Topic started by @#^*%*% (@ dialup-225-63.bol.net.in) on Thu Jun 7 08:53:42 .
All times in EST +10:30 for IST.

English is a funny Language

You will have to agree that it is not everday that you hear of a person criticizing the most widely spoken language in the history of our planet ,one which is used by 1/7 human beings around the globe.English has acquired the
largest vocabulary of all world's languages,perhaps as many as 2 million
words,and has generated one of the noblest bodies of literatures of the human
race.

Nonetheless,englisg is a crazy language-the most lunatic,wacky,idiotic and
nutty of all the languages,
the blackbird hen is brown....
blackboards can be green or blue...
blackberries are green and red before they are ripe...

Even if blackberries were really back and blueberries really blue ,what are
strawberries ,huckleberries and gooseberries supposed to look alike ?

Proceeding..

there is no butter in buttermilk,
grape in grape fruit,
neither pine or apple in pineapple
and no ham in hamburger.

Paradoxes and eccentricities of english are it's trademark.That's why hot
dogs can be cold,home work can be done in school.Hours,especially like
rush hour and happy hour last more than 60 minutes.Quick sand works very
slowly,boxing rings are square,silverware and glasses can be made of plAstic
and tablecloth of paper.Most bathrooms don't have a bath.And it is not
bizzare we go to bathroom in order to go to bathroom?

Why we park in a driveway and drive in a parkway ?Why nose runs and feet
smell? The bus goes back and forth between the terminal and airport.Hmm
mass confusion.Don't you have to go forth before you can go back? ...

Some times a bearer might say- a hot cup coffee for you sir.Who cares
if the cup is hot? Some sign reads "watch your head".Trying to watch
your head is like trying to bite your teeth.And also never catch a
non-stop flight,you will never come down.

You will hAve to marvel at the unique lunacy of english language,in which
your house can simultaneously burn up and down,in which your alarm clock
goes off by going on ,and in which you first chop down a tree,and then you
chop it up.

ENGLISH IS A FUNNY LANGUAGE ISN'T?

Responses:

• Old responses
  
• From: Siby (@ 61.11.12.9) on: Wed Jul 18 07:23:15
  
  >>Now with computerse and netinglish on the rampage very few people care for proper english let alone pedantic and purist grammar.
  
  Not exactly.
  
  
• From: Vishvesh Obla (@ alb-66-24-211-55.nycap.rr.com) on: Wed Jul 18 08:59:26
  
  Stg,
  
  I am glad that you liked the stanzas that I quoted. English is certainly a funny language. It is grammatically wrong to start a sentence with a conjunction, but idiomatically right to start with it ! I have read many prose passages which were striking when they started with a conjunction.
  
  But this hasnt got anything to do with the cheap usage of English language because of the influence of the web. Most of the great writers have written with such sentence structures. I include prose too. D.H.Lawrence comes to my mind immediately. Try to find any prose work of him and you will notice how strikingly he could use it.
  
  
• From: Vishvesh Obla (@ alb-66-24-211-55.nycap.rr.com) on: Wed Jul 18 09:17:10
  
  See, I could myself make a mistake above. But this is the one we all do because of the influence of the web : Try to find any prose work of him is gramatically correct but idiomatically wrong!!! It must be Try to find any one of his prose works. We don't read twice what we write when we use the web and that is one reason for the common errors of netinglish as u called it.
  
  
• From: Ramji (@ 205.177.170.141) on: Wed Jul 18 10:23:52
  
  There is a joke about an Englishman and an American in conversation. When the American pronounces the word schedule as skedule the English ridicules him and asks him " where did you learn that pronounciation?" and the American replies" In that blasted place called school which is pronounced skool and not shool."
  
  
• From: Shakespeare (@ 202.88.233.18) on: Wed Jul 18 11:58:42
  
  Netenglish or not, English language usage has hit rock bottom in India today. It was just a few days ago that I saw a headline, no less, in "The Hindu" that read - "Storm over a teacup" where the writer actually meant 'storm in a teacup'. In fact I can post examples culled from the grand old paper almost everyday now. What a fall! For the language and the newspaper.
  
  About the net and its effect on the English language, the less said the better.
  
  Shakespeare
  
  
• From: Carter (@ adsl-64-163-62-146.dsl.lsan03.pacbell.net) on: Tue Jul 31 16:03:57
  
  You guy's are all worked up over nothing worth trying to understand.
  You will end up dirving yourself nuts, getting all worked up for a little
  senseless So Cal slang. Thake a chill pill and
  just kick it, pop your feet up.
  
  
  That's just the way things are
  
  
• From: Karthik (@ guardian.aig.com) on: Thu Aug 2 14:30:17
  
  Is there Mysore in Mysore Pak (or)
  Is there Mangalore in Mangalore bonda
  
  
  
• From: Shakespeare (@ 202.88.232.196) on: Fri Aug 3 01:36:32
  
  Carter, I am impressed by your studied insouciance about the state of affairs in what is presumably your mother tongue. However, I am also aware of the unfortunate repercussions faced by your compatriots in England (U.S already on the line) today because of this cavalier disregard of your people for your own language and all that goes with it. Meaning: brown guys like us have taken over - or should I say overtaken you - almost all professional level and high paid jobs. Soon you won't be anywhere in your own country.
  
  Now let's see you take some chill pills and pop up your feet.
  
  
• From: Pratheep (@ ) on: Sat Dec 6 05:34:31
  
  Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
  
  Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
  
  Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
  
  If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
  
  If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
  
  Why is it called 'building' when they are already built?
  
  Why is it what your parcel sent though road is called 'shipped' and through ship is called 'cargo'?
  
  
• From: Seshadri (@ user-vcaune4.dsl.mindspring.com) on: Sun Dec 7 07:33:59 EST 2003
  
  1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
  2) The farm was used to produce produce.
  3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
  4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
  5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
  6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
  7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
  8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
  9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
  10) I did not object to the object.
  11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
  12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
  13) They were too close to the door to close it.
  14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
  15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
  16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
  17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
  18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
  19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
  20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
  21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
  
  
• From: bhuva (@ ppp-219.65.109.202.chn.vsnl.net.in) on: Mon Dec 15 10:18:15 EST 2003
  
  What is the reason to write about Lunacy of english? Has it got something to do with the development of french language with the help of english alphabets?
  
  
• From: blab (@ ) on: Sun Mar 28 02:54:43
  
  ha ha ha!
  
  
• From: Herr Lucifer (@ ) on: Thu Apr 8 14:05:47
  
  I study English Literature and wonder how Shakespeare never noticed his f.name:
  
  "Shakes" + "Pear" = ?
  
  Ps: English is a garbage collector ( As in C#.Net)...Of that 2 million words, 1.5 have been imported from Latin + German + French + ....
  
  
• From: HELO220>
  
  ALL languages are funny otherwise you would have got tired of them.
  
  
• From: nachos (@ 63-226-178-49.mpls.qwest.net) on: Fri Apr 16 12:36:36 EDT 2004
  
  HELO220,
  
  Said right.
  
  
• From: Alpha- Romeo (@ 203-195-208-26.now-india.net.in) on: Mon Apr 19 05:49:35 EDT 2004
  
  Hi all,
  Add more to the fun of English language.
  
  CRICKET CRAZY
  
  1. WHY DID SACHIN MARRY A OLDER WOMAN?
  BECAUSE A GOOD BATSMAN LIKES LOOSE BA*LLS!
  
  2. WHY DID KUMBLE MARRY A DIVORCEE?
  
  BECAUSE GOOD SPINNERS LIKES USED BA*LLS
  
  3. WHY DID IT NOT WORK OUT BETWEEN SAURAV AND NAGMA?
  
  BECAUSE HE DOES NOT LIKE TO PLAY SWINGING BA*LLS AND NEVER PLAYS ON THE LEG SIDE.
  
  4. AZARUDDIN ASKS SANGEETA BIJLANI AFTER THEIR FIRST NIGHT, " HOW WAS THE SHOT BETWEEN TWO FINE LEGS?
  
  SHE SAYS" SHOT WAS GOOD, BUT YOU ARE NOT THE OPENING BATSMAN
  
  
  
• From: Fridge (@ du-019a-183.access.de.clara.net) on: Thu Apr 22 13:06:30 EDT 2004
  
  Ha Ha
  
  enjoyable, That Red Lorry Blue lorry really gets me.
  
  About the english Language.
  It is made of the Alphabet....Derived from the Alpha Beta...so am I correct in saying that ''you guys are talking GreeK''
  
  
• From: 007 (@ ac80000f.ipt.aol.com) on: Fri Apr 30 14:23:16 EDT 2004
  
  ALL YOU LOSERS SHOULD GET A LIFE. ENGLISH IS THE BEST LANGUAGE IN THE WORLD, DON'T GET JEALOUS!! IF YOU PPL ARE POKING FUN AT ENGLISH, THAN WHY ARE YOU WRITING IN ENGLISH??
  
  
• From: test (@ 82.205.139.230) on: Mon May 10 04:26:43 EDT 2004
  
  test
  
  
• From: blre (@ xpress1222.htc.net) on: Mon May 10 17:33:25 EDT 2004
  
  poop on u
  
  
• From: MERI (@ ip83-37.asiaonline.net) on: Thu Jun 10 08:48:22
  
  I WANT TO ASK THAT"HOW DID SHAKESPEAR ADD TO THE ENGLISHLANGUAGE AND TO LITERATURE?
  
  
• From: MERI (@ ip83-37.asiaonline.net) on: Thu Jun 10 08:48:29
  
  I WANT TO ASK THAT"HOW DID SHAKESPEAR ADD TO THE ENGLISHLANGUAGE AND TO LITERATURE?
  
  
• From: gopi (@ 203.195.244.5) on: Fri Jun 18 03:07:31 EDT 2004
  
  English is a borrowed language
  there is no difference between man and beast
  The dog comes.
  Bill clinton comes.[no bad ideas]
  he ran, she ran, it ran,
  every thing is treated as same, IN TAMIL the Worlds oldest language still live has words for telling the man from the beast, avaL odinal
  [she ran] avaN odinaan [ he ran ] athu oodiathu
  [it ran]
  
  
• From: no FOB languages plz (@ pat.centennialcollege.ca) on: Fri Jun 18 12:00:41 EDT 2004
  
  ENGLISH IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD!!
  
  

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