Topic started by Alpha-Romeo (@ 203.195.212.199) on Thu Feb 19 02:54:29 EST 2004.
All times in EST +10:30 for IST.

These are entries to a Washington Post
competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line:

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only sl.ept with you, because I was pis.sed.


Of loving beauty you float with grace,

If only you could hide your face.


Kind, intelligent, loving and h.ot.

This describes everything you are not


I want to feel your sweet emb.race,

But don't take that paper bag off of your face


I love your smile, your face, your eyes;

D.amn, I'm good at telling such lies!


My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,

Marrying you really scr.ewed up my life


I see your face when I am dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming!


My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped in to smell this way


My feelings for you no words can tell,

Except for maybe "go to h.ell"


What inspired this amorous rhyme?

Two parts vodka, one part lime

Responses:

• From: Star (@ dial0-352.dialin.uic.edu) on: Thu Feb 19 04:16:16 EST 2004
  
  Roses are red, violets are blue,
  
  But darling, these flowers, just aren't for you!
  
  
  My dear, you made my heart sing,
  
  Alas for marriage, that drunken fling!
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• From: Alpha- Romeo (@ 203.195.212.199) on: Thu Feb 19 06:09:46 EST 2004
  
  This is really Funney.
  See the Pics and Laugh to your limits.
  Visit the following link.
  
  http://www.bol.ucla.edu/~jha331/
  
  
  
  
• From: Alpha_Romeo (@ 203.195.212.199) on: Thu Feb 19 09:53:35 EST 2004
  
  >Bengali Jokes:
  
  >Bengali who works?
  >A work of fiction.
  >
  >A stupid Bengali girl?
  >Balika Buddhu.
  >
  >A Bengali marriage?
  >Bedding.
  >
  >A Bengali voyeur?
  >Keyhollo.
  >
  >A mad Bengali?
  >In Sen.
  >
  >A dark Bengali who lives in a cave?
  >Kalidas Guha.
  >
  >A Bengali mobster?
  >Robin Ganguli.
  >
  >A perfumed Bengali?
  >Chandan Dass.
  >
  >A Bengali goldsmith?
  >Shonar Bongla.
  >
  >What is bigger than the state of Bengal?
  >The Bay of Bengal
  >
  >What's bigger than the Bay of Bengal?
  >The Bengali Ego
  >
  >
  >Why was the Bengali fired from being salesman at Raymond's retail
  >store?
  >Everytime someone asked him what the material was, he replied
  >"Terrybool".
  
  >Tamil Jokes:
  
  
  >What is the opposite of Subramnium Swamy ?
  >Subramanium Didn't See Me.
  >
  >How do they start a road race in Tamil Nadu?
  >Ready....Steady.....PO
  >
  >What do you call a really colourful Tamilian?
  >Rangamannar Rangarajan.
  >
  >
  >What is the Tamil name for the tallest building in Japan?
  >Nikkumo Nikkado (Will it or wont it stand?)
  >
  >What is the difference between Kunikudi Vaidyanathan &Gandhiji?
  >One is a violanist,the other is a non-violanist!
  >
  >
  >Malayalee Jokes:
  >
  >What do you call an amazing Malayalee?
  >Pheno Menon.
  >
  >What do you call a dashing Malayalee?
  >Debo Nair.
  
  >What do you call a Malayalee drunkard?
  >Kutty Sark.
  >
  >
  >Why did the Malayalee cross the road?
  >To join the trade union on the other side.
  >
  >
  >Sindhi Jokes:
  >
  >Why are a Sindhis nostrils big?
  >Because air is free.
  >
  >What do you call a god fearing Sindhi?
  >Bhagwandas Godwani.
  >
  >A Sindhi who falls from the 1st floor?
  >Thad-ani.
  >
  >A Sindhi who falls from the 10th floor?
  >Kriplani.
  >
  >A Sindhi who falls from the 25th floor?
  >Mar-jani.
  >
  >
  >Maharashtrian Jokes:
  >
  >What is a gay Maharashtrian called?
  >Deccan Queen
  >
  >What do you call a Maharashtrian tailor?
  >Sadashiv.
  >
  >Which Maharashtrians wrote the book 'Apartheid in South Africa?'
  >Dhaval Gore and Krishnakant Kale.
  >
  >What did Bruce Lee say to the Maharashtrian?
  >Tumhi Marathe, Aamhi Karate.
  >
  >
  >Gujju Jokes:
  >
  >Why did the Gujjus think the man who acted as Gandhi in the film
  >was a
  >woman?
  >Because his name was 'Ben' Kingsley.
  >
  >Why does the Gujju go to London?
  >To see his Big Ben.
  >
  >Why did the visitor to the Gujju home run away when he was offered
  >tea?
  >Because the Gujju said he would serve snakes with it.
  >
  >What is a Gujju picnic called?
  >A snake in the grass.
  >
  >Why did the American get scared of the Gujju?
  >Because he said 'Sue kare chhe.'
  >
  >What did the Gujju mean when he said," Maro dikro STATES ma
  >gayon?"
  >His son failed in statistics.
  >
  >Maro dikro Dubai gayo?
  >My son drowned.
  
  
• From: Shakthi (@ 203-195-199-244.now-india.net.in) on: Thu Feb 19 11:04:35 EST 2004
  
  hehe nice ones romeo and star :)
  
  
• From: Alpha_Romeo (@ 203.195.212.199) on: Thu Feb 19 19:44:32 EST 2004
  
  
  
  People in non-English speaking countries sometimes go out
  of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here
  is a
  list of signs seen around the world.
  
  Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN
  THE
  BAR.
  
  At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY
  SUITABLE
  FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
  
  Doctor's office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
  
  Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan: COOLES
  AND
  HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL
  YOURSELF.
  
  In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT
  TO SEE
  THE MANAGER.
  
  On the grounds of a Nairobi private school: NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT
  PERMISSION.
  
  In a Mumbai restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
  
  In a Japanese cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS
  FROM ANY
  BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
  
  In a Tokyo bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
  
  Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
  
  In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
  monastery: YOU
  ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET
  COMPOSERS,
  ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED ! DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
  
  Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE
  OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR
  THIS
  PURPOSE.
  
  Advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST
  METHODISTS.
  
  A laundry in Rome: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE
  AFTERNOON
  HAVING A GOOD TIME.
  
  Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia: TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY
  TOURS. WE
  GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
  
  Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON
  YOUR OWN
  ASS?
  
  The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: GUARANTEED TO WORK
  THROUGHOUT
  ITS USEFUL LIFE.
  
  Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN
  ALL
  DIRECTIONS.
  
  
  Male: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
  Female: Unfertilized
  
  WITHOUT COMMENTS......................
  
  >A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
  >
  >The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog.
  >The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times more or better!"
  
  >
  >The woman said, "That would be okay."
  >
  >For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
  >The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to.
  
  >
  >The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world.
  
  >
  >For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
  
  >
  >The frog then inquired about her third wish, .......And she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
  >
  >Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them!
  >
  >
  >Attention Lady Readers: This is the end of the joke for u. Stop here and continue feeling better.
  >
  >
  
  
  
  >Male Readers, please scroll down .....
  >.....
  >.....
  >.....
  >.....
  >.....
  >.....
  >.....
  >.....
  >.....
  >.....
  >.....
  >.....
  >.....
  >.....
  >.....
  >.....
  >.....
  >.....
  >.....
  >.....
  >.....
  >.....
  >....
  >....
  >The man had a 10 times milder Heart Attack !!!
  >
  >
  >
  >Moral of the Story : Women are so dumb & They cannot FOOL MEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• From: Alpha-Romeo (@ 203.195.208.26) on: Fri Feb 20 06:08:54 EST 2004
  
  A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated."
  
  The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table."
  
  
  The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the a*ss with a baseball bat, CRACK... and then sends him into the bathroom.
  
  
  He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do to prevent constipation ?"
  
  
  The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags."
  
  ----------------------------------------------------------------------
  
  A third grade teacher always took roll call each morning and had the pupils' answer by reciting a short poem.
  
  The first kid sat in the first row was a teacher's pet. He stood and said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can."
  
  
  The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby...if I can, and I think I can."
  
  
  The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don't give a damm about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can and I think I can!
  
  -------------------------------------------------------------------
  The minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing.
  
  "Nothing much, Pastor," replied one boy. "We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life."
  
  "Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex."
  
  In unison they all replied, "You win!
  
  
• From: Alpha-Romeo (@ 203.195.208.26) on: Fri Feb 20 09:32:07 EST 2004
  
  Women are so dumb & They cannot FOOL MEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!
  
  WHO SAID SO ????? READ THE FOLLOWING.!!!
  
  Mrs. Whembleton decided to have her portrait painted. She told
  the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond
  necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant."
  
  "But, Madam, you are not wearing any of those things."
  
  "True enough," said Mrs. Whembleton. "If I should predecease
  my dear husband I know he will remarry right away, and I want
  his new wife to go stark raving mad looking for the jewelry!"
  
  
• From: whatever (@ rm428.pharm.temple.edu) on: Fri Feb 20 15:34:03 EST 2004
  
  Jerk alpha romeo
  
  
• From: Alpha- Romeo (@ 203.195.208.26) on: Mon Feb 23 05:24:33 EST 2004
  
  Imagine if major companies from all around the world started producing or sponsoring condoms. They would become fashionable and companies would probably advertise more openly. Imagine the trademarks:
  Thums up condoms : Taste The Thunder
  
  Maruti Suzuki condoms: voted # 1 for 4th year in a row for after sales service
  
  Lehar Chips Condoms : Betcha You Can't Have Just One
  
  Nike Condoms : Just do It
  
  Toyota Condoms : Oh what a feeling
  
  Ford Condoms : The ride of your life.
  
  Microsoft Condoms : Where do you want to go today?
  
  KFC Condoms : Finger Licking Good
  
  M&Ms Condoms : Melt in your mouth, not in your hands
  
  Duracell Condoms : Keep going and going and going
  
  Pringles Condoms : Once you pop, you can't stop.
  
  BMW Condoms : Pure Driving Pleasure
  
  
  
  

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