't give it personally when all that needed to be done was to cross the street.But still you should go,if not for the wedding atleast to the reception(if it's being held)

[Shekhar]

Vir,

Your friend definitely wanted to invite you, and so has sent his invitation, wherever, otherwise he would not even have sent a card.
But clearly his level of friendship and your place in his priority list is definitely much below what you have for him, or what you had expected.
Regarding the question of your attending the marriage, sure it is not out of place or lowering your esteem if you attend it, but think why you want to attend it.
For your friendship's sake? Well, I don't think it is all that flourishing to take a beating/
For the sake of the marriage? .. Hmph.. if you didn't go, it wouldn't have stopped, nor your going or not going would make any difference to anybody. I don't think anybody even notice your absence.
To bless his daughter? .. Sure you can do it wherever you are, not necessarily in the jostling crowd. Blessing in the marriage mantap is only a convention. The true blessing comes your heart only, and that need not be in the marriage hall.
For your sake? Why should you feel guily for not going?
But it is nothing to get hurt.. these things reveal the gap between the words and the warmth, and help you in the proper assesment of your relationships with people.
If I were you, I wouldn't bother to go..

[Shekhar]

Btw, I hate attending marriages and I hardly attend any.
When my friends ask me why I didn't attend the marriage, I simply bluff "of course I was there. But I was kind of busy so didn't stay for long, and didn't bother you as you were busy.." They truly believe it and urge that I should have stayed for lunch or dinner!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

[nirosha sen]

Vir - Since it bothers you this much, why not just send a card to congratulate the couple, Pa!! That ought to put the relationship in proper perspective!

The way I see it, nobody is too busy to come around to invite folks to an important marriage like a daughter's. Obviously, you were hardly more than an acquaintance to him which probably why he left the card with a third person. It's really, "take it or leave it" message there. So, I would think you should accept it that way too!

Go, if you genuinely want to be a face in the crowd. Otherwise, just send the card and be finished with it, Pa!! :D

[vir]

Shekhar


But clearly his level of friendship and your place in his priority list is definitely much below what you have for him, or what you had expected.



Nirosha


The way I see it, nobody is too busy to come around to invite folks to an important marriage like a daughter's.

I too feel the same way....and am glad u came out with it.....

Bye the way......as an anticlimax :P ....my friend came to invite me and i attended the marriage yesterday.....

Thanks friends for sharing ur views

[Sandeep]

Vir,

Are you sure your firewnd is not in this hub ?

[vir]

hi sandeep

am positive....coz my friend is not good at handling computers......... :wink: that's why i wrote here...bye

[Shakthiprabha.]

///Bye the way......as an anticlimax ....my friend came to invite me and i attended the marriage yesterday..... ///

:)

Our views about a person can also be wrong. :)

Enjoy!!

Every coin has 2 sides.

Every person has a reason for doing and NOT DOIGN certain act. :)

cheers

[mellon]

Well i have decided to attend the function....but was wondering if i was being too sensitive........

would be nice if u could share ur views...

You are not sensitive or over reacting, I think. You just have thought that you were a better friend than what your friend had thought of you. I think u deserve more than this if she really wish u attend the wedding in person.

We should not be silly, at the same time nothing wrong in having some self-respect. Let the people call you egoistic, please dont worry about it. What do they know?

Well, your intuition should tell whether s/he did on purpose or it was unavoidable for her/him. Nevertheless,I dont think your "friend" thinks that u r such a close friend to be treated with some respect. It is obvious u r not that intimate. If I were you, I would do the same like your friend did but on purpose. I mean, I would send a greeting card by mail or a gift delivered by someone else and would not attend in person, if I were you 8)

After all it is not going to make a heck a lot of difference for them whether you attended the wedding or not. But it does give you a satisfaction that you did what your friend deserved by not atttending in person. Dont try to be nice to everybody. Because you dont know whether u r doing another big mistake by attending the function in person. Moreover, imo, Ignorance (ur friend's) should not be an excuse. :)

[Cindy]

Vir,

Your friend definitely wanted to invite you, and so has sent his invitation, wherever, otherwise he would not even have sent a card.
But clearly his level of friendship and your place in his priority list is definitely much below what you have for him, or what you had expected.


Not at all Shekhar.. nothing related to less or more priority...

As my parents were running around inviting relatives.. one of my friend accompanied me to all my colleagues and friend's house for my wedding invitation distribution she even accompanied me for all my purchases.. and hers too.. I chose the saree she should wear on my wedding.... she was with me until i finished (i thought i finished) inviting everyone... she asked me.. everyone in your list is over?... all in the list you gave me is finished....yea.. i said and there is just 3 more days for my wedding.. wont come out anymore.. so do come to home "whenever you are free"....

5 hours before my previous day's reception, she came...I was busy with my cousins all who came after such a long time.. and this gal looked so dull and took a corner chair.. i went to her and asked her what happened.. she said she cant come for my wedding... i wondered.. and asked her, "but why?...is everything alright at home?"... She wept and screamed.."YOU HAVE NOT INVITED ME OR MY FAMILY"

Shekhar if i had a priority list, i bet she must be the first one.... I cannot explain my feeling at that moment too.. my family too was shocked ... you know what.. me, my mother, father and brother... got ready immediately and went to her house (20 minute drive from my home), apologized and brought them all with us to our home for the reception.

There would be too many things fuming on your head in such situations.. and please friends do not measure the level of closeness by such incidents...please...

[Roshan]

Cindy,

That was touching !! Great you went with your whole family to invite your friend and her family !!

[Shekhar]

Cindy,

Definitely I may be wrong. It is impossible for me to judge their relationship, sitting before the computer screen.
What you narrated has lot of relevence. If your friend is so intimate, the invitation is implied. In fact if a very close friend of mine gives me a formal invitation, I would feel offended.

[nirosha sen]

Vir,

Are you sure your firewnd is not in this hub ?

:rotfl: Oh Sandeep!! Whatever will we do without your rapier sharp wit and charm Pa!!

Entho-oru bombshell, Pa!!! :lol:

[Badri]

I saw this thread only now, and was intrigued...not about the ego tussle etc.

Why hasnt JG posted back? Why hasnt he opened yet with "So you did go, did you? How was the food, anyway?"

So, on his behalf, Vir, how was the food?????? :lol: