Topic started by Jayakumari (@ 61.11.80.7) on Tue Nov 25 07:40:13 EST 2003.
All times in EST +10:30 for IST.
Dear female forumhubbers,
I am writing this assuming that most of the regular readers of Forumbub are Tamil and that a lot of them are women. I think that only a Tamil woman who is familiar with our traditions can understand my situation. I have seen many feminine issues pertaining to to Tamil women like mookkuthi discussed in this forum. This is a similar issue but specific to me only. I expect at least some of the Tamil women who read this can give information which I drastically need.
I am a 27 year old woman, married and mother of a two year old child. I belong to a middle class family and live in one of the big cities of Tamil Nadu. I had been working in a small computer firm (from where I learned the habit of net browsing) till the birth of my son and now I am a fulltime housewife. From my teenage I have a fascination towards the old Tamil tradition of stretching the earlobes of women for wearing heavy ornaments. Though this tradition is no longer practiced here, we still see old women with stretched earlobes even in our cities. They remain me of the extent of pain and discomfort a woman willingly accepts in the name of beauty. None of our traditional beauty practices demand so much sacrifice from women. Just imagine the pain involved in stretching the earlobes to considerable length; the final result of which is permanent disfigurement of the ears that she cannot conceal. All this is done to hang heavy weights in the name of ornaments on the stretched earlobes, the discomfort of which she has to bear for life. In short this tradition gives a woman nothing but pain and lifelong discomfort. Still these old women willingly opted to suffer at their young age in the hope of becoming a little more attractive. Only a woman willingly agrees to pay such a huge price with her life in return for beauty. The idea of suffering in return for beauty is down-to-earth feminine and it really excites me. My facination towards this tradition is due to the pain and sufferings involved in it (may be there is a masochist in me). I often imagine myself in place of such a woman waring heavy ornament on my stretched earlobes. The more I thought about it the more I began to like such a life. Thinking about the discomforts to the daily routines, caused by the heavy ornaments hanging on the stretched earlobes, used to give me immense pleasure. I have been spending most of my free time daydreaming about leading such a life. It has became an obsession to me.
One of my favourite fantasy is to be married to a orthodox family where I am forced by my mother-in-law to stretch my earlobes and to wear heavy ornaments on them. Another of my favourite fantasy is I am engaged and my would be mother-in-law dies. Before death she hads over her daily ornaments to my mother asking her to make me wear them permanently. it includes a pair of heavy ear ornaments to be worn on stretched ears. So my parents force me to stretch my earlobes. Then the heavy ornaments of my would be mother-in-law are ceremoniously fixed to my stretched earlobes.
Within my heart I have the secret desire to stretch my earlobes and wear heavy ornaments on them. But the irony is that I never thought this practice makes the women beautiful. I always think that these old women with stretched earlobes might have been better lookng without their deformed earlobes. In spite of the intense desire to undergo the pain and sufferings associated with this practice, I was rluctant to get my earlobes stretched because I thought it would only make me look more ugly. But recently I have realised that I was wrong in thinking so.
Recently I happened to see an old marriage photograph in which the bride was seen wearing heavy ornaments on her stretched earlobes which almost touched her shoulders. It was the first time I was seeing a young Tamil woman (real or photograph) with stretched earlobes. I was surprised to find that it was totally different from the image I had in my mind about women with stretched earlobes, possibly created by seeing only old women with stretched earlobes, who I never found attractive. I found the young bride on the photograph, who was otherwise plain looking, unusually attractive with huge ornaments hanging on her stretched earlobes. The stretched earlobes touching her shoulders (which I considered only as deformity till then) gave her a strange sexy look. I could not remove my eyes from the photograph for long. After seeing this I became really frustrated and restless. I realised what I had been missing in my life. I knew that I cannot be happy without having my earlobes stretched and I wanted to do it at any cost without delay. I have seen similar ornaments worn by old women many times before and did find it attractive. But it gave a young woman irresistible charm. I now know that a young woman can gracefully show stretched earlobes and heavy ornaments on them but in an old woman it may seem out of place.
I know that the decision to stretch my earlobes is a major one unlike piercing the nose for one mookkuthi or two. My ears will be disfigured for ever and there is no way to restore its original shape. I know that stretching of earlobe is done by first inserting thin wooden or metal peg in the hole pierced through the earlobe (which I already have) and then repeatedly replacing the peg with another one a little more thicker, every week or so, allowing the earlobe to stretch gradually. I don't know, at my age whether it is possible to stretch the earlobes to reasonable length. I don't know how long it takes to have my earlobes stretched to the desired length (my husband wants it to just touch my shoulders). I don't know how much painful the procedure will be. Moreover, I have no idea about the life I am going to have with heavy ornaments permanently attached to my stretched earlobes. It may be an ordeal doing daily chores wearing them. Even simple activities like turning or bending my head may become difficult. (I think I will have to avoid all activities that involve abrupt motion of head or neck). I remember my mother saying that women wearing heavy ornaments on their stretched earlobes can only sit and look pretty but cannot do any household work wearing it. She may be correct considering the fact that most of the old women with stretched earlobes are seen without wearing any ornaments on it. My intention is to stretch my earlobes to a length so that it will hang at least up to halfway to my shoulders, and to wear the heaviest ornaments possible on a permanent basis, even though it means lifelong discomfort to me.
Another import aspect is our social life. It will become a close chapter. People who know me will begin to think me as some kind of maniac. I will become a discussion point or laughing point in my family circles and neighbourhood. When I go out people will look at me like a museum piece. Even my husband's social life will be affected. The fascinating point is that now my husband is more eager than me to have my earlobes stretched. I know most men (at least secretly) enjoy the deformations and mutilations done on the female body in the name of beauty. My husband is no exception. He was so excited by the idea of his wife stretching her ear lobes for traditional heavy ornaments. But at the same time he was confused about the social implications of such a decision. But I have reached a point of no return and have decided to stretch my earlobes in spite of all these facts. My husband supports me 100% and we have made up a plan to implement our decision.
First we have to find a good goldsmith who will do the stretching of my earlobes. If necessary we will shift to a house near to his house or shop and stay there till the stretching is completed. My earlobes has to be stretched to a size so that reasonably large and heavy ornaments can be worn on them. By the time the stretching will be done, a pair of such ornaments has to be made also. Next my husband will resign from his job and we will sell all our property we have here. We will then move to some small town or village where stretched earlobes will not attract curious looks (we really hope there are such places in Tamil Nadu). Nobody in the new place will know that my earlobes are stretched recently only, that too as desired by me. If anybody asks about it ( I am sure that it will happen) I can always tell that they were stretched at a young age by my orthodox parents. I may even blame my parents for forcing such an outdated practice against my will. My husband can find a new job or he can start a small business or he can even venture into agriculture. we have enough savings to lead a comfortable life even without him working. Both me and my husband are not very ambitious in the material sense. We have no specific desire other than to provide our children good education. We prefer simple peaceful life to modern city life. The only thing unsolved in our plan is how to handle members of my family and my husband's family. We cannot completly avoid them. They will be definitly shocked when they know about this. But I am thinking about cooking up some lies to convince them about my decision.
my personal openion is piercing any other part of ear for ornaments is not a good idea if you have stretched earlobes. I have seen old women with such multipierced ears and stretched earlobes and I find it positively ugly. But I may have to wear mookkuthi (my nose is not pierced)to make others believe that I come from a orthodox family. Women with stretched earlobes but without mookkuthi may look unconvincing to others. In that case I will pierce both sides of my nose but wear only small single diamond mookkuthi so that the visual effect of my stretched earlobes will not be diminished. As far as dress is concerned I will have to restrict myself to sari and blouse. I have to give up all my churidars and nigties.
We are now in search of a good goldsmith who knows how to stretch earlobes. As the tradition has died down more than half a century ago, it may be difficult to find a goldsmith who has actually done it before. Even if there are such people, they may be very old and retired from their profession. Still I hope to find an experienced goldsmith, since I think the quality of stretching is very much depend upon him.
If we cannot find a suitable goldsmith, we have to do the stretching ourselves, which I don't like because of the uncertain result. It may be possible for us to get a set of pegs with varying sizes made in wood or metal like brass or bronze. But I am not sure about the result of the stretching if done by novices like me or my husband. I want my earlobes to be stretched evenly and symmetrically. They should hang and swing beautifully on both sides of my face. I wnat to be proud of my ears and I cannot bear even the thought of lopsidedly stretched earlobes.
I know that the pain involved in the stretching is only temporary. The real pain is going to be living with heavy ornaments permanently fixed to my stretched earlobes. Even though in my thoughts I relish the discomforts of such a life, I know that it is not going to be easy in real life. I like to know how much uncomfortable the heavy ornaments can be, especially on constant wear. Only another woman with stretched earlobes can tell about the difficulties I have to face, based on her own experience. The unfortunate point is that neither me nor my husband know personally any woman with stretched earlobes. I am a shy person and reluctant to talk to strangers on this subject even if they happen to be old women. It has become impossible to get first hand information on earlobe stretching. The only solution I found is to communicate with other Tamil women through Internet and collect information through them. I request Tamil (or any South Indian) women who have read patiently so far, to help me by providing whatever information they already have or that they can collect from their family members or neighbours or friends who have stretched earlobes. If you are reluctant to publish it in this forum please email it to me directly. I promise to keep all such messages confdential. I list below the kind of information I like to have. If you have more information which you think may be helpful to me please don't hesitate to send that also.
(1) Information regarding goldsmiths who you think can do a good job of stretching the earlobes. I am ready to go to anywhere in South India and stay there for months together.
(2) First hand information from women with stretched earlobes. If you know such a woman ask at least the following questions: At what age her earlobes were stretched? Was she excited at the thought of getting her earlobes stretched and wearing heavy ornaments on them, before it was done? How long did it take to have her earlobes stretched to their present length? How painful was the stretching procedure? Does she wear ornaments on the stretched earlobes regularly? How much do her ear ornaments weigh? Does she thing her ear ornaments hinder her daily routines? How much time it took her to get used to her heavy ear ornaments? Are heavy ear ornaments uncomfortable to wear? Did her earlobes stretch more due to the weight of the ear ornaments she wear? Is there any oil massage or herbal treatment she has been doing periodically to to keep the stretched earlobes strong enough to hold the heavy ear ornaments? What does she think about stretched earlobes and heavy ear ornaments? - a burden or a beauty accessory. Does she think her husband likes her stretched earlobes? Does she think stretching earlobes and wearing heavy ornaments on them is worth the suffering one has to undergo? Given a second chance will she agree to stretch her earlobes (assuming stretched earlobes are still fashionable)?
(3) I also like to have information about the following: In which area of Tamil Nadu the the tradition of stretching the earlobes was predominant? Is there any Hindu cast(s) which followed the tradition of stretching the earlobes judiciously? Has anybody encountered recently women below 45 years age with stretched earlobes?
Now I am living in a state of perpectual happiness, thinking only about the prospects of stretching my earlobes and wearing heavy ornaments on them. At last I am going to fulfill my lifelong ambition. I never thought life on earth can be so beautiful. I don't know how to express my feelings to you. Nothing worries me now. I have no complaints about anything. I love my family very much. Household work has become a pleasure to me. I am so content with my life. I thank god for giving me this life. For giving birth as a woman in Tamil Nadu, for giving an understanding husband and son to me, for bringing me to to a position so that I can fulfill the wildest of my dreams. Moreover the bond between me and my hasband has become very very strong. He loves me so much because of my willingness to undergo the earlobe stretching which he thinks will make me unusually attractive and sexy. I love him so much because of the sacrifices he is willing to make to fulfill my dream.
Whenever we are alone we talk about the stretching of my earlobes and about the heavy ornaments I am going to wear on them. Both of us get excited by talking about it. We are waiting for the day I start wearing heavy ornaments on my stretched earlobes. I cannot wait to feel the weight of the ornaments which will be permanently attached to my stretched earlobes. The heavier the ornaments, the happier I will be. My husband is so impatient to see me with stretched earlobes touching my shoulders and with heavy gold ornaments on them.
We only need some more information to realise our dream. I honestly hope those of you who can help me will do it. I expect honest and serious replies from Tamil women who know about our traditions. I welcome replies from South Indian men also, provided they are serious and do not use bad language. I definitly don't want replies from non-Indians who does't know anything about our traditions.
Jayakumari
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