Topic started by sushila (@ j127.dms40.jaring.my) on Wed Jul 30 10:32:22 .
All times in EST +10:30 for IST.

hello there.

I am really having this prob and i just cant get it off my head. It has been 4 years and i still cant forget it. And at times, i do sit and cry and start regreting the choices i did before.

The stories goes like this.. i had this guy and we were really close in our relationship. We did not have sex but our relationship was quite intimate. We were physically close where we do touch each other but we never had sex.

Now, i feel really guilty... i am even scared to get involve in another relationship or even to think of getting married. I am wondering if i have to tell my future husband the truth or just ignore what happened before and start a new life.... i am also scared if i meet that fella in future and he spoils my life... and etc... all the tamil pic stuff comes in my mind.... Please help me.

But, if i tell my husband the truth surely he will bring it out when we have a fight and who knows if he can really accept it ...

is it a big bad thing (what i did before). I am still a virgin... please give me any good advice. Please.

Responses:

• Old responses
  
• From: kiran (@ 6535253hfc24.tampabay.rr.com) on: Fri Aug 22 21:24:24 EDT 2003
  
  Mrs Govind,
  
  Since you did not tell the whole truth(I dont know what the truth is..anyways), he might have taken it easy, but if u happened to tell him, believe me he will never forget it in his life. That respect for you will go even though normal house hold routines happen in a normal way. Also please dont advise her to see that person after marriage. Nothing personal with you as its your life and I am nobody to tell you, but please dont give the impression to her that its ok to see the other person even after marriage. This is coz, her old past and feelings will still be there which is wrong as any wife or husband must give 100% in a marriage and love each other.
  regards
  kiran
  
  
  
• From: Mrs Govind (@ 203.116.61.131) on: Sat Aug 23 02:30:35 EDT 2003
  
  Kiran
  Do not jump into conclusions...
  I said i saw the guy(happen to see him in the streets- small world) did i say i met the guy, no way. - i'm not stupid to do that not even if he is in his dead bed. U need not lie but need not say it. - cos ladies too will not want to hear such things from their husband(might say OK but in their heart,imagination will linger on..)
  Please read what i have said and try to understand what I tried to say. After marriage, we should be truthful to each other.
  Few years back, my husband and I saved a young lady from committing suicide and i did the same thing, explained to her about myself.. and showed her the way to a good future..and I also used my example to tell some girls(meet a number of such girl often) not to worry about the past and spoil their present and future.
  
  
• From: Seshadri (@ 164.149.3.213.dial.bluewin.ch) on: Sat Aug 23 03:03:16 EDT 2003
  
  " My fiancee also had relnship and she did not tell me. I came to know from outside. When I confronted her, she simply cried..thats all..I told her that past is past..past does not come in between future." - Kiran
  
  "advise her not to see that person after marriage..This is coz, her old past and feelings
  will still be there, which is wrong, as any wife or husband must give 100% in a marriage and love each other." - Kiran
  
  "Few years back, my husband and I saved a young lady from committing suicide and i did the same thing, explained to her about myself.. and showed her the way to a good future.." - Mrs Govind
  
  Great, noble outlook, both of you.
  
  Kiran,
  Your broadminded approach is very laudable. Hope more and more husbands in our country develop broadminded attitudes in such sensitive areas.
  :))
  
  
• From: Roshan (@ 203.94.76.186) on: Sat Aug 23 07:38:01 EDT 2003
  
  I agree with Seshadri! Also I wish Sushila for a happy married life. All the best to you Sushila!
  
  
• From: Roshan (@ 203.94.76.186) on: Sat Aug 23 07:40:15 EDT 2003
  
  ooops please read as "I wish Sushila a happy married life."
  
  
• From: kiran (@ 6535253hfc24.tampabay.rr.com) on: Sat Aug 23 22:49:11 EDT 2003
  
  I dont know how far sushila has got the point from this thread and looks like she is totally confused. Sushila did u get what u were looking for in this forum?
  
  Regards
  Kiran
  
  
• From: kiran (@ 6535253hfc24.tampabay.rr.com) on: Sat Aug 23 23:15:52 EDT 2003
  
  continuing with the above discussion, I have a general query for the group.
  Please dont generalise this topic. This might be applicable to a select few.
  The boy is pure without any previous relnship and
  the girl has a previous relnship with someone, and still keeps seeing the previous person, what shd the boy do? The boy loves this girl and got engaged after girl also said that she loves him now.
  what shd the boy do after he comes to know that the girl still keeps in touch with the previous person? shd he confront her or leave it as it is?
  your thoughts please
  
  
• From: mrs govind (@ 203.116.61.131) on: Sun Aug 24 20:43:58 EDT 2003
  
  It's best to leave her. Reason: she will defintely keep seeing the guy after marriage.
  (have seen cases where after some time the girl leaves the home leaving the husband and child behind).
  
  
• From: Kajan (@ cpe0050ba1669c3-cm014110219722.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com) on: Sun Aug 24 23:31:49 EDT 2003
  
  I appreciate kiran's first posting.
  
  but how many boys / men have broadmind ? 1 in 1000 , 1in 10000
  
  
• From: Seshadri (@ 72.149.202.62.dial.bluewin.ch) on: Mon Aug 25 03:03:21 EDT 2003
  
  "got engaged ... but the girl still keeps in touch with the previous person?" - Kiran
  
  "It's best to leave her." - Mrs Govind
  
  Engagement ceremony marks the END OF SEARCH for the potential lifemate and COMMITMENT to the selected partner.
  
  Mrs Govind has given the fitting answer for dealing with the fickle-minded girl.
  
  
• From: TN AvargaL (@ cvg-65-27-251-73.cinci.rr.com) on: Mon Aug 25 09:17:48 EDT 2003
  
  Thannai maRandhu maNNil vizhundhu
  ILammai malarin meedhu kaNNai izhandha vaNdu
  
  kEtka ninaiththaaL maRandhaaL
  kELvi ezhum mun vizhundhaaL
  
  Gangai nadhikku maNNil aNaiyaa?
  
  (first)
  http://www.musicindiaonline.com/music/l/WW000F1Q
  
  
• From: Raj (@ 12.163.39.254) on: Mon Aug 25 10:53:16 EDT 2003
  
  The guy should advice her not to do stupid things after engagement. leaving her is not the right thing to do. He has to explain her about how this will affect their kids after marriage.
  
  
• From: kiran (@ 6535253hfc24.tampabay.rr.com) on: Mon Aug 25 11:14:30 EDT 2003
  
  Thanks mrs.Govind and and Raj.
  But the problem lies in the physical seperation of the boy and the girl.
  Girl lives in one area of the world and the boy in another area of the world.
  so the boy does not know the day-to-day activities of the girl and hence problem arises.
  
  
• From: kiran (@ 6535253hfc24.tampabay.rr.com) on: Mon Aug 25 11:17:36 EDT 2003
  
  Mr. TN AvargaL,
  
  I cannot understand tamil.
  request you to translate it in english incase it is relevant to the discussion.
  
  Regards
  Kiran
  
  
• From: Shakthi (@ 203-195-199-244.now-india.net.in) on: Wed Aug 27 04:37:59 EDT 2003
  
  CONFRONT HER, TALK TO HER, ASK HER WHAT SHE INTENDS DOING...
  
  IF THE BOY IS SATISFIED WITH THE ANSWER ITS HIS WISH TO CONTINUE THE ENGAGEMENT
  
  ELSE ITS BEST FOR BOTH OF THEM TO BREAK
  
  
• From: Raj (@ 12.163.39.151) on: Thu Aug 28 10:07:26 EDT 2003
  
  "so the boy does not know the day-to-day activities of the girl"
  
  Kiran,
  The boy should'nt imagine too much. He should think everything positive about that girl. In case if something goes wrong, he should be ready to face the pain at that time. Just curious.. are you that Boy?
  
  
• From: Kiran (@ 6535253hfc24.tampabay.rr.com) on: Fri Aug 29 01:34:41 EDT 2003
  
  Raj,
  
  Fortunately or unfortunately I am not that boy.
  Hope this clarifies your curiousity.
  This is a general discussion happening here.
  
  Regards
  Kiran
  
  
• From: kiran (@ 6535253hfc24.tampabay.rr.com) on: Sun Sep 7 23:19:12 EDT 2003
  
  Sushila,
  where are you?
  
  
• From: saran (@ 202.9.151.117) on: Wed Sep 17 11:38:58 EDT 2003
  
  come on sushila,
  which world r we living in? which times r u in ?
  why shud u get so worked up on a simple matter of having sex? after all, i guess, u even say u have not done the 'real" thing. for godsake, get real, forget it and move on in life. and if u r gonna marry a guy, whoz gonna banter u, with some relationship u had, i guess, u better look for someone else. cross ur hearts , all u guys , who r reading things, show me one guy/gal, whoz not had a relationship ? the degree of intimacy may vary, but, all of us r basically rice from the same pot. sushila, move on in life. u r wasting ur time and energy on something which seems trivial to me and if not all, many would agree with me. get a start in life and have fun.
  
  
• From: saran (@ 202.9.151.117) on: Wed Sep 17 11:49:28 EDT 2003
  
  kiran, from her ip, i can presume that sushila is in malaysia. by the by, doea that matter?
  
  

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