Topic started by chitra balaji (@ 164.100.38.51) on Wed Nov 5 01:56:14 EST 2003.
All times in EST +10:30 for IST.

my married life is hell. i am constantly in fight with my husband and our relationships are straining. how can i lead a happy life

Responses:

• From: WIS (@ router.proxyweb.net) on: Wed Nov 5 03:37:49 EST 2003
  
  simply quit!
  
  
• From: Pavalamani Pragasam (@ 220.226.49.240) on: Wed Nov 5 04:42:34 EST 2003
  
  "Mounam kalaka naasthi". Stop arguing, saying anything as reply for a while. Go about your normal life, doing routine works as if nothing has happened.Keep your calm. Patience will pay.Neither finding fault with him will help nor introspecting your reactions will help. Starting afresh, beginning it at the beginning will help.
  
  
• From: jl (@ 66.9.52.234) on: Wed Nov 5 05:55:07 EST 2003
  
  learn judo or kalari... that will keep him guessing
  
  
• From: Shakthipriya (@ 203-195-199-244.now-india.net.in) on: Wed Nov 5 07:01:12 EST 2003
  
  COMPROMISE....
  
  thats the only way to lead a happy life
  
  
• From: :) (@ d150-184-242.home.cgocable.net) on: Wed Nov 5 09:09:15 EST 2003
  
  Chitra,
  
  Please visit ammas.com and seek advise. It is free.
  
  
• From: friend (@ mail.cert-id.com) on: Wed Nov 5 15:33:35 EST 2003
  
  when you can accept another person as they are then you are not disturbed. All problems come when we make a frame and try to fit that person into it. there problems comes.
  
  My experience, my marrried life is happy because i follow what i said above. More than that it is through love, love without any expectation that wins. I love my wife without any expectation. I love her just because I love her. Inspite of what she does to me or not me or whether we agree on a certain issue or not, i still love her.
  
  Another thing is to do things and not expect another person to do it or in return. You enjoy doing that.
  
  Understand that you can never change any one in this world, only person you can change is yourself alone.
  
  With love i have conqurered my dad, mom, sister and relatives and friends. No matter what they are and say, you love them without anything in return. Love for love sake. This is the mantra.
  
  
• From: N (@ usr258-wv1.blueyonder.co.uk) on: Wed Nov 5 16:33:18 EST 2003
  
  Dear Chitra,
  
  Please visit this site:
  http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Professional_Counselors_Group/
  
  You may not be able to visit this site from India since it is banned there.
  
  Use http://www.anonymizer.com and get into that.
  
  Good luck.
  
  
  
• From: N (@ usr258-wv1.blueyonder.co.uk) on: Wed Nov 5 16:52:04 EST 2003
  
  Sorry I am afraid you may not be able to get help
  from that website if you are in India.
  
  Try to get some professional counsellors and sort out
  the issue of your own. If you cannot get I can help you send me an email.
  
  Relationship is not that easy thing. A christian father said to me that from the people who confessed to him that about 60% people are not happy in their married life.
  
  If you both have different visions and different ideas in life you can no way be happy. For eg. your husband may want to roam around the places, you just want to sit in the house and watch TV sort of girl.
  
  Or Your husband never likes Rasam, but u like rasam
  
  Sometimes the problem arises because of the parents
  and relatives. Your husband may want to keep his parents with you but you may not like his parents.
  
  If I know how to make peace between Tamils and Sinhalese I am the best counsellor in the world.
  
  If you are a housewife, then being in the house
  might affect you psycologically. So try to get a job
  and engage in some activities. That will give some
  time for you to relax.
  
  Life is always very interesting and challenging.
  If we dont have any problems, then what is the use of
  living. Problems are complementary to a happy life.
  How will you measure a happy life if there are no problems in life?
  
  
  
• From: :) (@ d150-184-242.home.cgocable.net) on: Thu Nov 6 08:24:19 EST 2003
  
  chitra,
  Try http://www.ammas.com . Also, try not to use your real name on the web to safeguard your anonymity in a situation like this.
  
  
• From: Kavi (@ 213.78.170.60) on: Thu Nov 6 08:36:43 EST 2003
  
  Ask yourself!! You are the best consultant for yourself.
  
  Ask these questions to yourself.
  1)what position does the other person hold to you?
  
  2) what is going wrong?
  3) what is that you would like to change about the current situation.
  4) Will you get what you want if you quit this relationship.
  
  If you are able to answer them then you will know what you should do.
  
  
• From: Bhaskar (@ dialpool-210-214-178-206.sify.net) on: Fri Nov 14 09:21:10 EST 2003
  
  Honestly, Mrs. Chitra Balaji, the happiness is attained by oneself;not by marriage or by relations. I feel you may not blame your husband or the religion which made you a pair! My case is that, I wanted to get married because, I felt, married life is more meaningful. "illaramae nallaram" Suppose, you are arguing because, your points are not honoured by your hubbie, then, keep quiet - "mounam kalaha naasthi". I'm greatly benefitted by my wife - because, she showed me many things in this world and I will certainly remember. In spite of my silly manners, she is withstanding me and she goes to work and advises me too. I argue with her she always wins. I stand small but still, I love her and that is my life! I enjoy my life with my wife.
  
  
• From: noname (@ dialpool-210-214-178-206.sify.net) on: Fri Nov 14 09:21:53 EST 2003
  
  Honestly, Mrs. Chitra Balaji, the happiness is attained by oneself;not by marriage or by relations. I feel you may not blame your husband or the religion which made you a pair! My case is that, I wanted to get married because, I felt, married life is more meaningful. "illaramae nallaram" Suppose, you are arguing because, your points are not honoured by your hubbie, then, keep quiet - "mounam kalaha naasthi". I'm greatly benefitted by my wife - because, she showed me many things in this world and I will certainly remember. In spite of my silly manners, she is withstanding me and she goes to work and advises me too. I argue with her she always wins. I stand small but still, I love her and that is my life! I enjoy my life with my wife.
  
  
• From: Krishna (@ acc55502.ipt.aol.com) on: Sun Nov 23 15:03:22 EST 2003
  
  Hi Chitra ,
  
  I recommend you to visit a website ie., www.ammas.com
  
  Here you can post your thoughts (in the marriage advice ), your husband's illbehaviour , the encounters you both face often etc., You can also keep your name anonymous for your safety .Those registered amma's will give you suggestions based on your problems .
  
  Thanks
  
  

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